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Welcome…

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Lent With St. Francis De Sales

A Close Study of

Introduction to the Devout Life

SESSION: 5

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Let us begin with a

prayer….

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Let us Recapitulate: • Devotion is PASSIONATE LOVE.

• It is possible to all irrespective of Occupation or Vocation.

• A spiritual Guide is a great help.

• It begins with INNER PURIFICATION.

• Prayer through the day and the Sacraments are means.

• Translation of Devotion into daily life thru Practice of

Virtues

• Devotion in Social Life

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Session 5

Devotion in Social Life

Part III: 17-37

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Birthing a New World of Civility

Some thing is seriously Wrong with our modern world

“ Phenomenon of INCIVILITY”

=Being hurtful to each other. Because- Infectious materialism Callous disregard for the other

True Civility (THE AWARENESS AND INTENTION TO BE

GENUINELY GOOD TO Others in our relationships in our society.)

It can usher in A New World. Devotion can give to a Society of Civility.

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Humans are Vertical and Horizontal Beings Society and inter personal relationships are hub of life. They are the locale for living out Devotion Distractions are galore

Hence we need constant effort to be focused on Devotion.

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SFS’ Vision of A true Civil World

• WE ARE CAPABLE OF LIVING A TRUE

LIFE OF DEVOTION IN THIS WORLD

And

• GIVE BIRTH TO A NEW WORLD,

a world of Civility. • SFS’ model of Civility(: Love of God,

Positive regard & gentleness towards the other) can help us in this task.

• It is A PRACTICAL HOLINESS.

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Society & Solitude Love your neighbor as yourself.

• Avoiding & Seeking Company of

others – Extremes. Not good. • Giving company is an expression of

love. • When in Company give yourself

joyfully, make your presence a joyful one.

• “If your presence is demanded by

the occasion , participate in that

in name of God. Meet your

neighbor with a joyful heart and

look at him/her lovingly.” IDL

III:24

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Types of social gatherings: Evil – Those companies with an evil intention; avoid as bees do

from a swarm of horse flies and hornets. They are like people bitten by mad dog. Their sweat, breath, saliva are dangerous, especially to the children and those of delicate constitution. Risk of devotion for the beginners with this company. •Recreational - We may devote to them the time put aside for recreation.

•Obligatory - We must modestly do our duty. Like mutual visits, meetings honoring the neighbor.

•Virtuous –

To frequent such gatherings can be of great help. Vines planted among

the olives taste olive. In the company of the virtuous

we share their good qualities. Their company helps us to grow in devotion.

Drones need the help of bees to make honey.

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Qualities to have at social gatherings:

artlessness, Sincerity, simplicity, meekness and

• modesty. • A moderate cheerfulness and

joy should dominate our dealing with others.

• Without insolence or mocking, causing others to fall, sullying

another, harassing a fool, insolent jokes and amusements

Guide line: We maintain moderation. Not to be addicted to them..

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Company with yourself: First keep company with yourself.

“To show that we love ourselves we ought to abide in ourselves when we are alone.”

When in great transactions of life, turn your mind to mental solitude.

Love the solitude of the place. Remain in your room, in your garden, or

elsewhere for a short while

to make at your will good reflections and holy thoughts or by

a short reading, to refresh your mind.

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• Friendship is highly risky, as it is based on intercommunication between the persons.

• It involves the sharing of qualities of the persons. • A good friendship requires:

mutual love, mutually known, fostered by communications. • Based on the things communicated • the types of friendship:

• Based on exchange of carnal pleasures, pleasures of senses, not worthy to be called friendships.

• Based on frivolous things-likes skills, vain

qualities, it is frivolous friendship. It folly.

• Friendships based on issues of fashions, idle talks, these friendships are transient, would soon melt like snow in the sun.

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Playful friendships between persons of two sexes with no intension of marriage. It is not a friendship. it is a vanity, an imperfection.

Danger: It is an empty, foolish affection. They open the way to sin. Why people engage: Some to satisfy their hearts with loving and being loved, some others, out of vanity, others get involved by inclination. The fact is they steal away love and consequently the heart from God, from their wife and from the husband to whom it belonged.

The tragedy: God has reserved for himself the whole

love of our souls in acknowledgement of our creation, preservation, an redemption

and he will demand a most strict account of all the mad deduction we make from it.”

