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Website hits to date are …….

The Four-Way Test Of the things we think, say or do;

1. Is it the TRUTH?

2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?

3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?

4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

By email to all members of Swindon Phoenix Rotary Club, Foothill Highlands Rotary Club, Tappahannock

Rotary Club and other selected Rotary Club Members. The comments expressed in this newsletter, if not credited to

someone else, are the thoughts & opinions of the Editor and therefore may not be the opinions of all the members of the

Rotary Club of Swindon Phoenix.

President Rtn,

Paul Parfrey

President Elect

P.P. Peter Collis

PHF Sapphire

President Nominee

Rtn, David Coe

Secretary;

P.P. John Flanagan

Treasurer;

Rtn, Steve Weisinger

The Rotary Club of

Swindon Phoenix District 1100 England

Bulletin (aptly named)

‘’The Birdy’ Issue number 44 Volume number 2 Number 20 of this Rotary Year

Control + click on these hyper links swindonphoenixrotary.org

Previous bulletins can be found thephoenixbulletin.weebly.com

Details of our Santa Run 2012 swindonsanta.org.uk

Editor; Past President Peter Goldsworthy. P.H.F. Sapphire Editor; Past President Peter Goldsworthy. P.H.F. Sapphire Editor; Past President Peter Goldsworthy. P.H.F. Sapphire

Winner of District 1100 Bulletin of the Year in a previous Rotary lifeWinner of District 1100 Bulletin of the Year in a previous Rotary lifeWinner of District 1100 Bulletin of the Year in a previous Rotary life

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Meeting

Jan 9th

2013 the

first of the

Year

Host (as you

see in the

picture) was good time Charlie & Bon Vivur

Rotarian Andy Rohrer himself

(Editors note the Birdy is a tad late of no fault

from Host Andy or the Editor—just to a hard/

software incompatibility issue twixt Apple &

Windows!)

The evening started with the usual ban-ter and barrage of comedic (yet good natured) ribbing toward the Flanagan's. After everyone had settled down, albeit a few minutes later then normal, Presi-dent Paul Parfrey kicked off the even-ing. Before the meeting started Presi-dent Paul unveiled the new V. 2 lectern crafted by PP Kevin Brown - complete with inbuilt flag holder for both the club and visitors flag - see picture. There was talk at the head table that there maybe a mark 3 version complete with badge drawer - details to follow from Kevin Brown! The host for the evening was the vener-able Andy Rohrer (not Roher as per my new name badge) who was asked to say grace: We thank you God for Jesus divine he turned the water into wine, we thank you too for these good men about to turn it back again !Amen! Up next; the food! As has become the fashion since our change of venue the food was excellent, consisting of chicken liver parfait as starters then Roast Chicken, roast pota-toes, carrots, beans and a chicken jus- mains We were happy to welcome 3 visitors to the evenings events, a well known face

PP Kevin Brown does it again! Here is the newly modified Bell/

lectern again designed and made by Kevin, surely we will be

the envy of all visiting Rotarians when they spy what must be

not only the best clanger in Rotary—but also the most useful

as it incorporates the Lectern, the Bell and the ‘flag pole’ to

raise our banner too. THANK YOU Kevin! Once again Swindon

Phoenix leads the way! (just look at our happy President too!)

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by now in the shape of Chris Simms (is he still not a member?) and two new prospects: Saman-tha Cornell & Mark Taylor. Participation was strong with them all night, and their previous expe-rience in fund raising showed through by the valid points they made on several occasions... possible future Pheonixians we hope!! Nigel gave us a quick update from club 1000 which forms a separate part of the Birdy - though it would be noteworthy to mention that all of last months proceeds are to be sent to Cov-ingham Park Junior school (a dear part of this authors herit-age) in order for them to purchase an interactive whiteboard: Cheque to be presented by Elliott Causton. Up next was the always hilarious holiday gift sec-tion: A number of Rotarians had been away over the holiday peri-od and a selection of fine gifts were bought back (minus the Flanagan’s of course!) John Flanagan - Paris Disneyland with the family: Hamper of body care products (think hotel supplied shampoo & moisturiser) Lee Flanagan - sticking with the hair care theme..- shampoo & conditioner from disney land. This later turned out to be simply 2 bot-tles of shampoo with Mickeys face on it. David Coe - Bruges - Bought back a huge (according to his hand gesture) box of chocolates with a sell by date leading well into the fol-lowing year. thoughtful as ever! Up next was Andy Gleed, he bought in a packet of 3 biscuits. Bizarrely, these looked suspiciously like the ones provid-ed by the hotel during our break period.. most curious! In an even more suspicious turn of events, John Fisher, who was sat next to the previous perpetrator, seemed to offer the same product of hotel bis-cuits? Although you may have questioned it at the time, and indeed probably still are, you must re-

