Official Newsletter of

The Combined Probus Club of Murray District (Inc.)

Western Australia

Murray

Magpie April 2013

President: Brian Sydney-Smith 9537 8847

Vice-President: Valerie Green 9537 7182

Immediate Past President: Fran Snabel 9537 7461

Secretary: Shirley Boyd 9537 7066

Treasurer: Brian Martin 9531 2351

Membership: Joan Timperley 9535 5291

Registrations: Jenny Armstrong 9537 7359

Programs: Christine Norman 9537 6543

Activities: Fran Snabel 9537 7461

Interclub Liaisons: Elizabeth Ford 9537 6979

Assets: Adri Weggen 9537 7708

Historian: Tom Hoffman 9537 6526

Behind the Scenes VIPs

Book Club: Lloyd Bevis

Newsletter Editor: Sandy Bartle

Refreshments: Janice Rinaldi

The April General Meeting was held at the

Ravenswood Hotel on Tuesday 9th

April, 2013.

There were 53 members present.

Minutes of this meeting have been circulated to all members.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY

April

Ann Bevis

Neville Hayes

Roger Lloyd

Janice Rinaldi

Henry Rowell

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The pessimist complains about the wind

The optimist expects it to change

The realist adjusts the sails.

William A Ward

Sorry chaps –you are becoming extinct.

You may have read of problems with sex determination in sporting events. This is because external

appearance may for a variety of reasons, not be indicative of the true genetic sex. Also certain

criminal, deviant, psychotic and aberrant mental development has a defective sex linked genetic

basis.

It is known that the Y (male) chromosome over the millenia has been deteriorating from 1700 genes

to its current 45 and falling further, promising the eclipse of all human males within another million

years. What is true that it lost most genes early on but has been stable for several million years.

However it is not uncommon to find abnormalities in the X & Y human genetic makeup due to cross

overs or deletions of sequences during the first few cell divisions after fertilisation.

So let us examine this complex situation.

Remember a female is XX with one X (female) chromosome from each parent, and male is XY. So

how do you classify someone with an extra X such as XXY, or where one is lacking (X0)? Other

possibilities are XXX and XYY. To complicate further, some individuals may be a chimera (split

combination) with varying percentage of their total body cells possessing XX and the rest X0 or 50%

each of XX/XY.

Various mutations or deletions of sectors of the genes on X and Y give rise to recognized medical

problems such as muscular dystrophy, haemophilia, fragile X syndrome, autism.

I suppose that if males become extinct, certain physical and mental conditions will disappear.

The alternative to sexual reproduction, will be parthogenesis, where the female’s germ cell

spontaneously begins dividing. This is not uncommon in reptiles, amphibians and in 90 species of

fish, but not in vertebrates. However this leads over many generations to a build up of dangerous

mutations with poor survival rates and eventual extinction. Strangely, some female invertebrates do

posses in their chromosomes, some male DNA and can theoretically produce a male offspring.

To close on a controversial note, human parthogenesis (virgin birth) if ever discovered, could only

give rise to a female offspring.

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SOCIALLY SPEAKING

Stretch Festival in Mandurah. 2 concerts featuring our member Roger Palmer Sunday 28 April 4 pm to 6.30 pm. It is at this concert that the world premiere of the ELM song, Each Moment will be performed by the massed choirs at Mandurah Performing Arts Centre. This is the uplifting song written by Wally Bennett and Roger Palmer. It is part of the Mandurah Proms under the baton of Jonathon Welch. Saturday 11 May (time to be advised). This concert is performed by MCCS only, at Christ’s Church Mandurah. It features songs such as Ave Verum, Halelujah Chorus and a medley of songs from Les Miserables. see more details on ELM further in this newsletter

PAWA INFORMATION DAY SOUTH OF THE RIVER CLUBS

Tuesday 30th April 2013

RAAFA, Bullcreek Drive, Bullcreek

9.00.am.

PROBUS RENDEZVOUS October: 2013...Albury/ Wodonga

We will have 11 members of our club attending this function so far. Anyone else interested please contact Fran Snabel for details.

