tx citizen 5.8.14
TRANSCRIPT
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Who Was Ken Esel? | Fake News | Ask a Mexican | Colby's Jack Bauer Fixation
VOLUME THREEI S S U E 1905 .08 .14
VOLUME THREEI S S U E 1905 .08 .14
Prom Night
Royalty! page 10
Prom Night
Royalty! page 10
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table of contents
1st WordI f you’re going to threaten
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7Citizen
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Around & AboutSpace Oddity Prom Night!
13Carpe Canis/Carpe Cattus
I t ’s either your house or the bighouse for these furry orphans.
12The County ’sMost WantedLook Mommy! Daddy’s in the paper!
Ask a MexicanGustavo of fends in two languages.
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10
Fake NewsNews that isn’t true.Stop asking.4
Advice fromOpa Esel
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NOTICE TO CREDITORS. Notice is hereby given that original Letters of Independent Administration with Will Annexed for the Estate of Harold John Laubach, Deceased, were issued on October 15, 2013, in Cause No. 2012PCA0280, pending in the County Court at Law ofComal County, Texas, to: Robeii Wade Jacoby and Sandra Lee Strange and Kenneth Nickel. All persons having claims against this Estate which is currently being administered are required to present them to the undersigned within the time and in the manner prescribed by law. DATED the 28th day of April, 2014.
Frank B. Suhr, Attorney at Law, 473 S. Seguin Ave, Ste 100, New Braunfels, TX 78130
State Bar No.: 19466300, Tel: (830) 625-4345, Fax: (830) 606-4511, Attorney for Sandra Lee Strange
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“It makes no difference if I burn
my bridges behind me - I never
retreat.” Fiorello LaGuardia
The Inevitable: We’re Getting Sued (Maybe)You knew it had to happen sooner or later,
although I expected it would be in the form
of a defamation action by the City Attorney,
and not an out-of-thin air intellectual property
issue. But hey, a lawsuit’s a lawsuit, and
we’re not going to let the threat of one slide
past us without milking it dry. This column
doesn’t write itself.
Since our inception, we’ve run a faux
advice column with the title of Advice from
Uncle Esel, written from the perspective
of a lifetime resident of New Braunfels, a
German-American by the name of Ken Esel.
“Esel”, is, of course, German for “jackass”.
The “Ken” was a reference to Ken Valentine,
the recalled District Six City Councilman,
who always signs his emails “Love, K”.
Uncle Esel is a fictional character, as are his
wife and great-great grandfather, whom are
occasionally referenced. He’s not really your
uncle, either. Surprise.
The true identity of the author of the
column has been a closely guarded secret, as
Uncle Esel was generous with his criticisms of
the city’s ruling class, and watching those folks
go absolutely crazy trying to figure out who
was behind it was nothing short of gratifying. I
was even asked, during a deposition in a case
that had nothing to do with this publication, to
reveal Ken Esel’s identity. That odd demand
came from attorney Carter Casteel, mother of
current Mayoral Candidate Barron Casteel.
She thought perhaps I was Ken Esel. She also
thought she would beat me in court. She was
wrong on both counts. Oops.
Anyway, my only point here is that people
wanted to know who Ken Esel was. Both
fans and detractors were obsessed with the
identity of the writer. We capitalized on that
by mounting an “I am Ken Esel” campaign,
wherein dozens of locals claimed,
via social media, to be Ken Esel,
in a tongue-in-cheek move to
express collective pan-Esel
consciousness. That was fun.
The writer of the column
had no problem with other
people claiming to be Ken Esel, and
in fact, enjoyed it. He was amused with the
fuss, and was content to remain anonymous
and let me take the heat for what he wrote.
That was fine by me, but now he wants
credit, which is also fine with me, but which,
of course, means he can’t be anonymous
anymore. After all, a fictitious character
can’t sue anybody.
We thought about suing the writer
ourselves in order to make him stop using
the Ken Esel name on Facebook, but I’ve
been through these things before, and really,
ain’t nobody got time for that. So we’re
just going to apologize to former District
One City Councilman Richard Zapata for
using another writer to produce under Ken
Esel’s name, and we promise not to publish
anything under that name ever again, ever,
ever, ever, never. As for why we had to cut
ties with him, that info follows.
Mayor Pospisil with “Ken Esel”
Continued on page 5.
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The Public Has a Right to KnowBefore Voting in the County Runoff May 27…
Comal County Commissioner Candidate Dan Krueger has years of public service to examine in order to determine if he should be elected to County office.