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member these are Rotarians and uphold utmost honour and honesty, so when they say the biscuits came from their re-spective holiday destinations, one must take their word as gospel!! Mr Rohrer (me!) - having come back from a few weeks in Florida, I presented what can only be described as a dream in a packet that took the form of 2 Hershey’s party bag chocolate selections! These will perform excellent-ly in the raffle me thinks.. On to the main event of the evening: The Swindon Phoenix Dragon Boat Race Andy (me) did a quick overview of the website - introducing the general con-tent. Of course, this was superfluous, being that every dedicated Rotarian in the room had already visited the site a great number of times previ-ously. Still, it did benefit the guests for the evening... Next: Up steps Golds with a Power-Point presentation on the work done so far with everything dragon boat. opening with a beautiful view of the lustrous div-ing board Golds went on to talk about the posters, charities involved, notes from PP Mike Slipper’s meeting at Abing-don Vesper drag-on boat race, the layout of Coate water and the route the boats were to take dur-

ing the race. It was also agreed after a proposal that (courtesy of deals done by PP John Fisher & PP John Flana-gan) that Arkell’s Brewery to-

gether with the Sun Inn would provide alcohol for the day and give the club 10% of takings, and the Sun Inn would provide the BBQ with 20% of takings being returned. Proposed by J.F, se-conded by P.E & IPP Dave Coe and voted unanimously by the club! Good show! A long conversation proceeded to fol-low about corporate sponsorship and the packages that were to be made available to the bigger sponsors for the event. It was decided that Char-lotte Causton Darren Crannis, Mike and John Fisher were to see where they could get over the next couple of weeks and report back to the club with their fundraising progress. The meet-ing then turned to AOB and the follow-ing announcements were made: Skit-tles tomorrow night 10th - Andy Gleed announces team - sounds like the dream team! Good luck to em! District Conference - ADG Tony Horn - de-tails of District Conference on the website - speakers inc David Hemple-man-Adams!! A great evening is antici-pated. Next week IPP David Coe to be in the chair (stop press news is that Presi-

dent Paul will now be in charge Golds!)

As Mark Veveers is away, Lee Flana-gan will be host on the 16th The evening was brought to a close around what felt like 3am but was in fact only 10:28. Great evening had by all amid lots of anticipation about the upcoming Drag-on Boat Race! A Fantastic start to Swindon Phoenix Rotary 2013 year!

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A bit of advanced warning!

Mark these dates

Fri 1st March 2013 - Sun 3rd March 2013

District 1100 Annual Conference Torquay

5-8th April Phoenix Weekend in Ireland organisers President Paul & Lynn Parfrey 20th April Know your Blood Pressure Day Brunel Shopping Centre Saturday 15th June 2013 is the date for the Presi-dent's end of year bash. Sunday 30th June THE Dragon Boat Race at Coate Water Country Park. This list is by no means all that is planned keep checking both the Birdy and the Website for up-dates.

Wednesday 3rd July Handover

Members are requested to promote the Dragon Boat Race everywhere possible, including adding de-tails as part of their signatures on emails if at all pos-sible—there has been more good news since the meeting but I leave President Paul to announce it next week BYEEEEEEEEEE for now Golds!

Hi All

I just wanted to let you all know that ‘Ella’ our spon-sored Guide Dog in conjunction with Eldene Primary School has finished her training at the Main Guide Dog Training Centre and passed with flying colours, She has now been placed with a Blind/Partially sight-ed person in the St Albans area and will I am sure give that person a better quality of life for the next few years acting as the eyes for that individual.

Again can I thank all the club for their support and in particular Eldene Primary School for their efforts in making this possible. I have emailed Heather at the school with this information.

Also ‘Rory’ is now in attendance at the Training school having moved there in December 2012 and is doing really well and is expected to make the grade in the next few months. Also our fourth dog ‘Jodi’ was born on the 13th December 2012 and will be placed with Rachel the puppy walker who will now have trained three of our Rotary Guide Dogs Pup-pies. It is hoped Jodi’ will be with Rachel at the end of January and obviously we as a club will be able to see her progression over the next twelve months.

Again many thanks to everyone for their continued support to the Guide Dog movement.

Regards

John

Rotarian John Fisher PP

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Welcome to this months Club 1000 news bulletin

‘Together we can make a difference’

The Swindon Phoenix Rotary Club monthly draw to raise funds for charitable causes which

are nominated by members of the club 1000, anyone can join......

Winning numbers drawn for December 2012

14

46

37

Owners of the winning num-

bers:

Ewen Harris

Mr Kim Gulliver

Mr G L Gulliver

Winning numbers each received £76.50 and their chosen charitable causes (once approved

by the Swindon Phoenix Rotary Club) will each receive £93.50

Owner of winning number 14 chosen charitable cause this month is Covingham Park Pri-

mary School. Ewen Harris has also donated his personal winnings to Covingham Park Pri-

mary School.

