hamlet new script 2010

8/6/2019 Hamlet NEW Script 2010

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Bare Cheek Theatre Companys

HamletWritten by William Shakespeare

Adapted by: Tony McCleane-Fay for CWYT


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SCENE I

The Castle Battlements of Elsinore at night. Four guards keep watch.

BERNARDO: tis cold, tis cold.

HORATIO: Shut up Bernardo!

Pause

BERNARDO: tis really cold, tis really cold

MARCELLUS: Shut up!

BERNARDO: tis cold, tis cold, tis cold, tis cold, tis cold, tis cold .

FRANCISCO: Shut up.PauseIm bored let us play the game of I Spy, Ill start Ispy with my little..

HORATIO: Quiet. We are supposed to be guarding the castle notplaying childish games.

BERNARDO: Im freezing my doodahs off here, can we go inside andget a warm..

A moan is heard.

HORATIO: Marcellus, stop moaning.

MARCELLUS: tis not me.

A moan is heard. Louder.

HORATIO: Stop it, Im warning you!

MARCELLUS: tis really not me, foresooth!

They all look around. They hear an even louder moan.

FRANCISCO: Well if tis not you doing it. Who is?

BERNARDO: Im scared, Im scared .. and cold.


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HORATIO: Quiet! Listen .

Pause

No tis ok, theres nothing there, it be the wind

Suddenly the Ghost appears with a very load moan. The guards allscream and jump to the floor, hiding, very frightened.

HORATIO: (In great fear) W..w..who g..g..goes t..t..there?

GHOST: I want to see him, I want to see him.

FRANCISCO: Who?

GHOST: My blood, my blood.

BERNARDO: (In panic) Blood .. he said blood, he said blood.

HORATIO: (To Bernardo) Shut up you! (To Ghost) Who be thou,what dost thou want? Hello.hello, come back!

The Ghost leaves howling Blood.blood. The Guards get up.

HORATIO: I think that was the King.

FRANCISCO: Do not be foolish Claudius is downstairs counting hismoney or something.

HORATIO: No, not Claudius. I mean the old King, Hamlets father.

BERNARDO: But he be dead .(gulp)

PauseIm scared, Im scared.

HORATIO: Shut up Bernardo! We had better impart to youngHamlet what we have seen here this night. God I hatethis job!

BERNARDO: Im cold, Im co

ALL: Shut up!

BLACKOUT


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SCENE II

A room in the Castle. Claudius the new King is counting his money,obviously very pleased with himself.

CLAUDIUS: Hello, my name is ClaudiusAnd I be bad and mean.I have loads of money and all the powerIve even got the Queen

You see, my brother he was once the KingOf all that he could seeBut now hes dead, oh what a shameIt all belongs to me.

But even though I have all this,The money, power and QueenMy brothers son Prince HamletThinks that Im obscene.

Enter Hamlet.

CLAUDIUS: Ah, young Hamlet. What has thou been up to this day?(Hamlet does not answer.)Look, thou must desist this grieving thy father has

been dead over two months now. You are upsettingyour Mother. You must cease.

HAMLET: (Sarcastic) Be that a Royal Command?

CLAUDIUS: Do not be insolent! Im just concerned about you thatis all.

HAMLET: (More sarcastic) Oh, why thank you dear Uncle.

CLAUDIUS: (Angry) Look you, I am your father now and yourmother and I feel ..

HAMLET: You may be married to my mother, but you are not myfather!

CLAUDIUS: Hamlet that is enough! You listen to me Gertrudeand I feel that it would be good for you to go away for awhile and .

HAMLET: Im not going anywhere!


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CLAUDIUS: (angrier) You are going away! For aa..a holiday andwhen you return, you will feel much better. You aregoing! (As he exits.) Now that is a Royal Command!!

Exit Claudius.

HAMLET: I hate him, I hate him! Why does he want me out ofthe way? I do not trust him. Why did my mother marryhim so hastily? The funeral meats did furnish thewedding banquet!

Enter Horatio and Bernardo.

HORATIO: My Lord, methinks we saw him last night!

BERNARDO: last night.

HAMLET: Saw whom?

HORATIO: The King your father.

BERNARDO: father.

HAMLET: My father? But hes d .

BERNARDO: .dead. I know but we saw .

HORATIO: his Ghost.

HAMLET: My fathers ghost something is rotten in the state ofDenmark

BERNARDO: Sorry, that was me, twas the eggs..

