THE RECORD WEEKLY

THESIS SPOTLIGHT

THE MYSTERY OF IHSWho? What? Why?

FOOTBALL SPOTLIGHTS KEY PLAYERSRides a 7 win streak into Wednesday’s game

TROUBLE IN HOGWARTSWith Hermann’s Vexes

Soccer ends sadly, Football picks up banner and marches on

Noddings never fails to show his genius

Volume XLIII, Issue 6

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News!e Record Sta"Editor in Chief:

Layout Editor:

Content Editor:

Editor at Large:

Faculty Moderator:

Peter J. Cogan

Jack M. Mueller

Patrick C.Lindmark

Thomas S. Burton

Chris W. Bailes

!e Record Disclaimer!e Record is the o#cial student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by students/sta" members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. !e Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory commu-nity, including students, faculty, and alumni.!e Record will not publish con-tent considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the edu-cational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editorsare always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

LUNCH

Buffalo Chicken PitaLentils

Philly Steak SandwichNot hot slaw

Toasted Rav’s with Sauce Steamed vegetables

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Soft TacoSpanish RiceFresh Corn

Baked MostaciolliW/ Meat SauceSteamed Broccoli

Priory’s Special Penini (Revisited)

Sloppy JoeFries

Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!It’s pizza, trick!

2 submit your article to theprioryrecord@gmail.com

NOT LISTED

Ready to ROFL?By Peter Cogan‘13

What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-tarine!

Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad? Because they were trans-parents!

What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?Monster-ella!

What do you call a bat that does tricks?An acro-bat!

Why do vampires need mouthwash? Because they have bat breath!What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen? Count Spatula!

What tests do vampire teachers give?Blood tests!

Do zombies eat popcorn with their $ngers? No, they eat the $ngers separately.

What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.

News

3Remember to come in @ 8:05 on Thursday for STUCO donuts!

!esis Spotlight: Tchaikovsky and the FiveBy Andrew Cammon ‘14

How a the cultural con%ict be-tween East and West brought

about the development of Russian classical music by Alex Noddings

Alex Noddings’s love of classical music translated into a very in-teresting senior thesis. !e $rst topic he picked was “nationalism and romanticism in nineteenth century Europe, and their in%u-ence on history, music, and art.” “It would have been well over one hundred pages,” he remarked. He was extremely interested in the topic, but as he started research-ing, he realized that there simply wasn’t enough time in the sum-mer for that thesis, especially since he was to spend six weeks at UMSL doing scienti$c research. In an attempt to narrow down his topic, he came across a con-%ict between two groups of Rus-sian composers. He was immedi-ately interested, and a little more research on the topic sold him.

!e con%ict was between the Rus-sian composer Tchaikovsky and a group know as “!e Five.” Tchai-kovsky embraced Western music, but also sought to give his pieces distinct Russian style. “!e Five,” a group of Russian composers who met in St. Petersburg, on the other hand, wanted to do away with Western music entirely. In their eyes, the Western music got in the way of Russian national-ism in composing. Naturally there was animosity between the two groups, and history has treated

them as such, as two distinct groups. Alex Noddings may be the $rst person to disagree. His thesis argues that the two groups were both very Russian in their style, and had much of the same inspira-tion for their music. Despite their mutual dislike, “the two groups are more similar than history has viewed them to be,” Alex says.

When asked if he ever considered doing a nontraditional thesis, his response is “Yes.” In addition to listening to music, Alex is also an exceptional piano player. “I considered doing a performance thesis,” Alex said, “and I also considered performing pieces and arguing about them, a com-bination of a traditional and nontraditional thesis.” But time was a crucial factor, and there wasn’t enough time for him to prepare an entire performance.

In the actual writing of his pa-per, Alex followed a cycle. First he made a rough outline. !en he researched and wrote along that outline. During

the research and writing, he would $nd parts of the outline that didn’t work or had to be re-arranged. !en he revised his outline, and researched and wrote more. His research was mainly for historical events and facts; he did not $nd any source that shared his argument. In the end, before writ-ing the $nal paper, Alex had com-pleted four to $ve rough dra&s.

Alex’s thesis is both unique in its subject and in its argument. He took a stance all alone, and had to formulate his argument with no help from other scholars in his-tory. He took a risk, and was able to pull o" an incredible thesis.

