'All emotions are OK'

Supporting adult caregivers to be emotionallyready for working withchildren, young people,

adults and families whohave experienced mental

or emotional healthdifficulties, stress or

trauma.  

'Emotioncoaching isespecially

relevant  duringthe coronavirus

pandemic'

by Dr SarahTemple 

mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

Dr Sarah Temple MRCGP is a GP expert generalist with a special interest inneurodevelopment and mindful activities.

Sarah has more than 30 years' experience working with children, young people andfamilies both within General Practice and Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

Sarah is passionate about translating complex science into accessible, easy to remember stories and metaphors that are practical and helpful.

The approach Sarah has created is described at www.maceapproach.co.uk The evidence base for this work can be found through links at

www.emotionintelligence.co.uk

www.mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

Dr Sarah Temple MBBChir MRCGPEHCAP Ltd, 3 Ridgeway, Sherborne, Dorset, DT9 6BZ

www.ehcap.co.ukDesigned and produced by EHCAP Limited © 2020

Foreword

 “Emotion coaching” is an approach to wellness and to managing behaviourfirst described by Professor John Gottman and pioneered in the UK by Bath

Spa University and Somerset GP Dr Sarah Temple.

Instead of punishing or dismissing at stressful times, the emotion coachingapproach involves emotionally connecting with each other, reflecting on andlabelling emotions before problem solving or limit setting. To maintain anemotion coaching relationship style involves developing insight into our ownemotions (emotion literacy) as well as actively practicing self-care. This is truefor everyone in a caring role but is particularly important for those workingwith families who have experienced adversity.   Key to the Emotion Coaching approach involves understanding Professor DanSiegel’s Hand Model metaphor of emotion regulation. This explains how whensomething causes us to “flip our lid”, we may cry, shout, lash out, freeze, runaway or withdraw into ourselves.  Our rational, logical thinking is beingoverwhelmed by our emotions, making it hard to think clearly. This is when wecan say and do things we wouldn't normally do or that aren't OK. We can learnto notice our emotions earlier and make changes so that we 'flip our lids' lessoften. We can then support children, young people and families to managetheir emotions and behaviours.   

mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

You will find practical ideas tosupport developing

emotion intelligence andemotion literacy where you see

this bubble.

'All emotions are OK but not allbehaviours are OK'

Professor John Gottman

Training summary 

'We know from the science that the more we can support young people and families to recognise and express their emotions the easier they will find it to make friends,

maintain relationships and feel comfortable with themselves'. Dr Sarah TempleMRCGP, Director EHCAP Ltd

Did you know that the human brain in Western society continues to developinto the mid twenties and that although 'earlier is better' it is never too late forchange. One of the most crucial times for human babies to develop pathways intheir brains that are important for managing emotions  is during pregnancy andin the first two years. 

Mindful Emotion Coaching and Adverse Childhood Experience (MACE)training will support you to learn about the neuroscience of earlyhuman development and the biology of stress. It will also support you to talk about emotions and feelings within a trauma informed, healingcentered framework.

MACE training is normally run as two half days with a two week breakbetween them during which learners are encouraged to use DanSiegel's Hand Model and John Gottman's Emotion Coaching style withfriends and family.

EHCAP is currently offering this training online in webinar format. 

The cost is highly dependent on host organisation requirements butnormally starts at £1500 plus VAT for the pair of webinars (group of 6-10 learners). 

All learners will have the opportunity to access online or telephonecoaching at a discounted rate of £45 per session on a one to one basisor £75 per session for a group.

Learners will also be offered the opportunity to join EHCAP's LearningCommunity using a code provided by the EHCAP trainer. This providesaccess to a wide range of resources as well as peer support through  aWhat's App group of professionals, volunteers and parents. There is a£15 annual charge for membership beyond the first 6 months.

'Using an emotion coaching relationship style at least30% of the time supports healthy brain development.This is relevant for all children but especially for highlysensitive children with high functioning autism andother neurodiversities because they are oftenparticularly susceptible to the effects of stress.' mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

Introduction including relevance of Emotion Literacy and EmotionIntelligenceCore evidence base and references (www.emotionintelligence.co.uk)The brain as a social organ and the biology of stress - positive,tolerable, toxicEffects of inflammation and toxic stress on human development Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)Ingroups and Outgroups - the science of inclusionProfessor Dan Siegel's Hand Model metaphorProfessor John Gottman's four relationship stylesEmotion CoachingMaintaining compassion with self-care and mindful activities

Training Contentwww.maceapproach.co.uk

Stress is a normal part of everyday life but there aretimes when high levels of stress are unavoidable andcan affect relationships. This training gives youpractical ways you can support yourselves andothers through times of stress.

