Toallofthewonderfulstudentswhohavesharedtheirstoriesandliveswithusandwhoseopennessandwillingengagementhavetaughtus

moreaboutlifedesignthanweevercouldhaveimagined.

Tomywife,Cynthia,whotoldmetotakethejobatStanford;Iloveyouandwouldn’tbethepersonIamwithoutyou.

–BillBurnett

Tomydearwife,Claudia,thetrueliteraryforceinourhouse,whorefusedtoletmenotwritethisbookandhastirelesslyremindedmewhy.Your

lovehasredeemedmeagainandagain.

–DaveEvans

Contents

Cover

TitlePage

Copyright

Dedication

Introduction:LifebyDesign

1.StartWhereYouAre

2.BuildingaCompass

3.Wayfinding

4.GettingUnstuck

5.DesignYourLives

6.Prototyping

7.HowNottoGetaJob

8.DesigningYourDreamJob

9.ChoosingHappiness

10.FailureImmunity

11.BuildingaTeam

Conclusion:AWell-DesignedLife

Introduction:LifebyDesign

Ellenlikedrocks.Shelikedcollectingthem,sortingthem,andcategorizingthemaccording to size and shape, or type and color. After two years at a prestigiousuniversity,thetimecameforEllentodeclarehermajor.Shehadnoideawhatshewantedtodowithherlifeorwhoshewantedtobewhenshegrewup,butitwastime to choose.Geology seemed like thebestdecision at the time.After all, shereally,reallylikedrocks.

Ellen’smotherandfatherwereproudoftheirdaughter,thegeologymajor,afuturegeologist.WhenEllengraduated,shemovedbackhomewithherparents.Shebeganbabysittinganddogwalking tomakea littlemoney.Herparentswere confused.This is what she had done in high school. They had just paid for an expensivecollege education. When was their daughter going to turn magically into ageologist?Whenwas shegoing tobeginhercareer?This iswhat shehadstudiedfor.Thisiswhatshewassupposedtodo.

Thethingis—Ellenhadrealizedshedidn’twanttobeageologist.Shewasn’tallthatinterestedinspendinghertimestudyingtheearth’sprocesses,ormaterials,orhistory. She wasn’t interested in fieldwork, or in working for a natural-resourcecompany or an environmental agency. She didn’t like mapping or generatingreports.Shehadchosengeologybydefault,becauseshehadlikedrocks,andnowEllen,diplomainhand,frustratedparentsinherear,hadabsolutelynoideahowtogetajobandwhatsheshoulddowiththerestofherlife.

Ifitwastrue,aseveryonehadtoldher,thathercollegeyearswerethebestfouryearsofherlife,Ellenhadnowheretogobutdown.Shedidnotrealizethatshewashardlyaloneinnotwantingtoworkinthefieldinwhichshehadmajored.Infact, in the United States, only 27 percent of college grads end up in a careerrelatedtotheirmajors.Theideathatwhatyoumajoriniswhatyouwilldofortherestofyourlife,andthatcollegerepresentsthebestyearsofyourlife(beforealifeof hard work and boredom), are two of what we call dysfunctional beliefs—themythsthatpreventsomanypeoplefromdesigningthelifetheywant.

DysfunctionalBelief:Yourdegreedeterminesyourcareer.Reframe:Three-quartersofallcollegegradsdon’tendupworkinginacareerrelatedtotheirmajors.

Byhermid-thirties,Janinewasreallystartingtoreapthebenefitsofdecadesofdedication.She’d jumpedon the fast trackearlyandhadmanaged to stay there.Shewasagraduateofatopcollegeandatoplawschool,hadjoinedafirmthatdidimportantandinfluentialwork,andwasonherwaytoreally“makingit.”College,law school,marriage, career—everything inher lifehad turnedout exactly as shehad planned, and her willpower and hard work had given her everything shewanted.Shewasthepictureofsuccessandachievement.

ButJaninehadasecret.Somenights,afterdrivinghomefromthe lawfirmthatboreoneof themost

recognizablenamesinSiliconValley,shewouldsitoutonthedeckasthelightsofthe valley came on, and cry. She had everything she thought she should have,everything that she thought she wanted, but she was profoundly unhappy. Sheknewsheshouldbeecstaticwiththelifeshehadcreated,butshewasn’t.Notevenclose.

Janineimaginedthattherewassomethingwrongwithher.Whowakesupeverymorning the picture of success, and goes to bed every nightwith a knot in herstomach,feelingasifthere’ssomethingmissing,somethingthatgotlostalongtheway?Wheredoyou turnwhenyouhave everything andnothing all at the sametime?LikeEllen,Janineheldadysfunctionalbelief.Shebelievedthat ifsherodeall the merry-go-rounds and grabbed for all the brass rings she would findhappiness.Janineisalsonotalone.InAmerica,two-thirdsofworkersareunhappywiththeirjobs.And15percentactuallyhatetheirwork.

DysfunctionalBelief:Ifyouaresuccessful,youwillbehappy.Reframe:Truehappinesscomesfromdesigningalifethatworksforyou.

Donaldhadmadehismoney.Hehadworked formore than thirty years at thesame job. His home was almost paid off. His children had all graduated fromcollege.His retirement funds had been carefully invested.Hehad a solid careerandasolidlife.Getup,gotowork,paythebills,gohome,gotobed.Wakeupthenextdayanddoitallagain.Lather.Rinse.Repeat.

ForyearsDonaldhadbeenaskingthesamequestionoverandover.Hecarriedthisquestionwithhim tocoffee shops, to thedinner table, to church, andeveninto his local bar, where a few fingers of Scotch would quiet the question. Butalwaysitwouldreturn.Forclosetoadecade,thequestionhadwokenhimupat2:00a.m.andstoodwithhiminfrontofthebathroommirror—“WhythehellamIdoingthis?”

Not once had the guy looking back at him in the mirror ever had a goodanswer.Donald’sdysfunctionalbeliefwasrelatedtoJanine’s,buthe’dheldontoitfor much longer—a life of responsible and successful work should make himhappy.Itshouldbeenough?ButDonaldhadanotherdysfunctionalbelief:thathecouldn’t stopdoingwhathe’d alwaysdone. If only the guy in themirror couldhavetoldhimthathewasnotalone,andhedidnothavetodowhathehadalwaysdone. In the United States alone, more than thirty-one million people betweenagesforty-fourandseventywantwhatisoftencalledan“encore”career—workthatcombinespersonalmeaning,continuedincome,andsocialimpact.Someofthosethirty-onemillionhavefoundtheirencorecareers,andmanyothershavenoideawheretobegin,andfearit’stoolateinlifetomakeabigchange.

DysfunctionalBelief:It’stoolate.Reframe:It’snevertoolatetodesignalifeyoulove.

Threepeople.Threebigproblems.

DesignersLoveProblems

Lookaroundyou.Lookatyourofficeorhome,thechairyouaresittingon, the

tablet or smartphone you may be holding. Everything that surrounds us wasdesignedby someone.Andeverydesign startedwithaproblem.Theproblemofnot being able to listen to a lot ofmusicwithout carrying around a suitcase ofCDsisthereasonwhyyoucanlistentothreethousandsongsonaone-inchsquareobject clipped toyour shirt. It’sonlybecauseof aproblem that yourphone fitsperfectlyinthepalmofyourhand,orthatyourlaptopgetsfivehoursofbatterylife,orthatyouralarmclockplaysthesoundofchirpingbirds.Now,theannoyingsoundofanalarmclockmaynotseemlikeabigprobleminthegrandschemeofthings,butitwasproblemenoughforthosewhodidn’twanttostarteachdaywiththeharshbeepingof a typical alarm clock. Problems arewhy youhave runningwaterand insulation inyourhome.Plumbingwascreatedbecauseofaproblem.Toothbrushes were invented because of a problem. Chairs were created becausesomeone,somewhere,wantedtosolveabigproblem:sittingonrockscausessorebottoms.

There’s a difference between design problems and engineering problems. Webothhave engineeringdegrees, and engineering is a good approach to solving aproblemwhenyoucangetagreatdealofdataandyou’re sure there isonebestsolution.Billworkedon theproblemof engineering thehingesonApple’s firstlaptops,andthesolutionheandhisteamcameupwithmadethoselaptopssomeof themost reliable on themarket. The solution requiredmanyprototypes andlots and lots of testing, similar to the design process, but the goal of creatinghingesthatwouldlastfiveyears(oropeningandclosingtenthousandtimes)wasfixed,andhisteamtestedmanydifferentmechanicalsolutionsuntiltheymettheirgoal.Oncethisgoalwasmet,thesolutioncouldbereproducedmillionsoftimes.Itwasagoodengineeringproblem.

Comparethiswiththeproblemofdesigningthefirstlaptopthathada“built-inmouse.”BecauseApple’scomputersreliedonthemousetodoalmosteverything,building a laptop that required you to be wired up to a regular mouse wasunacceptable. This was a design problem. There was no precedent to designtoward,therewasnofixedorpredeterminedoutcome;therewereplentyof ideasfloating around the lab, and a number of different designs were tested, butnothingwasworking.ThenalongcameanengineernamedJonKrakower.Jonhadbeen tinkering around with miniaturized trackballs, and had the crazy idea topushthekeyboardtothebackoftheunit,leavingjustenoughroomtosqueezeinthistinypointingdevice.Thisturnedouttobethebigbreakthrougheveryonehadbeen looking for, andhasbeenpartof the signature lookofApple laptops eversince.1

Aesthetics, or the way things look, is another obvious example of a problemwithnoonerightsolutionthatdesignersworkon.Forinstance,therearealotofhigh-performancesportscarsintheworld,andtheyallevokeasenseofspeed,butaPorschedoesn’tlookanythinglikeaFerrari.Bothareexpertlyengineered,bothcontainalmostidenticalparts,buteachhasacompletelydifferentaestheticappeal.Thedesignersateachcompanytakeexquisitecarewitheverycurveandline,everyheadlightandgrille,buttheymakeverydifferentdecisions.Eachcompanyworksin its own way—a Ferrari has an unmistakably passionate Italian look, and aPorscheafast,exactingGermansensibility.Designersstudyaestheticsforyearsinordertomaketheseindustrialproductstheequivalentofmovingsculpture.That’swhy, in someways,aesthetics is theultimatedesignproblem.Aesthetics involveshuman emotion—andwe’ve discovered that when emotions are involved, designthinkinghasprovedtobethebestproblem-solvingtool.

Whenwewerefacedwiththeproblemofhelpingourstudentsleavecollegeandentertheworldasproductiveandhappypeople—tofigureoutjustwhatthehelltodowiththelifeinfrontofthem—weknewdesignthinkingwouldbethebestwaytosolve thisparticularproblem.Designingyour lifedoesn’t involveacleargoal,likecreatinghinges that last fiveyears,orbuildingagiantbridge thatwill safelyconnecttolandmasses;thoseareengineeringproblems,inwhichyoucangetharddataonyouroptionsandengineertheonebestsolution.

When you have a desired outcome (a truly portable laptop computer, a sexy-looking sports car, or a well-designed life) but no clear solution in sight, that’swhen you brainstorm, try crazy stuff, improvise, and keep “building your wayforward”untilyoucomeupwithsomethingthatworks.Youknowitwhenyouseeit,whether it’s the harmonious lines of a Ferrari or the ultra-portableMacBookAir.Agreatdesigncomestogetherinawaythatcan’tbesolvedwithequationsandspreadsheets and data analysis. It has a look and feel all of its own—a beautifulaestheticthatspeakstoyou.

Yourwell-designed life will have a look and a feel all of its own aswell, anddesignthinkingwillhelpyousolveyourownlifedesignproblems.Everythingthatmakes our daily living easier, more productive, more enjoyable, and morepleasurablewascreatedbecauseofaproblem,andbecausesomedesignerorteamofdesignerssomewhereoutthereintheworldsoughttosolvethatproblem.Thespaceswelivein,workin,andplayinwerealldesignedtomakeourlife,work,andplay better. No matter where we look in our external world, we can see whathappenswhendesignerstackleproblems.

Wecanseethebenefitsofdesignthinking.Andyou’regoingtoseethebenefitsofdesignthinkinginyourownlife.Design

doesn’t justwork for creating cool stuff like computers andFerraris; itworks increatingacoollife.Youcanusedesignthinkingtocreatealifethatismeaningful,joyful,andfulfilling.Itdoesn’tmatterwhoyouareorwere,whatyoudoordidfora living, how young or how old you are—you can use the same thinking thatcreatedthemostamazingtechnology,products,andspaces todesignyourcareerand your life. A well-designed life is a life that is generative—it is constantly creative,productive,changing,evolving,andthereisalwaysthepossibilityofsurprise.Yougetoutofitmorethanyouputin.Thereisalotmorethan“lather,rinse,repeat”inawell-designedlife.

HowDoWeKnow?

Itallstartedwithalunch.Actually,itallstartedwhenwewerebothundergradsatStanfordUniversityin

the1970s(DavealittleearlierinthedecadethanBill).Billdiscoveredtheproduct-designmajorandanexcitingcareertrajectorytogowithit.Asachild,heusedtodrawcarsandairplaneswhilesittingunderhisgrandmother’ssewingmachine,andwhenhemajoredinproductdesign,itwasbecausehehaddiscovered(muchtohissurprise)thattherewerepeopleintheworldwhodidthiskindofthingeveryday,andtheywerecalleddesigners.AstheexecutivedirectoroftheDesignProgramatStanford,Bill isstilldrawingandbuildingthings(he’scomeoutfromunderthesewingmachine), directing the undergraduate and graduate programs in design,and teaching at the d.school (The Hasso Plattner Institute of Design—amultidisciplinaryhubofinnovationatStanfordwherealltheclassesarebasedonthe design thinking process). Bill has also worked in start-ups and Fortune 100companies,includingsevenyearsatApple,designingaward-winninglaptops(andthose hinges) and a number of years in the toy industry, designing Star Warsactionfigures.

Billknowshowluckyhewastohavediscoveredproductdesignandajoyfulandfulfillingcareerpathsoearly.Inourteachingcareers,we’vebothcometoseehowrare that is, and just how often it doesn’t work that way for students, even atStanford.

UnlikeBill,whenDavewasanundergrad,hehadnoideawhathewasgoingtodo. He failed at being a biology major (more on that later) and graduated inmechanicalengineering—frankly,forlackofabetteridea.Duringcollege,heneverfoundgoodhelpwiththequestion“HowdoIfigureoutwhatIwanttodowithmylife?”Hemanagedtofigureitouteventually,“thehardway,”andhasenjoyedmorethanthirtyyearsinexecutiveleadershipandmanagementconsultinginhightechnology.Heproduct-managedthefirstmouseandearlylaser-printingprojectsatApple,wasaco-founderofElectronicArts,andhashelpedlotsofyoungstart-upfounders find their way. After a pretty rough start, his career developedwonderfully—buthealwaysknewthatithadbeenalotharderthanitneededtobe.

Even thoughwe both went off to start careers and families, we continued tokeepahandinworkingwithstudents.BillwasatStanford,wherehewatchedashundredsof students came throughhisofficehours and struggledwith figuringout life after graduation. Dave was teaching at UC Berkeley, where he haddeveloped a course called How to Find Your Vocation (aka: Is Your CallingCalling?),whichhe taught fourteen timesovereightyears.Still,he longed todomoreatStanford.Along theway,heandBillhad intersected timeandagain, inbusinessandpersonally.DavehadheardthatBillhadjustacceptedthepositionofexecutivedirectoroftheStanfordPrograminDesign,aprogramDaveknewwell.Itoccurred toDave that themultidisciplinarydemandsofbeingadesignerwerelikely to put design students under anunusually heavy burden: trying to find away to conceive a personallymeaningful and authentic, aswell as commerciallyviable,careervision.HedecidedtocallupBillandhavelunchandsharesomeofhisideas—justtoseewhatmighthappen.Ifitwentwell,maybethey’dhavemorelunchesonthetopic,andinperhapsayearorsosomethingmightcomeofit.

Andthat’swhyitallbeganatlunch.Fiveminutesintothatlunch,itwasadonedeal.Wedecidedweweregoingto

partnertobringanewcoursetoStanford,toapplydesignthinkingtodesigninglifeaftercollege—firsttodesignstudentsand,ifthatwentwell,thentoallstudents.

ThatcoursehasgoneontobecomeoneofthemostpopularelectiveclassesatStanford.

When asked what we do at Stanford, we will sometimes respond with ourcarefully crafted elevator reply: “We teach courses at Stanford that help anystudent to apply the innovation principles of design thinking to the wickedproblemofdesigningyourlifeatandafteruniversity.”And,ofcourse,theythensay,“Great!What’sthatmean?”

Andweusuallysay,“Weteachhowtousedesigntofigureoutwhatyouwanttobewhen you growup.”At thatpoint almost everyone says, “Oh!Can I take theclass?!” For yearswe’vehad to sayno to that question, at least to everyonewhodidn’t happen to be one of the sixteen thousand students at Stanford. That isfinallynolongerthecase.We’vebeenofferingDesigningYourLifeworkshopstoeveryone(www.designingyour.life),andwe’vewrittenthisbooksothatyoudon’thavetogotoStanfordtohaveawell-designedlife.

But you do have to be willing to ask yourself some questions. Some hardquestions.

DesignersAlsoLoveQuestions

JustasDonaldfacedthemirroreverynightandaskedhimself,“WhythehellamIdoingthis?,”everyonestruggleswithsimilarquestionsaboutlife,aboutwork,andabouthisorhermeaningandpurposeintheworld.

• HowdoIfindajobthatIlikeormaybeevenlove?

• HowdoIbuildacareerthatwillmakemeagoodliving?

• HowdoIbalancemycareerwithmyfamily?

• HowcanImakeadifferenceintheworld?

• HowcanIbethin,sexy,andfabulouslyrich?

Wecanhelpyouanswerallthesequestions—exceptthelastone.Wehaveallbeenasked,“Whatdoyouwanttobewhenyougrowup?”Thisis

the fundamental question of life—whetherwe are fifteen or fifty.Designers lovequestions,butwhattheyreallyloveisreframingquestions.

Reframing is one of themost importantmind-sets of a designer.Many greatinnovationsgetstartedinareframe.Indesignthinkingwealwayssay,“Don’tstartwith the problem, start with the people, start with empathy.” Once we haveempathy for thepeoplewhowill beusingourproducts,wedefineourpointofview,brainstorm,andstartprototypingtodiscoverwhatwedon’tyetknowabouttheproblem.This typicallyresults inareframe, sometimesalsocalledapivot.Areframeiswhenwetakenewinformationabouttheproblem,restateourpointof

view, and start thinking and prototyping again. You start out thinking you aredesigning a product (a new coffee blend and new kind of coffee machine) andreframe when you realize you are actually redesigning the coffee experience(Starbucks).Or, in an attempt tomake an impact onpoverty, you stop lendingmoneytothewealthyclassinacountry(astheWorldBankdoes)andstartlendingmoney to people considered too poor to pay it back (micro-lending and theGrameenBank).OrtheteamatApplecomesupwiththeiPad,acompletereframeofwhattheportablecomputingexperienceisabout.

In life design,we reframe a lot. The biggest reframe is that your life can’t beperfectlyplanned,thatthere isn’t justonesolutiontoyourlife,andthatthat’sagoodthing.Therearemanydesignsforyourlife,allfilledwithhopeforthekindofcreativeandunfoldingrealitythatmakeslifeworthlivinginto.Yourlifeisnota thing, it’s an experience; the fun comes from designing and enjoying theexperience.

Thereframeforthequestion“Whatdoyouwanttobewhenyougrowup?”isthis: “Who or what do you want to grow into?” Life is all about growth andchange.It’snotstatic.It’snotaboutsomedestination.It’snotaboutansweringthequestiononceandforallandthenit’salldone.Nobodyreallyknowswhatheorshewants to be. Even thosewho checked a box for doctor, lawyer, or engineer.These are just vaguedirectionson a life path.There are somanyquestions thatpersistateverystepoftheway.Whatpeopleneedisaprocess—adesignprocess—forfiguringoutwhattheywant,whomtheywanttogrowinto,andhowtocreatealifetheylove.

WelcometoLifeDesign

Life design is the way forward. It’s what will help Ellenmove from her collegemajortoherfirstjob.It’swhatwillhelpJaninemovefromthelifesheshouldhaveintothelifeshewants.It’swhatwillhelpDonaldfindtheanswertothequestionsthatkeephimupatnight.Designersimaginethingsthatdon’tyetexist,andthentheybuild them,and then theworldchanges.Youcando this inyourown life.Youcanimagineacareerandalifethatdon’texist;youcanbuildthatfutureyou,andasaresultyourlifewillchange.Ifyourlifeisprettyperfectasis, lifedesigncan still help you make it an even better version of the life you currently loveliving.