Fickle love/Fond Love

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True friendship: Love everyone based on charity, but form friendships only with those who can share with virtuous things with you. The higher the virtues shared the better is the friendship. If your mutual exchanges concern charity and devotion, that friendship is precious; “ it comes from God…leads to God…and its bond will endure eternally in God.” cultivate friendships that duties oblige you with parents, relatives, neighbors, and others. Friendships based on the practice of

virtue are welcome. they are holy friendships,

they can encourage, assist, and lead one another to

perform good deeds

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Signs that a spiritual love is deteriorating:

•There is a “great perfusion of honeyed words”. There are “improper looks, sensual caresses, deep sighs, little complaints about not being loved, etc.”. The judgment is impaired, so that those afflicted believe they are acting correctly. • Those afflicted fear the light and love darkness. They seek to hide their relationship. It leaves a bitter taste, leads to carnal demands, and, if refused, leads to bitterness and hatred. Foolish loves, indecencies and impurities are evil friendships.

We must be on guard against deception in friendships especially when they are between persons of different sexes. Satan often tricks those who are in love. It may begin with virtuous love, but Without prudence fond love will first be injected, Followed by sensual love and then carnal love.

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Remedies: as soon as we sense the feelings turn away

at once and run to the cross and crown the heart with thorns so that it is not

stolen away. Do not compromise to listen. The heart and ear communicate with one another. The flow of love fallen into ear cannot be stopped in reaching heart, just as the torrent falling from the mountain top cannot be stopped. More over, our heart breaths through the ear. Your heart is offered to the Lord. Remember.

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If fallen into these friendships,

detest and resolve not do it further.

Distance yourself from the person you love.

Change of place brings change in the heart. If not able

to distance, absolutely refrain from all private

conversations, exchanges of glances, smiles, in fact

from all communications and allurements.

It is an infamous slavery, so break off the chains. If

there still some evil inclinations,

practice the prayer of presence of God. Aspire with

holy longings, read holy books. Go to confession and

communion, consult the director.

Such rude impolite breaking away

is not ingratitude.

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Counsels on Friendship : In the friendship care to be taken as there is possibility

of drawing both the good and bad from the person

we love. Separate the precious from the worthless. Jer

15:19. Behave like people who shift the gravel of the

river Tagus.

Imperfections of the friends to be carefully avoided. Like the salamander extinguishes the fire, sin destroys

the friendship. A friend is an enemy if he

leads us to sin. Whoever have the fear of God shall also have a good

friendship. sir 6:17.

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Marriage … a holy friendship.

Because in marriage there is communication of life, of work, of goods, of affection and of an indissolubly.” In this sacrament all what we need is indissoluble union of hearts, inviolable faithfulness,… should sincerely and tenderly love each other. Do not follow Adonais and Venus but follow Isaac and Rebecca. Behave chastely towards each other: “Let each one possess his own vessel in holiness.” 1 Thes4:4 Their greatest union is in Union of Prayer. Learn to use marriage bed moderately. Bees drink too much of honey and die. Do not have attachment to sex. Excessive sex is mortal sin.

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Propriety in Dress • Style - it must be in accord with

circumstances of time, age, rank, company and occasion.

• Propriety depends on decency, cleanliness, style, neatness.

• simplicity and modesty: are the greatest ornament.

• We must dress according to our state. The devout must dress in the best way but least pompous and affected.

• Widows: “He who does not wish to receive lodgers ought to remove the signboard from the lodge.”

I would have the devout adorned with grace, decency, and dignity.

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Speech/ Conversation: Communication is great social dynamic. Charity must rule our

life. Speech as a form of communication can be very uncharitable. So we have counsels on Speech.

A. Talking of God: Doctors look at tongue. Words are signs of our soul’s

quality. Like the hand moves over to the place where pain is, the conversation moves around what we love most.

When we are in love with God, we speak of God often with all. Bees delight in drawing honey, we delight in speaking of God.

St. Francis of Assisi licked his lips often pronouncing the name of God.

Speak of God reverently, always with attention and devotion. Never in thoughtless manner

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No unbecoming words from the mouth even said without any malice. It can scandalize the feeble & the weak. It spreads like a drop of oil on a piece of cloth… it is like poison entering thru ear…spoils heart. Those who have angelic virtues speak pure, polite and suitable words. Indecent words corrupt the good manners. Cf. 1 Cor 15: 33. In Conversations – be like the bees interested in making honey than being like a swarm of wasps feeding on rotten. Mild protests to indecent words…turn away the face and ears Scoffing& Ridicule contrary to charity. Devotion. Pleasant conversations with modest gaity, joyfulness. They are not to be turned to mockery. Should not spoil our devotion.

Avoid Rash Judgments and Slandering.

B. Speech to others:

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Speech:

Rash Judgments

Rash, because

we usurp the role of the Lord. We will never know the intension and consent of

the heart. They are hidden. Primarily we are to judge ourselves.

But we do opposite way.

