dead souls and mrs morrys

8/9/2019 Dead Souls and Mrs Morrys

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DEAD SOULS AND MRS MORRYS

A

PLAY

BY

T.J.COLLETT.

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CHARACTERS:

MRS ROSE MORRYS.AGED 43YRS

MR MORRIS MORRYS. AGED 45YR

LAMBERT LOUYS (Deceased)

CAMELIA LYSP (Deceased)

MRS CONSTANCE LYE. AGED 29YRS.

MR LYNDON SMYTH. AGED 32YRS.Deceased characters are only visible to

Mrs Morrys.

LOCATION:

HOUSE IN SEASIDE TOWN.

TIME: 1963.

Act One. Scene One.

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A semi-dark room. A round wooden table centre lower stage with four wooden chairs

all round it. Lower stage right a window with dark-blue curtains drawn back. Upper

stage left a door leading to passageway. Lower stage facing the auditorium a large

windowlooking out to the sea only visible to actors. After a minute, the door upper

stage opens and Morris Morrys enters carrying a heavy green tablecloth and a crystalball. He is wearing old flannel trousers, a white open-necked shirt and an old

waistcoat. He is a thin tall man with thinning hair. He walks slowly downstage to the

table. He stops and looks at the table. He puts the tablecloth and crystal ball on the

table and wipes his hands on his trousers. He then pulls out all the chairs from the

table and places the crystal ball on one of the chairs. He puts the cloth over the table

and fusses about the length of it all the way around it. He then places the crystal ball

in the centre of the table. He stands back and stares at the table. He takes a measuring

tape out of his trouser pocket and measures how central the crystal ball is from the

edge of the table all around. After a few moments when he is satisfied it is central, he

stands back looking at it. He then replaces the chairs around the table again measuring

the chairs and the distance between them. Once he is happy about it, he stands back

and puts away his measuring tape. Then he sits at one of the chairs and puts his hands

over the crystal ball.

Morris: Is there anybody there? (Pause.)Is there anybody there? (Pause.)If

theres anybody there, speak up or forever hold your peace. What a load

of bunkum, twaddle and hogwash. (Pause. Sits back and folds his arms.)Im

waiting. Waiting patiently. Waiting, waiting. Sitting here with my arms

folded waiting. (Pause.)Hell-o! Is there anybody out there? Mother? Are

you out there? (Pause.)Mrs Cryspin are you out there? (Pause.)God forbid

she is. What a load of rubbish this is. What a waste of time. (Door upperstage opens and Rose Morrys enters the room and closes the door softly behindher.)Is there anybody there?

Rose: Yes, Morris, me. What are you doing at the table?

Morris: Nothing, dear. Just putting things neat and tidy in preparation for

your first client.

Rose: Were you talking to yourself, Morris or have you discovered

hidden talents of medium ship? (Walks downstage to the table.)

Morris: Just testing the room for acoustics, dear.

Rose: And?

Morris: And, what?

Rose: And how is it?

Morris: How is what?

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Rose: The acoustics. (Stands looking down at Morris.)

Morris: Oh, yes, fine. Brilliant. Absolutely spot on.

Rose: Good. (Pause. Stares at Morris. Morris rises and places the chair backcarefully.)

Morris: Are the spirits keen today?

Rose: Keen?

Morris: Eager to speak. Enthusiastic about you waking them from their

slumbers to answer questions from tiresome relatives.

Rose: I am not a telephone switchboard operator, Morris. I act as amedium between the two worlds. The spirit world and this one. If the

spirits wish to speak through me they will if they dont then they wont.

Simple as that. (Looks at Morris as he stands there gaping at her.)Well, have you

checked all the equipment? Is it working all right? Is everything in

working order?

Morris: Yes. (Sighs.)Hidden microphone is ready. Tape recorder with

tapping and eerie noises is ready. Flashing lights are ready to turn on

from the switch in the other room etc etc etc. (Sighs.)Why all this, if youcan contact the bloody spirits in the first place? Or are they on strike? Or

cant you contact them at all? Are you really just a fraud out to make

money?

Rose: I have the apparatus just to be on the safe side. If a client wishes to

contact a lost relative and the spirit is being awkward I can at least give

them some hope and comfort by using the equipment.

Morris: Thats fraudulent and deceitful.

Rose: Its being protective and considerate to clients in distress. Would

you have me tell them that their loved one is not talking today because

theyre in a sour mood about the division of their will or theyre enjoying

themselves too much in the spirit world to bother talking to those they left

behind?

Morris: Honesty is the best policy.

Rose: Honesty is cruelty at the best of times. One must be prepared to

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stretch the truth a little. To consider the feelings of the bereaved. To keep

up the good name of Morrys Medium ship Enterprise. To keep a roof

over our heads. To pay our way. To keep you in the custom you think you

deserve.

Morris: Oh, dont bring me into it. I have a problem sleeping at night

now. All this deception is getting me down. My once clear conscience is

now dark and murky like pond water.

Rose: Morris youre being childish now. You have to be sensible about

these things. One doesnt live forever. One has to make ones way the

best way one can. (Morris walks to the edge of the stage and looks out at the

distant sea.)The divide between the two worlds is like a thin piece of cloth

in one way and like a huge chasm on the other. One must be honest withoneself, Morris, if with no one else. (Morris stands staring out with his hands in

his pockets. Rose sits down at the table and gazes at the crystal ball.) Hunting Deer

will help me when he can. Hes always there if Im having difficulties

with a client.

Morris: The mist on the water is thinning.

Rose: Hunting Deer has helped me before when Ive become stuck. He

helped me when Mrs Dimplick wanted to contact her husband and her

husbands spirit was uncooperative. Hunting Deer made suggestions.

Morris: The suns still too weak to make an entrance.

Rose: Mind you, they werent the sort of suggestions I could have placed

to Mrs Dimplick, but none the less, its the thought that counts.

Morris: The beach looks emptier than your mothers head.

Rose: Im sure all will be well today. Its Mr Lyndon Smyth first. Hewishes to make contact with his late mother.

Morris: More fool him. Best left alone. Never stir up a wasps nest if you

can help it. (Pause.)Lyndon Smythththth. Son of the late Mrs Maggie

Smyththth.

Rose: Morris are you feeling all right?

Morris: Yes, dear, just trying out my new teeth.

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Rose: Well off you go, I need to be alone with myself for a while to

contact my spirit friends and Hunting Deer. (Morris sighs and reluctantly goesoff upstage in a solemn mood. He shuts the door with a soft thud. Rose closes her

eyes. Silence.)

End of Scene One.

Act One. Scene Two.

Half an hour later. Same room. Room empty. After a minute two figures appear from

upper stage. Lambert Louys and Camellia Lysp both dead souls are only seen and

heard by Rose and the audience and each other. Lambert is wearing a 1940s grey suit

and is dark haired and youthful-looking. His accent is American. He is the dead soul

of a 1940s G.I. Camelia Lysp is blonde, slim and clothed in a red dress of the 1940s.

She is the dead soul of an English woman of the same time as Lambert. Both walkslowly down stage until they come to the table. Here they stop and look around.

Lambert: Here we are again. The old place doesnt appear to have

changed much, Honey.

Camelia: Even the wallpaper seems the same. And the curtains are

familiar.

Lambert: Nice to be back after twenty-odd years. Remember when we

used to dance in this room?

Camelia: Yes. We had that old gramophone with your Glenn Miller

records playing to all hours.

Lambert: Sure was fun. (Pause.)You fancy a little dance now, Camey? A

little fox trot?

Camelia: You know Ive not danced for so long Im not sure I know how.

Lambert: Sure you do. Once learnt never forgotten. Its like riding a bike.

Camelia: Im not sure I could ride a bicycle, now.

Lambert: Nothing to it. You just let your legs do the dancing. Nothing to

it, I tell you. (Music begins. Glenn Millers In the mood. Both of them hold handsand begin dancing around the room to the music. They are engrossed in the dancing as

the door opens and Rose enters with Lyndon Smyth. Rose frowns and looks about her

but doesnt at the moment see or hear anything, but something is disturbing her

senses. Lyndon is unaware of anything out of the ordinary. They go to the table. The

other two are still dancing.)

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Rose: Take a chair Mr Smyth, and relax.

Lyndon: Thank you, Mrs Morrys. (They both sit down. Rose in the chair on the

left and Lyndon the chair on the right.) A friend gave me your name.

Rose: Oh, I see. (Looks around the room as if unsure of her surroundings.)Can

you hear anything, Mr Smyth?

Lyndon: Call me Lyndon, please. Mr Smyth sounds so formal. (He listens,but hears nothing. Rose frowns and stares around the room. Lambert and Camelia still

dance around the room enjoying themselves. The music softens and after a few

moments fades.)I hear nothing, Mrs Morrys. Not a sound.

