Journeying with the “I AM” Banners

Written by Susan Horsington

Contributions by Jeannie Smith and Joy McDermott

Journeying with the “I AM’S “My own journey with God through working on the banners, is every one’s journey. How often when hearing the call from God do we start to think, “I do not have the ability, or the talents needed, other people are more qualified, suitable. I need training first” or “this is not a good time”!

In sewing these banners I have learnt that God thinks BIG, whilst we often think small. God takes us out of our comfort zone, our safe little box because he knows that we are capable of so much more.

18 months ago, whilst I was reading about Moses. God planted the “I AM” seed. What was the sentence? It is written in Exodus 3:13-16. God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM”.

As weeks passed, I became more and more enthusiastic about making the banners. My idea was to create flag size banners about 8-10 inches in size and string them up around the church. I thought that was doable, but as my enthusiasm grew so did God’s picture of what He wanted. A large exhibition, with art work complimenting the fabric banners. Photographic exhibition, local schools being embraced and showing their own interpretations of the “I AM’S”. Local people and church members also adding to the mix.

I read through the Gospel of John and wrote out all the “I AM’s” that I could find. More were added later. During the Christmas experience in St.John’s church, 2016 with children from local schools a picture started appearing in my mind. I quickly drew it on a piece of scrap paper. I knew that God had given me the design for the banner, “I AM THE SON OF GOD”. It would be a year before I was able to start on this particular banner, but the design never changed from that initial vision.

My sewing space was my spare bedroom. I had my little alter on one side of the room where I also prayed and studied. Looking out of the window I looked across my garden and fields, then the huge sky. It was south-west facing and so each summers day I watched the sun dip below the horizon, often in a sea of pink and red. Breathtakingly beautiful. I felt so blessed. As I sewed, often I would be singing along to music, or in prayer or listening to the birds singing their own praises to God. It was a sanctuary of peace, where I felt bathed in His love and felt the extent of my love for Him. There were many hours of laughing at myself when realisation hit that my own design, which I had worked on for two weeks, was not the one that God wanted. Or hours of hand sewing only to see that no, it was not the right thing or in the right place. There was an awful lot of patching. Choosing fabric and building up the designs was such a joy, I can’t tell you how much. My friends were such a huge support in love, encouragement, suggestions and fabrics.

Learning to listen to His guiding voice and with many attempts, they were each completed.

As one banner was nearing completion, images and ideas for the next were placed in my head. At times I would think, “I am going to do this one next”, no it never worked out that way. Also, I was shown in my mind how each banner was to hang and how they were to be presented. Each individual banner was to hang on its own cross. Full sized wooden crosses. The banner, “ I AM THE SON OF GOD “ was to be huge and hang at the front of the church with the others standing down each side of the church. The banners represent Christ hanging on the cross.

Here is the story of each banner, in the order that they were made.

I AM THE TRUE VINEJohn 15 (NIV)15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me”

January, 2017

I think my decision to start with ‘I AM the Vine’ was based purely on the fact that it seemed the easiest. All I had to do was produce a vine. The colours and shape were determined by the actual plant. Off I started, spending a good amount of time on hand-sewing the grapes. Once finished, but not backed, I took the banner around to show a friend. As I held the banner up there seemed to be a large space in the bottom corner which I had not noticed before. I said to my friend that there was this large space which obviously required more leaves. She looked at the design and said, “Sue, you’ve forgotten to add God. There is no vine”. And that was true. I had forgotten that God was even part of the banner. After a good laugh, I returned home and started on the vine.

5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

I AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLDWhen Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

This was the second banner to be made and my confidence in making them still a little rocky. Once again, I drew designs for the banner and a group of friends met me for coffee and the serviettes came out for ideas and suggestions. In the end, God showed the way with a design that had appeared in my mind months earlier during prayer. It showed Jesus taking up the whole universe plus more, holding our little world in His hands. As He looked down upon it, love emanated from Him and glorious light. It reminded me of Julian of Norwich in her Showings, where our Lord shows her a hazelnut. She understood that God made it, that He loves it and that God preserves it. Julian saw that God is the creator, the protector and the lover.

