25 life hacks that will help you gain the advantage in social situations _ he

Social situations are among the most important in our lives. Yet, there is a huge

chance that you are oblivious to the plethora of unwritten social rules that

structure everybodys behaviour. Failing to comply to these cultural imprints can

cause irreversible damage. Just following them blindly will not get you ahead.

Hacking them, however, will give you the best results possible. Therefore we bring

to you these 25 psychological life hacks that will help you gain the advantage in

social situations

1) Assume comfort in any interaction.

25 Psychological Life Hacks that Will HelpYou Gain the Advantage in Social

Situations

Our brain is an incredibly complicated instrument. Our relationship with it, is a

love-hate one. We think we have control over it but usually something

unconsciousdictates our actions.

In most of our social interactions, we find it difficult to feel comfortable among

strangers because our brain tries to protect us from exposure.

This however isnt helping us when trying to be social and meet new people, is it?

This is why assuming comfort is so powerful. Commanding your brain to feel that

you already know the person you are about to meet puts you in a position of

advantage. It increases the chances of people showing interest in you and

consequently even liking you.

2) Pay attention to peoples feet when youare approaching them.Interrupting people when they are in the middle of an important conversation is

one of the most annoying things to do. It shows that you have zero knowledge of

social dynamics whichwill lead to unpleasant social situations.

When you approach a group of people while in a conversation, pay attention to

their bodies. If they turn only their torsos and not their feet, it means they are in

the middle of an important conversation and they dont want you to interrupt

them.

If they turn both torso and feet, it means you are welcome. This is extremely

important, because the right timing in such situations may put you in a position of

advantage, especially if the conversation was boring for both sides.

3) Whenever you have an argument withsomeone, stand next to them and not in frontof them.Weve all been in situations where out of nowhere the conversation started

escalating.

Unless you love drama, I would suggest you to avoid these situations. You might

have the best argument in the world, but usually people get irritated when they feel

they are wrong.

So, whenever you feel that the argument you have with another person (especially

friends its not cool to fight with friends) creates tension, move next to them. You

wont appear much of a threat, and they will eventually calm down.

4) Whenever you need a favor, open with Ineed your help.Admit it. We all love to get others to do stuff for us. Either because we are lazy, or

because we really need some help to complete a task.

Social dynamics show that when it comes to platonic relationships, nobody really

likes an asshole. So whenever you need a favor, start your sentence with I need

your help.

In most cases, people will accept your request and help you out. This occurs

because we dont really like the guilt of not helping someone out and we do like to

be the one who is capable of helping.

5) If you want people to feel good, give themvalidation. Rephrase what they just told you.We love validation. Most of our actions are the outcome of our need for validation.

So what is the best way to get people to like you

(http://www.highexistence.com/real-secret-making-people-like/)? Give them

what they need of course. A simple example, is when you are in a conversation with

another person and he says something really important for him. After he finishes,

rephrase what he just said in your own words. This will make him think that you

are a good listener and that you are really interested in him. It makes him feel he is

the center of attention. Thats validation right there.

Why Life Hacks Dont Work If You Dont Get Your Shit Together First(http://www.highexistence.com/wake-up-from-the-matrix/)

6) If you want to get a positive responsefrom someone, nod while you talk.This one is extremely powerful and also a bit manipulative especially if the person

is suggestive. So use it with your own responsibility and in an ethical way. Getting a

positive response from someone is usually what we want. Whether it is making a

sale, or promoting a viewpoint, we always want people to get on board. Nodding

while you try to deliver your message is a powerful way to get the person to agree

with you. People usually like mimicking, so they will most probably nod back while

you talk. This will subsequently communicate to their brains that they have to

agree with you.

7) Want to see if someone is paying attentionto what you are saying? Fold your arms.

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Usually when we are in the middle of a conversation and especially if we talk about

something very important to us, we get lost in our talking and rarely pay attention

to whether the other person is following or not. So instead of losing time talking to

a person who is distracted and might not even be interested in what you are

saying, do this. Fold your arms while talking and see if the other person follows

your move. If the other person is observing you and pays attention, they will most

likely mimic you.