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Reasons: Because of harshness/bitterness of heart… it is not sin…just an imperfection. Pride. They think lowering others… they rise their

honor. Like Pharisee. Lk 18: 11. Self satisfaction: think of others faults… intension is

to make others know they are have virtue… To lighten their guilt feelings…

For the sole pleasure of philosophizing morals to

exercise their intelligence. Emotions, likes and dislikes, speak well of what

they like…speak evil disliked… Jealousy, fear, ambition, …

Rash Judgment:

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Remedies: Be charitable, “drink charity as much as you can” a spiritual jaundice. Our medicine must be on affections… they must be gentle Gen 26: 7-9. Isaac playing with Rebecca. “An action will have 1000 faces, look at the most beautiful one”. IDL p. 223.

Judge always in favor of the neighbor. Joseph did not judge Mary. From a single action judging others is rash. Devout people do not judge others. They withdraw into themselves to prepare good resolutions for their own improvement. We can never judge our neighbor. We are not to judge.

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Slander:

Defaming, Backbiting, Calumniating, attributing false By exposing what is in secret, by exaggerating, badly interpreting good works, denying good of the others SFS: Slandering is “the PLAGUE OF Conversation” Ruins the good name of the neighbor. = SIN. =Murder of the social life (=reputation) of the person. Slanderer commits 3 murders: of his own soul, of the listener and of the victim. Killing his own & of listener, a spiritual murder and of the Victim, a Social murder. Both have devil in them. One on the tongue, other in ear.

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Craftiness at Calumniating… like…drawing the arrow close to shoot it with greater force. Some praise and hurt. Defamation thru Jokes most cruel of all. Slandering is like hemlock, mild poison, but mixed with wine becomes stronger. Slander mixed with jokes becomes stronger. It is viper’s poison on the lips. Ps 12: 3-4, 140:3 kills slowly, surely. Single acts do not justify labelling There should be some progress in it. Should become a habit.

Slander:

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Slander:

“There is no certainty that yesterdays sinner cannot be today’s saint. Yesterday must not judge today and today tomorrow. It is only the last day that judges all." Counsel: Regularly examine our attitude towards neighbor. Be reasonable. Be impartial and just. “Put yourself always in the place of your neighbor and your neighbor in your own place. You will judge him well.”

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• SFS praises recreation as it affords relaxation and refreshment to the body and mind.

• Eliminate stress.

• Not to allow recreation for ourselves and others is to be rude, unsociable, uncharitable.

• It stifles the soul.

• SFS Recommends:

• To go out in the fresh air, to go for a walk,

• to take part in the cheerful, friendly conversation,

• to play some musical instrument,

• singing, etc.

• They can refresh and revive us.

Recreations: Past times, Games and Balls

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SFS gives three counsels to guide

Recreations form big area of our social life. they are also a great need. Here are some useful counsels to maintain our focus on the Devotion.

In our recreational Activities

1. Use Commonsense: it gives proper order, time, place and intensity to all things.

2. Games which reward skill are fine, play in moderation with regarding time and concentration.

3. Do not make it a priority, above everything else. “ Above all, take care that you do not attach

yourself with fondness to all these games. It is wrong

to put one’s heart and affection into them and desire

them and be taken up by them , be eager for them.”

IDL III: 31. p. 233.

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Objectionable Games:

Games in which WINNING based on LUCK, like Dice, Cards, Casino. Because it relies on CHANCE. It is

an offence to reason. It is not a true recreation. Brings sadness & tension to

the loser in stead of happiness and relaxation

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Recreations that legal but dangerous Parties, Balls and Dances are morally indifferent but can lean towards evil. In Balls situation is highly favorable to evil. Keeping wake they change nights into day and days into nights up setting the following day’s work and life. There is plenty of Vanity. Each compete to excel in vanity. They are dangerous. Like Mushrooms being porous they absorb easily the poison of snakes; similarly the participants poison their hearts and souls. They scatter their spirit of devotion, weaken spiritual energies and make charity grow cold. Awaken to thousand kinds of evil attachments.

They are to be used with prudence.

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Guidance:

Use common sense and discretion in

participation.

if need to be attended, conduct yourself properly (in dance, drink, etc., be moderate, dignified, and keep a good intention). Afterwards, consider good and holy things in order to avoid temptation.

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Three basic Guidelines for our relationships:

1. Be faithful to both big and small tasks. Because we serve God both in trivial and important tasks. Do them with love for his pleasure.

2. We must suffer many great hardships for God. Resolve to give Him whatever you hold dearest if He were to ask it- your parents, your spouse, your children, your health or your life. Prepare your heart to give these things.

3. •Be patient with all the little things that happen every day- the slight insults, the inconveniences or inconsequential losses. These small trials please God when they are embraced with love.

4. The great opportunities to serve God are rare, but the little ones are quite frequent. Whether you sleep or take recreation or work, you will profit greatly in God's sight by doing all things as God wishes you to do them.

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We must preserve a just and reasonable mind. Self-love clouds our thinking and unnoticeably directs us to many little dangerous acts of injustice and iniquity. We are like the Partridges of Paphlagonia that has two hearts. We have gentle, kind heart towards us and a hard, stern and strict hart towards our neighbor.

