Trading Pain For Pain

Last year, I had the unbelievable luck to get a kidney stone.  It was

awesome.

And by awesome, I mean something that made me pray for

sweet death.

I’d never had one before, and it felt nothing at all like I was expecting it

to.  I always thought it would be sort-of a “razor blades when you

pee” kind of thing.  Wasn’t the case at all.

And for those of you who have never had a kidney stone, you

always hear about how freaking horrible they are, now that I’ve had one I can honestly say that

the only reason people say they’re so freaking horrible, is because

they’refreaking horrible.

It feels like God is raping you in the back.

I don’t recommend them.  Unless you’re the kind of person who

enjoys

the experience of sitting in traffic, and suddenly being aware of a

sound way off in the distance of someone screaming bloody murder, only to look in the

rearview mirror and realize that the person screaming is you.

And just to add apocalypse to injury, my particular granule of satanic calcium decided it just didn’t quite want to pass into

the cold oblivion of the outside world.  So it embedded itself in

my ureter.

Which means they had to go get it.

I’ll spare you the horrifying details from this point on because

it seems I still seem

I still seem to think I have some semblance of dignity, but I will tell

you that when I came out of surgery and the doctor showed

me the demon spawn I’d just birthed by cesarean, I apparently flipped it off in my drugged haze.

Meeting with the urologist in a follow up later on, he gave me some suggestions to keep this

from happening again. 

One of his suggestions was to drink orange juice every morning. 

Evidently there are citrins (that’s the word he used) in OJ that keep the

calcium in the kidneys from collecting and forming stones.

That’s cool.  I like OJ.  Only one problem…

Citrus juice.  Ulcers.  Not a good combination.

Yes, orange juice makes me break out in canker sores like a 15 year old kid’s face the night before a prom.  So I’ve learned

in order to avoid extreme pain, I have to do something… that

causes extreme pain.

Awesome.

I still drink the OJ whenever I can – RAS sucks but kidney

stones are WAY worse – I just make sure to rinse afterward.

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