One of my favourite parts of this journey is choosing fabric for each banner. I was in Clevedon one day and popped into the fabric shop. There was a perfect fabric. The night sky with stars on it.

The problem was, “How could I possibly portray what was shown to me in my head on to fabric”? I felt that I would never be able to capture the brilliant light that I saw or the incredible love that I felt emanating from Jesus for us and our world? I feel that at that time I have done the best that I could do, but it is the one banner that I am not happy with. I have thought to dismantle it and redo it but have not. I see this banner as being part of our journeying with Jesus. At times we are called to walk a path that seems above our abilities, but it is the walking on in faith, learning to listen to Him and growing with Jesus that is important.

I AM THE GATE“I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come so that they may have life, and have it abundantly”. John 10:1-11

In my mind for this banner I imagined a quintessential field and gate with sheep in it. However, as I prayed, the design in my mind, started changing. The quaint gate was growing larger and larger until it filled almost the whole banner. God wanted ‘BIG’. The gate was to be gold, depicting the divinity of Jesus with a wooden crook lying across the gate, representing the humanity and earthiness of Jesus. My friend Jeannie explained how the shepherd would have sat in the entrance of a cave, blocking the door way, protecting the sheep. The walls in the banner that are coming out of the gate were Jesus’ arms wrapping around His sheep. Embracing, protecting, holding.

Many friends provided creative materials for the banners and the hedges in this one was alpaca wool for felting, provided by Joy. The little sheep are made up with kapok from Elaine from Ashbrittle church.

In this banner I wanted to include people as well as sheep. The designs for each person was copied from my Good News bible. As we enter the gate, give ourselves to Jesus, we find a place of rest. A safe place, a sanctuary where we can let go of our false selves and know totally that we are loved for who we are. The words came to me from Psalm 23:1-2, The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. And from Jesus who promises “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28.

I AM THE RESURRECTION and the LIFEJesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; John 11:25

Started 22nd February, 2017

A couple of months before I even started thinking about the details of this banner, my friends Daphne and Trevor emailed me the most beautiful photograph. The photo was taken across a farm fence with a bramble growing around the post. A light frost covered the grassy field and as the sun rose, the sky became bright orange with a halo around it. As I started to contemplate the banner, this photo kept running through my head. Did God want me to use it? At the same time, I met up with Myra who through a friend, was happy to dog sit my two dogs whilst I was away in the Holy land. In between sips of tea, I started speaking about the banners. Suddenly, I asked Myra what design could I do for this banner? Without any hesitation Myra replied, “Why don’t you do a cross with an orange sky?” I could hardly believe my ears. Of anything that she could have said, Myra said that. I knew this was God affirming the design.

A friend gave me fabric for the cross, and another gave me her special orange silk purchased in Turkey to use for the sky. As I worked on the sky I wanted to try and add the halo around the sun. As I started, I felt strongly that I was to make it a dove hovering over the cross. I find that as I work on the banners I am at peace and in a place of prayer and connection with God. I feel embraced in the love of Jesus and an overwhelming love for Him. A sense that I am in the right place. This is one of my favourite banners and once again, was created and produced with the help and input of others. Finished 15th March, 2017

I AM THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFEThomas said to Jesus, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:5-6

I didn’t really have a clue as to how this banner would work out but as I quietly sat sewing thoughts came to me. The muted colours represented us and our lives. We are all different but with out Jesus our life does not shine as brightly as it could. The uneven seams represented our lives. Often our life runs along smoothly, hence the matching seams. At times things become more discordant and during times of struggle parts of our life may need complete patching over.

I was very unhappy with the path. Later that day, I saw on face book an image of a path, showing our idea of our path to Jesus as a straight line. No obstacles. Direct. Easy. Then it showed God’s path, lots of ups and downs, storms, floods, many obstacles. His path strengthens us. That was my answer. My uneven path would stay.

