02 MIND YOUR LANGUAGE

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“Do not believe what your teacher tells youmerely out of respect for the teacher”

Gautama Buddha

Focus on Facts

A strong argument is one that usesfacts over opinion. But, that can be dif-ficult to remember when you’re in themiddle of a disagreement. However, arespectful — not to mention com-

pelling — disagreement is one thatpriorities logic over your emotionsabout the situation. So, don’t forget toplace your emphasis on the reasoningand information supporting your dis-agreement.

Know when to move onThat cliché catchphrase “agree to dis-agree” is oft-repeated for a reason: It canbe a handy sentiment to lean on when youneed it. Perhaps one of the most impor-tant pieces of respectfully disagreeingwith someone is knowing when you need

to justcall itquits andmove on. No,it’s not alwayseasy to swallowyour pride and walkaway — particularlywhen you feel strongly aboutyour side. But, sometimes it’s thebest thing you can do.

Avoid putting down other person’s ideas and beliefs

If you’ve ever been on the receiving endof someone’s tirade or put-downs, youknow how valuable using respectful lan-guage and behaviour can be. So insteadof saying what you might be thinking(“That’s a stupid idea!”), try: “I don’tagree, and here’s why.” Resist the temp-tation to yell, use sarcasm, or makederogatory comments and you’ll have amuch better chance of getting your pointacross.

Keeping unnecessary expressions under control

Raising the voice, aggressive tones or

patronising undertone, rolling of theeyes will not change anyone’s mindto see your way, but perhaps feellike you are the antagoniser.You can stand your groundand maintain your beliefs,but understand others havetheir own too.

Stay calmThis is the most important thing youcan do to keep a conversation ontrack. Of course, it’s a huge chal-lenge to stay calm and rationalwhen you feel angry or passionateabout something — especially if theperson you’re talking to gets riledup. You may need to be the matureone who manages the conversation,even if the other person is some-one who should know better.

1. Totally, completely,absolutely, literally These words don’t add information to asentence. For example, “The box was com-pletely full of clothes.” reads the same as,“The box was full of clothes.” or betteryet, “The box was stuffed with clothes.”

2. Definitely, certainly,probably, actually, basically, virtuallyAgain, these words don’t add informa-tion. If the sentence makes sense with-out these words, remove them.

3. Rather, quite, somewhat, somehowA movie doesn’t have to be “ratherdull,” it can just be “dull.” Delete!

4. ThatIt’s superfluous most of thetime. Open any documentyou’ve got drafted on yourdesktop and find a sentencewith that in it. Read it outloud. Now, read it againwithout that. If the sen-tence works without it,delete it. Also? Don’t usethat when you refer to people.

5. VeryAccurate adjectives don’t need quali-fiers. Very is intended to magnify averb, an adjective, or another adverb.What it does is makes your statementless specific. If you’re very happy, beecstatic. If you’re very sad, perhapsyou’re melancholic or depressed.Woebegone, even. Very sad is a lazyway of making your point. Another pit-fall of using very as a modifier is thatit’s subjective. Very cold and very tallmean different things to different peo-ple. Be specific. She’s 6’3” and it’s 13degrees below freezing. These makeyour writing better.

6. AmazingIt’s time to retire the word “amazing.

So, what are we supposed to say insteadof “amazing?” Funny you should ask:wonderful, incredible, startling, marvel-lous, astonishing, astounding, remark-able, miraculous, surprising, mind-blow-ing, staggering, bewitching etc.

7. AlwaysAbsolutes lock the writer into a posi-tion, sound conceited and close-minded,and often, open the door to criticismregarding inaccuracies. Always is rarelytrue. Unless you’re giving written com-mands or instruction, find another word.

8. JustIt’s a filler word and it makes your sen-tence weaker, not stronger. Unlessyou’re using it as a synonym for equi-table, fair, even-handed, or impartial,don’t use it at all.

9. MaybeThis makes you sound misinformed,unsure of the facts you’re presenting.Regardless of the topic, do the leg-work, be sure, and write an informedpiece. The only thing you communi-

cate when you include these wordsis uncertainty.

10. Used to“He used to write like this when

he started writing.” Reason:Using fewer words to express anidea is almost always a goodidea, so “used to write” can be

written “wrote,” as in, “He wrote likethis when he started writing.”

GOSSIPSpeaking ill of somebody who’s not pres-ent. Not a nice habit, and we know per-fectly well the person gossiping, five min-utes later, will be gossiping about us.

JUDGING We know people who are like this in con-versation, and it’s very hard to listen tosomebody if you know that you’re beingjudged and found wanting at the same time.