South West Get Together

November 14th

2013 Pinjarra Civic Centre

hosted by our club

further details later

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Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family...

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside,

Guido, I wan' you lissina me.

I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna DA business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa

money, a big-a home and maybe a couple-a bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with anudder man.

"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to your watch and say, 'time's up' "?

EDITORIAL;

Kitchen Kapers is back thanks to Jenny Armstrong.

Also Ann Bevis has kept her promise and supplied me with an article on one of their trips

overseas. Come on folks, I urgently need articles on anything if we are to keep this magazine

going. I am off to Norfolk Island at the end of this month, so I guess that will be in the next

magazine, unless I can prevail upon one of my fellow travellers to write something.

Probus had 4 tables at the recent Murray Music and Drama Club’s Quiz night, and all of us won

something. Christine Norman’s table was 1st, my table was 2nd and Raylee’s table was 3rd. Fran’s

table also won something – but I am not sure what!!! Roger Lloyd won first prize in the raffle,

so we all had a really good night. Good to know our brains haven’t entirely deserted us.

Sandy

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TOY STORY Is there anything that can soften your heart quicker than a teddy bear? Sweet childhood memories of

your first cuddly friend quickly spring to mind, but where did they come from in the first place?

Pictures of stuffed animal toys have been found on Egyptian pyramids, and straw and cloth-stuffed toys

became popular in the mid-18th century.

In 1092, Theodore Roosevelt was on a hunting trip in Mississippi and refused to shoot a bear. Political

cartoonist Clifford Berryman put a cartoon of the incident in the “Washington Post”.

Candy shop owner Morris Michton read the story and saw an opportunity. His wife, Rose, had been making

toy bears from plush-stuffed excelsion, using black shoe buttons for the eyes. He wrote to the President

for permission to call the toy bears “teddy bears”, as Roosevelt’s nickname was Teddy.

The bears became so popular that Michton was able to launch the ideal Novelty and Toy Company, one of

the biggest toy companies in the world.

Meanwhile, in Germany that same year, Richard Steiff saw a troupe of performing bears in the circus and

was inspired to create an upright toy bear with moveable limbs. His aunt, Mararete, had become a toy

maker by accident. She was trained as a seamstress and starting making and selling clothes. As gifts for

family and friends, she also made elephant-shaped stuffed pincushions. Noticing that children loved to

play with cushions, she put them up for sale and soon made more money from the cushions than the clothes

and started a toy company in 1880. In six years she sold over 5,000 elephants and produced other animal

designs.

Taking her nephew’s sketches for the toy bear, Margarete developed the idea and launched the new

product at the Leipzig Toy Fair in 1903. An American buyer purchased several thousand and the world’s

love of the Steiff bears began. Twelve thousand more were sold at the World’s Exhibition in St Louis.

Steiff bears looked more like real bears, whereas the American teddy bears had a cartoon appearance. To

prevent imitation, Franz Steiff invented one of the first trademarks of the 20th century, the famous

button in the ear, in 1904. A metal button with an elephant with an S-shaped trunk was attached to the

left ear of every bear.

After two years, the elephant was replaced with a blank button with the work “Steiff” on. An teddy today

with the original elephant trademark is rare and extremely valuable!

As time passed, teddy bears became flat-faced with large eyes to enhance their cuteness. When America

realised that children in crisis situation became calm when given a toy bear, they were distributed to

emergency services across the country.

As much loved by adults as by children, ladies would carry them everywhere as fashion accessories. With

collectable bears now selling for prices up the $90,000, it seems we’re still very fond of them – but maybe

that’s because there is always still that six-year-old inside us, clinging on to our favourite toy.

