Good Evening everybody I hope whilst you are reading this you will be in your seat ready to watch some great sporting events over the next 2 days. Varsity is a great event not only does each University get to show which is the more dominant in a number of different sports but they get the chance to show some of the amazing work that students do for Charity, students from each institution have both picked great causes to support and last year there was over £11,000 raised and I hope that can be beatenthis Varsity.   Both Student Unions have worked well together in organising such a big event, and special thanks must go to both Kathryn Kearney and Nadine Jeffrey who have both put a lot of time and effort into organising this year’s event.Our Teams have been hard at work since Christmas with BUCS fixtures and raising money for our chosen charity. The students have chosen to support Simon 

Adams who is suffering from Motor Neurone Disease and his wish is to raise £1million for the MND Association, Simon has been a real inspiration to all of our students and himself being ex-Marjon Student playing rugby during the event (a number of years ago).  It was an honour to present him with his very own Marjon Rugby shirt on Behalf of UCP Marjon Student Union and UCP Marjon Sport.

We would also like to take the opportunity to thank Atlantic Intertial Systems, part of the Goodrich Corporation, for their continued support of student sport at UCP Marjon. The teams look splendid in their AIS sponsored kit. 

Varsity is always a great event to watch, and there will no doubt be some great games to watch so I hope you enjoy

COME ON MARJONS!!!!

PRESIDENTS’ SPEECH

www.marjonsu.co.uk

  So here we are again! After a year of waiting, countless competitive matches and an unbelievably strong performance from many of the University’s clubs, the time has once again come for our annual Varsity Clash against UCP Marjons.Varsity originated between the rugby teams of both institutions at a time when the two biggest educational bodies in Plymouth were a polytechnic and a college. Since its humble beginnings, Varsity has grown to the week long spectacle that we have today; a festival of sport that gives hundreds of students an opportunity to compete on pitch, court and pool for the title of Varsity champions. A phrase that needs no further explanation.

  Not only does Varsity raise the profile of university sport around Plymouth but it is also an important charity fundraising event. This year both institutions have selected a charity to support: ‘What Just Happened’ is a charity started by a Plymouth student that aims to provide support for families that are unable to visit their children in hospital and will give vital support to families across the country. Varsity will also be supporting the ‘Simon Adams Foundation’. Started by a Marjons graduate who was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease, this charity has an ambitious target of raising £1 million in support of MND research. Last year was a record breaker in terms of fundraising so lets be sure to top it again in 2011!

So, for those of you that are competing, remember what you are playing for and be sure to battle with pride, passion and ferocity in the culmination of a years sport at Plymouth University. This is our year 

to defend the Varsity crown and lets make it our own from the first minute to the final whistle.Likewise, if you have turned out to support our teams then make sure they get the best you have to offer as Plymouth students. Be proud in your support and cheer our sportsmen and women home when they bring in the big wins!And finally, I would personally like to give a huge thank you not only to our sports teams for the hard work they have put in this year but also to the Varsity committee, without whom we would not be able to celebrate a year of sport in a week long clash for the top spot in Plymouth.

Many thanks and enjoy all the performances!

Thomas DavidsonVice President Sport

The Varsity committee would

like to thank:

For help with providing match officials

throughout the season.

Thanks also go to

For hosting this years Varsity Matches

www.upsu.com

KEN DOBSON & ANDY BRAY OF THE RFU&IAN LEONARD FROM THE DEVON FA

PLYMOUTH ALBION RFC&PLYMOUTH PARKWAY FC

Welcome to Brickfields!

  This year has been the best season that UPLRFC has ever had; we have come from successive years at the bottom of the league to the clubs first ever promotion and success in the BUCS conference cup. Physically we are the strongest and most technically able squad we have ever had and tonight we will prove just how great and strong we can be. My heart has been in this team for three years now and I am proud to be leading the girls onto the pitch tonight, but I couldn’t do it without the strength and support of our coaching team.

  A huge thanks goes to our skill coaches Stevie and Cameron, they have made us both technically and mentally able to dominate in the league this year and to put on the best skill performance possible tonight. In addition a massive thank you is due for our fitness coaches Steve and Andy they have spent a term getting our fitness to our peak and I hope 

that this will be shown on the pitch tonight. Finally I wouldn’t have been able to work with the team in the way I have this year without the ever endearing support of the backs pack leader, Niki Paton.  She has shown great leadership and maturity in supporting me and the team and she has been essential to our success this year. Further Thanks to all of our sponsors Cool Digs, Varsity, McCaualeys, Blush and Kit World for tonight’s kit and their support throughout the year.

  The passion and strength we will show tonight has been the reason why our season has been so successful and tonight we want to show you just how great we can be. UPLRFC this year has become a successful sporting club and tonight I expect we will no longer see a Marjon dominated display. Welcome to the new era of UPLRFC and I hope you all enjoy what has been anticipated to be the best game of women’s rugby in Plymouth for a long time.

Sarah MimnaghU o P Ladies Rugby Captain(2009 – 2011)

PLAYER PROFILES

www.upsu.com

1. Lucy CallinghamA new addition to the squad this year, Lucy has earned the nickname ‘KO Cally’ by astonishingly knocking out 2 girls in one game within 20 minutes! She is a strong ball carrier, hits hard and has a 

ferocious sense of pride! Well earned place.

2. Lucie EdwardsLucie is starting her 2nd Varsity after a fantastic season. She has developed into the most important element of the front row and has made the line out her own. Hot tempered Lucie’s aggression will be key to driving 

the scrum forward tonight.

3. Megan ApseeThe first of 3 veterans tonight, this is Megan’s third and final Varsity, she has been the core of UPLRFC not just through her role as chairman but her domination on the pitch. Another brilliant ball carrier Megan has pace, safe hands 

and will be one to watch tonight.

4. Zoe RoddAn experienced player, Zoe has incredible presence and dominance in the lineout and she has been essential to forward play this year. Zoe’s confidence and strength in the air will be integral to tonight’s lineout success.

5. Helen Bonner-SmithNarrowly missing out on a starting position last year, ‘Bone’ has really developed into a strong and reliable second row. She has great presence and knowledge and has become one of the more experienced members of tonight’s pack!

CAPTAIN’S SPEECH

LADIES RUGBYMon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

www.upsu.com

6. Bobby WilsonA new element to the squad this Welsh fresher has grown into her back row position. Quick of the scrum Bobby is a strong defensive player and her experience and awareness has grown over the past season. She 

has owned her starting position this year and I hope she proves this tonight. 

7. Sarah Mimnagh (Captain)As UPLRFC captain and the one leading the team out on to the pitch tonight, Sarah is the core component to the team. As a captain that is tough but fair Sarah has picked the team up and pushed for a well deserved league 

promotion. Watch out tonight for her massive hits’ and her ability to get stuck in all over the pitch, her leadership skills will ensure a very close game!

8. Greta ReinjtesThis ‘Irish/German’ back row has been turned rugby player from basketball ace. An aggressive player, Greta’s determination combined with her power has made her a superb ball carrier this season and hopefully this will 

continue on to tonight. Greta is certainly due a try!

9. Alice SmithWith her aggressive attitude ‘Agro Alice’ combines her aggression with intelligence and has confidently controlled play all season and has scored a fair few trys on her way! Her ‘heads on’ style of rugby has really shaped the 

new era of UPLRFC play, and hopefully she will be rewarded tonight.

10. Kara BuckleyThis strong headed Aussie has been plagued by injury, after a horrific end to the season last year, Kara is back fighting fit and with a vengeance. Her position at 10 she has been the play maker this season and will continue to do so 

tonight, her quick feet, pace and agility gained her starting shirt tonight.

