90 - eric1. you and your roommate have divided up the chores. but your roommate isn't doing...

ED 348 569

TITLE

INSTITUTIONSPONS AGENCYPUB DATECONTRACTNOTEAVAILABLE FROM

PUB TYPE

EDRS PRICEDESCRIPTORS

DOCUMENT RESUME

CE 061 825

Skills for Dealing with Stress. Facilitator's SkillPackets 39-50. Social Skills Training.Model Classrooms, Bellevue, WA.Job Corps (DOL), Washington, DC.9099-0-4714-35-041-01134p.; For related documents, see CE 061 819-824.Model Classrooms, 4095 173rd Place, S.E., Bellevue,WA 98008.Guides Classroom Use - Teaching Guides (ForTeacher) (052)

MF01/PC06 Plus Postage.Failure; Friendship; *Interpersonal Competence; PeerInfluence; Persuasive Discourse; Speech Skills;Sportsmanship; Standard Spoken Usage; *StressManagement

IDENTIFIERS Job Corps

ABSTRACTThese facilitator's skill packets contain 12 units on

skills needed for dealing with stress: (1) making a complaint; (2)

answering a complaint; (3) sportsmanship after the game; (4) dealingwith embarrassment; (5) dealing with being left out; (6) standing upfor a friend; (7) responding to persuasion; (8) responding tofailure; (9) dealing with contradictory messages; (10) dealing withaccusation; (11) getting ready for a difficult conversation; and (12)dealing with group pressure. Each packet contains the followingsections: definition of skills for dealing with stress; objective;resources needed; using this skill packet; presentationsteps--activities, role playing, helpful hints,- reminders onsuccessful modeling and role playing; and a unit information sheet.There are seven presentation steps in each packet: (1) use an"attention-getting" activity; (2) introduce the skills; (3) describe

the basic steps for the skills; (4) model the skills; (5) havestudents role play the skills; (6) discuss how to use the skills ineveryday life; and (7) conclude the session. (NLA)

***********************************************************************Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be made

from the original document.***********************************************************************

V:4!

SKILLS FOR DEALING WITH STRESS

FACILITATOR'S SKILL PACKETS

39-50

SOCIAL SKILLS TRAINING

Job Corps

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATIONOt !tee of Eeocabonal Research and Improvement

E CAT1ONAL RESOURCES INFORMATIONCENTER IERICI

Tors document has been reproduced asreceived from the person or organuabononginatons mt

O Minor changes bee been made to .rnprovereproduction duality

Pomla ol new or opIn onsslated.nt n.s do cmen! do not necessarily represent ottic.atOERI postIvon or policy

BEST COPY AVAILAUE

c?4.(1<2

lob Co

Facilitator's Skill Packet

Skills for. DealingWith Stress

NUMBER 39

Making a Complaint

"When people cease to complain, theycease to think."

U.S. Department of Labor 4,

Napoleon I

er

Skills For Dealing With Stress

We all know about stress it's a major part of life. Foradolescents, stress often centers around defining who theyare and how they fit into the larger world. This set of skillscan help students decrease stress and increase effectivenessin their lives.

41,

....... ................ ................

ObjectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students expresscomplaints that are reasonable to the appropriate person in away that promotes resolution.

To Facilitate This Unit You Will Need:

1. Social Skills Student Handbook page for Skill 39. A copy ison the back cover of this packet. (Pass out one copy per student.)

2. To preview video tape #17 (description on page 4).

OR, if a video is not available or you do not choose to useit, then use one of the "Attention-Getting" activities that areexplained on page 4 of this packet.

3. A co-facilitator or student who is prepared to help youmodel the skill as described in Presentation Step 4.

Using this Skill PacketReview the Objective on the opposite page ( ).

L Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( ).

ual" Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.

1. Use an "Attention-Getting" activity.2. Introduce the skill.3. Describe the basic steps for the skill.4. Model the skill.5. Have students role play the skill.6. Discuss how to use the skill in everyday life.7. Conclude the session.

'' If you do not have copies of the Social Skills 'udent Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

ow If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

7Making a Complaint I 2

-Presentation eps

1. Use an "Attention-Getting" Activity:Show the video or use one of the Alternate Choices described on the opposite page. Yourpurpose is to get the students interested and to focus their attention on this skill. The activ-ity is an opportunity to have some fun!

Involve the students in a discussion of how this activity relates to the skill that you will bepresenting.

2. Introduce the Skill:

Everyone has times when they feel like complaining. Complaining can be good when youuse it to make positive changes about problems. It can also be a waste when you don't doanything except complain.

Complaining is an important way to express our feelings of dissatisfaction with somethingMore than that, though, we want to have what we complain about change. Focus yourattention and energy on the change you want to happen and you will see more clearly how omake your complaint effective.

If you are unhappy, you want to make a complaint that helps to make the change you desirecome about. That's why it's important to use self-control, to communicate clearly what youwant, and to think about how the other person might respond.

We respect the person who complains as part of making a change. We don't respect theperson who complains, but doesn't make any effort to deal actively with what the problem is.Be a winner, not a whiner.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Making a Complaint

a a MI6

VIDEO

1. Video #17This short scenario takes place in a Center cafeteria. The concepts of ExpressingYour Feelings and Making a Complaint are introduced when a student loudlyand rudely expresses his feelings about what is being served for lunch. He isapproached by the food service manager and they discuss how the studentcould express his feelings and make a complaint in a more appropriate manner.

ALTERNATE CHOICES

1. Complaints at Job Corps.Ask the students to volunteer their complaints about Center life. Write them ona chalkboard or flip chart. Then ask them to identify to whom they mightcomplain to get resolution. Materials needed: chalkboard and chalk; or flipchart and markers

2. Making a Complaint.Ask students to imagine that they have just had a car repaired. It breaksdown again. Ask what they would do.

3. Create your own "Attention-Getting" activity.

Making a Complaint 4

s , , 's 5..ZZ

Presentation Steps -

3. Describe the Basic Steps for this Skill:

Ask the students to try to name the steps.

Hand out a copy of the Social Skills Student Handbook page for this skill. (The BACKCOVER of this packet contains a copy of the HANDBOOK page.)

+ Review the steps listed below:

1. Decide what your complaint is.2. Decide who to complain 10.3. Tell that person your complaint.4. Tell that person what you would like done about the problem.5. Ask how he or she feels about what you've said.

4. Model the Skill:Model the skill using all the correct steps with a co-facilitator or a student volunteer whomyou have coached on the part he or she will play. Think of a situation, or use one of thesuggestions on the opposite page (-4).

Have the students point out how you used the basic steps of the skill in themodeling activity.

5. Have the Students Role Play the Skill:

Divide the students into small groups so that everyone can actively participate in roleplaying. (See Hints and Reminders located on the inside back cover of this packet.)

Assign each group a role playing topic or ask them to think of their own. (You can useone of the suggestions on the opposite page.)

Give each group a few minutes to prepare their role play.

Have each group perform their skit.

Ask the students to give feedback on how well the skill steps were followed.


IP 4111I I I '

At Job Corps

. 5IP 41111

it For the second time this month you are assigned to Center Support. The rule is that youwill only be assigned every other month.

2. They seem to serve the same choices of food every morning for breakfast in the cafeteria.You'd like a change.

In the Community

1. You and your roommate have divided up the chores. But your roommate isn't doing hershare.

2. You bought a new jacket. When you got it home you noticed the lining was torn.

On the Job

1. Your boss asks you to work overtime again. You notice that your co-workers never seem tohave to work overtime and you think they should share the load.

2. You and a co-worker share phone coverage during the lunch hour. You can't leave for lunchuntil she returns to cover the phones. She's frequently late, giving you a late start.

In a Social Situation

1. You are in a restaurant having dinner. The background music is so loud you can't talk toyour date.

2. You're sitting in a no-smoking section in a restaurant. Someone at the next table lights up acigarette.

Making a Complaint 16

9

6. Discuss How to Use the Skill in Everyday Life:

Ask the students to think of other situations in their lives where they can use this skill.Ask questions such as:

How should you decide who you want to complain to about something?

If your complaint is ignored, and you still think it is valid, what could you do?

Before you make a complaint to someone, what should you think about?

Why is it a good idea to stay in control of your emotions when you are makinga complaint?

7. Conclude the Session:

Review briefly the steps involved in this skill.

Encourage the students to try this skill in a variety of different settings.

Collect the Social Skills Student Handbook pages.

Remind students that the steps to the skill are in their personal copy of theSocial Skills Student Handbook.

Use the remaining time to answer questions.

Thank the students for their attention and congratulate them on havinglearned a new skill.


Helpful Hints and Reminderson Successful Modeling and Role Playing

Relax! Modeling and role playing are parts of our everyday lives. Modeling isshowing others the right way to do something. Everyone at one time or anotherdetermines how best to handle a situation by observing how others are acting.

Role playing activities give others a chance to practice these skills. Everyone triesdifferent approaches before doing something new Role playing comes easily tostudents. Let yourself and the students have fun with this.

Modeling

1. Relax! Let this be fun.2. Be confident. Rehearse or review the modeling situation until you are comfortable.

If any part is awkward, change it.3. Be honest and real. Make it believable.4. Be sure to follow the correct steps for the skill.5. Keep it clear and simple. Don't clutter it up. It doesn't have to be fancy.6. Modeling teaches how to do something.

Role Playing

1. Role playing gives the opportunity to practice how to do something correctly. Thisis done through acting.

2. Relax. Most students enjoy role playing.3. Keep the role playing focused on the skill.4. Coach the role players as necessary.5. Let the role players improvise; don't create scripts.6. Let students volunteer their own ideas.7. Praise correct use of the skill.8. If students fail to use the correct steps, intervene. Provide corrective feedback and

review the skill steps if needed.

ir;;;

;:i:

39.

Mak

ing

a C

oai

n-

Iex

pres

s co

mpl

aint

s th

at a

re r

easo

nabl

e to

the

appr

opri

ate

pers

on a

nd o

ffer

pos

sibl

e so

lutio

ns.

We

all h

ave

times

whe

n w

e fe

el li

ke c

ompl

aini

ng a

bout

som

e-th

ing.

Com

plai

ning

can

be

good

whe

n yo

u us

e it

to m

ake

posi

tive

chan

ges

abou

t pro

blem

s. B

ut it

can

als

o be

a w

aste

of

time

and

ener

gyifjr

don'

t do

anyt

hing

but

com

plai

n ab

out a

situ

atio

n.

