Government Seeks To Get 'Hurst Involved In Financial Legislation by Maree-Lynn Cicon J55 ^

The main issue discussed at the March 30 MSG meeting concern-ed proposed Federal financial aid cuts for education pursuits.

Government officers Rich Lan-zillo and Mary Gausman attend-ed a Coalition of Pennsylvania University Student's Conference in York on March"*27 through March 29.. The purpose of this workshop was an organizational meeting for PISC, which is a lob-bying group on the Pennsylvania levels ?- f £s

Vice-President Lanzillo stated that nine Pennsylvania colleges were in*attendance,V'The cuts that the current administration wants to enforce are extensive," he said, "It's possible to have 20 per cent or more of our student enrollment drop because of* the financial aid cuts."

Gausman pointed out some specific measures that the

government may enforce. "Parental income eligibility for BEOG loans will be lowered from $25,000 a* year to*$19,000,NjShe said, "Itjwas supposed to in-crease from $25,000 to $28,000. This will eliminate between 500,000 and 600,000 students from the BEOG program, i; ''

"A student's family currently must contribute 14 per cent to the educational costs per year; this will be increased to 20 per cent for the academic year 1982", she added. fNfc \ 1 £9 & Lanzillo related jthat Mer-cyhurst. has the potential of becoming the Northwestern Pa. area's Regional headquarters. ***Our region is not heavily represented. This has a lot of potential for us to become involv-ed and recognized as a leader in our area,' he responded. •• 5 £ iff* At notion was made for a general vote of support for the

two officers to organize a trip to Washington D.C. for National Lobbying Day ion April 13th. They, as representatives of MSG, plan to correspond with area col-leges to explain the importance of such a trip and to get these in-stitutions involved. \ f

Next, a bid was made by the Environmental Club for govern-mental recognition; official voting will be conducted on this issue at the next meetings re-quested by J the':- Enviromental studies department. ''The man running these workshops is the author of our current textbook," said Sue Slagtef spokesman for the group. J J I fc ^ t f l r

"With what we learn at these meetings we will be willing to come back and set up workshops here," she added, -rWe want to make people our age aware of en-vironmental problems.'

The group is asking MSG to fund one-fourth of their cost with the administration giving another fourth. The administra-tion's contribution, however, was not verified. The remaining half would be paid by the professor and eight students who would at-tend, said Slagle. The costs would entail $15 per person. i

A motion was made to table the discussion until the next meeting, when more information could be provided If the Enviromental clubfwas recognized by the government, MSG could possibly loan them the money to be repaid at a future date, a representative brought up. "This would alleviate all problems that we might en-counter if we set a precedent in giving departments money," s t a t e d T r e a s u r e r Mary Gausman. &** '-=£ '• • In the SAC report, Lanzillo

stated that the proceeds of The April 10, Campus Center dance will benefit Muscular Dystrophy. A trip to Pittsburgh on May 1st to hear science fiction author Isaac Assimov was proposed. The cost of the bus would be the only ex-pense since the lecture is free, ac-cording to Representative Regina Zeyzus. The body was asked to get feedback from other students dealing with the feasibility of such a trip. |

President Tim Seltzer reported that the next Activities Day Com-mittee meeting was slated for Thursday at 7:30 p.m. in the Back Porch Cafe.

It was unanimously decided bv Jhe body that 10 per cent of Ac-tivity Day's receipts would go to "Habitat's for Humanity", a non-profit charity run by Campus Ministry. * £ > -*• A Rebecca Martin commented on

Continued on page 7

l

I

VOL. 53 NO. 20 MERCYHURST COLLEGE

Three Dismissed From WMCY Staff by Donna Peterson Three disc jockeys for the Mer-

cyhurstlradio station, WMCY. have.been dismissed from their present air shifts as of April 1,

,1981. In a letter dated March 24,1981,

WMCY program director Stephanie Hultberg informed disc jockeys Pete McKenna, Mike Huntoon, and Gerard Corso that they are "not meeting the standards and quality that Mer-cy hurst College is trying to obtain, here at- this station.' The students, 'who all work on a volunteer basis, were also in-formed that they may re-audition for their positions no earlier than Fall term 1981. | *

Hultberg, whose position is work-study, stated that she per-formed spot-checks on all the disc jockey's radio programs and presented each d.j. with a written evaluation of their work. The quality of McKenna's. Huntoon's and Corso1 s programs had not im-proved since they assumed their positions during Fall term, stated Hultberg. i

"I acted for the progress and betterment of the station," said Hultberg. "' 5 r <

The program director also stated that she is beginning to "crack down" on radio person-nel, making sure that all rules within the station are enforced. ^j Pete McKenna, ;a freshman communications major, said that neither he nor the other dismiss-ed d.j.'s were warned* by Hul tberg pr ior to the i r dismissals. According to McKen-na. word that he was fired came to him "out of the blue". * S

"Working for the radio station is supposed to be a learning ex-perience where you're supposed to make mistakes and learn from them," said McKenna. f

McKenna stated that lie did not feel the dismissals were justified because Hultberg, in his opinion, does not adequately perform her duties as program director. Ac-cording to McKenna, program logs, station "promos", and com-mercials are not fully readied by Hultberg for disc jockey use on

the air. McKenna further stated that Hultberg is supposed to help the disc jockeys improve their

Programs and correct mistakes, __ut she does not.^ .£ ^ M Gerard iCorso, who was also dismissed, stated that he was not informed of his dismissal when he arrived for his 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. radio shift on March 26. Another disc jockey was already at the station to take his place.