11. Sophie LawsonRecruited from the Army Sophie Lawson is incredibly fast, incredibly fit and will be running rings around everyone tonight. A marathon runner her fitness will be integral to her performance. A solid tackler Sophie has held the 

Wing position this season through her defensive prowess. Hopefully Sophie will make sure she puts the ball down over the right line tonight!!

12. Kate HancockOne to watch, Kate will be causing Marjon’s trouble all night, a seasoned regional player Kate brings confidence, experience and knowledge to our game and creates fantastic try-scoring opportunities. An all rounder there’s no weakness  

         to Kate’s game.

13. Laura DeemingLaura came into the team as a second row and tonight finds herself part of a strong line up of backs. New to centre Laura finds incredible lines and will always be there to support each player on the 

pitch tonight. A growing partnership with her inside counterpart they will be causing Marjon’s serious trouble!

14. Rachel StylesRachel ‘Keen Bean’ Styles has been an interesting character for UPLRFC. Always enthusiastic she always brings a smile to the team. A developed boot she has a mean kick and conversion and she has 

been constant throughout the season. She is aggressive into contact and has a unique style of catching. Good luck tonight Styles! 

15. Niki PatonTonight’s back pack leader, Niki is the heart and soul of UPLRFC. She gives everything both on and off the pitch and as last year’s try scorer Niki will be looking to get more tonight! One of the most confident players Niki’s confidence 

has helped the team grow this season, three years since her first Varsity start she 100% deserves her place tonight. 

LADIES RUGBYMon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

4TH OFFICIAL: PAUL STINCHCOMBE

Substitutes

16. Gabby Kelsey  Gabby is one of many experienced front row players within the squad this year. She has been working incredibly hard and has grown into a solid and 

confident hitter, with brilliant hands and has touched over the line many times already this season; let’s hope she does the same tonight. 

17. Kyna DowsonOne of many Irish on the pitch tonight Kyna has really developed into a confident rugby player this season, her ball handling and her hooking skills have progressed rapidly though out the BUCS season. Fierce and quick Kyna has 

been stealing the ball in scrums throughout this year and will make a massive impact off the bench. 

18. Charly AlexanderAggressive and hard hitting Charly is a utility back and can player anywhere in both the backs and forwards! With pace and safe hands she has proved she is worthy to earn the UPLRFCJersey tonight.

19. Helen HazelwoodHelen has progressed tremendously this year and has developed with pace, strength and confidence. She can play anywhere in the back line but look out for her on the wing tonight as she will be one to watch!

20. Jess PooleAnother technically able back, Jess has incredibly good hands, especially from height. Her first year at rugby, Jess has developed not just technically on the pitch but as a confident and vocal member of the team. A big Gloucester fan 

Jess’s rugby has been heavily influenced by their play and she cuts line to rival Olly Morgan and Tom Voyce! 

21. Hollie FisherHollie has had a fantastic season both on and off the pitch. Her role as treasurer has brought her closer to the team and her performance on the pitch has become stronger and much more confident! New to back row Hollie Fisher will 

be com-manding the scrum from the back and communicating with Al-ice all night.

22. Lisa AldredThe final fresher in the squad, Lisa has been selected tonight for her fitness, aggression and sheer determination to earn her shirt. Coming into UPLRFC this season Lisa has developed and learnt the game and put into practice 

everything she has been told. A big presence on the pitch her aggression into contact is a key factor to her selection.

www.upsu.comLADIES RUGBY

LADIES RUGBY OFFICIALS

AR 2: GRANT MOSSFORD

AR 1: ROB GUYREFEREE: TONY SPREADBURY

Mon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

www.marjonsu.co.uk

  This season we started with pretty much a whole new team with only a few seniors returning. Our first few games of the season were a challenge and it showed through our game play that we were a new forming team, however throughout the season we have gotten better and better, progressing individually and working well as a team which has led to us winning most of the second half of our games. This just shows how much the team has improved through every aspect of the game but their passion to win, and I no I have 21 players tonight who will not only give 110% but will give blood, sweat and tears into tonight’s game!

Nadine Sheehan (Captain)

Mel ‘Timmy’ Dent:Never without a hat (even on the pitch!) Mel is the joker of the team. If the girls ever need a pick me up you can always count on Mel to be there cracking jokes or falling over!! However she is one of the biggest hitters on the team and 

leaves her Timmy ways behind as soon as she steps on the field. One to watch out for not only for her powerful lineout lifts but for her steam train runs.

Kerry Ackerman:This player has been leading from the front this year. She’s always there to ruck, maul or tackle anything that gets in her way. Give her the ball and boom she’s away, not afraid of any opposition that gets in her way with some great 

runs and support play this year.Just one word of warning... watch your toes!

Nadine Sheehan:Captain of WRFC this year. She has been a true inspiration on the pitch for the last 3 years, making some of the biggest tackles on the pitch, and always there for her players if they need her. Off the pitch she is one of the first on the dance floor 

on a Wednesday night showing people how it’s done. She has been a great asset to MWRFC and will be truly missed by all.

Kim Barber:Well what can I say about this fresher? She’s one of the most experienced fresher’s to have come to MWRFC. She puts in consistent games both defending and attacking to the best of her ability, she’s not afraid to ruffle 

some oppositions feathers either and when others are blowing she’s always there to encourage them to carry on. One to watch tonight.

Charlotte Homewood:One of the best fresher’s we have had this year!!! Charlotte also one of the jokers of the team can often make the girls laugh by singing Wurzle songs and just generally walking (ha). She has progressed throughout the whole season and is 

becoming a very confident and able player, who will definitely make an impact in tonight’s game!

Michaela Excell:This Bristolian fresher has made one of the biggest improvements within the team this year, going from never playing rugby before to being a regular for Marjon and in the Albion Ladies squad. Michaela has taken to rugby like a 

duck to water and has become a valued member of the MWRFC family. Michaela plays hard but parties harder.   Good Fresher!

PLAYER PROFILES

CAPTAIN’S SPEECH

LADIES RUGBYMon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

Leanie ‘Legs’ Swansbury:Legs has been a regular starter for MWRFC this season and this is down to her fast feet and silky moves in and out of the opposition. She has come on leaps and bounds throughout the whole season and has made a huge impact in every 

game. We know we can count on legs tonight as she won’t stop working until the final whistle.  

Stacey Saunders:She has become one of the star wingers on MWRFC scoring in all games she has played, in most occasions more than once!! Stacey plays her heart out every game and this is shown by her show stopping runs and making every tackle. A 

true inspiration to the other girls who will progress to make an awesome senior player next year!!

Vicki ‘Crazy’ Smith:The craziest member of the team and never without a story, Vicki is a valued member and has improved massively over the season. This cheeky player never misses a tackle and makes runs that break the defensive line every time. A 

supportive player on and off the pitch, Vicki is one to watch tonight!!

Harriet Jeffery:She has made a huge impact on the team this year through her quick feet and silky moves. Again she may be one of the smaller players on the pitch but she has a massive work rate and never shy’s away from a big tackle. Harriet 

is a regular starter for MWRFC, and with every game played we no we can count on her to make a difference on the pitch.  

Amy ‘Haymish’ Hayes:New to Marjons this season, Amy has improved in every game she has played in and she has more to come. Working well with the centres, Amy often makes her own runs and breaks the defensive line. Quiet of the pitch, but makes 

a huge impact on the pitch, she has been a great fresher this year!!!

