2.1 Communicating Effectively

Class ActivityCOMMUNICATIONIn groups of three, come up with what each

letter in the word COMMUNICATION stands for.

Communicating and RelatingRelationships that work:

Show respect – work out differences without hurting one another

Build reciprocal relationships – amount of give and take is equal, both people carry the same load

Communicate with each other

Communication is:Interactive process of sharing thoughts, ideas, and feelings in ways that produce understanding

Sending and receiving messagesTalking and listeningNonverbal messages such as hand gestures

The Communication ProcessSenders encode a message

Choose the words that will communicate your message clearly

Receivers decode a messageInterpret the sender’s words to determine their meaning

During a conversation you are a sender and a receiver

Goal of communication is to make sure that the message received is the same as the message sent

Sending Positive MessagesLook for opportunities to offer kindness,

understanding, and words of praiseIf you have trouble communicating positively:

Ask questions to clarify the points of misunderstanding

Apologize if necessaryMake another attempt at communicating your

message if the receiver agreesGive affirmations – positive expressions that

smooth the way to mutual respect, understanding, and cooperationShow kindness, give praise, and build self-esteem

Class DiscussionA friend is going to get her seventh tattoo.

You think that’s too many tattoos. When she asks you to go with her, how could you express your feelings without putting her down?

Verbal CommunicationThe expression of thoughts and feelings through spoken or written language

Be sure to choose the right wordsAvoid jargon and slang

Jargon is language that relates to a specific activity or group that most don’t understand

Avoid fillers such as “you know” “okay”

Don’t speak for othersUse “I” messages instead of “you” messages

“you” messages blameExample: instead of saying “You must thing you own the bathroom.” try saying “I never have enough time to get ready in the morning. Maybe we could work out a schedule”

When talking be aware of your:Tone of voiceHow fast you talkvolume

Nonverbal CommunicationSending messages without wordsBody language, touching, physical appearance, use of space and time

Examples of body language include: smiles, frowns, eye contact, head nods, etc.

Physical appearance tells people how you feel about yourself

Space is the distance you prefer between you and the person you talk toPrivate conversations – 18 inchesCasual conversations – more spaceIntimate conversations – less space

Purposes of Nonverbal Communication:

Substitute for wordsAdd to or stress the actual words

Example: pointingContradict what you say

Example: you say your fine, but you are slumped over and frowning

Class ActivityIn groups, create a mime that convey’s a

story using nonverbal communication. The audience will interpret the hand

gestures, facial expressions, body posture, spatial relations, eye contact, and appearance to discover the story.

AssertivenessCommunicating directly and honestly about what

you think, feel, believe, or want without showing disrespect for those of the other’s

Assertive messages don’t blame or judge othersAggressive messages are a verbal attack that

judges and tramples on the feelings of othersInsults and threats are examples

I-MessagesAssertive communicators use I-Messages

Explain facts and feelings as you see themExample: “from my viewpoint” or “as I see it”

Aggressive communicators use You-MessagesNegative or judgementalCause person receiving message to feel put-

downExample: “you ought” or “you should”

Class DiscussionWhat is relationship between tact, honesty,

and assertiveness in communication?Can a person be tactful and assertive?Can a person be tactful and honest?How can you use these three qualities

effectively?

The Key to Good CommunicationBe respectful

Be aware of your tone of voiceLet others speak without interrupting themShow you are paying attention – look person in

eye when they are talkingUse please, thank you, and excuse me

Choose the right time to talk to people

Effective ListeningMost people are poor listenersHearing is automatic while listening is voluntary (takes effort)

Listening is understandingNot paying attention is a reason for poor listening

Rules for Good ListeningPay attentionFocus on others rather than yourselfAssume that what the other person is saying is important

Give feedback that summarizes what the other person is saying

Don’t criticizeAvoid giving advice

Try to understand the other person’s point of view

Ask open questions – questions that allow them to give a response

Avoid closed questions – yes or no questions

Pay attention to nonverbal messages

Ways to ListenPassive listening – listening quietly and attentively

Nod or gesture to let them know you understandDoesn’t make comments or ask questions

Active listening – listener interacts with the speaker and pays close attention to what the speaker is saying, feeling, and doingAsks for feedbackAsks for clarification if don’t understandEmpathizes with the speaker – shows you understandAvoid judgment or giving advice

HomeworkComplete w.s. p. 34, 35 on assertive

communication and I-messages

ClassworkYou believe that you deserve a raise at work.

Based on what you’ve learned about assertive communication, develop a plan for approaching your employer for a raise.