The path was to lead to Jesus and His light. The path sweeps over the squares depicting Jesus’ arms enfolding us. They also look like wings protecting us. This happened more by mistake than by design. Even when we are not aware of God in our life, he has threaded gold threads through it. These ran on to the path becoming the cross. The cross embellished with crystals. These crystals are us, the people that we become when Jesus is in our hearts and we are filled with the Holy

Spirit. No longer muted but shinning with His love and starting to move out to others. The cross part of the banner I had to un- pick and redo three times as the white material soaked up any grease from my hands, marking the fabric. In the end, I had to sew the entire cross part wearing plastic gloves. Very difficult as I kept sewing through the gloves, finding a finger attached to the fabric.

Somehow this banner became the largest. As I use the same measurements I could not understand why it was so large. This banner was very challenging due to all the mistakes and unpicking that was done. Jesus was always with me. I had written in my notes receiving a message whilst I sewed. Jesus saying to me, “ I AM here with you, hold on to me” This I did through music. Sometimes singing along prayerfully to Taize music or at the top of my voice to Jesus Culture or ‘just being’ with Him.

My room looks out across my garden and fields and God’s creation was always with me. During times of ups and downs, Jesus was always with me in my room. It became and is my sanctuary with Him. My place of prayer and being. I would advise everyone to create a little corner somewhere to be still in God and to talk with Jesus. It is very restorative.

As written earlier, our path is not straight, direct and easy. I have learnt such a lot whilst sewing this banner, not just in banner making but about life and God always being there with us as those gold threads. A smile, laughter, support and caring. Admiring a beautiful sunset or flower. The list is endless. I am sure you can add many more to your own list?

This banner was completed on 13th June, 2017.

I AM THE ALPHA and OMEGA

"Behold, I make all things new…." And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.” Revelation 21:6

God identifies himself as "Alpha and Omega." Alpha is the first letter of the Greek alphabet, and omega is the last letter of the alphabet. In other words, God is "the beginning and the end." But God isn't speaking about alphabets. He is speaking of reality. God is absolutely the beginning and absolutely the end. Everything that is originates ultimately in him. And everything will somehow end with him.As I started my trip to the Holy land I hoped that God would show me the designs for the banners which were still waiting for inspiration.

During our final day in Jerusalem, the group visited the Garden Tomb. As I bent down and went inside the tomb, there in red paint, on the wall was a design. According to our guide a cross had been found scraped in to the stone wall of the tomb. When painted one could see that it was a Jerusalem cross. At the top in Aramaic were the words ‘Jesus Christ’. Below the words ‘Alpha’ and ‘Omega’. Beginning and End

Instantly, I knew that this was the design for the banner. Many photos were taken as a reminder for me on my return home.

Not long before, someone had given me some unwanted garments, Cassocks in red and a white under garment and from one of our rural parishes. Perfect for this banner and creating a connection between the banners and rural parishes. Once home, I made the templates and used the red material from the cassock.

Although, it is the simplest of the banners, its connection with the Garden Tomb makes it a very special one.

I AM IN THE FATHER….I AM IN MY FATHER, AND YOU IN ME, AND I IN YOU. John 14: 20

For this banner I wanted to have God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit separate but then coming together, over-lapping each other, finally merging together as one with humans. God was to be rich colours of purples and gold, Jesus was to be in pale blue, pink and silver, the Holy Spirit was to be white with red flaming arrows. All to be done in pure silk as this banner represented the Trinity. This posed the problem of how to bring such different colours together. It was here that my friend Fiona helped with her suggestion to over-lap sheer fabrics creating different areas.