We have two weights, one to weigh our interests with greatest possible advantage for ourselves and the other to

weigh disadvantage to him. We need to be impartial and just

in our actions. Put yourself in the shoes of the neighbor and neighbor in your shoes.

•We disapprove of our neighbors' actions but excuse ourselves for the same

things. We want the best deal when we buy something and the highest price when we sell. • 5. We must try to be fair and just in all actions- big and small. Always put ourselves into our neighbor's place and we will judge fairly.

6. resolve to examine our hearts often, to see if we are following the Golden Rule.

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How to handle our desires. • What not to desire: evil or dangerous things, honors, visions, temptations or greater sufferings. This refers to strong desires (simple wishes are of no damage). • “No one should desire means of serving God that he [or she] now lacks but rather should diligently use those he [or she] actually has.” • Be careful not to overburden your soul with too many desires, worldly (which can corrupt) or spiritual (which can cause difficulty). • As for good desires, choose with help from your director those that you can currently practice and satisfy. Francis states the wish everyone should have is “to cultivate his [or her] character such as it actually is”

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Relationships: Our life is full of relationships. We are related beings. Our social relationships are the locale for the exercise of our holiness and the pursuit of holiness.

We are related in three dimensions: with God, with ourselves and with others.

With God:

In this relationship we open our understanding to his light and our wills to his love. We go up to him to energize our selves and we descend to serve our brothers and sisters.

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our relationship with ourselves:

We are image of God, yet have imperfections. There is a struggle in us to improve/realize our image of God. We need to be aware of the inner dynamics that are at work in us. We need to spend time with our selves. We need to respect longings of our soul, the tendencies of the spirit, the tiredness of body. So SFS speaks of the physical and spiritual solitude. SFS suggests that we deal with ourselves, gently and patiently. We never get frustrated with ourselves. We need to attend to the leisure needs of our selves so as to refresh ourselves and make ourselves fit to the work and contemplation. He would say “hate sin and do not hate yourself.” “Man is crown of creation.” Holiness is integration of ourselves and it is achieved only when we collect our scattered selves in contemplation and silence.

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Relationship with others:

Salesian General Principles for governing our social relationships:

1. Our relationships should be God-centered. 2. They must enhance the practice of devotion. Not

to be a hindrance.

3. They must be based on the positive regard for the other,

4. Recognize the dignity and respect of the person.

5. Be polite in conversation. Civility is the virtue needed.

6. Be reasonable, be impartial, beyond the likes and dislikes. See the others value

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Relationship with others:

Salesian General Principles for governing our social relationships:

7. Moderation: avoid extremes- neither long for others company nor avoid it.

8. Win- Win approach: get into the shoes of the other. Charity must reign and govern.

9. Not to be too neither touchy nor sensitive especially to protect your good reputation.

10. Let charity prevail. No rash judgments, no slanders. Good of the other must be the intension.

11. Gentleness at all times: “let us walk with our brothers and companions gently, peacefully and kindly.

Avoid anger at any time. 12. Put up with imperfections, vices in others kindly.

13. No pretense, no show offs. Sincerity must be there.

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• Spiritual progress is realized in and through our social life, in our relationships, in the daily life while we rub shoulders with each other and move on.

• The practice fields for holiness are heart and the world.

• Pursuit of holiness is realized in the midst of the world, in living out our simple ordinary daily routine lives.

• SFS’ guidance on our social life can help us in our call to live Jesus and usher in the new world.

• His guidance is very practical and not on any lofty things but on ordinary things of life.

• With his “Inspired commonsense” he taught that ordinary things have power to sanctify our life.

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Recapitulation:

• Civility is a need today and SFS’ Vision of Devotion in the society can fulfill the need. New world is possible.

• Distractions to Devotion are galore. We need to be cautious.

• Moderation in seeking and giving company. Go to the gatherings as sent by God. Avoid evil gatherings. Give company to yourself.

• Holy friendships are helpful to Devotion. • Marriage is a holy friendship.

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Recapitulation:

• Flirtations are dangerous. • Vanity in dress is to be avoided. The Devout

are to dress best. • Charity must prevail in speech. Avoid Rash

judgments, slanders. • Recreations are beneficial. They refresh the

mind and spirit. Attachments are to be avoided.

• Be faithful in great and small. • Be fair, just and reasonable in dealing with

others. Get into the shoes of others. Take care not wish the dangerous things.

• Social life is a great means to live Jesus. END.

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Session 6:

14th April: Tackling the trouble shooters in the

path of devotion & Renewal and Rededication time and again: Encouragement to persevere

(IV & V Parts)

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LIVE JESUS

GOOD NIGHT.