young hearts: re-connect group jenny mckay & lisa farrelly 4th november, 2014

Young Hearts: Re-connect group Jenny McKay & Lisa Farrelly 4th November, 2014

2 Acknowledgement I acknowledge the Kaurna people as the traditional owners of this land. I acknowledge their living culture and unique role in the life of this region.

At the completion of this presentation, participants will: Be aware of Young Hearts and its re-connect program Understand what domestic violence is Understand the childs world Understand the implications of family and domestic violence on parent-child attachment Gain information on the attachment theory and the circle of security Case study: working through the re-connect program The aims and delivery format of the program Aims of presentation

Family and Domestic Violence (FDV)occurs in intimate partner or family relationships Statistically, 1 in 3 families have experienced family and domestic violence (Aust. Bureau of statistics) Domestic violence is the single biggest cause of homelessness for women in Australia The cost of domestic violence in Australia in 2013 was estimated at $15 billion Although the majority of abuse is perpetrated by men this is not always the case For todays presentation, we will be focusing on the effects on woman and children What is Family and Domestic Violence?

The forms of abuse against women often extend to the children and are often witnessed by children Witnessing FDV is a form of abuse, with short and long term consequences if there is no intervention Historically FDV was considered by authorities as a private matter, this is no longer the case and is now seen as a crime What is Family and Domestic Violence?

For those involved in FDV, it is either: Too shameful to discuss Too dangerous to discuss Too frightening to discuss (nowhere to go) For some, not recognising they are in an abusive relationship Culturally acceptable Most, including the children, live with this hidden secret often masking it well What is Family and Domestic Violence?

Physical hitting, shoving, punching, restraining, choking, stabbing or any other form of physical harm Psychological threats, intimidation, stand overs, jealousy/ possessiveness, accusations, imagining things, using children, general mind games, killing pets as a form of punishment Verbal/Emotional put downs (including publicly), name calling, manipulation to get own way, guilt, blame, fear of his anger outbursts, walking on eggshells, trying to please at all costs for fear of reaction Forms of Family Domestic Violence

Social isolation from friends and family, deprivation or restriction of transport, deprivation of employment and leisure activities Sexual forced or coerced sexual acts Economical limitation or no access to bank accounts, constant accountability of money spent or limited money given, making it difficult to maintain employment Spiritual denying access to ceremonies, land or family; preventing religious observance; forcing victims to do things against their beliefs; using religious teachings or cultural tradition as a reason for violence Forms of Family Domestic Violence

Family and Domestic Violence

The child and mothers experience Safety issues for the child/ mother Effects on the mother/child and their relationship Developmental and neurobiological effects, how this impacts on the child and their behaviour Long and short term effects Understand the child...Understand their world

Threats to wellbeing or life is a real issue to those exposed to domestic violence The most dangerous time for women and children: When the women leaves the relationship When the perpetrator perceives any loss of his power and control Ongoing safety checks with the mother and child is vital Safety Women and Children

May have to leave the family home, school, pets, belongings and job (current practice at DCP forces the mother to leave the home with her children, not the perpetrator. Safe at home program) Possible isolation from friends and family for the mother and children Difficulty for the mother to establish her authority, very passive parenting Emotional numbness, depression, physical avoidance, attachment and bond between mother and child is often not secure or non existent. Mother and child have to learn how to be with one another Implications for Mother and Child

Anger and blame towards each other and self Child may have little or no trust in the mother or her ability to protect them Difficulty trusting anyone Implications for Mother and Child

Financial hardship Family court issues Trauma responses, eg: mother triggered by childs anger and responds by attacking Grief and loss Implications for Mother and Child

If the child feels safe once the mother has left the abusive relationship, the feelings they couldn't express in the abusive environment begin to surface, usually shows the worst behaviour to whom they feel most safe with Mother can react to a child as if they are the ex partner, ie. if they look/behave similar, can be categorized as just like his/her father May still be living in fear (threats, VROs) Feelings of shame and guilt by children and mother, ie. child I should have stopped Dad hitting mum. Mother: I should have left sooner and not put my kids through all this... Self loathing Implications for Mother and Child

The number one predictor of a childs insecure attachment relates to the parents unresolved grief or trauma. It is not important what has happened to the parent, but what sense they have made of it. Implications for Mother and Child

Attachment theory Attachment is an emotional bond to another person, a lasting psychological connectedness between human beings. Developed by John Bowlby in 1969. Individuals attachment style is developed during childhood Influenced by the childs relationships with primary caregivers Earliest bonds formed by children with caregivers have a major impact that continues throughout life influencing the way that individual related to others during their lifespan. The success of the attachment bond depends on the caregivers ability to understand and respond to the childs physical and emotional needs

Attachment theory (continued) Characteristics of attachment styles Secure attachment - is marked by distress when separated from caregivers and are joy when the caregiver returns. These children feel secure and able to depend on their adult caregivers. When the adult leaves, the child may be upset but he or she feels assured that the parent or caregiver will return. When frightened, securely attached children will seek comfort from caregivers. These children know their parent or caregiver will provide comfort and reassurance, so they are comfortable seeking them out in times of need. Ambivalent attachment - children usually become very distressed when a parent leaves. Research suggests that ambivalent attachment is a result of poor maternal availability. These children cannot depend on their mother (or caregiver) to be there when the child is in need.

Attachment theory (continued) Avoidant attachment - Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers. When offered a choice, these children will show no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. Research has suggested that this attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future. Disorganised attachment - Children with a disorganised attachment often display a confusing mix of behaviour and may seem disoriented, dazed, or confused. Children may both avoid or resist the parent. Some researchers believe that the lack of a clear attachment pattern is likely linked to inconsistent behaviour from caregivers. In such cases, parents may serve as both a source of comfort and a source of fear, leading to disorganised behaviour.