Rose: Im sure I heard something. (Lambert and Camelia stop near the table andlook at the couple at the table.)

Lyndon: What did you hear?

Camelia: Who are they?

Rose: Music. I thought I heard music.

Lambert: Thats Rose Morrys. The local medium.

Lyndon: Music? Why would you hear music?

Camelia: Not the Rose Morrys?

Rose: Ive no idea why I should hear music. Most unusual.

Lambert: Yes, the very same.

Lyndon: Well, I cant hear music. Nothing in fact except us talking.

Camelia: Not very good at it is she if she cant see or hear us.

Lambert: Shes not trying. If she focussed her energies she would, Im

sure.

Rose: Im sure I heard it. Dance music.

Lyndon: Dance music?

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Lambert: The dames caught hold of something though. Says she heard

the music.

Camelia: But not seen us obviously. Were standing here and she cant

see us. (Camelia waves her hand in front of Rose, but gets no response.)Blind asthe proverbial bat.

Rose: There. I heard a voice.

Lyndon: A voice? It was me. I just spoke.

Rose: No, not you. A different voice. A womans voice.

Lyndon: Is it my Mother trying to get through to me?

Lambert: You arent this guys mother are you, Camelia?

Camelia: No, perish the thought. Anyway, I never had chance to have

children. Being killed in my sisters bombed out house rather left me out

of the running for that sort of thing.

Rose: No, no. Ive not summoned anyone yet. Strange. Really strange.

Lambert: Shes sensing us. Her sixth sense is waking up. Shes warmingup slowly.

Camelia: Can she see us?

Lambert: Not yet. But I dare say she will soon.

Rose: Quiet!

Lyndon: Ive not said a word.

Rose: Not you. Others. (Rose looks around the room.)Were not alone.

Lyndon: Others? Not alone? (Lyndon looks around him nervously.)What

others?

Lambert: Who is this guy?

Camelia: Obviously a pestering relative looking to for his mummy.

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Rose: There it is again.

Lyndon: What? (Stands up and moves away from the table.)More voices?

Rose: Sit down, Mr Smyth. Youre making me nervous.

Lyndon: Me make you nervous? Im petrified. (Lyndon clutches hold of the

back of the chair.)Perhaps this wasnt a good idea after all. Mother wasnt

one for being disturbed when she was asleep. Shed get in the most awful

mood if she were disturbed. Father would tiptoe round her rather than

wake her.

Rose: Its not your mother, Mr Smyth. Its someone else.

Lyndon: Someone else? Who? I didnt come to talk to anyone else.

Lambert: Not a very friendly guy is he?

Camelia: Bit of a mummys boy obviously.

Rose: Hush Mr Smyth! Im trying to focus my senses.

Lyndon: I do apologise, Mrs Morrys, but I came here to speak with my

mother and not be told to hush by the very medium who was supposed to

help me contact my mother.

Rose: I cant focus if you keep on talking, Mr Smyth.

Camelia: The poor dear.

Lambert: The dames trying to sense us.

Camelia: Not trying hard enough, then, is she.

Rose: There! Again a womans voice.

Lyndon: Are you sure, its not my mother?

Camelia: Shall I pretend to be his mother, Lambert? Put the poor boy out

of his misery?

Lambert (Laughs.)That would be a laugh, Camey, but Im not sure shed

be impressed. Not our Rose Morrys.

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Camelia: But it would be fun, Lambert. Ive not had fun for years and

years.

Lambert: Well, I guess it cant do any harm. Sure, have go, Camey. See

what happens. (Rose frowns. Then closes her eyes.)

Lyndon :( Speaks to the room loudly.) Is it you, Mother? Are you there?

Rose: Will you, hush! (Opens her eyes and stares at Lyndon.)

Lyndon: I wont hush if my mother is trying to contact me. I want to

contact my mother.

Rose: Then, please, Mr Smyth, let me concentrate. (All is quiet. Rose closesher eyes again. Lyndon sits down in his chair again softly. Lambert walks to the

window and stares out. Camelia stands by Rose and sighs.)I hear nothing, now.

Camelia: Hello.

Rose :( Sits up but still has her eyes closed.)Is there anyone there?

Camelia: Hello, Rose.

Rose: Is there anybody out there?

Camelia: Listen, Rose. That young man is trying to contact me.

Rose: I hear a voice.

Lyndon: Who? Is it Mother?

Rose: Hush. Who are you?

Camelia: Im Mrs Smyth.

Rose: Who?

Camelia: Mrs Smyth.

Rose: Mrs Smyth?

Lyndon: Mother?

Camelia: Yes, Mrs Smyth. (Camelia puts her hand over her mouth to prevent

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herself from giggling.) Is my son, Lyndon there?

Rose: Yes, he is.

Lyndon: Mother?

Camelia: Can you ask him why he came? (Camelia struggling not to giggle.)

Rose: Why he came?

Lyndon: It is Mother. Mother? Can you hear me, Mother?

Rose: Hush, Mr Smyth! (Rose opens her eyes and glares at Lyndon. Lyndon

Looks away.)I need silence or I wont hear what your mother is trying to

say.

Lyndon: Mother never has problems making people hear what she has to

say.

Rose: But I need silence. (Rose sighs and closes her eyes.)Now. Mrs Smyth.

What was it you wanted to ask me?

Camelia: Why did my son come to contact me?

Rose: Why?

Camelia: Yes. Why did he come to make contact with me?

Rose :( Talking to Lyndon. Opens her eyes and looks at him with a frown.)Why did

you come?

Lyndon: You know why I came. To make contact with my mother.

Rose: Yes, but why?

Lyndon: Why what?

Rose: Make contact with her. Why did you want to?

Lyndon: Because shes my mother.

Camelia: Oh, dear. If I were his mother, Id disappear to the far regions ofthe Spirit World.

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Rose: Sorry?

Lyndon: Because shes my dearest mother and I wanted to ask her about

a number of things.

Rose: Not you, Mr Smyth, her.

Lyndon: Who? Her?

Rose: Your mother. She asked me a question and Ive missed what she

said.

Lyndon: What did she say?Rose How do I know if you will keep on interrupting me?

Lyndon: Sorry, Mrs Morrys. I just get so anxious.

Camelia: Oh, no, not an anxious son. God protect us from anxious sons.

Lambert: Camey, dear, best not to bring God into this, he may not

appreciate what youre doing.

Camelia: Habit of speech. Cant forget my old ways.

Rose: Your old ways are troubling her.

Lyndon: My old ways? What old ways? (Lyndon sits up nervously.)I havent

any old ways. I have never had old ways.

Rose: Well, thats what she said.

Camelia: What does my son want with me?

Rose: He hasnt said.

Camelia: Well, ask him again.

Rose: What did you want?

Lyndon: What do you mean what do I want? I want to contact my

mother.

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Rose: I know what you want, but why do you want to contact her?

Lyndon: Havent we been down this avenue before? I told you why.

Rose: Why?

Lyndon: Because shes my dear mother and I want to ask her a few

questions.

Rose :( Speaks to Camelia.) Because youre his mother and he wants to ask

you some questions.

Camelia: I see. What questions? (Tries not to giggle.)

Rose: What questions?

Lyndon: Whom are you talking to Mother or me?

Rose: You. You, Mr Smyth.

Lyndon: Oh, I see. Well. Well you see, Mother, since your sad departure

Father and I have not quite seen eye to eye over your tombstone

engraving.

Rose: Tombstone engraving?

Camelia: Oh, God.

Lambert: Camey. Remember what I said about using Gods name too

lightly. His angels keep on telling you about it.

Camelia: Sorry, I forgot.

Rose: Forgot, what?

Lyndon: Tombstone engraving.

Camelia: This is too much.

Rose: She says its too much.

Lyndon: Whats too much?

Rose :( Speaks to Camelia.) Whats too much?

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Camelia: Im not sure this is a good idea after all, Lambert. Its getting a

bit confusing.

Rose: Your Mother says its getting a bit confusing.

Lyndon: Whats a bit confusing? Mother what is confusing?

Camelia: Lambert I need a bit of fresh air.

Lambert: All right, Honey. Lets go off for an hour or so. How about

Hyde Park? Not been there since 1942.

Camelia: Oh, yes. Hyde Park. Here we come.(Both Lambert and Camelia

walk upstage and disappear.)

Rose: Hyde Park?

Lyndon: No. Not Hyde Park. St.Peters Cemetery.

Rose: She mentioned Hyde Park.

Lyndon: Why did she mention Hyde Park?

Rose: I dont know. (Rose sniffs the air and opens her eyes.)Shes gone.

Lyndon: Already? Shes only just come.