I still did not have any clear ideas about the design. I drew quite a few, but none worked. Then one day whilst visiting my son in Bristol, I explained my dilemma. Being a creative person with a scientific head he said, “Why don’t you use the shape of an atom”? Once drawn out, it was clearly perfect. That night as I settled down to sleep, words were spoken in my head so clearly, “Diatoms”. Immediately I knew that I was to incorporate Diatoms within the design. Atoms are the smallest elements that can exist. Everything is made up of atoms. They are the building blocks of everything. Diatoms are single-celled algae with a silica wall. Very unique and beautiful. They live in water and are such exquisite shapes that they inspire artistic works and jewellery designs. God was using elements that are the basis of life and an important element of water, “living water” and this time God was combining my own love of science and creation.

How amazing is God. Never would I have thought of such a design.

I had bought all the fabric for the banner and then my friend Jeannie, felt called by God to say that the banner should be split in to three parts. Yes, that would work - but one problem. I only had enough silk for one banner not three full-sized ones. So I set off to the local shops to buy lots more fabric!

I researched Diatom shapes, deciding which I would use. Starting with God, adding the Diatom shapes all went well. Then on to Jesus. The silks were cut, placed and sewn. No something was not right. It seemed too cluttered. Too many shades of the colours. The next day was spent unpicking and re-placing. Splitting the one design in to three created quite a problem. Everything had to be measured and planned so that when the banners eventually hung in church they looked as one.

It was while I was working on these banners that I heard a call from Jesus. “Lift me up Susan”. Yes, I will but at that time not sure what He meant. I started with ‘Lifting Him Up’ during Ignatian prayer.

As I continued sewing I felt such peace. I was in prayer every minute that I was sewing. At some point I decided that one of the other banners needed improving by the addition of beads.

All the while that I am sewing I am thanking God for bringing me home that Good Friday, 2015. I know how very blessed I am that he has chosen me for this mission and trusts me to fulfil it. Such an honour. As I sewed I felt such love for the banners and a desire to protect them.

I still had no idea exactly why God wanted the banners or where they would eventually hang. Even now, I keep walking on in trust doing what I am called to do, just for today. Tomorrow is in God’s hands.

Then it was time to start the middle banner. Christmas 2017 had passed and there was still so much to do. I had many designs for the centre one, nothing worked. How could I bring the three together and

combine with a diatom which represented humans? This diatom was in an earthy colour. As I started, a design started appearing and ideas flowed in to my mind. Finally, it was done. God’s love flowing towards us, with crystals representing the Holy Spirit and Jesus combined. The human diatom is sitting within a gold heart (God) and a white heart (Jesus). Blue beads are the water of baptism and the little cross sitting within the human is when we accept Jesus in to our heart. God’s power and love flow out with the Holy Spirit. So many weeks trying to find a design to fit and there it was. Again, God’s own design. To complete the banners, for some reason, I decided to bead each one with small blue beads. Each one hand sewn.

Each time that I start a banner I am filled with doubt. There is the excitement of starting afresh with new fabrics, but I doubt my ability to create what I feel God is asking me to do. How can I put the vision in my head down on fabric and do God justice? Not once did I ever feel that he doubted me. I felt connected to them both, filled with their love. All doubts faded as I trusted in God’s guidance, strengthened. Each day I felt so blessed and thankful that God had chosen me to do this work for Him. Each day sewing had become part of my routine, alongside prayer, walking the dogs, gardening and Ignatian spirituality. Seeing God in all things as St.Ignatius wrote and those few words changed my life as I did see God in all things.

I AM THE GOOD SHEPHERDI know my sheep and my sheep know me. . . John 10:4-15

‘When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.’

My name is Jeannie and I went with Sue on a Pilgrimage to the Holy Land in 2017, to walk in the footsteps of Jesus.

Psalm 23 is one of my favourite psalms and I have always seen Jesus as ‘My Shepherd’. It gives me hope, promise and such safety knowing that He guides me through my life. I have not always followed my path, not really knowing or understanding what it was or where it was leading. So I have been wayward many times these past few years, even within my Christian walk, thinking I knew the way! Jesus must have been busy with his Staff, gently prodding, rounding me up back onto the path many times. The path of life is indeed narrow and full of rocky bits and I have stumbled so often. Yet Jesus has always found me and brought me back into His fold.