A Positive Stress response is a normal and essential part of healthy development,characterised by brief increases in heart rate and mild elevations in hormone levels. Examplesinclude things like getting to an appointment on time, getting children to school on time,getting presents ready  for Christmas.

A Tolerable Stress response activates the body’s alert systems to a greater degree as a resultof more severe, longer lasting difficulties, such as the loss of a loved one, a natural disaster , ora frightening injury. The activation is time limited and buffered by emotion coachingrelationships with adults who help the child adapt. The brain and other organs are able torecover from what might otherwise be damaging effects.

A Toxic Stress response can occur when a child or adult experiences strong, frequent and / or prolonged adversity- such as physical or emotional neglect or abuse, caregiver substance abuse (alcohol or drugs for example), care giver mental illness, exposure to violence, and / or the accumulated burdens of family economic hardship- without adequate adult support or buffering emotion coaching relationships. This kind of prolonged activation of the stress response systems particularly in pregnancy and the first two years of life- can cause a chronic inflammation and disrupt the development of brain architecture, affect immune systems, hormonal systems and how  DNA is read and expressed. In other words it changes how cells work together.

InflammationAn acute inflammatory reaction is short-term, and can be triggered by an infection, orby experiencing, witnessing, or perceiving an immediate threat. This short-term responsecauses immune cells to “go to their battle stations.” We need this reaction to survive and itis part of both the positive and tolerable stress response. In other words, acuteinflammation is similar to a fire drill. Brief activation of stress response systems, followed bya return to balance, builds resilience. Our mind and body prepare for an emergency butthen restore order after a short time. Chronic inflammation may be experienced over anextended period of time in environments that cause prolonged stress. Imagine if the firealarm rings  for days, weeks, or months. This prolonged physiological reaction putsinflammatory substances in constant contact with multiple organs, which can disrupt themover time. Ongoing abuse or neglect, deep poverty, the stresses of systemic racism, orlong-term exposure to pollution can lead to chronic inflammatory responses. Theseresponses can lead to or worsen conditions such as cardiovascular disease,diabetes, depression, and asthma.

Adverse Childhood Experiences or ACEs

The effects of adversity on child development have been much analysedthrough Adverse Childhood Experience (ACEs) projects running across the UKand the world. In the MACE training we reflect on data from the seminal 1998Kaiser Permanante survey (Anda and Felitti) as well as more recent UK baseddata. In Somerset, EHCAP began working with Public Health in 2015 creating aresponse to ACEs and toxic stress based on John Gottman's Emotion Coaching,Dan Siegel's metaphors for emotion regulation and research from Center onthe Developing Child, Harvard University.

 

mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

In Groups and Out GroupsNormal brain function depends on the social web around us. Our neurones need otherpeople’s neurones to thrive and survive. Co operating for the good of the group hasallowed human populations to thrive and for the richness and complexity of our modernworld to develop.

However, social rejection even as simple as being left out of a game of catch results inactivity in the pain matrix of the brain. In other words social pain activates the samepathways as physical pain.

We know from the science that our inbuilt neuronal systems drive us toward bonding –belonging gives us comfort.

Imagine then how it feels to be excluded from mainstream society groups- whetherthrough exclusion from school or time away in prison. Facilitated discussion is driven bythe experience of the learners; for example healthcare staff will be familiar with howpatients and families can be cast into Out Groups and referred to as 'difficult patients’. Once a person or family is cast into an Out Group this can result in a de-humanisingexperience where members of the In Group lose compassion and say or do things theywouldn't normally do.