Although the letter from Hultberg was dated March 24, 11981, all three disc jockeys said] they did not receive the letter un-til March 27, the day after Corso's slated shift. £ & • id

Commenting on Hultberg's ac-tions, Steve Curcio, advisor to WMCY, said, "WMCY, from its inception was intended to be a student-run operation. That is why Stephanie has been in-structed with this particular responsibility." J

The advisor also stated that he told radio personnel "more than once" that he was going to expect a fair amount of improvement in

their broadcasts. Curcio said he also warned disc jockeys that they will be dismissed if they do not follow the guidelines of the radio sation. and show respon-sibility and improvement in tneir programs.

Concerning i the accusations against Hultberg, Curcio said he would look into them because he does not have all the facts involv-ed with the station. £

"The- program director is under my responsibility," said j Curcio. "I have not been made aware of any serious problems with her performance."

Another WMCY disc jockey, Tom Miller, was recently suspended from the station by Hultberg. The program director I imposed the four-week suspen-sion because of "bad conduct in the station and misuse of equipment." isteg 2§ j | |

Hultberg has just hired two new disc jockeys for WMCY and is in the process of auditioning others to replace the dismissed students.

ajstudent publication

$

APRIL 3.1981

StudentlRepresents Hurst At National Conference

Mercvhur s t ' s Ti t le IX representative, Rebecca Martin, attended a women's leaders hip conference in Washington D.C. March 26-29. Martin's position on campus 'is to ensure that sex equality is maintained at the college. . J& -<i

Transportation and lodging were provided to Martin through the National Student Education Fund and additional expenses were shared by Mercyhurst Stu-dent Government and the college.

The conference consisted of colleges and universities from all over the United States, such as Berkeley, Radcliffe, Cornell, and Harvard. J

According to Martin, she par-ticipated in a rigorous schedule of events from 8:00 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. every day. Workshops on leader-ship skills and ^ direct action

organizing as^well as panel discussions about TitledIX, pro-blems with enforcing it, the law, and how to raise money for women's centers on campuses were among the conference activities. 2**3

"I learned how our college compares with colleges around the country," stated Martin. "I found that Mercyhurst does not stand up to any of the other col-leges in the area of women's issues. We are really backward in that area." y m

An example cited by Martin concerns the Mercyhurst policy on sexual harassment. "It is vir-tually non-existent; as far*as I know at this time." she said. "From what I .understand the present policy suggests that the Student confront the person harassing her or him. This is an

Financial Aid In Danger Financial aid cuts are "immi-

nent" according to the Coalition of Independent i College and University Student s' (COPUS).

A COPUS newsletter states tnat tnfee areas o^tudem fltiSfl^ cial aid are in danger: The Basic Education Opportunity Grants (BEOG). The. National Direct Student Loans (NDSL) and the guaranteed Student Loans (GSL).

BEOG predicted to lose $1.2 billion in funding from last year's level. This drop would affect all BEOG recipients since the max-imum grant would be reduced from $1750 per student to $1260.

The NDSL program is expected to be reduced by $10 million. As a result, 135> thousand students may lose their funding. And the GSL program could be in trouble in that the reductions in other pro-grams would create a demand for GSL funds, u !£ JJ*\ i

I In an effort to prevent these cuts, COPUS is attempting to organize students into a lobbying force which would eventually march on Capitol Hill. jL.

According to Steve Siefman, a member of COPUS, the question of student involvement has been a "hot topic" for years.

The Higher Educa t ion Reauthorization Act passed by Congress last October included a measure creating a student posi-tion on state higher education

coordinating boards. £ £ Anywhere from 22 to 26 s state

university systems already in-clude student representatives on their boards whiles in private 'screws fhinlstnf IS JtisTteif HflfHg to gain momentum. - \ gf Li Mercyhurst College has the op-portunity to become the COPUS headquarters of the Nor-therwestern Region explained Student Government officers Rich Lanzillo and Mary

! Gausman. "jfc Lanzillo and Gausman attend-

ed a COPUS conference in York, Pennsylvania on March 28. They were informed and instructed in the area of financial aid and stu-dent lobbying. Lanzillo explained that if Mercyhurst was able to organize colleges in the Nor-thwestern Region, some effective lobbying would result. <$'

At press time, Gannon Univer-s i ty , Al l i ance Col lege , Westminster College and possibly'Allegheny College, have expressed interest forming a COPUS group with Mercyhurst. Lanzillo added that he has been in touch with Thiel and Grove City Colleges. "In a probability," said Lanzillo, "this is the most impor-tant thing we've done this year."

