anger management - know & manager your anger

Anger Management

Compiled & presented byNayyer Abdul Rab

ITSD, ETISALAT Head OfficeMarch 14, 2007

What is Anger?• Fierce displeasure• Extreme Annoyance• Rage• Wrath etc.

What is Anger?

Feeling mad in response to frustration or injury and expressing oneself in an impulsive manner without thought.

And this is Anger too!!!

Anger! That double-edged power source.. it’s the high octane emotion for blazing performance and for

igniting a legitimate grievance. Yet, when it’s bottled up, we smolder away; when we erupt, it may engulf us. And when we are the target of a volatile flame thrower,

there will be scars. (Gorkin 1986).

Consequences Of Anger(as suggested by the participants on 14-March-

2007)• Damaged

relationships• Stress• Job loss• Accidents• Health issues• Physical attack• Landing in jail• Packed bags -> home• Irrational behaviour

• Make you lose rewards

• Loss of money• Loss of credibility• Loss of life• Insult

Consequences Of Anger (as suggested by the participants on 5-October-2005)

• Broken relationships• Self pity• Bad health• Loss of trust• Loss of jobs• Loss of respect• Physical health suffers• You may harm

someone else

• Land up in jail• You cool down• You regret• Stress

How frequent episodes of Anger turn into Attitude?

Something happens

We give meaning (+/-) 

We react 

Reaction becomes Habit 

Habit gradually becomes Attitude

Why people get Angry anyway?

• Justify oppressing others.• Elevate the low self-worth.• Hide and displace other feelings and emotions

(e.g. fear).

Types of Anger

Explicit ImplicitAggressive

Assaulting

Anger

Hurtful

Rebellious

Suppressed

Veiled

Types of Anger• Assaulting: Physical attack• Aggressive: Criticism, finding faults, speaking loud• Hurtful: Lying, stealing, gossiping, trouble making• Rebellious: Open defiance, refusal to talk, taking

authority• Veiled: Distrust, skepticism, jealousy, envy,• Suppressed (passive-aggressiveness): • Unresponsive, overly nice, always late,

victimized

The Anger Matrix

Purposeful Spontaneous

Constructive

Destructive

1

2

3

4

Assertiveness

Hostility

Suffering

Rage

When Do You Feel Angry? (Direct Causes)

• Someone around you doesn’t behave/work according to your expectations

• Someone disagrees with you in your views or criticizes you

• People don’t stand by their commitments• You are cheated by someone• If someone comes in your way of achieving

your goals • If you have been insulted etc.

When Do You Feel Angry? (Indirect Causes)

• Eating disorders (what you eat and how?)• Personal Organization• Reading Habits (what you read?)• Disturbed marital life (impotency or fragility)• Hunger• Other external factors like bad weather, traffic,

pollution, financial losses etc.

But who gets angry quickly???

People having weaker minds!!! Why ?

Because they don’t have strong control over their lower mind. Once the higher minds loses its control over the lower one, the lower mind reacts impulsively without understanding the situation and the facts!!

Physical changes taking place in the body when a

person is Angry• Adrenal gland starts secreting Adrenaline, the

stress hormone. This helps convert glycogen in the liver into blood to provide instant energy to the body.

• Breathing becomes faster to provide more oxygen to the body

• Heart starts beating faster to increase blood circulation

Physical changes taking place in the body when a

person is Angry• Blood vessels are dilated and blood pressure

increases• Digestion is shut down to divert blood to

skeleton muscles to provide them with more energy

• Mouth dries up as salivary glands reduce their secretion

• The activity of the immune system gets withdrawn temporarily

Prefrontal Lobe

Cortex

The diseases caused by frequent episodes of Anger

• Migraine & headaches• Digestive disorder, ulcers and gastritis• High blood pressure• Increase of cholesterol level of blood,

thickening and hardening of arteries• Diabetes• Arthritis & rheumatism• Muscular tightness and backaches• Weaker immune system

Three Stages of Anger• Thought • Feelings• Action

If the anger is to be controlled, this has to be done at the first stage. At later stages it is difficult to control the anger, if not impossible

Controlling the Anger(level 1)

• First and the foremost step is to understand if one is in the state of anger

• Change in posture• Drink water • Supplications• Ablution• Cold water treatment• Breathing exercises

Controlling the Anger(level 2)

• Reduce violent stimuli• Find & preempt the frustrating factors• Find company of sober and decent friends• Do not respond in violent/harsh words• Mild Exercises (e.g. a brisk walk)• Visualization (Relaxation)• Symptom Substitution Technique• Abdominal breathing

Explanation of Abdominal Breathing

Controlling the Anger(level 3)

• Realize the consequences• Forgiveness• Development of a strong vision• Reduce Expectations

Best examples to express your Anger!

• The face of the prophet (PBUH) would turn red when he felt angry. And he used to keep himself quite till the time he controlled his emotions.

• He would forgive the other person if it resulted in his personal displeasure only. But he used to deal with the matter seriously if he found the matter violating the timeless principles & values.

Self Introspection for control of Anger

• Why I became angry?• Was it really necessary to become angry?• What benefit was achieved by getting angry?

Self Introspection reveals that…

• Situation worsens if anger is replied with anger• The atmosphere gets polluted for further talks

or negotiations• The bad opinion of the other person is further

reinforced.

Self Introspection reveals that…

• Behavior of other people cannot be changed with showing anger

• Clarity of vision and goals saves from a lot of situations where one can get angry

• Understanding the fact that NOT everything is urgent and important

The Conquest of Anger

Conquest of Anger is different than repression. The former leaves no internal resentment, rage or irritation. Rather, there is a feeling of tolerance and forgiveness. But the repressed anger is more harmful in that it is pushed to subconscious mind and starts affecting the mental health

The Antilock Braking System (ABS)

The Antilock Braking System(ABS) helps to keep the vehicle in better control of the driver by NOT letting the wheels jam when brakes are applied

Benefits of Conquest of Anger

• Better ability to steer the situation (like ABS)

• Stability in relations with others• Better mental and physical health• Strong will power as the energy is

saved to be provided to other areas where it is really required.

Tackling the Anger of Others

• Apologize if there was really a mistake on your part.

• Listening• Problem Solving• Exercise time outs• Humor

Tackling the Anger of Others• First pants then shoes strategy: Do NOT

respond to the anger of the other person without making things worse by defending yourself. You can always defend yourself later.

Handling Repressed Anger

• Disclose your inner feelings to a trusted friend

• Write your feelings out. • Get into some physical activity/sports

How to avoid Anger Provoking Situations

• Maintain a high emotional bank account• Be proactive • Personal organization

References

• How to Control Anger by M. K. Gupta• Timelenders’ Strategic Time Management Workshop

(www.timelenders.com)• Success Training Workshop by Hussain Rangwala• www.selfhelpmagazine.com• www.stressdoc.com• www.goodcharacter.com• www.topcondition.com• www.realhope.com