after you say i do sermon12 feb2012

Marriage Week International

RELATIONSHIPs in Marriage

MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP 1 Cor 7:1-10 (Message Bible) 7 Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? 2 Certainly — but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. 3 The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality — the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.

1 Cor 7:1-10 (Message Bible) 4 Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 5 Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting — but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. 6 I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence — only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.

7 Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me — a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. 8 I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. 9 But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single. 10 And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master's command, not mine.

Intro on 1 Corinthians Chps 1-6 Teaching : Paul had been dealing with sins reportedly in the Corinthian church.

Chps 7-16 Application : Dealing with questions & situations – “Now about…”; “Concerning”

Marriage (7:1… )

Singleness (7:25..)

Food offered to idols (8:1….)

Spiritual Gifts (12:1..)

Resurrection of the dead (15:1…) &

Offering for the Jews (16:1…)

Intro on 1 Corinthians Reading 1 Corinthians 7, please keep in mind

The city of Corinth

• Temple of Aphrodite (Venus) :

Noted for Immorality …

Temple prostitutes …

• Greek concept : that Body/Flesh is “evil”

• Time of persecution for the Christians (v. 26).

Intro on 1 Corinthians

Corinthian Christians in the midst :

“Adoption” : It’s all OK (Chps 5 & 6)

“Reaction” : Abstinence (Chps 7)

• 1 Cor 7 - Paul is replying to definite questions, social situations & circumstances

• It is NOT A COMPLETE "theology of marriage" in one chapter

• Need to consider what the rest of the Bible has to say about this important subject

Special Mention 1 : 1 Cor 7:1 V1 : Now for the matters you wrote about: It is

good for a man not to marry…. V7 : I wish that all men were as I am… V8 : It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I

am…. Is Paul saying all to remain “single” & “not

marry” ? advocating “celibacy” for all ? Paul’s personal situation & circumstances … Consider Paul’s other letters … Eph, Col, Timothy, Titus …

1. PRACTICE of Marriage V2 It's GOOD for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband.

1. Marriage is GOOD.

Instituted by God

Part of God’s Divine Plan

Marriage relationships part of the Mosaic Law

Basis for society & community

1. PRACTICE of Marriage V2 It's good for A man to have A wife, and for A woman to have A husband.

2. Marriage is MONOGAMOUS

A man – A wife

A woman – A husband

Gen 2:24 & Matt 19:5 : Two become One…

God’s original design …

1. PRACTICE of Marriage V2 It's good for a MAN to have a WIFE, and for a WOMAN to have a HUSBAND.

3. Marriage is HETEROSEXUAL God made MAN (Gen 2:7) Not good for man to be alone

(Gen 2:18) God then made WOMAN as a

“helper” (Gen 2:22)

1. PRACTICE of Marriage V2 It's good for a MAN to have a WIFE, and for a WOMAN to have a HUSBAND.

3. Marriage is HETEROSEXUAL God’s Word is very clear – OT: Lev 18:22, Deut 23:17, NT: Rom 1, 1 Cor 6 … Homosexual relationship is not &

never part of God’s Design and Plan … The Church however need to help, not

just to judge & condemn…

1. PRACTICE of Marriage

1. Marriage is GOOD

2. Marriage is MONOGAMOUS

3. Marriage is

HETEROSEXUAL

This is God’s Plan & Design

2. Principles of Marriage V3 The marriage bed must be a place of MUTUALITY.. a. MUTUAL SATISFACTION Marriage is not about I, Me and Mine ! Marriage is about … Considering our spouse in all things … Considering our spouse at all times Satisfying the needs of our spouse …

BUT do we know how to “satisfy”? Do we even know what are

the needs of our spouse ??

2. Principles of Marriage a. Mutual Satisfaction

Love Language : Our primary way of expressing and interpreting love.

Do you know what’s your ‘Love Language’?

What’s your Spouse’s ‘Love Language’?

“For whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who have a different love language than their own!”

The 5 Lve Languages …

Words Of Affirmation

Quality Time

Receiving Gifts

Acts Of Service

Physical Touch

Practical Exercise : (Weekly Bulletin)

My Response to :

Set 1 ( ) Set 2 ( ) Set 3 ( )

My LOVE LANGUAGE is :

_______________________________

(If Applicable) My Spouse/Mate :

Set 1 ( ) Set 2 ( ) Set 3 ( )

Conclusion : _________________________

WHAT’S YOUR / LOVE LANGUAGE? Choose the ONE STATEMENT you (your spouse) PREFER from each of the 3 sets of examples below.

SET 1

A. My spouse’s love notes make me feel good

B. I love to be alone with him/her

C. Receiving special gifts from him/her makes me happy.

D. I feel loved when he/she helps me with my work.

E. I love his/her hugs

SET 2:

A. I like it when he/she tells me I look good.

B. I enjoy long trips with my spouse.

C. I look forward to seeing what he’ll/she’ll give me for my birthday.

D. I feel loved when he/she does the laundry

E. I love holding his/her hand.

WHAT’S YOUR / LOVE LANGUAGE?

