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By Michael Schwab, 17, Staff Writer

When you watch someone cheat on yourfriend, a certain feeling comes over you. Youget angry and you feel like you should be agood friend and tell him or herwhat’s happening. Ignore thisfeeling. There is too muchthat you don’t know.

Consider this: You go to aparty and you know yourfriend isn’t going. You walk in and see your friend’sboyfriend or girlfriend kissingsome guy or girl. Before youreact, there are a few thingsyou should consider.

COUPLES BREAK UP

Is your friend still dating thisguy or girl? For teenagers,the breakup thing happenspretty quickly. Nowadays,couples can break up whiletext messaging. If they havebroken up, not only are youreminding your friend aboutsomeone he or she probablywants to forget about, youare also telling your friendthat his or her ex-boyfriendor ex-girlfriend is alreadyover it. If someone had justbroken up with me, the last thing I wouldwant to hear about is who the person is getting with. So before you turn into super-friend and save your peer from imminentheartbreak, be sure that your friend is evenstill dating the person.

SHOULD YOU TELL AFRIEND IF HE OR SHE IS BEING CHEATED ON?

YOUR FRIEND BLAMES YOU

Picture this: You tell your friend that he isbeing cheated on. He goes to confront theoffender and the offender denies the wholething ever happened. What if your friendbelieves the offending boyfriend or girlfriend?This puts you in a bad place. Your friend

might get the idea that you are interested inhis boyfriend or girlfriend. This could ruin your friendship.

If you really want to be helpful, your best betis to confront the cheater. Make it clear to

the cheater that he or she is caught. Tell thecheater that if he or she really cares aboutyour friend, then he or she should admit thecheating to your friend. Who knows? Youcould jump start a reconciliation betweenthe two, which is way more helpful thanbreaking them up.

IT’S NOT REALLYYOUR PLACE TO TELL

Life is full of experiences.Being cheated on unfortunatelymight be one of them. Maybeyour friend was doing some-thing wrong in the relationship(i.e., not giving enough attentionto the cheater.) If this is thecase, which it may be, telling onthe cheater won’t really helpthe friend. It will make thecheater seem like the bad guyor girl. The most natural feelingis that the cheater is the realwrongdoer. But there is achance that the cheating is justthe result of some other issue inthe relationship that needs tobe dealt with.

I know being cheated on sucks. I also know that it is hard not totell a person you care about thescoop, especially if it is a veryclose friend of yours. It is hard notto tell the cheater off and makea scene out of it. But if you

think about the big picture, being “OfficerFriend” isn’t really something that will help.But if you must tell your friend that he orshe is being deceived, make sure you letyour friend know that you are there for himor her and there are other fishes in the sea.

10 sexetc.org

PERSPECTIVES: red light, green light

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NEWLOVERBy Taryn Dexter, 17, Contributor

My friend Don was dating this girl for aboutfour months. He thought he was in love.

One weekend, I went to the mall with myfriend Jess, and we saw Don’s girlfriendthere with another guy. They were sitting veryclose together on a bench near the foodcourt. He had his arm around her, and shewas leaning up against him. Of course, Ijumped to conclusions. Jess told me not to.We kept walking, but I kept my suspicions.

The following weekend, Jess and I were atthe city pool. We saw Don’s girlfriend againall over the same guy we saw her with at themall! She was kissing him, hugging him. Thisreally go to me. I lost it. Jess and I startedarguing over whether or not we should tellDon what we saw.

TRUTH LEADS TO ANGER

I opted for yes and told Don. He broke downand cried and then got angry with me. Icouldn’t believe it. He was angry with me?!?!It wasn’t even my fault. Then he confronted

his girlfriend and found out the truth: She wascheating on him. In the end, he was grateful Itold him.

TELLING: A WEIGHT OFF YOUR SHOULDERS

Yes, you should tell a friend if he or she isbeing cheated on. It will hurt him or her a lotless to find out from you and to find out beforethe relationship gets deeper. Think of it thisway: Would you want your friend to tell you ifyour boyfriend or girlfriend was cheating onyou? And besides, you wouldn’t want to hidesomething like this from a friend.

Once you find out your friend is being cheatedon it will haunt you until you tell him or her.When you finally tell him or her, it’s a weightoff your shoulders. If you never tell yourfriend, when he or she finally finds out andrealize you knew all along, it could ruin afriendship. You don’t want to see your friendget hurt. So, if you find out someone ischeating on a friend, tell him or her!

Jacob, 14, Pennsylvania

I would tell them. They don’tdeserve to be cheated on. They maytake it hard or blame me for somereason or another. But I would sayit’s the humane thing to do.

Don, 14, U.S. Virgin Islands

I think it depends on the person. If you think he or she would get mad at you or blame you, don’t tell. Youwill get yourself in way too deep.

If you think the person would like for you to tell, then I would as soon as possible. But make sureyou do it the right way. Don’t justblurt it out. Do it real nice and make sure they know you’re trying to help out!!!

Eve, 16, Kentucky

I would tell them. I know what itfeels like to be cheated on whenyour friends know about it and don’ttell you. It’s crappy. A true friend willalways tell, even if it is going to hurtthe person. It will end up helpingthe person in the long run.

Cameron, 19, California

Of course you should. You’re herfriend. She needs to know the truth.Who else better to tell her thansomeone she knows—who’s got herback. But make sure it’s true beforeyou tell her.

BUSTED!

11Why Wonder?

STREETTALK

YES

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