Com

plai

ning

is a

n im

port

ant w

ay o

f ex

pres

sing

you

r di

ssat

is-

fac

on w

ith s

omet

hing

. But

don

't ju

st c

ompl

ain.

Foc

usyo

ur e

nerg

yan

i atte

ntio

n on

,the

chan

ges

you

wan

t to

have

hap

pen.

Fir

st f

ind

ape

rn

who

has

the

pow

er to

mak

e th

e ch

ange

you

wan

t.

Exp

ress

you

r co

mpl

aint

cle

arly

and

dir

ectly

. Be

sure

to te

llw

hat y

ou w

ould

like

to h

ave

happ

en to

cha

nge

the

situ

atio

n.

Rem

embe

r, b

e a

win

ner,

not

a w

hine

r!

A

4 fp

STE

PS T

O M

AK

ING

A C

OM

PLA

INT

1.D

ecid

e w

hat y

our

com

plai

nt is

.

2.D

ecid

e w

ho to

com

plai

n to

.

3.T

ell t

hat p

erso

nyo

ur c

om-

plai

nt.

4.T

ell t

hat p

erso

n w

hat y

ouw

ould

like

don

e ab

out t

hepr

oble

m.

5.A

sk h

ow h

e or

she

fee

ls a

bout

wha

t you

've

said

.

r ...,.,,,,

::40:

41::m

0..::

t5::i

M.,,

.:,.

:,*

..:.,:

.:s::a

s:...

......

,...::

..:...

:.a...

....,l

......

.....:

:.1...

......

$',..

.. ;..

.,lif

t. :§

...-.

... .

,i...

CO


Skills for DealingWith Stress

NUMBER 40

Answering a Complaint

"There is a difference between justice andconsideration in one's relations to one'sfellow men. It is the function of justice notto do wrong to one's fellow men; of con-siderateness, not to wound their feelings."

U.S. Department of Labor

Cicero

zz

CI) 0cr)



Obj ectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students listenrespectfully to a complaint and try to arrive at a fair solution,accepting the blame if appropriate.

To Facilitate This Unit You Will Need: 1


2. To preview the video tape: (video unavailable at this time).



.. .... ..

Using this Skill Packet"a' Review the Objective on the opposite page ( ).

ve Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( ).

Ea' Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.


ea' If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

oaf' If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

1174:deirktrrik Tont,

1

Answering a Complaint I 2

Presentation Steps

1. Use an "Attention-Getting" Activity:Show the video or use one of the Alternate Choices described on the opposite page. Yourpurpose is to get the students interested and to focus their attention on this skill. The acti v-ity is an opportunity to have some fun!



When someone complains to you it's because they want to express their feelings aboutsomething they think you have the ability to change. What is important to them are theirfeelings and the change they want. These two things are what you will want to respond towhen answering a complaint.

Dealing with someone's feelings is a matter of showing respect, and recognizing that theother person feels what he or she feels don't argue about what someone "should" feel.This part of answering a complaint has nothing to do with judging the complaint, but a lot todo with showing respect. Listen to the other person and try to understand his or her feelings.Dealing with the change that the other person wants is where your judgement comes in. Youneed to ask yourself if you really can make the change they want. And if you can, then youmust decide what is fair for you to do. You need to take responsibility for your actions andfor any mistakes you have made. Remember, you are looking at specific actions that can bechanged, not judging yourself or the other person.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Answering a Complaint

A1 A

VIDEO

1. (Video unavailable at this time.)

ALTERNATE CHOICES

1. Responding to Complaints.Review the list of complaints about Job Corps life that was prepared in"Making a Complaint." Assign students the responsibility to answer thecomplaints.

2. Responses.Ask the students to describe responses to complaints that have made themangry or dissatisfied. Ask why they have felt as they did.


Answering a Complaint 14

Presentation Steps




Review the steps listed below:

1. Listen to the complaint.2. Ask the person to explain anything you don't understand.3. Tell the person that you understand the complaint.4. State your ideas about the complaint.5. Suggest what each of you could do about the complaint.

4. Model the Skill:Model the skill using all the correct steps with a co-facilitator or a student volunteer whomyou have coached on the part he or she will play. Think of a situation, or use one of thesuggestions on the opposite page (-0.









Suggestions for Modeling or Role Playing

At Job Corps

1. You are doing dorm dean -up. Another dorm member complains that you are doing yourjob too slowly so that he or she won't have enough time to get done the job he or she has todo.

2. Your roommates complain that you always choose what music is played in your room andnever let them choose.

In the Community

1. You and your friends are eating dinner in a fast-food restaurant. The manager tells you thatsome customers have complained about your foul and loud language.

2. You are in a shopping mall with friends having a good time, sitting on the only availablebenches. An elderly woman comes by and complains that you are taking all the seats.

On the Job

1, At work a co-worker complains that you never dean up your work area and tools.

2 You are a salesperson and a customer comes back into the shop complaining that somethingyou sold him was no good. He implies you are a liar and are trying to cheat him.(Variation: it is obvious that the product fell apart because he misused it.)


1. You are in a theatre with a friend. The movie reminds you of something that you want totalk to your friends about. As you are talking, someone else in the theatre complains to youthat you are bothering them by talking during the film.

2 A friend borrows something from you. When he or she returns it it is all beat-up. Yourfriend doesn't say anything about that.

Answering a Complaint 16



What could you do when someone complains to you about something youdon't have the power to change?

* How can you show a person that you are listening to and understanding his /her complaint?

Name some situations where you personally have been asked to answer acomplaint. What did you do well?

What could you do if the change someone wants isn't something that you thinkis fair or right?












Modeling



Role Playing


2. Relax. Most students enjoy role playing.3. Keep the role playing focused on the skill.4. Coach the role players as necessary.5. Let the role players improvise; don't create scripts.6. Let students volunteer their own ideas.7. Praise correct use of the skill.

8. If students fail to use the correct steps, intervene. Provide corrective feedback andreview the skill steps if needed.

22

40.A

nsw

erin

g a

Com

plai

ntI

liste

n re

spec

tful

lyto

a c

ompl

aint

and

try

tore

spon

d fa

irly

acc

eptin

gbl

ame

if a

ppro

pria

te.

Whe

n so

meo

ne c

ompl

ains

to y

ou,

it is

bec

ause

they

wan

t to

expr

ess

thei

r fe

elin

gsab

out s

omet

hing

they

thin

k yo

uha

ve th

e ab

ility

to c

hang

e.

Whe

n yo

u w

ant t

o an

swer

aco

mpl

aint

you

nee

d to

cons

ider

bot

h th

e ot

her

pers

on's

feel

ings

and

the

thin

g th

ey w

ant

to h

ave

chan

ged.

Show

res

pect

for

the

othe

r pe

rson

by li

sten

ing

to w

hat

they

hav

e to

say

and

by

tryi

ng to

unde

rsta

nd th

eir

feel

ings

.

The

n as

k yo

urse

lf if

you

rea

lly c

anm

ake

the

chan

ges

that

they

wan

t. If

so,

is it

fai

r fo

r yo

u to

do s

o? I

f yo

u ha

ve m

ade

am

ista

ke, a

ccep

t it a

nd m

ake

thec

hang

es if

you

can

. Be

sure

to u

se

good

judg

emen

t and

sho

w r

espe

ctfo

r ot

hers

.

STE

PS T

O A

NSW

ER

ING

AC

OM

PLA

INT

Lis

ten

to th

e co

mpl

aint

.

2.A

sk th

e pe

rson

to e

xpla

inan

ythi

ng y

ou d

on't

unde

r-st

and.

3.T

ell t

he p

erso

n th

at y

ouun

ders

tand

the

com

plai

nt.

4.St

ate

your

idea

s ab

out t

heco

mpl

aint

.

5.Su

gges

t wha

t eac

h of

you

coul

d do

abo

ut th

e co

mpl

aint

.

... ..

...

.1

4 ViS Ils ri:? ..

. ,

...

14

Co



NUMBER 41

SportsmanshipAfter the Game

"It's great to win, but it's also great funjust to be in the thick of any truly well andhard-fought contest against opponents yourespect, regardless of the outcome."

Jack NicklausWorld-class professional golfer

U.S. Dapartmant of Labor 4>

uuQ

cr) 8E-

Skills for Dealing With Stress

We all know about stress it's a major part of life. For adolescents,stress often centers around defining who they are and how theyfit into the larger world. This set of skills can help studentsdecrease stress and increase effectiveness in their lives.

Obj ectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students expresshonest appreciation to opponents and give credit to othersregardless of who wins or loses.

5, 5, 54 5.5 5 5 55,, 55, 5,5 ,,,,,,,



2. To preview video tape #18 (description on page 4); OR, if avideo is not available or you do not choose to use it, then useone of the "Attention-Getting" activities that are explainedon page 4 of this packet.


:.

Using this Skill PacketVr Review the Objective on the opposite page ( E ).

Ea' Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( ).

ear Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.

1. Use an "Attention-Getting" activity.2. Introduce the skill.3. Describe the basic steps for the skill.4. Model the skill.5. Have students role play the skill.6. Discuss how to use the skill in everyday life.7. Condude the session.

gar If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication masteron the back cover of this packet.

' If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

->sp.,'"1:1AVrilttex.,,,st

2 7 Sportsmanship After the Game I 2




It is a fact of life that we never win all the time. Regardless of how good at something weare, there are times when we lose. As much as we hate to admit it, there is always someonewho is bigger, faster, smarter, and better than us.

Sportsmanship is recognizing that we can't always control winning or losing; but we cancontrol how we approach the game. It is realizing that participating is more important thanthe outcome. The old saying that "it matters not if we win or lose, but how we play thegame" is really true in Job Corps. and in life.

Sportsmanship doesn't mean that we don't very much want and try to win, or that wedon't feel bad when we lose. What it means is that we recognize that when we try to win wemust always accept that we may also lose. Part of the thrill and the challenge of playing is notknowing if we'll win or lose. Our strength and safety in playing is knowing that it's moreimportant that we play than it is whether we win or lose.

Sportsmanship means that we recognize that the best games, the ones that force us to be asmuch as we can be, are those where we have quality opponents. If they win or if they lose,we want to thank them because they helped us to push ourselves to be all we can be.Because that's what real winning is about, being all we can be.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Sportsmanship After the Game

Attention-Getting Activities

VIDEOzs. ;kik "k..k$,U.V.'qq<WWW..."Nt.\,.**"%ktN}WI:t1KW7FRWVfAiiMagefaM6

1. Video #18In this video a female student basketball player blames her teammate for losingthe game. She is confronted by her coach and they discuss what motivated herbehavior and how it made other people feel.

s,:i ALTERNATE CHOICES. . .

