VERBATIM

The counseling process takes place at a room in an old folks house. A young-rich man has been asked to undergo a counseling session by the management of the old folks house because he can’t accept his father in his life anymore.

First Stage – Attending

This is the first stage of counseling process where a counselor tries to attend his/her client in order to make something clearer. The counselor will provide a comfortable environment so that the process can be done smoothly.

Dialogue

A client knocks hardly at a door’s room.

Counselor : Come in. (a young and handsome man enter the room). Assalamualaikum. (raise hand for handshake)

Client : Waalaikumussalam (shaking hands with counselor arrogantly).

Counselor : Have a seat, Mr.Jeffri.

Client : Thank you.

Counselor : So, what should I call you?

Client : Just call me Jeff.

Counselor : OK Jeff, please make yourself at home. (the counselor smiling to the client).

Client : Thank you (the client doesn’t reply the smiling back).

Counselor : I’m Wan Najmu’deen Wan Omar, your counselor for today. Wow, the condition outside there is quit cool right? It seems like the rain would fall anytime from now.

Client : Yes, I think so. (the client replied hesitantly)

Counselor : Don’t you feel comfortable now, Jeff?

Eye contact and facial expression

Concerning of client’s feeling

Non-verbally – open posture to show receptive

Attract client’s attention

Client : I’m just fine.

Counselor : Are you sure Jeff?

Client : Yeah, I’m just fine.

Counselor : Ok Jeff, you don’t have to worry. You can put you trust on me. As far as you can see, there is no camera in this room. There is also no recorder that can record our meeting today. Everything that you tell me will be our secret, just between us.

Client : Yeah (nodding, but unintentionally). But

I don’t think that I should be here. I’m not a prisoner that should attend a counseling session. I have my own career.

Counselor : No Jeff, you are not. Don’t think that you have attended a counseling session. I’m here to help you as my friend that needs my advice. You are like my friend, not my client.

Client : Whatever (sighed).

Counselor : Well Jeff, I’m so bored last night. I went to play paintball last night. Don’t you think that game was great?

Client : You play paintball? That is my favourite activity. (the client throw a smile to the counselor). Where do you play that game?

Counselor : Sultan Salahuddin Club. I went there with my friend. So, where do you usually play that game? I’m sure that you have a lot of friends, right? Surely you feel enjoy with them.

Client : Yes, since I don’t have any family anymore, so my friends are everything. They are my family for me. I’m all alone without them.

Answer the client’s anxiety and curiosity

Gain client’s trust

Attract client’s attention

Staying confidential

Determine hidden feelings

Counselor : Yeah, I see your situation now. You are all alone, right? You don’t have family, you just have your friends in your life. So, that’s why we call you to come here, to give back what you should have. The one that you should take care for him when he is not able to take care for himself anymore.

Client : My father? No way. I prefer to be with my friends rather than him. He had died long time ago in my life. My family suffered because of him.

Paraphrasing

Show empathy

Promoting decision making

Second Stage – Exploration

This is the second stage of counseling process where a counselor enabling clients to examine themselves, their internal and external worlds. The counselor will encouraging client to describe their problem and expectation, to examine their own behaviour, to clarify and find meaning in their feelings and to consider how they might resolve their concerns. This will help clients in the often painful process of sharing their shame, humiliations, hopes and fantasies.

Dialogue

Counselor : Just calm down Jeff. I know your situation now. That’s why I’m here to help you. Just tell me everything that bothers you now. It’s all just between us.

Client : I don’t know where I should start. I never have a father’s love before. I’m feeling like I was born to this world without a father. And I really don’t have father actually, I just have mother and sister. My mother passed away 7 years ago, and I’m the one who take care for my family after that. Now, my sister also has her own career. She can live on her own feet because of me.

Counselor : You are a good son, Jeff. You are willing to take care for your family alone. But that doesn’t mean that you can deny that you have a father in this world, isn’t it?

Client : Oh man, you really don’t know what had happened to my family. There were a lot of miserable things happened because of him.

Counselor : I see your situation Jeff. Just continue with everything that bothers you now.

