Self-CareSelf-CareHealthy Boundaries and Healthy Healthy Boundaries and Healthy

RelationshipsRelationships

Presented by Bob and Celia Munson, Bukal Life Care & Counseling Center

TerminologyTerminology

Boundary: “Your personal property line”-- who you are, where you end, and others begin.

Confrontation: Set a boundary that works when one is honest and when one establishes a consequence for another's hurtful actions.

Good BoundariesGood Boundaries"You shall not move your neighbor's boundary mark,

which the ancestors have set, in your inheritance which you will inherit in the land that the LORD your God gives you to possess.” -Deut 19:14

-God Given (ex. I Chron. 4:9-10)

-Protects you AND others

-Is not just walls, but also gates

-Welcomes and keeps the good

-Keeps out the bad

-Are not selfish

Boundaries are not selfish?Boundaries are not selfish?

Is it okay to set boundaries with family? Is it okay to set boundaries with my

church? Is it okay to set boundaries with my work

or ministry? Is it okay to set boundaries with my friends

/ barkada? Is it okay to set boundaries with God?

God is the one who created you God is the one who created you with limitations of strength, with limitations of strength,

health, energy, and time. God also health, energy, and time. God also has given us a limited role in His has given us a limited role in His

KingdomKingdom

Situations Where We Need to Set Situations Where We Need to Set BoundariesBoundaries

Dealing with a difficult person in a relationship (abuser, manipulator, controller, irresponsible)

Figuring out when to say “No” so as not to overextend oneself

Working out better patterns of intimacy and relatedness in a good relationship

Taking a stand for one's values in a relationship Preventing someone from taking over one's

time, energy, or resources--- more than one wants to give. (moving your boundary marker)

When might one need to confront When might one need to confront to maintain a boundary?to maintain a boundary?

To Preserve love Prov. 27:6 To Resolve alienation (bring disconnected

people together) To Empower, build each other up (I Thess

5:11) To Solve problems (No pain no gain,

applies. Unresolved problems become worse)

Self-Care is more than simply Self-Care is more than simply having healthy boundarieshaving healthy boundaries

God created us with the need for healthy relationships

God created us to have heathy growth God created us to be “integrated beings”

– Not hypocrites– Not “whited sepulchres”– Not double-minded

Healthy (integrated) RelationshipsHealthy (integrated) Relationships

Healthy relationships with Others (Social health)

Healthy relationship with Self (Mental and Emotional health)

Healthy relationships with our Environment (Physical Bodies and Nature)

Healthy relationship with God (Spiritual Health)

Healthy (Integrated) GrowthHealthy (Integrated) Growth

“And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” -Luke 2:52

Wisdom MENTAL GROWTH

Stature PHYSICAL GROWTH

Favor with God SPIRITUAL GROWTH

Favor with Man SOCIAL GROWTH

Questions:Questions:

Is it correct that the church should only concern itself with spiritual health and spiritual growth?

What happens if a church is full of people with bad relationships with others and where people overstep each other's boundaries?

If people are unhealthy and not-growing in other areas, will that affect spiritual growth and health?

Integrated BeingIntegrated Being

-Thinking (our “head”)

-Feeling/Valuing (our “heart”)

-Doing (our “hands”)

Integrated LearningIntegrated Learning

Integration and Shema (Deut. 6:4-9)

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Integrated Goals

Feelings: Love the Lord God with all your heart,

Thinking: With all of your soul/mind,

Doing: And with all of your strength/might

Integrated Training

Auditory/Hearing: “Hear, O Israel”, Talk about them.

Visual/Seeing: Visual symbols, Write them down.

Kinesthetic/Doing: Impress them, tie them, bind them, when sitting/walking

Integrated Changes

Feeling: Feel and Express Love

Thinking: Memorize God's word/commands

Doing: Obey God's commands

And.... pass these onto the next generation.

Integrated health and growth has a goal

Self-care is a balance of integrated health, growth, and boundaries

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, -Philippians 2:1-5

<Look at this passage for thoughts on Right Thinking, Right Feeling, Right Actions, and Right Boundaries>

More Info

Consider Reading “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend.

Also look up materials regardingregarding Healthy Growth, such as those developed by CHE, from Lifewind International. www.medicalambassadors.org

Some areas in this presentation are further developed in other materials from Bukal Life Care. www.bukallife.org

Self-CareSelf-CareHealthy Boundaries and Healthy Healthy Boundaries and Healthy

RelationshipsRelationships

Presented by Bob and Celia Munson, Bukal Life Care & Counseling Center