conflict resolution the win/win approach. the handshake exercise each student will choose a partner...

Conflict ResolutionConflict Resolution

The Win/Win ApproachThe Win/Win Approach


The Handshake ExerciseThe Handshake Exercise Each student will choose a partner roughly Each student will choose a partner roughly

the same size as themselves.the same size as themselves. Both partners will lock hands in the form of Both partners will lock hands in the form of

a handshake.a handshake. You score a point every time you get the You score a point every time you get the

other persons hand to your hip.other persons hand to your hip. The aim of this exercise is to win as many The aim of this exercise is to win as many

points as you can.points as you can. You have 1 minute for this exercise.You have 1 minute for this exercise.


The Handshake ExerciseThe Handshake Exercise Who scored more than 30?Who scored more than 30? Who scored less than 20?Who scored less than 20? Who scored less than 10?Who scored less than 10? How did you interpret “you” in the How did you interpret “you” in the

instructions? As an individual, a pair instructions? As an individual, a pair or a group?or a group?


The Handshake ExerciseThe Handshake Exercise Did the idea of “winning” imply Did the idea of “winning” imply

“losing” as well?“losing” as well? Who discussed it with their partner? Who discussed it with their partner?

If you discussed it, what was If you discussed it, what was discussed? Did anybody change discussed? Did anybody change strategy during the exercise and if strategy during the exercise and if so, why?so, why?


The Handshake ExerciseThe Handshake Exercise When we are in conflict with someone When we are in conflict with someone

else, do we frequently approach it thinking else, do we frequently approach it thinking that one person will win and one will lose?that one person will win and one will lose?

Examples of this might be…”I told him”; “I Examples of this might be…”I told him”; “I put her in her place”; “I showed him who put her in her place”; “I showed him who was boss”; “I didn’t let her get the better was boss”; “I didn’t let her get the better of me”; “I got my way”; “I always lose out of me”; “I got my way”; “I always lose out in these sorts of problems”.in these sorts of problems”.


The Handshake ExerciseThe Handshake Exercise In an exercise such as this, it is possible to interpret In an exercise such as this, it is possible to interpret

“win” in a variety of ways and behave accordingly.“win” in a variety of ways and behave accordingly. Problems arise when we transfer a concept of Problems arise when we transfer a concept of

“wining over” to situations where “winning with” “wining over” to situations where “winning with” would be more beneficial.would be more beneficial.

““Winning over” is about one person winning while Winning over” is about one person winning while the other loses.the other loses.

““Winning with” is about cooperating so that both Winning with” is about cooperating so that both people obtain what they want or need.people obtain what they want or need.


The Handshake ExerciseThe Handshake Exercise A Win/Win approach is a co-operative A Win/Win approach is a co-operative

effort that will maximize the benefits for effort that will maximize the benefits for everyone. everyone.

A Win/Lose approach is based on A Win/Lose approach is based on competition and is far more likely to result competition and is far more likely to result in major differences in benefit to all in major differences in benefit to all involved.involved.


Now we will discuss the concept of Now we will discuss the concept of Fight and Flight Behaviors when Fight and Flight Behaviors when dealing with conflict.dealing with conflict.


Some examples of Fight behaviors Some examples of Fight behaviors include:include:

ScreamingScreaming Physical ViolencePhysical Violence Refusing to listenRefusing to listen ManipulationManipulation


Some of the main messages and Some of the main messages and intentions behind intentions behind FightFight behaviors behaviors are:are:

I’m right / you’re wrongI’m right / you’re wrong To blame or punishTo blame or punish To threatenTo threaten I’m OK / you’re notI’m OK / you’re not


Fight = I Win / You LoseFight = I Win / You Lose

This is considered an Aggressive This is considered an Aggressive BehaviorBehavior


Some examples of Some examples of FlightFlight behaviors behaviors include:include:

SulkingSulking CryingCrying Avoiding Avoiding Pretending it hasn’t happenedPretending it hasn’t happened Giving inGiving in


Some of the main messages and Some of the main messages and intentions behind intentions behind FlightFlight behaviors behaviors are:are:

I’m right / you’re wrongI’m right / you’re wrong To avoid conflictTo avoid conflict To let the other person winTo let the other person win I’m not OK / you areI’m not OK / you are


Flight = I lose / you winFlight = I lose / you win

This is considered a Passive behavior.This is considered a Passive behavior.