Whenyouthinklikeadesigner,whenyouarewillingtoaskthequestions,whenyou realize that life is always about designing something that has never existedbefore, then your life can sparkle in away that you couldneverhave imagined.Thatis,ifyoulikesparkles.It’syourdesign,afterall.

WhatDoWeKnow?

In Stanford’s Design Program, we have taught more than a thousand studentsdesignthinkingandhowtodesigntheirlives.Andwe’llletyouinonasecret—noonehaseverfailedourclass.Infact,it’simpossibletoflunk.Wehavemorethansixtyyearsofcombinedteachingexperience,andwehavetaughtthisapproachtohigh school students, college students, graduate students,Ph.D. students, twenty-somethings,mid-careerexecutives,andretireeswantingan“encore”career.

Asteachers,wehavealwaysguaranteedourstudents“officehoursforlife.”Thismeansthatifyoutakeaclassfromuswearethereforyou,forever.Period.We’vehadstudentscomebacktousovertheyearssincethey’vegraduated,andthey’vetoldushowthe tools, ideas,andmind-sets thatwe teachhavemadeadifferenceforthem.We’requitehopeful—and,frankly,prettyconfident—thattheseideascanmakeadifferenceforyou,too.

But don’t take our word for it. Stanford is a very rigorous place. Thoughanecdotes are nice, they don’t count for much in academia. To speakauthoritatively,youneeddata.Ourclassisoneofthefewdesignthinkingclassesthat have been scientifically studied and have proved to make a difference forstudents on a number of important measures. Two doctoral students did theirdissertationsonthecourse,andwhattheyfoundwasprettyexciting.2Theyfoundthatthosewhotookourclasswerebetterabletoconceiveofandpursueacareerthey really wanted; they had fewer dysfunctional beliefs (those pesky ideas thatholdyoubackandthat justaren’t true)andanincreasedability togeneratenewideas for their life design (increasing their ideation capability). All of thesemeasureswere“statisticallysignificant,”which,innon-geek-speak,meansthattheideasandexerciseswelayoutinourcourseandaregoingtowalkyouthroughinthis bookhave beenproven effective; they canhelp you to figure outwhat youwantandshowyouhowtogetit.

Butlet’sbeperfectlyclearrightfromthestart.Scienceornoscience,thisisall

highlypersonalstuff.Wecangiveyousometools,someideas,someexercises,butwe can’t figure it all out for you.We can’t give you your insights, change yourperspective, andprovideyouwithnonstop“aha”moments, all in teneasy steps.Whatwe can tell you is that if youactuallyuse the tools anddo the lifedesignexercises, youwill generate the insights youneed tohave.Becausehere’s thebigtruth:therearemanyversionsofyou,andtheyareall“right.”Andlifedesignwillhelp you live into whatever version of you is now playing at the Cineplex.Remember,therearenowronganswers,andwe’renotgradingyou.Wewillsuggestyoudosomeexercisesinthisbook,buttherearenoanswersinthebacktotellyouhowyoudid.We’veaddedarecapoftheexercisesattheendofeachchapterthathasthem—aTryStuffbox—becausewesuggestthatyou,well,trystuff.That’swhatdesignersdo.We’renotmeasuringyouagainstanyone,andyoushouldn’tmeasureyourself against anyone, either.We’rehere to co-createwith you.Thinkofus aspartofyourownpersonaldesignteam.

Infact,wesuggestyougooutandgetadesignteamrightoffthebat—agroupofpeople who will read the book with you and do the exercises alongside you, acollaborative team inwhich you support one another in your pursuit of awell-designedlife.We’ll talkaboutthismorelater inthebook,andbyallmeansyoushouldfeelfreetoreaditonyourownfirst.Manypeoplethinkthatdesignersarelonegeniuses,workinginsolitudeandwaitingforaflashof inspirationtoshowthem the solution to their design problem.Nothing could be further from thetruth.Theremaybesomeproblems,suchasthedesignofastooloranewsetofchildren’s blocks, that are simple enough to be tackled by an individual, but intoday’s highly technical world, almost every problem requires a design team.Designthinkingtakesthisideaevenfurtherandsuggeststhatthebestresultscomefrom radical collaboration. Radical collaboration works on the principle thatpeoplewithverydifferentbackgroundswillbringtheiridiosyncratictechnicalandhumanexperiencestotheteam.Thisincreasesthechancethattheteamwillhaveempathyforthosewhowillusewhattheyaredesigning,andthatthecollisionofdifferentbackgroundswillgeneratetrulyuniquesolutions.

This is proved over and over again in d.school classes at Stanford, wheregraduate students create teams of business, law, engineering, education, andmedical students that comeupwithbreakthrough innovations all the time.Theglue that holds these teams together is design thinking, the human-centeredapproach to design that takes advantage of their different backgrounds to spurcollaboration and creativity. Typically, none of the students have any designbackgroundwhentheyenrollinourclasses,andalloftheteamsstruggleatfirstto

be productive. They have to learn themind-sets of a designer—especially radicalcollaborationandbeingmindfulofprocess.Butoncethathappens,theydiscoverthat their abilities as a team far exceed what any individual can do, and theircreative confidence explodes. Hundreds of successful student projects andinnovativecompanies,suchasD-RevandEmbrace,3havecomefromthisprocess,andareproofthatcollaborationisthewaydesigngetsdonetoday.

Sobeageniusatyourlifedesign;justdon’tthinkyouhavetobeoneofthoselonegeniuses.

ThinkLikeaDesigner

Before you can do life design, you need to learn to think like a designer.We’llexplainafewsimplewaystodothis,butfirstyouneedtounderstandonereallybig point: Designers don’t think their way forward. Designers build their wayforward.Whatdoesthatmean?Itmeansyouarenotjustgoingtobedreamingupalotoffunfantasiesthathavenorelationshiptotherealworld—ortherealyou.Youaregoingtobuildthings(wecallthemprototypes),trystuff,andhavealotoffunintheprocess.

Want a career change?Thisbookwillhelp youmake that change,butnotbysitting around trying to decidewhat that change is going to be.We’re going tohelp you think like a designer and build your future, prototype by prototype.We’regoingtohelpyouapproachyourownlifedesignchallengeswiththesamekindofcuriosityandthesamekindofcreativitythatresultedintheinventionoftheprintingpress,thelightbulb,andtheInternet.

Ourfocusismainlyonjobsandcareers,because,let’sfaceit,wespendmostofthe hours of our days, and the days of our lives, at work.Work can be a dailysourceofenormousjoyandmeaning,oritcanbeanendlessgrindandwasteofhoursspenttryingtowhite-knuckleourwaythroughthemiseryofitalluntiltheweekendcomes.Awell-designedlifeisnotalifeofdrudgery.Youweren’tputonthisearthtoworkeighthoursadayatajobyouhateuntilthetimecomestodie.

Thatmaysoundabitmelodramatic,butmanypeopletellusthatthisisagooddescriptionof their lives.Andeven thosewhoare luckyenoughto findacareertheyloveoftenfindthattheyarefrustratedandhaveahardtimedesigningalifethatisbalanced.It’stimetostartthinkingdifferently—abouteverything.

Design thinking involves certain simple mind-sets. This book will teach youthosemind-setsandhowtousethemtodolifedesign.

The five mind-sets you are going to learn in order to design your life arecuriosity,bias toaction, reframing,awareness,andradical collaboration.Theseareyourdesigntools,andwiththemyoucanbuildanything,includingalifeyoulove.

BeCurious.Curiositymakeseverythingnew.Itinvitesexploration.Itmakeseverythingplay.Mostofall,curiosityisgoingtohelpyou“getgoodatbeinglucky.”It’sthereasonsomepeopleseeopportunitieseverywhere.

TryStuff.Whenyouhaveabiastoaction,youarecommittedtobuildingyourwayforward.Thereisnosittingonthebenchjustthinkingaboutwhatyouaregoingtodo.Thereisonlygettinginthegame.Designerstrythings.Theytestthingsout.Theycreateprototypeafterprototype,failingoften,untiltheyfindwhatworksandwhatsolvestheproblem.Sometimestheyfindtheproblemisentirelydifferentfromwhattheyfirstthoughtitwas.Designersembracechange.Theyarenotattachedtoaparticularoutcome,becausetheyarealwaysfocusedonwhatwillhappennext—notwhatthefinalresultwillbe.

ReframeProblems.Reframingishowdesignersgetunstuck.Reframingalsomakes

surethatweareworkingontherightproblem.Lifedesigninvolveskeyreframesthatallowyoutostepback,examineyourbiases,andopenupnewsolutionspaces.Throughoutthebook,wewillbereframingdysfunctionalbeliefsthatpreventpeoplefromfindingthecareersandthelivestheywant.Reframingisessentialtofindingtherightproblemsandtherightsolutions.

KnowIt’saProcess.Weknowthatlifegetsmessy.Foreverystepforward,itcansometimesseemyouaremovingtwostepsback.Mistakeswillbemade,prototypesthrownaway.Animportantpartoftheprocessislettinggo—ofyourfirstideaandofagood-but-not-greatsolution.Andsometimesamazingdesignscanemergefromthemess.TheSlinkywasinventedthisway.Teflonwascreatedthisway.SuperGlue.Play-Doh.Noneofthesethingswouldexistifadesignersomewherehadn’tscrewedup.Whenyoulearntothinklikeadesigneryoulearntobeawareoftheprocess.Lifedesignisajourney;letgooftheendgoalandfocusontheprocessandseewhathappensnext.

AskforHelp.Thelastmind-setofdesignthinkingisperhapsthemostimportant,especiallywhenitcomestodesigningyourlife:radicalcollaboration.Whatthismeansissimple—youarenotalone.Thebestdesignersknowthatgreatdesignrequiresradicalcollaboration.Ittakesateam.Apaintercancreateanartisticmasterpiecealoneonawindsweptcoast,butadesignercannotcreatetheiPhonealone,windsweptbeachornot.Andyourlifeismorelikeagreatdesignthanaworkofart,soyoucannotcreateitalone,either.Youdonothavetocomeupwithabrilliantlifedesignbyyourself.Designisacollaborativeprocess,andmanyofthebestideasaregoingtocomefromotherpeople.Youjustneedtoask.And

knowtherightquestionstoask.Inthisbook,youwilllearnhowtousementorsandasupportivecommunitytohelpwithyourlifedesign.Whenyoureachouttotheworld,theworldreachesrightback.Andthischangeseverything.Inotherwords,lifedesign,likealldesign,isateamsport.

Anti-PassionIsOurPassion

Manypeopleoperateunderthedysfunctionalbeliefthattheyjustneedtofindoutwhattheyarepassionateabout.Oncetheyknowtheirpassion,everythingelsewillsomehowmagically fall into place.We hate this idea for one very good reason:mostpeopledon’tknowtheirpassion.

OurcolleagueWilliamDamon,directoroftheStanfordCenteronAdolescence,found that only one in five young people between twelve and twenty-six have aclearvisionofwhere theywant togo,what theywant toaccomplish in life,andwhy.4Ourexperiencesuggests,similarly,that80percentofpeopleofallagesdon’treallyknowwhattheyarepassionateabout.

Soconversationswithcareercounselorsoftengolikethis:

CareerCounselor:“Whatareyoupassionateabout?”JobSeeker:“Idon’tknow.”CareerCounselor:“Well,comebackwhenyoufigureitout.”

Some career counselors will give people tests to assess people’s interests orstrengths,ortosurveytheirskills,butanyonewhohastakensuchtestsknowsthattheconclusionsareoftenfarfromconclusive.Besides,findingoutthatyoucouldbeapilot,anengineer,oranelevatorrepairmanisn’tveryhelpfuloractionable.Sowe’renotverypassionate about findingyourpassion.Webelieve thatpeopleactuallyneedtotaketimetodevelopapassion.Andtheresearchshowsthat,formost people, passion comes after they try something, discover they like it, anddevelopmastery—notbefore.Toput itmoresuccinctly:passion is theresultofagoodlifedesign,notthecause.

Mostpeopledonothavethatonethingtheyarepassionateabout—thatsingular

motivatorthatdrivesalloftheirlifedecisionsandinfuseseverywakingmomentwith a senseofpurpose andmeaning. If you’ve found that studying thematinghabitsandevolutionofmollusksfromtheCambrianperioduntilthepresentdayisyourpurpose for living—we saluteyou.CharlesDarwin spent thirty-nineyearsstudyingearthworms;wesaluteCharlesDarwin.Whatwedon’tsaluteisamethodofapproachinglifedesignthatleavesout80percentofthepopulation.Intruth,mostpeoplearepassionateaboutmanydifferentthings,andtheonlywaytoknowwhat theywant todo is toprototypesomepotential lives, try themout,andseewhatreallyresonateswiththem.Weareseriousaboutthis:youdon’tneedtoknowyourpassioninordertodesignalifeyoulove.Onceyouknowhowtoprototypeyourway forward, you areon thepath todiscovering the things you truly love,passionornot.

AWell-DesignedLife

Awell-designedlifeisalifethatmakessense.It’salifeinwhichwhoyouare,whatyoubelieve,andwhatyoudoalllineuptogether.Whenyouhaveawell-designedlife and someone asks you, “How’s it going?,” youhave an answer. You can tellthat person that your life is goingwell, and you can tell how andwhy. Awell-designedlifeisamarvelousportfolioofexperiences,ofadventures,offailuresthattaughtyouimportantlessons,ofhardshipsthatmadeyoustrongerandhelpedyouknow yourself better, and of achievements and satisfactions. It’s worthemphasizing that failures and hardships are a part of every life, even the well-designedones.

We’regoingtohelpyoufigureoutwhatawell-designedlifelookslikeforyou.Ourstudentsandclientstellusit’sfun.Theyalsotellusthatit’sfullofsurprises.Wecanassureyouthatattimesitwilltakeyououtofyourcomfortzone.We’regoing toaskyou todo things thatmay feelcounterintuitive,orat thevery leastdifferentfromwhatyou’vebeentaughtinthepast.

Curiosity

Biastoaction

Reframing

Awareness

Radicalcollaboration

Whathappenswhen youdo these things?Whathappenswhen you engage inlife design? Actually, something quite extraordinary happens. Things you wantstarttoshowupinyourlife.Youstarttohearofjobopeningsyouweredreamingabout.Peopleyouwereinterestedinmeetingjusthappentobeintown.Whatishappening here? For starters, it’s that “getting good at being lucky” thing wementionedearlier,a resultofcuriosityandawareness,andaby-productofusingthefivemind-sets. Inaddition, theprocessofdiscoveringwhoyouareandwhatyouwanthas a rather extraordinary effecton your life.Therewill be effort andaction involved,nodoubt, but itwill seem, rather surprisingly, as if everyone isconspiringtohelpyou.And,bybeingawareoftheprocess,youwillhavealotoffunalongtheway.

—

Allthroughtheprocessoflifedesign,wewillberightherewithyou.Toguideyou.To challenge you. We’re going to give you the ideas and tools you need fordesigningyourwaythroughlife.We’regoingtohelpyoufindyournextjob.Yournextcareer.Yournextbigthing.We’regoingtohelpyoudesignyourlife.Alifethatyoulove.

1

StartWhereYouAre

There’s a sign over the design studio at Stanford that says You Are Here. Ourstudents love that sign.Youmight say it’s somewhatclarifying. Itdoesn’tmatterwhereyoucomefrom,whereyouthinkyouaregoing,whatjoborcareeryouhavehad or think you should have. You are not too late, and you’re not too early.Design thinking can help you build your way forward from wherever you are,regardlessofthelifedesignproblemyouarefacing.Butbeforeyoucanfigureoutwhich direction to head in, you need to know where you are and what designproblems you are trying to solve.Aswe’ve shown, designers love problems, andwhenyouthinklikeadesigner,youapproachproblemswithanentirelydifferentmind-set.Designers get juicedbywhat they callwickedproblems.They’re calledwicked not because they are evil or fundamentally bad, but because they areresistanttoresolution.Let’sfaceit,you’renotreadingthisbookbecauseyouhavealltheanswers,areinyourdreamjob,andhavealifeimbuedwithmoremeaningandpurposethanyoucanimagine.Somewhere,insomeareaofyourlife,youarestuck.

Youhaveawickedproblem.Andthat’sawonderfulandexcitingplacetostart.

ProblemFinding+ProblemSolving=Well-DesignedLife

Indesignthinking,weputasmuchemphasisonproblemfindingaswedoonproblemsolving.Afterall,what’sthepointofworkingonthewrongproblem?Weemphasize this because it’s actually not always so easy to understand what ourproblemsare.Sometimeswethinkweneedanewjoboranewboss,butoftenwedon’treallyknowwhat’sworkingandwhat’snotinourlives.Oftenweapproach

ourproblemsasiftheyareanadditionorsubtractionproblem.Weeitherwanttogetsomething(add)orgetridofsomething(subtract).Wewanttogetabetterjob,getmoremoney,getmoresuccess,getmorebalance,getridoftenpounds,getridofourunhappiness,get ridofourpain.Orwemight justhaveavaguesenseofdiscontent,orafeelingthatwewantsomethingdifferentorsomethingmore.

—

Usually,wedefineourproblembywhat’smissing,butnotalways.Andthebottomlineisthis:

You’vegotproblems.Yourfriendshaveproblems.We’veallgotproblems.Sometimesthoseproblemsrelatetoourjob,sometimestofamily,orhealth,or

love,ormoney,oranycombinationofthesethings.Sometimesourproblemscanfeelsooverwhelmingthatwedon’teventrytosolvethem.Wejustlivewiththem—likeanirritatingroommateweconstantlycomplainaboutbutnevergetaroundtoevicting.Ourproblemsbecomeourstory,andwecanallgetstuckinourstories.Decidingwhichproblemstoworkonmaybeoneofthemostimportantdecisionsyou make, because people can lose years (or a lifetime) working on the wrongproblem.

Davehadaproblemonce(okay,he’shadalotofproblems,andwouldsaythatthis whole book comes out of his astonishing ineptitude), but this particularproblemkepthimstuckforyears.

Dave started college at Stanford as a biologymajor, but he soon realized notonly that he hated biology but also that he was failing miserably. He hadgraduatedfromhighschoolbelievingthatitwashisdestinytobeafield-researchmarinebiologist.ThereweretwopeopleresponsibleforthisparticularversionofDave’sdestiny—JacquesCousteauandMrs.Strauss.

JacquesCousteauwas his childhoodhero.Davewatched every episode ofTheUnderseaWorld of Jacques Cousteau and secretly imaginedhe had been the one toinventtheAqua-LunginsteadofJacques.Davealsoreallylikedseals.Heendedupbelieving that the coolest thing in the world would be to get paid to play withseals.Davewas also curious aboutwhether seals had sex in thewater or on theland(onlywiththebirthofGooglemanyyearslaterdidhelearnthatmostspeciesmateonland).

HissecondmisguidedreasonforbecomingamarinebiologisthadtodowithMrs.Strauss,hishighschoolbiologyteacher.Davedidprettywellinallhishighschoolsubjects,buthelikedbiologythebest.Why?BecausehelikedMrs.Straussthe best. She made biology interesting; she was a great teacher. And Davemisperceived thathergood teachingcorrelated tohis stronger interest. IfhisPEteacherhadtaughtaswellasMrs.Strauss,Davemighthavebelievedthatitwashisdestiny to hang a whistle around his neck and be an advocate for mandatorydodgeballintheworkplace.

SotheunholyunionofJacquesCousteauandMrs.StrausscausedDavetoworkonthewrongproblemforovertwoyears.Theproblemhethoughthewassolvingwashow tobecome amarinebiologist, or,more specifically, how to inherit theCalypsofromCousteauwhenhedied.Davestartedcollegewiththefirmbeliefthathis futurewas inmarine biology; since Stanford didn’t offer amajor inmarinebiology,hedecidedtomajorinbiology.Hehatedit.Atthattime,biologyclassesconsistedmostlyofbiochemistryandmolecularbiology.Thepremedswerekillingitinclass.Davewasnot.Academically,hewasgettingcrushed,aswerehisdreamsofsomedaygettingpaidtofrolicwiththesealswhilespeakinginaFrenchaccent.

Hethendecidedthat,inordertofixhisproblemofhatingbiologyanddoinghorriblyinhisclasses,allheneededtodowassomerealscience:researchinabiolab would get him a step closer to researching the mating habits of seals. Hecrashed his way into doing bench research on RNA, which meant he basicallycleanedtesttubes.Itwascrushinglyboring,andhewasevenmoremiserable.

Quarterafterquarter,hisbioteachingassistantsandlabteachingassistantskeptaskinghimwhyhewasabiologymajor.DavewouldbegintotellthemaboutMrs.Strauss and Jacques Cousteau and the seals, but they would interrupt and say,“You’renogoodatbio.Youdon’tlikeit.Youaregrumpyandnastyallthetime.Youshouldquit.Youshoulddropthismajor.Theonlythingyouaregoodat isarguing;maybeyoushouldbealawyer.”