Julz Short:This ginger ninja has been a true inspiration to everyone on the team this year. She’s not afraid to make big tackles and run some great lines, setting up most of the tries scored this year. Although not the biggest drinker in the team, Julz 

often comes out team bonding on the Oceana dance flow showing off her crazy dance moves. 

Hayley ‘Fresher’ Ifould:The most senior member of the team, and the bubbliest, Hayley is now going into her third Varsity! Hayley is a valued member of the team with her massive tackles and show stopping runs; she plays every game and is an inspiration 

on and off the pitch. Don’t be fooled by her giggly personality, as soon as she walks out on that field she becomes a machine not to be messed with. 

Charley ‘Pea Head’ Wright:Vice captain of the team and she has led by example for the whole season, making massive tackles considering her size and giving 110% to every game she plays. The only person I no who can be hit over and over and still get up 

laughing. This petite player should not be messed with and has some of the quickest feet on the team.  

www.upsu.comLADIES RUGBYMon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

Sophie Cleverly: This hockey convert has been fully welcomed into the rugby family this year, both on and off the pitch. Although one of the smallest players on the pitch, Sophie isn’t 

afraid to give it her all.  Sophie may not be the most experienced on the pitch tonight but she will give her all and have great fun doing it.

Rhiannon Parker: New to the team this year, Rhiannon has been committed to the team throughout the whole season and has made a big impact in all games she has played. She 

is a very passionate and confident player and this shows through her decision making and motivation of the whole team. 

Beth ‘Pint Size’ Bromfield:One of the smallest members of the team but don’t be fooled, this pint sized player should not be messed with and is never seen stood still within a game. She makes every ruck and maul and puts 100% into every game she plays. 

Amy Cooper:A very confident and enthusiastic player, Amy has always stood out when playing this season. With her rugby knowledge and passion for the game Amy will also stand out in tonight’s game. With her quick hands and explosive tackles, Amy 

will definitely be bringing a lot to tonight’s game!

Jess Rudd:This injury prone player has not had the best of luck this year, but is back with a vengeance. Jess is one of the biggest hitters on the pitch and is not afraid to take a tackle or two. 

Leanne Cording:A convert from football, Leanne has made a massive impact on the team this season. You would not even realise this is her first season of rugby as she has fitted into theteam perfectly. She never missesa tackle on the wing and is one of 

the fastest players on the team; Leanne has definitely left her mark in the team this season. The question is, ‘will anyone be able to keep up with her??’ 

Beth Middleton:Although Beth has never played rugby before this year you wouldn’t be able to tell. Converting from the wing to 2nd row may be a challenge for some, but not this player. She makes booming tackles and great runs which can break any 

defence. This player can often be seen in the middle of the Oceana dance floor, boogying the night away.

Leah Smith:The longest standing member of MWRFC, Leah is renowned for her mouth on the pitch, but it is put to good use during the game (most of the time). She is a feisty player and never gives up!! She is always making huge tackles and having 

great lines of run. Leah is a great member of the MWRFC family and will be greatly missed next year!!

www.marjonsu.co.ukLADIES RUGBYMon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

  I’ll begin with a massive thanks to all the spectators that have come to support the University rugby team in this huge and special charity event. Varsity is and will continue to be a great sporting tradition between the two Universities. Although the rivalry is intense the occasion brings people together in celebration of the sport and support charity within the Universities. For us this season has been one of the most successful the rugby club has ever seen with the 1st team going un-beaten and therefore being promoted. Hopefully tonight we can keep that hundred percent win record and win varsity for the fourth year in a row! UPRFC is on its way up, placing a marker on the rugby universities map. Because of this each year the 

club gets a flood of great rugby playing fresher’s, which increases the chance of a success season for the club. The great commitment from players and committed performances is why the team has done so well. Our success is also down to the link with Plymouth Albion, being able to use their facilities for training and the coaching from Ryan Hopkins, Rory Watts Jones and Kenny Fisilau. Again, thank you for coming to watch and hopefully we can put on a performance worthy for this brilliant occasion. Hope you all have a great evening and night. 

Thanks

Angus Hogg 

CAPTAINS SPEECH

1. Russell MorrisRuss has been a stand out player this year. His huge 19+ stone frame can be destructive in the scrums as well as his trademark rampages in the loose. He is the top try scorer of the season and no doubt you will see one from him tonight.

3. Nick ‘Unit’ HolmesOne of the biggest players on the team so look out for this guy taking up huge crash balls and punishing people in the scrum. Nick has definitely secured his place tonight through the hard work his has put into the whole season.

2. Sam ‘Crunch’ WhiteWith his strange ‘lego man’ shaped body, Sam has been a consistent 1st team performer throughout the year, playing in his 3rd varsity. Crunch will need all of his aggressive power tonight and will hopefully smash Marjons as he does best.

4. Kai NevilleBeing one of the new members of the team Kai has definitely stepped up this season and proven his worth. He is an unbelievable player in the set piece and repeatedly breaks the gain line in the loose.

6. Angus ‘Baby Poo’ Hogg (Captain)Baby Poo has done a brilliant job this year as captain of the 1st team. As a strength and conditioner he has been focused and committed... Before you ask, yes that is a course. You’ll no doubt tonight see him shift is bulk very effectively around the park.

www.upsu.comMon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

MENS RUGBY

PLAYER PROFILES

5. Ben DevonportAll I can say is thank God Ben dropped out of Med School at Cardiff to come to Plymouth! Ben is a great player all round. He’ll be carrying loads of ball and be everywhere on the pitch so you can’t miss him. Combined with Kai they make a second row to be reckoned with.

7. Ed Bowe One of the finest lids I have ever seen. His receding hair line gives him a stream line affect helping get round the park to make bone crunching tackles.  This is Ed’s first and last Varsity so expect a big game from him tonight.

9. Alex ‘Little Johnny’ JeffersThis little man stands at barely over 5ft but luckily punches far above his weight. All year he has made much bigger men look like fools whilst running round them or under them!

11. Owen ‘Googes’ AbbotThe nickname ‘Googes’ is due to Owens googly eyes but do not fret, his vision for spotting gaps in the defence is awesome. Owen will make breaks tonight even if Marjons do have a strong defence.

12. Jonner CorellisAll I can say is do not judge a book by its cover. Although John does not look like a centre he definitely plays like one. Massive breaks and huge hits in the midfield are common place. John his fast, powerful and strong and it will be hard for Marjons to stop him tonight.8. Owain ‘Mr Bean’ Loyd

Being captain last year and making regular appearances for the warriors there is no doubt that Owain is a fantastic player. He has had a consistent season, performing every game without fail. This man is a machine and will put everything into tonight to get himself Varsity win number 3.

10. Dan CheersHas secured his position this year through his great control of the backs and his ability to make the right decisions at the right time. Dan, being 10, plays a vital role within the team and will play a massive part in the winning of the game.

Mon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

www.upsu.comMENS RUGBY

13. Will SowdenAlthough taking the position over Alasdair MaClaurin for having the biggest head in the club he is one of the top players this season. Whenever a try needs to be scored or tackle needs to be made William will do it. Watch this man.

14. Ed MaslaveckasBack row being his main position Ed has also made a huge impact in the centre position and at wing. Ed has all the assets of being a top class rugby payer, except for being 21 and still not being able to grow any decent facial hair.

15. Willy ‘WiWi’ GibbsWiWi is a popular member of the club and has played exceedingly well all season. Although starting the season with terrible blonde highlights he has sorted himself out and kept his position for tonights game.

