vlerick hrday 2013: the power of questions. - prof. katia tieleman
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Vlerick HRday 2013: The power of questions. - Prof. Katia TielemanTRANSCRIPT
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VLERICK HR DAY!HR PRACTITIONERS MEET HR ACADEMY
12 JUNE 2013
Welcome in the trackThe power of questions!
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Vlerick HR DAYThe power of questions
Prof Dr Katia Tieleman
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3Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Your neighbour as a potential customer
� Imagine that your neighbour is one of your
potential customers
� You get 10 min. to try and convince this
customer to work with you
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4Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Discussion
�How much of the time did you talk?
�How many questions did you ask?
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5Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
This afternoon’s menu
�What is the first thing you should do as a
hostage negotiator seeking contact with a
hostage taker? And what does this mean for
your day-to-day life?
�How to lead effectively?
�How to stimulate innovation and create value?5
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“ You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether he is wise by his questions”
Naguib Mahfouz (Nobel prize winner)
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7Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Creating impact
� How do you create the strongest impact? How do you build
relationships? How do you engage a potential customer? How
do you make the best possible impression?
� We tend to think that:
� ...magic happens by being ad rem, being brilliant, saying the right
thing at the right moment.
� ...asking questions gives a somewhat stupid and uninformed
impression.
� ...progress is made by answering questions.
� But history proves us wrong.
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8Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
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9Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
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10Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
�Drucker was famous for his intense
„questioning sessions“ with customers
(no consultant but „insultant“)
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11Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
� „I can always tell how experienced and
insightful a prospective consultant, banker or
lawyer is by the quality of their questions and
how intently they listen. That is how simple it
is.“
�CEO van 12 billion dollar company11
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12Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Socrates: de father of ‘the art of questioning’ as
a way of life.
� Allegory of the cave
� Dialectic (Elenchus)
� Looking for real answers
to key moral questions.
Questioning assumptions
and the principle of
falsification
� The highest form of
human excellence is
questioning oneself and
others
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13Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
The role of Socrates
Classic
� Communicating your own position
� Expert role
� Controlling knowledge
� Assuming meaning
� Showing how smart you are
� Analyses
Socrates
� Questioning
� Expertise of participants
� Include experience of others in conversation
� Seek meaning
� Showing them how smart they are
� Syntheses
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14Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Putting your brain to work
� Statements put the logical and analytical capacities
of our brain to work, leading us to fast conclusions
� Questions trigger the creative and imaginative
capacities of our brain, in an exploratory mode.
� Questions activate our brain automatically to think
for itself instead of purely reproducing
14© Vlerick Business School
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15Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
„Sometimes we don‘t get the right answers, simply because we haven‘t asked the right questions“
�Questions are one of the most powerful
communication tools: they can lead to hope,
connections and new insights or to despair and
assumptions.
�We loose our curiosity: a child asks an average
of 200 questions a day.
� The key to opening up the power of questions is
to choose your questions carefully.
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16Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Imagine...
� Someone you know can’t find a new job after
being let go for economical reasons.
He has been to a number of interviews, but
doesn’t seem to get a job offer...
He asks himself „What’s wrong with me?
Why won’t anyone hire me?“.
� The one million dollar question: „Why do
Afro-American students score lower on
mathematical tests?“
� How do we make the Ford Gent plant more
productive?
� Good examples of bad questions.
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17Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Choosing questions deliberately
� The moment you formulate a question, your brain
automatically starts working to provide you with the
answer.
� The moment you ask yourself what’s wrong with you,
your brain will provide you with answers: you’re too old,
too young, too inexperienced, overqualified,...
� Existing assumptions are confirmed.
� You could also ask: ‘How do I make my job interviews
more memorable?’ Or ‘How do I focus on the best job
opportunities?’
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18Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
3 types of questions
�Questions because the process is important
�Questions because the answer is important
�Questions because the question is important18
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19Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
3 mindsets
� We invest way too much in trying to adapt the
other’s behaviour instead of their mindset.
Mindset 1:Connecting
through questions
Mindset 2:Leading through
questions
Mindset 3:Discovering
through questions
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© Vlerick Business School
HOSTAGE NEGOTIATIONS
Prof Dr Katia Tieleman20
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21Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Mindset I: Connecting through questions !
� What’s the exempli gratia of establishing this
connection, even in the toughest situations, with a
success rate of 95%?
� In hostage situations.
� Book George Kohlrieser: „Hostage at the table“.
� Psychologist en hostage negotiator.
� First step: confidence, building alliance and
connection.
� Basis of all other steps.
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22Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
How to get 95 %
� „Secure base“ or safe HOME BASE – this is what hostages
miss most (they are caught in a spiral of anxiety, rejection,
pain and misunderstanding).
� That safe home base is what you try to offer. You are relaxed,
not threatening, not condemning, you try to understand, you
try to build a relationship of trust.
� In most hostage situations, arguments don’t work.
� Your most important weapon is ASKING QUESTIONS – the
right questions. By asking questions, you show sincere
interest, you make a connection – you offer a safe home
base.
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23Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
„De-hostage“ the people in your environment
� That safe base is also what is missing in many
difficult and sensitive negotiations in our daily
lives.
�So is asking questions
�Asking questions is transformative (me and
them become we).
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24Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
„De-hostage” yourself
� Moreover, it is liberating: often we ourselves are hostages
of our own assumptions and fears.
� By asking questions about the intentions and background
of others, but also of ourselves, we can uncover those.