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky (top le&) and !e Five (counter-clockwise from bottom le&): Mily Balakirev, César Cui,Alexander Borodin, Modest Mussorgsky, and Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov.

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4 Exam week coming nov 12-16!

SportsTop 5 College Contenders

By !omas Burton ‘135. LSU Tigers

Despite not having the star pow-er that some LSU teams have had in the past, the Tigers are in a familiar position near the top of the polls. Despite los-ing to Florida several weeks ago, LSU can reenter the title picture with a win next week against top ranked Alabama. Although LSU does not have a dynamic o"ense, the Tigers’ defense is certainly elite. Led by pass rush-ers Barkevious Mingo and Sam Montgomery, the Tigers’ defense is strong enough to wreak havoc on any o"ense in the country.

4. Kansas State WildcatsKansas State is a team that many people had low expectations for coming into the year. But through the $rst two thirds of the season, K-State is proving these doubters wrong by scoring three wins over ranked opponents. Senior quar-terback Collin Klein, who has thrown for twelve touchdowns and rushed for sixteen, leads the

W i l d c a t s ’ $&h ranked scoring of-fense. !eir defense is no slouch either, a l l o w i n g just seven-teen points per game.

3. Oregon Ducks

Oregon and its high-%y-ing o"ense have domi-nated every game they’ve been apart of this year, winning each game by at least seventeen points. !e Ducks are averaging an intimidating 53 points per game—1st in the na-tion by a considerable margin. Although their defense isn’t near-ly as strong, Oregon has never re-ally needed its defense to do much

of anything. !e Ducks are led by running back Kenyon Barner and multipurpose back DeAn-thony !omas, who is among Oregon’s leaders in rushing, re-ceiving, and kick return yards.

2. Notre Dame Fighting IrishSay what you will about Notre

Dame, but this year, the Irish are for real. A&er Notre Dame just beat its second top ten opponent on the road, it is obvi-ous that the Irish defense is as good as anyone’s in the country (allow-ing the 2nd least points per game). !is stout unit is led by Heisman Candidate Manti Te’o (SR lineback-er) and Stephon Tuitt (SO defensive

end). !e Irish also have a tre-mendous three-pronged rush-ing attack led by Cierre Wood, !eo Riddick, and Geore At-kinson III. With three of its re-maining four games essentially “gimmes,” Notre Dame could easily $nd itself in the Nation-al Championship this winter.

1. Alabama Crimson Tide!e preseason number one in many polls, Alabama has simply stomped every opponent they have faced this year. Alabama, as usual, has a top-%ight defense led by linebacker CJ Mosely. !e Tide’s o"ense has also done ex-tremely well this year, with a huge o"ensive line paving the way for running backs Eddie Lacy and TJ Yeldon. A di#cult schedule remains, but there is no reason to doubt that Alabama can win out and $nd itself in position to win its second consecutive title.

Sports

5Football @ St. Claire, WEdnesday @ 7pm

Priory Soccer Fights, But Falls 1-0By Peter Cogan ‘13

Despite a rough season with only 8 victories, the Rebels

were not ready to give up. Per-haps some of you saw the team running lap a&er lap on the track last week; they were committed to give it their all in the district semi-$nal. !e Rebels faced o" against Parkway Central (ranked 6 in the area) last a&ernoon at Westmin-ster. !ey played Central earlier in the season and were beaten 4-0. !e Rebels came out and played $ercely and con$dently. !e game was very even and Pri-

ory even had a handful of oppor-tunities to score o" of a free kick or corner kick. But late in the $rst half disaster struck the Rebels. A&er dangling a Parkway Cen-tral mid$elder, Sam Newman was taken down from behind. A foul was called, but Sam was sidelined for the remainder of the game with an ankle injury. !e score at hal&ime was still 0-0, and Priory came and fought valiantly in the second half despite their best player on the sideline. Eventually, Parkway Central got a ball behind

the Priory defense and converted it for a goal. !e game would stay at 1-0 until the $nal whistle. It would be safe to say that Park-way Central felt lucky to escape their $rst round of districts. With Sam Newman out it was a com-pletely di"erent game. Unfortu-nately, Sam’s last game was spent on the sideline watching his team falter in the second half. Sam and the rest of the seniors will be greatly missed, as they each heav-ily contributed to the team. Joey Ciapciak stepped into a starting

role at center mid$eld and played the best game of his life against Parkway Central. Patrick Schafer stepped in at Sam’s spot the sec-ond half and played his role mag-ni$cently by creating attack. Peter Cogan played a great $nal game on defense and kept Parkway Central away from the goal. Even Joaquin Alarcon will be missed. But even with losing these great seniors, the team will be loaded next year with juniors and seniors, each with plenty of varsity experi-ence. !e new season begins now.