16. Paul ‘Creeky’ CreekAn absolute scrummaging God, Creeky has destroyed any opposing prop. He is a player that you can rely on to do the

AR 1: JOHNATHON HEALY

AR 2: PAUL BOX

REFEREE: KARL GIBSON

17. Sean ‘Beast’ OlyanjuNicknamed the beast, weighing in at 240 pounds and standing in at 5ft, this guy was made to bring the noise. He will make a huge difference off the bench, jackling the ball and making huge crash carries. 

19. Kade DillonKade is exactly what you want in a back row, strong, fast and fit but not also the most annoying person to play against. His aggression levels are through the roof which will make it very hard for Marjons to play the type of game they want.

21. Ross BattonRoss, like Owain, is also looking for Varsity win number 3 and has made a rapid recovery from a broken thumb to play in this game. Not only will he add size and strength to the side but also speed and skill.

18. Lewis ClarkeA consistent all rounded forward being able to perform at 2nd row or anywhere in the back row. This guy has played great all season and will be a great pack leader for next season.

20. Nick BoltonNick became famous in the club after chinning a bottle of port in less than 2 minutes... It’s true I was sat next to him. Not only is he skilful with a bottle of port, he is a class back and will do damage when he comes off the bench.

22. Ollie ‘Weston’ TrottOllie is everything you look for in a scrum half, brilliant service, excellent awareness and manipulates the forwards like puppets. Although being one of the quiet members of the club his presence is known on the pitch.

www.upsu.comMENS RUGBY

4TH OFFICIAL: LANCE DOGGART

MENS RUGBY OFFICIALS

Mon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

Elliott Worrall (c)This year’s captain has a lot to stand up to but not as much as his 4 ft girlfriend though who has no doubt got a copy of the yellow pages handy for Elliott’s kiss after the game. Can the leader of our ship finally turn up and play more than five minutes against the scum or will he bottle it again.

James Antony Sach Mr ‘I’ve played at a high standard’, a fresher who always has something to say. He has settled in well this season so let’s hope he can put his money where his mouth is and make sure those lineout’s are straight.

Niall Stokes Otherwise known as ‘Snorlax’, has had a very good year following the recent news that the Student Union is sponsored by Dominos. With a lot of weights on his shoulders, this boy is destined for a good performance.

James Sellens This multitalented man has been impressive this year, not only on the rugby field but in his preferred profession of painting and decorating. Can this 40 year old man keep up with the young guns tonight?

  This season has been very interesting; with there being many ups and many downs. Losing our coach half way through the season left us struggling to come together as a team after Christmas, injuries putting us on the back foot for most of the season with key players being out for a long period of time, facing relegation in Bucs and fresher’s only just getting to grips of 1st team rugby. However, the squad finally came together; with a bit of organisation, commitment and determination the boys are ready for the huge battle tonight. With extra training sessions each week for the build up to this match will all their hard work pay off and those four training sessions a week prove helpful.Selection was very tough this year as many 

players of the rugby club are fresher’s, players where battling for positions all season. So, with the final squad chosen, the boys are fit and ready to face the challenge ahead. Hopefully with the Marjons supporters behind the boys in a one off grudge match will give Plym Uni a match they will remember. 

Elliott WorrallMarjons Mens Rugby Captain

CAPTAINS SPEECH

www.marjonsu.co.ukMENS RUGBY

PLAYER PROFILES

Robert HeathThis squishy faced tank has played a big part with the team this season, when he is available that is. As president of the MSU he is always running about, so let’s make sure he runs on the field today like he runs the MSU.

Mon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

Alex Friend – FurneauxFresher of the El Capitan, has gained his respect this season. No doubt will this fat headed fresher be stepping up and heading off for round 2 at half time for a massage with the Kay Shuttleworth Worrier.

Harry DaweThe man with bigger boobs than any other woman at Marjons. Will no doubt this tank of a centre be crashing up tonight as well as crashing out tonight after a few beverages with his buddy Craig ‘I LOVE SALLY’ Phillis.

Tobias HayesNewly elected Chairman of MRFC, has finally established himself in the selection committee for next year. Let’s hope that for tonight’s game he will be able to fill out that extra small ladies shirt he wears!

Antony Cox When this brittle mature student isn’t in hospital he is on his leash getting the best cuddles anyone can ever have. Can this Welshman carry on putting in a good performance?

James ScottFor sure you will be seeing Scotty’s bobble head going up and down as he is running about on the field today. With his massive head, can he get his mind set on tonight’s match and carry on his outstanding performances. 

Kitt Christopher Thomas Peter The man with four first names has already been nominated best hands of the year for MRFC. Kitt will be sponsoring his sister’s nude naked hockey calendar available from the man himself. Let’s hope his hands are up to scratch tonight.

Harry SeamanThis so called London Irish Academy player has recently started  ‘hanging out’ with success due to the fact he cannot succeed on his own. Can this frog, leap through the defence tonight?

Callum WilsonA so called ‘Northerner’ who has claimed to have bowled out Alistair Cook is batting well above his weight. Let’s hope his sponsors ‘Detol’ are not disappointed by Callum’s performance tonight.

Sam Allen When Hong Kong Sam isn’t dressing up with his mates as a large dragon, he is playing rugby and boy is he playing it hard. With Sam’s scrimmaging technique on top form the boys will be hoping for a celebratory chow mien cooked by the half Asian man himself.

Tom SergeantAfter being promoted to burger taster in McDonalds, this second year has improved a lot this year becoming a regular player for the 1st team. Can this slender forward perform well with his new scrum hat to hide the thumb print on his head?

www.upsu.comMENS RUGBYMon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

James CreekWhere do we start with Mr Creek? This guy has been showing his face on and off all year and is a great asset to the team. As this year’s Vice Captain, can ‘Creeky’ cool himself down at halftime to stop those fists from flying?

Charlie GraceFamously known for crushing a can with his ‘hammer’, has finally hammered the nail in his love life. Maybe Mr Grace can step up to the mark and perform well on his home ground?

Harry CunninghamDudley born and bred, this little Outdoor Ed fanatic has been consistently good this year. With feet smellier than gone off milk let’s hope this fresher is on his toes for tonight’s game.

Duncan SpurrierKnown as ‘P-unit’, he is following in the footsteps of the previous dream boy, this up and coming model and dance king has given his all this year. Will his performance tonight be as good as his feminine dance moves? 

Oli RaynerFormally known as dream boy. When Oliver isn’t playing rugby he is strutting with his t-shirt off, topless weighting or posing for a camera. Can ‘Rayner’ play out of his skin tonight?

Ollie HarcusAnother fresher who is a big part of the team, when he isn’t pouncing about in his helmet, pads and sticks that is. Can this ginger giant hold his own and show us what he’s made of?

James RutherfordAfter being on the special K drop a jean size diet, ‘Jim’ has lost most of his bulk. He has now settled down with the love of his life even though a restraining order is in place after certain nights out. Allowing ‘Jim’ out will hopefully make him perform tonight as he cannot perform for her. 

www.marjonsu.co.ukMENS RUGBYMon 21 March

Plymouth Albion RFC

  Ok, Varsity 2011……it’s here!!!!!!For all of you playing……good luck, and for all of you watching, this game is for you too! It’s extremely important for us as players to have your full support in this event. From others members of our team, to members of other sports and societies, from students of the University and also the staff that make this fantastic event happen year on year, Nadine, Nicola and Tom we thank you foremost for your dedication to Varsity and hope we can do you proud across all sports. A big thank you goes out to Lewis Thompson, who week after week gives up his time to coach us and take us to matches, So Lewis, this ones for you mate!

I have had a great season so far Captaining this growing team, we’ve had some good, and some bad games this season, but the good completely outweighs the bad because of the dedication and sheer effort these players give off the back of a defeat. Beating the likes of Bath and Southampton with 9 players has been a personal highlight for me and the team as a whole.

