Difficult people do exist .

They come in every variety and no workplace is without them. It is important at this stage in this presentation to note that difficult people are not bad people.

While some probably do not know they are being difficult because according to psychologists, 80% of behavior is unconscious others can choose to act in a way that rises above the poor choices they make.

Behaviours are Contagious

Generally, most people tend to ignore difficult behaviors , hoping that they will go away. Unfortunately, if left unattended to, the difficult behavior usually gets worse over time and infects more and more people and in the end may affect the smooth administration of any work place.

PROFILING DIFFICULT PEOPLE.

According to Dr. Rick Brinkman in his book “ Dealing With People You Can’t Stand”, difficult people take up to 10 forms but for the purpose of this lecture, lets look at five categories of difficult people common to our environment:

The tank: confrontational, pointed, always angry. Sniper: Rude comments, attempts to make you look

foolish Grenade: After initial calm, explodes into uncontrolled

ranting and raving Know-it –All: has a low tolerance for correction and

contradiction No Person : Able to defeat big ideas with a single

syllable, Deadly to morale

Profiling difficult People. (Cont.)

While Some talk constantly and never listen, some criticize anything that they did not create, some must always have the last word while for some, they fail to keep commitments.

HOW CAN WE RESPOND TO DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Irrespective of the category in which any difficult person falls, they all have one thing in common. You must address them.

How difficult a person is for you to deal with depends on your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your professional knowledge and courage.

Techniques for managing difficult people

Refuse to play the difficult game: This requires separating the person from the problem and view the difficult behaviour as an opportunity for you to grow or understand. Don’t argue or continue to push people who exhibit difficult behaviour. They will only get worse . Instead, reflect on what may be happening in that persons life . Remember, difficult people are not necessarily bad people; they may be under extreme pressure or experiencing hard times.

Techniques for managing difficult people (Cont.)

Seek to Understand People’s style: We tend to assume that everyone thinks and behaves like we do and if they don’t, we sometimes believe that they are being disagreeable on purpose just to irritate us. Understanding the difficult person reduces your irritation level, makes you feel better, and puts you in a better state to deal with conflict situations when they arise. Get to know the other person’s behavioral style to determine the most effective approach to the situation.

Techniques for managing difficult people (Cont.)

If you are sensitive to the many different ways that people behave and react to you, your thought process for dealing with them will be as various as the different personalities you encounter. This is referred to as Interpersonal intelligence. Interpersonal intelligence describes a person’s ability to distinguish another person’s various moods, feelings, and motivations.

Techniques for managing difficult people (Cont.)

Interpersonal intelligence: High interpersonal intelligence means a person will know how to successfully deal with each individual person they encounter according to their temperament . If you are lacking in this ability, you can improve over time by simply paying more attention to the way people interact. Notice how those people who everyone gets along with handle the various personalities they encounter on an individual basis and try to emulate this behavior.

Techniques for managing difficult people (Cont.)

Employ assertive Listening Totally focus on what the person is saying. Good listening provides you with enough information from the other person. If you’ve listened well, this information may help inform assertive statements.

In assertive listening, you indicate that you are listening by nodding your head, leaning in toward the other person (respecting personal space) and making non committal listening sounds like “ um-hmmmmm” or “ Oh I See”. You may have to repeat , without agreeing, so the person knows you understand his/her concerns.

Techniques for managing difficult people (Cont.)

Call a time outSet a time limit for immersion in a negative situation or with a person who engages in difficult behaviour. Move away from the situation for a while, and come back after time reflection and re-energizing. Take your time, be persistent and don’t criticize.

Techniques for managing difficult people (Cont.)

Affirm the RelationshipSometimes, we experience difficulty when dealing with people who are very close to us. When you have a heated exchange with someone close to you, control your temper, take time to affirm each other , and reinforce the importance of the relationship.

While dealing with difficult people…

I) We must be careful not to resort to withdrawal i.e staying and doing nothing. This is dangerous and not recommended because frustration builds and gets worse overtime.

While dealing with difficult people…

II) We must be careful not Change them by force: bend or break approach: this is aggression. Aggressive behavior is based on winning. It requires that you do what is in your own interest without regards for the rights, needs, feelings or desire of others. This is selfish and immature.

Other tips on dealing with difficult people…

Don’t take Difficult people personally. Sometimes they are equal opportunity annoyers

Don’t try to change them. It usually wont work. You can only change the way you react to them

The system, not you should work at removing difficult people

Don’t let difficult people suck you in or change you. In other words, don’t fight back, or try to retaliate.

Other tips on dealing with difficult people…(Cont.)

Don’t try to appease them. Implore positive assertion by being direct but using the right tone and proper facial expressions.(please note that in effective communication, your facial expression should match what you are saying. Look angry if you are trying to convey anger and look happy if you are trying to convey pleasure.

Treat every encounter with a difficult person as an exercise in self improvement

In essence, by changing the way you deal with people they will automatically learn new ways to deal with you. This is a win-win approach

Thank You