Top 5 Scariest Teachers at PrioryBy Will O’Brien ‘14

5. Mr. Finan- !ey put Mr. Finan in charge of Saturdays for a reason. !is ex-college football stud still keeps up his stature and is always ready to glower at any ne’er do well passing by. He is a constant reminder to all Priory students of the punishment that could ensue if one ventures outside the rules. If he calls you into his o#ce, a shiver will go down your spine. Plus as a man who teaches, coach-es, is a dean, is the administrator of the most reverend lunch, and holds many other jobs, he is able to $nd a way to gain leverage on every single student at the school. 4. “Flex” a.k.a. Mr. Schake- Many of the spookiest ghosts in history are told to inhabit one particu-lar place; for example the room where they died, their old house, etc. Mr. Schake has haunted room 105 for what has to be a hundred years now, always in the doorway with a welcoming, or sometimes not so welcom-ing, remark. Plus his wardrobe of many di"erent heavy sweaters

does little to obscure the bulging muscle that lies beneath. An-other scary thing, he knows ALL your parents and in some cases actually taught them as well (I’m looking at you Michael and Louis Garvin.) He is not afraid to use this knowledge to gain leverage over any student. Again, let me draw attention to those huge mus-cles. !ey don’t call him Flex for nothing. If those bad boys don’t scare you I don’t know what does. 3. Dr. Greisbauer- When I en-tered Dr. Greisbauer’s class for the $rst time, I thought I was quite good at debating. So when I $rst engaged Dr. Greisbauer in verbal $sticu"s, I thought I would do well. I later walked out of the class-room dazed, and confused at the overall purpose of my existence. Dr. Greisbauer is able to so beau-tifully string together an argu-ment- the only word to describe it is scary. If tomorrow I wore a blue shirt, I’m fairly positive Dr. Greis-bauer could successfully convince me it was actually a pair of $ery

red pants instead. !e look on his face as he destroys your argu-ment bit by bit haunts your mind for days. Any one who doubts me- I sincerely dare to try to ar-gue with Dr. Greisbauer. When you get headaches for the next week, don’t say I didn’t warn you. 2. Mr. Combs- !e $gure of disci-pline to the rowdy junior-school-ers, no high school student ever seems to forget his place as their $rst priory dean. Mr. Combs was the $rst Priory employee I was scared of, and will probably be the last one I get over my fear of. !e football coach with the booming voice exquisite posture, he refuses to ever let his junior schoolers act out of line. Whether it be mass, assemblies, or just the normal day he always looms near the ju-nior schoolers, making them re-consider saying that joke with the mildly inappropriate punch line. !e dictionary describes fear as “a distressing emotion caused by im-pending danger, inconvenience, or pain.” Mr. Combs can cause

fear in any student he so wishes. 1. Mrs. Hall- Mrs. Hall plays mental games with you. On the surface she seems polite and nice, but in reality she comes to domi-nate your life. One minute you’re thinking about turning your math work in on time, the next you’re fearing what she might do if you fail to do so. Your favorite subject becomes math, and you start to spend hours and hours on it. She even begins to haunt your dreams, similar to Freddie Krueger. And just like Freddie, can twist your nightmares any which way she chooses. I have yet to see her wearing a large claw on her le& hand but yet I am still equally scared of her. To sum things up, as I write this article I am morti-$ed at the very thought of what she might say to me a&er seeing this article. Will she be o"ended? Does that mean I fail my next test? I ask that any who wish to see me alive and continuing to write for the record send me their prayers.

Sports

Great Season to the Varsity Rebels Soccer6

OMLINERGRT C LG LTSenior Captain John Vitale6’2” 280lb

Started 21 consecu-tive games.