Ne::::...?Zi-x,K,KZ-.K:*:<,.0K*KMKK:Kii-.K:x*E.k4K,:.::::*<:,

1. Not Just for Sports.Invite in a member of the Administration staff to talk about how goodsportsmanship is involved in what they do. Materials needed: none, but thecooperation of another staff member is necessary.

2. Star Power.Invite in either someone from the community or someone from Job Corps whois recognized as a sports star and have him or her talk about how importantsportsmanship is to him or her in pursuing his or her sport. Materials needed:none, but the cooperation of a community or Job Corps sports star is necessary.


Sportsmanship After the Game I 4

2 5

'V st.s,




Review the steps listed below:1. Think about ow you did and how the other person did in the game.2. Think of a true compliment you could give the other person about his or her actions

in the game.3. Think about what his or her reactions might be to what you might say.4. Choose the compliment you think is best and say it.









5 I Sportsmanship After the Game


At Job Corps

1. You are running for Student Government. Your opponent wins. (Variation: You feel he orshe won because of something unrelated to them being better qualified than you for the job.)

2. You have a pickup basketball game going. A new job Corps student joins in on youropposing team and plays very well.

In the Community

1. You go to a sale in the mall and find a coat you like very much for half off. Just when youget to the coat someone beats you to it.

On. the Job

1. You and your best friend apply for the same job. You get the job and know your friendfeels bad.


1. You are playing a younger family member in a game and you always win.

2. You are playing a game you're good at with a person who is just trying to learn andconsequently is not very good. This person is getting discouraged about learning the game.

Sportsmanship After the Game 16



Do you really believe it's okay to lose?

Can you be a good sport if the other person won through a fluke or by cheating?

4 How can you use the rules for good sportsmanship on the job?

Could you use any of the "sportsmanship rules" when you lose an argument?








7 I Sportmanship After the Game

Aft

4





Role Playing


2. Relax. Most students enjoy role playing.3. Keep the role playing focused on the skill.4. Coach the role players as necessary.5. Let the role players improvise; don't create scripts.

6. Let students volunteer their own ideas.7. Praise correct use of the skill.


41.

Spor

tman

ship

Aft

erth

eG

ame

I co

mpl

imen

t oppo

nent

s ho

nest

ly, a

nd g

ive

cred

it to

othe

rS r

egar

dles

sof

who

win

s or

lose

s.

STE

PS T

OG

OO

DSP

OR

TM

AN

SHIP

Thi

nk a

bout

how

you

did

and

how

the

othe

r per

son

did

inth

e ga

me.

2.T

hink

of a

true

com

plim

ent

you

coul

d gi

ve th

e ot

her p

er-

son

abou

t his

or

her a

ctio

ns in

the

gam

e.

3.T

hink

abo

ut w

hat h

is o

r he

rre

actio

ns m

ight

be

to w

hat y

oum

ight

say

.

4.C

hoos

e th

e co

mpl

imen

t you

thin

k is

bes

t and

say

it.

,33.

M.io

n.tiM

nfgt

,1?.

'-1$1

:1::,

...e'

.

It is

a f

act o

f lif

eth

at w

ene

ver

win

all

the

time.

Reg

ardl

ess

ofho

w g

ood

atso

met

hing

we

are,

ther

e ar

e tim

esw

hen

we

lose

. As

muc

has

we

hate

to a

dmit

it, th

ere

is a

lway

sso

meo

ne w

ho is

big

ger,

fast

er,

smar

ter,

and

bet

ter

than

us.

Spor

tsm

ansh

ip is

reco

gniz

ing

that

we

can'

t alw

ays

cont

rol

win

ning

or

losi

ng, b

ut w

eca

n co

ntro

l how

we

appr

oach

the g

ame.

It

is r

ealiz

ing

that

part

icip

atin

g is

mor

e im

port

ant t

han

the

outc

ome.

The

old

sayi

ng th

at"i

t mat

ters

not i

f w

e w

inor

lose

, but

how

we

play

the

gam

e" is

rea

llytr

ue in

job

Cor

psan

d in

life

.

Spor

tsm

ansh

ip d

oesn

'tm

ean

that

we

don'

t wan

t to

win

, or

that

we

don'

t fee

l bad

whe

nw

e lo

se. W

hat i

t mea

ns is

we

reco

gniz

eth

atw

hen

we

try

to w

in w

e m

ust a

lway

s ac

cept

that

we

may

als

o lo

se. P

art

of th

e th

rill

and

the

chal

leng

eof

pla

ying

isno

t kno

win

g if

we'

llw

in o

rlo

se. O

ur s

tren

gth

and

safe

ty in

play

ing

is k

now

ing

that

it's

mor

eim

port

ant

for

us to

pla

yth

an it

is to

win

or lo

se.

Spor

tsm

ansh

ipm

eans

that

we

reco

gniz

e th

at th

e bes

t gam

es, t

heon

esth

at f

orce

us to

be

as m

uch

as w

e ca

nbe

, are

thos

ew

here

we

have

qual

ityop

pone

nts.

If

they

win

or if

they

lose

,w

e w

ant t

o th

ank

them

beca

use

they

help

ed u

s to

pus

hou

rsel

ves

to b

e al

lw

e ca

n be

. Tha

t'sw

hat r

eal w

inni

ngis

abo

ut, b

eing

all w

e ca

n be

.

3

4.c

Abort



NUMBER 42

Dealing with Embarrassment

"Man is the only animal that blushes.Or needs to."

Mark Twain

U.S. Dopartment of Litho.

1.1.:, "


We all know about stress it's a major part of life. Foradolescents, stress often centers around defining who theyare and how they fit into the larger world. This set of skillscan help students decrease stress and increaseeffectivenessin their lives.

.55 \

ObjectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students useconstructive ways to deal with embarrassment.


1. Social Skills Student Handbook page for Skill. 42. A copy ison the back cover of this packet. (Pass out one copy per student.)




3

Using this Skill Packet13W Review the Objective on the opposite page ( ).

62? Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( ).

ve Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.


ve If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

25' If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

n

.ItigMatgagenaateNNWMAKIMPW,V.MitarRAV:f;:: sk'Z "es :;',

33

Dealing with Embarrassment I 2

S.1. Use an "Attention-Getting" Activity:

Show the video or use one of the Alternate Choices described on the opposite page. Yourpurpose is to get the students interested and to focus their attention on this skill. The activ-ity is an opportunity to have some fun!



We get embarrassed when something we want to keep private becomes public and we feelwe are caught looking foolish. Everyone is embarrassed at one time or another.

How you deal with embarrassment is important. Once something that you wanted to keepprivate is out in the open, you need to accept that. You can't put it back in the bag. You needto decide how to deal with the situation openly and directly. The idea is to make the best ofthe situation.

Think about what it is that you are feeling foolish about. If it was something that you chose todo, then accept it. If it was an accident, then accept that you had no choice about it'shappening.

Then decide if there is something that you could do to make you feel better about thesituation. Sometimes you can make a joke out of it and laugh it off. At other times, sharingthe situation with someone else can help. And sometimes you just have to accept it andforget it. Remember, everyone gets embarrassed sometimes.

=;CONTINUED ON

PAGE 5

3 I Dealing with Embarrassment

VIDEO

1. Video #1While attending the Center dance, a student builds up his courage and asksanother student to dance. When she refuses, he is embarrassed, and retreats toa corner imagining all the other students are laughing at him. Another studentasks him to dance with her and he refuses until she relates an embarrassingincident she recently experienced and they agree that everyone has anembarrassing moment now and then.

ALTERNATE CHOICES

1. My Most Embarrassing Moment in Childhood.Embarrassments are usually seen as funny when enough time has passed sincethey happened. Have students volunteer their most embarrassing momentsfrom childhood. After the stories, conclude this by drawing the group'sattention to the fact that they can laugh about these now and that that is whathappens with embarrassments, they are never so overwhelming that we can'tlaugh at them later.

2. Embarrassment for Everyone.Everyone does things that look foolish. It doesn't mean they are foolish people.Use examples you or the class members bring up to illustrate. Some might be:President Ford's falling down airplane stairs, President Kennedy's "Ich bin einBerliner" speech which translates "I am a hotdog," bloopers, NFL footballmistakes, baseball players colliding, etc.


Dealing with Embarrassment 14





1. Decide if you are feeling embarrassed.2. Decide what happened to make you feel embarrassed.3. Decide on what will help you feel less embarrassed and do it.

4. Model the Skill:Model the skill using all the correct steps with a co-facilitator or a student volunteer whomyou have coached on the part he or she will play. Think of a situation, or use one of thesuggestions on the opposite page (-0.








5 I Dealing with Embarrassment4i


At Job Corps

1. In the cafeteria you accidentally drop your tray. Everyone laughs.

2 Your family comes to visit you at Job Corps. You've told your friends about your good-looking brother. When the family shows up, your brother looks like a mess.

In the Community

1 You are rushing to catch the bus. Ws icy and you slip and fall. Several people you don'tknow see you.

2, In a restaurant you are talking excitedly and making gestures with your hands. Yousomehow bump a glass of water and it spills in your lap.

On the Job

You make a mistake on an important report and your supervisor mentions it in front of yourco-workers.

2 You are at work and you notice that people are looking at you and giggling. You find outthat your slacks are ripped.


1. You are walking with friends and talking very intently with them; so intently that you walkinto a mailbox without seeing it. You are not hurt, but all your friends are laughinguproariously.

2, You go to a dance. You thought it was going to be casual. When you get there you see thateveryone else is really dressed up.

Dealing with Embarrassment 16

;.; zsk \Ns4 > Aat:reseritatiolt zkslit\

1

SS .. V. SS



When you have an embarrassing moment, what are some things you could doto feel less embarrassed?

Can you think of a time when you have embarrassed someone else? What didyou do? How did it make you feel?

How could you help out a friend who is feeling embarrassed about somethinghe or she has done?

What are some of the physical things you feel when you are embarrassed?How could you overcome them?








7 I Dealing with Embarrassmentr. -

43





Role Playing




it

42. D

ealin

gW

ith E

mba

rras

smen

tI

use

cons

truc

tive

way

s to

deal

with

btn

barr

assi

ngsi

tuat

ions

.

STE

PS T

O D

EA

LIN

GW

ITH

EM

BA

RR

ASS

ME

NT

Dec

ide

if y

ou a

re f

eelin

gem

barr

asse

d.