Fiscal Oversight?“Based on what we have learned, it is clear that had the previous administration established and followed proper processes and procedures we would not find
ourselves where we are today.”CISD Superintendent Andrew Kim, March 3, 2014
For the 15 years that Krueger was on the Board, did he exercise appropriate fiscal oversight to make sure that these
kinds of things would not happen so that taxpayer money would be protected from fraud?
Paid Political Ad by John Birdwell III
CISD performed a $200,000 audit in the fall of 2013 and discovered that a contractor over-charged the school district for activities and misspending associated with the 2008 bond to the tune of $7+ million. In the agreement with the contractor, the present school board agreed to a $5.9 million settlement from the contractor, leaving $1.1 million unrefunded. They also agreed NOT to investigate the 2005 bond or prior financial dealings. Why? Even though Dan Krueger has not been on the school board since 2008, he was in attendance at the February 27, 2014 meeting, in which the “deal” was announced to the public.
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New Braunfels is a Texas institution and, like many institutions, there is fear and a constant fight over who controls the flow of various fluids. Here are some shocking local news stories that, for whatever reason, have been ignored by other area media:
No More Parking, EverIn a desperate attempt to further reduce tourism into New Braunfels, the City Council recently decided in a 5-2 vote to make all parking within the city limits by permit only.
While a number of businesses were naturally disturbed by the ordinance, the fiercest contention came from members of the public who will now have to purchase permits to park in their own driveways. Council remained steadfast in its decision, even during the onslaught of garbage and feral cats that were hurled at members throughout the meeting.
Defending her decision, Mayor Gale Pospisil said, “Something had to be done.” She didn’t elaborate.
When the mayor asked the City Attorney if Council could legally pass such a measure, Val Acevedo responded, “Hmm? What? Oh, yeah. Whatever.”
New Braunfels resident Smiley Stinkendekatzwerfer was, naturally irate. “They’re telling me I have to buy a permit to just park on my own property,” Stinkendekatzwerfer said. “Next thing you know, they’ll make us buy permits just to live here.”
Residents can pick up their permits at City Hall for $1,200 per vehicle. Tourists can still come to New Braunfels to enjoy its amenities and attractions, but they won’t be allowed to stop.
Their TownEmboldened by the parking permit decision, Council’s next ordinance demands that all residents purchase a permit to live or work in New Braunfels. However, only 15 pre-selected families would be allowed to purchase such permits. Those still in town without permits will be herded into the former Wurst Hall, which has been converted into a re-permitting camp.
Angry citizens at the Council meeting were collecting garbage and feral cats when armed guards were called in. The citizens were then marched to the Wurst Hall, as Councilmember Stephen Digges yelled, “Get out of our town!”
Those who escaped likely found their way into one of the burgeoning refugee camps set up outside of Seguin.
Before the 4-3 vote was taken, Mayor Pospisil asked City Attorney Acevedo if the measure passed legal scrutiny.
“I don’t see why not,” Acevedo said. “You’re the Mayor, you can do anything you want, my liege.”
Mayoral candidate Barron Casteel said Council did the right thing. “Something needed to be done about this people problem,” he said. Casteel promised that if elected, he would be “elitist and tiresome.”
Greg Gallagher, Casteel’s opponent, questioned the ethics and legality of the ordinance. He has not been seen since.
The ordinance does allow permit exclusions for a variety of gardeners, maids, cooks, nannies and indentured servants.
In an editorial, the New Braunfels daily newspaper praised the City’s “balanced approach.” The opinion piece went on to say that the newspaper’s employees were “looking forward to new opportunities now that we are no longer allowed to live here.”
Kathleen Krueger ReturnsMuch ado was made about how much trash would be in our rivers after a judge ruled against the City’s disposable container ban. However, little attention seemed to be given to the story of several City employees caught pouring bags of already collected cans back into the rivers. The act was evidently an attempt to falsely prove that river trash had dramatically increased since the ruling.
Among the litterbugs was former Mayor Pro-Tem Kathleen Krueger. Krueger was spotted by officers upturning several garbage bags of cans into the Comal.
“She was wild-eyed and cackling,” said one officer who wanted to remain anonymous. “I’ve come across some spooky people in my time, but she scared me.
“And, she’s freakishly strong,” the officer added.
When asked about the incident, Krueger blatantly denied the accusations. “We were only trying to do our civic duty and clean the river,” she said. “You know, we found enough cans to stretch to the moon and back.”
