Dr. Mayer’s MemoDecember. 2013

The HollerDays are Here Again!Yesss! The Holidays are here and they can become what I’ve dubbed as the ‘HollerDays.’ Now, even though I think we’ve been oversold on this notion that the Holidays are stressful and negative in many families, there is no denying the fact that some families do go through stress at this time of year. Further, often our students are stressed with assignments due over the holiday break and/or preparing for semester exams that they may face when they get back to school. In any case I want to help to make this time of year less stressful. So, here are some tips:

Watch your Attitude toward the holidays in general and to events you face. If you are going to be negative, the event will sure to be negative.

Talk-The Talk: Be positive, many times you are the one who has to put the energy and enthusiasm into an event.

No Yelling: Enough said. You’ve heard me preach about this many times.

Communicate with your family. Driving to and from events is a great time to have conversations, even if they are quick comments you make about an event or an attitude you share. These quips are getting into young people’s heads. I call them surgical strikes—you’re in their head quickly and then leave behind the great tidbit.

Orientate your family to what they are about to experience and what they can expect and what YOU expect from them at this event. Way too many times we (parents/adults) get frustrated with kids when they have behaved poorly, but we never gave them a roadmap on how we expected them to behave or how in general they are supposed to behave at such an occasion. Don’t take this for granted. Remember this may be our 36 th holiday year but it’s certainly that that many for them. Don’t assume they know what to expect or how to behave.

Take Charge of Your Family: If relatives impose certain negative behaviors on your kids, stand up and refuse to participate. Examples: An alcoholic toast, abusive language, insults, teasing, bullying, etc. etc. And, in taking charge start this process at the ‘invite’ that’s a great time to inform your host, “Thanks for the invite to the family Christmas party. You know I just wanted to mention that we are uncomfortable when you pour the kids champagne at the toast. Could we bring some apple cider for them?”

Model Appropriate Eating: Not only in the orientation conversation but also in your actions, be a leader and model for your family of sensible eating and not overindulging at holiday events. This can be a time of great learning of a positive healthy lifestyle for your family.

Have an ‘Exit Plan’: Yep, my golden rule is: If it’s not Fun, you’re done! Boy, does this apply to the Holidays. If you are at a family member’s house, or any holiday even and it’s negative, detrimental for you and your family---LEAVE! Don’t force yourself to tolerate inappropriate situations just because, “It’s the Holidays.” If it’s negative, it’s negative. You instill a great social learning lesson in your kids by this control.

All This Being Said, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

More at: www.DrJohnMayer.com www.TeensTheFix.com www.ParentingTheFix.com