Rose: Well, she's gone now.

Lyndon: Why?

Rose: She didnt say goodbye. Just went.

Lyndon: Thats not like Mother. Mother always said goodbye. No matter

what mood she was in, she would always say goodbye.

Rose: Well, she's gone and hasnt said goodbye.

Lyndon: Oh, dear. I hope shes not upset. Mother can be easily upset.

Rose: Best try another time, Mr Smyth. Well make another appointment.

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Lyndon: All right. However, I hope were more successful next time.

Rose: Im sure we will, Mr Smyth. These things happen when contacting

the Spirit world. Sometimes the line is a bit unclear.

Lyndon: Until next time, then.

Rose: Yes. Next Wednesday? Same time?

Lyndon: Fine. Hope Mother comes through.

Rose: Im sure she will. They usually do. (Rose and Lyndon rise and goupstage to the door and go out.)

End of Scene Two.

Act One. Scene Three.

Early afternoon. Same room. After a minute Lambert and Camelia enter upper stage.

They wander downstage to the table and chairs. Lambert pulls out a chair and sits on

it.

Lambert: Hyde Park is not what it was.

Camelia: The grass is not so green.

Lambert: And so many people were wearing such ridiculous clothes.

Camelia: The colours were bright though. Lovely bright colours with

such short skirts.

Lambert :( Says this softly.)Yes, such short skirts. Lovely legs. Shame Im

dead.

Camelia: And what about the men dressed as they were?

Lambert: Such are the times, Honey such are the times. (Pause. Looks at the

crystal ball.)She doesnt actually use this thing does she?

Camellia: Oh, I expect she does. These types are forever using these.

Lambert (Puts his hands over the crystal ball.)I see a tall dark stranger.

Camelia: Do you really?

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Lambert: Sure. Hes seven feet tall, has the colour of coal, and is forever

singing: Mammy, Mammy Id walk a million miles for one of your

smiles my mammy.

Camelia: How droll. You nearly had me smiling, then.

Lambert: This Rose. Whats she up to?

Camelia: Up to?

Lambert: Yes, whats her angle?

Camelia: Angle? Angle?

Lambert: Sure, whats she after?

Camelia: Shes a medium isnt she?

Lambert: Not a good one thats for sure.

Camelia: She doesnt try hard enough. If she were to focus, shed be quite

good I should imagine.

Lambert: Well see just how good she is.

Camelia: What are you up to?

Lambert: Just a little joke. Just a little test.

Camelia: Oh, Lambert, were supposed to be passed all that. Have to

think of higher things.

Lambert: Plenty of time for higher things, Honey. These mediums arebeyond me. Why fake things? Why pretend you can talk to the dead when

you cant?

Camelia: Perhaps she can, but shes too lazy to try hard enough. (Pause.Morris enters through the door followed by a young woman with light brown hair and

a figure that is slim and the eyes the colour of blue ice. They wander downstage to the

table and chairs. Lambert and Camelia look around at them. Lambert rises from the

chair and walks with Camelia to the window.)

Morris: Who moved this chair? (He places the chair back tidily and dusts thechair with his handkerchief. Once this is done, he measures the chair with his tape

measure.)I cant bear sloppiness. My wife is liable to be a little sloppy.

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Constance: Really?

Morris: Oh, not concerning her medium ship. There is stricter than a

demented headmaster with a toothache.

Constance: Headmaster?

Morris: Figure of speech, my dear, figure of speech.

Constance: Whos speech?

Morris: My wifes.

Constance Im confused.

Morris: So is she at times.

Constance: I have come to the right place havent I? Rose Morrys?

Morris: The very one. Rose Morrys best medium in the South. No

contact too small, no palm reading too large. Shes the wonder of the age.

Constance: I want to contact my late fianc. He died you know.

Suddenly.

Morris: Rose will make contact. Shes an old hand at it. She can make

contact with any spirit of the other world.

Constance: I miss him you see. He and I were due to marry. It was all too

sudden.

Morris: I am sorry.

Constance: Will you wife we long?

Morris: Shell be here anytime now. Just getting herself ready.

Constance: Is she in a trance?

Morris: No, the loo, she has a funny tummy.

Constance: Oh, I see. But shell be all right to contact Reggie?

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Morris: Oh, yes, no doubt. Shell contact old Reggie before you can say

mothers drawers are on the line.

Constance: Whos mother?

Morris: Mine probably. (Smiles weakly.) Or someone or other. (Laughsnervously.)

Constance (Stern faced.) Is your mother here?

Morris: No, thank God, shes with Lucifer giving him hell no doubt.(Constance looks at Morris with a sense of unease. Morris stands by the table fiddling

with his waistcoat.)Look, Ill see where she is. You take a seat. (Morris walksupstage and out of the door. Constance sits down and looks around the room.)

Lambert: What a pretty dame. I could lose my heart to her if I had one to

lose. And those legs. That face. Those eyes. Why did I have to die on D-

Day?

Camelia: Youre supposed to reach a higher level after death. Such

worldly thoughts will only drag you downwards.

Lambert: Ive an eternity to think of higher things. Right now, Im

focussing on those legs and those eyes. (They both move towards the table.)If Icould touch her hand, Id be the happiest soul dead.

Camelia: Your guardian angel almost despairs over you. She told me

youd give her grey feathers.

Constance: I do hope she wont be long.

Lambert: The angel speaks.

Camelia: Your angel is a saint.

Lambert: If only I could hold that hand. Smell that hair. Feel her

closeness.

Constance: I wish I could speak to Reggie myself. I hate relying on other

people to do things for me. Why cant we all be mediums?

Camelia: If you hadnt died such a martyrs death, youd be elsewhere

now.

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Lambert: Can you sense her vulnerability?

Camelia: I see only a young woman who wishes to disturb her fiancs

soul from his peace and quiet.

Lambert: Youre jealous. You see only competition and a good-looking

dame causing a stir in me.

Camelia: Some things never change. I thought youd be different after

death, but youre still the same as you were when alive. Have you learnt

nothing being a dead soul?

Lambert: Yes, Honey, I have. No booze, no dames and all the choirs of

angels you can want from dawn to dusk. If there were such things asdawn and dusk where we are.

Camelia: Oh, poor you.

Lambert: Poor me, thats right. Honey. All my mental facilities intact but

no physical ones to match.

Camelia: Whats to moan about? You have no worries, fears, hungers,

thirsts, or strong desires.

Lambert: Speak for yourself, Camey, I have plenty of desires unfulfilled

and screaming out for satisfaction.

Camellia: You want too much. Death is a great liberator.

Lambert: Death stinks.

Camellia: Hush. (Puts her finger to his lips.)Not so loud. You dont want to

be reincarnated do you?

Lambert: Sure, as long as it's not as a woman or a mouse.

Camelia: I thought youd got used to being a dead soul?

Lambert: Everyone has his or her bad days. This is mine. (Constance riseswhen she hears the door upper stage open and Rose enters humming Brahmss

lullaby. She stops and looks around. Constance stands by the table staring at Rose.

Lambert moves next to Constance and sniffs the air. Camelia goes back to the

window and looks out. Silence. Stage fades into darkness.)

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End of Scene Three.

Act One. Scene Four.

Five minutes later. Rose and Constance are sitting at the table. Camelia and Lambert

are by the window.

Rose: And you want to contact your fianc?

Constance: Yes. My dear Reggie.

Rose: When did he pass over?

Constance: Pass over? He didnt pass over, he died.

Rose: Yes my dear Miss Lye, its the same thing. We in the medium

world refer to dying as passing over.

Constance: Oh, I see. Pass over means to die?

Rose: Yes, passing over to the spirit world.

Constance: And that is where my Reggie is?

Rose: Oh yes, Im sure he is. One of the ascended ones.

Constance: Ascended ones? Is that good or bad?

Rose: Oh, good, my dear. Really good.

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Constance: He was a good man, was my Reggie. The life and soul of the

party.

Lambert: The dead and soul of the party, now, no doubt.

Rose: Whos that? (Looks around the room.)Is there anybody there?

Constance: Only me.

Rose: No not you. I heard a voice. (Stares around her slowly.)

Constance: Was it my Reggie?

Rose: Could have been.

Lambert: Reggie who? No Reggie here. Can you see a Reggie, Camelia?

Rose: There it is again.

Camelia: No. Perhaps he ascended too high for Rose to contact.

Lambert: What fun.

Rose: Fun?

Constance: Fun? Is my Reggie having fun?

Camelia: That depends.

Lambert: Hello, Rose.

Rose :( Looks around her, screwing up her eyes.)Are you Reggie?

Constance: Reggie? Are you here Reggie?

Lambert: Oh, yes, Reggie here dead and soul of the party.