When the fact was mentioned that there is video of her actually dumping cans into the river, Krueger responded, “All the way to the moon and back.”
Any legal actions against Krueger are unlikely, since she will be one of only 300 people permitted to live in New Braunfels.
Tony Bell makes things up for the TX Citizen.
FAKE NEWSWith Tony Bell
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Continued from page 3.
Issue One: Mark McGonigal & Matthew FieldsFormer District One Councilman Richard Zapata
now works for Mark McGonigal and with
Matthew Fields, both of whom have been under
investigation for various crimes, one completely
without merit (McGonigal’s name change), and
others that the jury, so to speak, is still out on.
Having worked for McGonigal and
Fields, (when McGonigal owned the now
out-of-print NB Citizen), I can tell you this:
They both very much want to be thought of
as sneaky geniuses who know the law inside
and out, and have a penchant for tall tales
about their exploits. In addition, McGonigal
wants people to think he is incredibly wealthy,
as well as dangerous to people “that deserve
it”. As of publication, I probably fall into that
group. Wish me luck.
Now that Zapata has threatened to use
McGonigal’s reportedly bottomless resources to
sue us over Ken Esel, we figure the gloves are
off and we might as well get this thing over with.
There are two things Zapata (and
every American, for that matter) should
understand, however:
1) You can’t hire my own lawyer to sue
me, and
2) You can’t file a trademark infringement
suit unless you actually have a trademark. Last
I checked, we have the pending trademark on
the character, and I’m sure as heck not going
to sue myself on your behalf.
Duh.
Issue Two: David MartinezA few weeks back, David Martinez began
a six-month prison term for Tampering with a
Government Record, after admitting to signing
the bottom of petition forms for which he did not
personally collect the signatures. (By signing
those forms, he swore otherwise.) He claimed
that notary Matthew Fields instructed him to
sign the petitions. We have since confirmed
with witnesses that that was indeed the case.
After it was discovered that Martinez
was being investigated, Fields claimed that
he went to the trouble of arranging and
recording a phone call with Martinez, wherein
he had Martinez tell him that he (Fields) didn’t
“force” Martinez to sign anything. Fields
then offered that recording to Texas Rangers
during their investigation, but, per the court
records, never provided it. That’s a heck of
a tap dance to go through, when a simple
“No” would have sufficed.
So now Martinez is in state prison,
which, according to HBO, is a horrible place
to be. We believe Fields could have aided
in his defense, but chose not to. When we
confronted Zapata with the fact that Fields
was possibly culpable in that crime and left
Martinez out to dry, he didn’t tell us that Fields
was not guilty of wrongdoing, only that the
statute of limitations had run out. A languid
defense, if ever there was one.
Kids, remember this. If you find yourself
making an excuse like the one above,
consider it an urgent signal to change your
social/familial circle. Don’t hang around with
people that need legal excuses. Unless you’re
a lawyer or a judge, “Statute of Limitations”
shouldn’t be part of your vernacular.
Issue Three: The FBILast year, I was contacted by the FBI to
discuss McGonigal, who is currently under
investigation for attempting to intimidate a
public official, that official being District Five
Councilman Bryan Miranda (this according to
Miranda’s statements to the media). I imagine
there might be other issues being investigated,
but that’s the one we know about. I have no
idea what case(s) my actual FBI interviews
were regarding. G-Men are all tight-lipped
and whatnot, which is why I can’t get a job
at the Bureau.
Kids, if the FBI ever calls you about a
friend, get rid of that friend. You don’t need
friends that are under investigation by the FBI,
and, frankly, you don’t need calls from the FBI.
If you work for somebody under investigation
by the FBI, I suggest you quit. On a positive
note, however, the Bureau’s HQ is pretty cool.
Plus you get nametag when you visit and all
the coffee/Pentothal you can drink.
There were questions about guns and
cash and all manner of things I saw while in
McGonigal’s employ. There was a guy from
the IRS there too. We had a nice laugh about
how we found a gun hidden in a copier at the
old NB Media office. For the record, I don’t
trust people that hide guns in office equipment.
While it smacks of criminality, it’s reckless as
Hell. I don’t know if it was loaded. I do know
that my kid was in that office.
I told the FBI I wouldn’t say anything about
my conversations with them, but let’s face it,
they’re the FBI. I don’t think I’m going to screw
up their case. And besides, when something
bad happens to me, as I’m fairly positive it will
in the near future, I want them to know where
to look first. (Large field behind Icon Building
Systems in Seguin.)