8) Having trouble remembering names?Repeat the other persons name during theconversation.I suck at remembering names. I usually dont even listen to the other person when

he says his name the moment we get introduced to each other. So usually, I ask a

friend to introduce himself to the person so I can listen to his name. But then I

forget it again. Awkward. Remembering names is very important because we feel

important when someone mentions us. So the moment you meet someone repeat

his name. Example: Hi my name is Alex Nice to meet you Alex. So, Alex how do

you know John? And continue to repeat his name throughout the conversation.

9) If you ask someone a question and theyonly partially answer, just wait. They willkeep talking.This is a very common situation when you dont know the other person that well or

your question wasnt clear enough. If they finish the answer without providing a full

answer, just wait. Stay silent and keep eye contact. If the tension becomes

unbearable, raise your eyebrows. It puts a bit of pressure on them but it

communicates that you show interest. It also sub-communicates that you are a

person that usually gets what he wants.

10) People usually focus on the emotion andnot on the subject.This is very useful in public speaking but also in building rapport with an

acquaintance. Whenever you introduce yourself to new people, most probably they

have already heard what you are about to say. Well thats not a problem. Even if you

want to talk about the most boring topic in the world, make sure of one thing:

Always try to evoke emotions. From my experience the 3 emotions that you want

to evoke are: Excitement Laughter: Everyone likes to laugh Intrigue: Leave a

little mystery so the other person has to invest energy to hear more. Dont be

purposely distant, but avoid verbal diarrhea.

There are many techniques to turn a boring conversation into an exciting and

intriguing one, but here are a couple of my favorites:

Pause: A lot of the time when we want to keep someones

attention, we tend to talk really fast, but this

subcommunicates neediness and nervousness. A well-placed

pause can create tension that makes your words have more

gravitas.

Tone and Inflection: No one finds monotone exciting. Switch

up your tone of voice from deep for declarative statements,

to high inflection when you want to leave them guessing.

Paint pictures and compose symphonies in their mind with

sensory details: When telling a story, take the person youre

talking to on an emotional journey by describing the colors,

sounds, textures, tastes, smells, and how they made you feel.

This will cause their mirror-neurons to fire off, making it

easier for them to imagine actually being there with you.

So if you want to be memorable, focus on the emotion behind the words. People

may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you make them feel.

READ: 8 Ways to be UBER Charismatic (http://www.highexistence.com/8-ways-to-be-uber-charismatic/)

11) Confidence is more important thanknowledge.Two young candidates walked into the interview office to apply for the same job.

The first one had a Phd, two Masters and a Bachelors degree. The second one had

just a Bachelor. The first one was kind of shy, didnt talk much, his body language

was turned inward. The second one had an upright posture, was looking the

interviewers directly in the eyes, showed a lot of interest in the job and his answers

where emitting confidence. We dont have to tell you who got the job.

12) Fake it until you make it.No one became an expert on anything over night. However, the learning process in

everything you do is accelerated by commanding your brain to think what you

want it to think. In simple words. You are what you believe you are. You are

confident if you believe you are confident You are attractive if you believe you are

attractive You are extrovert if you believe you are extrovert If you want to look

deeper into this idea look up two words. Neuroplasticity

(http://www.highexistence.com/its-all-in-your-head-how-to-take-advantage-

of-neuroplasticity/) and brain rewiring (http://www.highexistence.com/how-

porn-rewires-the-brain-is-porn-bad-for-you/).

13) Pose in a Power Stance.This is similar to the previous point, but more concrete than a mantra or belief. Go

stand in the mirror, put your hands on your hips, thrust your pelvic forward, pull

your shoulders up, back and down, open your chest, tilt your head up, and force

the biggest smile you can possibly manage to fit across your face. Even if you

consciously know youre just faking it, your brain cant tell the difference, and will

release endorphins to match your body position. This can feel silly, but it really

works

(http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?

language=en).

14) If you want to be persuasive, try andreduce the use of the words I think and Ibelieve.I dont really feel the need to elaborate on this one. Obviously these words do not

evoke confidence and the other person will most probably not take you seriously.

Change them to I know and I will instead.

15) A clean and organised environmentaffects your mood, productivity, and othersperception of who you are.How many times have you waken up without any motivation at all? How many

times have you started working on something without being able to get focused

and inspired? Next time this happens, take a look around you. Is your environment

clean and well-organized? If not, take some minutes to clean it up and put

everything into place. You will feel refreshed and reborn and productivity will spark

immediately. But not only that, you will come across as caring and punctual, two

highly esteemed traits. Why do think most of the big companies pay so much

attention to creating the best working environment for their employees? They

know what makes them happy and how it affects their productivity.