Bill Kennedy, director of stu-dent affairs, commented, "This is a serious matter and it will af-fect virtually all Mercyhurst students." T ** &

archaic guideline to follow and potentially dangerous." j

Presently, Martin is working with other women at Mercyhurst "who a re in te res ted in delineating the rights of women in higher education, particularly at Mercyhurst." ? f 2 5

Martin stated that although the conference was termed' a women's conference, men were there and \participated in the activities. \ '* j* f t. "It is crucial for anything we want to accomplish here for men to understand exactly what women's? issues a'are, said Martin. p i

She hopes that an effectual change will go through at Mer-

cyhurst before the end of this school year. I f

S "We want to follow procedure in order to ensure that our results are legitimate," 4 commented Martin. J

Specifically, Martin and the other women are working on the area of sexual harassment at this time. They are researching affir-mative action guidelines, Title IX statutes, and the present college policy. Martin stated, "we are also working with a surprising number of alleged sexual harass-ment incidents that have occur-red on this campus." She added that the "names of the alleged

Continued on page 7

PAGE 2 THE MERCIAD APRIL 3,1981

( 0 CO CO

o o o 0) 0) G>

C CJC (i) CD CD EEE EEE o o o o o o

The Right To! Aid I It is essential that the Mer-cyhurst student community realize the long range effect of the potential financial aid cuts. Long range in the sense that next year only 100 students may be able to attend our college.

•Students (and parents) must come to terms with these threatening budget cuts. Once this is done both parties need to prepare to assert their right to funding for higher education. And the way to do this is by utilizing the power working as a force that a common goal brings, s

Write! letters to the con-gressmen involved. It will have an effect, mure than fearing and worrying about the future will.

Let the people in legislative power know that students have power too. Make them aware of the need for financial aid. §

Involvement * in COPUS * is nothing to sneeze at. Presently, it is one of the few (if not only) organizations planning direct ac-tion against the budget cuts. And writing the congressmen will on-ly aid COPUS in organizing effec-tive lobbying forces, i* |

Students need to be aware of the danger budget cuts will bring. If a student is presently receiving his education with financial aid, the odds are good that next year they won't receive anything. Neither financial aid nor an education. ?$HJi £ fS

Anyone interested 1 in applying for the

1981-82 position ofv Merciad Editor

should submit their* letter of intent to the

newspaper office (Box 45) notlater than I April 10.

letters\fo The Editor Ministry Sponsors Workshop H ForEgan scholars Dear Editor: MR I Jgt gp, - S Wfik JEl4

rag The Reagan administration is engaged in massive military assistance to the military-civilian junta in El Salvador. Many religious leaders around the word have expressed doubts about such a policy. These Christian and Jewish leaders contend that the struggle in El Salvador is over internal injustices and not a battle between Russia and the United States, as the U.S. State department contends.\ .,&-> sBt B ' ''. jf 1 V* ^ m In the past year more than eight thousand people have been kill-ed, most by the military forces and paramilitary death squads that roam the country side killing and torturing anyone who dares to speak out against injustice. Three Catholic nuns, one lay mis-sionary, three priests and one Archbishoo were all assasinated because they dared to preach and live the Gospel message of Jesus and the prophets. It is time for all those who are on the side of human rights to speak out. j £ |^ : ^3

On Monday night at 7 p.m. the Campus Ministry office is sponsor-ing a workshop on how to write letters of protest to our government. Come and write a letter that may help the Reagan administration to act more justly in its dealings with underdeveloped countries of Central America. The meeting will be held in the Campus Ministry office.? <ran§ Siai -rSBK§ rj ?

Student 1 Expresses Thanks I

^ S ^ n L I # • v l u Q publication VOL. 53 NO. 20 MERCYHURST COLLEGE APRIL 3,1981

Editor-in-Chief Rebecca L Martin '$ News Editor? Donna Peterson 52rTW«S -• Photo Editor /fen Fbnoren 9 N S E * $ Sports Editor .......Michael Fitzgerald ti^^9^^E3 5 B 3 S

Cartoonists «. ....JamwBofowtcj, Christopher McGowan S R w ' ^ B ^ K S* iV Photography CoHeen Farley, Christopher Meyers S S B S R B f f f l B B E S r -Sports .j*.U»A^^ay.Taye(XColes and JackBour*^^ Typists Mary Cay Marchione, Valerie Meyers ^ ' l r v S S S ! K ^ * 5 i l S ^ B St*11 M v«^. fit* Ancterson,Maree4 Cto. Tony Mangef|,Chre Faculty Advisor —^^. . .Steve &>Kto^^^^^^ Publisher .£... . . : .. Brown-Thompson Newspapers

To t h e M e r c y h u r s t Community: '•

On behalf of the Egan Scholars,. I wou|d like to extend my greatest thanks to those people who helped make Alekrandev Zotov's visit a pleasant experience, |

f would like to start by thanking Dr. Vivetta Petronio and the Egan Council for their hard work. Also, Sister Elizabeth Lintsen and all of Campus Ministry. Of course no presentation could be accomplished without Sharon Sisco and Media Services. And, as always, the food services of K.C. and H.R.M.A. were ex-cellent. My personal gratitude to Mr. Richard Kubiak and Dr. Mike Erisman should also be in* eluded here. j

I was very glad to participate in such an event, and especially pleased with the amount of help which was volunteered by the Mercyhurst Community. However, it saddens me "very much to realize once again that the majority of students, faculty and administrators are unwilling to support this college and its ac-tivities, even to such a limited ex-tent as attendance at any event. onrimply returning an R.S. V.P.' Barry J. Bernaus

SAVE OLD NEWSPAPERS FOR A PAPER DRIVE!!