2.D

ecid

e w

hat h

appe

ned

tom

ake

you

feel

em

barr

asse

d.

3.D

ecid

e on

wha

t will

hel

p yo

ufe

el le

ss e

mba

rras

sed

and

do it

.

Mri

atak

at.

:0K

+1,

1fe.

1.54

.42,

4,,i6

64

set

Eve

ryon

e ge

ts e

mba

rras

sed

som

etim

es. W

e ge

tem

barr

asse

dw

hen

som

ethi

ng w

e w

ant t

o ke

ep p

riva

tebe

com

es p

ublic

and

we

feel

we

are

caug

ht lo

okin

gfo

olis

h.

Onc

e yo

u re

aliz

e th

at y

ou a

re e

mba

rras

sed,

try

tom

ake

the

best

of th

e si

tuat

ion

by h

andl

ing

it op

enly

and

dire

ctly

.

If y

ou c

an, m

ake

a jo

ke o

ut o

f it,

laug

h it

off.

If

not,

just

acc

ept i

tan

d tr

y to

for

get t

he s

ituat

ion.

Rem

embe

r, e

very

one

has

an e

mba

rras

sing

mom

ent e

very

once

in a

whi

le.

Asxkills rp .s-vr.

(beat



NUMBER 43

Dealing withBeing Left Out

"Every man is wanted, and no man iswanted much."

U.S. Dapartmint of Labor (p

Emerson

'it

..



Obj ectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students Chooseconstructive behaviors when they feel they are being left outof a group.






, , ,Ns,

< \`' " "A3


vr Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( +-- ).

Etw Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.


EaF If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

' If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

45Dealing with Being Left Out 2

"V O.} SS.

.N6

ZZ. bs V




Have you ever felt left out, or not part of the group? Everyone has experienced feeling leftout. We feel that way when we're with people who share an "inside joke" that we don'tunderstand, or if we're the last to be chosen for a team, or if we're not invited to a party.Sometimes we're left out on purpose. The group chose not to include us. At other times, itcan be accidental, an oversight.

When we are left out, or not part of the group, we can feel hurt and wonder what is wrongwith us or why we weren't included. Then it's important to think carefully about why wemight have been left out, and if we really wanted to participate in the activity in the firstplace.

Think about what you could do about the situation. It's possible that no one knew that youwanted to participate. You might try joining in. Or if the activity is over, you might just tellthe others that you'd like to be included next time. If you think you were left out on purpose,you might need to apologize for something that you have done. Or you might choose to donothing and find other friends to do things with. Choose the way that feels right for thesituation and do it.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Dealing with Being Left Out


1;\

VIDEO

1. Video #7In this video a new student is caught in an off limits area by a security guard.They discuss the difficulty the student is having with joining in studentactivities. During the discussion we see a montage of the student failing in hisattempts to join in a number of activities on Center such as a basketball game, acard game, a student field trip, etc.

ALTERNATE CHOICES.........

.

1. Left Out on Purpose.At the start of the session, begin talking with two students about a recent eventthat would interest the whole group (sports, current event, Center dance, etc.).As others try to enter the conversation, ignore them or cut them off. Afterseveral minutes, ask them how they felt.

2. Left Out.Bring treats (sodas, cookies, or similar) to the meeting. Give them out to all but2 or 3 students. Ask them to describe how they felt. Ask the students who gottreats how they felt when others were left out.


Dealing with Being Left Out I 4

5





1. Decide if you are being left out.2. Think about why the other people might be leaving you out of something.3. Decide how you could deal with the problem.4. Choose what you think is the best way and do it.

4. Model the Skill:Model the skill using all the correct steps with a co-facilitator or a student volunteer whomyou have coached on the part he or she will play. Think of a situation, or use one of thesuggestions on the opposite page (-+).










At Job Corps

1. The sports team you play on is going to another Center to play in a tournament. They canonly take twelve people and you are not selected to go.

2. A group from your dorm is getting together to go into town to see a movie and no one asksyou to go along.

In the Community

1. The community is sponsoring an Ethnic Awareness Day. When you look over the brochureyou discover that your ethnic group has been left out.

2. You tried out for a softball team in your town. You weren't selected for the team.

On the Job

1, Your union, trade association, or office is picking members to be on a special committee todedicate what benefits to ask for in future negotiations with the management of yourcompany. You are known to be very interested in these issues, so you are surprised whenyou are not picked for the committee.

2, Your co-workers are going to lunch together. They didn't ask you to join them.


1 You are not invited to a party to which you really wanted to go.

2. You have always been dose to your older brother and share with him a strong interest insports. You help him get tickets for a big game thinking he will invite you along, but heasks someone else instead.

Dealing with Being Left Out 16



Can you name some times when you were left out?

How do you feel (what emotions) when you think you are being left out onpurpose? By accident?

What are some things you could do when you are left out of a group that isgoing on a fun outing?

How can you tell if you are being left out on purpose or by accident?












Modeling


If any part is awkward, change it.3. Be honest and real. Make it believable.4. Be sure to follow the correct steps for the skill.5. Keep it dear and simple. Don't clutter it up. It doesn't have to be fancy.6. Modeling teaches how to do something.

Role Playing




43. D

ealin

g W

ith B

eing

Lef

t Out

I ch

oose

con

stru

ctiv

e W

ife

to d

eal w

ith b

eing

left

out o

f a

grou

p.

STE

PS T

O D

EA

LIN

GW

ITH

BE

ING

LE

FT O

UT

1.D

ecid

e If

you

are

bei

ng le

ftou

t.

2.T

hink

abo

ut w

hy th

e ot

her

peop

le m

ight

be

leav

ing

you

out o

f so

met

hing

.

3.D

ecid

e ho

w y

ou c

ould

dea

lw

ith tl

e pr

oble

m.

4.C

hoos

e w

hat y

ou th

ink

is th

ebe

st w

ay a

nd d

o it.

Hav

e yo

u ev

er f

elt l

eft o

ut o

r no

t par

t of

the

grou

p? E

very

one

feel

s le

ft o

ut s

omet

imes

and

that

can

hur

t. It

mak

esus

won

der

wha

t we

did

wro

ng. B

ut ju

st b

ecau

se y

ou're

left

out

som

etim

es d

oesn

'tm

ean

you'

re a

bad

per

son.

Thi

nk a

bout

why

you

mig

ht h

ave

been

left

out.

Som

etim

espe

ople

leav

e us

out

on

purp

ose.

Aft

er a

ll, n

otev

eryo

ne c

an b

e in

clud

edal

l of

the

time.

But

oth

er ti

mes

it's

an a

ccid

ent o

r an

ove

rsig

ht.

Thi

nk a

bout

how

you

cou

ld h

andl

e th

e si

tuat

ion.

You

cou

ldtr

yjo

inin

g in

. Or

you

coul

d le

t the

oth

ers

know

that

you

'd li

keto

be

incl

uded

nex

t tim

e. O

r yo

u co

uld

find

oth

er f

rien

dsto

do

thin

gs w

ith.

Dec

ide

whi

ch w

ay f

eels

rig

ht f

or y

ou a

nd d

o it.

5 7

e

1"cr.:4

lob cat



NUMBER 44

Standing Up For A Friend

"Tell me thy company, and I'll tell thee what thou art."Cervantes, Don Quixote


C

r



Obj ectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students let othersknow in an appropriate way when a friend has been treatedunfairly.






,.s 4

f,:e4S4.:'" "Z"."..4' ...

Using this Skill Packetow Review the Objective on the opposite page ( ).

ow Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( ).

111W Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.


m' If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

oaf If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

'):99os-41 4,

s . . .

-

Standing Up For A Friend I 2

6




Standing up for a friend means being loyal and willing to take a risk to help someone else. Itdoesn't mean compromising yourself or your personal values by doing something that youknow is wrong. It means finding positive, constructive ways to help.

Sometimes friends will ask for your help or support. Other times, though, you may just knowor sense that a friend needs you to stand up for them. There are other times when your friendmay not want to have you stand up for them. It is important to think about the situation, andabout how your friend might feel before you jump in to help. Remember, sometimes peoplewant to stand up for their own rights, and they might not appreciate your interference. If youdecide that your friend might want your help, pick a direct and reasonable way and stand upfor your friend.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Standing Up For A Friend

t.-


VIDEO:n.kkuvavckEw ILVaalltoss'su..&*lux..-.$1,aiLC."WMPT:

1. Video #10In this video a student and her roommate discuss an appropriate way for her tostand up for her rights after she has been accosted by a group of students whothreaten her.

ALTERNATE CHOICES

1. When It's Needed.Students are asked to volunteer times when they've wished a friend wouldhave stood up for them or when a friend did. Materials needed: blackboard orpad of large paper, chalk or markers

2. The Lift Others Give.Students gather in a group. One student leans back and the other students lifthim or her off the floor into a prone (horizontal) position. The student is heldfor 30 seconds or so, then let down again. Each student is held like this.


Standing Up For A Friend I 4

62





1. Decide if your friend has not been treated fairly by others.2. Decide if your friend wants you to stand up for him or her.3. Decide on ways you could stand up for your friend.4. Pick one and stand up for your friend.

4. Model the Skill:Model the skill using all the correct steps with a co-facilitator or a student volunteer whomyou have coached on the part he or she will play. Think of a situation, or use one of thesuggestions on the opposite page (-).






4, Have each group perform their skit.


5 1 Standing Up For A Friend


At Job Corps

1 You notice that two students are teasing your roommate.

2. You overhear a group of students saying bad things about a staffmember who you havealways found to be very good to you.

In the Community

1. You are standing with a friend who is waiting to pay for a purchase in a local store. Theclerk keeps waiting on others who came along after your friend. Your friend doesn't sayanything.

2. You are riding with a friend who got a speeding ticket. He asks you to go to court with himto say that he wasn't speeding.

On the Job

1. You and a co-worker have just completed a job. The boss begins criticizing the job, blamingonly your co-worker.

2 Your boss is putting together a team for a special project. She's asked you to be on the teambut has overlooked a co-worker who you think would be great.


1 You have a friend who is going through a rough time and acting angrily toward otherpeople. The other people don't know what's really going on and they are bad-mouthingyour friend.

2. You're on a baseball team. Your friend and teammate has just struck out again. Everyonestarts teasing him.

Standing Up For A Friend 6

sk;sssz ks" '''W". 'S

s.k" .c`,re ant s Nilsst,ss


Ask the students to think of other situations in their lives where they can use this skill.

Ask questions such as:

When is it not appropriate to stand up for a friend?