It is obvious that neither Fight or It is obvious that neither Fight or Flight are optimum tools for handling Flight are optimum tools for handling conflict as someone always loses.conflict as someone always loses.


Now we introduce a slightly different Now we introduce a slightly different set of behaviors that fall in between set of behaviors that fall in between Fight and Flight. Lets call them Fight and Flight. Lets call them FlowFlow behaviors.behaviors.


Some examples of Some examples of FlowFlow behaviors behaviors can include:can include:

Discussing the issueDiscussing the issue Listening to othersListening to others Taking time outTaking time out Explaining one’s own perspective Explaining one’s own perspective

and needs.and needs. CompromisingCompromising


Some of the main messages and Some of the main messages and intentions behind Flow behaviors are:intentions behind Flow behaviors are:

There must be a way to solve this.There must be a way to solve this. To sort out the problem.To sort out the problem. To respect others.To respect others. To make sure everyone is satisfied To make sure everyone is satisfied

with the solutionwith the solution I’m OK / you’re OKI’m OK / you’re OK


Flow = I Win / You WinFlow = I Win / You Win

This is considered an Assertive This is considered an Assertive behaviorbehavior


During Fight behavior, the intention, During Fight behavior, the intention, which may be unconscious, is to which may be unconscious, is to come down hard on the issue, with come down hard on the issue, with little concern for the person.little concern for the person.


During Flight behavior the intention, During Flight behavior the intention, which may be unconscious, is to which may be unconscious, is to protect ourselves rather than deal protect ourselves rather than deal with the problem. By not with the problem. By not confronting, the immediate result is confronting, the immediate result is relatively soft on the person.relatively soft on the person.


During Flow behavior, the intention is During Flow behavior, the intention is to solve the problem while at the to solve the problem while at the same time respecting everyone in same time respecting everyone in the conflict.the conflict.


Although flow behaviors seem to Although flow behaviors seem to have the best outcomes, we often have the best outcomes, we often resort to Fight or Flight behaviors. It resort to Fight or Flight behaviors. It is important to realize and remember is important to realize and remember whatwhat these behaviors are, so that these behaviors are, so that we can use them to our advantage in we can use them to our advantage in dealing with conflict.dealing with conflict.


Here is a little story:Here is a little story: There are two probationary There are two probationary

mechanics in a break room and only mechanics in a break room and only one orange. Both of them want the one orange. Both of them want the orange. What could they do?orange. What could they do?


They decided to compromise, and cut the They decided to compromise, and cut the orange in half.orange in half.

One mechanic went to the juicer and One mechanic went to the juicer and started to squeeze himself a drink, which started to squeeze himself a drink, which turned out too small to satisfy.turned out too small to satisfy.

The other mechanic, with some difficulty. The other mechanic, with some difficulty. Began to grate the rind on his half of the Began to grate the rind on his half of the orange to flavor a cake for the upcoming orange to flavor a cake for the upcoming proby dinner. He then threw out the pulp.proby dinner. He then threw out the pulp.


Both mechanics had only half of the Both mechanics had only half of the orange, in effect, they could have orange, in effect, they could have had the whole orange.had the whole orange.

Had they talked out the problem, Had they talked out the problem, listened to each other and found out listened to each other and found out what each one wanted and/or what each one wanted and/or needed, the solution would have needed, the solution would have been more practical for each.been more practical for each.


The key to the Win / Win approach is The key to the Win / Win approach is to explore all of the needs before to explore all of the needs before settling on a solution.settling on a solution.


