Revising Your Rough Draft

Yvonne 9410063Stella 9410065Miki 9410069

8a. Principles of revision 1. psychological ex. Every writer who wishes to write well must learn to revise his work. (sexist)

→ Every writer who wishes to write well must learn how to revise their work. (grammar)

2. mechanical Grammatical mistakes and poor word usage will

occur to you during revision process.

8a-1. Rereading your writing All revision is based on repeated rereading of the first draft. (three times)

8a-2. Revising the paper from biggest to smallest elements makes the act of revision methodical

would not lose the direction for paper

8b. Revising the opening paragraph opening paragraph-should draw in your reader

thesis-could not muddled or vague

ex. Nearing the diploma, most of college students still cannot be proficient in their writing; therefore many

professors are worrying about college students’

quality. On the other hand, college students have not enough ability to reading. Students should cultivate

habits to read in the usual time. (too many themes)

8b-1. Revising the introduction Opening paragraphs consist of two sections:

Introduction- making in the initial sentences

Thesis- the final sentences of the paragraph

Three strategies to boost the beginning of paper:

a. Use a quotation

b. Ask a question

c. Present an illustration

a. Use a quotationthe quotation should be applicable to the topicand lead naturally to your thesis

Ex. "The road to a friend's house is never long." These words are found in the Danish proverbs.The author told us when you face a trouble, friends will always give you help in that time.

b. Ask a question Allowing you to guide the discussion in exactly

the direction you want to go.

Ex. Would you ever try to lose weight by diet pills? Although many girls want a beautiful shape, pills let them have an unhealthy body. Actually, doing moderate exercise is beneficial to your health and it is also the best way to lose your weight.

c. Present an illustration Aptly chosen, the right anecdote or example can be an effective introduction for research paper.

Ex.

Even though Shrek is a beast that everyone stayed away from him, his kindnesses touched princess Flona finally in Disney’s movie. This example told us one’s inner beauty is more important than one’s seeming.

8b-2. Check that your paragraphs follow the sequence of topics in the thesis

The topic sentences of paragraphs must follow the

same sequence as the points of your thesis.Ex. Thesis: Studying abroad could enhance your foreign language’s ability, expand your view on everything and make many friends from other countries.

8b-3. Revising the body paragraphs Don’t make paragraphs too compact and dense

with details.

Ex. For Australian lovers of the Starbucks version of coffee, the morning Frappuccino will soon be that much

harder to find. It is shutting 600 stores in the United States. The post of chief operations officer will also be

eliminates to cut costs.

(too many information in one paragraph)

8b-4. Check paragraph transitions Check your paragraphs are truly coupled together

rather than simply sitting side by side.Ex. Addition- and then, also, moreover, besides…Comparison- similarly, in the same way, likewise…Contrast- but, otherwise, though, however…Time- then, later, at last, meanwhile, thereafter…Purpose- so that, for the purpose, to this end…Place- there, nearby, next to, on the other side…Result- so, therefore, as a result, consequently…

Revising sentences for variety and style

Variety – easy to distinguish and explain

Style – not easy to pinpoint

Monotonous:

Mr. Wang was born in a poor family. he only graduated from elementary school. He contributed his all life to motivate the economy of Taiwan. He donated a lot of money to help poor people. People regard him as an excellent enterpriser in Taiwan.

Varied:

Mr. Wang was born in a poor family. Although he only graduated from elementary school, he contributed his all life to motivate the economy of Taiwan. Besides, he donated a lot of money to help poor people. Therefore, people regard him as an excellent enterpriser in Taiwan.

How to write a successful sentence with appropriate length

Learn to juxtapose short and long sentences.

Benz is the brand of car. It comes from German. The price of car is very high. However, a lot of drivers who earn more money prefer to buy the ideal car and represent their social status.

Learn to subordinate

Coordinate:

I arrived at Heathrow airport, and the coach had already left.

Subordinate:

The coach had already left when I arrived at Heathrow airport.

Learn to use parallel constructionsNot parallel

The superstar sat in the car. Then she decided to get off the car. Later she went to the supermarket to buy food.

Parallel

The superstar sat in the car, decided to get off the car and went to the supermarket to buy food.

Revise sentences to use the active voiceActive Tom drives the car.Positive the car is driven by Tom.

Passive voiceTo make a writer’s contents seem to be a myth

To protect the person responsible from an action.ex: Two laws protecting illegal aliens were passed.

Passive

Who find UFO? When? How? According to investigations, many people have been confused by these news. Most information of UFO has been reported by medium, but it has been concluded by most experts today that those unreal news and pictures were produced in an artificial way.

