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Page 1: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives

Page 2: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Let’s Start the Day Right!2 Simple Secrets to Wellness

Page 3: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

The magic of smile

Page 4: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Forever Young! Competence Booster! Stress Buster! Life Span Benefit! Secret to loosing weight!

BENEFITS OF SMILE

Page 5: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

The magic of smile

British researchers found that one smile can generate the same level of brain stimulation as up to 2,000 bars of chocolate!

And if that's not enough, smiling can actually make you look good in the eyes of others. A recent study at Penn State University found that when you smile, you don't only appear to be more likable and courteous, but you actually appear to be more competent.

Page 6: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change
Page 7: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

2nd Secret(What You Feed Your Mind)

The quality of your entire day depends on how you start it!

What you feed your mind first thing in the morning is critical!

Page 8: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

DIFFICULT

Definition: hard to do, hard to deal with, hard to carry out, hard to make out 

(Merriam Webster)

Page 9: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Is DIFFICULTY 

real or 

imaginary?

Page 10: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

When something or 

someoneis “difficult” 

what do you experience?

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Page 11: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

PONDERABLE

Conflicts have value.

Page 12: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Difficulty in a positive perspective

Page 13: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

All behaviors have their own usefulness.

Page 14: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Differences challenge status quoand 

provide a platform for change.

Page 15: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Conflicts form the bridge betweenstability and change.

Page 16: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Conflicts serve as feedback.

Page 17: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Conflicts form the basis of creativity and innovation .

Page 18: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Conflicts clear up assumptionsand build stronger relationships

Page 19: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Differences mean you are in the flow of life – a participant, not an observer.

Page 20: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Disturbances & differences are essential for self growth

Page 21: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

ChallengeTry looking at DIFFICULTY on a POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE!

Perhaps these difficult people wanted you to GROW, LIVE ADVENTUROUSLY, FACE LIFE BOLDLY  and LOVE 

UNCONDITIONALLY.

Page 22: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Wisdom from Mother Theresa

Page 23: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Wisdom from Mother Theresa

Page 24: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Wisdom from Mother Theresa

Page 25: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

The Psychodynamics of Difficult People

Page 26: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Look & Think Deeper

Page 27: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

ARE YOU A DIFFICULT PERSON?

Before Anything Else…

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1. You have few friends at work2. You have serious low self‐esteem at work3. You feel shunned or ignored at work4. You feel people pull back when you come close5. Your boss tells you that you need help

YES

Page 29: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Types of Difficult People

Cranky Aggressive Sniper Complainer Silent

Page 30: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Cranky People

Some people may be purposefully cranky because it helps them get their own way. 

For others, crankiness is simply a reflection of their own inner turmoil.

Page 31: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Aggressive People

Overly aggressive people expect others to either:  Run away from them React with rage

Page 32: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Subtle Snipers

These people are experts in pot shots and sneak attacks in subtle ways, such as: Humorous put downs Sarcastic tones of voice Disapproving looks Innuendos

Page 33: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Complainers

These are fearful people who have little faith in themselves or others because they believe in a hostile world.

Their constant discouragement and complaining can bring everyone to despair.

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Silent People

They are timid people who, like turtles, retreat into their shells to avoid conflict and responsibility.

They get away with not talking because most people are uncomfortable with silence and are too quick to fill in the gaps.

Page 35: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

How Do We Typically Respond to  Difficult People?

Page 36: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

THE TURTLE

Withdraws into shell to avoid conflicts  Gives up personal goals and relationships  Stays away from conflicting issues and people involved• Attitude : “I’ll withdrawal rather than face the issue”. 

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The Shark  

Overpower others forcing them to accept their resolution.

Goals – important; Relationships – not important Will get what they want…at any price!  Attack :“Attack, overpower, overwhelm and intimidate”! 

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The Teddy Bear 

• Relationships – important; Goals – not much• Conflicts damage relationships  Want to be liked • Attitude : “I’ll let you have your way so you’ll like me.” 

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The Fox  Moderate concern for goals and others  Compromises  Strive for agreement in conflict  Attitude  : “To settle things, I’ll give up this and you give up that.” 

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The Owl 

Values goals and relationships  Collaboration  Conflict improves relationships & eases tension  Important: Everyone is pleased with outcome Attitude : “I’m satisfied once conflict is completely resolved”. 

Page 41: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

2006 NSBA Convention41

Four Choices

These are the difficult people that most people cannot stand working with, talking to, or dealing with.   

You have four options:

Page 42: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

2006 NSBA Convention42

1st Choice

1. Stay and do nothing

Leads to suffering and complaining to someone who can do nothing about it

Can be dangerous because frustration builds and gets worse over time

Complaining to people who can do nothing tends to lower morale

Page 43: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

2006 NSBA Convention43

2nd Choice

2. Vote with your feet

Not all situations are resolvable and some are just not worth resolving

If everything you say makes matters worse, remember, discretion is the better part of valor

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You’re nobody’s victim without your permission.”