What could you do if you stood up for a friend and he or she got angry withyou for butting in?

How does it make you feel when a friend stands up for you?

4. How do you feel about yourself when you stand up for a friend?








7 I Standing Up For A Friend

I

II ' I.



Modeling



Role Playing


2. Relax. Most students enjoy role playing.3. Keep the role playing focused on the skill.4. Coach the role players as necessary.5. Let the role players improvise; don't create scripts.

6. Let students volunteer their own ideas.7. Praise correct use of the skill.8. If students fail to use the correct steps, intervene. Provide corrective feedback and


6d

111,

6:41

.=.4

1.1E

9K-1

_

A f

rien

d in

need

isa

frie

nd in

deed

.

44. S

tand

ing

Up

For

A F

rien

dI

let o

ther

s kn

ow in

an

appr

opri

ate

way

whe

n a

frie

nd h

as b

een

trea

ted

unfa

irly

.

STE

PS T

O S

TA

ND

ING

UP

FOR

A F

RIE

ND

1.D

ecid

e if

you

r fr

iend

has

not

been

trea

ted

fair

ly b

y ot

hers

.

2.D

ecid

e if

you

r fr

iend

wan

tsyo

u to

sta

nd u

p fo

r hi

m o

r he

r.

3.D

ecid

e on

way

s yo

u co

uld

stan

d up

for

you

r fr

iend

.

4.Pi

ck o

ne a

nd s

tand

up

for

your

fri

end.

Stan

ding

up

for

a fr

iend

is a

way

of

show

ing

that

you

resp

ect a

nd c

are

for

that

per

son,

and

that

you

are

will

ing

to ta

ke a

risk

for

him

or

her.

Whe

n yo

u de

cide

to s

tand

up

for

som

eone

els

e it

is im

port

ant

that

you

not

do

anyt

hing

that

com

prom

ises

you

r pe

rson

al v

alue

s or

belie

fs. So

met

imes

fri

ends

will

ask

for

you

r he

lp a

nd s

uppo

rt. O

ther

times

you

will

just

sen

se th

at s

tand

ing

up f

or y

our

frie

nds

is th

e ri

ght

thin

g to

do.

If

you

deci

de th

at y

our

frie

nd w

ould

app

reci

ate

your

help

, alw

ays

be s

ure

to p

ick

a w

ay th

at is

dir

ect a

nd r

easo

nabl

e. T

hen

stan

d up

for

you

r fr

iend

. It w

ill m

ake

both

you

and

the

frie

nd f

eel

good

.

111s 71.4.

,10

b CO



NUMBER 45

Responding to Persuasion

"People are generally better persuaded bythe reasons which they have themselvesdiscovered than by those which have comeinto the minds of others."

Pascal

U.S. Departmant of Labor

Lf)



Obj ectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students listen andconsider the position of others, comparing it to their own, beforedeciding what to do. Then they choose appropriate responses.






v . % " " "


'' Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( ).

age Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.


oafs If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

'' If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

.1. , ; , ,".;* s,_

This bookletwasir011teck - *14n4; 1694W14t3544-141.**:; :14efdet ss' f7Art1;,

s'N",:k.*,;:"rsts

'3" " ss ;\ .6n, iier.4111064k:).e.L.An '4\s':.7:,/"."; "

Responding to Persuasion f 2

7i

\;.. \\\ tigOkrsatt;Vas

.4..<*?

Presen a ort:\

""..,




Your choices are your own good or bad. Throughout your life people will try to persuadeyou as to what you should believe and how you should act. Parents, teachers, and Job Corpsstaff members talk with you about who you should associate with, what time you shouldcome and go, how you should wear your hair and what kind of dothes to wear. However,the biggest influence on young people's lives is peer pressure. Friends will use all kinds ofways to persuade you, some that are positive and some that are negative. The importantthing to remember is that whatever you choose, right or wrong, it is your life. You ultimatelyare the person who decides what you feel is correct for your life.

Making your own decisions are tough. Many times it can seem much easier simply to dowhat everybody else does and to go along with the crowd. Part of becoming an adult is tolearn to do the things that you must do and not always do the things that you want to do.

Responding to persuasion is simply taking responsibility for your choices. We learn andgrow from our mistakes. Feel free to experiment and learn what works in life and whatdoesn't work.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Responding to Persuasion

A SA

VIDEO

1. Video #4In this 5-minute video, a Job Corps counselor tells a new student the story ofthe day he had his first pass to go into town (when he was in Job Corps 25 yearsago), and his roommates tried to persuade him to join them on a drinkingspree.

ALTERNATE CHOICES

1. Persuade Me.Tell the students that you will provide them a benefit (such as ending the dassearly or having a pizza party for them) if they can persuade you that .that isjustified. Limit this to 5 minutes. You may choose to leave the room for aminute beforehand to allow them to confer on the best approach to take.Materials needed: none, but be prepared to follow through with a benefit forthe students.

2. Peer Persuasion.Select two students of equal verbal ability. Announce that the student who canbest persuade the group that he or she deserves it will receive some benefit(pick something appropriate). Allow each student 2 minutes of persuasionthen have the group vote on the winner. Materials needed: same as above.

3. Create your own "Attention- Getting" activity.

Responding to Persuasion 14

iJ





1. Listen to the other person's ideas on the topic.2. Decide what you think about the topic.3. Compare what he or she said with what you think.4. Decide which idea you like better, and tell the other person about it.

4. Model the Skill:Model the skill using all the correct steps with a co-facilitator or a student volunteer whomyou have coached on the part he or she will play. Think of a situation, or use one of thesuggestions on the opposite page (-').








5 I Responding to Persuasion


At Job Corps

1. job Corps has a rule you don't agree with and feel is unfair to the student body and theconsequences are too severe for breaking the rule.

2. Your dorm manager tries to persuade you to run for the student government in order foryou to voice your opinions on how rules affect students. She also feels that this would begood experience for you.

In the Community

1. Your boyfriend, who lives in town, is putting pressure on you to go steady. You like him,but would still like to play the field. How would you tell him without hurting his feelings OTlosing him?

2. A used car salesman is trying to talk you into buying a car you can't really affort. You will)be leaving the job soon and need to save your money. How do you handle the hard sell?

On the Job

1. You find out that new hires at your company are making more money than you are and allof them are better qualified than you when you have been working for a year.

2. Your boss is trying to sell you a raffle ticket, but you don't want to buy it. How do you sayno without getting your boss mad at you?


1 The vocational instructor feels you need to cut your long hair before going on a jobinterview. This may or may not cause you to get the job. How would you respond?

2. Your family members don't like the friends you hang around with and have asked you tostop seeing them.

Responding to Persuasion 16



Is there any set of circumstances where you really have no choice?

What do you do when the other person makes it really hard to say "no"?

Can you think of a way to say "no" without hurting a person's feelings?

How can you control your anger when someone tries to force you to do some-thing against your better judgement?








7 I Responding to Persuasion:*5 -,A 0




Modeling


If any part is awkward, change it.3. Be honest and real. l'vWce it believable.4. Be sure to follow the correct steps for the skill.5. Keep it clear and simple. Don't clutter it up. It doesn't have to be fancy.6. Modeling teaches how to do something.

Role Playing




le'

45. R

espo

ndin

g to

Pers

uasi

onI

com

pare

the

idea

s of

oth

ers

to m

y ow

n id

eas

befo

re d

ecid

ing

wha

t's b

est f

or m

e to

do.

You

r ch

oice

s ar

e al

way

s yo

ur o

wn.

Thr

ough

out l

ife

peop

le w

ill tr

y to

per

suad

e yo

u to

do

orbe

lieve

thin

gs u

sing

way

s of

per

suas

ion

that

may

or

may

not

befa

ir. A

lway

s re

mem

ber

that

wha

teve

r yo

u ch

oose

to d

o m

ust f

eel

righ

t for

you

. You

r lif

e is

you

r ow

n re

spon

sibi

lity

and

you

are

the

only

per

son

who

can

rea

lly d

ecid

e w

hat i

s "r

ight

" fo

r yo

u to

do.

Man

y tim

es it

can

see

m e

asie

r ju

st to

do

wha

t som

eone

els

ew

ants

you

to d

o. R

emem

ber

that

eve

n if

you

do

that

,the

res

pon-

sibi

lity

for

the

choi

ce is

not

thei

rs b

ut y

ours

. You

can

not g

ive

resp

onsi

bilit

y aw

ay f

or w

hat y

ou c

hoos

e to

do,

no

mat

ter

how

muc

h it

can

look

that

way

.

STE

PS T

O R

ESP

ON

DIN

GT

O P

ER

SUA

SIO

N

1.L

iste

n to

the

othe

r pe

rson

'sid

eas

on th

e to

pic.

2.D

ecid

e w

hat y

ou th

ink

abou

tth

e to

pic.

3.C

ompa

re w

hat h

e or

she

sai

dw

ith w

hat y

ou th

ink.

4.D

ecid

e w

hich

idea

you

like

bette

r, a

nd te

ll th

e ot

her

pers

onab

out i

t.

c7:$kills 7;.?,,.e 4-z, :1,..

/Oh C



NUMBER 46

Responding to Failure

"Failure is an event, not a person.".

William D. Brown

"The message is, 'It's okay if you mess up. Youshould give yourself a break."

Billy Joel




ObjectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students figure outthe reasons for failure and plan ways to succeed in the future.






4. If using alternate choices for an attention-getting device, youwill need a 3 x 5 card for each student in your group.

s se

s '" A .. "

8 1_


gar Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( ).

uar Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.


Lee If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

" If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

... , 1.1%. ...... .. . . .

,thitbpaktiitma* propizedvadiirtIA 1,rt% staborcanta`cts$4447).4444t4t 30,s,

13111;t1k*N4t#441#f`s%rk,Ar .,..;>."",...:',sZe""" " .,.n Zs` `""`>, ... .. .......... r.

r<rs,`".. \ r tr > rsr, ... , \.><k

' 'r'esr, . ..

Responding to Failure 12



Introduce the Skill:

Have you ever flunked a test? Were you ever turned down for a date? Did you ever feel likeyou didn't do something well enough, or that the person you were trying to please wasn'thappy with you? How did these situations make you feel? When things like these happen tous, we feel like we have failed and we feel bad about ourselves. Dealing with failure isdifficult for everybody.

It is how we choose to react to failure that is important, not the failures themselves. Failuresdo provide us with opportunities to grow and better ourselves. People can and do learn fromtheir mistakes.