Camelia :( Whispers.) Dont Lambert.

Rose: I can hear you, but cant see you.

Lambert: Youre not trying hard enough, Rose.

Rose: He says hes trying hard.

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Constance Trying hard to do what? (Looks intensely at Rose.)

Rose: Hello? Reggie?

Lambert: Hello, Im still here.

Rose: Trying hard to do what?

Lambert: Me, trying hard to do what?

Rose: Yes. What?

Camelia: Lambert youre being naughty now, stop it before someone getshurt.

Rose: Whos that? Another voice. A womans voice.

Lambert: Now youve torn it (Looks at Camelia.)

Rose: Whos that with you, Reggie?

Constance: Whos with my Reggie? Is it his mother, Mabel?

Rose: Is that Mabel with you, Reggie?

Lambert :( Moves away from the window and wanders along the edge of the

stage.)Mabel? Who the hells Mabel?

Rose: Oh, dear.

Constance: What is it?

Lambert: Camelia youve started something now. The poor dears think

youre someone called Mabel.

Rose: Reggie says Mabels in Hell.

Constance: I did used to wonder about her and her funny ways.

Camelia :( Moves along next to Lambert.)What am I to do?

Rose: Reggie?

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Lambert: Yes?

Rose: Whos with you?

Lambert: Camelia Lysp.

Rose: Lisp? Does she?

Constance: Who lisps?

Camelia: This is getting beyond a joke, Lambert.

Rose: A joke?

Constance: Whos joking? Is that my Reggie? He always was a one for

jokes.

Lambert: Oh, yes, (Laughs.) Deaths a bundle of laughs.

Rose: He says something about a bundle of laughs.

Constance: Laughs? He was a one for his jokes. (Laughs uneasily.)However,

dyings no laughing matter when youre the one left behind.

Rose: Oh, but the spirit world, Miss Lye is beyond our understanding.

Things happen there, which we have little knowledge of.

Lambert: And you least of all, Rose.

Camelia: Rose Morrys youre not at your best being a poor medium. Try

harder.

Rose: Try harder, Reggies friend says.

Constance: How dare she say such things! What does Reggie mean by

teaming up with one so rude?

Lambert: She means you, Rose, should try harder.

Rose: Me? What is she to me?

Camelia: A dead soul fed up with second-rate mediums who con

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vulnerable people.

Rose: Vulnerable people? Me?

Constance: Whos talking to whom?

Lambert: Camelia speaks her mind when shes upset, Rose. Nothing

personal. Just the way things are with her.

Camelia: Dont be so patronizing, Lambert.

Constance: Now, Im confused.

Rose: Im being spoken to by two spirits and can see neither.

Lambert: Try harder, Rose.

Camelia: Focus your mind.

Constance: I cant see or hear anything.

Rose: Are you still there?

Constance: Of course I am.

Rose: Not you, Miss Lye, them.

Constance: Them? Is Reggie there still?

Rose: Im not sure.

Lambert (Moves toward the table.) What does Miss Lye want?

Rose: Want? Want?

Constance: Reggie are you here?

Camelia: Go suck a lemon.

Rose: Reggie are you still there?

Lambert: What does Miss Lye want?

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Rose: What do you want?

Constance: Who? Me?

Rose: Yes. Reggie wants to know what you want?

Constance: Want? Want? I want to know how he is?

Rose: She wants to know how you are?

Lambert: Im fine. Never felt better. Full of spirit.

Rose: Full of spirit?

Constance: Is he drunk?

Camelia: Oh, my giddy aunt. What did Reggie see in her?

Rose: Quiet, Camelia.

Constance: Is she still here? With my Reggie?

Rose: I think so.

Lambert: No wonder Reggie never came.

Rose: Reggie says he neverWell never something or other.

Constance: He never what?

Camelia: Kissed her I should imagine.

Rose: Be quiet, Camelia.

Camelia :( Moves towards the table and stands by Lambert.)Dont tell me to be

quiet, Rose Morrys.

Rose :( She sits back in her chair as she sees both of the dead souls before her.)I can

see them. Both of them.

Constance: Where?

Rose: Here. Beside us.

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Constance: Near by?

Rose: Almost touching your shoulder.

Constance (Jumps up and runs downstage towards the edge.)Dont say that. Imscared.

Lambert: So you should be you silly woman.

Rose: Now, now, Reggie. Mustnt be rude to your fiance.

Lambert: Fiance? Her?

Rose: I know death changes people, but you cant have forgotten aboutConstance being your fiance.

Lambert: Cant I?

Constance: Forgotten me? How could he? The swine.

Camelia: Oh, dear, what have you done, Lambert?

Rose: Lambert? Whos Lambert?

Lambert: My best friend. Known him for ages.

Camelia: Best shut up or thatll blow it wide open.

Rose: What are you talking about?

Constance: Ill never try to contact you again, Reggie.

Rose: Wait, Miss Lye, dont be hasty. These things do happen.

Lambert: Tell Constance Im sorry for any mistakes.

Rose: Reggie says hes sorry for any mistakes.

Constance: What mistakes?

Rose: What mistakes?

Lambert: I should have said I miss her.

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Rose: He says he misses you.

Constance: Misses me? Really?

Rose: So he says.

Camelia: Like a hole in the head.

Rose: Camelia! Hush!

Camelia: Dont hush me you fraud!

Rose: Dont you call me a fraud you floozy.

Lambert: Tell Constance shes the best thing that ever happened to me.

Rose: Reggie says youre best thing that ever happened to him.

Camelia: Apart from falling and breaking his neck over Lovers Leap.

Rose: Camelia, if you dont behave Ill curse you to Hell.

Camelia: Go suck lemons you silly woman.

Lambert: Camelia, please Honey, try to keep calm.

Camelia: Tell this mediocre medium to hold her tongue.

Rose: You spineless spirit of a loose woman!

Camelia: You toad-faced harpy!

Constance: Is there a problem?

Lambert: Camelia, Honey, lets go for a walk to cool off. (Takes Cameliashand and rushes with her upstage and out of sight. Rose looks after them.)

Constance: Well?

Rose: Well what?

Constance: Whats happening?

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Rose: Theyve gone.

Constance: Gone? Reggies gone? (Walk back to the table.)Gone where?

Rose: Hes gone back to the spirit world. Taken that floozy with him.

Constance: Floozy? Reggie was with a floozy?

Rose: Thats men for you, Miss Lye, dead or alive.

Constance: Shall I come back another day?

Rose: Yes, it might be best. Let the spirits rest. Let them rest. (Constancenods her head, walks to the table, and sits facing Rose. Stage fades to darkness.)

End of Scene Four. Act One. Scene Five.

Late evening of the same day. A small bedroom. A door upper stage right. A double

bed lower stage left. An old dressing table with stall lower stage right. Lower stage

edge, a window looking out at the sea and evening sky. Rose is sitting at the dressing

table in her white nightdress brushing her hair. Morris is in bed reading a book.

Rose: A hectic day.

Morris: What?

Rose :( Speaks louder.)Hectic day.

Morris: Has it?

Rose: Yes, it has. Not that you would notice. You wouldnt notice if an

elephant charged through the house at full speed.

Morris: Something wrong, dear?

Rose: Oh, no, all is sweet and pleasant as a morning rose, Morris.

Morris: Good. Nice roses.

Rose: Are you listening to me, Morris?

Morris :( Lowers his book and peers over it.)All ears, dear.

Rose: I said its been a hectic day. Things have happened. Spirits havebeen aroused.

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Morris: Not mine thats for sure.

Rose: Souls have appeared to me.

Morris: Really? Is that something new? Arent they supposed to appear to

you? You being a medium and all that?

Rose: And one of them was most rude.

Morris: Rude? Do they have rude spirits? I thought they were supposed to

me pleasant and wise and calm and all that.

Rose: This one was rude.(Brushes her hair harder.)

The damned floozy!Morris: Really? Oh, what a surprised that must have been. Anyone we

know?

Rose: No. Well, not me anyway. Not sure about you.

Morris: Who was she?

Rose: Camelia something or other. A right floozy.

Morris: Sounds interesting.

Rose: She wasnt at all interesting.

Morris: And this Miss Lye, did she know this Camelia Whatshername?

Rose: No. She was with Miss Lyes fianc.

Morris: Oh, so there is life after death after all.

Rose: Sounds very unlikely to be allowed in the Top Place.

Morris: Top Place?

Rose: Heaven. Not likely they came from there thats for sure. Those two

were definitely Purgatory types to me. Cant have that too often. Give me

a bad name.

Morris: You dont really believe all that do you? I mean its just nonsenseisnt it?

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Rose: What do you know of anything? Youre just an earthbound bore.

Nothing goes beyond your interest in horseracing or sea fishing.

