Kelli McCarthy

HE-120-OL

Chapter 14: Considering Parenting

How do you know if you are making the right choice?

CHOICES ABOUT MOTHERHOOD

In the past:Almost all women who were fertile had children because of the lack of effective birth control, along with societal expectations.

Today:It is now possible for more females to control whether, with

whom, and when to have children. This is because of access to birth control, adoption, legal abortion, and reproductive

technologies.

PARENTINGOnly you can

decide if and when you are ready. The right time to have a child is different

for everyone. Parenting is a

lifelong commitment.

THINKING ABOUT THE QUESTION

Positives: Children can bring joy and complexity into our

lives. As they grow and change, parents grow and

change with them. It can be wonderful sharing activities, stories, and

places with the children. Children can challenge and inspire us to make the

world a better place. Children give us a way to be part of the continuity

of life.

THINKING ABOUT THE QUESTION

Negatives: Being a parent involves

exchanging spontaneity and relative control of everyday life for: A huge responsibility Complicated schedules Relative chaos

Juggling your needs and dreams alongside the needs and demands of a child can be a challenge.

You may develop a fear of bringing a child into a troubled world or want to pursue dreams incompatible with child rearing.

Child-free can mean more personal freedom and more time, money, and energy.

THINKING ABOUT THE QUESTIONCREATES MORE QUESTIONS!

“Does my job give me financial stability?” “Do I have a stable household?” “Is my partner or any other household member abusive in anyway?” “Are alcohol and drugs going to interfere with parenting?” “Are there family medical problems that might be passed on genetically?” “Do I have parenting skills, or am I eager to learn them?” “How will I juggle work and childcare?” “If I am single, how would having a child affect any new intimate

relationships?” “Do I have adequate health care insurance and accessible health care?” “What will the financial costs be?” “What kinds of values would I want to encourage in my child?” “What kind of community would I want to raise children in?” “Would I have support if I or my child develop a disability?” “Am I ready to prepare a child to deal with difficulties in life such as racism,

sexism, etc.?” “Am I too young?”

THE QUESTION

The choice that you make is also influenced by your family, your community, your culture, and the society in which you live in.

You must consider the amount of involvement in child rearing in which you would want to have before making the decision and you would also want to evaluate your emotional sources.

“Would one of you stay home with the baby?” “Are there caring people around you to help you keep your perspective,

your temper, your sense of humor, and your sanity?” “Would you find childcare?” “Is there a mother or mother figure you can turn to for advice, support and

resources?”

INFLUENCES ON YOUR CHOICE

Avoiding a conscious decision. Giving into pressure from family members or

peers. Letting your partner decide for you. Thinking your partner will change.

Thinking it’s a decision between no children or two children.

Making the decision without knowing what children are really like.

Worrying that you wont be a good parent.

MAKING THE DECISIONIS YOUR DECISION NO? The societal and familial pressures on women to have

children can be intense because our culture sees having children as an intrinsic part of being a woman, and many people assume that a woman cannot be truly fulfilled if she doesn’t have a child.

When your decision is no, it is known that many of you are often judged as selfish.

If your decision is no and you struggle with that, it is helpful to join a support group or find other ways to connect with people who support and validate your choice.

MAKING THE DECISIONIS YOUR DECISION YES?

“In becoming parents, we embark on a transformative journey. Welcoming children into our

lives brings moments of elation, fear, grief, frustration, and joy.”

The next step after you choose yes, is to consider the different paths because there are several that you can take to parenthood.

PATHS TO PARENTHOOD

Some options of paths to parenthood are: Conceiving and bearing a child

Adopting Caring for a foster child

TRYING TO CONCEIVE Charting your menstrual cycle is one way to learn

about fertility signals and optimize your chance of getting pregnant.

It is said that it is best to visit your doctor before you begin trying to get pregnant so that they can help you learn about how to best prepare for pregnancy.

DOCTORS WILL………

Learn about your past pregnancies and births, take a family history, and examine you to assess for potential problems during pregnancy.

Identify ways to help you manage current medical conditions and avoid pregnancy complications.

Review all medications you are taking and recommend changes, if necessary. Learn whether you are a good candidate for genetic screening tests. Offer any immunizations you need that cannot be given during pregnancy. Recommend that you start taking folic acid supplements a few months before

you start trying to conceive. Offer support and help for substance abuse, such as smoking cessation

and/or alcohol or drug abuse. Identify any unsafe environmental exposures you can reduce or eliminate

during pregnancy.

ADOPTION“Adoption is another way to create or extend

families.”

Adoption can happen because you are unable to conceive, or you may have a medical condition that would make pregnancy and childbirth unsafe. And

some women simply prefer not to become pregnancy or choose adoption over giving birth out of concern

for children who need loving families.

ADOPTION It entails logistical, emotional, and financial

challenges. You have to consider the finances involved

along with the emotions and relationships because it can be an emotional journey.

Things to think about: “How would you feel about having and maintaining contact

with your child’s birth parents?” “Would you want to have a child who resembles you as

much as possible, or would you embrace a child of another race or ethnicity?”

“Do you want to adopt a newborn baby or an older infant or child?”

“Are you willing to welcome a child with medical or emotional challenges?”

“Are you open to parenting any child you are able to adopt?”

“I am not interested in having

children at all… Fortunately I

am with someone who also

doesn’t want to have children.

We talk about the social

pressures put upon us and the

judgments we encounter, and

how relaxing it is to be in a

relationship with someone

who shares the position of not

wanting to have children.”

“I still debate whether or not I want to have

children. Some of the reasons relate to

whether or not I really want to dedicate that much of my life to

children at the sacrifice of personal pursuits

versus whether or not I think I will regret it or

feel lonely one day for not making that choice.”“My husband and I batted the idea of children around for a while.

There are enough reasons to have them as there are to not have them. Every other milestone in our relationship seemed to take a

while, but when we decided to have a child, we just closed our eyes and jumped. If we’d have deliberated on children as long as we did

our other decisions, we’d never have a kid!”

“I had a child at forty-six. Before that, although I loved being with other people’s children, anytime something went wrong

and the child irritated me, I would think to myself, How could I ever stand the full-time responsibility of being a mother? Somehow, becoming a mother changed that. There is an

intangible, indescribable bond intrinsic to the relationship that in the long run transcends the petty everyday irritating

occurrences.”

“The time between finding out you cannot or should not have a pregnancy and deciding to follow a few dream is the saddest time. In life there are no guarantees, but if you go with an

adoption agency with a good reputation, you can be almost certain you will become a parent. And once you make the decision, it is as if a rainbow

appears. We call this our paper pregnancy, a child born in our hearts. Instead of running out of stores

at the sight of a pregnant woman and avoiding the baby-product aisle at the market. I smile, hold

my head up. I am on cloud nine.”

FACEBOOK DISCUSSION QUESTION:

After reviewing the information from this chapter,

what do you now believe is the most challenging aspect of

considering parenting?