“All season most of the praise of the foot-ball team centered around the o"ense. !is past week it was our defense that won the game for us. Look for us to return to form as we light up the scoreboard Wednesday night against St. Claire.”

John is a major mover on the o"ense line and has proved his mettle against formidable oppo-nents (Burrough’s Solo). John is sure to impress again.

Senior Brian Vaporean6’1” 220lb

“Go big, or go home!”

Brian “Vapo” Va-porean returned a&er a 4 game hiatus due to a high ankle sprain with as much of an impact as can be had from the line. Domi-nating the defense’s stud end and block-ing for the powerful Raybuck-Nogalski rush combo makes him a vital part of the Rebel team overall.A man of few words, expect him to raise a few Rebel yells tonight when he disrupts the St. Claire back$eld.

Senior Ed Houser6’3” 215lb

IQ: 145ACT: 35Greatest Asset: “My Brain.”Irony: Uses the L-shaped hand rule to remember Right from Le&.

Edward is undoubtedly the brightest mind on this line (which is say-ing something because as Coach Combs will tell you, these are the smartest guys on the team. In’t that right PIGGIES!). But when it comes to blocking, Ed thinks not. He simply drives. And success follows.

Senior Captain John Houser6’2” 205lb

Varisty starter since Sophomore year. !e most experi-enced member of our squad.

Characterized by his distinctive gruntle noises while block-ing.

John is a leader by ex-ample. He has tireless work ethic and rarely misses his block. He has a steady snap, a focused outlook of the game, and is looked up to by the whole team.

Senior Captain Sam Bruns6’1” 220lb

Hair Length: 7.5”

“!e results are in the e"ort.”

And certainly Sam has put in the ef-fort. With this years rushing track record, you know everyone on the line is moving some bodies.

Sam boasts the larg-est circumference biceps on the o-line. And the nicest %ow.

Junior Dan Watson6’2” 180lb“I wanted to see what we’d do. And we didn’t disappoint. We beat four ranked teams. !en we beat Union without our leading scorer. Even to a guy like me that’s good.!ose writers want to go back to the way things were. But I know the truth. We’ve changed things... forever.”

Not Just the Dave and Tom ShowBy Jack Mueller ‘13

Like the Record Facebook Page! 7

Sports

IMPACTJunior Gussie Busch5’10” 190lb

“Pancakes? 11 for breakfast! 30 in the game.” Gussie will be welcoming his new compliment at ILB Connor Flavin tonight. We expect huge games from both.

Junior Steven Clark6’0” 205lb

Steve is the team’s $rey, hard to stop nose tackle that relentlessly pursues quarterbacks, running backs, and the occasional interception. Steve stepped up big this year, keep an eye on him in the future.

Junior Paul Deschler5’10” 180lb

Extremely humble and so& spoken, “Paullie D” doesn’t need words to prove his value to the team. Close your eyes, hear the boom... that was Paullie.

Senior Sam Friedman5’10” 190lb

“Proud of all the guys that have stepped up on defense. I think we have one of the best defenses the area has had in the last few years, and same goes for o"ense. We are a championship worthy team.”

*Currently on the DL, return uncertain

Thanks all, For t h e s igned ball, for t h e pray ers and good wi s h e s.I am et ernally grat eful. The ball mean s more t han y ou know t o me.Sam

Opinion & Entertainment

8 Have a Glorious all saints day!

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-St. Francis of Assisi

Ralph’s RagesBy Fr. Ralph Wright O.S.B.

Perot fell into his lap. He liked Glendon at $rst glance.

Flunk persuaded the Supreme Court to say “YES!” and be-fore you could say ‘George” it was Election Minus Five. Eight p.m. Five channels. !is was how the conversations went:

Tom: Well, Professor Glendon, or may I call you Presidential Candidate Glendon? what rea-sons have you to give our view-ers that would make them change their vote at this late stage and vote for you as the next Presi-dent of the United States, the one to issue in the millennial?

Glendon: !ankyou, Tom, I’m glad you asked me that ques-tion. Frankly I believe that 80% of the country are bored out of their arboreal branches with the current menu and have been waiting for a presidential can-didate that has some kind of vi-sion that will motivate every man woman and child in this coun-try. I believe I have such a vision.