Morris: At least thats real. Not a figment of a weird imagination.

Rose: So say you. Mr. Brain-dead of 1963.

Morris: Oh, dear, another sleepless night.

Rose: You can depend upon it.

Morris: I thought so.

Rose (Pause. Puts her brush down. Looks at Morris in the mirror.) Sorry Morris.

Not your fault Ive had a hectic day. Not your fault that Im neurotic.

(Sighs.)I did see two spirits today. As real as you there in bed. As clear as

day. As lively as a two year old. (Pause. Sighs,) Oh, Morris what am I going

to do? Ive never had such spirits before. They really were most strange.

They looked rather odd. Like they didnt belong. That they were

somehow

Morris: Come to bed, Rose and forget the dead souls.

Rose: I cant. They really were here.

Morris: What here in our bedroom?

Rose: No, in my study. Both of them came without my reaching out for

them in my trance.

Morris: Perhaps they were keen.

Rose: He was Reggie and she was Camelia.

Morris: Reggie and Camelia. Sounds romantic.

Rose: I hope not. Miss Lye wouldnt like that.

Morris: Like it or lump it. Whats it to do with her now hes dead?

Rose: Women are like that. They like men to be faithful for all eternity.

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Morris: Not until death us do part?

Rose: Not according to Miss Lye.

Morris: Poor Reggie.

Rose: Poor Miss Lye. (Rises from the dressing table, walks to the edge of the

stage, and peers out at the evening sky and sea.) She wanted to know how he

was and there he was with his bit of floozy on his arm.

Morris: Oh, dear, not very wise. Should have left her elsewhere.

Rose: Now Miss Lye wants me to contact her Reggie again.

Morris: What a glutton for punishment.

Rose: She thinks he will see the error of his ways. (Pause.)What a lovely

moon. The way it sits on the sea like that.

Morris: Full moon?

Rose: New moon.

Morris: Full moon, new moon, whats the difference its all moon?

Rose: It matters to us romantics. It makes all life seem worthwhile.

Morris: Come to bed, Rose. Leave the moon and the sea and cuddle up to

me.

Rose: Poor Miss Lye.

Morris: Lucky old Reggie.

Rose: Damned floozy that Camelia whatshername. Deserves to have her

hair pulled and her face slapped.

Morris: Come on, Rose, give me the benefit of your passion. Dont waste

it on that Miss Whatshername.

Rose :( Walks upstage to the bed and climbs in beside Morris.)I must be firm with

them next time. I cant let them upset Miss Lye. Poor Miss Lye.

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Morris: Never mind Mrs Morrys let Miss Lye rest for another day.

Rose: And I hope that Floozy doesnt come next time. Most unsavoury.

Morris: Cuddle up close, Mrs Morrys and leave those dead souls foranother day.

Rose: Poor Miss Lye. (Sighs.)Naughty Reggie. (Light fades slowly.)Oh, too

to be in Brighton now (Light fades more.)Morris! (Giggles.)Morris! (Light

fades out.)Morris Morrys behave yourself! (Giggles.)Poor Miss Lye. (Giggles.Silence.)

End of Act One and Scene Five.

Act Two. Scene One.

A few days later. Early morning. The room is set out as before except the table is

bare. The curtains are drawn and the room is dimly lit. After a minute or so Lambert

and Camelia enter from upstage and Glenn Miller music starts up. Lambert and

Camelia join hands and dance downstage and around the table. Lambert is dressed as

before and so is Camelia. After a few minutes, the door upper stage opens and Morris

enters carrying a green tablecloth and a crystal ball. The music stops and the dancers

pause. Morris walks slowly downstage to the table. He puts the tablecloth and crystalball on a chair and looks around the room. Lambert and Camelia walk hand in hand

and follow Morris as he walks to the window and draws back the curtains. The room

becomes brighter.

Morris: Good morning, Mr Sun. (Pause.) Have you brought a nice day

with you? (Pause. Morris peers out the window. Lambert and Camelia stand justbehind him.)

Lambert: He talks to the sun better than he does his wife.

Camelia: Well, the sun cant answer back and that gives him a sense ofpower.

Lambert: Mind you, Honey, if I had a wife like Rose, Id rather talk to the

sun.

Morris (Walks back to the table where he puts the green cloth over the table andspends time fussing over its exactness all the way around the table. Lambert and

Camelia stand and watch. After he is happy about the cloth, he places the crystal ball

in the centre and measures it all the way around with a measuring tape from his

pocket until he is happy it is dead centre. Then he sits at the table.)Is there anyone

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there?

Lambert: Yes, Morris, were here, but you cant see or hear us.

Camelia (Sits opposite Morris.)Morning Morris. How are you this morning?

Morris: Are you there, Mother?

Lambert: The guys calling up his mother.

Camelia: Perhaps he loved his mother.

Lambert: If you love someone, why disturb him or her with endless calls.

Morris: Hello, Mother. Morris here.

Camelia: Perhaps he misses her.

Lambert: So what. So he misses his ma. Who gives a damn? His mas too

busy enjoying her rest to give a damn about a son who cant leave her in

peace.

Morris: How are things, Mother?

Camelia: If I remember rightly, your mother was always calling after you

when you passed over in 1944. She had that Dougright Woman trying

endlessly trying to contact you.

Lambert: Sure, but she was my ma. Whatd you expect?

Morris: Is there anybody out there?

Camelia: Your mother tried month after month.

Lambert: Youre just jealous because nobody bothered to contact you

after you passed over.

Camelia: Jealous? Me? I never gave it a thought.

Lambert: Oh, come on, Honey you were downright upset that no one had

bothered to contact you.

Morris: Is there anyone out there? (Door upper stage opens and Rose enters. She

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hears Morris and stares at him. Lambert and Camelia become almost frozen in

movement.)Is there anyone there?

Rose: Morris Morrys what are you up to?

Morris (Stands up quickly and pushes back his chair.)Oh, Rose, its you. I was

just trying out the chairs.

Rose: Of course you were, Morris. Youve made enough noise to wake

the dead.

Morris: Noise? What noise?

Rose: Music, talking, and prancing around the floor like a demented Fred

Astaire.

Morris: I never heard music. And I certainly wasnt dancing.

Rose: Well I heard it and it came from this room. (Walks downstage to the

table and pauses when she sees Camelia sitting there.)What are you doing here?

Morris: I told you. I was trying out the chairs.

Rose: Not you, her.

Morris: Her, who?

Rose: What do you mean her who?

Morris: Whom are you talking to if not to me?

Rose: Her. Her there at the table.

Morris: I see no one. (Looks around the table and underneath.)Are you sure,

youre all right? Not been at the gin again?

Rose: Well? What are you doing here?

Camelia: Lambert and I have just dropped in for a while.

Rose: Lambert? Who is Lambert?

Morris: Lambert? How should I know?

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Lambert: Hello, Rose. (Lambert appears to Rose from behind her back. Rose steps

backwards shocked.)How are you, lady?

Rose: Youre not Lambert youre Reggie. Your Miss Lyes Reggie.

Lambert: Miss Lye?

Rose: The young girl I had here a few days ago when you were here.

Camelia: Thats right. Reggie. Stop getting Rose confused. Hes always

doing that Rose. Calling himself names and getting me confused at times

as well.

Morris: What young girl was that, Rose? I never had a young girl in here.

Camelia: Sometimes he calls himself Napoleon and that really confuses

me.

Lambert: Sorry, Rose, just jesting with you. I like the name Lambert. My

best fiend was called Lambert and I kind of like the sound of it.

Rose: Miss Lye will be most upset if she finds out you were here and she

wasnt.

Morris: Miss Lye? Wasnt she the young girl from the other day?

Camelia: And once he called himself Running Bear and that really upset

the angels up there.

Rose: I hope youre going to stay until she can contact you, young

Reggie?

Lambert: Miss Lye? Yes, sure I remember her. Wasnt she the pretty

dame?

Rose: Shes your fiance. How can you forget your fiance?

Camelia: Hes always forgetting things, Rose. The other day he forgot he

was dead.

Lambert: My Fiance? Well, Ill be damned.

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Camelia: Im surprise you arent after the life youve led.

Morris: Miss Lyes not my fiance. Im a married man. Im married to

you.

Lambert: Are you sure, shes my fiance?

Rose: Yes she is. And shes very upset that youre so absent-minded.

Morris (Walks away from the table scratching his head.)I know I have a bad

memory, but Id remember if she was my fiance.

Camelia: He remembers, Rose. Hes just getting you all agitated.

Rose: Im a professional medium. Im here for the sake of others not just

for the fun of it.

Lambert: Well, Im a dogs dinner. If that isnt something odd. A fiance

I dont remember ever having.

