Please fill out a name tag and discuss with your

table: What are you hoping to

learn today? Write it on a sticky note and put it up

on the wall.

Think about the last time you experienced something stressful. • What was your response? • Are you an over-functioner or and

under-functioner? • Who are two people that you trust

who can help when you are under stress next time?

Assess the Internal StateAs a group, match up the statements with the brain state. It’s okay if you don’t know – we will go over the answers at the end!

Tools to Create Safety

•Perception• Identify triggers•Composure

Perception

Perception

Determine your triggers

Assumed intent:• You’re just doing this to annoy me. • You’re deliberately defying me. • You’re driving me crazy. • You’re intentionally tuning me out. • You’re just doing this to spite me, hurt

me, etc. Magnification:• I can’t stand this one minute longer. • You’ve gone too far this time. • You never listen, pay attention, etc. • You turn everything into a power struggle,

nightmare, etc. Labeling: • This is just plain manipulation.• You’re lazy, malicious, stubborn, disrespectful,

etc. • You don’t care about anyone but yourself.

Complete this worksheet to change your triggers.

Whomever you have placed in charge of your feelings, you have placed in charge of you.

Survival - Recap

RitualsEncouragementJobsEmpathyChoicesTribes

Combined Tools for Creating Connection

Rituals

Encouragement

Jobs

Empathy

Let’s do some emotional cardio!

Choices

Executive State = Open-ended questionsEmotional State = Two positive choicesSurvival State = Assertive commands

Tribes

Tribes helped humans survive the last ice age, build farming communities, and, later, cities. Birds flock, fish school, people “tribe.”

Emotional - Recap

Combined Tools for Problem-Solving

We change our intention from controlling our environment to coaching for success.

An Activity to Determine Intent

• A team does not close a single story as part of their sprint

• Code coverage goes down dramatically over the course of a sprint

• Someone is late to every team meeting

TattlingType Skill Needed Message Response

Intrusion: Someone feels victimized. “She didn’t invite me to that meeting!”

Assertiveness Powerlessness “I feel powerless to deal with this. Help me.”

“Did you like it?”

Revenge: Tribe member wants to get someone in trouble or uphold rules. “She is not getting her code peer reviewed!”

Helpfulness Revenge“I’m angry at ___ for not ___. I don’t know how to express myself directly.”

“Are you telling me to be helpful or hurtful?”

Safety:Someone sees someone getting hurt. “He has been really sad lately and I’m worried he might hurt himself or others.”

Trust in authority Safety“I don’t feel safe.”

“I will take care of it.”

Let’s review the answers from our Internal State matching game. Do we have any changes we want to make?

AnswersDid we answer all the questions that we had in

the beginning?

Thank

you!