b draft 4 ideas for revising
Post on 03-Apr-2018
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7/28/2019 B Draft 4 Ideas for Revising
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Name of Poet: __________________
Ideas for Revising
Say a student wrote a poem but was stuck on the
idea of rhyming every line with a poem that went
something like this:
The lawn has flowersthat look like towersthey are getting mowedthen they are towedthe blade is sourwith all its powerthe flower must cowerwith the smell of gas
and the mower coming past
This poem has a lot of interesting ideas in it: a
cowardly flower that doesnt want to grow because
it will get mowed. Blowing grass. The sour blade of
a lawn mower. However, because the poets are
very focused on rhyming each line, its not easy to
understand what theyre trying to talk about in the
poem.
Dandelions are like towersover the grass
The yellow head cowerswith the smell of gasIt lives in fear of the mowercoming to pass
The blade is sour
I started to write about just regular flowers but then
I thought about what kind of flower would be afraid
of a mower, so I changed it to a more specific
flower.
Then I wondered what would happen if I took all thesame ideas in the poem but didnt try to rhyme at
all
FIRST DRAFT
Weed is such anunfair nameThis soft delicious yellow I
showMy soft spongypetalsTouching your cheekDont you love that?Doesnt it fill youWith the promiseof summer?Yet every week its the sameThe horrid shriek
Of whirring bladesRevving engineThe mower comes
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7/28/2019 B Draft 4 Ideas for Revising
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SECOND DRAFT
Weed is such an unfair namefor my delicious yellow
Dont my soft spongy petalscaressing your cheekfill you with the promiseof summer?
Yet every week its the same
The horrid shriekof whirring bladesrevving engine
The mower plows
THIRD DRAFT
Dandelions Lament
Weed is such an unfair name
for my delicious yellow
My soft spongy petalscaress your cheek
A glimpse of this bright bloomfills you with the promise of summer
Yet every week its the same
The horrid shriekof whirring bladesof revving engineof putrid exhaust
The mower plows
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