A lot of the team is made up of our fantastic new freshers, who have made this team a pleasure to lead. From the commitment of some people to the skill of others, I am very positive about 

this year’s game. This being my fourth Varsity I have seen some great play, and I have come up against some very good competition in Marjon; I have no doubt they will be putting in a good performance like always; however I have every faith in this team and am looking forward to playing some great football; and not forgetting…raising lots of money for the chosen charities, a fantastic way to unite in University sports and help out with things that really count!

Once again year upon year we have more support at these events, and more and more banter from the sides:“Careful Marjon…..don’t want anything TOO original……..”But on a serious note, lets all try and show some good sportsmanship (from both sides), how the brand that is ‘varsity’ was meant to be.

Finally I would like to wish everyone participating in this event the best of luck, enjoy it and show your teams what it really is to be part of something. And personally from me……UPLFC, I thank you for allowing me to lead you in this.

Sam BrassUniversity of Plymouth- Ladies football Captain 2010/2011

CAPTAINS SPEECH

1 Monika Hukellman (GK)German Student Monika has fully integrated herself into the team. A strong keeper who’s presence in the goal stands out…..by the fact that shes 6 foot tall!

15 Andrea Hughes (GK)After playing her first year in all different positions on the pitch, Andrea has proved to be a black horse in the goalkeeping department! Surprising her teammates after covering when we have had no keeper, diving around all over the place and showing confidence when saving the game for us more than once!

www.upsu.comLADIES FOOTBALL

PLAYER PROFILES

Tues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

2 Gemma Patchett (RB)Theres many words I could use to describe patch, but on a sporting side, an extremely valued member of the team, proving herself a strong right back player, whos showering habits could give a skunk a run for their money……..conservation of energy was that?!

4 Kathy Murphy (RB/LM/ST)Fresher and newcomer to the club; Kathy has shown confidence and agility on the pitch, playing in defensive, midfielding and striking positions. Never scared of a tackle she has earned her spot securely on the Varsity squad! 

6 Matilda Brereton (CB)Without a doubt the most committed member of the team, never late, never absent, never talks back. A great player and defender, and also a great friend across the squad, encouraging her teammates when she can and never giving up.

8 Emma Chisholm (CM)Vice CaptainThis years Varsity and team vice captain, she is a valued member of the team who has secured her centre midfield spot. Always committing to tackles and never scared to get her head on a corner!  Definatly makes up for her lack of socialism when she does show her face on a night out! You drunken old mess!

7 Sam Brass (RM) CaptainAn extremely proud varsity Captain and player this year. Well known for her ridiculously strong kicks and famous goals from corner kicks….once could be classed as fluke but three times…. ??? Still living up to her famous clumsy reputation, we are all secretly hoping she will make a tit out of herself at this match too. 

Nicola Brailsford, (LB)Keen and committed Nicola has come in as a new player to UPLFC this year, filling in all defence positions but falling into her comfort zone at the left back of the field. When she’s not at the game you’ll find her asking for your order at the drive thru.....”would you like fries with that?!

5 Becky Littlehales (CB)“Whats chavvier….? A gold saxo…..or a gold KA….?” Committed fresher Becky has become a core player in UPLFC, from comedy value and crazy rally driving, to the sheer strength and ability I have witnessed when she is playing, she is defiantly one to watch!

3 Dannielle Avis (LB) Everton by name, Everton by nature! Scouser Dani has become an extremely valued left back, with no fear she has proved shes not one to be messed with, let alone the gob on her!

www.upsu.comLADIES FOOTBALLTues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

www.upsu.com

10 Dannielle Smith (ST)Vice- chairperson Dani, who proved herself last year on the team, has become a core individual in the teams overall running and organisation. Coming back from a few injuries we hope she can pull out all the stops and perhaps score some goals.

12 Alice Ladbrooke (CM)One of the most agile and versatile players to have graced the UPLFC lineup. From running the mid-field and working confidently alongside centre mid- Chisholm, to scoring some beautiful goals that would give stevie G a run for his money. However one strongbow down and the hugging and ‘I love you mates’ become active ;) haha

14 Kate Nicholls (LM/ST)An asset to the team, Kate has always been a strong player across her 3 years at University, Training around her hardcore study periods and placements, to come along and score goal after goal, and making runs up and down the pitch, proving she is not a player to dismiss!

11 Becky Richards (ST)Livewire Becky became the top striker for the club in no time at all, from the first training session right up until today, she has scored goal upon goal; Battling through ongoing injuries and sickness, her commitment and skill has helped us win games and build confidence. Also known to flash a few skimpy outfits throughout the year!

13 Debi fisher (LB)A third year student who has settled into the team this season, playing generally in the left back position she gets better every game. Known for sporting a pair of glittery sandals for the team photo, to giving Jodie marsh a run for her money in the outfit stakes! (Had to get that one in there Debs mate!)

16 Roisin Cormack (CM/ST)SLYNN! One of the most developing players on the squad, going from strength to strength in training and defiantly in matches, can play all across the field and never ever moans. She’ll probably be spotted down the rum bar or firefly, unshowered, and clutching a bottle of Captain Morgan tightly in her hand.

Tues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

AR 1: DAVE HARDING

AR 2: NEIL LANE

REFEREE: BARRY JACKSON

LADIES FOOTBALL OFFICIALS

www.upsu.com

Natalie ‘Batch’ Batchelor(Vice & Centre Forward):

  Top goal scorer last season, Batch is a vital player to the team with a great passion for the game and her team mates. She is always up for the challenge and makes 

sure everyone else is too. She is sure to be buzzing for tonight’s game and determined to bring home the trophy with another varsity goal in her locker. ‘Ohhh commmeee onn, yesss I knnoowww!!’ (Batchelor, 2011).

Sarah ‘Smudge’ Smith(Captain & Left Back):

  As captain this year, Smudge has shown a huge amount of commitment to the team. She managed to score an amazing left footed screamer that managed 

to be disallowed due to that particular game being abandoned before full time. A player who tries to work 100% every week for her team mates but has also proven she is a dab hand at forgetting important things like bringing the balls needed for training and pre-match warm ups! – Sorry girls!!

  This year has been a rollercoaster year for MLFC. At the start of the year the club was given the acclaimed ‘Academy Status’ which allowed the academy players to have free access to physic treatment and the opportunity to have Strength and Conditioning training. This, with the welcoming of many talented freshers to strengthen the squad which was left from last year, we had a really positive outlook on the season ahead. Once a messy social was completed, the season is now well under way with the MLFC girls finding them contesting for top spot in the league with only one point currently in it.  As mentioned before, this season has been a 

rollercoaster but definitely one worth riding. As a team we have had highs and lows with both emotions and results, but the real testament to the girls is that we have all stuck and gone on the journey together. This has been my first time as a captain and will be my final year playing in Varsity, and I am certain this will be our strongest Varsity performance yet. The girls I have worked with and played alongside this year have been outstanding in their commitment to the team and their team mates and are real testaments to the spirit within UCP Marjons. Go do yourselves proud girls and play with the pride and self belief I know all have inside of you. 

Sarah ‘Smudge’ Smith– Marjon Ladies FC Captain

CAPTAINS SPEECH

www.upsu.comLADIES FOOTBALL

PLAYER PROFILES

Tammy ‘Dwarfy’ John (Mid):

  Tammy is the ‘Angry Kid’ of the team, who is happy to give up hours of sleep to help the team out....48 hours? No, this is a 24 hour awake-a-thon Tammy!! A dedicated 

player who has bailed the team out on several occasions throughout the season and is constantly at training. As well as 11 a-side, Tammy has been a consistent member of the successful Futsal team, and definitely deserves her place in the Varsity 2011 squad. 