HORATIO: Come with us tonight, my Lord and you will see.

BLACKOUT


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SCENE III

The Castle Battlements of Elsinore at night. Four guards and Hamlet keepwatch.

HAMLET: Well, where is he?

HORATIO: It should be here soon, twas this time last evening.

HAMLET: Well, I hope so. I cannot wait around here all night.

(Enter Ghost from USC moaning)

GHOST: Hamlet, my son, my blood!

(Everybody jumps, the guards hide)

HAMLET: My Lord, Dad, is it you?

GHOST: Of course tis me, who were you expecting, Macbeth?

(Everybody looks at each other)

HAMLET: Why hast thou returned from the grave?

GHOST: Because I must warn you that my brother, your UncleClaudius, is an evil man. He killed me by pouringpoison into my ears whilst I was sleeping beneath mytree.

HAMLET: He what? Why?

GHOST: (Cupping his hand to his ear) Pardon?

HAMLET: (Louder) Why did he do that?

GHOST: Because he wanted to rule over Elsinore and marry mydear wife.

HAMLET: But he is your brother!

GHOST: Pardon?

HAMLET: (louder) Are you deaf? I said but he is your brother!

GHOST: Do not shout at me young man!


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HAMLET: I am going to kill Claudius for what he has done to you.

GHOST: NO!! You will not kill anyone; you need to get him toconfess.

HAMLET: How will I do that?

GHOST: Use your imagination. Look, I must to go now.

(Ghost exits, moaning)

HAMLET: My Lord, wait, wait!

(Ghost returns)

GHOST: (Wearily) What?

HAMLET: What is it like, being dead? Be there a God?

GHOST: (Pause) Well, I am not really allowed to say (whispers)but I will impart this.(pause)

HAMLET: (Leaning closer) What?

GHOST: (Whispers even quieter) Gjahaysfemopfgbz!

HAMLET: (puts his hand to his mouth) Oh, my Liege!

GHOST: I will depart but may visit with you once more my son.

Ghost exits.

HORATIO: What did he tell you my Lord?

HAMLET: I cannot say but there are more things in Heaven and

Earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

HORATIO: Well, what are you going to do my Lord?

Hamlet is lost in thought for a while, then an evil smile spreads across hisface.

HAMLET: Do? You shall see. You shall see.

Hamlet exits. Guards let out big breaths.

MARCELLUS: Well, that put the heart sideways in me!


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FRANCISCO: I do not EVER want to go through that again.

HORATIO: Quiet you two, be professional!

BERNARDO: Its cold its cold

(All the guards shout and jump on Bernardo)

BLACKOUT


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SCENE IV

Inside a room in the Castle, we meet Polonius and his son, Laertes andhis daughter Ophelia. They walk DS and pose in front of the audience for

a series of Family Album type photographs. The final photo is of Opheliahitting Laertes and him chasing her.

POLONIUS: Hey you two .. Stop it, stop it, you are making a showof us!(To audience) I am sorry about that, kids huh! Wellnow here we are. My name is Polonius and these tworascals are Ophelia my daughter and Laertes myson. Well say hello you two!

OPHELIA: (Smiling) Hello!

LAERTES: (Also smiling) Hi there!

POLONIUS: Hmm, well now, here we are. I am the Kings adviserand I, well, advise him about things. Laertes isHamlets childhood friend and Ophelia is Hamletssweetheart.

OPHELIA: Daddy!!

POLONIUS: Well tis true, and one day I hope you shall marry andyou will be a princess.

OPHELIA: Not if Hamlet keeps acting queer I shall not!

POLONIUS: What do you mean acting queer?

LAERTES: You must have noticed my Lord?

POLONIUS: Well he is still upset about his fathers death and so

on....

OPHELIA: No, tis more than that he is a bit eerie.

Enter Hamlet from US, walking backwards and reading a book upsidedown. They do not see him yet.

LAERTES: tis true my Lord. I caught him eating flies not two daysago! I believe he may be of unsound mind.


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OPHELIA: Yes, and he keeps running at me then stopping, thenfalling down at my feet like he has just died. He is mostabsolutely queer!

POLONIUS: Ah, my dear daughter he is mad for your love!

LAERTES: Yeah, he is mad all right (He sees Hamlet) Uh-huh!

POLONIUS: Ah, my Lord Hamlet what are you reading?