If you have any extra newspapers (no

magazines) to donate, I Contact: Don in i operations

STAFF MEETINGS Wednesdays at 4:00 in Merciad

I Office |Anyone Interested

In Working On Newspaper Is

Welcome

Letter Of IntentiFor Student \

Government Officer

Elections J Due April 6 at 5:00 p.m.

j&fc/l no#l...ifm yzftino 4.0S m aNmych&es, tffe £ * / fa; bee*just

-terrific, u/tctfhtts qfzaf qrsd ttyjusl O^OOAOSJ initio* ha* fcee*N

get+6 fke *fynl fco/5 fn^l

iC^^L^

PAGE 3

a foolish publication

VOL 53 NO. 20 EVERYTHING WE PRINT IS A LIE AN APRIL FOOLS INSERT

Winner Announced In 'April Fool9 Contest

Although the* MERCIAD received a variety of entries for the first annual "April Fool Con-test," there was one nominee who outshone the rest in terms of his foolishness. Before his name is announced, readers should realize that by no means should anyone try to imitate this person at home.

This fool is trained at his pro-fession and it is EXTREMELY dangerous for untrained persons to assume the role of any fool. Fools are not rare but true fools should be kept under close surveillance and at, an arm's length. | j

If a fool does something well, even on the smallest scale, he should be praised for it so that he does not despair and quit all together. Although fools provide laughter for others they are losers in their own right and deserve a kind word and a smile once in a while. *•' **

So, the next time you see our fool, give him a pat on the back and congratulate him for all his fine accomplishments. So without further adieu, here is the MER-CIAD's 1981 "Pool of the Year": MATT TRUESDALE. The follow-ing are two letters submitted to the MERCIAD nominating Matt as "Fool of the Year."

Film For Discussion

From the first foolish nomina-tion: "The biggest fool I know is Matt TruesdaTe. Matt is really a nice kid in his own unique way. $ ' "He has this habit of imitating people not only by the way they talk but by their gestures as well.

^"Matt gets up at 7:00 in the morning and runs with the rest of the cross-country team. Anyone that gets up that early to run, rain, snow, or shine has to be a fool. 'X

"I'm sure if you know Matt or meet him he'll be the biggest fool you know too."

Hie second foolish nomination: "I have met a large number of

fools on this campus. All things considered I feel the biggest and most outspoken fool is Matt Truesdale. I*-

"Mattfis a full-fledged, bonafide redneck. He is the per-son who believes^ in shotguns, chewing tobacco, Iron City beer, and Waylon Jennings singing a country lullaby.

"Any person who can exist in the city of Erie, and still remain a redneck, must be a real fool.

"P.S. I feel it is important to mention that it takes a Dig fool to drink Iron City Beer." , *j

By the way, the prize for the winning fool is nonexistent.* APRIL FOOLS!!!

BiologyiOepartment To Present "Ben" The Mercyhurst Biology

Department under the direction of Lew Lutton and Linda Lochner will sponsor a special "Film for Discussion" later this month.,

The film "Ben" will be shown in Room 200 Main on April 17, 1981. The topic for discussion, "rats" will then be led by Biology major, Anne Marie Dixon. Anyone with any interest in or knowledge of rats is encouraged to attend. Lutton also requests mat anyone who owns a copy of

the hit Michael Jackson song, "Ben" should bring It to his office immediately. ;

"If we get enough people at the film," said Lutton, "we may be able to sing a few verses of 'Ben1

before and after the movie.' j Given the nature of the subject

matter of the film, refreshments will not be served. Admission is free and anyone, including those without a scientific mind, is in-vited to attend.

COMMUTER A WARD

Bruce Kopal Bob Penza Tom Kalinzak

!

W. P. Garvey hams It for the camera with his prospective bride Molly Kohlmiller. i

Garvey Plans To Wed \H * ¥ e%t§&

• • *< . c * * * »

At a press conference for the MERCILESS, President William P. Garvey announced his engage-ment i to Molly Kohlmiller, secretary to Gary Bukowski of the Alumni and Annual Giving office.

Garvey opened the press con-ference by stating, "Behind every great man there is a good woman, and now I've got mine." He also stated that the Tate spring wedding will not in any way af-fect the normal functioning of the college except that he will re-name Garvey Park "Molly's Grove." I t

Before Garvey could say another word, Kohlmiller burst into song. "I'm sooooo happy," she said. Kohlmiller then inform-ed the press that Garvey and she had been dating since the Doris Kearns -lecture , in September. "We discovered a mutual interest in History lectures and have been attending them ever since." ;

Kohlmiller confessed that she had been in love with "Willie" since the Wilbur Mills lecture, but he didn't tell her of his mutual love until the Ramsey Clark speech was cancelled and the two instead attended a documentary film at the Public Library. ., k The wedding date for the cou-ple has been set for Activities Day, 1981 and will take place in the Christ the King Chapel. The ceremony will take place at noon and will be officiated by George Garrelts who was less than a tank away* .?