Paying AttentionRead the situation carefully

Interpret the signalsInterpret the moodAnalyze your messages (Are you sending the

message you want to?)

ConversationImportant social skillCasual conversation (small talk): impersonal, friendly and polite, doesn’t tell people much about what you think or feel

Opinion level of conversation – reveals your thoughts and ideasFriends, family

Feelings level of conversation – talk with good friends and family about how you feel

Intimate level of conversation – share most personal and private feelingsVery close relationships

Speak for yourself, ask good questions, listen to others, be aware of nonverbal messages

In good conversation ALL participants have a chance to express their ideas

Meeting New PeopleChoose topics that are easy to talk aboutPlay an active part in the conversationAvoid talking too little or too muchBe sincere or honest

ClassworkOn the back of your assertive communication plan

from the beginning of the hour, write about your thoughts on the following statement: “Communication is like a traffic signal light.”

What happens when someone doesn’t interpret the signals?

What is a green light, yellow light, red light to communication?

What happens when someone runs a red light?How might relationships be impacted when

someone runs a communication “red light?”

2.2 Dealing With Conflict

What is Conflict?Disagreement or struggle between two or more people

Conflict is part of any close relationship

Comes from challenging situations, personality differences, and power struggles

Situational ConflictParticular situation causes a conflictCan occur from living, working, or playing together

Usually short-livedDeal with the problem and move onExample: your sibling is in the bathroom in the morning F-O-R-E-V-E-R

Personality DifferencesUsually occur over small annoyances

Example: you’re partners habit of biting their nails gets on your nerves

Power StrugglesPower is the ability to influence another

personPower struggles occur when an issue is

important to both sidesControl is the action of directing

another person’s behavior When power is the cause of conflict, the

desire for control may get in the way of a solution – this creates a power struggle

Outcomes of ConflictPositive or NegativePositive = constructive

People work together to solve a problem and reach a better understanding of each other

Negative = destructivePeople attack each other rather than the problem

Can doom a relationship

Conflict – A Part of LifeYou will experience conflict:

In your familyIn love relationshipsAmong friendsWith close coworkers

Health and ConflictConflict is unavoidable, but resolved conflict

begins to create positive feelingsAvoid negative effects of conflict which can

lead to destructive behaviorResolving conflict can heal and improve your

relationships

TIPS for controlling angerTake a deep breath and count to 10Don’t blurt out something you might regret

laterThink about what made you angryGet away from the person or situation that

made you angry until you calm downExercise – Sweat off some of your emotions!Talk to othersS-T-R-E-T-C-H yourself to see all sides of the

probelm

Why does conflict occur?Conflict happens when people want something that

requires the cooperation of others who don’t want to or are unable to give it

Three areas of conflict:Resources – two or more people are competing for

the same resource (example: time, money)Needs – personal needs and wants (example: one

person needs a friend to be their for them but the friend is unreliable)

Values – people have different values in life which creates conflict

The conflict escalatorConflict can always grow to a higher levelThe levels of conflict are:

1. avoiding each other or subject2. discuss the conflict calmly and rationally3. argue intensely and emotionally4. fight with raised voices, insulting remarks5. fight by yelling, personal insults6. fighting by pushing, hitting, throwing

things, verbal abuse

The first step: persons natural reaction to conflict

Going up!: as conflict escalates, behavior becomes more emotional, more intense, and more destructive

Getting emotionalStop! I want to get off!: some people will

avoid the issue – however this doesn’t make the problem go away

HandoutP. 29-30 (constructive and destructive

relationships)

Classwork/HomeworkRead page 123.Answer the questions on page 123 about

conflict and relationships.Complete page 38 (constructive/destructive)

Conflict Resolving StageRespect Others: understand the position of

othersAsk questions and listenDon’t criticize, blame, use sarcasm, or tease

Lower the emotional temperatureDeal with conflict ASAP so emotions don’t get

worseDon’t take it personally

Resolving ConflictWork it out together

Negotiate and compromise to turn your options into solutions Everyone involved must be willing to cooperate and

collaborate Must find common interests and goals Must have a flexible attitude about new ways of

doing things Willingness to give and get

Focus on the problem

Communication is keyMessages sent during conflict include

Offers: person is willing to give in exchange for something else

Demands: tell other person what is expected of them Threats: states negative consequence of not meeting a

demand

Take time outGo for win-win solutions: everyone benefits from

the solutionUse a mediator: impartial person who acts as a

go-between for those in conflictHelp others find fair solutions to their problems

Know when to let goSometimes you just need to forget about the conflict

– is it really important enough to fight about?