� According to Kohlrieser we automatically focus more on
negative aspects, on the avoidance of fears and pain.
� It is the leader’s role to change this “mind’s eye” by offering
choices, perspectives and reflection moments.24
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25Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Power Questions (Sobel and Panas)
� „Can we start over“?
� If you forget to ask questions or ask the wrong one
�Don’t jump into the deep end
� In case of a bad start
� In case of emotional
escalation
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26Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
How would you want to be treated if the situation would be reversed?
�Help to look beyond emotions and judgements.
� Imagine you have your own company, and one
of your employees – a good friend – steels from
you. What would you do?
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Don‘t fix the blame, fix the problem
�What should they/we should differently?
�Why doesn’t this happen?
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29Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Mindset II: questions to steer!
�Steering questions contain (part of) the answer or steer the interviewee into a desired direction.
�Aim is to control the situation.
� Transformation: you let the other say what you want to attain/give (the other reaches your conclusion).
�Were you in the Vermont Hotel on the night of February 15th 2012?
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30Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Typical „pitfalls“
� Supposition questionsHow big will the price increase be?
Do you have problems with your boss?
� Link statement questionsA lot of people are against the Greek support. What do you think?
� Implication questionsIf you go to that party tonight, how will this affect the results of your exam
tomorrow?
� Acceptance questionsDo you agree that we should rescue the whales?
� Compulsory questionsYou do believe this is important, don’t you?
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31Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Split-second persuasion: flipnosis (Kevin Dutton)
�Biological factor.
� The playing field is determined even before you
say something: „The more you can say without
having to say it, the bigger your advantage“.
� Principles: simple, close to the other, surprising
(do you know how monkeys negotiate?).
� Emotions come first, followed by beliefs,
followed by reasoning.
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32Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Subtle leadership
� We often steer people into a certain direction with our questions (either intentionally or unintentionally)
� This effect is strengthened by the fact that the way you ask your question also influences the answer to that question.
� Examples: how tall/small is that basketball player; do you often have headaches and how often vs do you sometimes have headaches and how often (2.2 times often headaches versus 0.7 times sometimes headaches).
� Post hoc questions can influence our memories.
� Stress and tensions strengthen our suggestibility.
� Children are very vulnerable to „leading questions“.
� Ethical line: keep walking in the planned direction. Learning goal orientation or alienation of authentic goals?
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© Vlerick Business School
FALL INTO MANIPULATION
Prof Dr Katia Tieleman33
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Power questions (Sobel and Panas):
�No gorilla dust
� Is it yes or no?
�Check the commitment
�No time to think things over, no considerations, no
“maybe” or “if”
� Example: Reclaiming the American dream (R.
Cornuelle)
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35Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Is this the best you can do?
� Kissinger: the best report
� Steve Jobs: starting the first Mac
� Ask yourself
� Ask employees who don’t perform at their best
� Ask questions when you’re working on important projects
� Continuation questions: What keeps you from doing an even
better job?
� Is it worthwhile to invest more of yourself into the project?
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36Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
What do we have to decide? What have we decided?What do we need to discuss today?
� People are afraid of decisions, having to be to
the point
� Procrastination
� Leads to frustration
� Essential before and after meetings
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38Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Mindset III: questions to discover
� It’s not about steering, but about letting go,
understanding and discovering.
� Transformation: from positions to interests, from
subjective truths to the absolute truth, from naive
realism to pieces of the puzzle.
� Partnership implication – equivalence.
� Important in negotiations, conflict management,
brainstorming, problem solving, deadlocks,
innovation.
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Thoreau in his journal:
� „The greatest compliment
was paid to me today.
Somebody asked me what
I thought and actually
listened to my answer.“
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40Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Power Questions (Sobel and Panas)
� The 3 words: “what do you think”?
�Can you tell me something more?
�What are your plans? � Information
� Commitment
� Ownership
� Example: Gladstone and Disraeli, 2 former British Prime Ministers (19th Century) dine with the same eloquent lady. Her comment:„After my dinner with Mr Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in all of England. After my dinner with Mr Disraeli, I felt as though I was the cleverest woman in all of England!“
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41Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Why-questions: you can counter everything as long as you know why things went wrong
� Why is that important to you?
� Why do you want that (or do not want that)?
� Why do we do this?
� Why do we do things this way?
� Organisations know what they do and how they do it: the attractive story is in the why.
� This is no different for people
� Essential: when you want to get to know people, organisations and their motives.
� If you need to overcome resistance.
� No “what” questions, but “why” questions.
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42Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
Sales conversations
� What would you like to know about us? (instead of
answering the wrong question, giving boring/sleep-
inducing answers, loosing a sales opportunity)
� Are they willing to buy? What do you need? Is there
a problem or an opportunity? Do you know these
problems/opportunities?
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43Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
The foundation of innovation
�What is the/your question?
� The better the question, the better the answer will be
� Formulate every problem/every challenge as a
question
�Helps to ask the right question
�What are the possibilities?
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3 important questions
�What surprised you?
�What didn’t I ask?
�What is the question?
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45Prof Dr Katia Tieleman© Vlerick Business School
� Questions open the door for endless exploration
and for opportunities, to strengthen relationships
and to influence others
� The ultimate transformation: Ask yourself questions
about yourself
CHANGE YOUR QUESTION,
CHANGE YOUR LIFE
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Enjoy your coffee break.
A delicious birthday cookie with your coffee is offered by Quintessence.