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2006 NSBA Convention44

3rd Choice

3.   Change your attitude about them

Learn to:  see them differently, listen to them differently and feel differently around them

Change your attitude to set you free from your reaction to the problem you see in their behavior

Page 45: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

2006 NSBA Convention45

4th Choice

4. Change your behavior

Change the way you deal with people and they will need to learn new ways to deal with you

Once you know what needs to be done and how to do, you will be able to take charge of an unpleasant situation and redirect its result

Page 46: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Don’t #1

Don’t try to beat them at their own game. They have been practicing their skills for a long time, and you are a beginner by comparison.

Don’t fight back.

Page 47: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Don’t #2

You can’t change other people. You can only change your response to 

their behavior. By changing your responses, they may 

decide to change…or they may not. However, youwill feel better.

Don’t try to change the difficult person.

Page 48: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Keep Practicing You will break the difficult person’s ability to interfere with your effectiveness.

You will stand up for yourself in a compassionate and respectful manner.

You will feel more confident.

You will be able to enjoy your workdays.

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2006 NSBA Convention49

Observations About People 

People: Are creatures of habit Behave in certain ways to meet their needs

Observations: How we communicate is a habit When our needs are not met, we react Stronger the need, the stronger the reaction

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50

Lens of Understanding

Everybody responds to different situations predictably during times of challenge, difficulty, or stress.  

People tend to move outside their behavior comfort zone and become either more passive or more aggressive than normal.

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51

Patterns

For a better understanding of a person’s predictable behavior during times of duress, look for patterns of behavior to determine what  people usually focus their attention on in a given situation.

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2006 NSBA Convention52

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2006 NSBA Convention53

Attitude

Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it!

Page 54: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

WaysTurn Bad To Good Life!!!

Page 55: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

The frequent attempt to conceal emotional pain increases theburden. Don’t do this to yourself. Sure, it is easier to say, “My leg isaching” than to say, “My heart is broken,” but that doesn’t mean yourheart needs less self-care then your leg. If fact, the exact opposite istrue.

1. Admit to your emotional pain

Page 56: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Letting go is always the healthiest path forward. It clears out toxicattachments and thoughts from the past. You’ve got to emotionally freeyourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can movebeyond the past and the pain it brings you.

2. Let go of what used to be and no longer is.

Page 57: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

You are a living, breathing human being who is infinitely more complexthan all of your individual problems added up together. And that meansyou’re more powerful than them – you have the ability to change them,and to change the way you feel about them.

3. Detach yourself from your problems.

Page 58: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us. Some of theselessons include: To become stronger. To trust your instincts. Toexpress your love. To forgive. To know when to let go. To try somethingnew, learn something new, and never look back.

4. View challenge as an educational assignment.

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Would you allow someone else to ask you the demoralizingquestions you sometimes ask yourself? I doubt it. So stop andswap them for questions that push you in a positive direction. Forinstance, “What can I do right now to move forward?”

5. Ask yourself more positive questions.

Page 60: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

If you don’t like some part of your life, then it is time to start makingchanges and better choices. Habits that keep us stuck in life are madein each moment, day by day. Undoing these habits takes the sameexact path. Focus on the small things you can do right now, not the bigthings you can’t.

6. Figure out what works and what doesn’t.

Page 61: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

The brick walls in life are there for a reason. They are not there tokeep you out. They are there to give you a chance to show how badlyyou want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop thepeople who don’t want it as badly as you do. They are there to stopthe other people.

7. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Page 62: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

Don’t see the difficulties in today’s opportunities, see the opportunitiesin today’s difficulties. And remember that there is always a reason tocelebrate. Slowing down long enough to celebrate the small victoriescreates momentum and inspiration to keep on keepin’ on.

8. Keep calm and focus on the positive.

Page 63: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

No matter what sort of difficulties is, if you lose your hope, that’s yourreal tragedy. So remember, a loss, a worry, an illness, a dream crushed– no matter how deep your hurt or how high your aspirations, doyourself a favor and pause at least once a day, place your hands overyour heart and say aloud, “Hope lives here.”

9. Consciously nurture your inner hope.

Page 64: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

You are not alone. No matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feelabout your own situation, there are others out there experiencingthe same emotions. When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” itis your mind trying to sell you a lie.

10. Remind yourself that you are not alone.

Page 65: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds andexperiences. Whether someone thinks or believes you’re terrible ismore about them. It’s far more productive and healthy to let go ofother people’s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with yourown intuition and wisdom as your guide.

11. Pay less attention to people’s opinions of you.

Page 66: Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives · Managing Difficult People: ... DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change

As time passes, nobody stays the same, but some people will still tellyou that you have changed. Respond to them by saying, “Of course I’vechanged. That’s what life is all about. I’m still the same human being,just a little stronger now than I ever was before.”

12. Embrace the new, stronger version of YOU

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Strength doesn’t come from comfort; it comes from stretching your comfort zone and overcoming all the things you once thought you couldn’t handle. The strongest people are the ones who feel pain, accept

it, learn from it, and fight through it.

DIOS MABALOS!


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