Making Conflict Work For YouLearn to deal with conflict now so you know

what to do throughout life.When you have conflict, ask:

Why is this happening?What can I do to keep the conflict from

escalating?How can I understand where the other person

is coming from?How can we meet in the middle on our

conflict?

Homework/ClassworkRead the REASON activity pages 128 and

129. Answer the “From Your Perspective”

questions on your own paper and turn in.

2.3 Maintaining Family Ties

Types of Family TiesPhysical: biological ties among parents,

children, and siblings, permanentLegal: created by birth, marriage, or

adoption, permanentEmotional: ties of feeling dedicated to and

responsible for one another, change throughout life

Family Life CycleBeginning Stage – couple with no childrenParental Stage

Expanding – couple begins having childrenDeveloping – couple cares for their children, guides

them throughout lifeLaunching – children begin leaving home

Empty nest – feeling of sadness that all children have left home

Middle Age – Children are gone, must get to know spouse again

Retirement – adjust to not working, more free time, may have less money, time to do hobbies

Attachment in FamiliesAttachment is the long-term psychological and

emotional ties between people in a close relationship

Four characteristics of attachment:Tolerance – ability to put up with a relationship,

even though it may be unpleasant at timesAcceptance – people recognize their differences

without trying o change each otherRespect – admiring others and appreciating their

differencesAffirmation and solidarity – standing together in

a relationship

Living in HarmonyShow your respectBe a problem solverGiver others the benefit of the doubtDo Not Disturb – give everyone their privacyShare household responsibilitiesMake friends, have fun, and enjoy life

Accept ResponsibilitiesAs you grow into an adult, accept all of the

responsibilities that go with it:Financial – pay your part on certain purchases

to learn responsibility Housework – do your part around the houseGoing the extra mile – do something extra for

family members

Making your family strongerPlan activities togetherShow your appreciation for family members

ActivityMake two list

Title one, “People Who Support Me”Title two, “People I Support”Where is your balance between giving and

getting support?If there is an imbalance, what could you do to

correct it?Where do you give and get the most support –

family, friends, or others?

Family Game ProjectCreate a game about your family!Follow Guidelines!

2.4 Relating to Others

Meet emotional needs: feel loved and accepted

Enrich life: share experiences, feelings, and ideas

Help you get things done: what you accomplish depends on help/support from others

Positive relationships serve significant functions in life:

Built-in relationships – through familyFamily relationships are strongest

Acquaintances – people you know but are not close to

Voluntary – you choose themInvoluntary – family, coworkers

Kinds of Relationships

Mutuality – both people contribute to feelings and actions that support the relationship

Trust – belief that others will not reject, betray, or hurt you

Self-disclosure – willingness to tell someone personal things about yourself

Relationship Qualities

rapport – feeling of ease and harmony with another person

Empathy – put yourself in another person’s position

Shared interests – if you like the same things your relationship will be easier

Take out a sheet of paper and tear into 6 pieces

Write each of the relationship qualities on the papers

Prioritize them for you!

Activity

Relationships Change Due to:Moving to a new communityA change at workPeople change.Dealing with change:

Have a positive attitude about the situationBe active and involved in daily life – learn as

much as you can and develop new relationships

Class DiscussionAre people born with the characteristics that

make for a quality friend or can people learn to become better friends over time?

Why is it hard for new people in school or in the community to find friends right away?

As you get older, do you think it becomes more or less difficult to make and maintain quality friendships?

Classwork/HomeworkRead page 153Answer questions 1-5, From Your Perspective

Relating at WorkIf coworkers enjoy working together, they tend to

be more effective workers, which makes their employer happy – this could lead to pay raises and promotions

Accept differences – no two people are alike, try to understand others attitudes and behaviors

Be professional – when at work, work!Avoid disputes – remain neutral on issues that

come up at work, don’t take sidesEstablish boundaries – don’t get too close to those

you work withLearn from mentors – people assigned to help you

at a new job

Work and FriendshipLearn company’s policy about work

relationshipsKeep friendship and work separate as much

as possibleDo not break coworkers’ confidencesAvoid gossip at workAvoid name-dropping or bragging

The Power of FriendshipsFriends can help you feel worthwhile and

valuedSometimes friendships are closer than

familiesWhen people move, family doesn’t usually

move with them, so friends become important and serve as a substitute for family members

Making New FriendsJoin organizations that you have in interest in

– this can help you make new friendsJoin a work sports teamTalk with your coworkersMake friends:

In your dorm or apartment complexPeople who provide services to youRestaurant or gyms

Keeping FriendsBe good listenerShow sympathyHave good sense of humorMake time for each otherBe honest and trustingCall or write each otherVisit themSend a birthday card!

