What is Love?

Interpersonal FunS. Gentile

What is Love?

• Helen Fisher TED.COM: “Why We Love, Why We Cheat?

QUESTION: If Someone had all the qualities you desire in a partner, would you marry them if you were not IN LOVE with them?

What is Love?

• Think/Pair/Share: What is Love?

• Handout: “What is Love?”

• LOVE: When the satisfaction, security, and development of another person is as important to you as your own satisfaction, security and development, LOVE EXISTS!

Quick Test: True or False

1. True Love lasts forever

2. Love can conquer all

3. Love is a purely positive experience

4. When you fall in love, you will know it

5. When love strikes, you have no control over your behavior

Triangular Theory Of Love

• The Triangular theory of love is based on three (3) different building blocks combined which form different types of love

1. Intimacy: feelings of warmth, understanding, communication, support and sharing

2. Passion: physical arousal and desire

3. Commitment: decision to devote oneself to the relationship

Triangular Theory of Love

Some Variations

Styles of Loving

Eros (erotic lover)

1. Strong Physical Componenta. Heavily influenced by physical

appearanceb. The erotic lover searches for a person

with the right physical appearancec. Intense relationshipd. Love at first site

Ludus (Loo-Dus)

1. Treats love as an uncommitted game

a. Multiple partners

b. Ludic lovers are playful, and fun

1) they tend to play the field

Storge (Store-Gay)

1. De-emphasizes strong emotion and seeks genuine friendship that gradually leads to a real commitmenta. Storgic lovers prefer slowly developing

attachments that lead to lasting commitment

Mania

1. A demanding, possessive, and filled with fantasy…and often obsession!

2. The manic lover is demanding and possessive

a. Sometimes these lovers feel ‘out of control’

Agape (Ah-gaa-Pay)

1. Agape lovers are giving, altruistic and self-less treating love like a duty

2. The agapic lover is altruistica. Loving without concern for receiving

anything in return

Pragma

1. Practical lover seeks logically for a “good match”

2. Pragmatic lovers search for someone with the proper vital stats

a. Examples: job, age, religion, etc.)

Does Romantic Love Last?

No.

Why?

1. The love that brings a couple to a long-term partnership is not the same Love that keeps them together decades later.

2. Make certain to commit yourself to lover who is also a friend

3. Stall boredom by keeping novelty and fun in the relationships

4. Enjoy passion…just not as the sole foundation

• Before David and Catherine met, neither of them had been in love, so they were both excited when their dating relationship gradually developed into a more intimate love affair. Each was the other’s first lover, and they found sex to be both awkward and thrilling, and, within a few weeks, flushed with more romantic feelings than either of them had known, they decided to marry. But David soon became annoyed by Catherine’s apparent desire to know everything about his day. She would call him every morning and afternoon when he was at work, just to “be in touch,” and she would start to fret if he met clients over lunch or was out of the office running errands. For her part, Catherine was troubled by David’s apparent reluctance to tell her what was on his mind. He prided himself on his self-sufficiency and didn’t feel that it was necessary to tell her everything, and he began to feel crowded by her insistent probing.

• What advice can you offer David and Catherine?