Client : Okay, frankly said, he is really an irresponsible father. He doesn’t have any job, and always come home late at night. He is a gambler that likes to drink a lot.

Staying confidential

Ask for clarification

Respect and positive regard

Verbal reinforcer

Oh my god, I really hate him. I feel ashamed of having a father like him.

Counselor : Okay Jeff, you said that you really hate him and ashamed of having a father like him since he is a gambler that likes to drink, right? What’s more that have been done by your father that make you can’t accept him in you life anymore?

Client : Since I was child, I never saw my mother be in happy situation. Most everyday she will be hit because of irrelevant reason. Can you imagine that? I still remember that night, he mad at me because I stared at him. Then he tried to hit me but my mother protected me. Because of that, my mother fell down and bleeding on her head. He innocently left the house after that, without knowing that how my mother felt at that time.

Counselor : I don’t blame for your feedback towards your father. It is natural to behave like that as a reflection of what had happened. But I know there is something behind what had happened right.

Client : I don’t know what I want to say anymore. What I know is I hate him damn much. I can’t see his face anymore, or else I feel like I want to kill him.

Counselor : Wow, your expression shows that you are very angry with him. Its okay, I understand. But what I want to say is the feeling will not bring this problem nowhere. As a son, you will know what you have done one day.

Client : I knew it, but what can I do? I’m just an ordinary people that have feelings, just like you.

Counselor : Yeah, that’s true. Every normal people have feelings. My advice is, it’s not the

Paraphrasing

Perception check

Genuineness

Summarising

Reflection of feeling

feelings that control ourselves, but we have to know how to control the feelings. Well, before we proceed, let me check out what you have told me just now. You said that you hate your father and you feel ashamed of having a father like him. Because of that, you never feel happy with your father since you was child. Then, your family suffers because of him. Is it right, Jeff?

Client : Yeah, right (the client stared to the floor).

Summarising

Third Stage – Understanding

This is the third stage of counseling process where a counselor attempt to grasp as fully as possible the messages that client are trying to convey by both their verbal and non-verbal behaviour.

Dialogue

Counselor : Well Jeff, don’t you feel anything by neglecting your father just like that?

Client : Did you say neglecting? Ahh, come on. He is the one who neglected us. So, he should accept what he had done to us. He deserves to be here.

Counselor : Yes, that’s right. But you have to know that whatever happens, he is still your father, your biological father. He is the one who brought you into this world.

Client : Yes, I knew it. But what can I do. As I said just now, I’m an ordinary people, I have my own feeling. I want him to realize that what he had done is wrong.

Counselor : You want him to realize that what he had done is wrong. It sounds like revenge, isn’t it?

Client : Revenge? I don’t know. Umm, maybe yes. I want him to know who am I. I want hi to know that I can survive without him. I can achieve my ambition job as an engineer. Moreover, I have a lot of money now although I have to go through a dark life with him.

Counselor : I impress with you because you succeed in your life apart of being through a hard moment. But Jeff, your father is still your father. Try to learn to forgive him, and build a new life with

Immediacy

Confrontation

Paraphrasing and clarification

Respect and positive regard

him. I’m sure that he has changed. He has no one in this world except you.

Client : You can say that because you don’t feel what I feel. I still can be considered as a good son because I put him in this old-folks house. Or else, I just throw him away at any paveyard and let him live there without any shelter and food.

Counselor : You said that you are a good son, but is that the characteristic of a good son? You are wrong Jeff. You can’t be considered as a good child if you willing to do that to your own father.

Client : (sigh).

Counselor : Jeff, it’s all about your relationship with your father. He has no one in this world except you. What your father had done in the past, let it be a bad memory for you. Try to learn to forgive him.

Client : It’s very hard for me to think about this.

Counselor : Jeff, I know that you believe in God, right? So, just think about what I am trying to say. You have gone through a dark experience in your life. So do with your father, he had made a big mistake in his life. Now, you are comfortable with your life, you have a lot of money, you feel happy, but try to think about your father. He has to suffer for the rest of his life if you don’t do the right thing starting from now.