Garvey and Kohlmiller also an-nounced that the wedding party will consist of best man, Gary" , - • • • • * » r ~

| Bukowski, maid of honor, Alda Walker, and ring bearer, Rich Lanzillo.

Bukowski, Kohlmiller's boss and long time steady boyfriend, admitted that he felt somewhat shunned by Kohlmiller*s engage-ment "I don't know what I could have done wrong. I took her to all the County Council meetings, I even gave her a heart pin. I guess the better man won." h Garvey divulged tentative plans for the couple's honey-moon. "We decided we'd like something with an * historical flavor," said Garvey. "First well head south and visit Mount Vernon and Monticello, then we'll travel up to Gettysburg, and from there we'll most likely play it by

ear. Molly tells me they have a nice tour of the Mayflower that time ofcyear." * • ? *

Director of external affairs, i Mary Ann Daly) announced that • preparations are underway for a bridal shower for Kohlmiller. Jacqueline Howey, professor of Human i Ecology, will design shower decorations and invita-tions. Jean in the mailroom of-fered to mail the invitations for free.

Before Garvey and Kohlmiller left the press conference hand in hand,, the two refused to inform the press about their future plans concerning housing and children. Kohlmiller was heard singing an aria as she walked Garvey to his office.

The Wedding Party, Molly and her maid of honor Alda Walker Standing is the best man Gary Bukowski and rlngbearer Rich Lanzillo

• - • - - ' * - - «:

PAGE 4

a foolish publication

i VOL 53 NO. 20 EVERYTHING WE PRINT IS A LIE APRIL FOOLS INSERT

Criteria Set Forth For Prospective RA's

Mercyhurst College has an-nounced to dormitory students that RA | application are now available.

For any students wishing to ap-ply for this position, there is a standard set of criteria you must be aware of. First, students must be able to drink a case of beer in less than one half an hour. They must also hold at least a 1.0 grade point average.

Dr. Garvey, the * president of the college, also : stated that anyone applying must be failing the majority of their classes, if not all of them. |

The administration is i; looking

for irresponsible and unreliable students. They need students who are capable of creating chaos within the dorms and whenever possible throughout the entire college. j

Students (wishing to apply for this employment, should talk to whomever they want, whenever they want. They should not be prompt and should remember to wear their grubbiest clothes that have been lying in a pile on their floor for over a month.: ;

They must also know how to drool and whenever possible try to spray it on the lucky person in-terviewing them.-

Spring Fever Editorial; One Reporter's Opinion

Once again, Mercyhurst students have been exposed to the greater than seamier side of life. In one of the landmark events in campus history, 'Hurst students witnessed true love blossom and build to a wondrous flowering. The wise and respected president of this institution, Dr. William Garvey, has asked for the hand of an equally admirable woman.

Miss Molly Kohlmiller, known to this author as a calm and ~ fair individual, will inherit the coveted role oP'Queen of the

college 'If you wiilftt is yet uncertain whether Kohlmiller and her fiance will remain in their present positions at Mer-cyhurst. But why not? Garvey, being an adherent profes-sional in all he does, would not be expected to interfere with or allow Kohlmiller's job in the Alumni and Annual Giving of-fice to become detrimental to his marriage. Besides, students here will probably be anxious to witness the ra-diance of the newlyweds on a daily basis.

Students should take a cue from this recent action of the president. In an environment appearing to be all work and no play, this man has proven one can find love while striving for distinction. In the wake of the college's football debut as well as a constant influx of unread history books, Garvey has demonstrated that in the spring, even men of his great caliber, allow their fancies to turn to love.

Dean To Sponsor "Friends Forever" Dinner

There will be a special dinner at Mercyhurst on May 2 that will be sponsored by Dean David Palmer. The dinner is called the "Friends Forever Dinner" and various Mercyhurst students will soon receive personalized invita-tions from Palmer/The continu-ing theme of the dinner will focus on autographed photographs given to one friend from another.

The dinner will most likely be catered by KC Foods as are all Mercyhurst dinners, and is ex-pected to consist of onions and garlic-based foods, since, said Palmer, "we all have to be good friends to eat onions and garlic together." * ^ & - i

A huge, mural autographed picture of Palmer is being created by the Hurst Art Depart-ment. The picture is signed with the words, "Friends forever, Dave Palmer." 4

Each student at the dinner will receive his own autographed photo from Palmer and a cer-tified "Friends Forever" membership card. Palmer stated that he invited Carole King to be the entertainment for the affair and sing, "You've Got A Friend,"

but she was committed to another engagement. Palmer then asked the dinner theater group to pre-sent a "Walton's" skit so that the diners could learn friendly love through an actual family. Igor Stalsky said of Palmer's request, "That is the strangest thing I've ever heard."

Students will be chosen at ran-dom to attend Palmer's dinner. According to Palmer. "It really doesn't matter who is invited -we're all friends."

••

Detmar Straub demonstrates the acting potential which led Dave Blanchfield to offer him a starring role in the epic production " Loaves and Fishes." '

Numerous Changes \ Will Take Place On Campus * There will be a number of

moves to take place on campus beginning this spring, according to Mercyhurst President, Dr. William Garvey.

The newly created 'Hurst foot-ball team will practice and hold games on the present Soccer field behind Baldwin Hall. The Soccer team will occupy the Baseball field to i perform all of its ac-tivities, which will, in turn, cause the baseball team to hold games inside the Campus Center.

