conversations of consequence

Intense Emotion

Conflicting Opinions

High Stakes+ +

Biology Unprepared Under pressure Emotional flooding Regress to poor

coping

The only message that matters,

is the one the person hears.

What we say is not what we really mean or feel.

Hostility Silence = the freeze out Withdraw = the retreat Sarcasm Innuendo Withering look Discredit the other

person Martyrdom Blame

Attempts at persuasion so we can get our way!

Our story about intention is based on the impact the conversation is having. How it is making me feel? What can I do to defend myself?

Statement Our Explanation Feeling

or CHAOS

Sender’sImplicit“Hidden”Message

Receiver’sInterpretation“What I hear is…”

History TogetherUnspoken assumptions

Explicit Message“Just the Facts”

Statement

Our historyOur feelings about our selfOur self-imageOur assumptionsOur attributions or understanding of

intent

Purpose What do I really want for me, them, us? Establish a mutual purpose.

Assumptions Is it REALLY true? Do I know this for sure? Am I biased?

Safety React to the loss of safety NOT the response

itself. Do they trust my motives and know I care? State what you didn’t want to do and what you

value.

ListenCuriosity

Seek to share, understand, explore, and discover

And It is not ‘either’ ‘or’, it is ‘and’.

Feelings Focus on and address the feelings!

…..THIS TIME IT REALLY IS ABOUT YOU?