Tom: !is is very interesting, Miss Glendon, that you, a Har-vard law professor with minimal knowledge of the outside world and a Catholic to boot consider

that you have a better vision than politicians who have been, so to speak, in the trade of guid-ing our citizens for many many years. How would you articulate this special vision as you call it?

Glendon:I believe seriously and $rmly, without equivocation based on lobby strength or dollar-age or vote count, that every single human being, myself and yourself included, have had since the mo-ment we were conceived rights to life liberty and the pursuit of hap-piness that are protected by our country’s constitution. I believe that each person from the mo-ment that he or she is conceived is endowed by God with these rights and that we are called to organize and regulate our whole political structure on the basis of these rights. !eir protection; their pro-motion; and , where they do not yet exist, their creation.will be my primary aim. !is is my platform, this is my vision, this is the vision that should bring every American into the new millennium with a renewed sense of purpose for himself and for his country and, since I believe that people across the world share these rights, a new purpose for the world for the 2000 + years. !ankyou next

question please..

Tom: Yes, but Mary Ann, if l may call you Mary Ann ?

Glendon: You may not.

Tom: Well , candidate Glendon, what do you o"er the people?

Glendon: I o"er them an end to shilly shallying, an end to woolly political jargonspeak and tech-nospeak that talks around the truth and says nothing. Let’s get people’s rights on the table and then work to see how we can start protecting them and fur-thering them. Little by little but a little more each day and each month and each year. !at’s what government’s gotta be about.

Tom: Ah, but Professor Glen don, our Economists show that any movement in such a direction would be sure to bankrupt the nation.

Glendon: Phooey! We’re bank-rupt already if you’re gonna go by the de$cit, so what’s new. Bank-rupt the economists no doubt.—and some politicians! Let’s get programs that help parents raise families. Let’s get programs that

help schools provide quality edu-cation for their students. Let’s teach ethics. Let’s welcome reli-gion into our schools. No body’s the worse o" for religion if its taught well and leads people to the good and the true. If you don’t lead them in those direc-tions in schools then whose gon-na lead them there in this culture where the family is a wilderness?

Tom: Well that’s all we’ve got time for tonight but I’m certainly glad you took the time to come. View-ers, we hope to have you back with us tomorrow night Election Minus Four when Candidate Glendon will be talking about War, Peace and the Economy. Good night.”\With that the television conven-tion went dark for the evening and Flunk, Tom and Diana con-gratulated Mary Ann for a great $rst throw of the presidential dice. Flunk took o" and %ashed on his monitor screen the follow-ing verse: YOU were unborn,/without a name,/people cared for YOU,please do the same.FCVP Election ‘96.

©Ralph Wright o.s.b.

Opinion & Entertainment

Taken 2 Review

Check out how the varsity teams fare on stlhighschoolsports.com 9

By Tripp Miller ‘16

Michael’s Vexations Blog: !e Chamber of Secrets ReopenedBy Michael Herman ‘14

Taken 2 is the follow up to the epic action movie Taken, and

while it retains some of the excite-ment, the movie lacks the brutal edge of the $rst, and feels like a lazy e"ort to re-create it’s predecessor. Liam Neeson delivers a decent performance in a so-so movie. !e basic plot is the same as in the $rst: people kid-nap Liam Neeson’s family, Liam seeks revenge. It makes one won-der why his family doesn’t take the hint and stop vacationing abroad. !e sequel takes place in Istanbul, which makes for some cool scenery in the backdrop of

all the killing, but is otherwise irrelevant. In this one, the rela-tives of the people Liam killed to save his daughter seek revenge on Liam by kidnapping his fam-ily. His daughter is hurling gre-nades, racing through streets in a cab, and playing a much more active role. Played by Maggie Grace, the character is a long way from her near-helpless role in the $rst one. It’s a bit disconcerting. !e movie plays out at a decent pace, with only a few plot holes. It is without the fa-mous phone monologue (“I have a very speci$c set of skills”),

which is a bit of a bummer. It also sets itself up for a sequel, which is irritating. !is $lm is a bit bland,an average action %ick, with a seemingly never-ending car chase, gun$ghts, and explosions. It’s watchable though, and is a decent way to spend an hour and a half. It’s not going to win the Palm d’Or, but it’s not really try-ing to. A standard-issue action $lm that doesn’t quite live up to the $rst, but is alright none the less.