CompromiseCompromise Compromise is sometimes Compromise is sometimes

considered the same as a Win/Win considered the same as a Win/Win approach. Some of the reasons that approach. Some of the reasons that we so often use it are:we so often use it are:


CompromiseCompromise It may seem to be the simplest, It may seem to be the simplest,

easiest and fairest thing to do.easiest and fairest thing to do. It means that when we can’t make a It means that when we can’t make a

bigger pie, at least everyone is bigger pie, at least everyone is sharing what is available.sharing what is available.

It results in both parties having It results in both parties having SomeSome of their needs met. of their needs met.


CompromiseCompromise It does have some disadvantages, such as:It does have some disadvantages, such as: It often requires one party to give It often requires one party to give moremore, ,

and than they will be and than they will be lessless committed to the committed to the solution.solution.

It may mean that the potential of all options It may mean that the potential of all options hasn’t been explored.hasn’t been explored.

It has been described as an acceptable It has been described as an acceptable form of form of Lose/LoseLose/Lose..


CompromiseCompromise Although compromise has disadvantages, Although compromise has disadvantages,

it is sometimes a valuable approach. it is sometimes a valuable approach. However, if we settle to quickly for However, if we settle to quickly for compromise, we can sell ourselves short. compromise, we can sell ourselves short.

It may even be that we decide on a poorer It may even be that we decide on a poorer quality solution than we would have if we quality solution than we would have if we had adopted a had adopted a Win/WinWin/Win approach. approach.


In conclusionIn conclusion Different types of behavior are Different types of behavior are

appropriate in different situations. appropriate in different situations. Mostly we will be very practiced in Mostly we will be very practiced in using two or three behaviors and using two or three behaviors and may feel less comfortable with the may feel less comfortable with the others. others.


The more flexible we can become, The more flexible we can become, the more choices we have about how the more choices we have about how we relate to others and the more we relate to others and the more opportunities we have to resolve opportunities we have to resolve conflict.conflict.


For the Win/Win approach to become For the Win/Win approach to become our first choice, we need to develop our first choice, we need to develop new skills. We need to learn to step new skills. We need to learn to step back from solutions, to consider the back from solutions, to consider the need or concern driving each person need or concern driving each person to particular outcomes.to particular outcomes.


A Win/Win A Win/Win approachapproach is not the same is not the same as a Win/Win as a Win/Win outcomeoutcome. It is the . It is the approach that is the key. Ask approach that is the key. Ask yourself the following:yourself the following:


How has the solution been generated?How has the solution been generated? Have all the needs been considered, Have all the needs been considered,

all options explored and the solution all options explored and the solution been chosen that meets more major been chosen that meets more major needs than any other?needs than any other?

Have the relevant parties participated Have the relevant parties participated in the process?in the process?


If you have made the effort to If you have made the effort to explore all possible options and have explore all possible options and have secured an outcome that meets the secured an outcome that meets the majority of needs for all of the majority of needs for all of the parties involved, you have parties involved, you have successfully implemented the successfully implemented the Win/Win approach.Win/Win approach.

CreditCredit

We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network for their generous donation of Network for their generous donation of materials used in the creation of this materials used in the creation of this presentation.presentation.

Conflict Resolution NetworkConflict Resolution Network PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148Email: Email: [email protected]@crnhq.orgWebsite: Website: www.crnhq.orgwww.crnhq.org

mailto:[email protected]

http://crnhq.org/www.crnhq.org

CreditCredit

This course was created by AMFA Local 11 This course was created by AMFA Local 11 to assist in the education of its Professional to assist in the education of its Professional Standards Committee members.Standards Committee members.

Permission to use this material is granted Permission to use this material is granted to any AMFA Local.to any AMFA Local.

This course was created using materials This course was created using materials provided by The Conflict Resolution provided by The Conflict Resolution Network. Permission has been extended Network. Permission has been extended to use this material providing credit to use this material providing credit remains intact on all modules.remains intact on all modules.

conflict resolution the win/win approach. the handshake exercise each student will choose a partner...

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