your squad car will only break down when you happen to be outside of your beat

Murphy’s Laws of Law Enforcement

Your squad car will only break down when

you happen to be outside of your beat.


The ease of service of any search warrant varies

directly with the likelihood that you are in

the wrong house.


Waterproof boots aren't.


Freebies will arrive at the station only on your day off.


The coffee machine breaks down only on

graveyard shift.


Court will be scheduled in the

middle of your days off.


Pens never leak onto old uniform

shirts.


Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the

end of shift.


New uniform shirts and ties attract

gravy and ketchup.


Perfect 10s show up to talk only when

you're busy.


You will find a “Police Discount”

one day before payday.


Bulletproof vests might be.


Shatterproof flashlights seldom

are.


The experience of your Assistant District Attorney is inversely proportional to the importance of your case

he is prosecuting.


On any day that you are filmed by a news crew, you will forget

your hat.


You never get the urge to use the bathroom

until after you have left the station.


You will remain in perfect health until

your days off.


Your portable radio will never fail until

you are involved in a foot pursuit.


Surprise inspections occur only after a

foot pursuit through the slough.


Glow-in-the-dark gun sights are just as visible to crooks hiding behind you as they are to you.


Vehicle pursuits always progress from areas of

low traffic density to areas of high traffic

density.


The Mayor will get a parking ticket only when

it is time to negotiate police salary increases.


Your only pen will run out of ink exactly at the

moment you decide to write traffic violators.


No patrol car assigned to you will be clean or have a full tank of gas.


Zippered boots break only when there are

less than three minutes until roll call.


White socks make boot zippers break.


NCIC will be down any time you see a

car listed on the hot sheet.


Coffee jitters will never plague you

until firearms qualification day.


Old squad cars never die - they just

smell that way.


Flashlight batteries never die in daylight

hours.


You will never get a bomb call until the squad is away on a training exercise.


The only time John Q. Public

wants a friendly chat is when you sit

down to eat.


Your mouthiest traffic violator of the day will be related to

the Sheriff.


Word processors only delete reports

that are nearly finished.


You will score no higher than fourth on a three-vacancy promotional exam.


Your bulletproof vest was supplied

by the lowest bidder.


You will receive a subpoena in a major felony case for

the first day of your paid-for, non-refundable vacation.


If the crooks are within pistol range,

so are you.


The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the

harder they punch, kick, and choke.


The speed at which you respond to a fight in progress is inversely

proportional to how long you have been a cop.


If you know someone who tortures small animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial rapist or he works in

Internal Affairs.


Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your

finger on the trigger will produce a semi-permanent

limp.


In a physical confrontation involving more than one officer, any police impact weapon used will strike

more cops than bad guys.


Any citizen observing an approaching police vehicle

with emergency lights showing will immediately pull into the

traffic lane needed by the officer.


Never search a dark warehouse with an officer

whose nickname is “Boom-Boom.”


Every citizen, upon learning that you are a cop, will tell you a traffic stop story that he is certain you have never

heard before.


Do unto others, but do it first.


Eat Right.Exercise Often.Die Anyway.

your squad car will only break down when you happen to be outside of your beat

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