Client : (the client just quiet and look downwards).

Counselor : So from now, you have to think about this. Think about the God’s power. You said that you have a lot of money, you

Confrontation

Reflection of feeling

Immediacy

Immediacy

have a good job, but that entire can disappear in a split of second if God want. What you have done to your father can be considered as disobey to your parents. You have committed a big sin Jeff. I’m not trying to warn you, but this is the reality of life.

Client : (the client still quiet, just nod upward and downward)

Counselor : Are you all right Jeff?

Client : Oh, sorry. Yes. I’m all right.

Reflection of feeling

Concerning of client’s feeling

Fourth Stage – Action

This is the fourth stage of counseling process where both client and counselor move to the process of solving problem.

Dialogue

Counselor : Jeff, there surely a way in every problem. First of all, don’t think that you can’t handle this situation. Believe in yourself.

Client : Yes, I get what you are trying to say. I’m trying to think about this. It’s very hard for me to decide on this since it involves with my past.

Counselor : I’m proud of you Jeff, you still can consider with this situation. Not all people are like you. I have handled a lot of such cases, and it’s very hard to find a person like you.

Client : Thanks. I don’t need such of that compliment. You had made me feel guilty.

Counselor : It’s okay to feel guilty actually. Like I said, family is everything for us. Your father is also a part of your family. So Jeff, now you have two choices that you have to think deeply, whether you want to accept your father back in your life, or just let us to look after for him till the end of his life.

Client : (the client stays quiet for a while). I don’t know.

Counselor : Maybe you need time to think about this, right? It’s okay. I’m not force you to accept you father back. But I just perform my responsibility to God as well as to you, to inform you about the right and the wrong thing. That’s all, Jeff.

Genuineness

Respect and positive regard

Reflection of feeling

Promoting decision making

Reflection of feeling

Client : Yes, I just realize that. But everytime I think about my father, I will remember about what he had done to us. That’s terrible for me.

Counselor : That’s a good sign actually, to show that you are respond to the normal life. You can learn to adapt with that situation, Jeff.

Client : I have tried, but I failed.

Counselor : Take the fail as a catalizer for you. What your father had done in the past, let it be a relation between him and God. Only God knows how to deal with your father. You have to realize that you will marry and get children one day. Can you imagine if the same situation happens to you one day?

Client : I hope not. (the client show a sad expression)

Counselor : So, like I said just now, only you can make the decision. I don’t force you. If you willing to accept your father back, that’s Alhamdulillah. But if not, it still okay because God still wants us to continue our responsibility to keep your father.

Client : Well, I think I need time to think about this. There are a lot of things that I have to think about.

Counselor : It’s okay if you want that. I understand. Take your time to think about this. When do you think you can give the answer?

Client : Give me two weeks time. When I have made the decision, I will let you know.

Counselor : My pleasure. I will wait. I know that you will make the best decision.

Arranging follow up session

Concreteness

Open-ended question

Reflection of feeling

Promoting decision making

Fifth Stage – Termination

This is the fifth stage of counseling process where a client has accomplished the goals whether it set by the counselor or the client himself or herself during the evaluation. The client is ready to end the counseling session.

Dialogue

Counselor : Okay Jeff, let us check what we have discussed during this session. We have identified your problem regarding on your situation. Then we have set some goal for you to achieve. Apart from that, there are also some solutions for your case. So, how do you feel now?

Client : I feel much better. I never think about my father before. I just think about what he had done. Now, there are people who concern about me.

Counselor : Okay, that’s good for you. That’s a function for us as human being. Apart of care for ourselves, we also have to care for others as long as it is not beyond the limit.

Client : Okay, I will bear in mind about that. Thank you for understand me and for everything. Hmm, I will tell my decision in two weeks time from now.

Counselor : Welcome. That’s my responsibility. I will wait for your answer. It’s very nice to know and deal with you.

Client : Okay, see you. Assalamualaikum.

Counselor : Waalaikumussalam.

Summarizing as well as reviewing the whole process

Perspective check

Gives feedback and affirmation

Unconditional positive regard