your guide to overcoming codependence
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YOUR GUIDE TO CO-DEPENDENCEAnd how to overcome…
What is it? “Codependency is a dysfunctional
relationship with the self.“
Co-dependency is a pathological or addictive relationship to people, behaviors or things. It is the fallacy of trying to manage internal feelings in the external environment. It inhibits the ability to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.
Where Does it Come From? Developed as a Coping
Mechanism Dysfunctional family:
one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain or shame that is ignored or denied.
More than Just Families with Addictions
Adapted as a response to
Substance Addiction Mental illness Chronic physical illness Anger and Hostility Hyper Critical Environment Physical or Emotional Neglect Any Kind of Abuse
Symptoms Care Taking Low Self Worth Repression Controlling Behaviors Denial Poor Boundaries Exaggerated Sense of Responsibility Fear of Being Alone
What they learn… It's not okay to talk about problems Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to
yourself Communication is best if indirect; one person acts as
messenger between two others; known in therapy as triangulation
Be strong, good, right, perfect Make us proud beyond realistic expectations Don't be selfish Do as I say not as I do It's not okay to play or be playful Don't rock the boat
The Disconnected Brain Limbic System- the
primitive memory and emotion center.
The Prefrontal Cortex- the reasoning, evaluative center.
The Healing Space
The Upside Never accepting
responsibility Being the Special One Feeling needed Being admired as a
saint
The Down Side Intimacy problems Hyper vigilance (a
heightened awareness for potential threat/danger)
Physical illness related to stress
Broken Relationships
What a Cute Little Idol…Does it have a name?
Creator
Creation
Worship
Overcoming Co-dependency Self discovery, self
awareness, pulling away from care-taking behaviors, and being responsible for other’s moods, happiness or well being.
CR, Co-dependents Anonymous.
Education about the cycle of addiction
What A Recovered Co-Dependent Looks Like
Able to… Identify his own needs and make
a plan to meet those needs. Learn and practice good self
care. Set boundaries with love and
respect. Stay Connected without
enmeshment Sit with the discomfort of being
alone Assert his needs and desires Teach others how to respect him.
True Intimacy True intimacy is when you
are able to hold your own experience and feelings, allowing the other to hold their own experience and feelings with no fear or attempt of controlling, changing or judging the other.
To find out more…
Michelle Hollomon,
LMHCCounselor, Coach,
Author
Eastside Counseling & Coaching
8201 164th Ave NE, Suite 200
Redmond, WA
Ph: 425-999-9470
www.counselingtheeastside.com