Nai ‘Red Card/Asbo’ Smith (Winger):

  This year Nai hopes to stay on the pitch longer than a record of 20 minutes of a Varsity game! She works hard until a few grumbles, and then she gets back on her 

game again. A great asset to the team, as she always wants to do her best for her team mates. Also the Marjon Ladies Futsal Captain, Nai is never one to back down from the challenge of playing 11 a-side where she brings her close ball control with her. 

Tues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

Kat Marment (Centre Forward):Kat is one of the quickest strikers around and is a formidable player, who is certainly not afraid of hard work on and off the ball. If you see her play it is understandable why Kat is the top goal scorer a massively influential player within 

our squad. Kat keeps herself to herself, however I’m sure that if she does want to raise a point she would do it by showing her absolute class on the pitch and in particularly, in front of goal. 

Amy Hemingway (Right Back):A fresher who has walked into the squad this year, playing RB. Don’t be fooled by this girly blonde, the giggles, and the girly nature of this player, this girl can definitely hold her own, put in a tackle and will battle hard right up to the 

final whistle. A true Marjon spirited player that is sure to make an impact during the game today, and definitely during her time at Marjons. 

Rachel ‘Growler’ Towler(Centre Forward): A very quiet fresher on the pitch, but off the pitch...well... it’s another story! Rachel is definitely a strong member of the social team, and the most memorable from the main social this year as Huey the dolphin.  

A skilful player, which is most likely down to her dancers tinkle toes, who still can’t quite manage a squat....! Rachel is definitely getting more confident in her performances for MLFC and Varsity will be the pinnacle of her season, and a well deserved reward for her hard work and commitment. 

Emily ‘Michelle’ Field (Centre Back):‘Michelle’ is half the heart and certainly the whole voice of the MLFC defence. Always putting in a solid performance she won’t take no crap off anyone. This wll be her 3rd and final Varsity and will no 

doubt show her commitment to training, S&C, and the BUCS fixtures, by proving why she is a player who deserves her starting place. Working extremely well with her fellow CB, Emily ‘Michelle’ Field is not a defender you want to mess with.

Kat Marment (Centre Forward):Kat is one of the quickest strikers around and is a formidable player, who is certainly not afraid of hard work on and off the ball. If you see her play it is understandable why Kat is the top goal scorer a massively influential player within 

our squad. Kat keeps herself to herself, however I’m sure that if she does want to raise a point she would do it by showing her absolute class on the pitch and in particularly, in front of goal. 

www.marjonsu.co.ukLADIES FOOTBALL

Stacey Tonkin (Winger):Stacey is one of our more experienced players. This left footed mid fielder is making her 3rd appearance within the MLFC Varsity squad, proving she has been an asset to the club throughout her time at Marjons. 

She is a skilful player that is not afraid to run at her opponents often whipping out her skills as she goes past them. She is a very attacking player who would much rather see her team push forward rather than being pushed back. 

Sam Drewery (Centre Mid):As with Smudge and Emily, this is Sam’s 3rd and final Varsity. She is and extremely versatile player with an awesome ability to score from a free kick, or by setting up goals often. Probably the tallest player on the pitch, who is good in the 

air and on the ground, is a solid tackler. A quality reader of the game, Sam will control the midfield tonight. There is no doubt Sam will be putting in a solid performance today and will show Marjons what they will be missing next season. 

Tues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

Grace O’Leary (Centre Mid):

Grace is one of our strongest tackling fresher’s, who is not afraid to go into a tackle and win the ball. Despite gaining an injury early in 

the season, Grace has come back possibly stronger and more confident than ever. A real asset to the team, Grace holds the centre of midfield with both Sam and Lucy. This is definitely a player who will live on in MLFC history. 

Channelle Whyton (Goalie):

This goalie is utterly one of a kind! An absolute legend around Marjons, who we have had the pleasure to laugh with when a ball goes over her head and into the net, but even if this happens, 

Channelle is an astonishing player who really shows you that you can do anything if you put your mind to it. Not a bad stand in considering she was only going to cover the goalies duties for one match, one season on and still going strong!Becky Parkyn (Centre Back):

Becks is a no nonsense CB who will get stuck in right from the word go. This CB is a player who is not afraid to tell people what she thinks, and has the ability to use her frustrations to her advantage and 

putting them into her performance, increasing her hunger to win the ball. This is Becky’s 2nd Varsity for a good reason. Her dedication to the team in both the football and socials is the reason she is an influential player and a big part of the club. 

Mel Ferguson (Left Back):

A quick yet quiet player that needs to have more confidence in herself! Mel has the potential to be a key player for MLFC. She has shown she is quality for the Futsal squad this year by receiving W.O.M. in 

the 2nd heats, scoring a few great goals. A talented fresher to watch out for and who is also a top cricketer. This multi-talented player will be leaving her opponents left standing when she goes for 6 and shouts ‘howzat?!’ Christina Gannon (Left Mid):

Chris is one of our fab fresher’s this year who brings with her commitment and quality. Due to the depth of the squad, sadly Chris hasn’t been able to show us every week the talent she has when 

playing LM, but certainly those times she has had a game she has impressed. As with others, Christina could do with more belief in herself as with a bit of confidence this girl will shine in any team she plays for but more importantly, go on to do amazing things with MLFC. A true asset to our squad. 

Paige Marley (Centre Mid):

Another quiet fresher until she has had a Smirnoff Ice...or two! Paige is a hard working individual who tends to spend most of her time on the floor because she is our heavy 

weight, weighing in at about 7 stone! – Course we’re only joking Paige, it’s more like 6! A cheeky one to look out for that always makes the team have a laugh with her Janner accent (we laugh because we don’t understand!!). A great all rounder who fits fabulously into our squad.  

www.upsu.comLADIES FOOTBALLTues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

  Varsity is the biggest event of the year. It’s where dreams are realised or shattered. Every year both the University of Plymouth and Marjon hype up the game, filling it with excitement and intensity. On the night you can be sure of a fierce and passionate competition, with crunching tackles flying in, and tempers flaring in a very heated affair. The rivalry between the University and Marjon has been built up to unprecedented levels.This year has seen a very new 1st team to the University of Plymouth Football Club. Only a couple of players from last year’s squad have remained, many have made the step up and a couple of freshers have earned their places here. It’s been a season full of ups and downs. The year started with the top three teams being hit with a 14 point deduction in their Saturday leagues, so none have really challenged. 

However in the BUCS league the 1st team have performed well and are making a strong push for promotion, lying top of the table. Last year the 1st team came away from Varsity with an emphatic 3-0 win, and the Marjon team will not want a repeat. This year the University team will be desperate to hold on to the trophy, however it seems that the game is going to be a much closer contest, with Marjon currently topping the league above. This technically gives the University the title of ‘underdogs’, however confidence is high and we’ve certainly proved to be a side to be reckoned with. The big crowd and support makes a massive difference to the performance, so get fully behind us and let’s make sure we’re celebrating together by the end of it!

Rob Bird – 1st Team Captain

No.1 Jake ‘Shakey Jakey’ McleanJake is a beetroot, he’s so red it’s untrue. He’s only ‘un-shakey’ when he’s on the dancefloor....where he stands completely still like a frightened gazel and is quite frankly awful. Don’t annoy him ‘cause he’ll explode. Never seen 

him with a girl, so he’s been made ball-bag boy of the team. Can’t play outfield to save his life so UPFC have stuck him in goal for 3 years. Between the sticks he is our last line of defence with his dustbin lid hands and canoe feet.

