coun 407, final present, 4 27

Life After Loss of a Life After Loss of a Partner…Partner…Life After Loss of a Life After Loss of a Partner…Partner… Preventing

Emotional Disconnect for Midlife Women Experiencing Partner Loss…

Jen Gargrave

Nancy McGinnis

April 27, 2006

Urgent Call to Disconnect

The Enemy Is IsolationThe Enemy Is IsolationThe Enemy Is IsolationThe Enemy Is Isolation

Life Becomes Unbalanced, Resourceless, Stuck.

Why?

THE FIVE STAGES OF THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEFGRIEF

(Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D.)  

THE FIVE STAGES OF THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEFGRIEF

(Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D.)  

•Denial and Isolation

•Anger

•Bargaining

•Depression

•Acceptance

Our Goal: Meeting These Needs;

4 Tasks of Mourning4 Tasks of MourningJ. William WordenJ. William Worden

4 Tasks of Mourning4 Tasks of MourningJ. William WordenJ. William Worden

To accept the reality of the

loss

Experience the pain of the

loss

Adjust to the new

environment without the

lost object

Reinvest in the new reality

TT

EE

AA

RR

Needs AssessmentNeeds Assessment

2. Survey for Client Readiness

1. Survey for Type of Loss:

AnticipationDisconnectLoss of Loved OnePartner Loss

3. Survey for Challenges Faced Due to Losses

Life After Loss of Partner Your assistance is requested to help two graduate students of counseling to develop a group therapy program addressing grieving and loss in general, as well as the delicate subject of partner loss. We are surveying for both readiness to actively participate, as well as the appropriate emotional content of our program. Sharing your life experience would help us immensely. Any sense of relationship loss (friends, family, partners) is applicable to the following surveys, ranging from anticipating break-ups and illness progression, to experiencing separation, divorce, and death of a spouse. Please check the appropriate responses below. READINESS SURVEY YES NO NEUTRAL

1. I have recently been dealing with anticipating the loss of a friend or family member.

2. I have cut off ties with a loved one due to un-reconciled disagreements or behavior. -If answering Yes, how long has the separation lasted?

3. I have experienced the loss of a friend/family member due to debilitating illness, and/or death. -If answering Yes, indicate how long ago.

4. I have recently been dealing with anticipating the loss of my life partner.

5. I have experienced the loss of my life partner due to a major break-up, separation or divorce. -If answering Yes, indicate how long ago.

6. I have experienced the loss of my life partner due to debilitating illness, and/or death. -If answering Yes, indicate how long ago.

7. There is a gap in processing where I stand now and where I wish to be about loss.

8. I am willing to try on different perspectives in my life, even if I’m not sure they will work.

9. I’m currently committed to spending the necessary time and/or money to address the impact of grieving and resolving my sense of this loss.

10. I believe I am fully responsible for my life.

11. I have, or am ready to create a support system in my life.

Anticipation:

Disconnect:

Loss of Loved One: Partner Loss:

Result AnalysisResult Analysis

Surveys for Type of Loss:

Total Response Rate:

25 of 40= 62%25 of 40= 62%

2 YES responses of 2 YES responses of 44

3 YES responses 3 YES responses

of 25of 25 6 YES responses of 256 YES responses of 25

15 YES responses of 2515 YES responses of 25

Result Analysis:Result Analysis:Client Readiness:

#7. Seeking answers: 12 Yes of 12 Yes of 2525

#8. Change of perspective: 16 16 Yes of 25Yes of 25

#9. Committed to work on it: 6 6 Yes of 25Yes of 25

#10. Responsible for self: 22 22 Yes of 25Yes of 25

#11. Seeking support system: 21 21 Yes of 25Yes of 25

Survey #1

10%

62%

14%

52%

57%

19%

86%

81%

86%

38%

81%

29%

14%

33%

10%

10%

5%

0%

5%

19%

29%

48%

5%

10%

0% 10% 20% 30% 40% 50% 60% 70% 80% 90% 100%

#1 (1&4) ANTICIPATING life partner loss

#2 (5) LOSS: separation/Divorce

#3 (3&6) LOSS: illness/death

#4 (7) GAP: seeking answers

#5 (8) Change of PERSPECTIVE

#6 (9) COMMITTED to work on it

#7 (10) RESPONSIBLE for self

#8 (11) Seeking SUPPORT system

YES

NO

Neutral

Life After Loss of Partner: Please rate the meaningfulness of the following statements: INTEREST/NEEDS SURVEY

Challenges I face due to my losses:

1 DOES NOT APPLY

2 SELDOM CHALLENGING

3 SOMETIMES CHALLENGING

4 OFTEN CHALLENGING

5 CONSTANTLY CHALLENGING

Overall Stress

Sadness

Loneliness

Lack of Inner Strength

Resolve and Relief

Anger

Resentment

Abandonment

Betrayal

Forgiveness of Partner

Forgiveness of Self

Prioritizing My New Needs

Self Image

Addressing My Family’s New Needs

Changing Parenting Style

Emotional Stability

Financial Stability

Disbelief in My Ability to Proceed

Other: (Please Fill In)

Interest & Needs Survey

12%8%12%

16%24%

12%20%

36%56%

24%16%16%

12%28%

52%8%

20%36%

16%36%28%

40%40%

32%36%

28%16%

32%28%

16%32%

24%28%

24%4%

32%

24%44%

40%28%

28%32%

32%16%

16%20%

32%36%

28%32%

16%52%

20%24%

32%4%

16%16%

8%8%

4%12%

4%8%

20%24%

28%8%

0%4%

36%4%

16%8%

4%0%0%

16%8%8%8%

16%4%

8%0%

8%4%

12%20%

4%

0% 10% 20% 30% 40% 50% 60% 70% 80% 90% 100%

Overall STRESS, (1)