16) Want to find out which people are closeto each other within a group and who isperceived as the leader?Pay attention to who is looking at each other when everyone in the group laughs at

a joke. People instinctively look at and agree with the person they feel closest to

within the group.

17) Whenever you call a person you want tomeet, show excitement!Always have this in mind. Excitement is contagious. Why do you think the music

video from Pharrell Williams Happy got so many views and so many people

were talking about it?

People love excitement! It is like an escape from their boring lives. Never forget

that.

(You can mirror this and show disappointment if somebody lets you down, making

them painfully aware of their hurtful actions.)

18) Want to build rapport and gain respect?Match body language.This is quite a common topic among body language experts and works well if you

want to gain respect from a person that has high value.

Example:

You are in a social situation where a person has higher value among others within

the group. He is the center of attention and he totally enjoys it. How do you match

his value? By befriending him!

If you want his respect and attention the best thing to do when you approach him

is to match his body language and speaking patterns. If he has open body language

and he talks with excitement and joy, dont go there with crossed arms and with an

attitude of negating his words.

Approach him with the same amount of excitement and show openness and

interest.

19) When someone insults you, either ignorehim or mock him. Never lose temper. Alwayscontrol the frame.Haters are everywhere. The more you feed them with hate, the stronger they

become. Never lose your temper. This is a great example of how to deal with a

hater. Enjoy!

19) Stand up straight, have warm hands andalways keep eye contact. Keep a straight posture and walk like a born leader. This sub-communicates

confidence and others will respect youautomatically.

Keep your hands out of your pockets. If you dont know what to do with them, it is

better to fold your arms rather than keep them inside your pockets.

Keep your hands warm. If you have a warm hand when you shake somebodys

hand, you immediately become a more desirable person to get along with. Secret

Tip wash your hands with warm water often to keep them warm or take cold

showers. (http://www.highexistence.com/the-wim-hof-method-revealed-how-

to-consciously-control-your-immune-system/)

You have heard this a thousand times. Here is the 1001st. never lose eye contact!

Losing eye contact is like losing your confidence. One cool trick when first meeting

someone is to focus on their eye color and smile at the same time. The eyes are the

gateway to the soul, and taking the extra second to gaze shows you are confident

and present. (Be sure to move your eyes away periodically, a constant stare will

creep people out.)

20) The Benjamin Franklin Effect.The Ben Franklin effect is a psychological finding:

A person who has done someone a favor is more likely to do that person another

favor than they would be if they had received a favor from that person. Similarly,

one who harms another is more willing to harm them again than the victim is to

retaliate.

This is an unbelievable finding. In social situations, you can hack this by making

someone do something small for you, then asking for your true favor.Its such a

small favor that they will say yes, and due to cognitive dissonance their brain will

rationalize that they must like you enough to do you a favor in the first place. This

is also called the foot-in-the-door effect.

21) Dont be afraid to touch another person.Touching someone on the shoulder or their knees creates an emotional and

physical bond. Especially during moments of joy, laughter and excitement touching

positively reinforces these traits. If youre uncomfortable with touching, remember

12, fake it until you make it.

22) Use the door-in-the-face hack.

The opposite of foot-in-the-door. Make an unreasonably large request that will

most likely be turned down (but if it isnt then thats even better!), and follow up

with your true intended, more reasonable request. The other person will be more

likely to agree to the second request.

23) Always frame a request as a choice.No one likes to feel pressured into doing something they dont want to do. By

subtlety rephrasing a request, you can make the person feel like they came to the

decision on their own terms.

Homeless people who say things like, its up to you if you want to donate or not

end up making more money than those who simply ask for money. The same is

generally true for bands that offer pay what you want payment structures for

their music. They know you can easily download their music for free off the

internet, so they encourage you to pay what you feel is right.

A slightly more aggressive technique is the assumptive close:

This is a classic sales technique that can be used in any social situation. Instead of

asking for permission, do you want to donate/go on a date/get something to eat

assume that the person already does. Of course, you cant just force someone to do

something, but a leading question can nudge them in the right direction: Would

you like to donate 5 dollars or 10 dollars?

Now instead of simply saying yes or no, they have to actively deny your request and

feel like a naysayer.