Baseball coach Dr. Michael Cusack explains, the change will not 3affect the way Baseball games are played: "So what if we don't play in the sun - it only gets

in our eyes anyway. Cusaack also said, "The fact

that fly balls will hit the wall is no big deal, we're mainly a grounder team." • #

The basketball team was notified today that it will be mov-ed to the old gymnasium for prac-tices and games, forcing the women's crew team practices to re-locate in the Zurn Hall Student Union. One woman crew member commented, "It's no sweat, we can listen to the Juke box now."

Dr. William ] Garvey also in-formed the Merciless that Mer-cyhurst is definitly going to con-struct a stream which will run throughout the campus. Con-

struction will take place this sum-mer and will be completed for the fall Crew races.

According to David Blanchf ield of the Campus Ministry, the new stream will provide an excellent opportunity for religion classes. "We plan to stock the stream with fish," said Blanchfield, "and hold a mock 'loaves and fishes' play."

"Certain members of the ad-ministration have agreed to play disciples," _he continued. "Det-mar Straub has volunteered to portray Jesus. It should be an enlightening event."

Plans Underway To Purchase Pano's Restaurant

Plans to buy the Pano's restaurant were recently discuss-ed by Tom Billingsley and John Ma us. >

The idea, which was originally Billingsley's, is expected to be funded by an alleged slush fund operated by Ma us. The fund is fronted through John Nesbit's office. £j

"I feel there is a great need to provide alternate feeding to the Mercyhurst community," said Billingsley who worked his way through college at a greasy spoon. ? Nesbit agreed to front the opera-

tion largely because ne ate at a number of greasy spoons while in college. "I think there is a real possibility for- the college to broaden its taste here."

Maus, who lives on the north side of a tree, wants to expand the Pano's operation into a full-time cookie factory which would

model the Keebler elves. Lillian Cohen, Carol Hill and

Jo Ann Cooper refused an offer to work in the dishroom of the restaurant. Jean Lavin, however, agreed to accept a position for a price. "Why not?,' she com-mented, "It beats Belling pencils to supplement your salary, and anyway it will give me a chance to apply group dynamics on my employers,"

Bertha is irate at the idea. "It's just: one more thing to keep clean,'' she said.

Louis Mennini, who has never eaten in a greasy spoon in his life, had no comment to make.

Donald Platte and Joy Kolb, both of whom are partial to elves, expressed an interest in the long-range plans.

Billingsley added that Pano's should be under his personal supervision by summer 1981. He also stated that plans are being

Tom Billingsley

made to change the name to PanHurst.

Nesbit was heard sing "I love a greasy spoon" to the tune of the popular single by Eddie Rabitt.

PAGES

a foolish publication

VOL. 53 NO. 20 EVERYTHING WE PRINT IS A LIE AN APRIL FOOLS INSERT

Faculty Supplement Incomes Start Pen And Pencil Sale

9

The Mercyhurst College facul-ty will hold their annual pen and pencil sale this week on the Mer-cyhurst campus.

According to faculty chairman of the drive, Barry McAndrew, this sale is held each year in order to raise money to offset the cost of faculty clothes and sup-plies. McAndrew initiated the drive in 1972 by selling boxes of Fiddle Faddle. I "This did not

generate much profit," McAn-drew stated, "so we moved into magazines, term papers, Miss Katy-Did : Candies, and finally pens and pencils." f i |

As one long-time faculty member put it, "My pay just isn't enough anymore. I've tried to stretch it and find it's nearly im-possible. When McAndrew came up with the idea We all said, 'Gee, why not?' I mean, heck, I can

Mike McQuillen joined the ranks of faculty selling pencils in order to make a decent wage. "I need more * money than most," said Mc-Quillen. He explained that the umbrella was a Mr. French imitation to give; him an air of respectability.**The guitar," he added, "is for hire" I t

hardly afford my pipe tobacco and turtleneck pullovers anymore." K * i §)p .' All faculty members will be participating in the fund raiser and will be visiting*the* local plazas and shopping malls with the pens and pencils. There will also be booths set up at strategic points around the Mercyhurst campus. The main booth will be manned by Bud Brown and Bob Cisek and will be located approx-imately 4-6 feet to the left of the "UniFlow" drinking fountain on second floor Zurn near •' the Geology Department. Cisek will be wearing a tapioca colored button-down shirt while selling the pens and pencils. He expects a moderate turn-out. {

This year the pens will come in the colors salmon, periwinkle, and magenta and will be emboss-ed with the words, "Take a letter Maria." They will cost 75 cents, although Brown said that he will accept "any reasonable offer."

The pencils are of the basic number two type and will sell for 30 cents. *• i

Sally Schrader has offered to sharpen a 11 the pencils on, her electronic penclf^shai'pefie'r^* Sister Peggy Annabaldi volunteered Punxsutawney Phil to aid Ms. Schrader. ft-. *

Each faculty member expects to make between $50 and $100. "I want to go to Greece," stated Dr. Mike Nye-Applebaum. Sister Matthew and Ms. Diane Williams have agreed to use their profits to buy a new abacus for the Math department. P

Andrew Roth was heard mumbling something about alligator shirts and docksiders.