Despite the tsunamiofnegative feedback,Davepersisted,becausehehad thissetideainhismindofhisdestiny,andhekeptworkingawayatthe“problem”ofgettinghis grades up inbiology.Hewas so focusedon thewhat-he-had-in-mindproblem that he never looked at the real problem—he shouldn’t bemajoring inbiology,andhisideaofhisdestinyhadbeenmisguidedfromthebeginning.

Ithasbeenourexperience,inofficehourafterofficehour,thatpeoplewastealot of time working on the wrong problem. If they are lucky, they will failmiserably quickly and get forced by circumstance into working on better

problems. If they are unlucky and smart, they’ll succeed—we call it the successdisaster—andwakeuptenyearslaterwonderinghowthehelltheygottowherevertheyare,andwhytheyaresounhappy.

Dave’sfailureasamarinebiologistwassoprofoundthatheultimatelyhadtoadmitdefeatandchangehismajor.Ittookhimtwoandahalfyearstoaddressaproblem that was clear to everyone else after about two weeks. He eventuallytransferredtomechanicalengineering,wherehewasquitesuccessfulandhappy.

Someday,however,hestillhopestofrolicwithseals.

ABeginner’sMind

IfDavehad known to think like a designer fresh out of high school, hewouldhaveapproachedtheproblemofhiscollegemajorwithabeginner’smind.Insteadofassumingheknewalltheanswersbeforeheaskedthequestions,hewouldhavebeencurious.Hewouldhavewantedtoknowexactlywhatamarinebiologistdoes,andhewouldactuallyhaveaskedsomemarinebiologists.HewouldhavegonetotheHopkinsMarine Stationof Stanford (only about anhour and ahalf’s drivefromcampus),andaskedhowyougofromamajorinbiochemistrytoworkinginmarinebiology.Hewouldhavetriedstuff.Forinstance,hecouldhavespentsometimeontheopenseaanddiscoveredwhetheritwasasglamorousasitlookedontelevision.Hecouldhavevolunteeredonaresearchvessel,maybeevenspentsometimearoundsomereal-lifeseals.Instead,hebegancollegewithhismind(andhismajor)made up, and ended up learning the hardway thatmaybe his first ideawasn’thisbest.

Isn’tthattrueforallofus?Howoftendowefallinlovewithourfirstideaandthenrefusetoletitgo?Nomatterhowbadlyitturnsout.Moreimportant,dowereally think it is a good idea to letour earnestbutmisguided seventeen-year-oldselfdeterminewhereweworkfortherestofourlives?Andwhataboutnow?Howoftendowegowithourfirstideaandthinkweknowanswerstoquestionswe’veneverreallyinvestigated?Howoftendowecheckinwithourselvestoseeifwearereallyworkingontherightproblem?

“Ineedabetterjob”isnotthesolutiontotheproblemof“I’mnotthathappyworking, and I’d rather be homewithmy kids.” Beware of working on a reallygoodproblemthat’snotactuallytherightproblem,notactuallyyourproblem.You

don’tsolveamarriageproblemattheoffice,oraworkproblemwithanewdiet.Itseems obvious, but, likeDave, we can lose a lot of timeworking on the wrongproblem.

Wealsotendtogetmiredinwhatwecallgravityproblems.“I’vegotthisbigproblemandIdon’tknowwhattodoaboutit.”“Oh,wow,Jane,what’stheproblem?”“It’sgravity.”“Gravity?”“Yeah—it’smakingmecrazy!I’mfeelingheavierandheavier.Ican’tgetmybike

uphillseasily.Itneverleavesme.Idon’tknowwhattodoaboutit.Canyouhelpme?”

This example may sound silly, but we hear versions of this sort of “gravityproblem”allthetime.

“Poets just don’t make enough money in our culture. They’re not respectedenough.WhatdoIdoaboutit?”

“ThecompanyIworkforhasbeenfamily-ownedforfivegenerations.Thereisnowaythat,asanoutsider,I’mevergoingtobeanexecutive.WhatdoIdoaboutit?”

“I’vebeenoutofworkforfiveyears.It’sgoingtobemuchharderformetogetajobandthat’snotfair.WhatdoIdoaboutit?”

“Iwanttogobacktoschoolandbecomeadoctor,butitwilltakemeatleasttenyears,andIdon’twanttoinvestthatmuchtimeatthisstageofmylife.WhatdoIdoaboutit?”

These are all gravity problems—meaning they are not real problems. Why?Becauseinlifedesign,ifit’snotactionable,it’snotaproblem.Let’srepeatthat.Ifit’snotactionable,it’snotaproblem.It’sasituation,acircumstance,afactoflife.Itmay be a drag (so to speak), but, like gravity, it’s not a problem that can besolved.

Here’s a little tidbit that is going to save you a lot of time—months, years,decadeseven.Ithastodowithreality.Peoplefightreality.Theyfightittoothandnail, with everything they’ve got.And anytime you are arguing or fightingwithreality,realitywillwin.Youcan’toutsmartit.Youcan’ttrickit.Youcan’tbendittoyourwill.

Notnow.Notever.

APublicServiceAnnouncementAboutGravityandPublicService

You’veheardtheexpression“Youcan’tfightCityHall.”That’sanoldidiomaboutgravityproblems.Everybodyknowsyoucan’t fightCityHall. “Hey!” you retort.“YoucansofightCityHall!MartinLutherKingfoughtCityHall.MyfriendPhilfoughtCityHall.WeneedmoreCityHallfighters—notfewer!Areyoutellingustogiveuponthehardproblems?”

Youraiseanimportantquestion,soit’simportanttomakeclearexactlyhowtoaddresswhatwe’re calling gravity problems.Remember that the key thingwe’reafter here is to free you from getting stuck on something that’s not actionable.When you get stuck in a gravity problem, you’re stuck permanently, becausethere’snothingyoucando,anddesignersarefirstandforemostdoers.

We recognize that there are two variations of gravity problems—totallyinactionableones(suchasgravityitself)andfunctionallyunactionableones(suchastheaverageincomeofafull-timepoet).Someofyouaretryingtodecideifthething you’re stuck on is a gravity problem that isn’t actionable, or just a really,reallyhardproblemthatwill require effort and sacrificeand runsahigh riskoffailurebut isworthtrying.Let’saddress thisdifficult issueby lookingateachofthesamplegravityproblemswelistedabove.

GravityBiking.Youcan’tchangegravity.You’dhavetorelocatetheearth’sorbittopullthatoff,andthat’saprettycrazygoal.Skipit.Justacceptit.Whenyouacceptit, you are free to work around that situation and find something that isactionable.Thatcyclistcouldinvestinalighterbicycle.Shecouldtrylosingsomeweight.Shecould learnthe latest techniquesforclimbingmoreeffectively (turnsoutpedalingfasterinreallysmallgearsiseasierandtakesmorestaminainsteadofmorepower;staminaiseasiertobuildup).PoetIncome.Tochangethemedianincomeofpoets,you’dsomehowhavetoalterthemarketforpoetryandgetpeopletobuymorepoetryorpaymoreforit.Well,youcouldtryforthat.Youcouldwriteletterstotheeditorinpraiseofpoetry.Youcould knock on doors to get people out to the poetry night at your localcoffeehouse.Thisoneisalongshot.Eventhoughyoucanworkonthis“problem”inawaythatwasn’tpossiblewithgravity,we’drecommendthatyouacceptitasan

inactionable situation. If you do that, then your attention is freed to startdesigningothersolutionstootherproblems.Five-Year Unemployed Job Seeker. The statistics are unmistakable on this one. Ifyou’vebeenunemployeda longtime,youhaveahardertasktogetre-employed.Research using identical résumés with no difference but the duration ofunemploymentmadeclearthatmostemployersavoidthelong-termunemployed—apparently, groundlessly concluding that whoever else didn’t hire you over thattimemust have had a good reason. That’s a gravity problem. You can’t changeemployers’perceptions. Insteadofchanginghowthey think,howaboutworkingon changing how you appear to them? You can take volunteer roles and listsignificantprofessionalresults(withouthavingtogetintohowlittleyouwerepaiduntilmuch later in theconversation).Youcan identify roles in industrieswherethereislessageism.(Daveissogratefulthathegotintoteachinglaterinlife;nowhisageisseenasasourceofwisdom,andhe’snotstilltryingtopasshimselfoffasa marketing expert to clients half his age who know he’s no digital native anddoesn’t actually “get it” anymore.) Even in the face of daunting realities, youalwayshavesomefreedomyoucanexercise.Finditandtakeactionthere,insteadofagainstgravity.TheFamilyFirmOutsider.So,forthelast132years,noonewhoselastnamewasn’tFiddleslurphasheldanexecutiveroleinthecompany,butyouthinkthetimehasfinallycome,andyou’regoingbetheonetobreakthrough.Ifyoujustdoagreatjobandbideyourtime,inthreetofiveyearsthatVPtitlewillbeyours.Okay—youcan invest those three to five years, but, please, do so realizing that there is noevidencewhateverthatyourgoalwillbeattained.It’syourcall,butyoumightbebetteroffbuying a lottery ticket.Youhaveotheroptions.You cangodown theroad, to a firm that’s not family-run. But you love the town, and the kids arehappy in schoolwhere you are.Okay—then embrace the good things that comefromjustacceptingit.Reframethecompany’sfamilylegacyasbeingyoursourceof jobsecurity,withadecent income, inadependable firm.Knowingyouwon’thave to take on increased responsibilities in adjusting to endless promotions,you’ll be able to learn the job sowell you cando it in thirty-fivehours aweek,resultingingreatwork-lifebalance(andtimetowritemorepoetry!).Ormaybeyoulook for greater value instead of greater authority. You find a new function oroffering thatcangrowthecompanyor increaseprofits, andbecometheexpert—the go-to person—for running that part of the business. You will always be amanager andnever aVP, but, as theperson responsible for somuch value, youcouldbecome thehighest-paidmanager in theplace.Whoneedsa title if you’re

gettingpaidwhatyouwant?TenYearstotheM.D.Again,thisisarealgravityproblem—unlessyou’dliketostartyourlifedesignprojectbyreformingmedicalschooleducation(which,bytheway,isprettytoughtodoifyoudon’talreadyhaveanM.D.).No—wewouldn’tsignupforthatone,either.Whatyoucandoischangeyourthinkingandrememberthatin only your second year of med school you get to start treating patients and“doingmedicine.”Mostofthedoctoringdoneinhospitalsisdonebytheresidents—the trainees who have finished four years of medical school and gotten theirM.D.sandarenowwalkingthewardsandapprenticing.Ifyoucan’tchangeyourlife(becauseofgravity),youcanjustchangeyourthinking.Oryoucandecidetotakeadifferent route—beaphysician’sassistantanddoa lotofwhatdoctorsdobutatafractionofthetrainingtimeandcost.Orenterthewellnessfield,runningpreventionprogramsforaprogressive insurancecompanyandtherebymakingadentonhealthwithoutbeingontheclinical-caresideofthings.

Thekeyisnottogetstuckonsomethingthatyouhaveeffectivelynochanceofsucceedingat.Weareall foraggressiveandworld-changinggoals.PleasedofightCityHall.Oppose injustice.Work forwomen’s rights. Pursue food justice. Endhomelessness. Combat global warming. But do it smart. If you become open-mindedenoughtoacceptreality,you’llbefreedtoreframeanactionableproblemand design a way to participate in the world on things thatmatter to you andmight even work. That’s all we’re after here—we want to give you the best shotpossible at living the life you want, enjoying the living of it, and maybe evenmakingadifferencewhileyou’reat it.Wearegoing tohelpyoucreate thebest-designed life available to you in reality—not in some fictional world with lessgravityandrichpoets.

Theonlyresponsetoagravityproblemisacceptance.Andthisiswhereallgooddesignersbegin.Thisisthe“YouAreHere”or“Accept”phaseofdesignthinking.Acceptance.That’swhyyoustartwhereyouare.Notwhereyouwishyouwere.Notwhereyouhopeyouare.Notwhereyouthinkyoushouldbe.Butrightwhereyouare.

TheLifeDesignAssessment

Inordertostartwhereweare,weneedtobreaklifedownintosomediscreteareas—health,work,play,andlove.Aswe’vesaid,we’llbefocusingmostlyonwork,butyouwon’tbeable tounderstandhow todesignyourworkuntilyouunderstandhowitfitsintotherestofyourlife.So,inordertostartwhereweare,wehavetoknowwhereweare.Wedothisbytakingstockofoursituation—bytakingourowninventory and making an assessment. It’s a way to get an articulatedcharacterizationofwhereweareandanswertheage-oldquestion“How’sitgoing?”Butfirstlet’sdefinetheareasthatwillgroundyouranswer.

Health. From the earliest days of civilization, thoughtful people have recognizedthat itpays tobehealthy.Andby“healthy”wemeanbeingwell inmind,body,and spirit—emotional health, physical health, and mental health. The relativeimportanceofeachoftheseaspectsofhealthisuptoyou.Howyoumeasureyourownhealthintheseareasisyourcall.Butonceyou’vefiguredouthowyoudefine“health,” you need to pay attention to it. How healthy you are will factorsignificantly into how you assess the quality of your life when answering that“How’sitgoing?”question.Work. By “work” we mean your participation in the great ongoing humanadventureontheplanet.Youmayormaynotbegettingpaidforit,butthisisthestuff you “do.” Assuming you’re not financially independent, you usually aregettingpaidforatleastaportionofyour“work.”Don’tforaminutereduceworkonly to that which you get paid for.Most people havemore than one form ofworkatatime.Play.Playisallaboutjoy.Ifyouobservechildrenatplay(we’retalkingmoreaboutfingerpaintingwithmudthanaboutchampionshipsoccerhere),youwillseethetypeofplaywearetalkingabout.Playisanyactivitythatbringsyoujoywhenyoudo it. It can certainly include organized activity or competition or productiveendeavors,butwhenthosethingsaredone“forthejoyofit”theyareplay.Whenanactivity isdonetowin, toadvance, toachieve—evenif it’s“fun”todoso—it’snotplay.Itmaybeawonderfulthing,butit’sstillnotplay.Thequestionhereiswhatbringsyoujoypurelyinthedoing.Love.Weallknowwhat love is.Andweallknowwhenwehave it andwhenwedon’t.Lovedoesmaketheworldgoaround,andwhenit’slacking,ourworldcanfeellikeit’snotmovingusmuch.Wewon’tattempttodefinelove(youknowwhatyou thinkon that, anyway), andwehaveno formulas for findingyourone true

love(therearelotsofotherbooksaboutthat),butwedoknowthatyouhavetopayattention to it. Love comes to us in a wide range of types, from affection tocommunitytoeroticism,andfromahugearrayofsources,fromparentstofriendsto colleagues to lovers, but they all share that people thing. That sense ofconnection.Whoarethepeopleinyourlife,andhowisloveflowingtoandfromyouandothers?

So—How’sItGoing?

There isnoappraisalor judgmentwe (oranyone)canmakeofyour life in thesefour areas.We’ve allneededa remodel in at leastoneof these areasof life.Theidea is topickwhat todesign first, andbecuriousabouthowyoumightdesignthisparticularareaofyour life.Awarenessandcuriosityarethedesignmind-setsyouneedtobeginbuildingyourwayforward.

The exercise below is going to help you figure out where you are and whatdesignproblemyou’dliketotackle.Youcan’tknowwhereyou’regoinguntilyouknowwhereyouare.

Really.Youcan’t.Dotheexercise.That’swhythesignsaysYouAreHere.

TheHealthWorkPlay/LoveDashboard

Away to take stockofyourcurrent situation, the“YouAreHere” foryou, is tofocusonwhatwecallthehealth/workplaylovedashboard.Thinkofthislikethegaugesonyourcar’sdashboard.Gaugestellyousomethingaboutthestateofyourcar:Doyouhaveenoughgastocompleteyourjourney?Isthereoilintheenginetohelpitrunsmoothly?Isitrunninghotandabouttoblow?Similarly,theHWPLdashboardwilltellyousomethingaboutthefourthingsthatprovideenergyandfocusforyourjourneyandkeepyourliferunningsmoothly.

DysfunctionalBelief:IshouldalreadyknowwhereI’mgoing.Reframe:Youcan’tknowwhereyouaregoinguntilyouknowwhereyouare.

Wearegoingtoaskyoutoassessyourstateofhealthandthewaysyouwork,play,andlove.Healthisatthebaseofourdiagrambecause,well,whenyou’renothealthy,nothingelseinyourlifeworksverywell.Work,play,andlovearebuiltontopofhealthandrepresentthreeareaswethinkit’simportanttopayattentionto.We want to stress that there is no perfect balance of these areas. We all havedifferentmixes of health,work, play, and love inour lives at different times.Ayoung single person, fresh from college, might have an abundance of physicalhealth, lotsofplay andwork,butnomeaningful love relationshipyet.Ayoungcouplewithchildrenaregoingtoplayalot,butinadifferentwayfromwhentheywere singleorwhen theydidn’thave children.Andaswe age,healthbecomes abiggerconcern.Therewillbeanappropriatemixforyou,andyouwillhaveasenseofit,atwhateverstageoflifeyouarein.

When you think about health, we suggest you think about more than just agoodcheckupatthedoctor’s.Awell-designedlifeissupportedbyahealthybody,anengagedmind,andoften, thoughnotalways,someformofspiritualpractice.By “spiritual”wedon’t necessarilymean religious.We call spiritual anypracticethat is based on a belief in something bigger than ourselves. Again, there is noobjective perfect balance of these different areas of health, just a subjectivepersonalsensethateither“Ihaveenough”or“Somethingismissing.”

Even though perfect balance is not our goal, a look at this diagram can

sometimeswarnusthatsomethingisnotright.Likeanemergencylightonyourcar’sdashboard,thediagrammayserveasanindicatorthatit’stimetopulloverandfigureoutwhat’swrong.

Asanexample, anentrepreneurwhoweknownamedFred tooka lookathisdashboard and noticed that he had almost no entries in the health and playcategories.Hisdashboardlookedlikethis:

FRED’SDASHBOARD

Fred had been careful tomake time for his wife and family—start-ups can betough on relationships—so he felt good about his love gauge.Hewaswilling togiveupmostofhisplaytime,becausehewas“allin”onhisstart-up,sothelackofbalancetherewasokaywithhim.However,theassessmenthelpedhimrealizethathehadgonetoofar,especiallywhenitcametohishealth,whichwasaredlightonhis dashboard. “To be a successful, high-performance entrepreneur, particularlyundertheextremestressofastart-up,Ican’taffordtogetsick.Ineedtomanagemyhealth, evenmorenow that I’m in a start-up.” Fredmade some changes: hehiredapersonaltrainer,startedworkingoutthreetimesaweek,andcommittedtolistening to one audio book a week on a challenging intellectual or spiritualsubject during his commute. He reported more efficiency at work and a muchhigherjobandlifesatisfactionwiththisnewmix.

Debbie,aproductmanageratApplewhorecentlystoppedworkingtoraisehertwinboys,wassurprisedtofindherdashboardreassuring.“Ithoughtthat,sinceIwasn’t ‘working’ anymore, I had lost my ‘work’ identity. I realized that if IproperlyvaluedtheworkIwasdoingforthehouseholdandmykids,thenIwasactuallyworkingmorenowthanbefore.AndI’mtakinggoodenoughcareofmybodyandmymindtomakesurethatIgettoenjoymyqualitytimewiththetwins.

Thisdashboardvalidatesmychoicetostopworkingformoneywhilemykidsarelittle.”

DEBBIE’SDASHBOARD

SothereareFred’sandDebbie’sstories;let’sgetstartedwithyourdashboard.

YourHealthGauge

Aswesaid,healthytousmeansbeingwellinmorethanjustyourbody;youmightwanttotakeintoaccountyourmindandspirit,too.Therelativeimportanceofeachareaisentirelyuptoyou.Makeaquickassessmentofyourhealthandthenfillinyourgauge—areyouaquarterfull,orhalf,orthree-quarters,orreallyfull?(Billhasalsofilledinthegaugesforhisdashboardasanexampletoreference.)

Howyourateyourhealthwillfactorsignificantlyintohowyouassessthequalityofyourlifeandwhatyoumightwanttoredesigngoingforward.

Health

Bill’sexample:

Health:I’mingoodgeneralhealth,hadagoodphysicalrecently.Ihaveslightlyelevated cholesterol, I should lose fifteenpounds tobe atmy idealweight, I amnotexercising,Iamoutofshape,andI’mfrequentlywindedifIhavetorunforthetrain.Ireadandwriteaboutmyphilosophyoflife,work,andlove;Ireadthelatest researchon themind and themind-body connection, but I am losingmymemoryfasterthanIthinkIshould.Isayanaffirmationeverymorning,andthishascompletelychangedmyoutlookonlife. Ihavebeeninan intentionalmen’sgroupeversincemysonwasborn(twenty-oneyearsago),andthesemenhavebeenmyguidesandcompanionsonmanyspiritual journeys.Iratemyhealthas“halffull.”

