7/28/2019 B Draft 4 Ideas for Revising

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Name of Poet: __________________

Ideas for Revising

Say a student wrote a poem but was stuck on the

idea of rhyming every line with a poem that went

something like this:

The lawn has flowersthat look like towersthey are getting mowedthen they are towedthe blade is sourwith all its powerthe flower must cowerwith the smell of gas

and the mower coming past

This poem has a lot of interesting ideas in it: a

cowardly flower that doesnt want to grow because

it will get mowed. Blowing grass. The sour blade of

a lawn mower. However, because the poets are

very focused on rhyming each line, its not easy to

understand what theyre trying to talk about in the

poem.

Dandelions are like towersover the grass

The yellow head cowerswith the smell of gasIt lives in fear of the mowercoming to pass

The blade is sour

I started to write about just regular flowers but then

I thought about what kind of flower would be afraid

of a mower, so I changed it to a more specific

flower.

Then I wondered what would happen if I took all thesame ideas in the poem but didnt try to rhyme at

all

FIRST DRAFT

Weed is such anunfair nameThis soft delicious yellow I

showMy soft spongypetalsTouching your cheekDont you love that?Doesnt it fill youWith the promiseof summer?Yet every week its the sameThe horrid shriek

Of whirring bladesRevving engineThe mower comes

7/28/2019 B Draft 4 Ideas for Revising

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SECOND DRAFT

Weed is such an unfair namefor my delicious yellow

Dont my soft spongy petalscaressing your cheekfill you with the promiseof summer?

Yet every week its the same

The horrid shriekof whirring bladesrevving engine

The mower plows

THIRD DRAFT

Dandelions Lament

Weed is such an unfair name

for my delicious yellow

My soft spongy petalscaress your cheek

A glimpse of this bright bloomfills you with the promise of summer

Yet every week its the same

The horrid shriekof whirring bladesof revving engineof putrid exhaust

The mower plows