New Dorm| Planned For Hurst Campus

There will be a new dormitory on the Mercyhusrt Campus next fall, according to housing direc-tor Phyllis Aiello. The, building will be named O'Connor Hall and will house only men and women athletes. £ ^ S e *

The dorm will be built adjacent to the Campus Center to provide easy accessibility for the dorm residents. |

Applications for residency in the dorm will be accepted on a rolling basis: Those students who can roll the longest: will be ac-cepted first. There is, said Aiello, a limit to 50 students for the new dorm. |

She added that the rolling pro-cedure was being used because it is the only rational alternative to the point system used in the past. "I can't wait to get things rolling," she commented. Con-struction will begin immediately. Those interested in living in the

dorm may contact Aiello at home, h * i

Andy Findlay with a "runaway" toddler. A good deed on Ac-tivities Day '80 * g£

Findlay's Follies Opens For Business

Top-notch tennis player, Andy Findlay, has left his position with the Mercyhurst tennis team in order to begin his life-long dream of opening an amusement park for toddlers. f

Pictured is Findlay with an unknown child who recently visited "Findlay's Follies," located near the Sesler parking lot. Findlay is shown'here operating his "Manual Scrambler." -f **

Findlay's former doubles partner, Ravindar Sabherwal, is "miff-ed" bout Findlay's actions. I don't see why he would have to give me up for little twerps like that. I'm fun." J s- ^

Faculty member Andy Roth stated, "As Andy's advisor for his Communications major. I'm pleased that he is moving on to the area of business as an entrepreneur." I

So far, "Findlay's Follies" is a one-man effort with Findlay offer-ing roller coaster rides, a water ride, a "bouncing bassinet" and an eating pavi'llion serving a daily special, "Enfamil-on-a-Stick."

«"5P

WANTED: Unused Class Cards

Submit td DaveiThomas.

*

Minimal Fee Offered

PAGE 6

\

\

I I

\

z a foolish | publication

VOL. 53 NO. 20 EVERYTHING WE PRINT IS A LIE AN APRIL FOOLS INSERT

\

Former Merciad Advisor Steve Curcio has reportedly undergone metamorphisis and is now applying for residency at the Erie Zoo.

I

Findlay Follies Apply now for summer!!

Now Accepitng Tenants For

Bilid win Gardens Contact thef

office oi% external affairs

Anyone who knows of a

I teacher § accepting bogus (class cards should contact:

Len Cyterski

New ....,,-Courses Offered

A new course has been a dded to the Mercyhurst curriculum for the 1981-82 school year. Accor-ding to Dean David Palmer, the course information is as follows: Course Title: Intro, to In-tramural Academic Subterfuge t* Course Number: SOC. 4.00 Course Description: This course is designed to prepare the college student to "beat the academic system." It offers 10 weeks of in-tensive in-field experience, dup-ing which the student is required to achieve a 4.0 grade in at least one of his classes by means other than academic proficiency. The student must use one of the following guidelines to complete the 4.0 effort: , \&Bi J~ 1.) Athletic priority scam: Under this method, the student achieves 4.0 status» in the classroom by making a case for his/her invaluable status in a team sport. 2.) Ethnic-pull contract: This method (designed to treat minority groups equitably) re-quires the Italian student to achieve his/her 4.0 by having an uncle with a violin case persuade the instructor administer * the desired grade. *T This course is offered with the ad-vanced student in mind. As with all upper level courses, evidence that the student is familiar with his/her material is required. Simple cheating or plagiarism will not be accepted as fulfillment of; the academic subterfuge experience.^,- gk

Genetic Deformity Discovered

A new genetic discovery was made in Egan Hall recently. Ms. Beth Ann Paletta, rumored to have abnormal hearing ability, has come "out of the closet" with her deformity.

"Actually, I just thought my floor was too loud," stated Palet-ta who is a resident assistant in Egan. "Now I know that I have what is known in the medical world as Hawkears." j ? V

The Merciless has 4 found through extensive research on the-subject that iPaletta's pro-blem is not uncommon. It is suf-fered by many R.A.'s throughout the country. The deformity results from listening to noise after quiet hours and complaints before quiet hours about how un-quiet hours were yesterday. *

There are some warning symp-toms to the disease, all of which are suffered by Ernest Magaro, Diane Pettula and Tim Weeks.

Paletta, who pretends to be a crayola crayon when she is not on duty, says there are some hopeful cures, f "You can always write people up," she advised. "It helps create tension and people don't bother you aa much.

Garvey Models HBp||§ 1981Attire\M | 1

At a board of trustees luncheon and card party today at Mer-cyhust College, Dr. William Garvey, President of the school, modeled the 1981 graduation attire. J I ,r, % jj$

Garvey is pictured above posing for the women in the quiana and velveteen caftan-like robe. Garvey also donned a mauve-colored scarf around his neck and the traditional black cap with a multi-colored fringe attached. « £ Sfog s - '

The women oohed and aahed at Garvey as he paraded up and down the modeling ramp. • %- f:' ~ SBprre

Soccer Team Enters Breakfast Contest

The Mercyhurst College soccer team will enter the Kellogg's stick up for Breakfast Contest. • SEE L %

The contest is held in order to encourage people to eat a daily breakfast. The team has chosen to make the college community a Gala Breakfast in order to publicize the contest.