LONELINESS, (1)

RESOLVE & RELIEF, (5)

RESENTMENT, (2)

BETRAYAL, (2)

FORGIVENESS of SELF, (3&5)

SELF IMAGE, ( 4)

CHANGING Parenting Style, (5)

FINANCIAL Stability, (4)

OTHER

Ch

alen

ges

1 DNA

2 SELDOM

3 SOME.

4 OFTEN

5 CONST.

Emotional Stability:Emotional Stability: Sometimes52%52%

Sadness:Sadness: Sometimes44%44%

Loneliness:Loneliness: Sometimes40%40%

Stress, & Self Image:Stress, & Self Image: Often 32%, 32%, & 28%28%

Financial Stability:Financial Stability: 36%36% Often, 20%20% Constantly

Betrayal:Betrayal: Does NOT apply56%56%

Responses for Challenges Faced:

Result Analysis: InterestResult Analysis: Interest

Issues of Isolation & Denial:

ChallengesChallenges

LonelinessOverall stress

Sadness

Prioritizing new needsAddressing family’s new needs

ChallengesChallenges

Issues of Acceptance:

Acceptance requires forgivingChanging parenting styleEmotional stability

Financial instability

ChallengesChallenges

Issues of Depression:

SadnessLack of inner strength

Disbelief in ability to proceedSelf image

ChallengesChallenges

Issues of Anger:

Expression & RepressionResentment

Abandonment

Betrayal

Challenges Challenges

Issues of Bargaining:

Forgiveness of partnerForgiveness of self

Reforming sense of

inner strength

Resolve and relief

Gap Analysis: Gap Analysis: Phoenix Project:Phoenix Project:

•“Container” concept: insular group, maximizes experience, allows emotional safety.

•Consultants for bodywork, energy healing, art & dance therapy, anger therapy, are cohorts.

12 week Individual & group therapy

•Creative projects, & rituals trigger deep unresolved issues.

•Public presentation at “graduation”.

Gap to fill: Gap to fill: Phoenix ProjectPhoenix Project

•Patriarchal approach.

•Time & money investment is prohibitive.

•“Container” concept: Very insular, too intense.

•Expects high level of self awareness.

Main Barriers to Using this Program

Gap Analysis: Gap Analysis: Loss of Loss of PartnerPartner

Feminist Approach

Major Differences:

Brief & Affordable

Breaks Through Isolation

Builds Awareness Realistically

Self image work

Coping Skills

Support/Networking in Community

Partner Loss Program Format:Partner Loss Program Format:6 week Group Therapy:Wk 1: Intro, Issues of Isolation & Denial

Wk 2: Issues of Acceptance

Wk 3: Issues of Depression

Wk 4: Issues of Anger

Wk 5: Issues of Bargaining, Client Evaluation

Wk 6: Feedback, Resolution, Closure Celebration

Life After Loss of a Life After Loss of a PartnerPartner

Humor as a tool to battle depression/stress

Remake self from the inside out

Self Image WorkSelf Image Work

Depression Issues: Depression Issues: PreviewPreview

Retail Therapy

Shoe Therapy

Make-Overs

Group Consultation

Life After Loss of a Life After Loss of a PartnerPartner

Rewrite the internal scripts with humor:

Acceptance & Acceptance & Bargaining:Bargaining:

Forgiveness WorkForgiveness Work

Journaling

Narrative therapy

Role Playing

Garden Therapy

“Clipping” Meditation

DIRECT:

Educational programs:

Midlife issue focus

Emotional wellness

Family healing

Group Counseling

Individual Counseling

Career Counseling

Financial Counseling

Community Services: Client Community Services: Client Services:Services:

Outreach Programs:

Grief and Loss

Creativity Coaching

INDIRECT:Women’s advocacy:

Social policies for midlife

Community Services: Client Community Services: Client Services:Services:

NetworkingConsultation Referrals:

Community Agencies Health Care Professionals

Community awareness: Self Help Groups

Focus Study Groups:

Identify evolving social needs

Self Assessment:Self Assessment:Distribute/Discuss Response Form

Review Expectations

Review Results of Feedback

Contact Group participants at the 3 month and 6 month markers.

Evaluate Growth and Improvement Areas

ConclusionConclusionIsolation Broken

Burden is Lighter

Future Brightens

Sources: Sources: LiteratureCoryell, D. M., (2003-2006). GOOD GRIEF: Healing Through the Shadow of Loss, http://www.griefcounselor.org/

Kubler-Ross, E.  On Death and Dying.  Scribner (1969) New York.

Miller J., (May 1993). Healing Our Losses: A Journal for Working Through Your Grief .

The Phoenix Project, http://kristo.com/Phoenix/Phoenix.htmlTLC Group, Dallas Texas,(1997). Beware the 5 Stages of "Grief” , http://www.counselingforloss.com/article8.htm

J. William Worden's Four Tasks of Grief Model:

http://www.thenewsongcenter.org/fourtasks.php, also http://www.vitas.com/bereavement/providers1.asp

Worden, J.W. (1991). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner, 2nd edition. New York: Springer.

SourcesSourcesPhotography/Artwork:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v248/Tildblog/flaminganger.png

www.misplaced.co.uk/uglybusiness/buffy.php

www.banderasnews.com

spiritwellreiki.com

www.yogahealth.us

http://www.heswallphotosoc.co.uk/images/Isolation.jpg

www.midlifeandmenopause.co.uk/

www.istockphoto.com