YourWorkGauge

Makealistofallthewaysyou“work,”andthen“gauge”yourworkinglifeasawhole.Weareassumingthattherearethingsonyourlistthatyouaregettingpaidtodo.Thiswillincludeyournine-to-fivejob,andyoursecondjobifthefirstisn’tenough,andanyconsultingoradvisingyoudo,etc.Ifyouarearegularvolunteerinanyorganization,figurethatin,too.Ifyouareahomemaker,likeDebbie,makesureyourememberthatraisingchildren,providinghome-cookedmealsforyourfamily,takingcareofagingparents,anddoinghouseworkareallformsof“work.”

Work

Bill’sexample:

Work:IworkatStanfordanddosomeprivateconsulting,IteachDesigningYourLife workshops, I’m on the board of VOZ, a socially responsible start-up(noncompensated).

YourPlayGauge

Playisaboutactivitythatbringsjoyjustforthepuresakeofthedoingofit.Itcanincludeorganizedactivityorproductiveendeavors,butonlyiftheyaredoneforfunandnotmerit.Wecontendthatalllivesneedsomeplay,andthatmakingsurethereissomeplayinourdayisacriticallifedesignstep.Makeaquicklistofhowyouplayandthenfillinyourgauge—areyouaquarterfull,orhalf,orthree-quarters,orreallyfull?

Play

Bill’sexample:

Play: Iplaybycookingmeals for friendsandthrowingbigoutdoorparties—butthat’skindofit.

(Bytheway,Billconsidersthistobearedlightonhisdashboard.)

YourLoveGauge

Wedothinkthatlovemakestheworldgoaround,andwhenwedon’thaveany,ourworldisn’tasbrightandaliveasitcouldbe.Wealsoknowthatwehavetopayattentiontolove,andthatitarrivesinawiderangeofforms.Ourprimaryrelationshipiswherewegofirstforlove,childrentypicallycomenext,andthenit’safloodofpeopleandpetsandcommunityandanythingelsethatisanobjectofaffection.Anditisascriticaltofeellovedbyothersasitistolove—ithastogobothways.Whereistheloveflowinginyourlife,fromyouandfromothers?Makealist,andthenfillinyourgauge.

Love

Bill’sexample:

Love:Loveshowsupinalotofplacesinmylife.Ilovemywife,mychildren,myparents,mybrothers, andmy sister, and I receive loveback fromallof them intheirownways.Ilovegreatart,paintingespecially,anditmovesmelikenothingelse.Ilovemusicinallitsforms—itcanmakemehappyandcanmakemecry.Ilove the great spaces in theworld,man-made or in nature, that takemy breathaway.

A look at Bill’s dashboard highlights the lack of play and some issues withphysical health. These “red lights” are indicators of areas that Billmay need toattendto.

BILL’SDASHBOARDwith“REDLIGHT”onPLAYandHEALTH

So—How’sItReallyGoing?

Knowingthecurrentstatusofyourhealth/workplaylovedashboardgivesyouaframeworkandsomedataaboutyourself,allinoneplace.Onlyyouknowwhat’sgoodenoughornotgoodenough—rightnow.

After a fewmore chapters and a fewmore tools and ideas, youmaywant tocomeback to this assessment and check thedashboardonemore time, to see ifanythinghas changed. Since lifedesign is an iterativeprocessofprototypes andexperimentation,therearelotsofonrampsandofframpsalongtheway.Ifyou’rebeginningtothinklikeadesigner,youwillrecognizethatlifeisneverdone.Workis never done. Play is never done. Love andhealth arenever done.We are onlydone designing our lives whenwe die.Until then, we’re involved in a constantiterationofthenextbigthing:lifeasweknowit.Sothequestionsremain:Areyouhappyrightnowwithwhereyourgaugesstandineachofthesefourareas?Haveyoulookedatthemhonestly?Arethereareasthatneedaction?Haveyouperhapscomeupagainstoneofyourwickedproblems?Thatispossible,eventhisearlyinthe process. If you think you have, make sure to check first for a “gravityproblem.” Ask yourself if your problem is actionable. Also, look for someexpressionofbalanceandproportionalityinyourdashboard—veryimportantfordesign—withoutimaginingthatthereissomeperfectsymmetryorbalancebetweenalltheareasinyourlife.It’sunlikelythathealth,work,play,andlovewilldivideneatlyintofourequalparts.Butwhenlifeisreallyoutofbalance,therecanbeaproblem.

Bill noticed that his play gauge was way too low. How’s yours? Is your playgaugeataquarterandyourworkat fullormore?Whatabout love?Whataboutyourhealth?Howisyourmentalhealth,andyourspirit?We’reguessingyouarealreadystarting togeta feel for theareas inyour life inneedof somedesignorinnovation.

As you begin to think like a designer, remember one important thing: it’simpossible topredict the future.And the corollary to that thought is: once youdesignsomething,itchangesthefuturethatispossible.

Wrapyourmindaroundthat.Designingsomethingchangesthefuturethatispossible.So, although it is not possible to know your future, or figure out a great life

designbeforeyoubegin,atleastyouhaveagoodideaofyourstartingpoint.Nowit’stimetogetyoupointedintherightdirectionforthejourneyahead.Forthat,you’llneedacompass.

TryStuff

HealthWorkPlay/LoveDashboard

1. Writeafewsentencesabouthowit’sgoingineachofthefourareas.

2. Markwhereyouare(0toFull)oneachgauge.

3. Askyourselfifthere’sadesignproblemyou’dliketotackleinanyoftheseareas.

4. Nowaskyourselfifyour“problem”isagravityproblem.

2

BuildingaCompass

Wehavejustthreequestionsforyou:Whatisyourname?Whatisyourquest?Whatistheairspeedvelocityofanunladenswallow?If you’re likemost people, it was probably easy to answer two of those three

questions.We all know our names, and a simpleGoogle search can give us theotheranswer—twenty-fourmilesperhour.(Forallofyouhard-coreMontyPythonfans,thatvelocityisforaEuropeanswallow.)

Solet’stalkaboutthequestionthat’salittlebitharder—whatisyourquest?It’snothardtoimaginethatifweaddedupallthehoursspenttryingtofigureoutlife,for some of us they would outweigh the hours spent actually living life. Really.Living.Life.

We all knowhow toworry about our lives.Analyze our lives. Even speculateaboutourlives.Worry,analysis,andspeculationarenotourbestdiscoverytools,andmostofushave,atonetimeoranother,gottenincrediblylostandconfusedusingthem.Theytendtokeepusspinningincirclesandspendingweeks,months,oryears sittingonthatcouch(oratadesk,or inarelationship) tryingtofigureoutwhattodonext.It’sasiflifewerethisgreatbigDIYproject,butonlyaselectfewactuallygottheinstructionmanual.

Thisisnotdesigningyourlife.Thisisobsessingaboutyourlife.We’reheretochangethat.Andthequestionswe’reultimatelyaskingarethesameonestheGreeksstarted

asking in the fifth centuryb.c. andwe’ve allbeenasking ever since:What is thegoodlife?Howdoyoudefineit?Howdoyouliveit?Throughouttheages,peoplehavebeenaskingthesamequestions:

WhyamIhere?

WhatamIdoing?Whydoesitmatter?Whatismypurpose?What’sthepointofitall?Lifedesignisawayforyoutofigureoutyourownanswerstotheseperennial

questions, and to figure out your own good life. Dave’s answers to “Why am Ihere?”and“WhatamIdoing?”and“Whydoesitmatter?”aregoingtobedifferentfromBill’sanswers,andouranswersaregoingtobedifferentfromyours.Butweareallaskingthesamequestions.Andwecanallfindanswersforourownlives.

In the last chapter, you answered one of our favorite questions—“How’s itgoing?”—a question we often ask in our office hours. If you filled in your lifedesign dashboard, you now knowwhere your gauges are full, andwhere they’rerunningonempty,andknowingwhat’sonyourlifedesigndashboardisthefirststepindesigningyourlife.

Thenextstepisbuildingyourcompass.

BuildingYourCompass

Youneedtwothingstobuildyourcompass—aWorkviewandaLifeview.Tostartout,weneedtodiscoverwhatworkmeanstoyou.Whatisworkfor?Whydoyoudoit?Whatmakesgoodworkgood?Ifyoudiscoverandareabletoarticulateyourphilosophyofwork(whatit’sforandwhyyoudoit),youwillbelesslikelytoletothersdesignyourlifeforyou.DevelopingyourownWorkviewisonecomponentofthecompassyouarebuilding;aLifeviewissecond.

Now,Lifeviewmaysoundabitlofty,butit’sreallynot—everyonehasaLifeview.Youmaynothavearticulateditbefore,butifyouarealive,youhaveaLifeview.ALifeview is simplyyour ideas about theworld andhow itworks.Whatgives lifemeaning?Whatmakesyourlifeworthwhileorvaluable?Howdoesyourliferelatetoothersinyourfamily,yourcommunity,andtheworld?Whatdomoney,fame,andpersonalaccomplishmenthavetodowithasatisfyinglife?Howimportantareexperience,growth,andfulfillmentinyourlife?

Once you’ve written your Workview and your Lifeview, and completed thesimpleexercisethatfollows,you’llhaveyourcompassandbeonthepathtowardawell-designed life. Don’t worry—we know that your Workview and Lifeview will

change. It’sobvious that theWorkviewandLifeviewyouhaveasa teenager,asayoungcollegegrad,andasanemptynesterwillallbesubstantiallydifferent.Thepointis,youdon’thavetohaveitallfiguredoutfortherestofyourlife;youjusthavetocreatethecompassforwhatlifeisaboutforyourightnow.

Parker Palmer, a renowned educational reformer and author of Let Your LifeSpeak, says that at one point he suddenly realized he was doing a noble job ofliving someone else’s life. Parker was emulating his great heroes—Martin LutherKing, Jr.,Gandhi—bothgreatsocial justice leadersof the1950sand ’60s.Becausehevaluedtheirsentimentsandgoals,hesethispathintheworldbytheircompass,nothisown,andworkedhardtochangetheeducationalsystemfromwithin.HeearnedaPh.D.atUCBerkeleyandwasontracktoreachhisgoalofbecomingarespecteduniversitypresident.Thatwasallwellandgood,butParkerhatedit.Hecame to the realization that he could be inspired by people likeMartin LutherKingandGandhi,butthatdidn’tmeanhehadtowalktheirsamepath.Heendedupredesigninghis lifeasa thought leaderandwriter—stillworking for the samegoals,butinawaythatwaslessaboutimitationandmoreaboutauthenticity.

Thepointis,therearelotsofpowerfulvoicesintheworld,andlotsofpowerfulvoicesinourheads,alltellinguswhattodoorwhotobe.Andbecausetherearemanymodelsforhowlifeissupposedtobelived,weallruntherisk,likeParker,of accidentallyusing someone else’s compass and living someone else’s life.ThebestwaytoavoidthisistoarticulateclearlyourownWorkviewandLifeview,sowecanbuildourownuniquecompass.

Ourgoalforyourlifeisrathersimple:coherency.Acoherentlifeisonelivedinsuchawaythatyoucanclearlyconnectthedotsbetweenthreethings:

• Whoyouare

• Whatyoubelieve

• Whatyouaredoing

Forexample,ifinyourLifeviewyoubelieveinleavingtheplanetabetterplaceforthenextgeneration,andyouworkforagiantcorporationthatispollutingtheplanet (but for a really great salary), there is going to be a lack of coherencybetweenwhatyoubelieveandwhatyoudo—andasaresultalotofdisappointmentanddiscontent.Mostofushavetomakesometrade-offsandcompromisesalongtheway, includingsomewemaynot like. IfyourLifeview is thatart is theonlything worth pursuing, and your Workview tells you that it’s critical to make

enoughmoneysoyourkidshaveeverything theyneed,youaregoing tomakeacompromiseinyourLifeviewwhileyourchildrenaredependentandathome.Butthatwillbeokay,because it’saconsciousdecision,whichallowsyoutostay“oncourse” and coherent. Living coherently doesn’t mean everything is in perfectorderall the time. It simplymeansyouare living inalignmentwithyourvaluesand have not sacrificed your integrity along the way. When you have a goodcompassguidingyou,youhavethepowertocutthesekindsofdealswithyourself.Ifyoucanseetheconnectionsbetweenwhoyouare,whatyoubelieve,andwhatyouaredoing,youwillknowwhenyouareoncourse,whenthereistension,whentheremightneedtobesomecarefulcompromises,andwhenyouareinneedofamajor course correction. Our experience with our students has shown that theabilitytoconnectthesethreedotsincreasesyoursenseofself,andthathelpsyoucreatemoremeaninginyourlifeandhavegreatersatisfaction.

Sonowit’s timetobuildyourcompassandsetoutonyourquest.Rightnowyourquestissimple(andit’snottofindtheHolyGrail).Yourquestistodesignyourlife.Wemayallwantthesamethingsinlife—ahealthyandlonglife,workweenjoyandthatmatters,lovingandmeaningfulrelationships,andahellofalotoffunalongtheway—buthowwethinkwe’llgetthemisverydifferent.

WorkviewReflection

WriteashortreflectionaboutyourWorkview.We’renotlookingforatermpaperhere (and we’re still not grading you), but we do want you really to write thisdown.Don’t do it in your head. This should take about thirtyminutes. Try toshootfor250words—lessthanapageoftypedwriting.

AWorkviewshouldaddressthecriticalissuesrelatedtowhatworkisandwhatitmeanstoyou.Itisnotjustalistofwhatyouwantfromoroutofwork,butageneral statementofyourviewofwork. It’s yourdefinition forwhatgoodworkdeservestobe.AWorkviewmayaddresssuchquestionsas:

• Whywork?

• What’sworkfor?

• Whatdoesworkmean?

• Howdoesitrelatetotheindividual,others,society?

• Whatdefinesgoodorworthwhilework?

• Whatdoesmoneyhavetodowithit?

• Whatdoexperience,growth,andfulfillmenthavetodowithit?

In the years duringwhichwe’ve beenhelpingpeoplewith this exercise,we’venoticedthataWorkviewisaprettynewideaformostpeople.Andwe’venoticedthatwhenpeoplegetstuckonthisexerciseitisbecausetheyarejustwritingdownwhat they’re looking for in a job or an employment situation, which is a “jobdescription.”Forthisexercise,we’renotinterestedinwhatworkyouwanttodo,butwhyyouwork.

Whatwe’reafterisyourphilosophyofwork—whatit’sfor,whatitmeans.Thiswillessentiallybeyourworkmanifesto.Whenusingtheterm“work,”wemeanthebroadestdefinition—notjustwhatyoudotomakemoneyorfor“ajob.”Workisoften the largest single component of most people’s waking lives, and over alifetime it occupiesmoreofour attention and energy than anything elsewedo.Accordingly,we’resuggestingyoutakethetimetoreflectandarticulatewhatworkandvocationmeantoyou(andperhapswhatyouhopeworkmeansforothersaswell).

Workviews can and do range widely in what they address and how theyincorporatedifferent issues, such as service toothers and theworld,money andstandardofliving,andgrowth,learning,skills,andtalents.Allofthesecanbepartoftheequation.Wewantyoutoaddresswhatyouthinkisimportant.Youdonothave to address the question of service to others or any explicit connection tosocialissues.However,thepositivepsychologistMartinSeligman1foundthatthepeoplewhocanmakean explicit connectionbetween theirworkand somethingsociallymeaningfultothemaremorelikelytofindsatisfaction,andarebetterabletoadapttotheinevitablestressesandcompromisesthatcomewithworkingintheworld.Sincemostpeopletellustheylongforsatisfyingandmeaningfulwork,weencourage you to explore the questions above and write down your Workview.Yourcompasswon’tbecompletewithoutit.

LifeviewReflection

JustasyoudidwiththeWorkview,pleasewriteareflectiononyourLifeview.Thisshouldalsotakenomorethanthirtyminutesandbe250wordsorso.BelowaresomequestionsoftenaddressedinaLifeview,justtogetyoustarted.Thekeythingis to write down whatever critical defining values and perspectives provide thebasis for your understanding of life. Your Lifeview is what provides yourdefinition of what have been called “matters of ultimate concern.” It’s whatmattersmosttoyou.

• Whyarewehere?

• Whatisthemeaningorpurposeoflife?

• Whatistherelationshipbetweentheindividualandothers?

• Wheredofamily,country,andtherestoftheworldfitin?

• Whatisgood,andwhatisevil?

• Isthereahigherpower,God,orsomethingtranscendent,andifso,whatimpactdoesthishaveonyourlife?

• Whatistheroleofjoy,sorrow,justice,injustice,love,peace,andstrifeinlife?

We realize that these are somewhat philosophical questions, and we did justmention the “G” word. Some readers will see God as unimportant; others mayhave wanted us to address this up front as the most important issue. You’veprobablyfiguredoutbynowthatdesignisvalues-neutral,andwedon’ttakesides.Thequestions,includingtheonesaboutGodorspirituality,aregiventoprovokeyourthinking,andit’suptoyoutoseewhichonesyouwanttotrytoanswer.Theyare not talking points for religious or political debates, and there are nowronganswers—nowrongLifeviews.Theonlywaytodothisincorrectlyisnottodoitatall.Besidesthat,becuriousandthinklikeadesigner.Askthequestionsthatworkforyou,makeupyourown,andseewhatyoudiscover.

Writedownyouranswers.Ready.Begin.

CoherencyandWorkview-LifeviewIntegration

Read over yourWorkview and Lifeview, andwrite down a few thoughts on thefollowingquestions(pleasetrytoanswereachofthequestions):

• Wheredoyourviewsonworkandlifecomplementoneanother?

• Wheredotheyclash?

• Doesonedrivetheother?How?

Pleasetakesometimetowriteupyourthoughtsontheintegrationofyourtwoviews. Our students tell us that this is where they often get the biggest “aha”moments,sopleasetakethispartoftheexerciseseriouslyandgivetheintegrationsomethought.Inmostcases, thisreflectionwillresult insomeeditingofoneorbothofyourviews.ByhavingyourWorkviewandyourLifeviewinharmonywitheachother,youincreaseyourownclarityandabilitytoliveaconsciouslycoherent,meaningfullife—oneinwhichwhoyouare,whatyoubelieve,andwhatyoudoarealigned.When you’ve got an accurate compass, you’ll never stray off course forlong.

TrueNorth

SonowyouhaveanarticulatedandintegratedLifeviewandWorkview.Ultimately,whatthesetwoviewsdoisgiveyouyour“TrueNorth.”Theycreateyourcompass.Theywillhelpyouknowifyou’reoncourseoroffcourse.Atanymomentyoucanassess where you are in relation to your True North. It’s rare that people sailbeautifullystraightthroughtheirbeautifullives,alwayslookingbeautiful.Infact,asallsailorsknow,youcan’tchartacourseofonestraightline—youtackaccordingtowhat thewinds and the conditions allow.HeadingTrueNorth, youmay sailoneway,thenanotherdirection,andthenbacktheotherway.Sometimesyousailclose to the shoreline to avoid rough seas, adapting as needed. And sometimesstormshitandyougetcompletelylost,ortheentiresailboattipsover.

These are the times when it’s best to have yourWorkview and your Lifeviewhandytoreorientyourself.Anytimeyoustart tofeelyour life isnotworking,oryou’regoingthroughamajortransition,it’sgoodtodoacompasscalibration.Wedothematleastonceayear.

Rotateyourtires.

Changethebatteryinyoursmokedetector.Double-checkyourWorkviewandLifeviewandmakesuretheyalign.Anytimeyou’rechangingyoursituation,orpursuinganewthing,orwondering

what you’re doing at a particular job—stop. Before you start, it’s a good idea tocheck your compass and orient yourself. Now that you have your compass, it’stimeto“findyourway.”

Thisisaquest,afterall.

DysfunctionalBelief:IshouldknowwhereI’mgoing!Reframe:Iwon’talwaysknowwhereI’mgoing—butIcanalwaysknowwhetherI’mgoingintherightdirection.

TryStuff

WorkviewandLifeview

1. WriteashortreflectionaboutyourWorkview.Thisshouldtakeaboutthirtyminutes.Shootforabout250words—lessthanapageoftypedwriting.

2. WriteashortreflectionaboutyourLifeview.Thisshouldalsotakenomorethanthirtyminutesandbe250wordsorso.

3. ReadoveryourLifeviewandWorkview,andanswereachofthesequestions:

a.Wheredoyourviewsonworkandlifecomplementoneanother?

b.Wheredotheyclash?

c.Doesonedrivetheother?How?

3

Wayfinding

Michael was happy. A popular boy living in a small college town in centralCalifornia, he played sports, hung out with his friends, and enjoyed the fairlycarefreelifethatcomeswithbeingapopularboywhoplayssportsandhangsoutwith his friends. Michael didn’t spend a whole lot of time thinking about orplanningforthefuture.Hejustdidwhateverwasinfrontofhim,andlifeseemedtoworkoutfine.Hismother,however,hadplans.Lotsofplans.SheplannedforMichael to go to college, chose where he would apply, and even chose what hewouldmajorin.ThisresultedinMichael’sattendingCalPolyinSanLuisObispoandmajoringincivilengineering.Michaelwasn’tparticularlyinvestedinbeingacivilengineer;hewassimplyfollowingMom’splan.