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REMEMBERING THE

FALLEN

As Anzac Day approaches and we pay

tribute to our fallen service men, I am

reminded of a trip Lloyd and I did in

2011 when we visited some of the

battlefields and 2,900 cemeteries of

the Western Front in France and Belgium. Some of the cemeteries are large and some

quite small but those maintained by the Commonwealth War Graves Commission are all

beautifully kept,

with neat rows of small white headstones set in immaculate lawns and garden beds

We were based in Amiens (1 ¼ hours by train from Paris) on the banks of the Somme, a

city dominated by a very large Cathedral which sustained significant damage during WW1

and the first place we visited was an imposing memorial at Thiepval commemorating

English and French soldiers who have no known grave. 16 large square pillars bear the

names of 73,367 missing who fell between July 1915 & September 1918. A small

graveyard nearby contains 300 French & 300 allied men, a

symbolic gesture to the combined forces.

Nearby is an area maintained by the Canadian Government

commemorating the efforts of a volunteer regiment from

Newfoundland. In an action on 1st July 1916 in 30 minutes

only 68 remained with all the officers killed or wounded.

This area still retains a lot of the original trenches and bomb craters and is dominated by

a statue of a caribou on a crag, emblem of the Royal Newfoundland Regiment. This action

virtually wiped out an entire generation and the Province has never really recovered from

the loss of these young men.

Close by is Pozieres, scene of more bitter fighting, now surrounded by beautiful rolling

farmland dotted with clumps of trees. In this area is the Australian memorial at Villiers

Bretonneux, an imposing white stone central tower and 2 corner pavilions linked by plain

walls that bear the names of hundreds of missing soldiers with no known graves. On the

slope leading up to the buildings is the cemetery and its rows of neat white head stones,

some bearing the inscription “Known only unto God”.

We drove past the site where the Red Baron’s plane was shot down and visited a small

cemetery where I was able to pay tribute to my uncle, Sgt John Fitzgerald, killed 30th

March, 1918. I left gum leaves, wattle and rosemary on his grave. He was 25 years old.

We went in to Belgium, visiting

Fromelles and the cemetery where the

bodies found in a nearby wood were

buried. The cemetery is surrounded by

peaceful farm land and the spire of

the local church in Fromelles stands

above the trees, a familiar sight, I am

sure to the many who viewed the

opening of the cemetery a few years

back. This is what gave us the urge to

do this trip. We went to Hill 60 where

the Australian Mining Coy set a huge

blast that blew up a German command post. The remains of the giant crater are still

there. The day finished in Ypres and a nearby cemetery called Tyne Cot, so called

because the building material resembles that of Tyne side cottages, a grey stone. This is

in Passchendale where fighting conditions were horrific, especially in winter when the

fields became quagmires and many men actually drowned in the mud where they fell.

12,000 are buried there and the names of 35,000 missing are inscribed on the walls of

the memorial. Absolutely mind numbing figures!! Again at Menin gate in Ypres itself

another huge memorial listing 50,000 missing. Ypres was a staging post with thousands

coming and going on the Menin Road.

One of the most dramatic stories we heard was that of Delville Wood or Devil’s Wood as

it became known where the beautiful South African memorial is situated. Here July 1916

4,000 South Africans were sent to defend the Wood in hastily dug trenches under

ferocious enemy fire. Six days later when they were relieved, only 143 came out

unscathed. The wood was completely shattered and only one tree remained. That is still

growing and the wood has been replanted, a beautiful peaceful area of oak trees.

I could go on but space prevents me. On our way back to the hotel that evening we drove

through a small village where Hitler lost a testicle. I often think it was such a shame the

bullet did not get him higher and the world may have avoided another bloody

confrontation a few years later!

We found this trip to be emotional and highly recommend it to anyone visiting France, but

very worth while, and it gave us a much better understanding of the conditions our

country men endured on the Western Front.

RIP

Ann Bevis

A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at the bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour.

Then, this big troublemaking truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy

and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on mate,

I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, no, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep and get to work late.

My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building to get my car, I found out it has been

stolen. The police said they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and after I get out,

I realise I have left my wallet and credit cards in there. The cab driver just drove away.

I go inside and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener, so I leave home

and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about committing suicide and putting

an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

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RESTAURANT REVIEW

Last week eight of us made the trip to Perth by train to celebrate the birthdays of Ann Bevis and

Roger Lloyd. Arriving at ’Jamie’s’, the new Jamie Oliver restaurant in William Street, we were

amazed to see a long queue outside (it was 11.30.a.m.) However , we had prebooked so were able to

go straight in and wait at the bar until our table was ready.