NEGATIVITY You can fall into this. My mother, in thelast years of her life, became very nega-tive, and it’s hard to listen. I rememberone day, I said to her, “It’s October 1 to-day,” and she said, “I know, isn’t it dread-ful?” It’s hard to listen when somebody’sthat negative.

COMPLAININGWe complain about the weather, sport,about politics, about everything, but

actually, complaining is viral mis-ery. It’s not spreading sunshine

and lightness in the world.

EXCUSESWe’ve all met this guy.Maybe we’ve all been

this guy. Some peoplehave a blamethrower.

They just pass it on to every-body else and don’t take responsibilityfor their actions, and again, hard to lis-ten to somebody who is being like that.

EXAGGERATIONPenultimate, the sixth of the seven,embroidery, exaggeration. It demeansour language, actually, sometimes. Forexample, if I see something that reallyis awesome, what do I call it? And then,of course, this exaggeration becomeslying, and we don’t want to listen to peo-ple we know are lying to us.

DOGMATISMAnd finally, dogmatism. The confusion offacts with opinions. When those twothings get conflated, you’re listening intothe wind. You know, somebody is bom-barding you with their opinions as if theywere true. It’s difficult to listen to that.

HOW TO

5 smart ways to disagree withsomeone respectfully

Stating an opinion➨In my opinion...➨The way I see it...➨If I was in your place...➨As far as I’m con-

cerned...➨If you ask me...

Expressing agreement➨I agree with you. ➨You’re absolutely

right.➨You have a point there.

➨That’s exactly how I feel.➨Exactly.

➨I’m afraid I agree with Mahesh.➨I have to side with Dad on

this one.➨No doubt about it.➨ (Agree with negative

statement) Me neither.➨ (Weak) I suppose so. / I guess so.

➨You have apoint there.

➨I was just going tosay that.

Expressing disagreement➨I don’t think so.➨I beg to differ.➨No, I’m not so sure about that.

➨Not necessarily.➨That’s not always

true.➨That’s notalways the case.➨No, I’m not so

sure about that.

Interruptions➨Can I add something

here?➨Is it okay if I jump in for a

second?➨If I might add something...➨Can I throw my two cents in?

➨Sorry to interrupt, but...➨ (After accidentally interruptingsomeone) Sorry, go ahead. OR Sorry,you were saying...➨(After being interrupted) You didn’tlet me finish.

Seeking agreement➨Do you agree?

Partly agreeing➨I agree up to a point, but ...➨I see your point, but ...

HELPFUL PHRASES

1. HEMANT: I think Virat is a better player than Sachin.

You: _______________(Agree)You: _______________(Disagree)

2. SUNIL: I am sure India willwin the upcoming T20 World Cup.

You: _______________________(Agree)You: ____________________(Disagree)

3. RAMESH: I think yesterday’sworkshop was very informative. I learnt a lot! You: _______________________(Agree)You: ____________________(Disagree)

EXERCISE: COMPLETE THE CONVERSATION

10 WORDS YOU SHOULD CUT FROM YOUR

WRITINGIMMEDIATELY

SINS OFSPEAKING

Seven deadly

Julian Treasure, in his TedTalk, ‘How to speak so thatpeople want to listen’mentions the seven deadlysins of speaking...

AGREE & DISAGREEHi friends. We are Learn how to get better at conversation

CONFUSING PLURAL FORMSSINGULAR PLURAL

abyss abysses

alumnus alumni

analysis analyses

aquarium aquaria

arch arches

atlas atlases

axe axes

baby babies

bacterium bacteria

batch batches

beach beaches

tooth teeth

bus buses

calf calves

son-in-law sons-in-law

SINGULAR PLURAL

cherry cherries

child children

church churches

circus circuses

city cities

scarf scarves

copy copies

crisis crises

curriculum curricula

deer deer

dictionary dictionaries

domino dominoes

dwarf dwarves

echo echoes

SINGULAR PLURAL

emphasis emphases

family families

fish fish

flush flushes

fly flies

foot feet

fungus fungi

half halves

hippopotamus hippopotami

hoax hoaxes

hoof hooves

index indexes

iris irises

knife knives

lady ladies

SINGULAR PLURAL

leaf leaves

life lives

loaf loaves

memorandum memoranda

mess messes

moose moose

mouse mice

nanny nannies

runner-up runners-up

nucleus nuclei

oasis oases

octopus octopi

thesis theses

pass passes

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Photo: GETTY IMAGES

Photo: GETTY IMAGES

Photo: GETTY IMAGES

Photo: GETTY IMAGES

Photo: GETTY IMAGES

Photo: GETTY IMAGES