No.2 Joe ‘Noel’ WheadonGrandpa Joe is old. He has always been a 1st team player ever since he joined UPFC and is now enjoying his fourth year in the club. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been in and out of rehab numerous times. Often found 

down the Barbican with Keenan licking windows. No idea why this boy is doing a masters. I think it’s because he has nothing else to do. A veteran full back with great tekkers, unless he’s been on the lash the night before. He’s been there, done it, got the botox and now tells us how things have changed since he was young. Old fart. 

CAPTAINS SPEECH

PLAYER PROFILES

No.3 Aaron ‘Spock’ SatchwellAaron is a teacher and likes to spend most of his time with children. Often mistaken by passersby as Spock from Star Trek. Often seen around Plymouth with Captain Kirk on the prowl in the Starship Enterprise. Has the worst accent in the club. 

Satch is a very good footballer with a great left boot who likes to get forward from his natural left back position. Missed the first half of the season to be with the kids, but has come back with a bang.

www.upsu.comMENS FOOTBALLTues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

No.5 Matt ‘Ronald’ MacdonaldRonald, Ron, Ronzy....or if he’s trying to sleep with you, another name. UPFC through and through. Always out, always shazozzled, always reported missing the next day. Don’t add any girls you like on facebook because Ronzy will add them too. Well known for 

his inspirational words in the changing room and pre-drinking living room alike.....’BOOOYYYSSS!!! LET ME HEAR YOUR ROOOAARRR!!!’. On the pitch this lad will die for the shirt. A strong and talented footballer, Ronzy has proved himself to be a hard right back to get past this season.

No.7 James ‘Wetty Number 1’ NevilleA cheerful fella, but on the pitch he’s the grumpiest sod you’ve ever met. Don’t say anything to this kid when he’s playing football, even if you’re saying something nice: He WILL bite 

your head off. Very wet, always in with the wife and orange juice getting high on life. Nev spent two years in the 2nd team squad before making the step up this year to 1st team. He’ll always chase down a ball, but instead of tackling you he’ll just run straight into you. He occasionally bites and will get you goals with one of the best strikes in the team.

No.6 David ‘Bore Off’ WatkinsTry to stay awake for this........Dave is our hypnotist. He always has a stat, a useless fact or a boring story to tell, usually about Fifa. He even moves like a little Fifa player on the pitch shouting “Triangle, Circle, X and Square” 

as he goes. Dave had a brief romance on tour with Alex Otoka, which fizzled out as they realised it would ruin their other relationships, of Dave’s girlfriend and Otoka’s X-Box.

No.8 Dan ‘Superbad’ MasonMason is weird. He only hangs out with Maguire to make himself seem less weird. Looks like Evan from Superbad and has never heard of socks. If he’s not filming Maguire falling down the stairs, or doing the Fame workout with 

Tiger, he’ll be relaxing with OK magazine. On the football pitch he’s a different class and anyone marking this annoyingly good player will leave the pitch feeling pretty pre-school. Because of this Binney has nicknamed him ‘Zidane’. Misses sitters but scores screamers.

No.4 Ali ‘Ali Mayoh’ MayohI honestly don’t know who this kid is, he’s so quiet. A gentle giant, until you get him on the pitch. Mayoh doesn’t do anything extraordinary. He plays a bit of footy. He drinks a bit of beer. He talks a little bit. You can’t miss 

him; he takes up the whole back seat of a bus. Just your average guy out to steam-roll you in a challenge. A bit of a machine on the pitch, he never loses a header and is calm on the ball.

No.9 James ‘Oakie Doke’ BaldwinThis boy is usually half passed out with a bottle of White Ace, throthing at the mouth somewhere being a nuisance. Don’t speak to this kid ‘cause all he does is swear back and spray saliva in your face doing it. On the 

wing his pace can be deadly. Loves to beat 5 men before making a pass, and is pushing for top goal scorer. 

www.upsu.comMENS FOOTBALLTues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

No.11 Josh ‘Ricky Bobby’ OliverNicknamed ‘Ricky Bobby’ for his two first names, Josh is Grech’s understudy. He sleeps for 19 hours a day, only getting up for football and a phone call to mum asking how to cook mini pizza. A true baby-faced fresher who has 

become the medi-bag boy. Thankfully he hasn’t got his school crest tattooed on his arse, but the way things are going we could be seeing a tattoo of Grech’s face there. A promising talent on the pitch, who will serve UPFC well for the next couple of years.

No.13 Mark ‘Wetty Number 2’ BlissettMark is Nev’s best friend. Also spends his Wednesday nights having cocoa and cuddles with the girlfriend. Never angry, always smiling, he is one of the nice guys. Blissett is the happiest 

text messager in the world. Every text ends with :) He also dresses like a rainbow.  Very quick on his feet, nicknamed ‘Bale’ by Binney. Likes to get in behind full backs and weighs in with his fair share of goals.

No.10 Adam ‘Ugly Justin Bieber’ GrechAdam is a pompous toff who chose to swap his polo and fox hunting for football this year. He sleeps for 20 hours a day and only gets up to play football. Possibly the laziest guy ever to grace the 

club, with 15 minute walks becoming marathons. Once fell in love with a tall leather-wearing long haired blonde, only to find out it was a man dressed as Lady Gaga. Because he is a pompous toff, he got his school crest tattooed on his ass cheek......say no more. As for football, this lad puts himself about and works extremely hard on the front line. He can be clinical in front of goal, and likes the precise finishing. 

No.14 Greg ‘Teeth’ PalmerIf Greg isn’t annoying you, he’s annoying someone else. An absolute nightmare on a night out, with his witty banter and cheeky comments to strangers, mostly girls. Started his UPFC career in the 7th team, and 

proved his ability over the past two years as a good footballer. He looks like a pepperami and has a fit sister. Off the pitch you can’t shut this boy up, but on the pitch he’s a mouse who just goes about his business. However his touch and technique allows him to be a very versatile player for the side.

No.15 Rob ‘Leader’ Bird (Captain)Rob Bird is our self-named leader and is captain of the 1st team. A boy stuck in a hairy man’s body, he goes to sleep watching The Wild Thornbury’s. If he says he’s not going out on a Wednesday or Saturday night, he’s lying to you. 

You’ll always find him chatting up a girl in C103 or claiming to have one of his five a day in Food 4 U. Birdy grows stubble just to stop himself looking like Cupid and shooting love arrows everywhere. He is a music student who writes soppy songs and uses it to impress girls. However behind all this soft rubbish, lies a strong centre back with a temper problem. He wins every header and loves a hard tackle. Don’t give him a reason to snap you.

No.12 Andy ‘Avatar’ KeenanThis kid has no brain, fact. I think it’s just cotton wool in there. Often found shopping in the Early Learning Centre and always coming up with a pathetic question that is an obvious understanding to a 5 year old. As 

the other fresher of the 1st team, he has become tape boy, and must supply the team with tape on match days. Andy is a strong midfielder who can also fill in anywhere along the back line. Sure to be a good player for UPFC in the next couple of years, he just needs to be reminded every now and again of which way he’s attacking.

www.upsu.comMENS FOOTBALLTues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

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  Good evening ladies and gents and thank you for coming along and supporting Marjon football club this evening. I speak on behalf of the rest of the lads when I say that this season has been a very successful year compared to last season, where on paper we had potentially one of the strongest squads, but under achieved greatly. However a new season and new faces have all helped us to the position we find ourselves in at the latter stages of the 2010/2011 season. The appointment of our football academy coach Ben Deacon, has been a step in the right direction for the football club in my view as from day one, he has set out his expectations of the lads and the style in which he wants to play, and with the hard work and dedication of all involved.After last season’s disappointing result between the two sets of teams where we went down 3-0 to a good Plymouth University side, I am sure us

boys will be looking to seek revenge and triumph this time round. Let’s just hope the game is played in the correct spirit in which it’s meant to be played, and all enjoy a great night afterwards. So come on Marjon get behind us boys and help us bring the trophy back home where it belongs!!!

