denise f. quirk, m.a. red hawk counseling, reno, nv. (775 ...€¦ · red hawk counseling, reno,...
TRANSCRIPT
“The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, Freeing Yourself From Destructive Thoughts and Emotions” by Christopher K. Germer, PhD, 2009
“Goodnight Mind: Turn Off Your Noisy Thoughts & Get A Good Night’s Sleep,” by Colleen E. Carney, PhD, and Rachel Manber, PhD, 2013
“Serenity Through Meditation,” Sue Neufeld-Ellis, LMHC, CSAT, RN, 2006 www.quantumhealing.us
“Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention for Addictive Behaviors: A Clinician’s Guide,” by Sara Bowen, Neha Chawla, G. Alan Marlatt, 2010
Body check: any discomfort, positives?Thought check: preoccupations, joy?Spiritual check: darkness, light?
Buddhist psychological analysis regards qualities like loving-kindness as the direct antidote to fear.
Loving-kindness and compassion, in contrast to fear, reaffirm the healing power of connection, the expansiveness of a sense of possibility, the efficacy of kindness as a catalyst for learning.
(Sharon Salzberg, Insight Meditation Society, Barre, Massachusetts)
Instead of greeting difficult emotions by fighting hard against them, we can bear witness to our own pain and respond with kindness and understanding.
That’s self-compassion: taking care of ourselves just as we’d treat someone we love dearly.
(Germer, p. 2)
A client dedicated to accepting her anxiety will notice her anxiety decreasing.
Measure therapy not by how often she became anxious, rather by how accepting she is of her anxiety.
This client, upon noticing fear, would say to herself, “just scared, just scared.”
The anxious client, 2 years later:Relapses reliably occurred when she
tried not to blush, but she hardly blushed at all when she was ready to let the blushing (her sign of anxiety) take its course.
As she made her peace with blushing, the client found she could apply the same principles to other stress symptoms, and her life became easier.
Acceptance is not saying, “I’m practicing acceptance in order to reduce anxiety.”
First, we must fully experience our emotional problems, whatever they may be. (Most of us want to skip that part.)
Mindfulness self-compassion is about turning toward our emotional pain.
The more we wish our lives were different, the worse we feel.
Difficulties happen, and as we learn to adapt, we typically return to a former level of happiness.
The problem with avoiding pain is it’s just not possible to do so: and it often gets worse with our increased avoidance.
Being on a proverbial treadmill trying to increase pleasure to alleviate pain means the pleasure will end at some point and we’ll become disappointed.
Addicts become hostages to short-term states of mind: pleasure and pain.
We can change our relationship to pain and pleasure.
We can step back and learn to be calm in the midst of pain.
We can let pleasure naturally come and go.
That’s serenity.
We can learn to embrace pain as well as pleasure, and every nuance in between, thereby living each moment to the fullest.
That’s joy.Learning how to spend some time with
pain is essential to achieving personal happiness: in order to be happy, we must embrace unhappiness.
Andrew Christensen and Neil Jacobson developed “Integrative Couple Therapy.”
Using behavior therapy, they address problems that can be changed and acceptance for problems that can’t change.
Embracing problems = path to intimacyRelinquishing the need to change one’s
partner.
Pain x Resistance = Suffering
Suffering is what results when we resist pain.
As our resistance to pain is reduced to zero, so is our suffering.
Pain x Zero = ZeroPain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
Big difference between “counting your breaths” and “counting your breaths to fall asleep.”
Your relationship to sleeplessness has to shift: Once you begin to truly accept not sleeping, your body will finally get a chance to rest.
Sort of like exposure therapy, actually going through shuddering while speaking in public, not just imagining it, gives one the experience of life going on if one is a dud of a public speaker.
A.A. followers say, “So what. Now what?”
Teaching oneself the knowledge and skills to face suffering from a position of strength.
Learn to use your intuition to distinguish between safety and discomfort.
Feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unsafe.
It’s important to know the difference to live life fully.
Aren’t antidepressants just forms of avoidance, delaying or burying emotional challenges?
Perhaps in some cases. Generally, our problems are unworkable when we’re overwhelmed with fear, sadness, or disorganized thinking.