Some people react to failure by withdrawing, not trying again or being afraid of taking risks.More successful people are those who learn from their failures and turn these failures intosuccesses. We can all learn how to do this. But first, we must learn to discover why we failed.Was it something we did, was it something we didn't do, or was it something beyond ourcontrol? Once we have discovered what we did that made us fail, we can think of better waysand change what we do next time to be successful.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Responding to Failure

F., 5

VIDEO'4" -7,

"'", '

1. Video #9This video is meant to elicit responses from students about times in their liveswhen they have experienced failure. It is a scenario in which two studentsdiscuss failing their driver's license test.

ALTERNATE CHOICES

1. A Skit.Prepare a skit wherein we see a young man getting ready to go out. The youngman then approaches a young lady and asks her for a date (in an appropriatemanner). The young lady turns him down.

2. Your Worst FailuresHave students write on a card their worst failures or those of others. Collect thecards and read them to the class.



F' 4





1. Decide if you have failed at something.2. t pink about why you failed.3. Think about what you could do to keep from failing another time.4. Decide if you want to try again.-5. Try again using your new idea.










NOTE: These role plays will almost have to be done as solo-capsules since theyare a "thinking" process; or have students bounce thoughts off a friend.)

At Job Corps

1. You want to have your GED by Christmas leave so that you can make your mother proud.You took the test in October and did not pass. You have one more chance before theholidays.

2. Everyone of your friends is selected to be on a team but you are not, even though you triedout also. (Could be a sports team, academic olympics team, or other type of team).

In the Community

1. You were sent to represent Job Corps (or your team, or employer) at a community event.You gave a terrible speech.

2. Your neighborhood league is counting on you. You are the key player. You play terribly 1111your team looses.

On the Job

1. You apply for a job that seems perfect for you the right work and the right company.You are not hired.

2. Your supervisor assigns you a project. After reviewing it, he is not pleased with your work.


1. Last week you were turned down for a date. The Valentine's Sweetheart Ball is next weekand you need a date to go with you.

2. You planned a party, invited lots of friends, and nobody came.


air



When you fail a test, what are some of the choices you have so that you do notfail again?

Can you name some situations when failure may not be your fault, where youcould not have changed the situation?

In the past, you have not been successful at many things and your parentsthink you are a failure. How do you change your parents' minds?

Your best friend has low self-esteem and feels like a failure all the time. Howdo you help him/her become a success?









AA




Modeling



Role Playing




46. R

es o

ndin

g to

Fai

lure

I fi

gure

out

the

reas

ons

why

I f

aile

d at

som

ethi

ng a

nd p

lan

way

s th

at I

can

succ

eed

next

tim

e.

1---

-- STE

PS T

O R

ESP

ON

DIN

GT

O F

AIL

UR

E

1.D

ecid

e if

you

hav

e fa

iled

atso

met

hing

.

2.T

hink

abo

ut w

hy y

ou f

aile

d.

3.T

hink

abo

ut w

hat y

ou c

ould

do

to k

eep

from

fai

ling

anot

her

time.

4.D

ecid

e if

you

wan

t to

try

agai

n.

5.T

ry a

gain

usi

ng y

our

new

idea

.

Eve

ryon

e de

als

with

fai

lure

. Whe

n yo

u fa

il at

som

ethi

ng, y

oukn

ow it

bec

ause

it is

fru

stra

ting

and

it ca

n ca

use

you

to f

eel b

ad a

bout

your

self

.

You

hav

e a

choi

ce. Y

ou c

an tu

rn f

ailu

res

into

lear

ning

expe

-ri

ence

s th

at w

ill h

elp

you

succ

eed

the

next

tim

e. T

o do

this

you

need

to id

entif

y w

hy y

ou f

aile

d. I

t may

be

beca

use

you

didn

't tr

y ha

rden

ough

, you

did

n't u

se th

e ri

ght a

ppro

ach,

or

you

wer

en't

wel

lpr

epar

ed. I

n so

me

case

s it

may

be

for

reas

ons

beyo

nd y

our

cont

rol,

and

you

shou

ldn'

t fee

l bad

abo

ut y

ours

elf

whe

n th

is h

appe

ns.

Onc

e yo

u kn

ow w

hy y

ou f

aile

d, y

ou c

an f

ind

way

s to

pre

vent

your

self

fro

m f

ailin

g th

e ne

xt ti

me.

Thi

s m

eans

you

can

try

hard

er,

use

a be

tter

appr

oach

, or

be b

ette

r pr

epar

ed. T

he n

ext t

ime

you

are

face

d w

ith a

sim

ilar

situ

atio

n, d

ecid

e ho

wyo

u ca

n us

e w

hat y

ouha

ve le

arne

d to

be

succ

essf

ul. R

emem

ber,

the

choi

ce is

your

s.

\$kilIs rt.Q..

.(ra

lobCat



NUMBER 47

Dealing WithContradictory Messages

"Do as I say, not as I do."

Common saying

U.S. Dapart.....nt a. Labor

'''''

N



, , , s,

ObjectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students attempt tocl contradictory messages in a respectful manner.

.,,,,:,w,w,ssiss

To Facilitate This Unit You Will Need:1. Social Skills Student Handbook page for Skill 47. A copy is

on the back cover of this packet. (Pass out one copy per student.)

2. To preview the video tape: (video unavailable at this time.)



4. For "Alternate Choices," large illustrations or poster of opti-cal illusions.

,", " " +.

e

.". .


la' Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( ).

lar Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.

1. Use an "Attention-Getting" activity.2. Introduce the skill.3. Describe the basic step ;Jr the skill.4. Model the skill.5. Have students role play the skill.6. Discuss how to use the skill in everyday life.7. Conclude the session.

ow If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

t' If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

555 .53,5 .0.1 %%%%%%% ;NV'S:\ '.54.*%. ',SAP.,!,k:: y.,s.." :<55,5r;:55>ss 555. S5 5,, S':, 5., 5 55 s 5,5 55

A:::i$.<:0.,:::,.5.:Z::5,;55::.,5.:r.765:;::?,::,::2gl:t

Dealing with Contradictory Messages 12

-

' z s a- * \s".iiresenta °it s-e

%,,Wskss k'k"k< ",s



2. Introduce the Skill:Contradictory messages are a part of our lives. How many times have you heard "do as I say,not as I do"? Most of the time it's very difficult to sort through contradictory messages becausethey are confusing. It's very hard to understand what the other person is trying to tell us orwants us to do when they say two different things.

Contradictory messages come in many forms. For example, a parent may tell a child not to dod. ugs because they are bad, but the parent does drugs. Your friend may tell you he really wantsyou to go to a party with him, but never calls to tell you when and where it is.

Contradictory messages may be given by one person, as in the examples above, or by differentpeople about the same situation. When more than one person is involved in giving contradic-tory messages, you need to decide who has the most authority over what you are to do. In allcases, it is important to recognize that the messages are contradictory and then try to clarifythem by telling the person that you don't understand the message, and by asking questions ifyou need to get a dear picture of what the other person wants.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Dealing with Contradictory Messages


VIDEO,

% . % ,,, ,,,,,,,


ALTERNATE CHOICES

1. Observations.Have students volunteer occasions when they received contradictory messages,or have them volunteer occasions in which they have observed others sayingone thing and doing another.

2. Optical Illusions.Most optical illusions are contradictory messages. Bring in or make up postersof your favorite optical illusions and show how they give contradictoryinformation. Materials needed: large illustrations or posters of optical illusions.







1. Decide if someone is telling two opposite things at the same time.2. Think of ways to tell the other person that you don't understand what he or she

means.3. Choose the best way to tell the person and do it.

4. Model the Skill:Model the skill using all the correct steps with a co-facilitator or a student volunteer whomyou have coached on the part he or she will play. Think of a situation, or use one of thesuggestions on the opposite page (--0.








5 I Dealing with Contradictory Messages1 -%

6 5

At Job Corps

1. Your teacher keeps telling you that you are doing well in class. When you get to P/PEP,you find out this teacher gave you a bad evaluation.

2. Your dorm president tells you to be present at a meeting at 7:00 p.m. Later, you get amessage in your mailbox from your counselor who has set up an appointment for you atthe same time.

In the Community

1. Your parents keep telling you they don't want you to use drugs or alcohol because they arebad for you, but you know your parents keep and use both alcohol and drugs in the house.

2. You want to join a group/club that advertises that they do not discriminate. When you goto join, the members give you a bad time and you notice that they are all a different racefrom you.

On the Job

1. You are told that the most important thing in your job is to be good to the customers. Afterbeing at the job for awhile you notice that the workers who contribute most to the sales arethe ones who get promoted, even if they treat the customers poorly. There is no connectionbetween being good to the customers and being promoted.

2. Your supervisor tells you that you are not appropriately dressed for the job, but thesupervisor is wearing the same type of clothes you have on.


1. You are wearing new clothes and have a new haircut. You ask your friend how you look.Your friend says, "Gee, you look great!" but is frowning at the same time.

2. Someone you've met is always very friendly with you and constantly talks about gettingtogether to do something with you, but never quite manages to invite you to do anything.



Ask the students to think of other situations in their lives where they can use this skill.

Ask questions such as:

What do you do when two staff members give you contradictory instructions?

Your boss gave you contradictory instructions on how to do a project and youdidn't bother to clarify them. You didn't do the project right. How do youexplain this to your boss?

Your mother and dad usually don't agree on what you should or should not beallowed to do, and you get caught in the middle. How do you deal with this?

Can you think of a situation where you have given contradictory messages?








7 I Dealing with Contradictory Messages



Modeling



Role Playing

1. Role playing gives the opportunity to practice how to do something correctly. This

is done through acting.2. Relax. Most students enjoy role playing.3. Keep the role playing focused on the skill.4. Coach the role players as necessary.5. Let the role players improvise; don't create scripts.

6. Let students volunteer their own ideas.

7. Praise correct use of the skill.


47. D

ealin

g W

ith C

ontr

adic

tory

Mes

sage

sI

try

to c

lari

fy c

ontr

adic

tory

mes

sage

s in

a r

espe

ctfu

l way

.

STE

PS T

O D

EA

LIN

GW

ITH

CO

NT

RA

DIC

TO

RY

ME

SSA

GE

S

1.D

ecid

e if

som

eone

is te

lling

two

oppo

site

thin

gs a

t the

sam

e tim

e.

2.,

Thi

nk o

f w

ays

to te

ll th

e ot

her

pers

on th

at y

ou d

on't

unde

rsta

ndw

hat h

e or

she

mea

ns.