On Monday morning as the entire school returned from

the Monday morning assembly we were surprised by a sight that strikes fear into the very soul of every mudblood within a 50-mile radius of the school. In front of Professor Linus’ o#ce was hung a Canada goose with a message explaining that the Chamber of Secrets had indeed been reopened and that all mudbloods were in danger. Being from a fam-ily with some of the purest blood in the school I had utterly noth-ing to fear. However a portion of the school knew was in great danger. !is personally vexed me like an unannounced Hip-pogri" attack because I am quite fond of some of our mudbloods. Concern arose in the school until $nally a little boy had been taken into the chamber. I decided it was time to take matters into

my own hands. I devised a plan to locate the chamber and bring back Kevin Schilling’s body from the murky depths of the chamber. I met with the classical language department to see if they could help me master Parseltongue be-fore I was to enter into the lair of the basilisk. !e concerned teachers explained to me that Parseltongue was an extremely complex language that died o" over two thousand years ago. !e teachers told me that there was no way that I would be able learn to speak Parseltongue before the night was out based on my track record in their classes. Professor Miller told me that he had done a search on the school when it had been $rst been opened and that with such little time it would be impossible to $nd. A certain Lat-in teacher (who is best known for winning the Record weekly’s best

smile contest 12 weeks running) then told me that he had narrowed down the location of the Chamber to one of two places. He had not revealed this to me in front of the other teachers because he was sus-pect of their motives. He told me it was either directly under the el-evator sha& next to the bookstore or under the girl’s lavatory near the library. When considering the second location, it seemed like the perfect spot to conceal a Cham-ber $lled to the brim with secrets. How many times have you actu-ally ever seen anyone go in there? I thought about under the book-store as well and how the monster could’ve easily been snacking on Rice-Krispy treats all these years and only needed to quench its thirst for mudblood every so of-ten. It was do or die time and we needed to make a decision about which way we were going to go.

!is teacher who has mastered the Parseltongue language decid-ed it was best to go to the lavatory. On a sprint we went over to the girl’s lavatory where the profes-sor poked around and said some incoherent snake noises under his breath. !e sink transformed itself into a slide and, knowing Kevin’s time was short, we imme-diately plunged into the bowels of the school to save him. Upon entering the layer we found stacks upon stacks of Otis Spunkmeyer mu#n wrappers. We approached Kevin who was ice cold with muf-$n crumbs lying all around him. In front of us stood a teenage boy who looked like he would $t in quite well with the priory crowd. He explained to us he was the great heir of the Switzer house. He told us that we had abused our muf-$n privileges for long enough and told us that Kevin had learned his

Puzzles

10 Next Issue: Friday, novermber 9 the end of term 1!

1. Handguns2. Backside3. Close4. Clothes5. Rupture in smooth muscle tissue6. 1 1 1 17. Donkey8. Regrets9. Declare untrue10. To yield or submit11. Go-between12. Slight color13. Daisylike bloom 19. A framework of beams21. Chooses25. Extent26. Cut back27. A single time28. Area of South Africa

29. Overact30. Lubricated31. Utilize34. Dry riverbed35. !erefore36. Adolescent38. Calypso o"shoot39. Waste 41. Besmirch42. Stigma44. Hinder45. Recurring theme46. Avoid47. Renegade48. Extraordinary51. Annoying insect52. Every single one53. Slender54. Prong55. Distinctive %air56. A promiscuous woman58. Weep

1. Mob5. Stockpile10. Information14. Region15. Follow as a result16. Auspices17. Russian emperor18. Rancor20. Preachings22. Hypoder-mic23. Upon (pre-$x)24. Express audibly25. Ad-lib32. Trousers33. Awry34. Damp37. Circle frag-ments

38. Filched39. Have the nerve40. Born as41. Hockey foot-wear42. Marsh plant43. Curse45. Mix together49. Blemish50. Extra53. Pixies57. Temple59. Cultivate60. Bright thought61. Bitter62. Two-toed sloth63. Sensed64. Culinary herb65. Dispatched

A2),++ D,51

1. Dry riverbed2. Not closed3. Rodents4. Tall woody plant5. Congruity6. Tropical vine7. Killer whale8. Weight loss plan9. Colognes10. Pronounced11. Flooded12. European blackbird13. Feudal worker 21. Old World vine25. Sick26. Not this27. Sharpen28. Burden29. Diner30. Pee31. Tidy33. Fuss