Rx can bring emotional suffering to a manageable level.
Defenses (denial, projection, splitting) are essential for a balanced emotional life, so we don’t want to strip them away.
Some transitory emotional pain does go away if we block it out of our minds.
We don’t want our defenses to control us or complicate our lives.
Seeking pleasure and avoiding pain can be good: if you don’t pursue what you like, how can you ever be happy?
Who else will satisfy your needs for you if you don’t even know what makes you happy?
Choosing longer-term pleasures becomes a work in progress: health, enrichment, generosity, service.
1. Aversion (resistance, avoidance, rumination)
2. Curiosity (turning toward discomfort with interest)
3. Tolerance (safely enduring)4. Allowing (letting feelings come and
go)5. Friendship (embracing, seeing hidden
value)
Self-compassion is a form of acceptance.Acceptance = what’s happening to us.Self-Compassion = acceptance of the
person to whom it’s happening.
Both come easier after the gift of desperation (AA slogan), where we give up the struggle to feel better.
Self-compassion is distinctly nonintellectual and noneffortful.
If we find ourselves in the middle of suffering and acknowledge the depth of our struggle, the heart begins to soften automatically.
We can stop trying to feel better and start caring for ourselves because we’re suffering.
When we offer genuine compassion, we join a person in his suffering.
We abandon our fear of suffering or our resistance to it, and a natural feeling of love and kindness flows toward the suffering individual.
It is the complete abandonment of the inclination to resist emotional suffering.
It’s the full acceptance of the person, of the pain, and of our own reactions to the pain.
Waiting on yourself. (5 minutes)(page 35, The Mindful Path to Self-
Compassion)
Beginning With: Dailies Who Am I Gratitude Needs Prayer and Meditation Preparation For The Day Water, Vitamins, Oils Exercise Dressing For Success Music/Audio Book
Consider Aromatherapy I use doTERRA for their products’ purity, reliability,
sustainability , Healing Hands charitable giving, co-impact sourcing, and the company’s cause
Educate yourself and your clients about natural methods of self-care for individuals, families, pets, workplace environments
Essential oils are like “clean foods:” nothing added, nothing taken away, so all the compounds are intact. Plants use them to protect and help heal themselves.
3 Ways to Use DoTERRAEssential Oils
1. Aromatically: by inhaling 1 – 2 drops from your cupped hands or diffusing with a cold-water diffuser
2. Topically: applying 1 – 2 drops “neat” (dropped from the bottle directly on skin) or with a carrier oil like coconut oil, massaged into skin
3. Internally: 1 -2 drops in a glass of water, or dropped directly on the tongue, or placed in a capsule and swallowed.
(Some oils feel “hot,” and can be diluted with coconut or other carrier oils such as olive oil or jojoba oil.)
Mydoterra.com/dodq2 Order them yourself online “Wellness Advocates” receive wholesale prices First order has a $35 annual fee to receive wholesale
membership (like joining Costco) Benefits for joining include a learning library and
support team of experts I do receive a commission, thank you This is not required. It is recommended: I use them
myself and put them on my family, liberally!
Aromatherapy Kick Starters Share Your “One Daily Need” while you…. Choose an Essential Oil : - Sore? Try Deep Blue blend (back of neck, joints) - Tense? Try Serenity, Holiday Joy or Lavender (inhale) - Tired? Try Wild Orange or Peppermint (inhale or a drop
on tongue) or Balance (inhale or rub on wrists) - Phlegmy? Try Lemon or On Guard (1 drop on tongue) - Stuffy? Try Breathe (inhale or a drop on throat/chest) - Slow? Try Slim and Sassy (rub on belly) - Unfocused? Try In Tune Blend (inhale; rub on wrists)
Observations Clients who take essential oils with them as a balm,
assurance, change of aroma, support or other helpful purpose report they increase their confidence and feelings of support.
Clients who regularly use nutritional supplements, protein shakes and other whole foods report they have natural boosts to their functioning early in the day or during slump times and fewer reported drops like they used to have when relying on caffeine.