Owner of winning number 46 chosen charitable cause this month is Covingham Park Pri-

mary School.

Owner of winning number 37 chosen charitable cause this month is Covingham Park Pri-

mary School.

So far Club 1000 has paid out £1152.00 to winning members with a further total of

£1852.98 going to members chosen charitable causes, including members donating

their personal winning prize money to The Rotary Club of Swindon Phoenix Charity account.

None of Club 1000 funds go towards the Swindon Phoenix Rotary Club charities unless re-

quested by the winning number holders, all money raised from Club 1000 for that month goes to the three winning numbers and their chosen charitable causes.

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From Chris Durie in OZ

Three Aussies blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel,

Coot and Bluey. As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tow-er and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife. Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer. Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?' 'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies. 'That's un-believable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?' 'Well, not exact-ly', Mongrel says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow." She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'

Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff.

Please BE WARNED! (this could happen here!)

Over the last month I have become a victim of a

clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shop-

ping. Simply dropping into Mercadona super-

market for a bit of shopping turned out to be

quite an experience.

Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen

to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking voluptuous 20-21

year-old girls come over to your car as you are

packing your shopping into the boot. They both

start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts al-

most falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

When you thank them and offer them a tip,

they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to

another supermarket, in my case, Supersol.

You agree and they both get in the back seat. On

the way, they start undressing, until both are

completely naked. Then, when you pull over to

remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the

front seat and starts crawling all over your lap,

kissing you, touching you intimately, and thrust-

ing herself against you, while the other one steals

your wallet!

Jokes

‘on the w

ing’

I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th,10th, twice

on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. On Novem-

ber 1st, 4th, 6th, 10th and 13th and twice yesterday.

So please warn all the older men you know to be on

the lookout for this scam.

The best times seem to be just before lunch and

about 4:30 in the afternoon.

P.S. Aldi have cheap wallets on sale for £1.99 each

but Lidl wallets are £1.75 and look better.

I thought I knew all the scams coming from The

East End but sadly I got caught out! Thanks to Craig B for this one

I was in a bar last Saturday night hav-

ing a few brews and noticed two very

large women by the bar.

They both had pretty strong accents,

so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies

from Ireland?"

One of them chirped saying, "It's

WALES, you idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said,

"I'm sorry. Are you two whales from

Ireland?"

That’s all I remember.

Thanks Billy Croxton for this and this

one too

A white haired man from Sherman Oaks in Cali-fornia , walked into a jewellery store in a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.

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He told the jeweller he was looking for a spe-cial ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' At that statement, the jeweler went to his spe-cial stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweller said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Mon-day to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring

Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said, 'There was only

$25 in your account.' 'I know, said the old man, 'But let me tell you,

I had a GREAT WEEKEND!'

REMEMBER... Not All Seniors Are Senile..

Habib begs just as long as Hassan but only collects $8 to $12 a day. Hassan brings home his case FULL of $10 notes,

drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib says to Hassan, 'I work just as long and hard as

Rotary International Theme 2012/13

That’s all Folks !- but remember, we are t he Rotary Club of

the 21st Century

Other Websites Swindon Phoenix supports & recommends to our readers

http://www.stanleystravels.co.uk ………. http://www.swindonepilepsy.org.uk

http://www.rotary-ribi.org/districts/homepage.php?DistrictNo=1100

www.dragonboatswindon.org.uk

you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of

$10 notes every day?' Hassan says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say ?' Habib's sign reads; 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids

to support'. Hassan says, 'No wonder you only get $8 - $12!'

Habib says, 'So what does your sign say ?' Hassan shows Habib his sign . . . It reads: 'I only need another $10 to move back to

Afghanistan.'

Thanks Lillian in Oz

Two Glaswegian boys, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding:- "Ach, its all going magic," says Jock, "Ive got everythin' organised; the floo'ers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rangs, the minister, e'en ma stag night ......." Archie nods approvingly. ....."Hell, I've e'en bought a noo kult to be married 'n." con-tinues Jock. "A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "Thats grand, you'll look pure smart in that. And what's the tart'n?" Archie enquires. "Och" says Jock" i'd imagine she'll be in white" Tony Horn

As I am going to India with the District 1100 Ro-

tary Friendship Exchange this is my last Birdy for

a few weeks so I give you a bonus joke page

overleaf.

Back with you end of February—

Editor signing off — over and out! Golds!

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Miracle In The Alcohol

Aisle

Praise The Lord

And a few more items of interest !!

Thank you

David Dukes Bon Vivur and good

time Charlie for these pictorial

jokes—y’see David, I do give you

credit sometimes!!