Active

Who find UFO? When? How? According to investigations, these news have confused many people. Media has reported most information of UFO, but most experts today have concluded that people produced those unreal news and pictures in an artificial way.

To avoid sexism

The toilet was kept clean all day.

He or she kept the toilet clean all day.

Revise to use an appropriate point of view

First-person point of view

In my research I found that a lot of singers took drugs before performance because drugs can make their emotions become excited.

Objective point of view

research indicates that a lot of singers took drugs before performance because drugs can make their emotions become excited.

Should you ever use the first person point of view ( “i” or “we” ) in your research papers, and if so, when?

To use the first-person point of view to express your personal comments, judgments or experiences

Revise sexist language

Every racing driver should train his fitness everyday.

--to reflect the values and prejudice of a male- dominated society

--to make a sexist assumption

.

To use sex-neutral and pronouns

Racing drivers should train their fitness everyday.

Racing driver should train his or her fitness everyday.

Nonsexist pronoun, thon means “that one”

--- to be used to replace he or him when the person’s gender is not identified.

racing driver should train his fitness everyday.

racing driver should train thon fitness everyday.

Revising words-Diction

Diction: Chose a vocabulary to express

one’s opinion.

Revise diction for accuracy and exactness

Inexact—

Settling into a new culture can be very difficult. Although some “culture shock” is inevitable, there are many ways to make living abroad easier.

More exact—People move overseas to live, study or work for many different reasons. Although this can be a very positive experience there will often be difficulties to overcome. These problems might include getting used to living in a different culture, not knowing the language or simply missing friends and family.

Revise the overuse of phrases for subjects instead of single nouns

Ex: The opinion of the working group.

The working group's opinion.

The obvious effect of such a range of reference is to assure the audience of the author's range of learning and intellect.

The wide-ranging references in this talk assure the audience that the author is intelligent and well read.

Revise redundant expressions

Ex: It was an unexpected surprise when a

pair of baby twins was born at 12 midnight.

It was a surprise when twins were born at midnight.

Revise meaningless words and phrases

– The wound was of a serious nature.

(The wound was serious.)

– The rock is red in color.

(The rock is red.)

– We repeated the experiment again and again.

(We repeated the experiment.)

Revise snobbish diction

• NOT:

Pursuant to your request, enclosed you will find our quarterly report.

• Good:

As you asked, I have enclosed our quarterly report.

Rules for writers. Not

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

Wrong:

A student has the right to request a formal review of their grades.

Correct:

Students have the right to request a formal review of their grades.

2. Prepositions are not words to end

sentences with.

Not: I do what I want to.

RIGHT: I do what I want to do. /I do what I want.

3. Don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

Not: She was a pretty girl. And smart too.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Not: I plan really enjoy to the party.

5. Avoid clichés like the plague.

6. Avoid annoying alliteration.

Ex: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled

peppers.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

Not: John working extra hard on his

research paper lately.

11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t

be used.

NOT: I'm-I am

We've- we have

She'll- she will

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. Not: The opinion is passé.

13. Do not be redundant; it’s highly superfluous.

14.One should never generalize.

15. Don’t use no double negatives. NOT: They didn't hardly have enough food left.

Good: They hardly have enough food left.

16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

EX: i.e., e.g.

17.One-word sentences? Eliminate.

18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a

snake.

19. The passive voice should never be used.

20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. EX: "The Founders Bridge, which spans the Connecticut River, is falling down." 21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.22. Do not use exclamation points and all caps to emphasize. Ex: No, I do not want to go there. No! I don’t want to go there.

23. Use words correctly, regardless of how others use them. 24. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.25. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

Ex: to create possessives- the mayor’s car to show contractions- I’m to create some plural forms - the travelers’

26. Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million

can use it correctly.

27. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

28. Go around the barn at high noon to

avoid colloquialisms.

EX: Nuts meaning mad is a colloquialisms.

29. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

Ex: the dog pulled in its horns.

30. Who needs rhetorical questions? EX: You don't expect me to go along with that crazy scheme, do you?

31. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

32. Do not put statements in the negative form.

33. A writer must not shifty your point of view.

34. Place pronouns as close as possible, in long sentences of ten or more words to antecedents.

35. Dangling participles must be avoided. EX: Entering the room, the light was turned on. When he entered the room, the light was turned on.

36. If any words is improper at the end of a

sentence, a linking verb is.

37. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing

metaphors.

38. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

39. Be careful to use a singular pronoun with

singular nouns in their writing.

40. Always pick on the correct idiom.

41. The adverb always follows the verb.

Ex: She moved slowly and spoke quietly.

42. Be careful to use the rite homonym. EX: bear

43. Proofread carefully to see if you any words

out.