HAMLET: Words, words, words. Are you a fishmonger? (He moos)

POLONIUS: Indeed you know I am not and I do not take kindly toinsults!

HAMLET: Funny, with a face like yours, I would have thought youwould be used to it by now.

LAERTES: (with humour) Ahh, my Lord Hamlet, how be the flies?

HAMLET: Laertes, do you smell it?

LAERTES: Smell what, my Lord?

HAMLET: (with great malice) The corpse of your dog.

LAERTES: My dog? Oh, angels and ministers of grace what hasthou done to my dog?

Hamlet licks his lips. Laertes exits.

POLONIUS: (In Panic) Ill get Claudius!! (He exits)

OPHELIA: Hamlet, what is the matter with you.

HAMLET: Are you a penguin?

OPHELIA: Hamlet, what dost thou mean, penguin I be Ophelia,your fianc! Do you not know me? We grew uptogether! Are you playing one of your games?

HAMLET: I do not play chess anymore, because somebody killedmy King and took my Queen! Fianc! Fianc! Get theeto a nunnery!! (She exits, crying)

(Normal again)tis very difficult I love Ophelia really,but I must continue with my cunning plan. A bunch of


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actors is coming to the Castle tomorrow I will write aplay for them to perform in front of Claudius and we willall see his guilty face as watches the actors re-enact hisdastardly deed.

To be or not to be, that is the questionbut what is theanswer? Am I mad or just pretending to be mad? Iwould rather be a good son than a faithful nephew, andwhen Alls Well That Ends Well, I will take my Ophelia out one Midsummers Night and wine her and dine herand beg her forgiveness. And my dear friend Laertes,his dog resides in the kitchens as always. Oh, to be ornot to be as Tempestuous as the wind but Measure forMeasure on a Twelfth Night, my Loves Labours will notbe Lost on this Comedy of Errors that is really Much Ado

About Nothing and signifies nothing but a Winters Taleof love and revenge for my poor fathers death!

Enter Horatio

HORATIO: Ahh, talking to yourself I see!

HAMLET: Yes, tis the only way I can be sure of intelligentconversation.

HORATIO: Very droll my Lord. What have you decided?

HAMLET: Come to the play tomorrow night and see Claudiusfrightened with false fire!

Exit


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SCENE V

A room in the Castle. Everybody is present. The Players enter.

PLAYER KING: (Bowing) Your Royal Highnesses, my Lords, Ladies andgentlemen. Today we will perform a play, written bythe young Prince Hamlet.

OPHELIA: (To Hamlet) Oh, I did not know that you were a writer!

GERTRUDE: (Proudly) I did not know either! Oh, my son, the writer!Your father would have been so proud!

HAMLET: (Smiling) Mother, there are many things that you do notknow. Sit back and learn as my father inspires me todo many things!

GERTRUDE: Come hither my dear Hamlet, sit by me.

HAMLET: No, good mother, (regarding Ophelia) heres metalmore attractive. My dear Ophelia, shall I lie in your lap?I mean my head upon your lap?

OPHELIA: In my lap, my Lord?

HAMLET: Now, now bawdy Ophelia, did you think I meant countrymatters?

OPHELIA: IIdo not know what you mean my Lord You areindeed frisky and merry this night!!

GERTRUDE: Oh, you do know what I infer my Lady! And whatshould a man do but be merry? Look you howcheerfully my mother looks and my father dead not arainy day.

CLAUDIUS: (Sharply) Enough of this talk! Let us see this play.

Claudius looks at Hamlet suspiciously.

PLAYER KING: In this play, I shall play the part of Romeo Montague, ayoung man in love with...

PLAYER QUEEN: Juliet Capulet, a feisty young wench from the other sideof townRomeo, Romeo, where forth art thou Romeo..

Hamlet jumps to his feet.


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HAMLET: That be the wrong play you idiots!!

PLAYER KING: (Flicking through some papers) Oh, thousand apologiesmLord, of course that is our Italian playah, here we

be

The Players start another Play.

ALL PLAYERS: Double, double toil and troubleFire, burn and cauldron bubble

Hamlet jumps to his feet.

HAMLET: For Gods sake, what the hell is that?? That is not my

work! What are you doing?

PLAYER KING: Oh, million apologies mLord of course that is ourScottish play.

HAMLET: Oh, you mean Macbeth?

PLAYERS: Aahhhhh. Hot potato, off his drawers, Puck will makeamends. Aaahh.

HAMLET: What was that?