First Aid Kit Identify what you use for a lift, a bandaid, pick-me-up,
consoling, strengthening, and to help cope with strong emotions.
Develop your own First Aid Kit to carry at all times, plus help your clients create theirs.
Screening for Overreacting
X -> M / 0 / A / R / O-R/ C X = Situation M =Pause, Reflect, Meditate And Be Mindful Zero = Doing Nothing Is An Option Action = Choosing To Act In A Healthy Way Reaction = Becoming Ugly Over-Reaction = Lost Control Chaos = Also Known As The Cycle Of Drama
Handouts= Mindfulness Strategies;Continuing Care Plan
Read and Review With ClientsUse to Prepare for Discharge and Level
of Care ChangeAssign For Presentation With Group
Before Discharge
AccountabilityWhy It WorksODAT to InfinityRadical Acceptance: Identifying Feelings and Sitting With Them
Four-Part Feeling Statement
1. When________2. I feel _________3. I want ______ and I need ______,4. And I’m willing to do _________.
Why We Close Close The DealClose The DoorClosureClosing The ProcessClosing The Wound
Mission, Vision, Purpose (MVP)Identify emotionsAppropriately express and contain
emotionsCommunicate emotions for the
purpose of better connection
Use Emotion Words
Refer to “The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion” by Germer, Appendix A, Emotion Words, pp. 245 – 253Also found at:www.derose.net/steve/resources/emotionwords/ewords.html
Words MatterBelleruth Naparstek: researcher,
clinician, wise woman with an amazing voice and talent for guided imageryHealth Journeys website
https://www.healthjourneys.com/“Healing Trauma” 30-minute audio
Dailies, Part 3
Who Am I?Who Loves Me? Who Do I Love? Prayer of Thanks The One Thing
Daily Calm
Embracing…Discomfort
Describe Sitting With Discomfort
MBRP
Mindfulness-based relapse prevention is designed as an aftercare program to support maintenance of treatment gains and to foster a sustainable recovery lifestyle.
Research-based with a quest for the “middle way,” or a balance between harmful indulgence and strict renunciation as well as between self-discipline and self-compassion.
(Preface, MBRP, 2011)
Space, by Viktor Frankl(1946)
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”
Mindfulness practices increase awareness of this space and create the opportunity to respond skillfully rather than react automatically and habitually.
More Benefits
A mindful approach can help reduce the tendency of the mind to exacerbate negative emotional states, lowering the stigma, shame, blame, and guilt commonly experienced by people who struggle with addictive behaviors.
From Dr. Marlatt
“The most salient factor that serves to decrease the risk of relapse in an otherwise high-risk situation, and which is at the core of the relapse prevention (RP) model, is access to an alternative coping response.”
Acquiring new ways of coping with stress will strengthen self-efficacy and decrease the probability of relapse.
Disease Models
Disease of the brain Meditation teacher’s definition of addiction =
“Disease of the mind”
Prison study in 1997: Inmates volunteering to take a course in mindfulness meditation and practice daily were significantly less likely to re-offend; 90-day follow-up showed reductions in substance use and improved psychiatric symptoms and optimism.
Group Training Format
Based on success of an 8-week training program for people with chronic depression and chronic pain, MPRP was developed similarly to train addicts to integrate cognitive-behavioral relapse prevention skills with mindfulness practices.
Purpose of these practices = increase awareness of triggers and habitual reactions, to develop a new relationship with those experiences, and to learn concrete skills to use in those high-risk situations.
Explore and Accept
Mindfulness practices encourage exploring and accepting cravings and urges
Instead of giving in to the immediate desire for gratification, mindfulness practice provides an opportunity to observe the cresting of the craving wave without getting “wiped out” by it.
Dictating
“As one client observed, Addiction and Dictation have the same Latin root, ‘to impose or give orders with authority.’ She said, ‘I still think I want to drink a lot when I get depressed, but since I finished the meditation course, I no longer have to be dictated to by my thoughts. I accept them and let them pass.”
(Dr. Marlatt, preface)
Lovingkindness
“Metta,” or lovingkindness, is a core practice in the Theravada tradition of meditation. The practice involves bringing attendtion to a set of phrases intended to cultivate an attitude of friendliness and kindness towards oneself and others…starting with oneself, friends and loved ones, strangers or “neutral” people, those who are challenging, and finally toward all beings.