Very interesting decor, rustic and warehouse factory looking which unfortunately had the bad effect

of making it very noisy. A mixture of lighting, from a huge and very beautiful crystal chandelier to

plain industrial lights, set against the steel pipes running across the ceiling and the steel covers over

the airconditioning units made the room bright and airy.

A huge number of staff rushing in all directions, but extremely well organised and very friendly. Our

wait person made himself known quickly and was super helpful. He was a Pom here on a two year

working visa. Not sure whether he was trained here or in England. But he did confirm that, at this

stage, Jamie had not been here in the restaurant.

Now to the food...... A fairly broad Italian menu with numerous antipastas and pastas. Four of us

opted for a seafood pasta cooked in a bag. I found it delicious and had no complaints. One ordered

the veal scallopini but thought it was probably baby beef not true veal, so was disappointed. The

other three were also happy with their meals. Dessert was to die for and we all finished off with

coffee. Overall an excellent meal, though certainly not cheap, working out at $47.00 per head (this

however, did include a glass of wine).

Suggestions; if you go definately pre book or go after 1.30p.m. Don’t expect an intimate dining

experience and remember a lot of the seats are rustic wooden seats and quite hard on the posterior.

Easy to get to from the train as it is just around the corner from the underground station.

After all that, would I go again? Yes!

Sandy Bartle

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Editors note; As you can see I am desperate for things to print.

How about a review of your favourite restaurant?

Choir Profile of Each Living Moment vc Aim: "Giving light, lifting spirit, offering hope."

Mission: "To help people who enjoy singing to unite as a community choir, even though they may be individually dispersed throughout the World, with the shared aim of nurturing mind and body." The well-being principles, explained in brief by Dr. Bruce Lipton, upon which ELMvc was formed.

Modus Operandi: "ELMvc is a not-for-profit organisation that will utilise Internet and computer technologies to:commission or acquire melodious songs with uplifting and inspiring lyrics and harmony; provide free Choir membership, music, guidelines and tools to assist singers with their individual singing practise and video recording of performances at a time and place of their choosing;consolidate, synchronise, refine and balance the audio of videos submitted by singers at headquarters;publish consolidated Choir performances, portrayed within a computer generated virtual world, in various multi-media formats on the Internet (e.g. You Tube - video) and as an interactive model (e.g. Android tablet - computer application)."A performance by the 'virtual choir' that popularised the concept, namely; Eric Whitacre's - 'Lux Aurumque'.

Vision: "ELMvc members and those of its audience contribute to their personal well-being through their singing and/or viewing, and by engaging as a community to sustain the sharing of knowledge, information, experiences and ideas relating to the therapeutic benefits of singing." How can you run a choir free of membership subscription fees? The ELM Virtual Choir is a not-for-profit organisation, run by a dedicated team of volunteers who are motivated by altruistic ideals. Core members of this voluntary group are living with a degenerative condition or live with a person such as this. Typically, they are comfortably retired from a lifetime of paid work and do not need additional income. All music performed by the Choir will be royalty free original works or others where copyright and royalty constraints have been waived. Systems are based on, as much as possible, freeware software and low-fee or members' privately funded Internet service provision. Unavoidable operating and project costs will be kept as low as possible and will be met by donor/sponsor funding, affiliate link fees (commercial entities only) and joint venture capital. Development project costs may also be offset by Government funding grants. Why are there no auditions? The ELM Virtual Choir is a community choir of special people who share a common bond; a love of singing and a belief in the power of adopting a positive mind-set and life-style. Its modus operandi is to be inclusive rather than exclusive. The Choir's 'door' is open to all who wish to give it a go, no matter the quality of their voice and technique, in pursuit of joy and improved well-being and quality of life. As in conventional community choirs, we depend on the more expert, trained singers in our Choir to anchor each part. We encourage these more competent singers to join us with good heart, taking comfort and satisfaction that comes from supporting less capable members of the Choir. Will the quality of the Choir's performances be mediocre? No. Unlike live performances, singers in the ELM Virtual Choir enjoy many advantages, namely; - their 'conductor' directs every part explicitly, from beginning to end, and is able to verbalise instructions during a performance, - they can be uninhibited, as they can perform with complete privacy and whenever they are most able, and can record their part as many times as necessary to achieve the best, - they can avoid missing concert dates/times due to diary conflicts, - they can record and consolidate multiple takes to smooth their voice, - they will use state of the art tools with which to practise and record, - they will receive accurate and immediate feedback of tempo/pitch accuracy and be provided with analytical data during each practice/recording session, - they can hear exactly how they sound after each recording (a valuable albeit humbling advantage), - they can ensure only their best singing is returned for compilation, - their small errors of technique can be cleaned, and the quality of their voice improved using post-processing software, - the melding of voices will be smoother, as the size of the Choir is not limited by the physical size of performance venues. How did the Choir's name originate? The Bennett and Palmer families proposed and considered numerous options, before settling on 'Each Living Moment' as being the most appropriate. The suitability of the name is self-evident and reduces to the acronym ELM, on which the logo theme of an elm leaf was derived. This acronym is all the more appropriate given the Dutch Elm Disease challenge faced by the European Elm.