PLAYER D: We were exorcising evil spirits, you will not know thegreat theatre tradition that one does neverspeak thename of the "Scottish Play".

HAMLET: What, Macbeth?

PLAYERS: Aahhhhh. Hot potato, off his drawers, Puck will makeamends. Ohhh.

HAMLET: Good lord, you mean you have to do that every time Isay Macbeth?

PLAYERS: Aahhhhh. Hot potato, off his drawers, Puck will makeamends. Owwww.

PLAYER E: Will you please stop saying that. Always call it the"Scottish Play".

HAMLET: So you want me to say the "Scottish Play"?


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PLAYERS: (shout) Yes.

HAMLET: Rather than Macbeth?

PLAYERS: Aahhhhh. Hot potato, off his drawers, Puck will make

amends. Owwwwww.

POLONIUS: For heaven's sake, what is all this hullabaloo, all thisshouting and screaming and yelling blue murder? Why...tis like that play we saw the other day, what was itcalled... umm...

HAMLET: Macbeth, my Lord?

PLAYERS: Aahhhhh. Hot potato, off his drawers, Puck will make

amends. Owwwwww.

POLONIUS: No, no, twas called Julius Caesar.

HAMLET: Ah, yes, of course. Julius Caesar... not .Macbeth.

PLAYERS: Aahhhhh. Hot potato, off his drawers, Puck will makeamends. Owwwwww. Please my Lord, may we

Hamlet waves his hand, Players are flicking through some papers.

Here we are the Danish Play!

Now in this play, I will play the part of the Good King!

PLAYER QUEEN: Are you tired my Lord? You work too hard, go and liedown.

PLAYER KING: Yes my Queen, I think I will. I shall sleep under myfavorite tree out in the garden, and think about you and

my beautiful and clever son.

The Player King lies down under a tree the other players have made usingtheir bodies.

PLAYER KING: (Yawning) Ruling a Kingdom is hard work but I do enjoyit and I am a Good King. (He falls asleep)

Another Player, playing Claudius, creeps up to the sleeping King to thesound of creepy music provided by the remaining players.


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PLAYER B: (Laughing Evilly) Now my brother, by pouring poisoninto your ear, I shall become the New King and I shallmarry your Queen and be really horrible to yourbeautiful and clever son. I shall rule over your Kingdomwith an iron fist and an evil laugh! (He pours the poisoninto the ear. The Good King struggles and holds hishead but then dies.) Now, tis all mine, all mine! (EvilLaugh)

During the above action, the real Claudius is getting very agitated andworried. He keeps looking at Hamlet. Hamlet does not look at the play.He keeps watching Claudius.

CLAUDIUS: (Jumping to his feet) Stop! Givoer the play! (Hestorms out of the room with a murderous look at

Hamlet.)

HAMLET: (Laughing) Look at the frightened rabbit run. My fatherwas right!

GERTRUDE: Get out everybody. Get out! Not you Hamlet, I want totalk with you.

Everybody exits except Hamlet and Gertrude.

HAMLET: How like you the play Madam?

GERTRUDE: Hamlet, you have your father much offended.

HAMLET: Mother, you have my father much offended!

GERTRUDE: Come, come, you answer with an idle tongue.

HAMLET: Go, go, you question with a wicked tongue!

Pause, the Ghost enters, unseen by Gertrude but Hamlet sees him.

HAMLET: Whats the matter Mother, did you not like the play?

GERTRUDE: I did not understand it! What is going on Hamlet? Whydo you hate Claudius so much?

GHOST: Tell her.

HAMLET: (to Ghost) I am, trust me.

GERTRUDE: Who are you talking to my son?


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Polonius sneaks back into the room, unseen by Hamlet and Gertrude. Hehides behind a curtain.

HAMLET: Mother, Mother, Mother, do you not realise what

Claudius has done? Do you not think that my fathersdeath was suspicious?

GERTRUDE: What do you mean suspicious? Are you saying Claudiushad something to do with it?

GHOST: (slowly clapping) Ahh, the penny doth drop!

HAMLET: Claudius had everything to do with it!

GERTRUDE: Oh, speak to me no more! These words, like daggersenter my ears. No more, sweet Hamlet!

GHOST: Convince her.

HAMLET: He is a murderer and a villain! He killed my father torule the kingdom, he does not love you he is anunfeeling treacherous monster, the epitome ofdepravity! (rising and going close to her) Do you notunderstand? He is ruining this Kingdom and is defiling

you!