Hedidfineinhismajorandgraduatedfromcollege.Michaelthenfellinlovewith Skylar, who was finishing her degree andmoving to Amsterdam to take acorporateconsultingjob.MichaelfollowedSkylarandtookaperfectlygoodcivil-engineeringpositioninAmsterdam,wherehedidadecentjob.Michaelwasagainhappily following a path in life that had been chosen for him, and not oncehavingstoppedtoconsiderwhathewantedtodoorwhohewantedtobecome.HehadneverarticulatedhisLifevieworWorkview, andhadalways letotherpeoplesteerhiscourseanddeterminehisdirection.Ithadworkedwellenoughsofar.

After Amsterdam, Michael traveled back to California with Skylar (now hiswife), who found a great job she loved; Michael took a job in a nearby civil-engineering firm. That’s when the trouble began. He was doing all the thingsrespectable civil engineers do—but he was bored, restless, and miserable. Hisnewfoundmisery lefthimconfused.Hehadno ideawhere togoorwhat todo.For the first time in his life, his planwasn’t working, and, without a direction,Michaelfeltabsolutelylost.

DysfunctionalBelief:Workisnotsupposedtobeenjoyable;that’swhythey

callitwork.Reframe:Enjoymentisaguidetofindingtherightworkforyou.

LotsofpeoplehadadviceforMichael.Afewfriendssuggestedhestarthisowncivil-engineeringpractice, believing thathisproblemwasdue tohisworking forsomeoneelse.Hisfather-in-lawtoldhim,“You’reasmartguy.You’reanengineer,soyouknowyourmath.Youshouldbeinfinance.Youshouldbeastockbroker.”Michael thought about all themany suggestions and started calculating howhecouldquithisjobandgobacktoschooltostudyfinance,ormaybegotobusinessschool.Heconsideredalloftheseoptionsbecause,frankly,hewasn’tsurewhattheproblemwas.Hadhefailedasacivilengineer?Hadcivilengineeringfailedhim?Washejustsupposedtoputupwithit?Afterall,itwasonlyajob,right?

Wrong.

FindingYourWay

Wayfindingistheancientartoffiguringoutwhereyouaregoingwhenyoudon’tactuallyknowyourdestination.Forwayfinding,youneedacompassandyouneedadirection.Not amap—adirection.Thinkof theAmerican explorersLewis andClark.Theydidn’thaveamapwhenJeffersonsentthemouttotravelthroughthelandacquiredintheLouisianaPurchaseandmaketheirwaytothePacific.Whilewayfinding to the ocean, they mapped the route (140 maps, to be exact).Wayfindingyourlife issimilar.Sincethere’snoonedestinationinlife,youcan’tput your goal into yourGPS and get the turn-by-turn directions for how to getthere.What you cando ispay attention to the clues in frontof you, andmakeyourbestwayforwardwiththetoolsyouhaveathand.Wethinkthefirstcluesareengagementandenergy.

Engagement

Civilengineeringhadn’tfailedMichael.Hejustwasn’tpayingattentiontohislife,

and all he knew was that something wasn’t working. At thirty-four years old,Michaeldidn’tknowwhathelikedandwhathedidn’tlike.Whenhecametousforhelp,hewasonthevergeofupendinghislifeandcareercompletely,andforno good reasons. We had him spend a few weeks doing a simple loggingassignmentattheendofeveryworkday.Michaelwrotedownwhenduringthedayhehadbeenfeelingbored,restless,orunhappyathisjob,andwhatexactlyhehadbeendoingduringthose times (the timeswhenhewasdisengaged).Healsowrotedownwhenhewas excited, focused, andhaving a good time atwork, andwhatexactlyhewasdoingduringthosetimes(thetimeswhenhewasengaged).MichaelwasworkingonwhatwecalltheGoodTimeJournal.

WhydidwehaveMichaeldothis(and,yes,we’regoingtoaskyoutodoit,too)?Becausewewere trying to get him to catchhimself in the act of having a goodtime.Whenyou learnwhatactivities reliablyengageyou,you’rediscoveringandarticulating something that can be very helpful in your life design work.Rememberthatdesignershaveabiastoaction—whichisjustanotherwayofsayingthat we pay a lot of attention to doing things, and not just to thinking aboutthings.Loggingwhenyouareandaren’tengagedandenergizedwillhelpyoupayattentiontowhatyou’redoinganddiscoverwhat’sworking.

Flow:TotalEngagement

Flowisengagementonsteroids.Flow is that stateofbeing inwhich timestandsstill, you’re totally engaged in an activity, and the challenge of that particularactivitymatchesupwithyour skill—soyou’reneitherboredbecause it’s too easynor anxious because it’s too hard. People describe this state of engagement as“euphoric,” “in the zone,” and “freakin’ awesome.” Flow was “discovered” byProfessorMihalyCsikszentmihalyi, who has been researching this phenomenonsince the 1970s. When he first described the state of flow, he had studied thedetailedactivitiesofthousandsofpeoplegoingabouttheirdailylivesandwasabletoisolatethisveryspecialformofintenseengagement.1

Peopleinflowreporttheexperienceashavingthesesortsofattributes:

• Experiencingcompleteinvolvementintheactivity.

• Feelingasenseofecstasyoreuphoria.

• Havinggreatinnerclarity—knowingjustwhattodoandhowtodoit.

• Beingtotallycalmandatpeace.

• Feelingasiftimewerestandingstill—ordisappearinginaninstant.

Flowcanhappenduringalmostanyphysicalormentalactivity,andoftenwhenboth are combined.Dave goes into flow while editingminute details in a classlessonplan,oroutonhissailboat,trimmingthesailsasitheelsintoarisingwind.Billadmitstobeingaflowjunkieandfindsadvisingstudents,sketchinginhisidealog,orchoppinganonionwithhisfavoriteknifetobemomentsmostconducivetoflow.Flowisoneofthose“hardtodescribebutyouknowitwhenyoufeelit”qualitative experiences that you’ll have to identify for yourself. As the ultimatestate of personal engagement, flow experiences have a special place in designingyour life, so it’s important to get good at capturing them in your Good TimeJournal.

Flowisplayforgrown-ups.Inthelifedesigndashboard,weassessedourhealth,work,play,andlove.Theelementweallfindthemostelusiveinourbusymodernlivesis“play.”Youmightthinkthatweallhavetoomanyresponsibilitiestohavemuchtimeforplay.Sure,wecanstrive tohaveourworkandourchoresengageskillswelikeusing,butfaceit—it’swork,notplay.Maybe.Maybenot.Flowisonekeytowhatwecalladultplay,andareallyrewardingandsatisfyingcareerinvolvesalotofflowstates.Theessenceofplayisbeingfullyimmersedandjoyfulinwhatyou’redoing,withoutbeingconstantlydistractedbyconcernsabouttheoutcomes.Whenwe’re in flow, that’s exactlywhat’s goingon—we are fully present towhatwe’redoing,sopresentwedon’tevennoticetime.Seenthisway,flowissomethingwe should strive to make a regular part of our work life (and home life, andexerciselife,andlovelife…yougettheidea).

Energy

After engagement, the second wayfinding clue to look for is energy. Humanbeings, like all living things,needenergy to live and to thrive.Menandwomenused to spendmost of their daily energy onphysical tasks. Formost of humanhistory,menandwomenwereworkingathuntingandgathering,raisingchildren,

and raising crops, most of their time consumed with energy-intensive physicallabor.

Nowadays,manyofusareknowledgeworkers,andweuseourbrainstodotheheavy lifting. The brain is a very energy-hungry organ. Of the roughly twothousand calories we consume a day, five hundred go to running our brains.That’sastonishing:thebrainrepresentsonlyabout2percentofourbodyweight,andyetittakesup25percentoftheenergyweconsumeeveryday.It’snowonderthatthewayweinvestourattentioniscriticaltowhetherornotwefeelhighorlowenergy.2

Weengageinphysicalandmentalactivitiesalldaylong.Someactivitiessustainourenergyandsomedrainit;wewanttotrackthoseenergyflowsaspartofourGoodTimeJournalexercise.Onceyouhaveagoodhandleonwhereyourenergygoeseveryweek,youcanstartredesigningyouractivitiestomaximizeyourvitality.Remember,lifedesignisaboutgettingmoreoutofyourcurrentlife—andnotonlyabout redesigningawholenew life.Even ifquestions about somebig change inyourlifemaybewhatbroughtyoutothisbook,mostlifedesignworkisdirectedat tuning up and improving the life you’re in, without having to make hugestructuralchangeslikechangingjobsormovingorgoingbacktogradschool.

Youmaybewondering,“Isn’ttrackingmyenergylevelkindofthesamethingastrackinghowengagedIam?”Yesandno.Yes,highlevelsofengagementoftencoincidewithhigh levelsof energy,butnotnecessarily.A colleagueofDave’s, abrilliantlyfast-thinkingcomputerengineer,foundarguingforhispointofviewanengagingactivity,because itmadehimthinkonhis feet.Hewasgreatat it, andoftenfoundotherpeopleatworkaskinghimtomaketheirargumentsforthem.Buthenoticedthatgettingintothoseargumentstotallyexhaustedhim,evenwhenhe“won.”Hewasnotacontentiousperson,andthoughitseemedfunatthetimetooutwitothers,healwaysfeltterriblewhenitwasover.Energyisalsouniqueinthatitcangonegative—someactivitiescanactuallysucktheliferightoutofusandsendusdrainedintowhatevercomesnext.Boredomisabigenergy-suck,butit’smuch easier to recover from boredom than from being de-energized, so it’simportanttopayspecificattentiontoyourenergylevels.

It’sAboutJoy

After working on hisGoodTime Journal and paying attention towhen hewasengaged,whenhewasinflow,andwhatwasenergizingforhim,Michaelrealizedthat he loved his job as a civil engineer when he was working on difficult andcomplex engineering problems. The times that drained him and made himmiserablewerethosewhenhewasdealingwithdifficultpersonalities,strugglingtocommunicate with others, and performing other administrative tasks anddistractionsthathadnothingtodowiththeintricatetaskofengineering.

Theendresultwasthat,forthefirsttimeinhislife,Michaelwaspayingdetailedattention to what really worked for him. The results were amazing. By simplydiscoveringwhenhewasenjoyinghimselfatworkandwhatcausedhisenergiestoriseandfall,Michaeldiscoveredthatheactuallyenjoyedcivilengineering.Itwasthepeoplestuff,theproposalwriting,andthefeenegotiationsthathehated.Hejusthadtofindawaytocrafthisjobsothathewasdoingmoreofwhathelovedandlessofwhathehated.Insteadofbusinessschool(whichwouldprobablyhavebeenadisaster,andanexpensiveoneatthat),Michaeldecidedtodoubledownonengineering.HeendedupenteringaPh.D.programandisnowahigh-levelcivilandstructuralengineer,whospendshistime,mostlyalone,workingonthekindofcomplexengineeringproblemsthatmakehimreallyhappy.Andhe’sbecomesotechnicallyvaluablethatnooneaskshimtodotheadministrativestuffanymore.Ongooddays,hegoeshomewithmoreenergythanwhenheleftforworkinthemorning.Andthat’saprettygreatwaytowork.

Here’s another key element when you’re wayfinding in life: follow the joy;followwhatengagesandexcitesyou,whatbringsyoualive.Mostpeoplearetaughtthatworkisalwayshardandthatwehavetosufferthroughit.Well,therearepartsofanyjoboranycareerthatarehardandannoying—butifmostofwhatyoudoatworkisnotbringingyoualive,thenit’skillingyou.It’syourcareer,afterall,andyouare going tobe spending a lotof timedoing it—we calculate it at 90,000 to125,000hoursduringthecourseofyourlifetime.Ifit’snotfun,alotofyourlifeisgoingtosuck.

Now, what makes work fun? It’s not what you might think. It’s not oneunendingofficeparty.It’snotgettingpaidalotofmoney.It’snothavingmultipleweeks of paid vacations. Work is fun when you are actually leaning into yourstrengthsandaredeeplyengagedandenergizedbywhatyou’redoing.

WhatAboutPurpose?

Ataboutthisstage,we’reoftenasked,“Well,thisisallgreat,butwheredopurposeand mission come into it? There’s more to life than just being engaged andenergized.IwanttobedoingworkIcareabout,workthat’simportanttomeandthatmatters.”

Wecouldn’tagreemore.That’swhyweaddressedbuildingyourcompass(yourwell-integratedWorkviewandLifeview) inchapter2.Aswesuggested, it’scrucialforyoutoassesshowwellyourworkfitsyourvaluesandpriorities—how coherentyourworkiswithwhoyouareandwhatyoubelieve.Wearenotsuggestingalifesingularlyfocusedonengagementandenergylevel.Wearesuggestingthatfocusedattention on engagement and energy level can provide very helpful clues towayfindingyourpathforward.Lifedesignconsistsofawholesetofideasandtoolsthatworktogetherflexibly.We’llgiveyoulotsofsuggestions,butintheendyou’lldecidewhichthingstofocusonandhowtoorganizeyourlifedesignproject.Nowlet’sgetstartedonyourGoodTimeJournal.

GoodTimeJournalExercise

We’regoingtoaskyoutodoaGoodTimeJournal,asMichaeldid.Justhowyoubuild yours is up to you. You can make your entries all by hand in a boundjournal, or use a three-ring binder with loose sheets, or even do it on yourcomputer(thoughwestronglyrecommendyoutryitbyhand,soyoucansketchinyourjournalorbinder).Themostimportantthingisthatyouactuallydoitandregularly make entries; whatever format you will most enjoy and will use mostoftenisthewaytogo.

TherearetwoelementstotheGoodTimeJournal:

• ActivityLog(whereIrecordwhereI’mengagedandenergized)

• Reflections(whereIdiscoverwhatIamlearning)

TheActivityLogsimply listsyourprimaryactivitiesandhowengaged andenergized youwerebythoseactivities.WerecommendthatyoumakeActivityLogentriesdaily,tobesuretocapturelotsofgoodinformation.Ifeveryfewdays

iseasier,that’sfineaswell,butlogactivitiesatleasttwiceaweekoryou’llmisstoomuch.Ifyou’reusingabinder,youcanmakelogsheetsusingtheworksheetattheendofthischapter,whichhaslittlegaugesforhowengaged andenergizedyouarebyyouractivities(ordownloaditatwww.designingyour.life).Youcanalsojustdrawgauges(orwhateverengagementandenergysymbolsyoulike)intoyourjournalbook.Dowhatworksforyou—justgettheinformationdownonpaper.

Allofusaremotivatedbydifferentkindsofworkactivities.Yourjobistofigureoutwhichonesmotivateyou—withasmuch specificity as youcan. Itwill takeawhiletogetthehangofthis,because,ifyou’relikemostpeople,you’venotbeenpayingdetailed attention to this sortof thing. Sure, there are timeswhenwe allcomehomeattheendofthedayandsay,“Thatwasgreat,”or“Thatsucked,”butweseldomsiftthroughtheparticularsofwhatcontributedtothoseexperiences.Adayismadeupofmanymoments,someofwhicharegreat,someofwhichsuck,andmost of which lie somewhere in between. Your job is to drill down into theparticularsofyourdayandcatchyourselfintheactofhavingagoodtime.

ThesecondelementoftheGoodTimeJournalisreflection,lookingoveryourActivity Log and noticing trends, insights, surprises—anything that is a clue towhatdoesanddoesn’tworkforyou.WerecommenddoingyourActivityLogforatleastthreeweeks,orwhateverperiodoftimeyouneedtobesureyoucaptureallthevariouskindsofactivitiesthatariseinyourcurrentsituation(someactivitiesmayonlycomearoundevery fewweeks).ThenwerecommendthatyoudoyourGoodTimeJournalreflectionweekly,soyourreflectionsarebasedonmorethanjustasingleexperienceofeachactivity.

WriteyourweeklyreflectionsonblankpagesinyourGoodTimeJournal.We’ve included a page from one of Bill’s recentGood Time Journal Activity

Logs.Bill’sreflectionincludedtheseobservations:Henoticed thathisdrawingclassandofficehours reliablycreated flowstates,

and that teaching and “datenight”were the activities that returned significantlymoreenergythantheyconsumed.Doublinguponthoseactivitieswouldcertainlybeonewaytoenergizehisweek.Hisweeklyfacultymeetingissometimesfullofinterestingconversationsandsometimesnot,sohedrewtwoarrowsonhisenergydiagram.Hewasnotsurprisedthatbudgetmeetingssuckedenergyoutofhisday—he’sneverlikedthefiscalsideofthingsmuch(thoughheappreciatesthatthey’recrucial).

Bill adjustedhis schedule to surround these less engagingactivitieswithmore

engagingactivities,andtogivehimselfsmallrewardswhenhecompletes“energy-negative”tasks.Thebestwaytodealwiththeseenergy-negativeactivitiesistomakesure that you are well rested and have the energy reserves needed to “do themright.”Otherwise, youmight find yourself doing them again—costing youmoreenergythantheyshould.

Bill was surprised that coaching master’s students, the students he likes andspendsthemosttimewith,wassuchadrainonhisweek.Afterjournalingabitonthat subject, he discovered two things: (1) he was trying to coach in a badenvironment (the noisy graduate studio) and (2) his coaching interactionwasn’teffective—his students weren’t “getting it.” Those two observations resulted in aredesign of his Tuesday-night class environment (he changed classrooms) and ashift in the coaching structure from meeting one to one with each student tocoaching in small groups, so students could help one another during theinteractions.Thesechangesworkedsowellthatafewweekslaterhewasregularlygoing into flow during coaching sessions. The budgeting still sucked, of course,but it’snot thatbigapartof the job,andthenewcoachingflowmomentshelpmakeitmorebearable.

Bill was using his Good Time Journal primarily to improve his current lifedesign.Michael did the exercise in search of what strategic career path to take.

Theyhadverydifferentgoalsandgotverydifferentresults,butbothusedexactlythesametechnique—payingdetailedattentiontowhatwasengagingandenergizingthem.

ZoomingIn—GettingtotheGoodStuff

Afteraweekortwo,whenyou’vegotadecentbodyofentriesinyourGoodTimeJournalandyou’restartingtonoticesomeinterestingthings,it’stimetozoominandtaketheexercisetothenextlevel.Typically,afteryoustarttogetthehangofpaying more detailed attention to your days, you notice that some of your logentriescouldbemorespecific:youneedtozoomintoseemoreclearly.Theideaisto try to become as precise as possible; the clearer you are onwhat is and isn’tworkingforyou,thebetteryoucansetyourwayfindingdirection.Forinstance…Whatyou initially loggedas“StaffMtg—Enjoyed it foronce today!”might,afteryou’ve looked at it again, be more accurately restated as “Staff Mtg—Felt greatwhenIrephrasedwhatJonsaidandeveryonewent‘Ooooh—exactly!’ ”Thismoreprecise version tells a much more useful story about what specific activity orbehavior engages you. And it opens the door to developing even greater self-awareness.Whenyourentrieshavethatkindofdetailinthem,yourreflectionscanbemore insightful.When journalingyour reflectionon the logentryabout thatstaffmeeting, youmight ask yourself, “Was Imore engagedbyartfully rephrasingJon’s comment (getting the articulation dialed in just right) or by facilitatingconsensus among the staff (being the guywhomade the group’s ‘Nowwe get it!’unifyingmomenthappen)?” If youconclude that artful articulationwas the realsweetspotofthatstaffmeetingmomentforyou,thatimportantinsightcanhelpyoubeon the lookout forcontent-creationopportunitiesovergroup facilitationopportunities. Take this sort of observation and reflection as far as you findhelpful(andnofurther—youdon’twanttogetstuckinyourjournal).

AEIOU

GettinggreatinsightsoutofyourGoodTimeJournalreflectionsisn’talwayseasy,sohere’satooldesignersusetomakedetailedandaccurateobservations—partof

gettinggoodatthecuriositymind-set.It’stheAEIOUmethod3thatprovidesyoufivesetsofquestionsyoucanusewhenreflectingonyourActivityLog.

Activities.Whatwereyouactuallydoing?Wasthisastructuredoranunstructuredactivity? Did you have a specific role to play (team leader) or were you just aparticipant(atthemeeting)?Environments.Ourenvironmenthasaprofoundeffectonouremotionalstate.Youfeelonewayatafootballstadium,anotherinacathedral.Noticewhereyouwerewhenyouwereinvolvedintheactivity.Whatkindofaplacewasit,andhowdiditmakeyoufeel?Interactions. What were you interacting with—people or machines? Was it a newkindofinteractionoroneyouarefamiliarwith?Wasitformalorinformal?Objects.Were you interactingwith anyobjects ordevices—iPadsor smartphones,hockey sticksor sailboats?Whatwere theobjects that createdor supportedyourfeelingengaged?Users. Who else was there, and what role did they play in making it either apositiveoranegativeexperience?

