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How to be a Conflict Survivor

WVASFAA FALL 2015 CONFERENCE

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Conflict Survival

We all have conflict!With supervisorsWith co-workersWith StudentsWith PARENTS

Why Is Conflict an Issue?

We all deal with it! It can be disruptive to our personal and professional lives

It can be disruptive to our co-workers and work places

Why Is Conflict an Issue?

ONE interpersonal interaction can be the difference between someone remaining at a school or dropping/ withdrawing

How Can We Survive Conflict?

Understand Conflict and disagreement

Understand the other person

Develop strategies for mutually beneficial outcomes. ◦ Principles derived from the Therapeutic Crisis Intervention

program at Cornell University (rccp.cornell.edu)

What Does Conflict Look Like?

Examples?

What Does Conflict Look Like?

The Stress Cycle◦ Baseline

◦ Trigger◦ Escalation

◦ Outburst◦ Recovery

What Does Conflict Look Like?

The goal is to get to Recovery◦ You have the chance to stop the cycle at any time

What Does Recovery Look Like? 3 Options

◦ Higher – Learning Happens◦ No Change◦ Lower – Damage Done

What Are Our Goals? Support Teach

What Can We Do? Ask Ourselves 4 Questions –

◦ What am I feeling right now?◦ What does the other person feel, need or want?◦ How are circumstances affecting the other person?◦ How do I best respond?

What Can We Do? Be Aware of Environmental Factors

◦ Location, Location, Location.

What Can We Do? What verbal signals are you sending?

◦ Be aware of how your actions and words could be interpreted.◦ Things come across differently to different age groups, cultures

and backgrounds.

What Can We Do?◦ What negative non-verbals are you sending?

◦ Be aware of body language, facial expression and body positioning.

What Can We Do? What Positive non-verbals can you send?

◦ Be aware of body position◦ Try to “get on their level”◦ Stance and posture can portray investment in the

conversation

What Can We Do? Use Active Listening

◦ What is active listening?◦ Show intent with body position◦ Use verbal eliciting techniques

◦ “yes, I see, go on, uh-huh”

What Can We Do? Use Active Listening

◦ Active listening is NOT◦ Throwing up roadblocks◦ Premature problem solving◦ Arguing or establishing facts◦ Giving permission◦ Time Consuming

What Not To Do Do Not Make It Personal!

◦ The problem is not about you until you make it about you!

Survival Strategies I. A.S.S.I.S.T.

◦ Isolate the situation◦ Actively Listen◦ Speak calmly and respectfully◦ Statements of understanding precede requests◦ Invite the person to consider positive outcomes◦ Space reduces pressure◦ Time

Survival Strategies When Things Escalate Quickly

◦ Manage the environment◦ Give minimal prompts to ensure safety and wellbeing of others in the

area◦ Offer a caring gesture if appropriate – offer a chair, a drink of

water to close a door, open a door, etc

Survival Strategies When Things Escalate Quickly

◦ Offer help over an immediate hurdle – a problem that can be solved immediately to alleviate stress in the other person at the moment

◦ Realize that it may be in the best interest of both parties and the school to take time away from the situation◦ Attempt to schedule an appointment or if necessary, involve superiors and/ or

campus security procedures

Survival Strategies After de-escalating conflict, then you can start problem solving

Survival Strategies I. E.S.C.A.P.E.

◦ Isolate the conversation◦ Explore the other person’s point of view◦ Summarize the feelings and content◦ Connect feelings and content◦ Alternatives discussed◦ Plan developed◦ End the interaction in a caring manner

How To Be A Conflict Survivor

Remember – ONE interaction can be the difference in a student’s educational future

It’s not about you until you make it about you.

Stop the stress cycle before it starts!

Ask yourself the 4 questions

I. A.S.S.I.S.T.

I. E.S.C.A.P.E.

Questions? Aaron Andrews Aandrews@blueridgectc.edu

For More info on the Cornell TCI Project:◦ Rccp.cornell.edu