GERTRUDE: What are you doing? Do not you touch me! Help, help!

POLONIUS: Help, Help!

HAMLET: (Drawing his sword) A rat! (He goes over to S.L. andstabs through the curtain, killing Polonius) Oh, no, whathave I done!

GHOST: Oh, great, well done Hamlet, that has really convincedher! (he exits)

GERTRUDE: (Rushing to Polonius) Polonius, Polonius Hamlet, youhave killed him!

HAMLET: (Sorry) I did not know . (Acting again) Well I thoughthe was a spy. I shall be rid of him! (He wraps Poloniusin the fallen curtain and drags him off stage, dumps himand re-enters)

GERTRUDE: (Yelling) Claudius! Claudius! Come quick, help, help!


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CLAUDIUS: (Rushing on) What is wrong, what is wrong?

GERTRUDE: (Sobbing) Oh, Claudius Hamlets just killed Polonius.

HAMLET: Me?

CLAUDIUS: (To Hamlet) Now, Hamlet, where is Polonius?

HAMLET: At supper.

CLAUDIUS: At supper? Where?

HAMLET: Not where he eats, but where he is eaten.

CLAUDIUS: What do you mean? Where is Polonius?

HAMLET: In heaven. Send someone to seek him. If yourmessenger cannot find him, seek him in the other placeyourself! (points down to Hell and exits)

GERTRUDE: He is insane, what am I to do? (weeps)

CLAUDIUS: (Calming her down) Okay, okay, I will deal with this.Go and lie down. Take a pill. I will look after

everything. (He leads her off stage. Then comes backwith Rosencrantz and Guildenstern) Right, you two, thisis what I want you to do. Take Hamlet away to Englandand when you are on the boat let him sleep with thefishes!

ROSENCRANTZ: How can he sleep with the fishes, he would not be ableto breath under the water?

GUILDENSTERN: I believe our esteemed sovereign was expressing a

metaphor my dear Rosencrantz.

ROSENCRANTZ: Expressing a what?

GUILDENSTERN: A Metaphor.

ROSENCRANTZ: What is a metaphor?

GUILDENSTERN: A metaphor is a figure of speech in which a word or, inthis case, a phrase is applied to an object or, in thiscase, an action to which it is not literally applicable.


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ROSENCRANTZ: What?

CLAUDIUS: What?

GUILDENSTERN: Its a thing regarded as representative or symbolic of

something else, something abstract, unlike a similewhich is again a figure of speech but this time involvingthe comparison of one thing with another thing of adifferent kind, used to make a description moreemphatic or vivid.

ROSENCRANTZ: So, for us to get Hamlet to sleep with the fishes, hemeans we should kill him?

GUILDENSTERN: Sadly, yes.

ROSENCRANTZ: But he is our friend!

GUILDENSTERN: (to Claudius) My Lord, I am sure Hamlet did not meanto harm anyone. He is ill, he needs a physician!

CLAUDIUS: I command you to do as I say or you will need aphysician and that is not a metaphor! Do I make myselfclear? Do you understand me?

ROS&GUIL: (Frightened) Yes, my Lord!

Exit Claudius. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern look worried.

ROS: (Suddenly laughing) April Fool!!

GUILD: What?

ROS: It must be April Fools Day, yknow the first of April!!So, Claudius is only joking oh, man he got us there,

did he not!! (Shouting after Claudius) Hey, yourMajesty, your Majesty!!

GUILD: (Grabbing him) Shut up you halfwit, you will get us bothkilled! Now listen to me. Claudius never jokes, he hasno sense of humour!

ROS: No, no, no, he must be joking he cannot expect us tokill our friend. He is not serious. tis the first of April, isit not?

GUILD: No, my friend tis actually the Ides of March.


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ROS: Are you sure

GUILD: Rossie, Rossie, read my lips. He is as serious as a heartattack. He wants us to kill Hamlet and dump his body

at sea!

ROS: So that he can sleep with the fisheys..

GUILD: Sleep with the fisheys, yes.

ROS: I cannot do it, I cannot, I cannot.(breaks down)

GUILD: (slapping him/her) Calm down, get a hold of yourselfRosencrantz. Let me think!

ROS: Ok, ok I am alright now. But, I wish I were somewhereelse.

GUILD: What did you say?

ROS: I said I am alright now.

GUILD: No, after that

ROS: Nothingwhatwhatwhy are you looking at me likethat??