Using AEIOU can really help you to zoom in effectively and discoverspecificallywhatitisthatisorisn’tworkingforyou.Herearetwoexamples:

Lydiaisacontractwriter.Sheworkstohelpexpertsdocumenttheirprocedures inmanuals.Andshe’dcome toconclude that shehatedworking with people—mostly because of how awful she felt aftergoing tomeetings, andhowgreat she feltwhen shegot towrite allday. Shewas wondering how she couldmake a livingwithout evergoingtoameetingagainwhenshedidtheGoodTimeJournalandused the AEIOUmethod.When she zoomed in, she observed thatsheactuallylikedpeoplefine—whenshegottomeetwithonlyoneortwo of them and either work hard on the writing or do rapidbrainstorming on new project ideas (activity). She hated meetingsabout planning, schedules, and business strategy and any meetingwith more than six people in it; she just couldn’t track all thedifferentpointsofview(environment).Sherealizedthatshewasjustanintenseandfocusedworker,andthatherintensitycouldbeeithernurtured or frustrated by other people (users), depending on the

formofcollaboration(interactions).

Basra simply lovedhigher education. It didn’tmatterwhat shewasdoing—if shewasdoing itonauniversity campus, shewas ahappycamper (environment). So shewent toworkat theuniversitywhereshehaddoneherundergraduatedegree.Forfiveorsixyears,shewasveryhappydoinganythingandeverythingfromfund-raisingtonewstudentorientation(activity).Thenitallbegantofade,andshewasnervous that her love affair with education was over. She did aversionoftheGoodTimeJournalandrealizedthatshestilllovedtheuniversity,buthadgottenintothewrongjob.Assheapproachedherthirties, environment alone was not enough; role mattered now.She’dacceptedapromotionthattransferredherfromstudentaffairs—andlotsofinterestingstudentinteractions—tolegalaffairs—andlotsofmeetingswith administrators and lawyers (users), andpaperwork(objects). She figured itout and took a slightdemotion to accept aposition in the housing office, where she once again could haveinteractionsofamoreconstructivenatureandlesspaperwork.

As you work on your reflections in the Good Time Journal, try using thisAEIOUmethod to getmoreoutof yourobservations. It is important to recordwhatevercomesupandnottojudgeyourself—therearenorightorwrongfeelingsaboutyourexperience.The thing to focuson is that thiskindof information isgoingtobeincrediblyhelpfulindesigningyourlife.

MiningtheMountaintop

Your past is waiting to bemined for insights, too—especially yourmountaintopmoments,or“peakexperiences.”Peakexperiencesinourpast—evenourlong-agopast—can be telling. Take some time to reflect on your memories of past peakwork-relatedexperiencesanddoaGoodTimeJournalActivityLogandreflectionon them to see what you find. Those memories have stuck with you for goodreason. You can make a list of those peak experiences, or write them out as a

narrativeorstory.Itcanbeveryenjoyabletoset towordsthestoryofthatgreattime when you were on the team that planned what they’re still calling theUltimateSalesMeeting,orwhenyouwrote theproceduremanual that they stillpassouttonewwritersasthestandardfordoingitright.Havingthenarrativeofyourpeakexperienceswrittendownwillmakeiteasiertoextractfromthosestoriestheactivities thatmost engagedandenergizedyou,and todiscover insights thatyoucanapplytoday.

Usingpastexperienceisparticularlyusefulifyouaren’tcurrentlyinasituationthat lends itself to a successful Good Time Journal exercise, such as if you’rebetweenjobs.It’salsohelpfulifyou’rejustgettingstartedonyourprofessionallifeanddon’tyethavemuchexperience. If so, thinkaboutactivities thatyoudid inother areas of your life (perhaps even decades ago) when you felt that life wasworking.AhistoricalGoodTime Journalonpastprojects from school, summerprograms,volunteerprojects—anythingthatyouwereseriouslyengagedby—canbeuseful.Whenlookingback,dobewareofrevisionisthistory—beingtookindtothegooddaysortoocriticalofthebadtimes.Justtrytobehonest.

EnjoytheJourney

Thisnewwayofnoticingwillhelpguideyouinfindingwhat’snextforyou.LikeLewis and Clark, you are starting to map some of the territory you’ve alreadycovered, and are starting to see new possibilities in the territory ahead. You aremovingfromonelevelofawarenesstoanother,reallyexploringhowthingsmakeyou (not your mom, dad, boss, or spouse) feel. You have started to wayfind—movingfromwhereyouaretothenextpossibleplace.ArmedwithyourcompassandyourGoodTimeJournalinsights,youcandoagreatjobofwayfinding.

Michaelfoundhisway.LewisandClarkfoundtheirway.Youcanfindyourwayaswell.The next step is to generate asmany options as possible, so you have lots to

experimentwithandprototype.Forthat,we’regoingtoneedtodoalittlemindmapping.

TryStuff

GoodTimeJournal

1. Completealogofyourdailyactivities,usingtheworksheetprovided(orinyourownnotebook).Notewhenyouareengagedand/orenergizedandwhatyouaredoingduringthosetimes.Trytodothisdaily,orattheveryleasteveryfewdays.

2. Continuethisdailyloggingforthreeweeks.

3. Attheendofeachweek,jotdownyourreflections—noticewhichactivitiesareengagingandenergizing,andwhichonesarenot.

4. Arethereanysurprisesinyourreflections?

5. Zoominandtrytogetevenmorespecificaboutwhatdoesordoesnotengageandenergizeyou.

6. UsetheAEIOUmethodasneededtohelpyouinyourreflections.

4

GettingUnstuck

Grantwasstuck.Heworkedforamajorcar-rentalcompany,andafterdoinghisGood Time Journal, he realized he was spending the majority of his days inactivities that neither engaged nor energized him. He hated dealing with iratecustomers. He didn’t like completing endless boilerplate contracts. He hatedrecitingthesameexactscripteveryday.Hedidn’tlikehavingtoup-sellcustomersconstantly.Butmostofallhehatedfeelingasifhedidn’tmatter.Hedidn’twantto be a small, unimportant cog in a giant corporatemachine. Grant wanted toworksomeplacewherehecouldleavehismark.Hewantedtohaveinfluence.Hewantedwhathedidtobeimportanttosomeone.Anyone.

Grant didn’t completely hate his job, but he couldn’t think of a single timewhenhehad ever experiencedanything close to a stateof flow.Work equaled akindofdullmisery.Hewatchedtheclock.Hewaitedforhispaycheckeachweek.Andtheweekendscouldn’tcomesoonenoughorlastlongenough.Theonlytimehe liked what he was doing was when he was hiking among the redwoods, orplayingapickupbasketballgamewithhisfriends,orhelpinghisnieceandnephewwiththeirhomework.

Noneofwhichwouldpaythebills.Grantwasabouttobepromotedtostoremanager,andthismadehimfeelmore

stuckthanever.Hehadneverdreamedofworkingforacar-rentalagency,but,nomatter how long and hard he thought about it, he couldn’t come up with arealisticideaforadifferentcareer.Hehadnoideawheretobegin,even.Sure,hewouldlovetobearockstar,oramajor-leaguebaseballplayer.Buthedidn’tsingorplayaninstrument,andhehadbailedoutofLittleLeagueattheageoftwelve.A literature major in college, he had taken the first job that paid more thanminimumwage.Andnowhewastrapped.Grantdidn’twanttoresignhimselftorentingcarsfortherestofhislife,buthefelttherewerenootheroptions.“Someguys are just unlucky,” he thought. “Some guys just aren’tmeant to leave theirmark.”

Grantfeltdefeatedbecausehethoughtthatallhecoulddowaswhathe’dalwaysdone—and because he wasn’t thinking like a designer. Designers know that younevergowithyourfirstidea.Designersknowthatwhenyouchoosefromlotsofoptions you choose better.Manypeople are likeGrant: they get stuck trying tomaketheirfirstideawork.

Grantneededtostartthinkinglikeadesigner.

DysfunctionalBelief:I’mstuck.Reframe:I’mneverstuck,becauseIcanalwaysgeneratealotofideas.

SharonisaparalegalwhoworkedataprestigiouslawfirminBostonuntilshewaslaidoff.NowshespendssixhoursadayontheInternet,lookingforajob.She’sbeendoing this forover a year. She’s completelydemoralized; any shredof self-confidence evaporated longago. In fact,beingaparalegalwasn’thergoal in thefirstplace—itwasherbackupplan.Shewenttobusinessschool,buttheeconomywas in thedumpsterwhen shegraduated in2009. She couldnot finda jobas amarketingexecutive,whichshehadbeentoldwasthe“rightthing”todowithanM.B.A.Like somany, she thought thatdoing the “right thing”wouldmakeherhappy.ButSharonwasn’tremotelyclose tohappy.Thetruth is thatSharonhadno ideawhat she reallywanted out of business school, and this lack of genuineinterestwasprobablyapparenttothepeoplewhointerviewedher.ShehadspentalongtimetryingtodotherightthinginsteadofdoingwhatwasrightforSharon.Ayearintoher jobsearch,shefeltshewasoutofoptions.Shefeltdefeated.ButSharon wasn’t really out of options—she just hadn’t come up with a lot of realoptionsinthefirstplace.

DysfunctionalBelief:Ihavetofindtheonerightidea.Reframe:IneedalotofideassothatIcanexploreanynumberofpossibilitiesformyfuture.

With no idea other than to keep on doing what she was doing, Sharon, likeGrant,wasstuck.

—

MostpeopledothesamethingSharondidwhentheyneedwork:theylookatthejoblistingsandlookforajobthattheythinktheycanget.Thisisoneoftheworstways to get a job, and actually has the lowest success rate (we’ll discuss thephenomenonindetailinchapter7).Thiswayofthinkingisnotdesignthinking;it’s just graspingwhatevermight be in reach, and it’s unlikely to result in long-term satisfaction. If thekids arehungry, thebank is about to forecloseon yourhouse, or you owe a guy named Louie a lot of money, then by all means takewhatever job you can get. But when the wolf has backed off a bit, it’s time towayfind to jobs you might actually want. And don’t worry about being stuck.Designersgetstuckallthetime.Beingstuckcanbealaunchingpadforcreativity.Whenyouthinklikeadesigner,youknowhowtoideate—howto“flare”—tocomeupwithlotsofoptionsforlotsofpossiblefutures.

Look,it’ssimple.Youcan’tknowwhatyouwantuntilyouknowwhatyoumightwant,soyouaregoingtohavetogeneratealotofideasandpossibilities.

Accepttheproblem.Getstuck.Getoverit,andideate,ideate,ideate!

IdeateThis

We’regoingtoaskyoutogetoutoftheboxofbeingrealisticandventureintothewideworldof “what Imightwant.” It’s time to embracebeing stuck.Grantwasstuck.Sharonwas stuck.We’re all stuck in someway in someareasofour lives.That’swhereweneedideation,whichisafancywordforcomingupwithlotsofideas.Wild ideas.Crazy ideas.We’regoingtoteachyouhowtohavemore ideasthanyoueverthoughtpossible.Somanypeoplegetstuckchasingtheirfirstidea,or theperfect idea, or that onebig idea thatwill solve theproblem,will be theanswer,andwilldigthemoutofwhateverholetheyarecurrentlystuckin.That’salot of pressure. Believing that there’s only one idea out there leads to a lot ofpressureandindecision.

“I’mjustnotsure.”“Idon’twanttoblowit.”“Ireallyneedtogetthisright.”“IfIjusthadabetter(theright,akiller)idea,thenallwouldbewell.”Let’sstoprighthere,sowecanbethefirsttotellyouanamazingfact:Allwill

bewell.Itwill.Thoseofusfortunateenoughtoliveinthemodernworldwithaccesstosome

degreeofchoice,freedom,mobility,education,andtechnologyspendmostofourtimeimmersedinaworldobsessedwithoptimization.There’salwaysgottobeabetteridea,abetterway—evenabestway.Thatkindofthinkingisprettydangeroustolifedesign.Thetruthisthatallofushavemorethanonelifeinus.Whenweask our students, “How many lifetimes’ worth of living are there in you?,” theaverage answer is 3.4. And if you accept this idea—that there aremultiple greatdesignsforyourlife,thoughyou’llstillonlygettoliveone—itisratherliberating.Thereisnooneideaforyourlife.Therearemanylivesyoucouldlivehappilyandproductively (no matter how many years old you are), and there are lots ofdifferentpathsyoucouldtaketoliveeachofthoseproductive,amazinglydifferentlives.Sodothemath; thisaddsupto tonsofdifferentpossible ideasyoumighthave.Andwe’regoingtogiveyouthetoolstogeneratesuchideas.

Quantityhasaqualityall itsown.In lifedesign,more isbetter,becausemoreideas equal access to better ideas, and better ideas lead to a better design.Expanding your thinking improves your ability to ideate and allows for moreinnovation. If youwork through lots of ideas, your chances of hitting on somethat can be really energizing for you go up, which increases your chance ofcreatingsomethingthatcanworkandthatyou’lllove.Moreideasalsoequalnewinsights.

Designerslovetoideatebroadlyandwildly.Theylovethecrazyideasasmuchasormorethanthesensibleones.Why?Mostpeoplethinkthatdesignersarejust“outthere”andprefercrazystuffbecausethey’reedgy,avant-garde,dark-sunglass-wearing kinds of people (think berets, cool shoes, and the hippest restaurants).Thatmaybetrue,butit’snotthepoint.Designerslearntohavelotsofwildideasbecause they know that the number one enemy of creativity is judgment. Ourbrainsaresotightlywiredtobecritical,findproblems,andleaptojudgmentthatit’sawonderanyideasevermakeitout!Wehavetodeferjudgmentandsilencetheinnercriticifwewanttogetallourideasout.Ifwedon’t,wemayhaveafewgood

ideas,butthemajoritywillhavebeenlost—silentlyimprisonedbehindthewallofjudgmentourprefrontalcortexhaserectedtosafeguardusfrommakingmistakesorlookingfoolish.Now,welovetheprefrontalcortexandwouldn’tbecaughtinpublicwithoutit,butwedon’twantittakingourideashostageprematurely.Ifwecan get out into the wild idea space, then we know we’ve overcome prematurejudgment.Thecrazyideasmaynotbetheoneswepick(andrarelyare,actually),butoftenafterhavingthecrazyideas,wehavemovedtoanewcreativespace,andwecanseenewandinnovativepossibilitiesthatcanwork.

Solet’sbringonthecrazy.Usually our students find this part of the process to be the most exciting,

engaging,andjustplainfun.Whodoesn’tliketogeneratealotofgreatandcrazyideas?Youmayormaynotthinkthatyouareacreativeperson,butthatdoesn’tmatter. Remember our motto “You Are Here,” and get ready to work withwhatever levelofpersonalcreativityyou thinkyouhave.We’llbuild fromthere.Ourgoalistoenergizeandexpandonyourcapacityforgeneratinglotsandlotsofsolutionstothemyriadproblemsthatcomeupwhenyouaredesigningyourlife.

Asalifedesigner,youneedtoembracetwophilosophies:

1. Youchoosebetterwhenyouhavelotsofgoodideastochoosefrom.

2. Youneverchooseyourfirstsolutiontoanyproblem.

Our minds are generally lazy and like to get rid of problems as quickly aspossible, so theysurroundfirst ideaswitha lotofpositivechemicals tomakeus“fallinlove”withthem.Donotfallinlovewithyourfirstidea.Thisrelationshipalmostneverworksout.Mostoften,ourfirstsolutionsareprettyaverageandnotverycreative.Humanshaveatendencytosuggesttheobviousfirst.Learningtousegreat ideation tools helps you overcome this bias toward the obvious and helpsyouregainasenseofcreativeconfidence.

Even those of you who might think that you are not creative can probablyremember back to a time when you didn’t feel this way. Perhaps it was inkindergarten,orfirstorsecondgrade,whensinging,dancing,anddrawingseemedlike natural forms of self-expression. You were not self-conscious, nor were youjudging whether your drawings were art, or your singing professional, or yourdancingworthy of others’ attention. You felt free to create any natural formofyourownself-expressionwithoutlimits.

Youcanprobablyalsoremember,typicallyinvividdetail,atimewhenateachersaid,“You’renotanartist,youcan’tdraw,”oraclassmatesaid,“Youdancefunny,”or some other adult said, “Stop singing, you’re ruining the song for everyone.”Ouch! We’re sorry if this creativity-killing moment happened to you. And thecreativity-killing moments kept happening in middle school and high school,wheresocialnormstooktheplaceofscoldingadults,andwelearnedtoreininourdifferences for fear of being called out. It’s a wonder that any shred of ourpersonalcreativitysurvivesaswegrowup.

Buttrustus,it’sinthere.We’regoingtohelpyoudiscoverit.

MindMapping

Thefirstideationtechniquewe’regoingtoteachyouiscalledmindmapping.It’sagreattoolforideatingbyyourself,andagreatmethodforgettingunstuck.Mindmappingworks by using simple free association ofwords, one after another, toopenuptheideaspaceandcomeupwithnewsolutions.Thegraphicalnatureofthemethodallowsideasandtheirassociationstobecapturedautomatically.Thistechniqueteachesyoutogeneratelotsofideas,andbecauseitisavisualmethod,itbypassesyourinnerlogical/verbalcensor.

Themind-mappingprocesshasthreesteps:

1. Pickingatopic

2. Makingthemindmap

3. Makingsecondaryconnectionsandcreatingconcepts(mashingitallup)

TheimageaboveisofGrant’smindmap,whichhemadewhilebeingstuckontheproblemofhowto find the“perfect” job.You’ll remember thatwhenGrantlookedover hisGoodTime Journal the only positive experiences he could findhadsomethingtodowithhikingintheredwoodsnearhishouse.Sohedecidedtomind-maparoundthat.YoucanseeheputBEINGOUTDOORS in thecenterofhismindmapanddrewacirclearoundit.Thisisstepone.

Steptwoismakingthemindmap.Forthis,youtaketheoriginalideaandwritedownfiveorsixthingsrelatedtothatidea.Berigorousinwritingdownthefirstwordsthatcometomind.Nowrepeat thisprocesswiththewords inthesecondring.Drawthreeorfourlinesfromeachword,andfree-associatenewwordsrelatedtotheseprompts.Thewordsthatcomeupforyoudonotneedtobeassociatedtothewordsorquestioninthecenter,onlythewordinthesecondring.Repeatthisprocessuntilyouhaveatleastthreeorfourringsofwordassociations.

InGrant’sexample,hewrotedowntravel,hiking,surfing,camping,andnature.

ThesethingsareallrelateddirectlytohisideaofBEINGOUTDOORS.Hethentookeach of those words and created new branches of word associations. HikingremindedGrantofmountains,whichledtoexplorers.TravelledhimtoHawaii,Europe, and backpacking, and Hawaii led him to tropical beaches. France, anassociationwithEurope, tookhimtocrêpes,which tookhimtoNutella,which,thoughinteresting,turnedouttobeadeadend.Butsurfingledtobeaches,whichledto tides,which led tocycles,bicycles,andracing. Italso led to Jamaica, thenthroughUsainBolt(Grant’sbrainturnsouttobemorecreativethanhethought),andontotheideaofexoticlocations.

Thiswholeprocessof creating layers andwordassociations took three to fiveminutes;youwanttogiveyourselfatimelimitsoyoudothisfastandbypassyourinner censor. The next step is to take this random association of words andhighlight a few things that might be interesting (or that jump out at you) andmash them together into a few concepts. Youwant to pick from the very outerlayerorperimeterofthemindmap,becausethatisthestuffthatistwoorthreestepsawayfromyourconsciousthinking.EventhoughbeingoutdoorseventuallytookGranttobicycleracingandUsainBolt,inGrant’shiddenunconsciousthesearealllinkedbacktohisoriginalprompt.Grantpulledouttherandomwordsthatseemed interesting—in this case, explorers, tropical beaches, pirates, kids, exoticlocations, and bicycle racing. Then he took these individual components andmashedthemupintoacoupleofpossibleideas.

Couldheworkpart-timeatanExplorerCampforkidswholikedtheoutdoors?Betteryet,makeitaPirateCampandhaveitatabeach?Howaboutacceptingthepromotionhewasoffered,butonlyiftheylethimmovetoarentalofficenearabeach(helookeditupandfoundthathiscompanyhadanofficeinSantaCruz,California—yes!)?Or, even better, someplace really exotic, likeHawaii, where hecouldcoachataPirateSurfCampforkids(turnsouthiscompanyhadanofficethere, too).Andmaybe, ifheacceptedthepromotion,he’dmakeenoughmoneytoaffordafour-dayworkweeksothathe’dhavesometimeto“explore”someofthesenewideas.