34. Close35. Walking stick36. Cocoyam38. Willing to comply 41. Ar-rive (abbrev.)42. Honorable44. Soak45. Foam46. Discussion group47. Twilled fabric48. Put away50. Coil51. Solitary52. Aquatic plant53. A noble gas54. Credit or play-ing55. Historical periods

D,51A2),++1. Value6. Prospector’s $nd10. What a person is called14. 3-banded armadillo15. Colored part of an eye16. Is endebted to17. Discourage18. Air force heroes19. Mountain pool20. Sow22. Small island23. Egg cells24. Specialty26. Full of com-plexities30. Parental brother32. Product of bees33. Self-employed person

37. Rectum38. Operatic solos39. Tiny sphere40. Part of the Bible42. African antelope43. Mountain crest44. Record player45. Reject47. Comes a&er Mi and Fah48. Box49. Loyalty56. Blue$n57. Rude person58. Transparent59. Portent60. Not short61. Ancient Greek marketplace62. Whip mark63. Type of sword64. Territories

11

Opinion & EntertainmentMitch’s Mysterious Madness

By Mitch Van Bree ‘13

shoot

48. Extraordinary51. Annoying insect52. Every single one

air56. A promiscuous

!e Mystery of the Strange IHS Symbol

Recently, Students and faculty around Priory have been no-

ticing this strange symbol around the school. !e symbol contains the letters “I-H-S.” A&er inquir-ing with other classmates, I real-ized that nobody knew what this symbol was for, or why it was placed all over the school. When I was informed that both Sherlock Holmes and Scooby-Doo were unavailable, I took it upon myself to get to the bottom of this mys-tery. I asked around the school to see if anybody knew anything.

Ed Houser: I think it’s a ran-som note! !e letters stand for “I have the swan.” Abelard isn’t dead! He’s been kidnapped – maybe by a secret society or something! It’s a conspiracy man!

Peter Krewet: I don’t know what it means, but I’m pretty sure the Je-suits are behind it … or Opus Dei.

Alex Haueisen: Mitch! I don’t care what it is! !ese symbols are driving me crazy! It’s so rude and inconsiderate to just put them all over the school like that! It really grinds my gears!

John Houser: I think it has

something to do with the 7th grader disappearances. Has anybody else noticed this!? Is-sac Grant, Noah Onder, Timmy Ullman, or Sam … ah what’s his last name!? I don’t remem-ber his last name, but seriously, I haven’t seen those guys in weeks.

Joaquin Alarcon: I think the let-ters stand for “Immortal Hank Schake,” so Mr. Schake is prob-

ably putting them up. Unless it stands for “Injure Hank Schake,” in which case he de$nitely isn’t. Or maybe it’s “I smoked here.”

Hank Schake: (Mr. Schake was unavailable for comment, as he was on the phone with AARP).

Fr. Augustine: As a major admin-istrator, I have devoted consider-able time, energy, and chaplaincy

resources to the investigation of this issue. As a result of this ex-tensive research, I have concluded that the mysterious signs must stand for “I hate s’mores.” I think someone on campus in engaged in a s’more smearing campaign. In fact, I suspect there is a secret s’more smearing society. Perhaps, several secret salacious s’more smearing societies. In response, I have allocated a considerable por-tion of our chaplaincy budget to the implementation and propaga-tion of s’more sensitivity sessions and s’more swallowing symposia. If they are e"ective, I am consider-ing adding some more s’more ses-sions. In any case, surely nothing justi$es the disruptive disregard of school protocol and the dis$g-urement, desecration, and de$le-ment of our pristine school walls.

If you have any information on the true meaning of the symbol and/or who is placing the symbol around school, please call 1-800-4466887.

Our beloved Fr. Michael Returns to campus!

LAUS TIBI DOMINE

12Oogitty boogitty boo!

lesson for bogarting the school’s mu#n supply. We returned to the top of the school where Kevin was able to breathe and walk again.

!e scare that took place in the chamber should serve as a warning to all that Magical Muf-$n Wednesday should not be

taken lightly and if another per-son takes the last mu#n again without me getting one I will personally take them into the

chamber where they shall lay for-ever never again eating a mu#n.

Vexes, Cont.