More on Metta
Self-judgment and self-criticism are pervasive and palpable among addicts: not only do they internalize the judgment and stigma, they have great difficulty forgiving themselves.
Including metta and forgiveness in several of the meditation instructions and a formal metta practice in the final two sessions became imperative for MBRP.
7 Sacred Laws: Chopra
Do try this while driving!
Body Scan
Troubleshooting
https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mindfulness-Meditation-Troubleshooting-Guide.pdf
What about boredom, sleepiness, or restlessness?
Breathe; focus on the “boredom” as if it were an entity inside you; recognize the sensations; acceptance
D E N I S E F . Q U I R K , M . A .R E D H A W K C O U N S E L I N G
( 7 7 5 ) 6 9 1 - 9 7 6 7D Q R P G C @ G M A I L . C O M
Mindfulness, Part 4
Dailies, Part 4
Who Am I? What Is The One Thing For Today? Journaling Miracles and Gratitude
Mindfulness and Strong Emotions
Self-compassion (wanting to feel better) is natural (pp. 84-100, Germer)
Suffering is a fact of the human condition, vs. shame
(Wouldn’t you clean and bandage a wound when injured?)
Kristin Neff: Self-Compassion Expert
Kristin Neff, an expert on Self-Compassion notes:
“We tend to have 3 reactions: self-criticism, self-isolation, and self-absorption.
Self-compassion directs us in the opposite direction: self-kindness, common humanity, and a balanced approach to negative emotions.”
Try the Neff Self-Compassion Scale
Let’s get vulnerable!Fill out the Self-Compassion Scale for
yourselfShare an experience with negative
emotions
Instinct and Protective Factors
Instinct: Fight, Flight, or Freeze Good for physical danger, problematic for the mind Fight becomes Self-Criticism Flight becomes Self-Isolation Freeze becomes Self-Absorption
Scientists recently identified another instinctive response to stress: “tend and befriend”
Natural and nurturing protective response to offspring and seeking social contact linked to oxytocin
Neglected May Take Longer
People neglected, abused in childhood suffered stress in formative years. (Sit with that a moment.)
Learning process for self-compassion may take a while longer to get into their bones.
Some don’t think they deserve to feel good, or haven’t had much practice feeling good.
Many have difficulty experiencing emotional pain in safe doses, because painful emotions “recruit earlier pains.”
However, they are amazingly empathetic!
Innate Desires
Being happy and free from suffering cannot be ignored forever = innate
A measure of happiness and success in being free from suffering is virtually guaranteed, by nature!
Homeostasis
Compassionate Mind Training
Paul Gilbert (UK psychologist) 12-week Compassionate Mind Training (CMT) Helps folks with high shame and self-criticism CMT works on assumption self-critical people have
difficulty generating positive feelings through self-soothing, perhaps because they lacked that previously and didn’t feel safe
Neurohormones like oxytocin are activated by social affiliation and care; CMT is researching whether they underlie the soothing effects of CMT
Start Somewhere
What do you do to enhance feelings of well-being?
How do you remove habits that are not in your best interest?
How do you cultivate positive emotions without falling into old habits of resisting pain in the process?
How do we leave our past (mental patterns that only feed suffering) behind?
Five Ways to Self-Compassion
1. Physically 2. Mentally 3. Emotionally 4. Relationally 5. Spiritually
How does this “pie chart” look for you and your clients?
Warm Hands, Warm Heart
Yale study reveals students given experiments involving warming their hands or cooling them, and then asked to consume the reward or give it away, in most cases the warm-handed people were more likely to give the reward away to a friend. (Germer, p. 103)
Warmth is often connected to feeling good.
How do we warm ourselves?
Practice What You’re Already Doing
Naturally: repeat, practice, and increase what works
Schedule it in your calendar
Make it a competition, game, or other accountability reward
Ask for support to maintain your recovery ways
Carry On
Thank you for your self-compassion and lovingkindness!
Let’s do a restorative yoga practice now…and again!
