two weeks - poems v2

8/13/2019 Two Weeks - Poems v2

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Two weeks Marjorie H Morgan (January 2014)

Two weeks

by

Marjorie H Morgan




For my muse, DebraK

and also for my child, Gabz

with much love always.

© Marjorie H Morgan 2014

Al l ri ghts reserved. No part of thi s book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electroni c ormechanical, i ncludi ng photocopying, recording, or by any inf ormation storage and retrieval system, without

permi ssion i n wri ting from the publi sher.

http://www.facebook.com/MarjorieHMorgan






1.

Like a blood transfusion

it becomes my own.

I carry it with me ...

everywhere.

It never sleeps

even when I do,

it’s a part of me now,

but

I never chose it...

I never would.

I accept it

only

because

it

reminds

me

of

the love of

you.

Grief.




2.

I n my own image

I am circled

by people, lights and shadows.

I absorb them all,

I hold them

deep.

I see them,

I really see them.

I don’t see

me.

I have no mirror.

I see

they see

the

face

of my heart

... without a mirror.

Without a mirror

how will I know

just what I look like?

Without a mirror

can I

recognize

who I am?




Without a mirror

do I learn

me

from the

inside

out?

Without my mirror

am I

blind

to

me?




3.

Swallow the past

Decades of trundling

with the past

packed tight

in my steamer trunk

gave me a bad back

and a heavy mind.

I remember a shadow always passing over me.

Even when I

whittled down the load

I still retained

over-stuffed heavy hand luggage

that warped my spine

and drained my heart.

I felt the shadow on my shoulder.

It was only after I walked away

from the barbed weights

of all my past

that I saw

the ancient solitary bird

at last

flying

off -

towards

the sun.




Finally clear

I see

the sunlight has swallowed

the shadows of the past.

Straightening my frame

I remembered that

one swallow doesn’t make a summer.




4.

I am a secret

that I want you to know.

Like Hansel and Gretel

I leave you crumbs

to find the way to my

intimate abode.

I appear cloaked -

but I gave you the key

to all my mysteries.

Self-disclosure

never came easily before.

My spread-eagled heart

now

offers

full disclosure

of

myself.

I will always be afraid

to be truly known,

but not by you.

I rebel against myself,

As I destroy my wall of self protection

to reveal

my vulnerability.

Afraid I stand,




yet still

I am a secret

that I want you to know.




5.

To live in peace,

I need to remember love like an elephant,

and forget hate like a goldfish.




6.

I am neither miner

nor Professor,

but I know that passion lives

in the deepest places.

It’s never dormant,

but may sometimes rest.

Precious metals pale in comparison.

I have seen that

transparency is passion’s

hallmark.

It can be never be duplicated.

It cannot be disguised.

Passion is the transfusion of the heart

into action.

It bites your soul

and never lets go.

Intricate intimate connections invisible to

the naked eye

ignite

and fan the flames of the unfathomable fire.

It has no edges, or corners,

no breadth or depth,

it just is.

Personal. Passionate.




Perfectly shaped for me.

All passion has clarity,

but no master,

it flows constantly ...

and will not be stopped.




7.

Advice falls freely like

autumn leaves

on a windy day.

Swirling options

dance through my mind,

still I hesitate.

I’m waiting.

Just waiting.

Time manipulates time

throwing me

between before, after and now.

Then,

in the moments

that I stand apart

from my problems

I find

s i l e n c e.

It envelops me,

immediately my brow sheds its furrows,

uncertainty is massaged away.

The only wisdom I need

comes from the sage that raised me ...

I hear my voice ask me,

“What would my mother say?”




8.

Erased

When we’re apart

your words and actions

remain

stitched across my heart.

The true depth

of our relationship

stays our

shared secret.

My memories of us

gather at every step

of my day as my mind revisits

country drives and

beach walks,

late night talks and

busy lives.

With butterfly wings

my thoughts

fly over hurtling trains

and deep, deep water to where

a serene smile and a ‘welcome home’ hug

said everything that was missing

and

soft lips joined

as hearts locked

together.




Picture it

where you are,

remember us.

I do.

Special times are never

erased.




9.

She is the simplest

most complicated woman

I have ever known

and never really known.

I sense her in the beauty of a rose,

I hear her in the r ise of a familiar song,

I read her between the covers of a book,

I see her in my own eyes.

Her voice is clear in dreams alone,

It will not stay with me past dawn.

But all the time

I feel her in my heart.

I'll always miss her.

She is my mother.

Happy Birthday, Mummy




10.

Without space

to think

I sometimes

forget

to remember

who I really am.




11.

Dreaming

Follow your dreams

so the saying goes,

live the life

you want

but

now I know things

I never dreamed of

like

Christmas without you,

birthdays remembered in silence.

A month not seeing your face

for me

is like trying

to breathe underwater.

It’s a nightmare.

I’d never dream

your absence

into my days

yet

here it is

constructing an uncomfortable reality

that nests around

my vacant soul.




Forgive me,

please,

as I dream new dreams

to fill the space

you

and I

held

in my heart.




12.

Shape-shifter

From my first cry

to my final sigh

I will be many things.

Some I choose,

others choose me.

Some things I see,

to others I am blind.

Like a cared for grape

I am shaped

by love

into a full-bodied wine.

Like a cotton sheet

I have been pressed

in all corners

until

steam swallowed my pain.

Like molten glass

I was shaped

by pressure

into the finest crystal.

Like window putty

I have been moulded

by purpose




to stand strong.

Like a glorious

phoenix

I hold on

to deep desires

to start again,

and again.

I am a shape-shifter

on a non-stop journey

from my first earthly breath

until it all ends.




13.

Surprises

It’s not just on birthdays

that

my tears and my heart

surprise me,

it’s anytime

when random acts of strength

parry against unexpected weakness.

Like when a familiar bee nuzzles my inner ear

and my mind jets to a deep hidden memory -

the dormant twin responses are instantly awake:

to flutter, to run or

fight to reign supreme?

Movement abandons me,

and like mist my breath evaporates

and what’s uncovered is never certain.

I never know

how long each battle will last,

like shifting sands

nothing seems secure

my heart twists and turns

to play the shadow in my theatre of emotions.

The curtain falls,

and in that moment

what lies behind is a mystery.




For when the heavens collaborate

against my controlled now

to celebrate my buried carefree then

that’s when

I am all undone.

Again.




14.

Where can I learn lessons in bravery?

Is there a teacher I need to know?

I instinctively sense I’ve succeeded before,

and just when I’m sure I can do it again

doubt slides before me in a fear laden lorry

that’s blocking my thinking as well as my way.

It hurts when I try too hard to remember,

amnesia knits my mind

like a fog,

but in a splinter of thought

I feel myself trying.

I dare to be

the child that I was.

Excitement shocks through me,

shedding my fear skin

I laughingly climb into myself -

I’ve escaped from my bondage to run brave and free,

I’m rushing to meet

the child that was me.

In a part of a moment I’m gone from the bowstring

just like an arrow - gliding and soaring

I am relaxed as I fly,

and when I glance back to the fear far behind me

I can see clearly

I’m also the archer

releasing me.



15.

I was but a child

when I first had a sense

of who

I was meant to be.

Sat scared

at the world’s busy ankles

grey heads tried to shatter my dreams.

Still, the fertile world inside me

refused to lay down and die,

its whispered words

kept repeating

“If you are them,

who am I?”

The child that was me

had the first sense

of who

I was meant to be.

I am

who I was,

I am

who I know me to be.

two weeks - poems v2

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