5 PILLARS FOR GODLY PARENTING

“THE FATHER OF GODLY CHILDREN HAS CAUSE FOR JOY. WHAT A PLEASURE TO HAVE CHILDREN WHO ARE WISE.”

PROVERBS 23:24

1) GOD IS LOVE

GOD IS LOVE

• Begin with the end in mind – “I want a lasting relationship with you because I love you.”

• God wants a relationship with me, with us, His children

• To what lengths would He go to have that relationship?

•What is a relationship?

• The way people regard and behave toward one another

• A state of being connected

GOD IS LOVE

1 John 4:7-9

 ”Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him.”

GOD IS LOVE1 John 3:16-17 ”By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But if anyone has this world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?”

GOD IS LOVE

1 John 4:16

 ”And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.”

NEGATIVE EXAMPLESSaul with Jonathan – neglected grace and mercy

(1 Samuel 14)

David with his children – permissive and conditional

(2 Samuel 13)

GODLY PARENTING = LOVE

Godly love is NOT permissive love

• David should’ve loved enough to:

• Correct/punish Amnon

• Help Absalom work through his hatred

• Correct/punish Absalom for murder

• Reach out to Absalom for true reconciliation

• Face Absalom’s rebellion head on

• Stay involved with his children and correct their sin

GOD’S LOVE IS TWO SIDED

• Gracious

• Tender

• Predictable

• Merciful

• Unconditional

• Acceptance

• Just

• Terrible

• Not fickle or moody

• Holds accountable

• Sacrificial

• Discipline

(Despite sin) (Because of sin)

GODLY PARENTING = UNCONDITIONAL LOVE“Dads, having unconditional love means that we sacrifice our own convenience to build the conscience of our children. Love does not say, ‘do what you want!’ Love says, “I want you to do what is right and I’ll take the time to show teach you.” Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth (1 Cor. 13:6).”

-Fathering Like the Father, pg 48

GODLY PARENTING

“To love our children unconditionally we must be willing to sacrifice. If we don’t love them unconditionally we will end up sacrificing the relationship.”

-Fathering Like the Father, pg 46

2) GOD SACRIFICES

WHAT IS SACRIFICE?

• An offering meant to appease

• A seeming step back in order to advance

• Something given up or lost

• A trade-off (as in can’t be in two places at once)

• Surrender of something for the sake of something (or someone) else

God is Love

God created us

in His image

We reflect

His traits

(We love)

God created us /

We have (create)

children

God sacrifices (we)

Despite knowing our frame / knowing our children will disappoint at times

(because)

I John 4:8

Gen 1:26

I John 4:7

I John 4:9-10

Rom 3:24-25

Ps 103:14

6-05-2002Wasted the whole day fishing with Jimmy. Didn’t catch a thing.

JournalJournal

6-05-2002 Went fishing with Dad. Best day of my life!

GODLY PARENTING = SACRIFICE“True love sets boundaries, teaches right from wrong, and upholds the need for righteousness & justice.”

-Fathering like the Father, pg 48

Protection?

3) GOD PROTECTS

GOD PROTECTSPsalm 103:13-14

13 As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. 14 For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

Deuteronomy 1:31

31 and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place.’

GOD PROTECTSSociety, culture, the world’s system… not so much…

“In every corner of contemporary culture, childhood innocence is under assault. The very idea of parental protectiveness has been overwhelmed by relentless pressure from a society that seems determined to expose its young to every perversion and peril in an effort to “prepare” them for a harsh, dangerous future.”

- Saving Childhood, Michael and Diane Medved

GOD PROTECTS OUR SPIRITSHow? 3 ideas and an action:

1. Watch what you say

2. Treat them with respect

3. Avoid Unrealistic Expectations

Practice: Matthew 17:5

Daily affirmations: validate their existence, let them know they are worthy of love, instill trust in you, instill confidence in them…

GOD PROTECTS OUR HEARTS• Proverbs 19:13 A person’s own foolishness can ruin his way…

• Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is built in - in the heart of a child…

• Matthew 12:34 The mouth speaks based on contents of the heart…

Foolish behavior, inherent in children, comes from within the

heart. We can either strive to get them to conform or strive to transform.

Its roots versus shoots…

-THE DAD IN THE MIRRORHOW TO SEE YOUR HEART FOR GOD REFLECTED IN YOUR CHILDREN

PAGE 31

Fathering for Performance Fathering the Heart

Emphasis on conformity Emphasis on transformation

Atmosphere of fear Atmosphere of safety

Parental control Freedom within boundaries

Focus on present performance Focus on future development

Playing a role Being authentic

Coming down on our children Coming alongside our children

Surface interaction True communication

Assumes the worst Believes the best

Status quo Growth and change

Pronouncements from on high Questions and discussion

Uses people, “business relationship”

Intimacy and vulnerability

4) GOD DISCIPLINES

PROVERBS 3:11-12 & HEBREWS 12:5-6

11 My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction;12 For whom the LORD loves He corrects,Just as a father the son in whom he delights.

PSALM 66:10-12

10 For You, O God, have tested us; You have refined us as silver is refined.11 You brought us into the net; You laid affliction on our backs.12 You have caused men to ride over our heads; We went through fire and through water; But You brought us out to rich fulfillment.

HOW?The use of “Guardrails” enhances life

HOW?The use of “Guardrails” enhances life

• Proverbs 14:27 – healthy fear turns one away from snares of death

• Proverbs 14:12 – the way may seem right…

• Joshua 3:4 – (children) have not been there before so it is impossible to know the way…

• I Timothy 1:13 – ignorance (not knowing) is dangerous

• Psalm 16:11 – Father leads on a path of life; to full joy

DISCIPLINE

Chastening, correction, refining, affliction, Guardrails…

“Careful discipline (wisely structured rules and requirements) matched with loving punishment will show children that their will must be submissive to their parents who, in turn, submit to the will of God.”

Fathering like the Father, pg 110

DISCIPLINE

•Training to create a disciple

•Disciple: a follower – willful, voluntary, obedient

•“Follow my lead”

•Requires a leader worth following

•What makes a leader?

5) GOD LEADS

LEADERS:• May disapprove of what you do but they always let you know

they approve of you (unconditional positive regard)

• Lead by doing (example)

• Are enthusiastic about their vision and can communicate it

• Motivate others to follow by positive coaching and encouragement; by helping people reach down inside and pull out their best; people becoming their best then look up to the leader who helped them do it

• Are decisive and make sometimes unpopular decisions

• Stay the course when the going gets rough

Parenting by the Book, John Rosemond, pgs 207-208

LEADERSHIP?

LEADERSHIP:

HOW?1. Continually, with consistency

Dt 6:6-7; Ps 78:1-8

2.With preparation – be ready to answerJoshua 4:6

3.With the right timingProverbs 19:18

4.With the right example1 Thessalonians 2:10-12

GODLY PARENTING

•God Loves

•God Sacrifices

•God Protects

•God Disciplines

•God Leads

“The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise.”

Proverbs 23:24