Preserving friendshipsLet them know how much you appreciate

themIdentify and emphasize similar values

Value conflicts (valuing different things in life) threaten friendships

Make time for friends – especially during their tough times

HomeworkWorksheet page 31, “Playing Defense:

Defense Mechanisms and You”

A diverse communityPut yourself in the other persons shoes, how

would you feel if you were of another race or culture and had to be here?

Develop empathy – ability to understand what someone else is experiencingPut yourself in another’s place and try to see

things from their point of view

Similarities and DifferencesSome people won’t try to get to know others

which can lead to a prejudice – an unfair or biased opinion against othersForm opinion about individuals before or instead

of getting to know them Prejudice stems from fear, suspicion, or ignorancePrejudice can lead to discrimination – unfairly

leftout of certain groups, activities, or employment opportunities

Prejudice and discrimination are learned at an early ageLearn facts about people to overcome prejudices

homeworkWorksheet page 28-30, “Looking prejudice in

the Eye”

2.5 Examining Roles

What is a Role?Role – expected pattern of behavior associated with a person’s position in society

Given roles – automatically acquire (brother/sister/son/daughter)

Chosen roles – deliberately selected (choose to marry)

Learning RolesThrough direct teachingRole models – people you look up to that you learn attitudes and behaviors from

Role expectations – the behavior you anticipate from a certain roleExample: doctor should answer your questions

Stereotypes – standardized idea about the qualities or behavior of a certain category of peopleInaccurate role expectations

Men and Women Play Different Roles In Life:Role conflict: differing view of role expectationsOccur because roles are learned from many sources and because roles change over time

Role Tree Activity!

2.6 More Than Just Friends

What do these mean?“Like Attracts Like” “Opposites Attract”

Single LifePlatonic relationship – male/female

relationship in which there is affection, but no romance

Do things that you want to do without having to seek approval from someone else

More freedom

ActivityIn groups of all male and all female, make a

list of activities you would enjoy while out in groups.

Now star those activities that would be ok to do in a group that was both male/female.

Meeting PeopleIn the community – co-ed sports teams,

organizations, community service groupsBlind dates – being introduced to others by

people you mutually knowInteresting and funRules to follow:

Find out about your date – what are their interests? Go out with another couple the first time Meet at neutral locations until you know each other

better

In groups – less stressful than going on a date as a coupleCasual environment to get to know people

At work – try to avoid workplace dating, can get you in trouble

Dating services – answer questionnaires and you are matched up with people of similar interests

Positive Qualities to Look for When Dating

Compatibility: people who can exist together in harmony share interests, values, attitudes

Honesty: honest with self and each other, can be self without a fear of rejection

Respect: honor each other, listen to ideas and opinions without criticizing

Mutual support: help each other grow by giving encouragement

Independence: don’t limit partners interests or relationships with family and friends

DiscussionDo you think females as well as males should

ask for a date? Why or why not?

Homework/Classwork“Who Pays? (page 31-32)Think about your qualities as a “gift” that you

might wrap up and give to another person, possibly a dating partner. What qualities would you wrap up and why? What makes this gift special?

Healthy RelationshipsSimilar values, standards, interests, and

goalsMutual support – caring about each others

successes and failures, well-being, encourage each other

HonestyAutonomy – freedom to enjoy time and

activities away from each other (don’t always have to be with that person)

How do you learn to love?Through experience and observation

By receiving love from others and seeing loving relationships of others

Learning to love is a lifelong process that begins at birth

The Stages of LoveStage 1 (self love): when people take care of baby’s the baby learns they are worthy of love

Stage 2 (love of caregiver): when baby’s are cared for they gain trust and love for caregivers

Stage 3 (love of peers): as children play they become attached to playmates – this is a form of love

Stage 4 (hero worship): develop loving admiration for an older person they look up to

Stage 5 (love of the opposite gender): begins as preteens, attraction is usually short lived

Stage 6 (mature love): caring, sharing, respect, understanding, trust and commitmentDevelops over time and lasts

Planning for SuccessLearn about your partner’s interestsLearn about new activities that your not

familiar with, but your partner enjoys (example: sports)

Consider double dating

Love or Lust?Love is

Giving, not receivingTakes time to developCaring about the

other personBased on respect and

responsibilitySharingInvolves commitment

Lust (infatuation) isDevelops in an

instantConcern about

oneselfDriven by physical

desireTakingNot based on

commitment

What is mature love?People who share mature love have reached a high level of emotional development

Can begin with a physical attraction

Signs of Mature LoveSecure and Comfortable: confident, trusting, faithful

Based on shared interests: like some of the same things

Based on shared beliefs and goals: want same things in life

Highly focused on the other person: sometimes the other person is more important than selfCare about the other persons point of view, emotions, health, and happiness

Accepting but realistic: see the other person for who they really are

Responsible: each person works to make the relationship succeed

Respectful: doesn’t say things to hurt the other person

Able to put attraction in perspective: are physically attracted to person but also enjoy their company

Lasting: stands the test of time

ClassworkTogether, read pages 32-33, “ Infatuation,

Lust, or Love” and discuss the questions in groups.