Rose: Shameful.

Camelia: Reggie, behave.

Lambert: Reggie?

Camelia: You.

Lambert: Oh, me? You mean me?

Rose: Yes, you. (Pause. Rose sits down in one of the chairs next to Camelia.Lambert sits down next to Rose. Morris stands by the window.)

Morris: Im confused, Rose. Im absolutely confused.

Rose: What are you moaning about, Morris?

Lambert: Yes, go away Morris; youre not part of the club.

Rose: You leave, Morris alone. Hes nothing to do with you.

Morris: Ill go get the other room ready. Things are beyond myunderstanding here. (Morris walks upstage hurriedly and disappears out of the

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door.)

Rose: Now, look what youve done.

Camelia: He was getting in the way, Rose.

Rose: Dont you, Rose, me.

Lambert: Lets calm down. Lets just calm down. (Pause.)

Rose: Morris is a sensative man. Hes easily upset. Cant have you going

around upsetting him.

Lambert: He cant see or hear me, so how can I upset him?

Camelia: Me neither. It was you who confused and upset him, Rose, not

us.

Rose: It was you told him to go.

Camelia: He cant hear us.

Lambert: Cant see us.

Rose: Well, you shouldnt have said that to him anyway whether he could

see or hear or not.

Camelia: All right. Were sorry.

Lambert: Sure, were sorry, Rose.

Rose: So you should be.

Lambert: So we are.

Camelia: Yes. We are. (Pause.)Sorry.

Rose :( Sighs. Looks at Lambert.)What are you doing here anyway?

Lambert: We like it here.

Camelia: Yes, we used to stay here during the War.

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Rose: What war?

Lambert: The big war. Number two.

Rose: How can that be? If youre Miss Lyes fiance?

Lambert: Who said I was her fiance?

Camelia: How old is she?

Rose: She told me she was twenty-nine. The wars been over for eighteen

years so that would have made her eleven years old in 1945. How old was

she when you became engaged to Miss Lye?

Lambert: Hard to remember after all these years.

Rose: You cant remember?

Camelia: He has a terrible memory, Rose.

Lambert: Really terrible, I cant remember who I am sometimes.

Rose: You cant remember how old your fiance was when you became

engaged to her? What is it with you Americans that you engage so

young?

Camelia: How old do you think she was, Rose?

Rose: If shes twenty-nine now she couldnt have been more than ten or

eleven then. Thats disgusting!

Lambert: I cant recall engaging her at all.

Camelia: Reggie try harder.

Lambert: Was it in 1944? Couldnt have been after that because I passed

over in June 1944. Maybe it was 1943?

Camelia: That was a good year for you, Reggie. You were made a

sergeant.

Rose: That would make Miss Lye nine years old when you became

engaged to her. Thats terrible! Utterly utterly terrible!

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Lambert: Oh, I guess it was a little naughty. Nine years old? Really?

Camelia: Some girls dont look their age.

Lambert: Yes, some dames look twice their age.

Rose: Twice their age? Twice their age? How can a nine-year-old girl

look eighteen?

Lambert: I dont recall anything about her.

Camelia: It must have been that blow to the head.

Rose: What blow to the head?

Lambert: Shell. Blew me for six.

Rose: Shell?

Camelia: On the beach.

Rose: Beach? What beach?

Camelia: Normandy.

Lambert: And Camey here was bombed out in London by a V-2 rocket in

1945. I met her when she passed over.

Camelia: That was nice of him.

Lambert: Least I could do.

Camelia: There he was with open arms.

Lambert: And weve been together ever since.

Rose: But what about Miss Lye?

Lambert: What about her?

Rose: Shes your fiance.

Camelia: Well, thats not strictly true.

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Rose: What do you mean not strictly true?

Lambert: Camey and I have been leading you and Miss Lye astray.

Rose: Astray? What do you mean?

Camelia: We had never heard of Miss Lye until the other day. We

thought it would be fun to string you two along a bit.

Rose: Fun? String a poor unhappy girl along is fun?

Lambert: Well, no, I guess it wasnt fun really. Sort of complicated in the

end.

Rose: So youre not Miss Lyes fianc?

Lambert: No.

Camelia: Never been anyones fianc as Lambert.

Rose: So where is Miss Lyes Reggie?

Lambert: No idea. He never showed up the other day when you were

trying to contact him. So I kind of fitted in a bit.

Rose: That was wrong of you.

Camelia: Yes it was.

Lambert: So what now?

Rose: Miss Lyes coming here to contact her Reggie. And Reggie is what

shell need.

Camelia: But there isnt a Reggie.

Rose: Then you, Lambert will have to pretend to be her Reggie.

Lambert: Her Reggie?

Rose: Her Reggie.

Lambert: Must I?

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Camelia :} Yes.

Rose :} Yes.

Lambert: All right. All right. Ill be Reggie. But on one condition.

Camelia: What?

Rose: Yes, what?

Lambert: That its just for the one day only. No more after that. No more

being Reggie after that.

Rose: All right. Just the once.

Camelia: Just to put her mind at rest. (Looks at Lambert. Blows him a kiss.)

Lambert: Right, you dames. Youre going to see the best ever Reggie.

(Laughs.)The best ever that walked this side of the grave. (Pause. Rose looksat both of the dead souls and smiles. The room fades slowly into darkness. Silence.)

End of Scene One.

Act Two. Scene Two.

An hour later. The room is lit only over the table where Rose and Constance sit facing

each other. The rest of the room is dark.

Rose: So you want to try to contact Reggie again, Miss Lye?

Constance: Oh, yes, I must try to contact my Reggie again, Mrs Morrys.

Ive not slept properly since I was here last.

Rose: Ill see what I can do, Miss Lye. I cant promise anything. These

spirits dont have to come if they are not inclined to do so. Some can be

awkward buggers. I had one once who would not come and speak to his

wife. Said he was too busy.

Constance: Im sure my Reggie will come. He wasnt the type to refuse

me anything. Good sort he was. Salt of the earth.

Rose: Well, Ill try. Cant say fairer than that can I?

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Constance: It would pick me up no end if he were to speak to me again.(Pause.)We sort of left things in mid air. What with him dying and all that.(Pause. Lambert appears upper stage light opens on him gradually as he walks

downstage to the table. Rose spots him, but says nothing.)Oh, Mrs Morrys

wheres my Reggie?

Rose: Dont fret yourself, Miss Lye; Ill try to get into the spirit of things.(Rose closes her eyes and gives the impression of going into a trance. Lambert stands

behind Constance and looks at Rose.) Is there anybody there?

Lambert: Only me, Rose.

Rose: Is that you, Reggie?

Lambert: No, its me, Lambert.

Rose: I know that, Reggie.

Lambert: Oh, right, of course, sorry. (Waves at Rose who doesnt see him

because her eyes are closed.)Reggie here.

Rose: Reggie, your fianc is here.

Constance: My Reggie?Lambert: So what. What am I to do about it?

Rose: Have you anything to say to her?

Lambert: Sure, go back to the living.

Constance: Reggie? Are you here, Reggie? I miss you Reggie.

Rose: Your fiance wants to ask you some questions, Reggie.

Lambert: What is this? Am I to carry on with this charade?

Rose: Hes very close, Miss Lye.

Constance: Oh, Reggie, Reggie why did you have to die?

Lambert: One look at you dame and it inevitable that it could only end in

one way.

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Rose: Reggie, be constructive.

Constance: Why, Reggie? You know I love you.

Lambert: Rose, tell her to get herself another guy. Her Reggies not here.Tell her go get a life.

Rose: Reggie, behave!

Constance: Whats he saying?

Lambert: Get a life, Miss Lye. Go get yourself another.

Rose: I want you to be constructive. I want you to see thing from MissLyes perspective. Not go on about you and what you think is best.

Constance: What does Reggie think is best, Mrs Morrys?

Rose: He says you should find another. Find another man in your life and

forget him.

Constance: What man in my life? I dont have a man in my life. Only

Reggie and hes dead.

Lambert: What is it with this dame? Does she want to waste her life on a

dead guy?

Rose: Reggie is adamant you should forget about him.

Constance: Forget about whom?

Rose: Reggie. (Opens her eyes and stares at Lambert.)

Lambert: Hi, Rose. What bright eyes you have.

Constance: Forget about my Reggie? I cant. Hes my life.

Rose: What about my eyes?

Constance: Whats he saying, Mrs Morrys?

Lambert: Youve lovely eyes, Rose. Never noticed them before.

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Rose: Have I really? (Smiles.)Morris has never told me that.

Constance: Told you what? Whats Reggie saying?

Rose: That Ive lovely eyes.

Constance: What about my eyes, Reggie? What do you think of my eyes?