SET 3:

A. His/Her reactions to my achievements are so encouraging.

B. I love having his/her full attention.

C. I know he/she really loves me when he/she surprises me with gifts.

D. It means a lot to me when he/she helps me with something I know he/she hates.

E. I love it when he/she sits close to me.

WHAT’S YOUR / LOVE LANGUAGE?

If you chose mostly ….

A’s: your love language is words of affirmation

B’s: your love language is quality time

C’s: your love language is receiving gifts

D’s: your love language is acts of service

E’s: your love language is physical touch

Why is this important ?

WHAT’S YOUR / LOVE LANGUAGE?

Communication Action To Do To Avoid..

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Receiving Gifts

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

Compliments Kind Words

Send Notes or Cards

Criticism, “Put-Downs”

1-1 Time Together

Long walks, Do things..

Long periods apart..

+ve, fact-orientated…

Gifts-special / spontanous

Forgetting special days!

‘I can’, ‘I will’, ‘What else..’

Help with chores

Only helping others!

Non-Verbal, Holding

hands, Hugs Physical neglect

Love Language

The Bible Is RIGHT ! “MARRIAGE DURABILITY INDEX”

• couples who last : ‘Putdown index’ 5/100

• couples who separate: ‘Putdown index’ 10/100

and gets worse with time…

5X+ cruel & negative comments at each other

"Hostile putdowns act as cancerous cells that, if unchecked, erode the relationship over time,“

Is it not written in Prov 18:21….

“The tongue has the power of life and death,…”

2. Principles of Marriage V4 Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights."

2. MUTUAL SUBMISSION No place to “lord it” over our

spouse A conscious decision to

“submit” to our spouse Exercising meekness in the

marriage relationship

2. Principles of Marriage : b. Mutual Submission

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is

the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…

2. Principles of Marriage V 4 “Marriage is a decision to serve the other,…”

3. MUTUAL SERVICE

Consider Jesus…

Mark 10:43-45

John 13:13-16

Phil 2:5-8

2. Principles of Marriage c. Mutual Service

2. Principles of Marriage : c. Mutual Service US Magazine made a survey on -

What is VERY IMPORTANT in a Marriage :

1. Communication 90% 2. Mutual Respect 82% 3. Doing things as a Couple 58% 4. Sex 32%

The survey also showed that those who grew up with parents who were happily married were more likely to be happily married themselves.

2. Principles of Marriage Mutual Satisfaction …. Mutual Submission …. Mutual Service ….

When you say “I DO” you have made …

A COMMITMENT “We are NOT committed to

someone because we love them, we love them because

we are COMMITTED to them.” Love comes from commitment.

3. PERMANENCE of Marriage

V10 : And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master's command, not mine. • Marriage is for Life • Must be the basis &

foundation for every Christian marriage

Hernan Cortes, a Spanish

Conquistador

3. Permanence of Marriage

What about “Cohabitation” or Trial” Marriages ?

Barna Research :

“statistics have shown that

co-habitation increases the

likelihood of divorce, ….”

Divorce ? Barna Research Reports :

“Christian & Non-Christian divorce

rates essentially the same”

3 P’s of Marriage 1. Practice of Marriage : Good,

Monogaous & Heterosexual

2. Principles of Marriage : Mutual

Satisfaction, Submission & Service

3. Permanence of Marriage.

CONCLUSION …

I. Rededicate our Hearts

to the LORD

•Renew our relationship with Jesus.

•Spend time daily ‘watering the garden of our soul’ with God’s word and prayer.

•Deepen our relationship with Him asking Him to help us become the person He meant us to be.

II. Rededicate our Marriage to the

LORD

•Our marriage is God ordained

•Consciously ensure God is in our marriage

•Renew our COMMITMENT to our spouse

Do you renew your vows to your spouse as your lawfully wedded wife/husband, to continue to live together in the Holy State of Matrimony? Will you continue to love her/him, comfort her/him, honour and keep her/him, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all other, continue to keep yourself only to her/him so long as you both shall live?

ANSWER : I DO

Renewing THE WEDDING PLEDGE

Renewing THE WEDDING VOWS I, (name), renew my commitment to you, (name of spouse) as my (wife/husband), to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance and to this end, I pledge you my faith.

III. Rededicate our Family to the LORD

•May the Lord have the place of honor in our family

•Consciously commit once again each of our children (? grand-children) unto the Lord

Marriage Moments offer short but poignant biblical

devotions, discussion points, scripture references

and practical ideas for couples to enjoy their

marriage.

John / Fee Ling

Conclusion One of the highest goals of

any marriage should be

to present each other before Christ as a

fragrant offering – pure and

spotless ….