In ConclusionWe apologize to former District One
Councilman Richard Zapata, pledge to never
publish anything under the name Ken Esel
again, and hope that these actions resolve the
issue to Mr Zapata’s satisfaction. If not, we’d
be pleased as Punch to keep bringing it up.
Mayor SightingAs regular readers know, I had the pleasure
of appearing in The Fantasticks for the last
couple weeks at the Seekatz Opera House.
Mayor Pospisil was good enough to stop by,
and by all accounts, was having a wonderful
time right up to the point where I hit the stage.
She left at intermission, which is a shame,
because had she stayed for the second act she
would have seen me done up like this:
There’s nothing unusual about the Mayor
leaving early, as she has a history of getting half
the story before taking action. We understand
she’s working on an ordinance banning me
from appearing in musical theater. (Analysis
courtesy of Jay Patrick.)
\m/
Mike Reynolds
Publisher/Editor-in-Chief
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Thu 5.8Adobe Verde
Jeremy Steding
6pm
Freiheit Country StoreOpen Mic
6pm
Iron Horse GrillJesse Stratton
7pm
Koozie’s IcehouseEric Middleton
w/ Isaac Pineda
6pm
Oma Gruene’s Secret GartenJam Night
6pm
Phoenix SaloonThe Leftovers
5pm
AJ’s Ale HouseRock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
9pm
Cheatham Street WarehouseDamn Quails
w/ Pardo & Reed
8pm
Gruene HallWalt Wilkins & the Mystiqueros
7pm
The Pour HausNick Lawrence
7pm
Fri 5.9Adobe Verde
Dry River Religion
6:30pm
Iron Horse GrillThe Suss
8pm
Oma Gruene’s Secret GartenMC & the Mystyx
6pm
Phoenix SaloonJade Marie Patek
5pm
James Pardo & the Underestimated
w/ Canvas People
9pm
Riley’s TavernJeff Vaughn & Friends
5pm
Andrea Marie
9pm
AJ’s Ale HouseRock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
9pm
Alpine Haus RestaurantOff the Grid Polka Band
6pm
Billy’s Ice HouseAnthony Terry, No Refund Band
8pm
Cheatham Street WarehouseCanvas People
w/ Blue Water Hwy
9pm
Gruene HallThe Georges
7:30pm
The Pour HausMothership Connection
8pm
River Road Ice HouseDale Watson
w/ Wes Nickson
8pm
Tavern in the GrueneShane Rogers Band
8pm
Vineyard at GrueneBennett & Hinze
7pm
Vino en VerdeMegan Ford
8:30pm
Sat 5.10Adobe Verde
Jonathan Garcia
6:30pm
Black Whale PubTBA
9pm
Iron Horse GrillBennett & Hines
9pm
Oma Gruene’s Secret GartenNB Blues Society Anniversary Party!
Phoenix SaloonMothership Connection
9pm
Riley’s TavernCornell Hurd
9pm
AJ’s Ale HouseRock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
9pm
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Cheatham Street WarehouseDoug Moreland Band
9pm
Gruene HallDanny Brooks
1pm
M Ward
w/ Mount Moriah
8pm, SOLD OUT
NB Farm to MarketRon Brietzke
9:30am
The Pour HausWhiskey Rodeo
9pm
River Road Ice HouseJarrod Birmingham
8pm
Tavern in the GrueneKyle Reed Band
9pm
Vineyard at GrueneJerry Kirk
7pm
Vino en VerdeThe Floaters
9pm
Sun 5.11Adobe Verde
Jesse Stratton
6pm
Oma Gruene’s Secret GartenThe Jamie Krueger Group
2pm
Phoenix SaloonDaniel Thomas Phipps
2pm
True Audio Outland
7pm
Cheatham Street Warehouse2nd Annual Hill Country Formal
The Hill Country Gentlemen,
Shady Rest Band, Big City Folk,
Victor Holk & the Lookout
7pm
Geronimo VFW #8456Mother’s Day Dance
Sam Bentley Band
3pm
Gruene HallBret Graham
12:30pm
Susan Gibson
5:30pm
The Pour HausGroovehounds
6pm
River Road Ice HouseGuadapalooza
12pm
Vineyard at GrueneJackson Parten
3pm
Mon 5.12Riley’s Tavern
Songwriter Showcase
w/ John Whipple
8pm
Cheatham Street WarehouseGrant Ewing & Colin Colby
8pm