Lambert: Why doesnt Miss Lye go for a walk and breathe the fresh air.

Shes still the nose to do it.

Rose: Go for a walk, Reggie says.

Constance: Walk? Walk?

Lambert: Sure, Miss Lye, go for a long walk and find a guy who has a

limited eyesight and stupid enough to find you beautiful.

Rose: Thats not nice.

Constance: Whats the matter with Reggie? He never used to be like this.

Rose: The afterlife does things to people.

Lambert: Sure does. Makes you realise how short life is. Until youre

dead, that is, then it opens up to an endless plain of possibilities.

Constance: Oh, Reggie. I need you. I cant live without you.

Lambert: Well, you cant live with him.

Rose: Best relax a few moments, Miss Lye.

Constance: I dont want to relax. I want my Reggie to speak to me.

Lambert: What a dame. If her Reggie were here hed soon go again thats

for sure.

Rose: Reggie says you must find another and forget about him.

Constance: I dont want to forget about him.

Lambert: What about that Lyndon guy? Hed make her a good fiance

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wouldnt he?

Rose: Lyndon?

Lambert: Lyndon Smyth. The mummys boy?

Rose Oh, him.

Constance: Lyndon? Who is Lyndon?

Rose: You dont know him.

Lambert: Hed be just right for her. She could mummy him.

Rose: Lyndon Smyth. Yes, its a possibility.

Constance: Whats a possibility?

Lambert: Youll have to get them together somehow.

Rose: Thats possible I suppose.

Constance: Whats possible, Mrs Morrys? I need to know what Reggies

saying. (Rises up from the chair and stares at the crystal ball.)Reggie? Are you

there?

Rose: Please put down my crystal ball, Miss Lye, its been in my family

for generations.

Constance: Hello, Reggie. (Shakes the crystal ball.)Speak to me!

Rose :( Stands up and takes the crystal ball back from Constance and puts it on the

table.)Hes not in there. Hes here in this room. (Lambert stands beside

Rose.)Quite near in fact.

Constance: Where? (Pushes back her chair and flings her arms about her.)Am I

warm?

Rose: Miss Lye, this is not the behaviour Im used to from grieving

relatives.

Constance: I want my Reggie! (Stamps her foot.)I want him now!

Rose: Hush. (Puts her finger to her lips.)Youll frighten him away at this rate

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Miss Lye.

Constance: I want my Reggie.

Lambert: Tell her about Lyndon Smyth.

Rose: Reggie says you are fated to be with Lyndon Smyth.

Constance: Lyndon who?

Rose: Smyth.

Constance: What does he mean Im fated to be with this Lyndon Smyth?

I dont know any Lyndon Smyths. Never met one in my life.

Lambert: Go on, Rose. Push it. Tell her more.

Rose: Its your fate to be with Mr Smyth.

Constance: How do you know?

Rose: Reggie says so.

Constance: Hows he know who Im supposed to be fated to be with?

Rose: Its written in your stars.

Constance: Stars? Stars? What stars?

Lambert: I feel sorry for Lyndon Smyth, now.

Rose: Its your horoscope. Written in the stars. Reggie has seen it.

Constance: Seen it? Where?

Rose: He sees many things where he is.

Lambert: Thats true. Oh, so true. If only you knew.

Constance: Where is he?

Rose: In the spirit world.(Lambert walks away and goes upstage and disappears.)

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Constance: I thought you said he was here?

Rose: He is at the moment, but usually hes in the spirit world.

Constance: Oh, my Reggie, trying to pass me on to someone else.Doesnt he love me any more?

Rose: Loves you as much as ever, but wants you to find a life with this

Smyth fellow.

Constance: Smyth fellow?

Rose: Lyndon. Nice man. Single. Motherless.

Constance: How do you know?

Rose: Because he was here the other day.

Constance: Was he? What was he doing here?

Rose: Trying to contact his dead mother.

Constance: How sad.

Rose: Yes.

Constance: Did he?

Rose: Did he what?

Constance: Contact his mother.

Rose: Not successfully. Hes coming back to try again. Later today.

Constance: Really?

Rose: Yes. (Sits down.)Would you like to meet him?

Constance: I dont know. (Sits down.)Is he young?

Rose: Yes. Thirty-two.

Constance: Thirty-two? Thats quite young. Is he handsome?

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Rose: Very much so. Id like him myself if I were younger and not

married to Mr Morrys.

Constance: Is he rich?

Rose: Seems to be quite well off.

Constance: Could it be love at first sight?

Rose: If its fated to be so.

Constance: Reggie says it is fated so it must be. Oh, my Reggie. How

thoughtful he is. Oh, Reggie. (Sighs. Sobs.)Who am I to interfere with my

fate? Let me meet him, Mrs Morrys.

Rose: I shall arrange it, Miss Lye. Dont you worry. (Looks at Lambert who

shrugs his shoulders.)Reggies gone now. Hes says goodbye.

Constance: Goodbye, Reggie. (Sighs and sobs softly.)

Rose: Ill show you to my lounge. You can wait there for a while. (Roseand Constance rise and walk upstage and leave by the door. Room fades to darkness.)

End of Scene two.

Act Two. Scene Three.

Half an hour later. The table is lit up where Rose and Lyndon are sitting opposite each

other. Lower stage right a spotlight is on Camelia standing by the window.)

Rose: We will try to contact your mother, Mr Smyth if you will tell me

her Christian name.

Lyndon: Alyce. Her name was Alyce.

Rose: Right. (Pause. Closes her eyes and gives the appearance of going into a

trance.)I am calling on the name of Alyce Smyth. Her son, Lyndon is here.

He wishes to speak with her.

Camelia: If the woman has any sense, shell not show. Why cant they

leave their dead alone. Always trying to contact them, they are. Ive been

to many a sance. The dead souls wearily go along to pacify their

bereaved ones. But all they want is to get on with their death. To do thing

without the worry of cost or time or such.

Rose: is there anybody there?

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Camelia: Im over here Rose. By the window.

Rose :( Opens her eyes for a few moments then closes them.)Is that you Mrs

Smyth?

Lyndon: Mother? Is that you Mother? (Sits up and looks around the room.)

Camelia: Lambert told me about Miss Lye and Mothers boy here. They

deserve each other.

Rose: Yes, hes here, Mrs Smyth.

Lyndon: Mother? Its me, Lyndon. Lyndon your son.

Camelia: How many Lyndons did she know?

Rose: Yes, of course, Ill tell him.

Lyndon: Tel me what, Mrs Morrys, tell me what?

Camelia: Tell the man to grow up and get on with his life.

Rose: She says you must get on with your life.

Lyndon: Get on with my life? What does she mean?

Rose: She wants you to marry.

Lyndon: Marry? Marry? My mother wants me to marry?

Rose: Yes. A nice girl.

Camelia: Poor Miss Lye. What a fate that is.

Lyndon: I dont know any nice girls.

Rose: Your mother says shes seen your future.

Lyndon: My future? Mother? What have you seen that has persuaded you

to tell me to marry? You never wanted me to marry while you were alive.

Why now?

Camelia: The old biddy wanted him to herself while she was alive, now

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shes dead shes too busy living it up amongst the dead souls to worry

about him. Tell him about Miss Lye, Rose. Put the poor man out of his

misery.

Rose: Your mother says its time for you to marry now. She says shesseen the woman you must marry.

Lyndon: Seen her? Is she dead then?

Rose: No, seen her here in this life.

Lyndon: Who? Where?

Rose: A woman called Constance Lye.

Lyndon: Lye? Constance Lye? I dont know any Constance Lyes. How

can I marry a woman I dont know?

Rose: Your mother says she the one for you.

Lyndon: Really, Mother? The one for me? You always said that I was not

the marrying sort. That I was doomed to be a bachelor. Whats changed?

Rose:(Opens her eyes suddenly and stares at Lyndon.)Your mother says she was

mistaken. You are the marrying kind.

Lyndon: I am?

Camelia: Not very confident is he. Its a wonder he ever went to the

bathroom by himself.

Rose: Yes. Constance Lye. Shes the one she says.

Lyndon: How am I going to find this Constance Lye?

Rose: I know her.

Lyndon: You do?

Rose: Yes. She was here earlier.

Lyndon: Was she? What was she doing here?

Rose: Trying to contact her late fianc.

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Lyndon: Late fianc? How sad.

Rose; Yes, very sad.

Lyndon: And did she contact him?

Rose: Yes. He told her to find someone else.

Lyndon: How kind of him.

Rose; Yes.

Lyndon: How would I find this Miss Lye?

Rose: I can arrange that if you want to meet her.

Lyndon: Could you? But, how do I know shell want me after her fianc

died? She might not want anyone else after that.

Rose: She told me shed want to meet another man.