Have a great evening

Josh Fenwick (Captain)

CAPTAINS SPEECH

Josh Fenwick Captain:Josh is renown in the squad for his habit of getting attached and falling in love very quickly. When Josh isn’t busy pestering girls he actually makes a very good captain. On the pitch josh is a top quality player, however, as far as a captain goes his banter 

and drinking ability severely lack.  A worrying fact is that once Josh graduates from his babysitting course (Beds) he will be educating the future generation. A big shout out to his new fiancée K.H. 

Luke Purnell:This is Luke’s third outing in a varsity match. A great lad who is always central to humiliation of others in the dressing room. A self proclaimed hard man, who lets everyone know about it, however when phoning him on several occasions only to be 

confronted by his ‘princess’ picking up the phone explaining that he is busy having ‘snuggle time’…. Very embarrassing Luke!! A great keeper, who can turn defence into attack within seconds, with his excellent kicking distribution. Elite 21.

Nick Dwyer:Marjon’s only successful ginger sportsman and four long years at Marjons make him the most experienced squad member.  Nick holds a superb record of scoring in all football teams at the institution. Hopefully he has packed his sun cream tonight 

due to his typical Ginger skin complexion not mixing with the bright floodlights. Unfortunately as a squad we believe Nick should return to his favoured sport badminton. Big shout out to Shaggy. Elite 21. 

www.upsu.comMENS FOOTBALL

PLAYER PROFILES

Tues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

Ian Stonebridge(wherever he wants):Argyles legend, unfortunately this may be Ians last chance of varsity after failing two modules already this year. For his age he seems very athletic on the football pitch however rumour has it in the bedroom this isn’t the case. Ian 

may not be finding the net this year but he has assured us a good performance is due. Ian has promised if he manages to get on the score sheet tonight he will be getting the drinks in for all of Marjons. $$$

Chris Black:Chris is in his 3rd year of his modelling course unfortunately he’s passing it with flying colours.  Not only is Chrissy a top goal scorer he also has his own successful Robbie Williams tribute act, as well as Chris being 

a top entertainer he has also been asked a few times to step in on a few Milky bar kid adverts, yeeeeeehhaaa!  A win tonight will surely see Chris making a long waiting appearance in the ocean. 

Mathew Bieber : This may have been Biebers second year at Marjons had he not ran home crying last year. Understandable for a boy of his size to be home sick. Like many footballers he does seem to have a server gambling problem. But on a positive note we are lucky to 

have Beiber as his usual Wednesday nights usually involve dribbling in the local strip club. A big win tonight may finally give him the confidence to lose his virginity, ladies watch out.

Chris Long:This is Longy’s first season wearing the crest for Marjon. A great player that shows a very consistent level of performance each time he plays. Longy loves to get forward, showing great enthusiasm to provide 

opportunities for our strikers with the gift of a pin point left foot. He has been a fantastic asset to this year’s successes and I’m sure he will continue to progress and show these strengths in tonight’s encounter.

Chris Coombs, (Club Captain): Chris is a loyal squad member whos dedication over his three years at marjons has earnt him his first well deserved place in the squad today. Chris does strive to be like a certain Mark Halse but however seems to resemble an old student Ollie Deadman. 

A big win tonight could potentially rebuild his confidence after recently been pied off by a particular course here at marjons. Elite 21

www.marjonsu.co.ukMENS FOOTBALL

Chris Ibbison:You look at this kid and you think he should never be a football player…!! Ibby unfortunately portrays an image where he wouldn’t look out of place in a spaceship full of aliens. On several occasions being 

referred to as ‘ET’, however I feel that ‘ET’ himself has better positional sense than Ibby, as he is constantly relying on his centre back partnership to bail him out of trouble! His first year with the team, has scored a few crucial goals from set pieces, however his love heart celebrations are questioned at times??? 

Rich Greaves:A well deserved place in the squad tonight for Rich. It was hard to drag him away from running club tonight but we have managed it. He has mellowed over the years at the Jons going from running naked around 

campus to being whipped. A dedicated team player Greavesy will be sure to run the Uni ragged tonight.

Tues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

Josh Norrie:This is also Josh’s first season with the football club. He is a midfield work horse, who displays a great level of consistent passing that help create goal scoring opportunities. His persistence to fight for the ball in midfield inspires the 

people around him. However Josh’s ability to take banter is nonexistent. Often found to be crying on nights out shouting ‘Mummy’ isn’t uncommon to see for him. Having a hug and being reassured now and again wouldn’t go a miss….

Mike Lucas:After acceptance from the whole of the football club for the sin of being a former arch enemy from Plymouth University, Luco has proved his critics wrong with some very solid performances for the side. Luco shows a very positive attitude 

towards everything he does. A team player that wears his heart on his sleeve whenever he pulls on the jersey and his dedication towards training and matches has shone through to be a major highlight this season!!

Phillip Stokes aka library kid: Struggling to get Phil to play varsity this year after being put on suicide watch after not getting on his PGCE. But after looking in numerous coaching resource packs he has found inspiration to put on his boots 

one last time for the Jons but its only okay if Jaclyn gives him the all clear. Pre match bets are being placed on the number of Cryuff turns he makes tonight, however the only bet is that he will be a thorn in the Scum’s side this evening.

Liam Jones:Making his second appearance this year, Liam is a very energetic full back who loves to get forward from a deep position. For a smaller guy, he loves to put his foot in where you wouldn’t expect anyone else too. A great lad, who shows a very good 

commitment to training, which has a knock on effect to some outstanding performances this year. However Liam has trouble not knowing when to shut up. A very mouthy sort… this may get you in to trouble one day Liam!!

Ben Flatley:Ben is a very skillful and talented individual. He shows a great attitude towards the game and this reflects in his performance. Ben has a great left foot which provides constant threats to the oppositions defence. It’s a pity his dress sense doesn’t live up to 

his playing ability though. Unfortunately raiding your grand father’s wardrobe isn’t a cool look on a night out, as some jumpers he has been spotted in are somewhat ‘RASCAL’!  

David O Connor:Dave, aka ‘old balls’ is never short of a word or two to say when around the boys, even more so when he is under the influence of his best mate… drink!! Dave is a very experienced player, this experience is smelt before every match, as the amount of lubricant 

required to oil his old joints is phenomenal!! I’m surprised he has any left! A great player, with a fantastic work rate. Dave’s a great provider for assists and finishes towards the target.

www.upsu.comMENS FOOTBALLTues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

Benjamin D Deacon(Anti banter officer)The most serious man of the football squad, Ben is not afraid to express his opinion, however the College Chaplaincy have issued numerous complaints towards his language at training. Ben can normally be found at 

the canteen or in someone’s lunchbox. Ben has caused conflict in the camp over the years by snaking another players’ girlfriend as well as altering certain member’s wardrobes. Ben w ill sure to be emotional on the side and will be    more than happy to stand in if Luke becomes injured.

www.marjonsu.co.ukMENS FOOTBALLTues 29 March

Plymouth Parkway FC

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AR 2: DAVE HARDING

REFEREE: ADAM HOPKINS

MENS FOOTBALL OFFICIALS