Sue gave me a beautiful picture once at her Ignation Prayer sessions, of Jesus holding a lamb with a flock gathered around Him, both lambs and little children. I came across a verse in Isaiah 40: 11 that shone a light on this picture, Jesus shepherd of us all. It is precious and sits in my room each day to remind me that I am not alone.

The verses in John 10 speak of Jesus as our Good Shepherd. Jesus knows each of us by name and we know His voice. We simply need to be still and listen for that still quiet voice. He walks before us, in and

through the mire and rocky road of our lives and promises safety by those streams of living water and green pastures. I know this for real as Jesus guided me through an incredible family healing in which He actually walked me through Psalm 23; even to walking in green pastures, sitting beside a bubbling river and resting beside a still pool where He washed my feet. A relationship of some 50 years of misunderstanding healed in an instant in the event of washing of feet!

Where to begin? Ideas took shape, were scrapped, only to be started all over! At first it was tentative but as I trusted in My Shepherd the picture came alive. I knew instantly when something wasn’t right and it needed to be replaced. Like the path. I sewed many beads along the path, some lovely gold ones lighting the meandering way. No, it did not look right. I knew I had to take off every bead I had painstakingly sewn on! He guided me every step of the way with everyday scenarios to show me what I needed to do. I even had a go at felting to make my sheep with help from my friend, Joy. Then again when I laid down the sheep and began to sew a path beneath them. This time my shepherd chose beads to show the ruggedness of the ground we walk on at times. Our Shepherd walks along with us feeling every stone or boulder. There were many humorous moments too, I am happy to say, as I sewed the sheep on the hillsides. Could I get them all even and looking like sheep? Only you can say. I struggled and struggled as I am not an embroiderer. Some of them look odd but sheep are all different and have characteristics of their own, like us. Yet from a distance they all look alike, grazing in the fields. Jesus knows each one by name; each of us by name. Isn’t that amazing?

Now as I come to the last few stitches, I see a path before me and realise it has taken courage to step onto this new path. Fully trusting His plan for me and listening out for that still quiet voice of my Shepherd to guide me along my path. I have walked a long way this past year but I no longer fear, for Jesus goes ahead of me leading me

ever forwards, with me always. In His Precious Name, Jeannie Smith 16th March 2018

I AM THE SON OF GODHaving started collecting fabric for the largest banner during the past year, I had most of what I needed. On the 19th of March, 2016 a friend Sally asked me to stop by her house. This I did. She explained how she had felt called to give me her wedding dress to be used in the banner, “I AM THE SON OF GOD”.

What an incredible gift, especially as Sally and Don had recently married and so it was very precious. I assured Sally that it would be used for the angels. This was how God was speaking to people around me. I knew that I had to start collecting fabric for the big final banner as I would not be able to afford it all at the last minute. Sally and Don’s wonderful gift did make up the two angels in that final banner.

I had God’s design. The most amazing thing about this design is that whilst I was in the Holy Land visiting the church of the Transfiguration, there across the ceiling and walls was the design that God had given to me. I had never seen it before that moment.

How could I depict God? I wanted God to be Gold. After all, He is God. Once again, a voice spoke, saying, “Do triangles”. And this is what I did but I would not have thought of doing God as triangles.

I was not sure how to show the angels. Whilst watching tv one evening, I thought to get pen and paper and start on a design for them. Ten minutes late they were drawn. Instantly, I knew that this design was the one. No tweaking here. The angels had an over- dress which was to be made with a specific fabric. This sheer fabric had silver stars over it and was beautiful. It was only days later that a connection was made between that fabric and something that I had done, with Jeannie, a few months earlier. I had been asked if I would re-cover a babies Moses basket that is used for the healing weekends for Rachel’s Vineyard. I had chosen this fabric and used it on the basket. Here God was showing me that he wanted His angels, who are standing over baby Jesus in His basket, to wear the same fabric. A truly blessed connection of healing for people that suffered the trauma of losing a baby and baby Jesus, the Son of God.