Circle of security

Case study Jade is 11 years old and is an only child Jades dad left when she was 2 year old and she now lives with her mother fulltime and has not seen her father for 2 years Mum has a new partner that works FIFO but he spends most of his time with Jade and her mum when he is home. Jades mum was subjected to verbal, emotional and physical violence from her husband for many years. He hit her so hard across the head one day that she permanently lost her hearing in one ear. Jades dad would not allow her mum to attend to her when she cried and he held her down on occasions to keep her away from Jade, allowing Jade to become distressed.

Case study (continued) Dad became violent towards Jade. Mum gained the courage to keep her daughter safe and left the relationship. Mum was brought up in a dysfunctional family and states that her parents were not here for her emotionally. She was never hugged nor had she heard the words I love you from them. Jade was scared of staying with dad as he was still physically abusive to her insisting that Jade give him information about her mum and where they lived. He would pull her hair until she gave him the information that he wanted. Mum insisted that Jade spend time with her dad knowing that she was fearful. Jade began Young Hearts counselling 2 years ago.

Case study (continued) Jade spoke of her fear of dad and how mum was not there to help her and in fact put her in danger Mum was described as not caring and Jade stated that mum was always on her computer or with her partner and Jade was not getting any attention from mum. Jade was not able to make strong friendships at school and she was struggling academically. Jade and her mum were invited to attend the 6 week Young Hearts reconnect group

Re-connect program 6 children and their non-offending parent 2 facilitators (counsellors) Outcomes sought: Week 1 Trust Week 2Touch and trust Week 3Touch and connection Week 4Communication Week 5Consolidation Week 6Have fun with each other

Re-connect program for Jade & her mum Week 1 Trust Icebreakers getting to know each of the group members Group setting their own guidelines ensuring that trust is built around issues such as confidentiality, respect for each other, safety, having fun Balloon tennis Jade and her mum were opposite each other and their gaze met during the game (Activity)

The re-connect program (continued) Figurine strengths Jade and her mum chose animal figurines to depict the strengths they saw in each other that helped them to get through the domestic violence. (activity)

The re-connect program (continued) The lolly game each of them encourages the other to gather as many lollies from a central bowl when their number was called. Together they would share their booty. Check out giving the group a word or phrase to describe how the felt at that time

The re-connect program (continued) Week 2 Touch and trust Reflection on changes during their week Guided relaxation visualisation both were asked to close their eyes and listen and respond to the relaxation activity Pin the tail on the donkey Jade was blindfolded and mum had to lead her through and obstacle course. Instructions were then given for Jade to find where to pin the tail. The roles would then be reversed. Dot to dot Mum would stand behind Jade who was blindfolded and hold her hand. She would guide her hand through the dot to dot drawing. Jade needed to guage her anxiety with mum standing behind her, being blindfolded and lead by her mum. (activity)

The re-connect program (continued) Week 3 Touch and connection Hand painting each were asked to place their hands on the canvas though each other. They need to choose the shapes, colours, design and paint it together.

The re-connect program (continued) Facial copying standing opposite, looking at each other, coping the facial expression, movement of eyes etc. Each takes turns. This required both to have eye contact. Musical chairs The traditional game where a number of competitive natures shone through. Mother and child would cheer and encourage each other when they were out of the game themselves.

The re-connect program (continued) Week 4 Communication Treasure hunt Jade and her mum were given written cryptic clues that they had to solve together and then find the hidden treasure. Communication discussion Information was given on communication styles. Jade joined the children and mum joined the other mums in discussing how they felt their communication was with each other. The facilitator wrote these onto butchers paper and then delivered it back to the other group as a general overview when the group came back together. Comments were kept anonymous. Feelings quoits Each quoit game has five spikes that are named with a different feeling. Jade and her mum took turns at throwing the quoit on and discussing a time when they felt that way. This opened the path to discuss certain events.

The re-connect program (continued) Lego building Mum and Jade would sit back to back. Jade built a shape from selected lego bricks and then described to mum how to build the same shape. This helped them to develop skills in communicating instructions to each other and gave Jade the skills of being able to tell mum what she needed. They took turns in doing this.

The re-connect program (continued) Week 5 - Consolidation Three legged soccer game inside legs are tied together, putting their arm around each other they kick a ball around a relay path and kick the ball into a pre-drawn goal. Pop stick game A pop stick is placed between the Jade and her mum and she leads her mum around the room communicating only with her body. Hangman Mum stood behind Jade who was looking away from the hangman puzzle and was asked to write the letters on Jades back that corresponded with the hangman puzzle. Jade had to communicate what she felt had been written until the puzzle was completed.

The re-connect program (continued) Lolly hockey Jade and mum had flexi straws that were bent like hockey sticks. They placed an M&M on the table and they had to hit it into a goal at the other persons end of the table. When Jade made the goal, mum would feed the M&M to her and visa versa. This was done also with marshmallows.

The re-connect program (continued) Week 6 Fun with each other 10 pin bowling - Jade and mum were placed on the same team with others in the group. This was a fun activity to finish off the successful 6 week program.

Results Based Assessment (RBA) Use John Brieres trauma scale Pre counselling level of trauma symptoms Post counselling decrease in level of trauma symptoms Each RBA that has been completed has shown a decrease in trauma symptoms

Question time!!

young hearts: re-connect group jenny mckay & lisa farrelly 4th november, 2014

Documents

domestic violence fdvoccurs

cost of domestic violence

presentation slide

family relationships

implications of family

experienced family

forms of abuse

form of abuse