webseries season 3 episode 6
TRANSCRIPT
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FADE IN:
INT - THE SEQUENTIAL DETECTIVE AGENCY - NIGHT
Drake stands in the doorway. Smolder and Scullery sit at the desk.
DRAKE
I'm glad you haven't tried guessing.
Drake looks down at his feet and then crouches down. He picks up a dirty envelope and
stands up again.
SMOLDER
What's that?
DRAKEIt looks like a communiqu.
SCULLERY
When are people going to learn that
slipping notes under doors is the worst
way to communicate with other people.
It just makes you seem stupid.
DRAKE
Hey, I slipped a note under your... oh wait.
I see what you just did there.
Drake hands the note to Smolder. Smolder opens the envelope and pulls a note out.
SMOLDER
(reading)
Hello dearly. I have reason to inform you that
deadly deeds have developed in the days most
recently. I've involved myself in these entirely
dangerous developments and a dandy ally of
yours is deeply dug in this dilemma. His life isforfeit if you don't disentangle him during the
dancing of the corsairs that develops when
darkness overtakes the day. Duration is decisive
if death is to be taken down a peg. I will be there
to defy you in an act of dissent. Signed. Project
Wendigo.
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SCULLERY
That seems sort of serial-killerish.
Drake closes his eyes and SCREAMS.
SMOLDER
What's wrong with you Drake?
SCULLERY
Stop screaming!
Drake stops screaming.
DRAKE
I'm sorry guys. I just had a flashback towhen I was looking through the
Engelsikarios Corporation's files.
I know what Project Wendigo looks like
and it's scary as hell.
SMOLDER
So Engelsikarios is behind this.
DRAKE
I doubt it. The file said that the project
was a failure. Maybe it escaped during
that big thingamajig and it wants revenge or
something stupid like that.
SCULLERY
Who's the "ally" that's in danger?
Smolder closes his eyes.
SMOLDER
It's Jeff. He's being held captive at somesort of pirate dance party.
Smolder opens his eyes.
SCULLERY
Well that was easy.
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SMOLDER
Project Wendigo clearly doesn't know who
he's messing with.
SCULLERYWendigos are suppose to be Native
American human cannibal monsters.
This thing doesn't seem like one of those.
It can write letters and has a large vocabulary.
DRAKE
So?
SCULLERY
Well why'd they call it Project Wendigoif it's not really a wendigo?
DRAKE
Who cares?
SCULLERY
Apparently no one.
SMOLDER
If we're going to infiltrate this party and save
Jeff we're gonna need disguises.
DRAKE
To the costume store!
CUT TO:
INT. DANCE HALL - NIGHT
There are 8 tables forming a circle around the dance floor. There's a food table in the
South Eastern corner of the room and there's a DJ booth in the Northern area of theroom. In the North Western corner of the room is a large curtained area.
Numerous people dressed as PIRATES are either dancing on the dance floor or sitting
at the tables.
EASTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
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Drake, dressed as a pirate, pops out from underneath one of the tables and sneaks
over to the---
FOOD TABLE
--and pulls out a vial. He starts pouring the contents of the vial all over the food and in
the punch bowl. Drake whispers into his sleeve.
DRAKE
The refreshments have been tainted.
WESTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
Smolder pops out from underneath one of the tables. He is also dressed as a pirate. He
whispers into his sleeve.
SMOLDER
Instigate a food riot.
FOOD TABLE
Drake turns to the dance floor.
DRAKE
(yelling)
Me mateys! The grub be running out soon.
Last call for hearty deliciousness.
All the pirates rush over to the food table. Drake avoids the people and makes his way
into the--
EASTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
--and sits down at one of the tables.
WESTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
Smolder crawls out from underneath the table and sits in one of the chairs. He whispers
into his sleeve.
SMOLDER
Scullery, time to take over the DJ booth.
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NORTHERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
Scullery, dressed as a pirate, pops out from underneath a table and sneaks into the DJ
booth. She whispers into her sleeve.
SCULLERY
What kind of music should I play?
WESTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
SMOLDER
The ultimate chill out music.
EASTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
DRAKE
Play Hungry Hungry Hippos!
NORTHERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
SCULLERY
That's a board game not a song!
WESTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
The SOUND of the pirates at the food table getting rowdy.
SMOLDER
It sounds like the drugs kicking in. Just start
playing something quick.
NORTHERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
Scullery starts playing some music.
The SOUND of the music fills the room.
FOOD TABLE
ONE THE PIRATES
Arrr, let's get this party started mateys!
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The pirates all rush over to the--
DANCE FLOOR
--and they all start dancing.
WESTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
Smolder surveys the room.
SMOLDER
Okay Drake, its time to search for Jeff.
EASTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
DRAKECan't you use your thingamajig to find him.
WESTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
SMOLDER
For some reason I can't pinpoint his
exact location but he's somewhere in
this room.