No sooner had I sewn on the triangles than I went down with the flu and was laid up in bed for a week. But I could not stop there was way too much to do. My own bedroom became a sewing room as I hand sewed hundreds of gold sequins on to the triangles. Unfortunately, the lines are not as straight as they could have been. Finally, despite a lot of hurdles, the banner was moved over to Jeannie’s spare bedroom.

Jeannie had felt called by God to clear out her spare bedroom, giving away all her furniture. She had a large table made and set up. All this in readiness so that I could have a large enough space to work on the big, final banner. That was an amazing thing to have done.

This has given me the space and quiet to just be with the banner and with our beloved Jesus. No interruptions of dogs barking, phone ringing, housework to be done. Jesus is bringing Jeannie and I together again. It is such a joy spending time talking about our walking with Jesus, this past year and the excitement of where next?

I AM THE BREAD OF LIFEI AM the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty”

My name is Joy and I was honoured to be asked by Sue to make this banner and to do it my way and how I felt was right to me. I have been very much in the background with Sue on her journey to making the banners, but we have enjoyed good times together sharing, talking things over and finding materials for them.

In the process of doing this banner and spending time thinking about how to portray “I am the bread of life” I have learnt that when one meditates on a verse or verses how God can speak to us and how so many things can come into our thoughts when we least expect it.

I originally was only going to have one loaf of bread in the banner but on reading that “whoever comes to me will never be hungry” (John chapter 6 v35) I felt that there should be more bread representing an abundant amount of bread. The verse also goes on to say that “whoever believes in me will never be thirsty”, hence the wine. The ears of corn portrayed provide the flour to make bread but to me also represent a living thing growing from a seed which could also represent our growth and life as Christians. The cross reminds us of Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross and we also have represented the elements of

the bread and the wine, the sacraments of Holy Communion. There was one thing I felt I had to add to this banner which came to me one night. I thought about the Scripture Union bible reading notes “Daily Bread” suddenly it came to me that I must put a bible into the picture. We need to feed on the word of God, it is our daily bread, HE IS THE BREAD OF LIFE. Joy McDermott

The wooden crosses to display the banners were ordered from Wellington Timber yard. They were brilliant and have made the most perfect crosses. A week earlier Fiona, Jeannie and myself had spent time at St. John’s church measuring up for the crosses and drawing the designs that God had shown me whilst in prayer. These crosses had to be large with a good base. Each banner was to hang on a pole which was to hang

on the cross bar of the cross. Each banner was to hang on the cross as if it was Jesus himself. For ease of transporting we also wanted them to come ‘flat-packed.

As I write this last paragraph I am at the ‘finishing off’ stage. Trying to improve areas that stand out as in need of improving. So close to finishing it now. I truly feel that I am doing God’s work and when all the banners are hanging in the church as God has instructed, then I will feel

such joy and an inner peace and with a feeling that everything is as it should be. Just as God wishes.

It feels very strange now in my own house. The sewing has stopped. I can clear away the piles of fabric and regain my own spare room. Soon it will be time to sit and return to Ignatius and the path with Him. Sue Horsington

“It has been so exciting to see the Holy Spirt creatively inspiring Sue and a group of friends to live and tell the Christian story. These inspiring banners are part of an emerging new ministry in our Team of churches using the creative arts to explore and share the love of God revealed to us through Jesus. Sue has become The Spirituality Chaplain to our new Learning Community. She is part of a growing team inviting people to discover God through contemplative spirituality that draws upon Ignatian spiritual disciplines.” Rev Selina Garner

To contact Sue or to find out how you can use these banners in your church: Email: susan.horsington@btinternet.com