24) If you work in a bar or in customerservice of any kind

(http://www.highexistence.com/recommended/five-minute-journal-review/)

The simplest hack for happiness

Want to become significantly happier in just 5 minutes perday? The 5-Minute Journal is scientifically proven to help youdo just that.

Read our review (http://www.highexistence.com/recommended/five-minute-journal-review/)

Their website (The simplest hack for happiness)

Put a mirror behind you at the counter. When an angry customer approaches you,

he will have to see himself in the mirror and will most probably calm down. Nobody

likes ruining his image.

25) Chew gum if you are nervous.Evolutionarily speaking, our brains assume that if we are eating then we arent in

any immediate danger, so the fight or flight response is weakened.

There you have it. The 25 most useful psychological life hacks that can helpyou gain advantage in social situations. Use them wisely.

This article was originally published inThe Quintessential Man (http://thequintessentialman.com), and edited for HighExistence.

(/writer/Andrian)

by Andrian (/writer/Andrian)

Andrian is the author of the best-selling book Speak Like a Leader(http://speaklikealeaderbook.com). The most comprehensive handbookon how to master the art of conversation and become a great speaker.

My Website (http://thequintessentialman.com/) My Blog Posts (/writer/Andrian)

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2

This was a delightful read. Something that should definitely be shared, and through practice androutine, I have no doubt that it will be. Cheers!

sarahamor (http://www.highexistence.com/people/sarahamormino/) (50) November 23, 2014


hacks-help-gain-advantage-

Agreed its absolutely great read..

paulette dodson (http://www.highexistence.com/people/alexjohn/) (0) March 12, 2015

Life Pro Tip: Stop Reading New Books

Friedrich Nietzsches Guide to Conquering YourExistence

social-situations/)

1



2

Some people lack confidence. Some people are picked on and bullied. There are some tools inthis article that combat these issues. It doesnt make you a sociopath.I am an actor and I use body language to portray different types of characters. To portray highclass and high confidence characters I stand very close to how #13 is described minus theunnaturally big smile. Also I speak slower and my dialogue is generally written for me to speak incomplete sentences. I make eye contact and do not shift my weight. More important than thestance I take, is the ability to stand rather still but not overly still. Often times after playing thistype of character, I will subconsciously continue to do this in my personal life for a time. Thesame is true for the opposite type of character. To portray this type of character I avoid eyecontact and am generally rather twitchy.For ethical reasons, I try not to be manipulative. Im not acting in my personal life, but when Imconfronted by a bully I have used similar techniques to change the dynamic of a potentiallyuncomfortable and unwanted situation. I believe it is unethical to use these types of behaviors toimpose your will onto people. Above all else, if you use any or all of these, remember who YOUare. Being yourself is the most powerful thing you can be. Use the information in this article to bethe best YOU you can be.

DCEEZY (http://www.highexistence.com/people/dustin/) (4) December 26, 2014



1

Most of these are things that would only work on real unconfident people that take the leastresistance way out. You should of added at the end not to fake all this stupid shit and be yourselfbecause then instead of getting with the popular people everyone likes and fitting in you canfind true friends and have a happier life.

Silvermeow (http://www.highexistence.com/people/silvermeow/) (2) July 29, 2015



1

Awesome. Thanks!

Eric (http://www.highexistence.com/people/blankey/) (1,789) September 7, 2014M



1

Yea Ive decided this is sociopathic too but society is competitive. If thats the game you like toplay its easy to learn the rules. You can transcend power plays by making a servant of yourselfor being audacious or arrogant.

jelica () (12) September 3, 2014



1

Interesting

Shahin (http://www.highexistence.com/people/shahin/) (0) September 8, 2014



1

I think socializing would be better for everyone if we didnt see frame control as a way tomanipulate others but only as a way to protect ourselves.




1

Except if everyone was protecting themselves, how would they ever open up to anyone? Nocommunication is the safest bet, and the most self protective.

Bryan Hellard (http://www.highexistence.com/people/xyver/) (297) September 5, 2014M

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1

I appreciate this article though. You have to speak the same language as others if you want toparticipate and it emphasizes freedom of mind a lot.



1

Are you a sociopath? Do you see people as objects f

phishenchips () (0) September 3, 2014

25 life hacks that will help you gain the advantage in social situations _ he

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