Smolder starts checking underneath all the tables on the western side.
EASTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
Drake starts checking underneath all the tables on the eastern side.
DRAKE
So are pirates dangerous?
WESTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
SMOLDERThat's a complicated question. If you asked
Carolco Pictures they'd probably say yes.
They'd also probably say showgirls are
dangerous though so asking them would
probably be a waste of time since they
went bankrupt.
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Smolder moves to the--
NORTHERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
--and checks underneath the tables there.
SMOLDER
On the other hand if you asked Disney
they'd say pirates are a good investment.
EASTERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
DRAKE
I get the feeling were not really talking about
actual pirates.
Drake moves to the--
SOUTHERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
--and starts checking underneath the tables there.
DRAKE
Also, and this is gonna sound crazy coming
from me, doesn't this whole plan make no
sense.
NORTHERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
SMOLDER
We were in a hurry.
Smolder looks over at the curtained area.
SMOLDER
I'm checking behind the curtained area.
Smolder casually strolls over and enters--
THE CURTAINED AREA
--where he discovers Jeff locked up in a cage.
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JEFF
Smolder!
Smolder rushes over to the cage and tries to open it.
JEFF
There's no lock. It's completely solid.
SMOLDER
How'd he get you in here then?
JEFF
I don't know. I just woke up inside it.
WENDIGO (O. S.)Darling I do declare, these dark times are
upon us. Do we fight or do you die?
WENDIGO enters the curtained area. He's dressed like a homeless man and has a
large scruffy beard. He's very animal like. In his hands are two swords.
SMOLDER
We fight I guess.
Wendigo throws one of the swords at Smolder and he catches it.
Wendigo HOWLS loudly and the MUSIC stops.
WENDIGO
(yelling)
Delicious declarations have been declared!
SOUTHERN SIDE OF THE ROOM
DRAKE
What's going on?
DJ BOOTH
SCULLERY
I don't know Drake.
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THE CURTAINED AREA
The curtains fall revealing Wendigo and Smolder to everyone else in the room.
Smolder backs up as Wendigo advances towards him and they enter--
THE DANCE FLOOR
--where the pirates form a circle around them.
SMOLDER
Scullery! Play something with a lot of bass!
Scullery starts PLAYING music with a lot of bass.
Drake joins the circle.
DRAKE
Ready? FIght!
Wendigo lunges towards Smolder who parrys the attack. Smolder spins around and
tries to take out Wendigos legs. Wendigo jumps over Smolder's sword and punches
Smolder in the face. Smolder falls back, does a backwards somersault, knocks some of
the pirates out of the way. Wendigo chops down at Smolder but Smolder rolls
backwards over a table. Wendgio's sword chops into the table. Smolder jumps up on
the table and kicks Wendigo in the face. Wendigo pulls his sword out of the table and
tires to take out Smolder's legs. Smolder jumps over Wendigo's sword and lands back
on the table. The table buckles and falls towards Wendigo. Smolder lunges off the
falling table at Wendigo, knocks him over, and jumps to his feet. Smolder swings his
sword at Wendigo but Wendigo blocks his attack as he gets up. They circle each other.
WENDIGO
My dimensional distortion of dreamlike
darkness that brought about my birth
definitely wasn't planned to make me
such a disgusting abomination.
Wendigo swings his sword at Smolder's head but Smolder parries his attack, spins
around, and smacks Wendigo in the face with the back of his fist.
WENDIGO
I've been damned by the corporations
deeply set desire to destroy their enemies
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ONE OF THE PIRATES
Party!
The pirates all start dancing around again.
CUT TO:
INT - THE SEQUENTIAL DETECTIVE AGENCY - NIGHT
Smolder, Scullery, Jeff, and Drake all enter the office. They start taking off parts of their
pirate costumes.
SCULLERY
I have to say... that was really bizarre.
SMOLDER
I don't think you had to say that.
JEFF
Yeah. It was self evident.
DRAKE
Did all of that really happen?
Smolder lays down on the couch.
SMOLDER
It sure did Drake. You stepped up to the
plate and saved my life. I didn't think you
had it in you.
Scullery sits down at the desk.
JEFF
(to Drake)
I know you don't remember anything aboutour friendship but... I still care about you and
I hope we can become friends again.
DRAKE
I hope we can too.
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SCULLERY
So were those people actually pirates or
were they just pretending to be pirates?
SMOLDER
Does it matter?
SCULLERY
Not really.
The phone RINGS.
Scullery answers the phone.
SCULLERY
(into the phone)Hello?
(pauses)
Oh hi Ryanne...
(pauses)
An explosion!
(pauses)
Are you okay?
(pauses)
Okay I'll tell him.
Scullery hangs up.
SCULLERY
Ryanne Fasthorse wanted me to tell you that
the Anders are preparing to attack Washington.
CUT TO BLACK:
THE END