Cho

ose

the

best

way

to te

ll th

epe

rson

and

do

it.

We

all r

ecei

ve c

ontr

adic

tory

mes

sage

s in

man

y di

ffer

ent

way

s fr

om o

ur f

rien

ds, p

aren

ts, t

he m

edia

, cur

rent

eve

nts,

etc.

Whe

n yo

u re

ceiv

e a

cont

radi

ctor

ym

essa

ge, i

t's im

port

ant f

or y

outo

rec

ogni

ze th

at y

ou a

re g

ettin

g a

mes

sage

that

doe

s no

t mak

ese

nse.

To

bette

r un

ders

tand

wha

t you

are

bei

ng to

ld o

r w

hat y

ou a

reex

pect

ed to

do,

you

nee

d to

tell

the

pers

ons

givi

ng y

ou c

ontr

adic

-to

ry m

essa

ges

that

you

don

't un

ders

tand

wha

t the

yar

e sa

ying

or

wha

t the

y w

ant y

ou to

do.

Cho

ose

the

best

tim

e an

dpl

ace

to ta

lkab

out t

his

and

mak

e su

re y

ou te

ll th

epe

rson

s in

a r

espe

ctfu

l way

that

you

don

't un

ders

tand

.

I

'us r\$1 Pc vS. 4o -oc ., act.. ,...

Curt



NUMBER 48

Dealing With an Accusation

"When you point your finger at someone else,you should always remember that three ofyour fingers are pointing at yourself."

U.S. Dopartmont of Labor

Author unknown

1

GO

4e



, , 575, > 75 " . 7,5 7> N., 1.

s , ,, ' "

Obj ectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students attempt tofigure out what they have been accused of and why, and thenchoose a way to respond that is clear and fair.






, .7: s, , , , ,, s." , ss: "4. ,,,,,7 .454.74,y, Asks, .55 . .5 .5.. ,,,,,


Ea' Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( ).

ow Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.


Ecw If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

Ear. If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

This hoohletwssiirsiiiiiiii*doisui,:tkis

sss, 4544141,1°-

Dealing with an Accusation 12

1




Dealing with an accusation is difficult because it is upsetting to have somebody tell you thatyou did something wrong. It makes you feel bad and it may make you angry or embarrassed.

When dealing with an accusation you are dealing with both your feelings about the situationand the feelings of the other person who is making the accusations. This means you may beresponding to someone else's anger, frustration, or other feelings.

Remember when dealing with an accusation to keep your own feelings under control.Separate feelings from facts try to understand what the other person is feeling and whatexactly they think you did or did not do. Then you need to deal with both the feelings of theother person and the facts what you are being accused of.

You need to think about whether the accusation does apply to something you have done ornot, and ask for clarification if you don't understand why. Yoti need to respond to the otherperson's accusation in a manner that is dear and fair. If you are at fault, you need to acceptresponsibility for your actions and try to make amends. If you aren't, you need to choose thebest way possible to indicate to the other person that you understand his/her feelings andthen explain why the accusation is not correct.

Remember, even though it is hard to do, keep your emotions and behavior under controlthroughout the process. It will make you feel better, not escalate the problem, and helpresolve the issue.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Dealing with an Accusation

j'15

VIDEO

1. Video #6In this "rap" video three students who have been accused of having and usingdrugs on Center by their roommate (who is covering his own guilt) discuss thebest way to deal with the situation.

ALTERNATE CHOICES

1. A Staged Accusation, Part I.(Note: Pre-select one student and prepare the student for what you are goingto do so that the student does not react to you.) Come to the group meetingseveral minutes late. Burst into the room and in an angry manner, startaccusing the pre-selected student of a variety of things. Make the accusationsbelievable. Abruptly stop and ask the dass what they think you were doing,how they felt and how they think the student being accused felt.

2. A Staged Accusation, Part II.Set up in advance for one student to accuse another and cause a disruption inclass.


Dealing with an Accusation 4

t,Pr es n , ,sv's ,0.\,1-,1,





1. Think about what the other person has accused you of.2. Think about why the person might have accused you.3. Think about ways to answer the person's accusation.4. Choose what you think is the best way and do it.

4. Model the Skill:Model the skill using all the correct steps with a co-facilitator or a student volunteer whomyou have coached on the part he or she will play. Mink of a situation, use one of thesuggestions on the opposite page (-4).

Have the students point out how you used the basic steps of the skill in -hemodeling activity.








1 7

At Job Corps

1. One of the dorm leaders accuses you of not completing your dorm duties. He says it wasyour fault the dorm lost the "dorm of the month" award.

2. A' staff member accuses you of violating a rule. You are with someone you are trying toimpress when this happens.

In the Community

1. A store clerk accuses you of shoplifting.

2. A police officer stops you and accuses you of being "high" and wants to arrest you.

On the Job

1 Your boss accuses you of not helping customers and losing sales.

2. A fellow worker accuses you of sexual harrassment. You are with a group of co-workerswhen this happens.


1. Your best friend accuses you of lying to him.

2. Your friend's mother accuses you of being a bad influence on your friend. (Your friend ispresent.)

Dealing with an Accusation I 6

13



If you are falsely accused of something, how would you convince the otherperson it is not true?

You are accused of doing something you did do, but you thought nobody hadseen you do it. What do you do?

How do you feel when you are unjustly accused of doing something.

Can you think of situations when you have accused other people? If you ac-cused them unfairly, how did you feel?









1+)'



Modeling



Role Playing.. ....... .




48. D

ealin

g W

ith A

n A

ccus

atio

nI

try

to c

lari

fy w

hat I

hav

e be

en a

ccus

ed o

f an

d to

und

erst

and

why

. The

n, I

choo

se a

way

to r

espo

nd th

at is

cle

ar a

nd f

air.

:41

; i : A% rz

STE

PS T

O D

EA

LIN

GW

ITH

AN

AC

CU

SAT

ION

1.nt

h* a

bout

wha

t the

oth

erpe

rson

has

acc

used

you

of.

2.'M

it& a

bout

why

the

pers

onm

ight

hav

e ac

cuse

d yo

u.

3.th

ink

abou

t way

s to

ans

wer

the

pers

on's

acc

usat

ion.

4.C

hoos

e w

hat y

ou th

ink

is th

ebe

st w

ay a

nd d

o it.

1110

101V

itillk

Dea

ling

with

an

accu

satio

n is

dif

ficu

lt be

caus

e it

is u

pset

-tin

g to

hav

e so

meb

ody

tell

you

that

you

did

som

ethi

ng w

rong

.W

hen

deal

ing

with

an

accu

satio

n, y

ou a

re d

ealin

g w

ith b

oth

your

feel

ings

abo

ut th

e si

tuat

ion

and

the

feel

ings

of

the

pers

on w

ho is

accu

sing

you

.

Rem

embe

r, w

hen

deal

ing

with

an

accu

satio

n, k

eep

your

feel

ings

und

er c

ontr

ol. T

ry to

cla

rify

with

the

othe

r pe

rson

wha

tex

actly

you

are

bei

ng a

ccus

ed o

f an

d tr

y to

und

erst

and

why

.

Thi

nk a

bout

whe

ther

the

accu

satio

n do

es a

pply

to s

ome-

thin

g yo

u ha

ve d

one

or n

ot a

nd r

espo

nd in

a m

anne

r th

at is

cle

aran

d fa

ir. I

f yo

u ar

e at

fau

lt, a

ccep

t res

pons

ibili

ty a

nd tr

y to

mak

eam

ends

. If

you

are

not,

expl

ain

to th

e ot

her

pers

on th

at y

ouun

ders

tand

his

/her

fee

lings

and

then

exp

lain

why

the

accu

satio

nis

not

cor

rect

.

4illsc0_,N qc



NUMBER 49

Getting Ready for aDifficult Conversation

"'Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?'he asked. 'Begin at the beginning,' the Kingsaid, gravely,' and go on till you come to theend; then stop.'"

U.S. Department of Labor *)

Lewis Carroll

I



ObjectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students think aboutthe best way to present their point of view before a stressfulconversation, and then choose an appropriate approach.






See, :%7 0+,


ea" Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( ).

la' Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.


Ea' If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

ew If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

, . ,,,,,, , ...tti\ 1 S.. , S. ii,1.K..1., 41K\ 7C . .4:". 1 n VC'

booktitti*SAasinipii*Cuti4it*D4ktsiiiiiikklabiiatiettiet 01:4450tCa tosti4444C,1440#14,1t$01,1414***1#044k9(06:1PAO

;, ]1111/

Getting Ready for a Difficult Conversation 2

1.7




Difficult conversations make us nervous that is natural. We may get sweaty palms, afunny feeling in our stomachs, or we may get too scared to say what we want to say. We canmake difficult conversations a little easier by getting ready for them and being prepared. Theway you approach a difficult conversation has a lot to do with what happens during theconversation and what the final outcome is.

Before you go into a difficult conversation think about what you are going to discuss, howyou will feel, and how the other person will feel. Then think of different ways to say whatyou want to say, how the other person might react in each situation, and other things youmight be asked or that may come up during the conversation.

There may be a lot of ways of dealing with a difficult conversation. Choose the best way. Ifyou go into the conversation with a negative attitude, the other person will probably reactnegatively and will not want to deal with you. If you are positive, you will probably achievebetter results.

Once you have decided how to approach the conversation, practice, and be prepared. Thiswill make it easier for you and you will feel more confident. When you are prepared, you aremore calm, positive and in control of yourself. The person you are talking to will almostalways respond more positively and take you seriously.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Getting Ready for a Difficult Conversation

AS

a

VIDEO

1. Video #2In this video three female students prepare for and have a difficult conversationwith their sloppy roommate regarding her poor personal hygiene habits andhow they are affected by these habits.

ALTERNATE CHOICES

1. Most Difficult Topic.Ask each student in the group to identify the most difficult topic he/she wouldhave to discuss with another person parent, friend, employer, etc. (Note: Movethe group quickly, exercise should not take more than a couple of minutes.)

2. Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.Ask students if they have ever broken up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Askhow they felt getting ready for the conversation. List the feelings on a flip chart.



1


v.




1. Think about how you will feel during the conversation.2. Think about how the other person will feel.3. Think about different ways you could say what you want to say.4. Think about what the other person might say back to you.5. Think about what other things might happen during the conversation.6. Choose the best approach you can think of and try it.

4. Model the Skill:Model the skill using all the correct steps with a co-facilitator or a student volunteer whomyou have coached on the part he or she will play. Think of a situation, or use one of thesuggestions on the opposite page (-.