Lyndon: Did she?

Rose: Yes.

Camelia: Youre a poor medium, Rose, but a damned good liar.

Rose: Thank you.

Lyndon: Thank you?

Rose: Mother says Im doing well.

Lyndon: Did she?

Rose: Yes. Says Im a good medium.

Camelia: I rest my case.

Lyndon: Mother has changed. She never ever praised anyone while she

was alive. Everyone was in the wrong except her. Well, then of course.

Not now. Not now, Mother.

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Rose: Would you like to meet this Miss Lye?

Lyndon: I dont know if Im ready yet for marriage. What if she doesnt

like me?

Rose: Your mother says she will.

Lyndon: Will she?

Rose: Yes. Very much so. Be over the moon about you.

Lyndon: Really?

Rose: Yes.

Lyndon: Im shy.

Rose: She likes shy men.

Lyndon: Ive neverYou know never

Rose: Nor has she. Total virgin.

Camelia: There's a thought.

Lyndon: Oh, I dont know. Mother? Are you still there, Mother?

Rose: She says shes still here.

Lyndon: Should I really marry this Miss Lye, Mother?

Rose: Yes, she says.

Lyndon: Really?

Rose: Yes.

Lyndon: Even if I have toYou knowIm very shy.

Rose: Your mother says youll cope.

Lyndon: What about your tombstone?

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Rose: My what?

Lyndon: Not yours, Mothers.

Rose: Mothers what?

Lyndon: Tombstone.

Rose: What about it?

Lyndon: What am I to put on it?

Camelia: What about: Goodbye for now?

Rose: Ill ask her.

Lyndon: Hard to know what to put.

Camelia: Or what about: Ill be seeing you?

Rose: Just put rest in peace she says.

Lyndon: Is that all?

Rose: Yes. Just that. Plain and simple.

Lyndon: Well if thats what she wants.

Rose: Thats what she says.

Lyndon: Rest in peace?

Rose: Rest in peace.

Lyndon: Nothing more?

Rose: Nothing more.

Lyndon: Just that?

Rose: Just that.

Lyndon: And Im to marry?

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Rose: Yes. Youre to marry.

Lyndon: God. Mother dead and Im to marry. And just rest in peace on

her tombstone.

Camelia: Strange isnt it? The way some minds work. Rest in peace.

Raving it up more like. Having a good time and enjoying it.

Rose: Would she be?

Camelia: Possibly. Some do. Nothing sinful you understand. Just

enjoying the things that one should. Without the worry of time and

expense.

Rose: Oh, what a thing to wonder at. Life after death.

Lyndon: Mother? Are you still here Mother?

Rose: No. Shes gone away. Had important things to do. Sends her love.

Lyndon: Sends her love?

Rose: Yes.

Lyndon: Oh, my God. Mother actually said the word: Love.

Rose: Yes. Strange things happen in the spirit world.

Lyndon: And where is this Miss Lye?

Camelia: Thats it, Rose, put the boy out of his misery. (Camelia walks offupstage and disappears.)

Rose: Ill arrange for you to meet.

Lyndon: What now?

Rose: Yes, if you want to meet her.

Lyndon: Whats she like?

Rose: Youll love her.

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Lyndon: Will I?

Rose: Oh, yes.

Lyndon: What aboutYou know?

Rose: It will be all right.

Lyndon: Are you sure?

Rose: Yes, all will be all right on the night.

Lyndon: Well. Here goes. (He rises up and stares around the room.)Nothing to

lose.

Rose: Nothing exceptYou know what. (Rises and takes Lyndon by the handup stage.)

Lyndon: Oh, Mother, what ever shall I do?

Rose: All will be fine, Mr Smyth. All will be well. (They both leave by thedoor. Silence.)

End of Scene Three.

Act Two. Scene Four.

A week later. Late morning. The room is bright and Rose is sitting at the table alone.

Rose: Is there anybody there? (Pause.)Is there anybody out there? (Pause.)

Anyone? Any soul alive or dead? (Pause. Sighs.)Nothing. Not a word. Not a

whisper. Not a bang not a thing or anything for a week now. (Pause.

Sighs.)Where have all the spirits gone? Hello. Is there anyone listening?

Anyone want to listen? Anyone care to listen? (Pause.)Hello. Camelia?

Lambert? (Pause. Camelia and Lambert enter upstage and wander slowly downstage

towards Rose.)Hello, Mrs Smyth? Reggie? Anyone? (Pause. Closes her

eyes.)Napoleon? Florence Nightingale?

Lambert: Hello, Rose.

Camelia: Hello, Rose.

Rose :( Opens her eyes and sees camellia and Lambert standing oppositeher.)Where is everybody? Not a word from a single spirit all week. Have I

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been sent to Coventry?

Camelia: Youve been sent nowhere, Rose. Youre just not convincing

enough for a medium. The dead souls arent sure of you. They think

youre a fraud.

Rose: A fraud? Me?

Lambert: Yes, you, Rose. For years, youve been faking things. The dead

souls know. They dont trust you.

Rose: Ive changed. I can really contact the dead, now.

Lambert: Only us.

Camelia: No one else has been near you.

Rose: But dont you count?

Camelia: We came of our own account. To see the house. To remind

ourselves of our Wartime romance.

Lambert: And you just happen to see us and hear us. It doesnt count,

Rose. It just isnt what being a mediums about. Youve got it all wrong.

Its not a business. Its not a skill. Its gift, which you have for years

abused and exploited.

Rose: You mean Im being ignored by the spirit world?

Camelia: Sort of. They just dont think youre genuine.

Lambert: They dont trust you, Rose. Thats the bottom line.

Rose: But I can hear and see you two. Why not others?

Camelia: Spirits dont have to contact you or relate to you. They can just

give you a wide berth.

Lambert: Keep out of your sight.

Rose: Oh, no, surely not. I want to be genuine. I want to help people

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contact their loved ones who have passed over. I want to be the real thing,

not a fraud.

Lambert: You are going to have to prove that to the spirit world, not us.

Rose: How?

Camelia: Theyll be watching you. Listening to you. Judging you. In their

time, they might decide youre genuine and contact you. Until then, Rose,

youll have to make a living out of something else.

Lambert: No more pretending you can contact the dead.

Camelia: No more pretending you can read peoples palms or tealeaves.

Lambert: No more reading peoples bumps.

Camelia: No more tarot cards or trances.

Lambert: No more faking sances.

Camelia: No more talking to pretend spirits with your husbands help.

Lambert: Understand, Rose?

Rose :( Rose looks at them both and nods.)What am I to do? I have no other

skills.

Lambert: A landlady? This is a big house. You can be a landlady.

Camelia: Yes. Youre near the sea. A guesthouse would be just right.

Lambert: And we could be your resident ghosts.

Rose: Ghosts?

Lambert: Dead souls.

Rose: I suppose it might work.

Camelia: Of course it will. You have the house and the money to start

you up.

Lambert: And were on hand to give advice and such.

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Rose: Youll be here?

Camelia: Now and again.

Lambert: Sure, Rose, just give us a call. Well help where we can.

Rose: It might work. I can see it might work.

Camelia: Just give it a try, Rose. Youve nothing to lose.

Lambert: And how did Lyndon and Constance get on?

Rose: Very well. Like a house on fire. Theyve been out togethereveryday this last week. I saw them last night on the pier hand in hand

and kissing.

Camelia: Yuk.

Lambert: There you are. Alls well that ends well, so they say.

Rose: Yes. Alls well that ends well. But you will be here wont you?

Camelia: Well be around. Looking the old place up. Thinking about our

youth and romance.

Lambert: Remembering our days here in this house in 1944.

Rose: Has it changed?

Camelia: Not much. Mostly its the same. This room is where we danced

and listened to music.

Lambert: And your bedroom was where we made love.

Camelia: Lambert!

Rose: How romantic. To think you were here back then.

Lambert: Yes. The last time we saw each other alive was here in this

room.

Camelia: Yes. It was here we stood and kissed each other goodbye.

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Lambert: Yes. It was. Right here.

Rose: Youre always welcome to come anytime. This is your home too as

far as Im concerned.

Lambert: Thanks, Rose.

Camelia: Yes, thanks, Rose. Well remember that.

Lambert: And put a good word in for you in the spirit world.

Camelia: Give you a good reference to the dead souls.

Rose: Thank you. Thank you, both.

Camelia: And call us if you need us.

Lambert: Well come and help. Just say the word.

Rose: I will. (Pause. Watches as Camelia and Lambert move upstage slowly and

disappear.) Goodbye, Lambert. Goodbye, Camelia. (She sits looking around theroom. Slowly the room fades to darkness. Silence.)

End of Act two and Scene Four.

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dead souls and mrs morrys

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