Thisisinnovation.Grantisnolongerstuck.Infact,hehasmoregoodideasthanheknowswhatto

dowith.And,moreimportant,he’sstartingtothinkthatit’snotaboutfindingtheperfectjob,it’saboutmakingthejobhehas“perfect.”Itturnsoutitpaystoworkforamultinationalcar-rentalcompanywithofficesallovertheworld.DoinghismindmapmadeGrantrealizethathehasmoretoworkwiththanhethought,and

hecanusehiscurrentjobasthespringboardtowhat’snext.It’simportanttorememberwhenyoudothisnottocensoryourwords.That’s

whywesuggestyoudoitfast.Justwritedownthefirstwordsthatcometomind.Ifyoucensoryourself,youlimityourpotentialforgeneratingnewandnovelideas.DavidKelley,thefounderofthed.school,saysyouoftenhavetogothroughthewildideastogettotheactionablegoodideas.Sodon’tbeafraidtocomeupwithcrazy stuff. It may be the jumping-off point for something really practical andreallynew.Also,youshouldcreateyourmindmaponabigpieceofpaper.Youarelookingforlotsofideas—somakeyourmapasgraphicandasbigaspossible.Gooutandgetagiantpieceofbutcherpaperoralargewhiteboard,andhavebigideas.

Thebiggerthebetter.

StuckonSteroids:AnchorProblems

There’sacertainclassofproblems—theonesthatjustwon’tgoaway—thatwecallanchorproblems.Likeaphysical anchor, theyholdus inoneplaceandpreventmotion. They keep us stuck, much as Grant and Sharon were stuck with theircareer problems. If we are going to practice good life design, it is important tonoticewhenwearestuckwithananchorproblem.

Davefoundhimselfwithananchorproblem,butitdidn’thavetodowithhiscareer,likeGrantandSharon;thisproblemhitclosertohome.Yousee,Daveisashopkindofguy—as in“workshop.”Hisdad(DavetheThird)wasanincrediblecraftsmanandhadanamazingshop,soofcourseDavehadtohaveacoolshop,too.ButDave is less craftsman andmore fix-it guy, sohedidn’tneedquite thesame shop layout as his dad. This means that, with careful planning andmaintenance, Dave has been able to achieve the all-time garage twofer—a killershopthatstillallowsroomtoparkthecarsinside.

Don’tjudgeDave’sdreams.He loved it andvowedhe’dhave thatkindof garage the restofhis life.And

thenhemovedtothebeach.Andinthatmovehefoundouthehadafifthofhisformer storage space to fit his stuff in. And he found himself with an anchorproblem,ananchorproblemthat’slastedyears.

Forthefirstfewyears,Davehadtorentthreestorageunitsinadditiontofilling

thegarageatthebeach.Onebyone,yearafteryear,hegotridofthestorageunits,butthelastcar-evictingpileofjunkhasneverbeenclearedfromthegarage.Andasfarasgettingtheshopproperly laidout…well,don’task.He’s livedwiththeAll-AmericanGarageDisaster forover fiveyearsnow,andof coursehe’sgotten toousedtoit.Everysummerforfouryears,he’svowedtocleanitoutandgettheshopsetup,buthe’sbeenoverwhelmedeverytime.Thoughhe’sgotavisionofhisold,near-perfectgaragelayout,hefearshe’lljustnevergetthere.Hebeginsinearnest,removing the first layer of old bike parts and VHS tapes, but then he getsdiscouragedattheloomingpile,anddistractshimselfwithsomethingmoredoable—like replacing the alternator in the truck. Fix-it guy strikes again. Then it’sChristmas,withallthoseboxesdownfromtheattic,and…fuhgedaboudit.

Dave isanchoredon thisproblembecausehe’sanchored to theoneandonlysolutionhe’sbeenwillingtoaccept—aperfectcars-plus-workshoplayout.It’ssuchahuge job now, Dave doesn’t even try, so everybody gets to slalom through theobstaclecourseofthegaragewhiletheoceansunandsaltairfadethepaintonthecarsparkedoutside.

The only way Dave can get unanchored from this immovable situation is toreframehissolutionandprototypealittle.Hecould:

1. Reframesothatthegoalisjustaworkbenchandinsidestorageforbikesandcampinggear.

2. Reframesothathestillneedsjustonesmallstorageunit(forlife),andbuybackhisgarageforaboutahundreddollarsamonth.

3. Bemindfulofprocessandbreakitintosmallerprojects:(a)giveawayoldbooksandmusic,(b)reducetoonlyfourbikes,(c)clearthefloorofboxes,(d)cleartheworkbenchofoldprojectdetritus.

Thebigmovehereistogetridoftheimageoftheperfectgarageandreimaginea different result or steps along the way. If Dave keeps the picture of his old,perfect garage (the solution) pasted on that refrigerator door in his mind, he’snevergoingtogetanywhere,becauseit’stoohard.Tooharddoesn’twork.

This isn’t a gravity problem—it’s not impossible. It’s just that Dave’s stuckbecausehe’sanchoredhimselftoasolutionthatcan’twork.

—

Melanie taught sociology at a small liberal-arts college and was impressed bydevelopments in the burgeoning fields of social innovation and socialentrepreneurship thatwere transformingwhat nonprofit organizations could dousinginsightsfromthestart-upandventurecapitalworld.Knowingthatstudentswere really interested innew approaches to social impact, she started teaching acourseandsponsoringsocialinnovationprojects.Itwentgreat,butshewantedtodomore.She longed tomakea lasting impactonhercollegeanddreamedupavisiontofoundanewInstituteforSocialInnovation.

Allsheneededwasfifteenmilliondollarstoendowitproperlyanddoitright.Soshesetaboutthetaskofraisingthemoney.Shedevelopedastrategyandakillerpitch for the idea. Students loved it. Administrators were supportive. Thedevelopmentofficehatedit.

Likemost small colleges,Melanie’s schoolwasunderfundedand struggling tokeep up. Its alumni roster was not overloaded with zillionaires, and thedevelopmentofficevigilantlyguardedrelationshipswiththefewmajordonorsthecollegehad recruited.Melaniewasgivena long“Handsoff!” listof thecollege’skeydonors,includingindividualsandfoundations.Shewasfreetosolicitanyonenotonthelist,butthatwasit.

Thiswasquitea setback,butMelaniehadadreamworthyofher time, soshewent for it.Youcanguess the rest. Shenetworkedandpitched tirelessly for twoyears—andgotnowhere.Shesignedupafewcommitments,buttheywereallwaytoo small. Any big donors she discovered got scooped up by the developmentoffice for other things. Melanie’s goal remained totally out of reach. Withoutaccess to the few strategic donors to the college, she’d never raise the fifteenmillion.

Shewasstuck.Unnecessarily.Melanie believed thatherproblemwas getting fifteenmilliondollars to fund

hersocialinnovationinstitute.Butthatwasn’therproblem;thatwasjustherfirstideaofasolutiontoherproblem,andshegotsoanchoredtothat ideathatshewasmiredinstucknessandfailure.Oh,anddidwementionthatshewasgettingdepressedbyallthisrejection,andthatherteachingwassufferingfromthefund-raisingdistraction,andthathercolleagues,sickoftheMelaniemoneylament,hadbegunavoidingher?Yousee,whenyouanchoryourselftoabadsolution,it justgetsworseandworsewithtime.

Melanie’s real problem was wanting to make a lasting impact on her collegethroughsocialinnovation—notfundinganinstitute.Shemadeaclassicmistakeof

jumpingtoonesolutiontooquickly.Withhelp,Melaniegotunstuckbyadoptinga design thinking mind-set, remembering what her real problem was, andexploringsomeprototypes.Sherealizedthatshe’dcomeupwiththeinstituteidea(and its fifteen-million-dollar price tag) all on her own one day and had neverreallyconsideredalternatives.Sheappliedthemind-setofcuriositytothesituationanddidsomemoreinvestigatingbeforefinallysettlingonjustwhatitwasshewastryingtodo.

She decided to frame an interesting question and talk to lots of people oncampus.Shebeganinterviewingcampusleaders,asking,“Howdoyouthinksocialinnovationcanbeapartofourcollege,andwherewouldwestart?”Shehadlotsofgreat conversations and got lots of ideas. People suggested theme dorms,alternative spring-breakprogramming, a summer internshipprogram, andanewseniorthesisprojectcurriculum.Therewerelotsofwaystomakeaninstitutionalimpactonthecollegewithouthavingtostart(andfund)anewinstitute.Sure,theinstitutewouldbecoolerandbiggerandsexierandwouldmaybeevenhavemoreofanimpact,butitwasalsonearlyimpossible.Theotherideasweremuchcheaperandalsoenlistedmorenewsupporters,soMelaniewasnolongerthesoleadvocateon campus. She formed a joint student-faculty team, and they concluded that asocial-innovationthemedormwasthebestidea.

Sotheyprototypedit.First theycanvassedall theexistingthemedormstoseewhat theyweredoing thatworkedanddidn’twork. In theprocess, theymet thestudentswholikedthenewdormidea.Theteaminvitedthosestudentstoformacluboncampusasafirststep.Theclubranfortwoyearstotestprojects,worktheidea into the campus culture, and build credibility. Then four club membersjointlyappliedtoberesidentassistantsinthesamedormtheirsenioryearandgotthedormmanager’spermissiontorunasocial-innovationpilotprogramthenextyear. It went great, andwas renewed the following year. The year after that, thedormwasofficially themedfor social innovation,Melaniewasnamed its facultyadviser,andtheVPofstudenthousingbecameitsstaunchestadvocate.

By reframing the problem, using curiosity, prototyping, and a little radicalcollaboration,Melaniemadeapermanentchange in thecampuscultureand thehousingsystem.Shehadalastingimpactontheinstitution,withouteverhavingtofundaninstitute.

—

Johnalsohadananchorproblem.EversincehearingaboutitwhenhewasaBoy

Scout,hehaddreamedoftakingthemuletripfromtherimtothebottomoftheGrandCanyon,andpromisedhimselfthatonedayhewoulddoit.Thenlifegotintheway;hehadacareertolaunchandafamilytostart.Noproblem—hewouldmakethetripwithhiswifeandkidsandcreateanawesomefamilymemory.ButbythetimeJohncouldaffordthatvacationforhisfamilyoffive,he’dgrowninsize, too, and now weighed in at 221 pounds. The mule rider limit was 200pounds.Everyspringforfiveyears,Johnwentonadiettotrytogetdownto199poundssohecouldmakethetripthatsummer.Oneyearhedieteddownto212,anotheryear208.Oncehegotto203(well…209fullydressedwithawaterbottle).Hewasgettingbetteratdieting,butnotfastenough.Hiskidsweregettingolderandhad other plans for their summer thanhanging arounddonkeyswith theirparentsforthreedays.

Itneverhappened.Thatfamilymemorydoesn’texist.Johngotanchoredtohisideaaboutthesolution.Ithadtobethemuleride.If

he’d steppedback and recognized thathis one solution, thoughnot impossible,was takingtoo longtoachieveandhada lousychanceofsuccess,hecouldhavesaved it.He couldhave reframed the idea from “Take theGrandCanyonMuleRide”to“SeetheGrandCanyonToptoBottom.”Therewerelotsofwaystodothat—byhelicopter, by river, andby foot. John’s chancesof training successfullyforthehikeupanddownthattrailwereabouttentimesbetterthanhischancesofevertippingthescalesunder200.

The moral to the stories of Dave, Melanie, and John is this: Don’t make adoable problem into an anchor problem by wedding yourself irretrievably to asolutionthatjustisn’tworking.Reframethesolutiontosomeotherpossibilities,prototype those ideas (take some test hikes), and get yourself unstuck. Anchorproblemskeepusstuckbecausewecanonlyseeonesolution—theonewealreadyhave thatdoesn’twork.Anchorproblems arenotonly aboutour current, failedapproach.Theyarereallyaboutthefearthat,nomatterwhatelsewetry,thatwon’tworkeither,andthenwe’llhavetoadmitthatwe’repermanentlystuck—meaningwe’re screwed—and we’d rather be stuck than screwed. Sometimes it is morecomfortable toholdon toour familiar, failed approach to theproblem than toriskaworsefailurebyattemptingthebigchangesthatwethinkwillberequiredtoeliminateit.Thisisaprettycommonbutparadoxicalhumanbehavior.Changeisalwaysuncertain,andthereisnoguaranteeofsuccess,nomatterhowhardyoutry.Itmakessensetobefearful.Thewayforwardistoreducetherisk(andthefear)offailurebydesigninga seriesof smallprototypes to test thewaters. It isokay forprototypes to fail—they are supposed to—but well-designed prototypes teach you

somethingaboutthefuture.Prototypesloweryouranxiety,askinterestingquestions,andgetyoudataabout

the potential of the change that you are trying to accomplish. One of theprinciplesofdesignthinkingisthatyouwantto“failfastandfailforward,”intoyour next step. When you’re stuck with an anchor problem, try reframing thechallenge as an explorationof possibilities (insteadof trying to solve yourhugeproblem in one miraculous leap), then decide to try a series of small, safeprototypes of the change you’d like to see happen. It should result in gettingunstuckandfindingamorecreativeapproachtoyourproblem.Wewilltalkalotmoreaboutprototypinginchapter6.

Beforewe leave the topicof anchorproblems entirely,weneed tomake clearhowtheydifferfromthegravityproblemsmentionedinchapter1.Theyarebothreallynastyproblemtypesthatkeeppeoplestuck,butthey’reentirelydifferentinnature.Ananchorproblemisarealproblem,justahardone.It’sactionable—butwe’vebeenstuckonitsolongorsooftenthatitseemsinsurmountable(whichiswhy such a problem has to be reframed, then opened up with new ideas, thenknockeddowntosizebyprototyping).Gravityproblemsaren’tactuallyproblems.They’recircumstancesthatyoucandonothingtochange.Thereisnosolutiontoa gravity problem—only acceptance and redirection. You can’t defy the laws ofnature, nor dowe live in aworldwhere poets reliablymake amillion dollars ayear.Lifedesignersknowthatifaproblemisn’tactionable,thenit’snotsolvable.Designersmaybeartfulatreframingandinventing,buttheyknowbetterthantogoupagainstthelawsofnatureorthemarketplace.

Weareheretogetyouunstuck.Wewantyoutohavelotsofideasandlotsofoptions.When you have lots of ideas, you can build prototypes of your life and test

themout.That’swhatlifedesignersdo.

MindMappingwithYourGoodTimeJournal

Ifyoudidn’tdoyourGoodTimeJournalinthelastchapter,pleasegobackanddo it now; you are going to need it for this exercise.We are going to do threedifferentmindmaps,eachoneextendingoutatleastthreeorfourlayers,andwithatleastadozenormoreelementsintheoutermostring.

MindMap1—Engagement

MindMap1—Engagement

FromyourGoodTimeJournal,pickoneoftheareasofgreatestinteresttoyou,oran activity during which you were really engaged (e.g., balancing the budget orpitchinganewidea),andmakeitthecenterofyourmap.Thengenerateabunchofconnectedwordsandconcepts,usingthemind-mappingtechnique.

MindMap2—Energy

From your Good Time Journal, pick something you’ve identified as reallyenergizingyouinyourworkandlife(e.g.,artclass,givingfeedbacktocolleagues,health-careaccess,keepingthingsrunningright)andmind-mapthisout.

MindMap3—Flow

FromyourGoodTime Journal,pickoneof theexperienceswhenyouwere inastateofflow,puttheexperienceitselfatthecenterofamindmap,andcompleteyourmappingofyourexperiencewiththisstate(e.g.,speakinginfrontofalargeaudienceorbrainstormingcreativeideas).

Now that you’ve done these three mind maps, we’re going to invent aninteresting,thoughnotnecessarilypractical,lifealternativefromeach.

1. Lookattheouterringofoneofyourmapsandpickthreedisparateitemsthatcatchyoureye.You’llknowwhichonestheyareintuitively—theyshouldliterally“jumpout”atyou.

2. Nowtrytocombinethosethreeitemsintoapossiblejobdescriptionthatwouldbefunandinterestingtoyouandwouldbehelpfultosomeoneelse(again,itneednotbepracticalorappealtolotsofpeopleoremployers).

3. Nameyourroleanddrawanapkinsketchofit(aquickvisualdrawingofwhatitis),liketheoneshownhere.Forexample,whenGrant(whowaslanguishingawayatthecar-rentalagency)didthisexercisebasedonwhenhewasengagedinhislife(hikingin

redwoods,playingpickupbasketball,helpinghisnieceandnephew),heendedupdrawingasketchofhimselfleadingaPirateSurfCampforchildren.

4. Dothisexercisethreetimes—onceforeachofyourmindmaps—makingsurethatthethreeversionsaredifferentfromoneanother.

NowWhat?

Youmightnowbethinking,“Thisisterrific!TherearesomereallycoolideashereIcandefinitelyuse!”Ifso,that’sgreat—butit’snotguaranteedandit’snottypical.

Or…youmighthavecompletedthisandarenowsayingtoyourself,“Well,thatwassilly!Whattheheckisthepointofcomingupwithalltheserandomnonsenseideas?” If that’syou,youdidn’tgetyourmoney’sworthoutof theexercise.Thewholepointwastodeferjudgmentandquietyourinternalproblem-findingcritic.If you never did, you probably found the exercise pretty silly. If that’s you,

welcometotheclubofsmartmodernpeopletryingtodotherightthing(whichistogettherightanswerrightaway).Takeanotherlookatyourwork,andfindoutifyoucanseeitinanewlight,orcomebackandtryagaininafewdays.

Oryoumightbe thinking,“Well, thatwaspretty funand interesting,but I’mnot really surewhat I’m getting out of this yet.” If that sounds like you, you’redoinggreat.Thepointofthisexerciseisn’ttogenerateaspecificresult;it’stogetyourmindgoingallovertheplaceandideatingwithoutjudgment.Bytakingtheexercise all the way to imagining how to combine elements creatively intosurprising rolesor jobs,you’ve successfullymovedoutofproblemsolving (whatdo I do next?) into design thinking (what can I imagine?).Now you’re workingwithadesigner’smind-set,andyou’vegotlotsofimportantideasdownonpaperinacreativeformat.

It’stimetostartthetaskofinnovatingthreerealalternativelives.It’stimeforyourOdysseyPlans.

TryStuff

MindMapping

1. ReviewyourGoodTimeJournalandnoteactivitiesinwhichyouwereengaged,energized,andinflow.

2. Chooseanactivitythatyouwereengagedin,anactivitythatyoufelthighlyenergizedfrom,andsomethingyoudidthatbroughtyouintoflow,andcreatethreemindmaps—oneforeach.

3. Lookattheouterringofeachmindmap,pickthreethingsthatjumpoutatyou,andcreateajobdescriptionfromthem.

4. Createaroleforeachjobdescription,anddrawanapkinsketch.

5

DesignYourLives

Youarelegion.Eachofusismany.Thislifeyouarelivingisoneofmanylivesyouwilllive.Now, we are not talking about reincarnation, or anything with religious

implications.Theplainandsimpletruthisthatyouwilllivemanydifferentlivesinthislifetime.Ifthelifeyouarecurrentlylivingfeelsabitoff,don’tworry;lifedesigngivesyouendlessmulligans.Youcandoitoveratanypoint,atanytime.“Correctionshots”arealwaysallowed.

Working with adults of all ages, we’ve found that where people go wrong(regardless of their age, education, or career path) is thinking they just need tocomeupwithaplanfortheirlivesanditwillbesmoothsailing.Ifonlytheymaketherightchoice(thebest,true,onlychoice),theywillhaveablueprintforwhotheywillbe,whattheywilldo,andhowtheywilllive.It’sapaint-by-numbersapproachto life, but in reality, life is more of an abstract painting—one that’s open tomultipleinterpretations.

Chung was stressing out. He’d worked hard all through his career at UCBerkeley andwas graduatingwithhonors.He expected to go to graduate schooleventually,butwanted tohave someexperience first inhis chosenprofession sothathecouldget themostoutofgrad schooland launchhis careerquickly.Tokeep his options open, Chung applied to six different internship programs,varying fromone to three years in length.Then something awfulhappened.Hewas accepted into four of the six internship programs, including his top threechoices.Gettinginwasn’tawful;itwaswhathappenednext.Totalindecision.Hehad no idea what to do, and no idea how to solve the age-old problem of notknowingwhattodo.

Hewas completely unprepared for getting into his three top choices, and, toexacerbatetheproblem,histhreetopchoiceswerecompletelydifferentfromoneanother.Onewas teaching in ruralAsia, onewas doing paralegal workwith an

anti–sex-slaverynonprofitinBelgium,andonewasdoingresearchatahealth-carethinktankinWashington,D.C.Theywereallgreat,butwhichonetotake?