Gruene HallJamie Wilson
6pm
The Pour HausPaul Eldridge
7pm
Tavern in the GrueneCourt Nance Accident
8pm
Tues 5.13Watering Hole Saloon
TBA
8:30pm
Billy’s Ice HouseAustin Gilliam
8pm
Gruene HallJordan Minor, Adam Carroll & the Hems
7pm
The Pour HausOpen Mic w/ Jon Magill
8pm
River Road Ice HouseScott Morgan
6pm
Tavern in the GrueneRoots & Branches
7pm
The Blooms
9:30pm
Wed 5.14Buffalo Wings & Rings
Steven Roloff & Friends
7:30pm
Phoenix SaloonJesse Stratton
7:30pm
Riley’s TavernDillon Myers
9pm
Watering Hole SaloonTBA
8:30pm
Billy’s Ice HouseAaron Stephens
8pm
Gruene HallThe Georges
7pm
The Pour HausTony Taylor
7pm
River Road Ice HouseThe Motts
8pm
Tavern in the GrueneSlim Bawb & Tony Taylor
8pm
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JUNE 13 BBQ Cook-off
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JUNE 20Johnny Lee &
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$12 in advance, $15 at the door!Call 830.625.9400 for $25 VIP seating
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Fri 5.9
The Continental Club
Club Lineup:
The Blues Specialists, 3:30pm
Bobby Bare Jr
w/ Ramsay Midwood
10pm, $10
Gallery Lineup:
Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm
Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5
Floore’s Country Store
Granger Smith & Earl Dibbles Jr
w/ Gary Kyle
7pm, 18+ $12-$15
Luckenbach Dance Hall
Lewis & Martin
4pm
Rosie Flores
8pm
Red Eyed Fly
Swamp Bats
10pm, Inside
Dead Things Don’t Bleed,
Beard the Lion, Killing in Apathy,
Le Saboteure, Taking on Poseidon,
Beyond Fallen Shadows
8pm, Outside
Sam’s Burger Joint
Dan Gonzalez Band
8pm, $8
Stubb’s BBQ
Full Service
9pm, Inside
Sat 5.10
The Continental Club
Club Lineup:
Redd Volkaert, 3:30pm
Soul Track Mind
w/ KP & the Boom Boom
10pm
Gallery Lineup:
Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm
Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5
Floore’s Country Store
Wade Bowen
w/ Paul Thorn
8pm, 18+, $20-$25
Luckenbach Dance Hall
Charlie Shafter
1pm
Walt Wilkins & the Mystiqueros
9pm, $10
Red Eyed Fly
Torque Order, Snake Skin Prison,
Pilot, Inch of Dark
9pm, Outside
R & J Music Pavilion
Chris Salinas & the Wild Grass Band
9pm
Sam’s Burger Joint
Bob Schneider
8pm, $15-$70
Stubb’s BBQ
Fire in the Kitchen
w/ Stuckenburg, Ram Vela
9pm, Inside
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TriviaThursday Nights, 8pm
Old Ice House
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AROUND & ABOUT
Photos by Katie Gomez
Last Friday night, it was a David Bowie-inspired, Space Oddity Prom Night out at Oma Grueneʼs Secret Garten! Mayoral candidate Greg Gallagher was on hand to meet the revelers, and Steve and Renee Wilson of Element 29 were crowed King and Queen of the prom – check them out on the cover! The event was such a huge success that itʼs already on the schedule for next year. Grab your trench coats and skinny ties, itʼs looking like The Who might be providing next yearʼs theme!
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Enjoy Responsibly© 2014 Shock Top Brewing Co., Shock Top® Lemon Shandy Flavored Belgian-Style Wheat Beer, St. Louis, MO
Brand: Shock Top
Item #: PST201410573
Job/Order #: 262167
Trim: 5.06" x 11.31" Bleed: none Live: 4.81" x 11.06"
Closing Date: 4/25/14 QC: CS
Publication: TX Citizen
Dear Opa Esel:I have been keeping up with the
Forbidden Island issue, but I am still confused. Even though the residents of Booneville Avenue don’t have legal rights to it, why do they still act as if they do? What is really going on there?
