mindful self- compassion - one heart coachwhat self-compassion is not pityparty forwimps selfish...

Mindful Self-Compassion

& The Coaching Process

One Heart Coaching, LLC

Outline of Presentation

1. What is Self-Compassion

2. What Self-Compassion is Not

3. Physiology of Self-Compassion

4. Yin & Yang of Self-Compassion

5. Presence & Mindfulness

6. Self-Compassion and Goals

7. Letting Go Of Resistance

8. Compassion & Coaching Process

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What is Self-Compassion

Mindfulness

Self Kindness

Common Humanity

“Loving Connected Presence”

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STAGES OF SELF-COMPASSION

(Doubts about the ability to be self-compassionate? Good sign! Making progress!)

• STRIVING

• DISILLUSIONMENT

• RADICAL ACCEPTANCE (Refinement of Intention)

“COMPASSIONATE DISORDER”

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HEART

CONNECT

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

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NOW

What Self-Compassion Is Not

▪ Pity Party

▪ For Wimps

▪ Selfish

▪ Lazy

▪ Making excuses

▪ Goal to be Achieved

▪ Accepted by Society In General

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The Physiology Of Self-Compassion

Inner Critic: Reptilian Brain (Fight , Flight, Freeze) & Amygdala

Threat to Self Image Evolutionary process to

Mammalian Care System (Oxytocin activated & Endorphins)

Presence & integration of brain* Gentle Touch SoothingVoice

* Dan Siegel M.D. Aware: The Science & Practice of Presence

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Physiology (continued)

Stress Response: Inner Stress Self-Compassion

Fight Self-Criticism Self- Kindness

Flight Isolation Common Humanity

Freeze Rumination Mindfulness & Presence

“Our task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find

all the barriers within yourself that have been built

against it ” RUMI

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The Yin & Yang Of Self-Compassion

Yin: “Being with” ourselves in a compassionate way

Comforting- Self-CompassionBreak!

Soothing- Soothing Touch

Validating- Labeling Emotions

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Yang of Self-Compassion

Yang- “Acting” In the World

Protecting- Fierce CompassionFeeling the Soles Of Feet With Equanimity

Providing- Fulfil our Emotional Needs Meeting Unmet Needs

Motivating- Finding YourCompassionate VoiceLiving with a Vow Compassionate Letter to Self

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Presence & Mindfulness

Foundation For Self-Compassion:Becoming Curious & Friendly with the Present

Moment.

Sense Perceptions

Inner Body

No Adequate Definition of Mindfulness- Non Conceptual:

Bridge into Non judgmental awareness in the Present Moment with Radical Acceptance.

Gateway To “Being”

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Mindfulness & GoalsGoals: Big Part Of Life

Benefits:

Determine Direction

Increase Motivation

Build Self-Efficacy

Enhance Focus

Pitfalls:

An excess focus on goals can have a paradoxical effect: Rather than getting closer to the goal, we find ourselves moving away from it.

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Focus attention in the Now

GOAL RELATED PITFALLS:

NOW

Future

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Less attention in the Now

2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS

Now

Future

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Shadow- Fear & Worry

2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS

A lot of attention for goals means that we

spend a great amount of time in our head:

thinking.

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Fear and Worry

Neutral/positive thoughts:

✓“what is on my to-do list?”

✓“if I manage to…I can…”

✓“when shall I finish…?”

2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS

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Shadow- Fear and Worry

Negative thoughts:

✓“What if I don’t succeed?”

✓“I am not sure if everything will work out fine.”

✓“I cannot permit myself to fail.”

2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS

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NON-ALIGNMENT

2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS

Many goals are set because we believe that achieving them will make us happier

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The Future that Never Arrives

▪ overestimating the anticipated impact of future events (impact bias)

▪ we get used to what we achieve (hedonic adaption)

▪ short-lived happiness

2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS

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INTEGRATION

▪ undivided attention for the action in this

moment

▪ less frustrated by gap between now and

goal

▪ less distracted by (negative) thoughts

.MINDFULNESS & GOALS

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LETTING GO OF RESISTANCE(This shouldn’t be happening)

▪ FEAR = False Expectations Appearing Real

▪ fear = the thought we are not going to have something we think we need

▪ you can never win from fearful thoughts

Backdraft- old pain that may arise when we give ourselves self-compassion.When we open the door to our heart- the fresh air of compassion comes in and the old pain and Fear is likely to come out. (This is Expected & The Beginning of Healing.)

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LETTING GO OF RESISTANCE

▪ fear = a thought about the future = no reality/truth

▪ recognize fear and turn back to the present moment

MINDFULNESS & GOALS

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More Gratitude

▪ pay attention to what is VS always looking ahead

▪ satisfaction in the now VS goal attainment satisfaction

▪ more attention for the way to the goal: easier to see what life has to offer

. MINDFULNESS & GOALS

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MINDFUL SELF-COMPASSION

PRESENCE

LOVING KINDNESS

COMMON HUMANITY

ONENESS

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Self-Compassion & Coaching Process

Integrating and naming practice

Requests

Accountability

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Thank You!

References:

Kristin Neff Ph.D. & Christopher Germer Ph.D, The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook

Contact Information:One Heart Coaching, LLCGeorge Marino, CPC(212) 714-3561george@oneheartcoach.comwww.oneheartcoach.com

One Heart Coaching, LLC