At Job Corps

1. The CSO wants to talk to you about the fight you saw in your dorm. Your friend started thefight.

2. Another student is bullying your friend. Your friend is planning to terminate because of it.You decide to talk to the bully.

In the Community

1. Your best friend is getting "high" all the time and causing problems. You know it is just amatter of time before your friend gets caught by the police.

2. You have an appointment to meet a community representative who you know does not likeJob Corps. You have to "sell" Job Corps to the person because he is important incommunity affairs.

On the Job

1. Your p..esent job is boring and doesn't pay much. There is another more interesting jobopening up that offers more pay. You are going to talk to your boss about this job.

2. One of your co-workers has a very annoying habit that keeps distracting you and ispreventing you from doing a good job. You need to talk to your co-worker about this.


1. You want to go out with the president of your student government who is very popularand you are not. You have finally worked up the guts to ask him/her out.

2. You will be meeting an old friend that you have not seen for years. Your lives are verydifferent now. You do not know what to say.


1 1_



What would be the most difficult subject to talk about with your parents?

What physical sensations do you feel when you are getting ready for a difficultconversation?

What are some of the benefits/advantages of going through a difficult conver-sation?

What would be the most difficult subject to talk about with your boss?









I ,

a

II I



Modeling



Role Playing




49.G

ettin

g R

eady

for

aD

iffi

cult

Con

vers

atio

nI

thin

k ab

out h

ow I

will

pre

sent

my

poin

t of

view

bef

ore

I be

gin

a to

ugh

con-

vers

atio

n, a

nd th

en c

hoos

e th

e be

st w

ay.

STE

PS T

O G

ET

TIN

GR

EA

DY

FO

R A

DIF

FIC

UL

TC

ON

VE

RSA

TIO

N

1.T

hink

abo

ut h

ow y

ou w

ill f

eel

duri

ng th

e co

nver

satio

n.

2.T

hink

abo

ut h

ow th

e ot

her

pers

onw

ill f

eel.

3.T

hink

abo

ut d

iffe

rent

way

s yo

uco

uld

say

wha

t you

wan

t to

say.

4.T

hink

abo

ut w

hat t

he o

ther

per

son

mig

ht s

ay b

ack

to y

ou.

Thi

nk a

bout

wha

t oth

er th

ings

mig

ht h

appe

n du

ring

the

conv

ersa

-tio

n.

6.C

hoos

e th

e be

st a

ppro

ach

you

can

thin

k of

and

try

it.

......

......

......

......

.:"

.0,4

6:4:

:::,::

::":.,

::A:,r

.,,%

::":::

::..>

:;,..,

:::::4

4.::4

.4,4

7:::,

..

Dif

ficu

lt co

nver

satio

ns m

ake

us n

ervo

usth

at is

nat

ural

.Y

ou c

an m

ake

diff

icul

t con

vers

atio

ns a

littl

e ea

sier

for

you

rsel

f by

bein

g pr

epar

ed. T

he w

ay y

ou a

ppro

ach

a di

ffic

ult c

onve

rsat

ion

has

a lo

t to

do w

ith h

ow th

e co

nver

satio

n go

es.

To

be p

repa

red,

thin

k ab

out w

hat y

ou a

re g

oing

to d

iscu

ss a

ndho

w y

ou a

nd th

e ot

her

pers

on w

ill f

eel.

Thi

nk o

f di

ffer

ent w

ays

you

mig

ht s

ay w

hat y

ou w

ant t

o sa

y, a

nd h

ow th

e ot

her

pers

on m

ay r

eact

.

The

re m

ay b

e a

lot o

f w

ays

to d

eal w

ith a

dif

ficu

lt co

nver

sa-

tion.

Cho

ose

the

best

way

. Pra

ctic

e an

d be

pre

pare

dth

is w

ill m

ake

it ea

sier

for

you

. Be

posi

tive,

the

per-

son

you

are

talk

ing

to w

ill u

sual

lyre

spon

d be

tter

and

take

you

mor

e se

-ri

ousl

y.

by M

alan

a Lo

ng,

Pho

enix

JC

C

\$ikills rt.Q/;

co

'lob Cot'



NUMBER 50

Dealing With Group Pressure

"Be yourself. Who else is better qualified."


Frank J. Giblin, II

s



Obj ectiveThis lesson will be accomplished when the students decide todo what they believe to be best regardless of what the groupwants to do.



2. To preview the video tape: (video unavailable at this time).



" s\s.. AsA,,5*...


ga' Prepare for the lesson and obtain the necessary materials asdescribed on the opposite page ( 4-- )

ear' Follow the 7 presentation steps. They are described in full on thenext few pages.


1QT' If you do not have copies of the Social Skills Student Handbookpage for this skill for each student, use the duplication master onthe back cover of this packet.

Ew If you need further assistance in leading the modeling or role play-ing activities, please review the Hints and Reminders located on theinside back cover of this packet.

-v":44*61*,

1 .7

Dealing with Group Pressure I 2

z ::.:, ss`s,

Pi:Ointas tilts ts,




Throughout our lifetimes, we all belong to different groups. We can belong to a family group.a work group, and various social groups at the same time. For example, in Job Corps youbelong to a dorm unit group and a vocational training group. In addition, you have friendsand may belong to one or more social groups.

We all like to have a feeling of belonging and being accepted by the groups with whom weassociate. We also want to be unique and independent individuals, accepted and respectedfor who we are and the decisions we make. These two things may create conflict when grouppressure is applied.

Group pressure can be positive or negative depending on the situation. An example ofpositive group pressure would be your dormmates encouraging you to pass your GED.Examples of negative group pressure could be your friends encouraging you to go drinkingwith them or to do other things that you know are in violation of Center rules.

When you deal with group pressure, think about what the group wants you to do and whyThink of how it will affect you is it the right thing to do? You, as an individual, need todecide and you alone are responsible for your decisions.

Hopefully the groups you belong to will respect your rights as an individual and understandand accept your decisions if they are different from what the group wants to do or thinks.However, this does not always happen. You may be ridiculed or excluded by this group youwant to belong to. This is hard to take. Learning to deal with group pressure may help youminimize these situations and make you feel better about your own decisions.

CONTINUED ONPAGE 5

3 I Dealing with Group Pressure12

aI

A

VIDEO4.\


tMWA's:kUkW

ALTERNATE CHOICESS %. %

1. Looking at Group Pressure.Have the students volunteer ways in which we respond to group pressure. Inaddition to such obvious things as clothing and hairstyles, be sure to includewhat we eat, cultural expectations, laws, rules, etc. Point out that some forms ofgroup pressure are good, some bad, and many simply neutral.

2. Experiences with Group Pressure.Ask students to think about a time when they may have said "yes" when theyreally wanted to say "no." Ask them to share the experience with the group anddescribe how group pressure may have influenced their decisions.



13

\"":: .K.zivmv\ts'ekePresenla s,.





1. Think about what the group wants you to do and why.2. Decide what you want to do.3. Decide how to tell the group what you want to do.4. Tell the group what you have decided.

4. Model the Skill:Model the skill using all the correct steps with a co-facilitator or a student volunteer whomyou have coached on the part he or she will play. Think of a situation, or use one of thesuggestions on the opposite page (-+).








5 I Dealing with Group Pressure

At Job Corps

1. Your friends want you to smoke "pot" with them and won't take "no" for an answerbecause they are afraid you will tell on them if you don't participate.

2. You have developed some pretty good martial arts skills. Another Job Corps member isbeing rude and insulting to you. Your friends are urging you to teach this other person alesson.

In the Community

1. You and a group of friends are at the mall. Your friends are being loud and making stupidcomments at other shoppers. They keep pressuring you to do the same.

2. Your friends want you to help them shoplift and they are putting a lot of pressure on you toparticipate.

On the Job

1, Your co-workers expect you to join them in making fun of, and teasing the new employeewho is from a different country.

2, Your co-workers want you to slow down and not do such a good job because you aremaking them look bad.


1. You are at a party where everyone is getting a little wild. They all start urging you to dosomething you're not sure is appropriate, like drugs, sexual advances toward a date, etc.

2. Your family or friends are pressuring you to go out with this person who is well-connected,but who you don't particularly like.




Name some situations in your life when group pressure is a good thing.

Name some situations where you have gone along with group pressure and theconsequences were negative.

What are some things you should think about before you decide whether or notyou want to go along with what the group wants?

How could you respond to or support a friend who decided not to go alongwith group pressure?








7 I Dealing with Group Pressure

I

S I



Modeling



Role Playing's , z, . ' ...atabalgempaggfjo




Just

Say

To

Dru

gs j

50.

Dea

ling

With

Gro

up P

ress

ure

I m

ake

up m

y m

ind

to d

o w

hat I

thin

k is

bes

t, re

gard

less

of

wha

t the

grou

pw

ants

me

to d

o.

STE

PS T

O D

EA

LIN

GW

ITH

GR

OU

P PR

ESS

UR

E

1.m

ink

abou

t Wha

t the

grou

pw

ants

you

to d

v an

d w

hy.

2,D

etld

e w

hat y

ou w

ant t

o do

.

3.D

edde

how

to te

ll th

egr

oup

wha

t you

wan

t to

do.

4.T

ell t

hegr

oup

wha

t you

hav

ede

cide

d.

Thr

ough

out y

our

life

you

will

be

a m

embe

r of

man

y di

ffer

ent

grou

ps. W

e al

l lik

e to

hav

e a

feel

ing

of b

elon

ging

and

bei

ng a

ccep

ted

byth

egr

oup

with

who

m w

e as

soci

ate.

Som

etim

esgr

oups

may

put

pre

ssur

e on

you

to d

o ce

rtai

n th

ings

you

do n

ot f

eel c

omfo

rtab

le d

oing

. Whe

n yo

u de

al w

ith g

roup

pres

sure

,th

ink

of th

eco

nseq

uenc

es o

f yo

ur a

ctio

ns.

You

, as

an in

divi

dual

, hav

e th

e ri

ght t

o de

cide

wha

t you

wan

t to

do. R

egar

dles

s of

the

pres

sure

put

on

you

by th

e gr

oup,

you

are

resp

onsi

ble

for

your

dec

isio

ns.

Cho

ose

the

righ

tw

ay to

com

mun

icat

e yo

ur d

ecis

ion

to th

egr

oup.

It m

ay h

elp

them

to b

ette

r un

ders

tand

you

r de

cisi

on.

31

3

90 - eric1. you and your roommate have divided up the chores. but your roommate isn't doing...

Documents