Wondering Why Dear Wondering:You are quite right to be muddled. Because
the residents near the island seem desperate to maintain claims on something they do not, and cannot own, it naturally creates suspicion. I do sincerely believe that there is more here than meets the eye. While the rest of the TX Citizen staff has to work with verifiable facts, the Opa is not bound to such trivialities. Here are some of the rumors I have heard about town:
• They don’t want anyone to find the bodies. Whether these may be the remains of “mouthy” servants, wayward tourists or victims of ritual sacrifice is unknown. However, tread there at your own risk. The police may be least of your problems.
• It is the last known habitat of the Giant Fish Man of the Comal, a creature produced by years of inbreeding among Booneville Avenue residents. While some say the Fish Man is nothing more than local lore, I well know there are stranger things this universe holds.
• The residents only wish to protect us from the Communist menace.
• The island is where the Booneville Avenue residents go to be naked and whatnot, and they don’t want some lumbering lesser resident or tourist to disturb their Bacchanalian frenzy.
• Eva Braun had a cottage there.• It is where not-so-famous river pirate
Plucky Bo buried his treasure horde of empty laudanum bottles and pornography.
Personally, I tend to favor the Fish Man theory.
Love, K Dear Opa Esel:Are you real? Just Wondering Dear Wondering:No.Love, K
Dear Opa Esel:I am ethically tortured by the
seeming contradictory moral lesson of the Abraham and Isaac story. Could you please help?
Befuddled and Heavy With Woe Dear Befuddled:Yeah, I get this one a lot. Norwegian existentialist Soren
Kierkegaard took on the Abraham and Isaac dilemma in his work “Fear and Trembling” and answered it with what he called the Teleological Suspension of the Ethical. What this means, basically, is that morals are God’s rules for man and we cannot, in turn, impose such ethical standards to God’s behavior. Whether God intended Abraham to kill Isaac is beside the point and irrelevant, according to Kierkegaard, who quipped that if your pastor relates that point, “you should put your feet up on the pew in front of you and go to sleep because he is not telling you anything about faith.”
The point that Kierkegaard was trying to make, I think, is that the believer should have faith that God’s decisions are right and are only fully understood by God, part of what he referred to as the “leap of faith.” To apply the same moral standards to God that God set down for us is improper and backwards.
This is kind of like how you can tell your dog to stop humping people’s legs, but your dog can’t tell you to stop doing the same.
I hope this helps.Love, K To Warm Hearted Lover, who wrote
a secret letter:I think you got some wrong information
somewhere. You should use whipped cream, not mayonnaise. No wonder your partners are screaming. I’ve had nightmares since reading your letter.
Love, K
Karl Esel is a lifetime resident of our fair city, and is well known for his sage advice on a wide range of topics. If you find yourself perplexed with no one to turn to, send your question to Opa Esel at: [email protected]. Be sure to write “Question for Opa Esel” in the subject line of your email.
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MOST WANTED
$200REWARD
COMAL COUNTY ’S
MEDELLIN, JESSE RODRIGUEZMale • 5’07” • 200 lbsDOB: 01/01/1976CHARGE: Possession of a controlled substance pg 1 under 1 gram and theft of property under $1500 with 2 or more previous convictions
CLOUGH,RONNIE DEANMale • 5’06” • 182 lbsDOB: 12/31/1960CHARGE: Two charges - Failure to appear for aggravated assault with deadly weapon and two charges bail jumping/ fail to appear felony
FLORES,JOE MARIAMale • 5’10” • 163 lbsDOB: 01/28/1975CHARGE: Motion to revoke probation for possession of controlled substance CT I
GUERRA,ROYMale • 5’11” • 170 lbsDOB: 09/12/1958CHARGE: Driving while intoxicated 3rd or more
BENITEZ,ARTUROMale • 5’10” • 200 lbsDOB: 11/18/1955CHARGE: Evading arrest, Detention with vehicle
JENNINGS,ROBERT MICHAEL
Male • 6’00” • 160 lbsDOB: 10/02/1953
CHARGE: Aggravated assault w/ deadly
weapon CT II
JOHNSON,JOSEPH III
Male • 5’09” • 180 lbsDOB: 08/10/1984
CHARGE: Burglary habitation CT I and
deadly conduct discharge firearm CT II
SALLEE, MICHAEL DENNIS
Male • 6’01” • 165 lbsDOB: 12/05/1977
CHARGE: Failure to appear for possession
controlled substance
FLORES, STEVEN ANTHONY
Male • 5’10” • 160 lbsDOB: 01/15/1986
CHARGE: Delivery of marijuana
PALESTRANT,ERNEST JR
Male • 5’08” • 180 lbsDOB: 12/12/1984
CHARGE: Failure to appear for possession
controlled substance
The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act. This is a true and accurate account as of Monday, May 05, 2014 at 10:55 am and may not be current by the time it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Comal County Sheriff’s Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.
FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL COUNTY’S MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous. 830.620.3400 - 24-Hour830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm
CRAWFORD,THOMAS DANIELMale • 5’90” • 140 lbsDOB: 08/20/1993CHARGE: Theft property over $1500 under $20k Elderly
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By Gustavo Arellano
Dear Mexican: I’m a pocha and my
husband is a gabacho (by the way, we
loved your explanation in your book
on why Mexicans and Irish get along so
well—it really explained a lot about our
marriage). We had the rehearsal dinner
for our wedding catered by one of our
favorite Mexican restaurants.
Two guests from Santa Fe thought
our choice of caterer was hysterical
because the restaurant is called
Sancho’s. They explained to us that
in Santa Fe, a sancho is a “back door
man.” I had never heard this before.
Is sancho a term just in Santa Fe,
or among all Mexicans (except for,
apparently, me)?
Don’t Need No Sanchos
Dear Pocha: Sancho as a euphemism
for anal? That’s a new one for me—and I
know all the pervert sexual euphemisms out
there, from the infamous Dirty Sanchez to
even the Angry Dragon. I’m more familiar
with sancho as Mexican Spanish slang for
the other man in a relationship—in other
words, the man that a husband or boyfriend
knows his mujer is cheating with when said
husband or boyfriend isn’t around (the
female equivalent is sancha).
The palabra comes from a Mexican
Spanish farming term for a “male animal
raised by a female animal that isn’t its
mother,” according to the definition offered
by the Real Academia Española (RAE), the
world’s much-fabled custodians of Cervantes
(they’ve yet, for instance, recognized the term
chúntaro to describe country bumpkins).
It’s a perfect description of a cheater:
after all, the woman is taking care of someone
that’s not theirs. The mystery for the Mexican,
though, is why sancho—which is also a
proper name ala Sancho Panza—took on
such a strange meaning. The RAE only says it
comes from sanch, which they say is the call
used to round up pigs. The Mexican thinks the
researcher who wrote that etymology had his
sancha underneath his desk when brushing
up THAT entry…
Dear Mexican: I’m a white middle-
class guy from a part of the country that
very obviously used to be Mexico—and
might again someday, if some people
there get their way. I don’t think it was
any accident that my forebears ended
up where they did—I’m proudly told we
have a long pattern of being less-white
white people. But that does not mean
that people in my family do not grow up
to wear American Eagle and name their
children things like Harper, Logan, and
Madison. They are also white in other
ways: stuck up! When I moved to Denver,
I called my second cousin to hang out. I
was very friendly with most of that side
and our dads grew up together in New
Mexico. Well, we did not hang out because
she thought I was calling up to date her.
Mexican, I am sad. Not sad that
my stuck-up cousin won’t hang out
with or date me, but that we went from
being so interesting to so sterile. I
understand white people who wish they
were ethnic, but I don’t know that I’m
qualified to get a tattoo of the Virgin.
Some white people shave half their
head and join other white people who
want to be more “real” or more “gutter”
or something, but I may not join them
because most of them are also named
Logan and Harper. What can a white
guy do to take a stand for decency and
hang on to whatever is left?
Dear Gabacho: Who says you’re not ethnic?
Trying to mack on your second cousin is a VERY
Mexican thing to do! Mexicans encourages
gabachos to be proud of their ethnic heritage,
whether you’re a mick, honky, limey, goombah,
squarehead, armo, ruski, or whatever chingada
slur is used against Croats. That’s different than
expressing general “white pride,” a term loaded
with supremacist overtones, undertones, and
every tone except sense.
Ask the Mexican at [email protected], be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or ask him a video question at youtube.
com/askamexicano!
ASK A MEXICAN!
!
TXCITIZEN.COM 13
Charlie Vince
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TXCITIZEN.COM 15
Jack’s Back, BabyI write this as I wait for the premier of 24:
Live Another Day to begin. I expect that the
return of Jack Bauer will retain all of the
excitement and at least some of the ratings
from the past series. No doubt the world (or
at least America) will be threatened, and
only Jack Bauer will be able to save the day.
Explosions, mayhem, and if we’re lucky, a
little torture will follow.