HomeworkRead page 173Answer the two Using Your Resources Wisely

questionsMake a list of 20 inexpensive things you

would like to do on a date.

Developing RespectRespect develops through honest and open

communicationListen to each otherRespect each others privacy

When Relationships EndEmotions may be high: sad, angry, hurt,

anxious, relievedMay feel betrayedMay feel free

If you decide to end the relationshipTreat the other person with respect – focus on

the differences between each other, not what is wrong with the other person

Explain why you think the two of each other aren’t right for each other

Avoid person attacks, insultsDon’t give the other person false hopes of

starting the relationship again – be consistent and firm!

Homework“Beating the Break-Up Blues” (page 34)

Dealing With Feelings After a break-up:

Remember why you broke upSeek supportBe willing to apologize and forgiveBe realisticHave hope for the future

2.7 Committing to Marriage and Family

Commitmentpledge to give their relationship high priority

Are you ready for a commitment?MaturityTime – takes time to get to know the other

personEducation and career goalsShared interests and valuesSupport of family and friends

Classwork1. Make a list of values and characteristics

that you desire in a partner.2. Circle the values and characteristics that

best describe yourself3. Write a short essay describing how these

values and characteristics can help lead to a successful marriage

Thinking about Marriage?Consider the

following:ValuesExpectationsFinancesHousehold

responsibilitiesChildren

Views on parentingReligious beliefsWorkConflict resolution

Getting EngagedEngagement – promise or intention to marryTime to learn more about each other’s

similarities and differences

The engagementPurposes of engagement

Engagement is a promise or intention to marry

Time to prepare for wedding and marriage

Allows couple to address issues that will affect their lives

Learning about each other: time to make sure you really know each otherLeaves fewer surprises after the wedding

Identifying differences: identifying and dealing with differences can help you decide if differences will enhance their relationship or doom it

Developing teamwork: start thinking as “we” rather than “I”Using teamwork skills: trust, good communication skills, compromise

Establishing new relationships: include each other in family activitiesIf children are involved – get to know each other

Seeking advice: go to premarital counselingTrained professionals that help you realize reasons you are marrying

Helps reveal trouble spotsBroken engagements: 1/3 of engagements are broken better than a broken marriage

Making Wedding PlansA ceremony of significance: formal, legal expression of commitment and creation of a new family

Contracts and customs: binding agreement between two peopleOverseen by state and made official with a license

Marriage lawsRestrictions regarding minimum age, mental soundness, and certain diseases, close blood ties

Prenuptial agreementsLegal document to protect certain things in a marriageProtect property such as money or possessions

Establish ownership: says how property will be divided if divorce

Define roles: may say who will take off work to raise children, who will manage money, how major decisions will be made, etc.

The CeremonyMust fulfill legal requirementsMust fit family budgetCivil ceremony: performed by judge or justice of peace

Religious ceremonyWedding usually followed by reception to celebrate the marriage

CustomsAre different depending on ethnic background, religion, and geography

Common customs include:Exchange of rings: round ring symbolizes unity and timelessness

Engagement parties and showers: help them get started

Write own vows

Wedding ConcernsPlanning a wedding takes much time and you must manage:Managing expenses: expenses may be split by both families or the couple may pay for it on their own

Managing conflict: may disagree on wedding plan but should use communication skills to work through it

Keeping perspective: problems will come up – laugh and go on!

A successful marriage includes:CommitmentCommunicationAcceptance of each other – can’t change each

other!Compatibility – shared interestsShared decision making and responsibilityConflict resolutionTime for each otherintimacy

Group ActivityIn groups of 2-3, develop a checklist of at

least eight items that could be used to help people consider whether they’re ready to have children or not.

Rank these items from the most to least important.

Thinking About ChildrenConsider the following:

Emotional maturityDesire for parenthoodHealthManagement skillsfinances

Trends Affecting FamiliesCouples are marrying later in life than did

previous generationsIncreasing mobility – people are moving a lot!Blended familiesHome as work place and school

Parents are working from homeHomeschooling of children