GUILD: I have a plan!

ROS: Oh, cool!! Is it cunning?

GUILD: I have a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it andcall it a weasel.

ROS: Pray tell, Guildenstern! Pray tell!!

GUILD: We go with noble Hamlet to England on the boat andwhen we get there we disappear!

ROS: You mean we do not come backever?

GUILD: Never!

ROS: But what shall we do in England?


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GUILD: I do not know as yet, but let us go impart to youngHamlet what Claudius is up to!

Exit.


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SCENE VI

A river. Ophelia enters and dances around in a mad trance.

OPHELIA: Why? Why? Why? Where is he? Claudius said he had

died, drowned, fallen overboard on his way to England,so is there any point in going on anymore, without him?I know that he killed my father but he did not mean to.I still love him. I love this river it reminds me of whenwe used to play here together splashing each other,swimming, of how my Noble Prince Hamlet would holdmy head under the water for ages, an experiment hewould say oh, he was so playful and inventive!! Wewent out on a boat here once, we floated for miles.Hamlet joked that it was a great place to dump a body

but I always floated like a penguin. This river runsright out to the ocean where my Noble Prince Hamletnow sleeps with the fisheys. So, I am going to join himand we can be together forever. (Ophelia jumps intothe river and lies at peace.)

Enter Laertes he kneels at Ophelias side.

LAERTES: (Holds her hand) I blame Hamlet for this, first mydiplomatic father and now my kind, gentle but slightly

imbecilic sister. I do not believe that he is dead he istoo evil, too cunning. I will therefore dedicate the restof my life, my dear simple sister, to avenging yourdeath and Papas death. I will search to the very edgeof this flat Earth for that murderous devil and when Ifind him I will .

Laertes exits. Enter Hamlet and Gravedigger.

GRAVEDIGGER: .kill him? I rather eat my own vomit I said! Ha ha ha.

Here is another one Who builds the best houses?

HAMLET: Oh God, not another riddle! I do not know!

GRAVEDIGGER: Alright, I shall give you a cluetis either thestonemason or the gravedigger.

HAMLET: That be easy, the stonemason of course stones andbricks are much stronger than clay and mud and lastsfor years!


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GRAVEDIGGER: Wrong answer, wrong answer. tis the gravedigger,because the houses he builds will last till doomsday!Ha ha (he laughs madly)

HAMLET: (Picking up a scull) Alas, poor Yorrick, I knew him,

yknow. He was a court jester in my fathers castle long ago before the rot set in! Whose grave are youdigging?

Funeral Group enter on stage in slo-mo.

GRAVEDIGGER: Dunno, hang on this lot will know, I shall ask them(Shouts) Oi(Hamlet wrestles him to the ground)

HAMLET: No, no stop, I know who they are stay down and be

quiet. I wonder who has died.

PRIEST: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witnessthe happy joining together, in holy matrimony, of twoyoung people who

GERTRUDE: It is a funeral service you nincompoop!

PRIEST: What? (Sees Ophelias dead body) Oh, yes, eh sorryabout that, wrong serviceeh..

CLAUDIUS: Get on with it man, tis cold

BERNARDO: tis cold, tis cold, tis

PRIEST: Ah, here we are. Dearly beloved we are gathered heretoday to witness the sad departure to another life of ourkind but simple Ophelia. So tragically taken from us.

HAMLET: NO! NO! (Jumping up and running over to kneel at

Ophelias body) Not my beautiful Ophelia, this has gonetoo far. Why did I start this.I am sorry little penguin,I am so sorry

LAERTES: (Diving on to Hamlet) Arrrgh, I am going to kill you, youmurdering son of a drooling dog.

They fight viciously.

GERTRUDE: Oh, part them Claudius, they are incensed, insane withgrief, they will kill each other.


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HORATIO: My money is on Hamlet! (Shouting) Go on my son!!!

BERNARDO: (Shouting) Kick him in the codpiece, the codpieceHamlet, kick him in the

CLAUDIUS: (Pulling them apart) Stop! Have you no respect for thedead?

HAMLET: Much more than you have, you bastard.

LAERTES: I will kill him you will not stop me!!

CLAUDIUS: I command you both to stop, now!

HAMLET: Command this! (He makes the thumb gesture at

Claudius)

CLAUDIUS: I understand your anger men but we must do thisproperly. I declare that a duel will be fought betweenthese two men tomorrow evening in the Castle ofEllsinore in the Country of Demark.

