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15 things wives should stop doing

In the 1960s, The Supremes recorded their hit song Stop! In the Name of Love! I remembersinging the words as a teenager: Before you break my heart think it o-o-ver

Even though Ive been married for decades now, its still important for me to consider myhusbands needs. I should think about the poss ible effects of my careless words, attitudes, andactions before I break his heart. Can you identify?

I asked some girlfriends, What should a wife stop doing if she wants to improve her marriage?This list is based on their responses.

1. Stop thinking that your way is the right way. If he does something differently, it does notmean that its wrong. When a w ife insists on having her own way, she is in essence saying, Ihave to be in control.

2. Dont put others before your husband. God designed companionship in marriage so that ahusband and wife can meet one anothers need for a close, intimate, human relationship. Heeven said in Genesis 2:18, It is not good that the man should be alone.

So what happens when you put your mother, a friend, or even a child before your spouse?Actually, you take a step (often unintentional) toward isolation in your marriage. If you choose,for example, to spend an afternoon shopping with your mom when your husband asked you towatch a football game with him, you may leave hubby feeling that he has second place in yourheart.

3. Dont expect your husband to be your girlfriend. Most men and women not only lookdifferent physically, but also have unique ways of process ing life. One example of this is the

need for conversation. I dont know about you, but sometimes Im guilty of wearing out myhusband with countless conversational details that he doesnt really care about. Now if he was agirlfriend, a ll of those details would definitely matter!

4. Dont dishonor your husband. Suggestions included: Stop all nagging and dont correct hubbyin front of others. If you finish your husbands sentences, you may be unintentionallycommunicating, I dont really care about what you have to say.

5. Stop expecting your husband to fail you as your dad failed your mom. I spent many yearswaiting for my husband to give up and walk out on me, like my dad had years earlier, said onefriend. Her unfounded fears had robbed her marriage of much joy.

6. Dont put your husband on the defensive. For example, if you are driving around a section oftown looking for a restaurant and hes obviously lost, does it really help for you to te ll him that

hes been going around the same block for the fifth time? One w ise wife said that shes learnedto be quiet in situations like this. Now, before she makes a comment, she weighs her wordsasking herself: Are my words needed? Would they be encouraging? Proverbs 10:19 says,

When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

7. Never use sex to bargain with your husband. Some women intentionally or unintentionallysay to their husbands, When I get what I want, you get sex. However, 1 Corinthians 7:4-5reminds husbands and wives that their bodies are not their own. Do not deprive one another

8. Stop reminding your husband about things over and over. Dont make him feel guilty ornitpick him about small stuff. One friend said that when we constantly remind our husbandsabout diet, weight, medication, picking up the dry cleaning, etc., we are actually acting more likehis mother than his wife.

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9. Dont make your husband earn your respect. Many women think, Ill respect him when heearns it. But theres a reason that Ephesians 5:33 says, Let the w ife see that she respects herhusband. As one friend said: If women could learn to understand that respect is a man'snative tongue, that it absolutely heals his heart and ministers to him like nothing else, it wouldmake the biggest difference in the world.

10. Stop giving your husband your long term to-do list. A colleague warns aga instoverwhelming your husband with too much information. You may unintentionally cause him tofeel like a failure, thinking that your long list means you are discontent. Or, he may incorrectlyassume that you want him to do something immediately.

11. Dont act like your spouse is a mind reader. Instead, be specific about your requests. Onebusy mom said that she used to feel overwhelmed with household chores, wishing herspouse would help her. She now realizes that the only way he knows her needs is when shetells him. Most often, she says, when I simply say, Honey, will you tuck the kids intonight while I get the kitchen cleaned up, he is glad to help. Shes discovered that a fewwords are all it takes to change a resentment-filled, stressed-out night into a team-effortbonding time.

12. Stop putting housework ahead of hubby. One young mom told her husband that shedidn't want to make love one night because she had just changed the sheets and she wantedthem to stay clean. What do you think that response said to her husband? Another woman,who puts her husband ahead of the housework, said: Do not leave the unfolded laundry on

your marriage bed.

13. Put an end to taking the lead because you think he won't take it. The first many years ofour marriage, one wife said, I would see what needed to be done and get frustrated thatmy husband would not take charge and get it done. She went on to say that shes changedby learning to wait on her husbands leadership. I really believe, she says, that our mendon't lead because we women are too quick to jump in and take care of it all.

Ephesians 5:23 says, For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head ofthe church, his body .

14. Do not expect your husband to be Prince Charming. After all, the perfect husband onlyexists in fairy tales and your marriage exists in real life. One young wife said that instead offocusing on her husbands shortcomings, shes learned to recognize the wonderful things

about him. Whats been the result? Hes been encouraged to do even more to be the man ofher dreams.

15. Never look first to a book, a plan, or a person to fix a problem in your marriage. Insteadgo to Gods Word and believe and act on the things that He says. He will lead me to anyresources I need, one woman said. God has already given us everything we need for lifeand godliness (2 Peter 1:3) but we have to live according to the promises and expect Him toshow up for us.

A question

The Bible paraphrase The Message, says in 1 Corinthians 13, Love never gives up isntalways me first, doesnt keep score of the sins of others trusts God always, always

looks for the best.

What do your words and actions say to your sweetheart about your love? Do you need tostop doing something in your marriage?

Before you answer, think it o-o-ver.

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Published: 2012-08-29 16:05:49

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