I

mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

Relationship styles and Emotion Coaching

Professor John Gottman describes four relationship styles;

Emotion Dismissive Style - 'don't worry, you'll be fine'Emotion Disapproving Style- 'if you hadn't gone out yesterday and you'd done somework you...'Laissez Faire or Permissive Style - 'talks about emotions but doesn't give boundariesor set limits on behaviour'Emotion Coaching style - 'Pause, Breathe, Connect, Engage with Empathy andCompassion, Problem Solve (with limit setting where necessary)'

'All emotions are OK but not all behaviours are OK' Professor John Gottman

John Gottman describes five steps of Emotion Coaching:

1.Tune in2.Connect with the people around you3.Accept  and recognise feelings, name emotions and empathise with them4.Reflect and validate feelings 5.End with problem solving  and where necessary limit setting

Emotion coaching is about building and enriching relationships. Teens and adolescentsneed us to maintain a 'consultant style' where we facilitate understanding whilst youngerchildren need a managerial style where we support them understanding and describingtheir emotions. Seeing the brain as a social organ dependent upon relationships withother people and understanding how our brains develop early on in our lives helps us allunderstand our emotions.

 

mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

EHCAP Ltd has put together lots offree resources to help you learn aboutMindful Emotion Coaching including  e-learning modules, an e-book summaryof the MACE approach and a webpagefull of useful video clips. To accessthese resources go towww.mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk .

The Hand Model

Professor Daniel J Siegel, The Whole Brain Child, pages 62-63. Mind Your Brain ©Inc 2015.

In this model the emotion part of the brain is represented by thethumb and acts like an accelerator. The thinking part of the brainacts as a brake on emotions and is represented by the finger tips.When the thumb is 'reactive' and the fingers pushed up we have‘Flipped our Lid’. When the thumb is calm and the fist is closed(representing motorways of connections between different areasof the brain) we are responsive.This is when we make our bestdecisions. When our lid is down and we are interacting with otherswho also have their lid down we make our best collectivedecisions and choices.We can learn to calm the reactivity of our brain through emotioncoaching techniques and mindful exercises. This is also referred toas Vagal Tone. The vagus nerve travels from the brain stem to keyorgans in the body, doing things like lowering heart rate andbreathing rate.

thehandmodel.co.uk

t

Flipping your Lid

mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

When you're feelingcalm and happy your

lid is down

But sometimes whenyour feelings get

really big you can flipyour lid

We're going to help you learnto notice when your lid isflapping and bring it down

before it flips.

Mindful Activities

Professor Dan Siegel invites us all to view ourselves as complex systemscapable of self-organisation.. The form or shape of the complex systemcan be optimized, or it can be constrained. When it’s not optimizing, itmoves toward chaos or toward rigidity. When it is optimizing, it movestoward harmony and flexibility.

The linking of differentiated parts is how we self-organize and movetoward optimal functioning. Mindful activities and meditation enable thisprocess - we call this integration.

Balance is something that we understand as coming from integration.When we allow things to be different or distinct from each other as wellas bing linked ie. when we differentiate and link, we integrate and we arein our ‘River of Wellbeing’ .Integration is the basis for optimal regulationthat enables us to flow between chaos and rigidity, the core process thathelps us flourish and thrive. Health comes from integration. It’s thatsimple, and that important.

mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

Mindful Activities enable integrationWe all use our senses all of the time. Without our senses,we would not be able to interact with the world. Senses arethings like sight, smell, taste, touch, balance, connection,inner body sensations eg. hunger.Our senses give us information and then our brain figuresout what to do with it. Sometimes, this gets figured out justfine and we can make sense of the things that we see, wecan move as we need to, we can enjoy tastes and smells,and so on. This is when we are balanced in the flow of ourRiver of Wellbeing. We have created a modified version of Dan Siegel’s Wheel ofAwareness which we use to enable integration throughmindful meditation. The process involves visualising a wheel with a hub and rim. Breathing slowly take your spoke ofawareness from the hub to the rim and continuing tobreathe slowly, hold each of the 5 senses in mind, moveyour visualisations into your inner body sensations and then to the interconnectedness between us all. More informationcan be found at:

www.compassionandcare.co.uk

mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

Useful Links

www.mindfulemotioncoaching.co.uk

www.maceapproach.co.uksummary of how Sarah developed the MACE approach to wellness

www.parentsupportmatters.co.ukfree e-learning portal

www.carersupportmatters.co.uk EHCAP's response to the coronavirus pandemic

www.emotioncoaching.co.ukonline access to EHCAP's Family Wellness Programme

www.alpiri.co.ukEHCAP Learning Community

Dr Sarah Temple MBBChir MRCGPEHCAP Ltd, 3 Ridgeway, Sherborne, Dorset, DT9 6BZ

www.ehcap.co.ukDesigned and produced by EHCAP Limited © 2020