` And this will be a duel to the death!

ALL: Fight, fight, fight, fight

Segue to Sc VII


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SCENE VII

A room in the Castle. On one side of stage: Gertrude and half of thecourt on the other side Claudius and the rest of the court. There is areferee with a bell at centre between Hamlet and Laertes.

REF: All right boys. We want a good clean duel, no pulling ofthe hair, hitting below the belt, biting or crying. Haveyou both gone to the toilet? (They nod) Good, cos I donot want to be cleaning up the mess. Blood I do notmind but the other stuff, no. Right so, boys. SecondsOut Round One (Rings Bell)

Hamlet & Laertes circle each other with their swords. The crowds start to

cheer them on calling for blood. They fight- the bell rings, they go backto their corners.

CLAUDIUS: (To Laertes) You are doing well son, you have himscared now. Oh hang on a minute, let me see yoursword. (Takes it a looks down it) Looks a bit crooked tome, I shall straighten it out for you. (Takes sword DStowards audience and says to himself, evilly) Now, Ishall just smear a little bit of poison on to the tip ofLaertes sword and all he has to do is barely scratch

Hamlet with it and tis goodbye Prince Hamlet!! Ha haha. (Handing back sword to Laertes) There you are, allfixed!

LAERTES: Thank you my Lord.

REF: (Rings Bell) SECONDS OUT. ROUND TWO. Come onnow boys, come on now!

Hamlet and Laertes circle each other again. They fight, but are clearly

tiring now. Bell Rings they go back to their corners.

CLAUDIUS: (To himself) Damn, foiled, it did not work. I know, I willgive Hamlet a drink and in that drink I will place somesoluble poison. And when he drinks it he will die!(Gets goblet, drops in poison and walks to Hamlet whois beside Gertrude.) I salute your bravery my dear boy,join me in a toast to your impending victory!! (Hands poisoned goblet to Hamlet but Gertrude grabs it)Gertrude, no!


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GERTRUDE: I drink to your health and your victory, my brave son!!(She drinks the poisoned drink)

REF: (Rings Bell) SECONDS OUT. ROUND THREE! Up and atem boys, up and at em now.

Hamlet and Laertes circle each other again. They fight, but are clearlyexhausted. Gertrude starts to feel dizzy and staggers into the fightingarea and over to Hamlet. She falls into his arms. Everything stops silence.

GERTRUDE: (Choking and gasping) Oh, Hamlet, the drink twaspoisoned. Claudius, you have killed meforgive meHamlet for doubting you I lov.(She dies)

Silence, Hamlet lays Gertrude gently to the ground. then with a roar ofrage, he launches himself at Claudius.

HAMLET: First my father and now my mother you are a deadman!!

CLAUDIUS: You have absolutely no idea what irony is, have youHamlet?

HAMLET: Yes I have. It's just like steely and goldie, except it's

made of iron, like my sword, now die!

CLAUDIUS: Save me Laertes! Save me!!

Laertes rushes at Hamlet, they scuffle and the swords become mixed upand Hamlet scratches Laertes with the poisoned sword. Laertes starts todie immediately.

LAERTES: The sword, my swordit is poisonedClaudius did it.Iam sorry Hamlet, my dear friend, avenge me, avenge

us all (He dies).

CLAUDIUS: Do you think that you can take me? Do you Hamlet?Come on try me, try me, you are just like yourfather.weak.

Hamlet now rushes at Claudius. He doges and they fight viciously eventually, Claudius falls and Hamlet stands over him with his swordpoised over his face.


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HAMLET: This is to avenge my father and mother and Ophelia andPolonius and Laertes and all of the other fine people ofthis holy land that you have offended!

CLAUDIUS: Go on kill me, you dont have the bottle!!

Hamlet starts to bring the sword down on Claudius face but Claudiushas a knife hidden in his clothing brings it up into Hamlets body. Theyboth die.

Silence.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern rush in.

ROS: Weve come home, England was awful and Claudius is a

murderer.

GUILD: We are too late Rosencrantz, look!

ROS: Oh, shit!

The guard Bernardo walks around the bodies, touching them, hugginghimself

BERNARDO: Oh, tis so sad, they are all dead and cold, cold as the

gravetis so coldtis cold, tis cold, tis co

ALL incl dead: SHUT UP BERNARDO!!

END

hamlet new script 2010

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