This breakfast of the champions will consist of wheaties with bananas and pure cane sugar. The featured breakfast dish will be blueberry wheat germ muffins stuffed with loads of vitamin C and E. Orange juice and gatorade will also be served.

APRIL 3,1981 THE MERCIAD PAGE 7 MSG Cont. from page 1 her recent four-day trip to the Na-tional Women's Leadership con-ference. According to Martin, leadership skills and obtaining ef-fective administration response were topics discussed.

"Despite the high female ratio here at Mercy hurst, we lack ef-fective programs for women," she said, for example, the area of sexual harassment is completely overlooked. f $ Conference cont, from page 1 v i c t i m s and supposed perpetrators will not be released by myself until a definite policy has been established."

Hie women are now compiling data and will present it to John Nesbit, assistant to the president in government relations, sometime next week.

« « ' Mercyhurst needs to set up a committee to hear eases of sex-ual harassment on this campus," she continued. "I feel there is a need for this, but I don't want to goT about it in a threatening manner." T

Martin alleges that within 24 hours of returning home from her Washington trip she was inform-ed of four different cases of sex-ual harassment "The definition of sexual harassment includes

not only the physical acts but also general remarks in which a stu-dent is subjected to sexist and stereotypical remarks by the pro-fessor , explained Martin. "I want to stress that male students can also be victims." ^ •* Martin stated that what she needs from MSG is support to go about setting up such a commit-tee. The issue was tabled until the next meeting pending further in-formations and discussion..

T.B. I want 21 more

Father-Daughter Weekend Is May 2 and 3

So Tell Your Dads If you have any questions or would like to help contact:

BethPaletta, Egan Hall, Rm 4 Ext. 358

or •; Amy Gillespie,

Baldwin Hall, Rm. 236

Laurie and Bubby, Control you rubber neck at Notre Dame this weekend. Have a fantastic time at the formal. Anita Louie, Happy one year. I love you. Lynne ^ Gina-Happy Birthday Sis! Love ya, Mar : 15 For sale Pour mags remington tires and keystone rims. Spun balanced size- F70-14 $250 or best offer. Call Paula Hokaj 825-6559 llSMcAuley i % GARVEY RESIGNS!! Sealer232 CONDEM^D! F to • t i l i Divorce court opens at 8 a.m. Did you know the clipper galley is sinking!?! 'j

WANTED: Two new sons: Apply in person. MOM FOR!'SALE:" 1973i Montes Carlo, 350 V-B, automatic, air condition-ing, AM-FM, power steering, latest inspection, must sell. Make offer 866-1018 v ; \^£ Dickie, Thanks mr remembering my Mom. Love, Lynn Carol R, Good luck. Hang in there till Friday, VaJ > To Oreo-Power- Did you realize that when all five of us get together we make a triple decker single filling oreo cookie? Part of the filling r$ Anyone interested in joining a military coup effort, contact Mr Kubiak and Dr. McQuillen Please don't expel the editor. From her mother and father. Yes, I made my mother pay for. that ad. The editor. > - »

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Saturday April 4 K-104'sDJ.D.

Alexander playing oldies tbut goodies plus Top 40 9:30-2:00

by Steve Curc io . A

This column was to have been In the same spirit as other sec-tions in regard to the April Fool's stories. However, in light of the developments earlier this week, I would feel uncomfortable writing what was intended to be a light-hearted discourse. I will have to save my ideas for a future issue.

Instead, I want to address one topic. The topic is the violence in America, Other, societies perceive us as a bigger-happy, violence-dominated culture. It becomes apparent that they may be right, world press only hears the details of when a President or a John Lennon is gunned down in the streets of our cities. "We, however, hear of these instances day after day.

The question to ask is "How can this senseless killing be stop-ped?" The answer may not be easy, but there must be an answer if our society is to sur-vive. The violence so common in our society must be curbed

There will \ be a man* datory meeting lor all secondary Ed Majors. It will be neld in Room 312M on Thursday, April 2,1981 at 8:00 p.m.

The following dates have

been scheduled for Co-op Infor-

mational I Seminars: Friday, April 3

9:00 a.m. Tuesday, April f 4 ; 2:00 p.m. 1

Wednesday, April 22 11:00a.m.

Thursday, May 7 1:00 p.m.

Monday, May 18 6:30 p.m.

Tuesday, May 26 10:00 a.m.

For store iafonaatioa please contact the Career Services

Office, 204 Old Mala

before it destroys us. 3 Gun control is not the only

aaswer. It is, however, a start I have never been one to speak out emotionally either for or against gun control. But it is impossible to ignore the fact that many of our murders occur when such weapons are used. It is Just too easy for anyone to get a gun. Un-til we cure that problem, there will be no possible-end to violence in our society.

Handgun control is not the only cure for any problems that we may have. It can be a part of the solution. Violence in our society is something that cannot, be eliminated in Just one step. It will take a long time, it will take money, and it will take deter-mination. One doesn't complete a long journey in Just one large step. It takes several steps, one at a time. I submit that handgun control is the first step necessary toward that goal of respect for human life. i .

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