Viagra is now available in tea bags. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance

but it does stop your biscuit going soft.

KITCHEN KAPERS

This 3 coarse menu and recipes are supplied by Jenny Armstrong

Tomato & Crab Soup

1 tin tomato soup

1 tin crab meat (or fresh)

Sour cream

Chives or parsley

Make up soup in usual manner.

Add crab meat and heat through.

Top with sour cream and chives to serve.

Can be served and eaten chilled if required.

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Lazy Chicken Stew

Chop up vegetables as desired

Chicken thighs – cut into thirds

Place in saucepan or casserole

Add flavourings as desired i.e. black sauce, garlic, mustard etc.

Pour in a tin of Cream of Celery soup (do not add water) and stir well

If cookking on the stove top, stir frequently to prevent sticking,

then cook at a gently simmer until tender.

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Adult Icecream

1 tin condensed milk

600ml whipping cream

100 ml Baileys or Tia Maria

Crushed pistachio nuts

Whip condensed milk and cream together.

Add Baileys and give a give beating. Add nuts and freeze.

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What do you call two robbers?

A pair of knickers!!

During a recent password audit by Google, it was found that a Blond was using the following password

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyMelbourne”

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:

“HELLO, it has to be 8 characters long and include a Capital”.

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You can tell a lot about your wife by her hands

If they are around your throat she’s probably slightly ticked off!

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Hear about the man whose daughter asked him for a pet spider

so he went to the local pet shop and they were $70.

Blow that, he said, I can get one cheaper off the web.

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A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a teabreak and when he returns notices that his pick has

been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, today’s the day the teddy bears have their picks nicked.”

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MEMORIES OF BACK THEN. Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when you were growing up?' 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.' 'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?' 'It was a place called 'home,'' I explained. ! 'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could have handled it.

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card. My parents never drove me to school... I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 18. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 PM, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 am. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.... Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. My brother delivered a newspaper, seven days a week. He had to get up at 6 every morning.

Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or almost anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend: My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old lemonade bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. How many do you remember? Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car. Ignition switches on the dashboard. Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators.

Older Than Dirt Quiz:

Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.

Ratings at the bottom

1. Sweet cigarettes

2. Coffee shops with juke boxes

2a Milk bars with juke boxes [ where they made real hamburgers] 3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles

3a Home milk delivery from milk cart to your billy can [if you didn't forget to put it out] 4. Party lines on the telephone 5. Newsreels before the movie

6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning.

(There were only 2 channels [if you were fortunate]) 7. Peashooters

8. 33 rpm records 9. 45 RPM records

9a 78 RPM Records 10. Hi-fi's

11. Metal ice trays with levers 12. Blue flashbulb 13. Cork popguns

14. Wash tub wringers 15 Wood fired Coppers for boiling the clothes in

If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age

If you remembered 11-17 = You're positively ancient!

I must be 'positively ancient' but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.