Chapter 8Simple Assertiveness and

Healthy Boundaries

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

— Will Rogers

© 2006 Jones and Bartlett Publishers

The Ageless Wisdom of Assertiveness

• Although there are no division lines between mind, body, spirit, and emotions, we need to establish boundaries in our personal lives for stability.• By and large, people have poor personal boundaries (e.g., relationships, finances, etc.)• People who do not assert themselves make a habit of feeling victimized--also known as “victim consciousness.”

The Art of Healthy Boundaries

• Healthy boundaries are guidelines (rules) you establish for personal stability.• Healthy boundaries may be established in all areas of one’s life: relationships, finances, nutrition, leisure, family.• The real art of healthy boundaries is to establish them, but have some flexibility so they are not too rigid.

Benefits of Healthy Boundaries

The best benefit of healthy boundaries is not feeling like a victim.

As such, healthy boundaries provide a sense of empowerment.

The Anatomy of High Self-Esteem

There is a correlation between self-esteem and stress levels.

High self-esteem… low stress

Low self-esteem… high stress

These are the components of high self-esteem:•Uniqueness

•Role models

•Connectedness

•Calculated risks

•Empowerment

The Importance of Empowerment

What is empowerment?

The opposite of empowerment is ego-based

control (the illusion of control).

Why is empowerment necessary in a rapidly changing world?

The Anatomy of Assertiveness

Assertiveness is considered the mid-point between passiveness and aggressiveness.

Assertiveness is establishing your rights.

Assertiveness is moving from victim to hero (e.g., Rosa Parks).

How to Incorporate Assertiveness into Your Life

The following are some time-tested methods of assertive behavior:• Learn to say no when your feel people are taking advantage of you.• Use I statements (e.g., “I feel that this would not be a good idea”).• Use direct eye contact (a means of being equal).• Use assertive body language (another means of being equal).

Best Benefits of Assertiveness

The best benefit of assertiveness is not claiming victimization (poor me syndrome).

In essence, you are trading the role of victim for empowerment.