I surprise myself a little with my affinity for
the 24 series. After all, I’m an anti-government
libertarian, and Jack Bauer is a representative
of that government power unleashed. He works
for a clandestine agency that makes no bones
about incredible overreach in surveillance
on American soil. In effect he represents the
government operating wholly outside of its
constitutional boundaries.
I really ought to hate the show, but I love
it all the same.
After careful consideration on the subject,
I’ve come to the conclusion that my love for the
show is based almost entirely its ability to drive
the left to apoplexy.
24, which began its run right after
the 9/11/2001 attacks, seems to typify
everything that was wrong with America at
that time from the left’s perspective. They deride
it as jingoistic, paranoid, warmongering.
It insinuated that America’s response to a
national tragedy should be the immediate
application of overwhelming force to our
enemies at home and abroad, as opposed
to careful introspection on the role we play in
anti-American sentiment.
The right saw 24 as jingoistic, paranoid,
warmongering, that insinuated that America’s
response to a national tragedy should be
the immediate application of overwhelming
force to our enemies at home and abroad,
as opposed to careful introspection on the
role we play in anti-American sentiment.
GO AMERICA! HELL YEAH!
In fairness, the left had a point about
how unbridled patriotism and aggressive
pursuit of America’s national interest to
the exclusion of all others’ could lead to
unchecked authoritarianism. The Patriot
Act and the war in Iraq turned out to be
gifts that kept on giving long beyond their
assumed expiration date. The American
government used the excuse of a real threat
of terrorism to erode personal liberties at
an astounding rate. The left knew that once
we had lost these liberties to a Constitution-
ignoring federal government we would
never get them back.
The left got the opportunity to prove this
when President Obama and his administration
came into office. This new power, now in
other hands, was quickly institutionalized.
Cries for a return to our pre-9/11 condition
tapered off to a murmur, continued only by
libertarian purists and black-clad, Dr. Marten-
equipped, lefty anarchists.
I have lamented many times in the past
that I, too, was so caught up in the moment
that I all but forgot that liberty lost is almost
never regained, and the only thing worse than
a right wing authoritarian government hell-
bent on pushing national interest-bordering-
on-imperialism is a left-wing authoritarian
government hell-bent on pushing the latest
flavor of Marxism. After all, right-wingers
hardly invented authoritarianism.
For me, irritating leftists is enough to
generate my support in most cases, but
there is something to like about 24 for
libertarians in general.
The writers of 24 have gone out of their
way to develop storylines where the only
enemies more dangerous than foreign agents
looking to kill us are maniacal elements from
within, generally within our own government.
It is a spy story after all, and the basic element
of any good spy story is that you can’t trust
anyone. That’s why every season has Jack
Bauer going “off-grid” more often than
an aging hippy in a canola-powered VW
microbus following a Grateful Dead cover
band to sell hemp soap.
And, Jack Bauer, himself, is a sort
of libertarian anti-hero. Every season he
shows that the individual really can make a
difference, particularly if he’s willing to adopt
an anarchic view on legal matters. Bauer is
a civil libertarian’s nightmare, but by refusing
to accept traditional constraints, he can define
his own morality that allows him to win in the
end. Bauer has his own rules, and he follows
them as stridently as any libertarian.
Last but not least is the thing that makes
Jack Bauer a pop-culture icon: he’s the
ultimate patriot. Jack Bauer loves his country
and that’s why the left hates him but fly-over
country loves him. All of Bauer’s actions are
predicated on that simple fact. The “bad
guy” in Bauer’s eyes is anyone who seeks to
hurt his country. Bauer places country over
family, self, and sometimes, when absolutely
necessary, over morality.
This patriotism touches most Americans
on a very visceral level, and rightly so. Bauer,
like most of us, recognizes that America is
an idea. It’s not a government. It’s not our
president. It’s not even our Constitution. It’s
more than all of that. It’s that “shining city
on the hill” that Reagan spoke of. A fragile
experiment in self governance that has led to
most of the good we have seen in the world
over the last two centuries.
This attitude isn’t an adherence to the
“my country right or wrong” that most on
the left find so reprehensible. Our country
can be wrong, it has been wrong, and it
will be wrong again, but correcting those
wrongs is also part of what America is. None
of us wants to stand by and watch as our
country travels down the wrong path, but no
individual wrong invalidates all that is right
with the idea of America.
That’s the type of patriotism that Jack
Bauer exhibits, and it’s the type of patriotism
that Americans respect.
Last WordWith Kelly Colby
You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug.blogspot.com.
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