Chungknewthat thiswasan incredibly importantdecision,becausewherehedidhisinternshipwoulddirecthisgraduatestudies,andwhathegothisgraduatedegreeinwoulddirecthiscareer,andthatwouldsethislifepath.Ifhedidn’tgetitright,heriskedendingupina“secondchoice”life.Buthedidn’tknowwhathisfirstchoicewas.Hedidn’tknowwhichwasbest.

Chungwasmakingaverycommonmistake.Hethoughttherewasonebestwayto spendhis life, andhehad toknowwhat itwasorhe’dbe settling for secondbest—orworse.Butthat’snottrue.Weallcontainenoughenergyandtalentsandintereststolivemanydifferenttypesoflives,allofwhichcouldbeauthenticandinterestingandproductive.Askingwhichlifeisbestisaskingasillyquestion;it’slikeaskingwhetherit’sbettertohavehandsorfeet.

AfterChung came to office hours,Dave asked him, “If you’re having such ahard time picking, are you sure you even have to? If you could do all threeinternships,oneafteranother,howwouldyoulikethat?”Chungreplied,“I’dlovetodothat!Butisthatevenallowed?HowdoIgetpermissiontodoallthree?”

“Justask.You’vegotnothingtolosebyasking.”Hedid,and,tohisgreatsurprise,twooftheorganizationswerewillingtowait;

hecoulddoallthreeoverthenextfiveyearsifhewantedto.ItdawnedonChung,finally,thatthereasonhecouldn’tfigureoutwhichone

was bestwas that therewas nobest. Therewere three great and totally differentpossibilities in front of him.At this point in his life, he could afford to checkthemallout,andthat’swhathedid.

Ofcourse,whatfinallyhappenedwassomethingChunghadneverimaginedatall. During his first, two-year internship, he stayed in contact with his otherundergraduatebuddies, talking andSkyping regularly.After aboutninemonths,allof themexceptChung found themselvesunhappyanddisillusionedwith lifeafter college. That wasn’t so surprising. Leaving college is pretty stressful, andChungwashavingsomestrugglesonthe jobhimself,butwhatwasdifferentwashoweverybodyfeltaboutit.Chunghadlearnedlifedesign.Hehadtoolshecoulduse,andacceptedthattherewasmorethanonehappypathhecouldcharthislifeby. His buddies didn’t have that confidence, so Chung started spending timehelpingeachofthemfigureoutwhattheycoulddonext.Heloveddoingthat.Infact,heloveditsomuchthathedecidedtoinvestigatehowhecoulddothesamekindofhelpingallthetime.Rightafterthatfirstinternship,hecanceledthenext

twoandwenttogradschoolincareercounseling.Afterfinallyacceptingthattherewere at least three great careers he could live into well, he discovered a fourth.That’s the sortof thing thathappenswhenyou stop trying to “get it right” andstartdesigningyourwayforward.

DysfunctionalBelief:Ineedtofigureoutmybestpossiblelife,makeaplan,andthenexecuteit.Reframe:Therearemultiplegreatlives(andplans)withinme,andIgettochoosewhichonetobuildmywayforwardtonext.

EmbraceYourMultiplePersonalities

Oneofthemostpowerfulwaystodesignyour life is todesignyour lives.No,wehaven’thitourheadsandthatisn’tatypo.We’regoingtoaskyoutoimagineandwriteupthreedifferentversionsof thenext fiveyearsofyour life.Wecall theseOdysseyPlans.Whetherornotthreeinterestingvariationsofyournextfiveyearsimmediatelyleapontothescreensinthemultiplexmovietheaterinyourheadornot, we know you’ve got at least three viable and substantially differentpossibilitiesinyou.Wealldo.Everysingleoneofthethousandsofpeoplewe’veworkedwithhasproveduscorrectinthis.Weallhavelotsofliveswithinus.Wecertainlyhavethreeatanyparticularmoment.Ofcourse,wecanonlyliveoutoneata time,butwewantto ideatemultiplevariations inordertochoosecreativelyandgeneratively.

Now, itmay seemadaunting task to comeupwith threedifferentplans,butyoucandoit.Everyonewe’veworkedwithhasdoneit,andsocanyou.Youmaywellhaveapreferredplanalreadyinmind.That’sfine.Youmayevenhaveaplanthat you’ve committed to and that is well under way. That’s fine, too—you stillneedtodevelopthreeOdysseyPlanalternatives.Really.Someofthepeoplewho’vegottenthemostoutofthisexercisearetheoneswhoenteredintoitalreadyhavingalltheanswerstotheirOneTruePlaninplace.Thevalueofconceivingmultipleprototypes in parallel (like these three Odyssey Plans) has been validated byresearchat theStanfordGraduateSchoolofEducation.A team ledbyProfessor

DanSchwartzevaluatedtwogroups.1Onestartedwiththreeideasinparallel,thensubsequentlyhadtwomoreideasonthewaytotheirfinalidea.Thesecondteamstartedwithoneideaandtheniteratedfourmoretimes.Eachteamgeneratedfiveroundsofideas,buttheparallelteamdidmuchbetter—generatingmoreideasandclearly better final solutions. The serial team—who started with just one idea—tendedtokeeprefiningthesameideaoverandover,neverreallyinnovating.Theconclusion is that if your mind starts with multiple ideas in parallel, it is notprematurelycommittedtoonepathandstaysmoreopenandabletoreceiveandconceivemorenovelinnovations.Designershaveknownthisallalong—youdon’twanttostartwithjustoneidea,oryou’relikelytogetstuckwithit.

TrynottothinkofyourOdysseyPlansas“PlanA,PlanB,andPlanC”—whereAisthereallygoodplanandBistheokayplanandCistheplanthatyoureallyhopeyoudon’tgetstuckwithbutthatyouwouldacceptastolerableifabsolutelynecessary. EveryOdyssey Plan is a PlanA, because it’s really you and it’s reallypossible. Odyssey Plans are sketches of possibilities that can animate yourimagination and help you choose which wayfinding direction you will actuallytaketostartprototypingandlivingintonext.

Don’t worry about choosing which alternative life you are going to live. Wehave great ideas and tools for the difficult task of “choosing,” andwe’ll discussthem in chapter 9.Criteria for choosingwhat’s nextmay be based on availableresources (proximity, time,money), coherence (howthealternative fits intoyourLifeviewandWorkview),yourconfidencelevel(doyoubelieveyoucandothis?),and how much you like it. But first things first. You need to develop thealternatives.

SoManyLives,SoLittleTime

We call these Odyssey Plans because life is an odyssey—an adventurous journeyinto the futurewithhopes and goals, helpers, lovers and antagonists, unknownsandserendipities,allunfoldingovertimeinawaywebothintendatthestartandweavetogetheraswego.Homer2toldtheancientstoryofOdysseusasametaphorfor this life-as-adventure. So we want to take the time now to imaginemultiplewaysyoucouldlaunchthenextchapterofyourlife’sjourney—yourquest.

Wewantyoutocreatethreeverydifferentplansforthenextfiveyearsofyour

life. Why five years? Because two years is too short (makes us nervous that wehaven’t thought farenoughahead)andsevenyears is too long (weknowstuff isgoingtohappentochangethingsbythen).Infact,ifyoulistentopeopletelltheirstories,mostpeople’slivesareactuallylivedasaseriesoftwo-to-four-yearseasonsstrungtogether.Evenimportantlongerperiods(thechild-rearingyears)arebrokenintosubstantiallydistincttwo-to-four-yearchunks—thetoddleryears,thepreschoolyears,thetweenyears,theyearswhentheydon’tspeaktoyou,alsocalledtheteenyears.Fiveyearscoveronegoodfour-yearchunkwithanextrayearofbuffertime.Afterdoingthisexercisemanydifferentwaysandthousandsoftimeswithpeopleofallages,we’reconfidentfiveyearsisaboutright.Justtryit.

Wewant to insist (sincewewon’tbegradingyourhomework) thatyoucreatethreeverydifferentalternativeversionsofyou.Threeplansgiveyourealchoices(alist of three feelsmuch longer than a list of two), andwill stretch your creativemuscleshardenoughthatyou’llknowyoudidn’tjustoptfortheobviousanswer.We want you to come up with three truly different alternatives—not threevariationsonatheme.LivinginacommuneinVermontandlivinginakibbutzinIsraelaren’treallytwoalternatives;they’retwoversionsofthesamealternative.Trytocomeupwiththreereallydifferentideas.

We know you can do this because we’ve seen thousands of people do itsuccessfully, including lots of people who started out convinced they couldn’tpossibly comeupwith three alternative ideas aboutwhat life theymight live. Ifyou’reoneofthosepeople,here’sawaytoquicklycomeupwith“threeversionsofmylife.”

LifeOne—ThatThingYouDo.Yourfirstplaniscenteredonwhatyou’vealreadygotinmind—eitheryourcurrent life expanded forwardor thathot ideayou’vebeennursing for some time.This is the idea you alreadyhave—it’s a goodone and itdeservesattentioninthisexercise.Life Two—That Thing You’d Do If Thing One Were Suddenly Gone. It happens. Somekinds of work come to an end. Almost no onemakes buggy whips or Internetbrowsersanymore.The formerareoutofdateand the latter aregivenaway freewith your operating system, so buggy whips and browsers don’t make for hotcareers. Just imagine that your life one idea is suddenly over or no longer anoption.Whatwouldyoudo?Youcan’tnotmakealiving.Youcan’tdonothing.Whatwouldyoudo?Ifyou’relikemostpeoplewetalkwith,whenyoureallyforceyourimaginationtobelievethatyouhavetomakealivingdoingsomethingotherthandoingThatThingYouDo,you’llcomeupwithsomething.

LifeThree—TheThingYou’dDoortheLifeYou’dLiveIfMoneyorImageWereNoObject.Ifyouknewyoucouldmakeadecentlivingatitandyouknewnoonewouldlaughatyouorthinklessofyoufordoingit—whatwouldyoudo?We’renotsayingyousuddenly canmake a living doing this andwe can’t promise no one will laugh(thoughtheyrarelydo),butwearesayingimaginingthisalternativecanbeaveryusefulpartofyourlifedesignexploration.

—

DavewasspeakingtoayoungMBAstudentrecentlywhowasconvincedthathedidn’thavethreeideasabouthislife.

“Sowhatareyougoingtodo?”DaveaskedtheyoungMBA.“Iwanttogointomanagementconsulting.”“Great,that’syourlifeone,”Davereplied.“Butguesswhat?AlltheCEOsinthe

worldjustgottogetherandconcludedthattheyreallyhadn’tbeenallthathelpedby all those billions of dollars spent on consulting, so they all decided to stopbuyinganymore.Consultingjustdied.What’llyoudonow?”

TheMBAwasshocked.“What!Noconsultingatall?!”“Nope—none.Yougottadosomethingelse.What’sitgonnabe?”“Well, if I couldn’t do consulting, I guess I’d try to work inside a bigmedia

companyworkingonstrategyormarketingcommunications.”“Great!That’syourlifetwo!”When askedwhathe’ddo ifmoneyor imagewerenoobject, and after being

reassuredthatnoonewouldlaughormakefunofhim,theyoungmanproposedhislifethree.

“Well,I’dreallyliketogointowinedistribution.Italwaysseemedalittlesilly,butfranklyitfascinatesmeandI’dlovetotryit.”

“Okay,”saidDave,“thereareyourthreelives.”We’verunthroughasimilardialoguewithpeoplewhowerestuckononlyone

idea for their lives. If you can’t come up with three ideas quickly, just try thisapproachtoyourlifeone,lifetwo,andlifethree,andyou’llprobablyfindyourselfgettingmorethanenoughideas.

Don’tgetstuck.Don’toverthinkit.Butdoreallydoit.It’sanexercisethatwillchangeyourlife.Literally.

OdysseyPlanning101

Createthreealternativeversionsofthenextfiveyearsofyourlife.Eachonemustinclude:

1. Avisual/graphicaltimeline.Includepersonalandnoncareereventsaswell—doyouwanttobemarried,traintowintheCrossFitGames,orlearnhowtobendspoonswithyourmind?

2. Atitleforeachoptionintheformofasix-wordheadlinedescribingtheessenceofthisalternative.

3. Questionsthatthisalternativeisasking—preferablytwoorthree.Agooddesignerasksquestionstotestassumptionsandrevealnewinsights.Ineachpotentialtimeline,youwillinvestigatedifferentpossibilitiesandlearndifferentthingsaboutyourselfandtheworld.Whatkindsofthingswillyouwanttotestandexploreineachalternativeversionofyourlife?

4. Adashboardwhereyoucangauge

a. Resources(Doyouhavetheobjectiveresources—time,money,skill,contacts—youneedtopulloffyourplan?)

b. Likability(Areyouhotorcoldorwarmaboutyourplan?)

c. Confidence(Areyoufeelingfullofconfidence,orprettyuncertainaboutpullingthisoff?)

d. Coherence(Doestheplanmakesensewithinitself?Andisitconsistentwithyou,yourWorkview,andyourLifeview?)

• Possibleconsiderations

° Geography—wherewillyoulive?

° Whatexperience/learningwillyougain?

° Whataretheimpacts/resultsofchoosingthisalternative?

° Whatwilllifelooklike?Whatparticularrole,industry,orcompanydoyouseeyourselfin?

• Otherideas

° Dokeepinmindthingsotherthancareerandmoney.Eventhoughthosethingsareimportant,ifnotcentral,tothedecisivedirectionofyournextfewyears,thereareothercriticalelementsthatyouwanttopayattentionto.

° Anyoftheconsiderationslistedabovecanbeaspringboardforformingyouralternativelivesforthenextfiveyears.Ifyoufindyourselfstuck,trymakingamindmapoutofanyofthedesignconsiderationslistedabove.Don’toverthinkthisexercise,anddon’tskipit.

Forallofus,OdysseyPlanscandefineimportantthingsstilltodoinourlives,and help us remember dreams we may have forgotten. That twelve-year-oldastronaut you once were is still there. Be curious about what else you mightdiscover.Trymakingatleastoneoftheseplansatleastalittlebitwild.Evenifit’ssomething you would never do in your right mind, write down your most far-fetchedandcrazyidea.Maybeit’sgivingupallyourworldlypossessionsandlivingoffthegridinAlaskaorIndia.Maybeit’stakingactingclassesandtryingtomakeit inHollywood.Perhaps it’s becoming an expert skateboarderordevoting yourlifetoadrenaline-producingextremesports.Ormaybeit’shuntingdownthatlong-lostgreat-uncleandfillinginthegapsofyourfamilystory.Youmaywanttododifferentalternativeplansfordifferentareasofyourlife:alternativesforcareer,forlove,forhealth,orforplay.Oryoumaywanttocombinetheseelements.Theonlywrongwaytodothisistonotdoitatall.

Martha’sManyLives

Whatfollowsisanexampleofthreefive-yearOdysseyPlansfromaparticipantinone of our Mid-Career Workshops. Martha is a technology executive who waslookingtotrysomethingmoremeaningfulforthelatterhalfofherlife.Shecameup with three very different plans for her future, each a little more risky andinnovative,butallinvolvingsomekindofcommunitybuilding.

Herthreeplanswere:doingherfirstSiliconValley–stylestart-up,becomingtheCEO of a nonprofit working with at-risk kids, and opening a fun and friendlyneighborhood bar in the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco, where shelived.Notethateachexamplehasasix-wordheadlinedescribingtheplan,afour-gauge dashboard (we really like dashboards), and the three questions that thisparticularalternativeplanisasking.

Example1

Title:“AllIn—TheSiliconValleyStory”

Questions

1. “DoIhavewhatittakestobeanentrepreneur?”

2. “Ismyideagoodenough?”

3. “WillIbeabletoraiseventurecapitalmoney?”

Example2

Title:“UsingWhatIKnow—HelpingKids!”

Questions

1. “Willmyskillstranslatetothenonprofitworld?”

2. “CanIreallyhelpat-riskkidswithanonprofit?”

3. “Willthisbemeaningful?”

Example3

Title:“CreatingCommunity—OneDrinkataTime!”

Questions:

1. “AmIreadytotakethismuchrisk?”

2. “CanIreallycreatetruecommunitywithabar?”

3. “Willthisbeprofitable?”

OdysseyPlanExercise

Nowcomplete three alternative five-yearplansof yourown, oneon eachof thethreeworksheetshereordownloadableatwww.designingyour.life.

SharingtheThreeVersionsofYou

We’regoingtoaskyoutoshareyourOdysseyPlanalternatives.Don’t freakout.There ishugemagic inhavingthreeversionsofyou.Mostly, ithelpsyourealizethat there isn’t a single right answer to what’s next for you. Consider whichalternative rates high on resources, likability, confidence, and coherence.Whichversionofyougivesyouthatjazzy,feel-good,light-my-firekindoffeeling?Whichversionfeelsdraining?

The best way to interactwith your alternatives is to share them aloudwith agroupoffriends—ideally,withyourLifeDesignTeam(seechapter11formoreonteam and community) or the group you are reading this book with, as wesuggestedintheintroduction.Themostfunandeffectivewaytogothroughthelifedesignprocessistodoitinagroupofthreetosixpeople,includingyourself,whomeetasateam.Itcanworkfineiftheonlypersondoinglifedesignisyou,but a group is highly preferable, with everyone both doing the work andsupportingtheothers’lifedesigns.Itmaybeeasierthanyouthinktofindtwotofive other people willing to do this with you. Just give the book away to a fewlikely suspects, get together to discuss it, and see what you find. You may besurprised.Andwe’re not just trying to get you to buymore books (though ourpublisher would be pleased if you did!)—it’s just an easy way to start theconversation.

Inanyevent,whetheryouformaLifeDesignTeamthatmeetsregularlyornot,you’llwanttopresentyourOdysseyPlanstoagroupofsupporterstogetfeedbackand ideas. Youwant to invite peoplewhowill ask goodquestions butnot offercritiquesorunwanted advice.Theground rules for listening are these:Tell yourlistenersnot tocritique, review,oradvise.Youwant themtoreceive, reflect,andamplify.Findtwotofivepeoplewhoare“thereforyou”andwillshowupforaneveningdedicatedtohelpingyoudesignyourlife(orwhoarewillingtoreadthischapter,attheveryleast).Whenit’stimeforquestions,“Tellmemoreabout…”isa

great approach that keeps the inquiry supportive. If you really don’twant to orcan’t find a group to share with, then video yourself presenting your OdysseyPlansandwatchandlistentoyourselfasthoughyouweren’ttheauthor;thenseewhatyouhavetosaytoyourselfandjotdownyourideas.

Lifedesignisaboutgeneratingoptions,andthisexerciseofdesigningmultipleliveswill guide you inwhatever’s next for you. You aren’t designing the rest ofyour life; you are designing what’s next. Every possible version of you holdsunknowns and compromises, each with its own identifiable and unintendedconsequences.Youarenotsomuchfindinganswersinthisexerciseaslearningtoembraceandexplorethequestions,andbecuriousaboutthepossibilities.

Remember,therearemultiplegreatliveswithinyou.Youarelegion.Andyougettochoosewhichprototypetostartworkingonnext.

TryStuff

OdysseyPlan

1. Createthreealternativefive-yearplans,usingtheworksheetprovided.

2. Giveeachalternativeadescriptivesix-wordtitle,andwritedownthreequestionsthatariseoutofeachversionofyou.

3. Completeeachgaugeonthedashboard—rankingeachalternativeforresources,likability,confidence,andcoherence.

4. Presentyourplantoanotherperson,agroup,oryourLifeDesignTeam.Notehoweachalternativeenergizesyou.

6

Prototyping

Clara needed to redesign her life. After thirty-five years of building a successfulcareerasasalesexecutiveinthehi-techworld,shewasdone.AllClaraknewwasthat shewanteda life thatdidn’t involvemeetinga salesquotaeveryquarter. Infact,shedidn’tevenwanttohearthewords“salesquota”everagain.Manyofherfriendshadspentthelasttwodecadesdevelopingsideinterests—hobbiestheywereturning intoprofessions,creative interests theywerenowpursuingfull-time,andvolunteerworkthatgavethemmeaningandpurpose.Allherfriendsseemedtobeleavingtheirprofessionalcareerstopursuesomethingelse—butClaradidn’thavea“somethingelse.”Shehadspentmostofherliferaisingchildrenasasinglemomanddevelopingher career in sales.Herchildrenwereadultsnow,her careerwascomingtoaclose,andClarahadnoideawheretobegin,orwhatmightbenext,sowehelpedherstartfromrightwhereshewasanddesignherwayforward.

Clara’sfriendshadlotsofsuggestionsforher,andmostofthemagreedthattheimportant thingwas to “Just get going! If youdon’thave a good idea, then justpick something and jump in. You’re too young to quit now.Whatever you do,don’tgetstuckboredathome—justcommittosomething.”Thatwaseasyadviceforthemtogive,sinceallofthematleastknewhowtheywantedtoinvesttheirtime.Claradidn’t.Sowheretobegin?Claramadeagreatdecision.Sherecognizedthatitwas good advice to “do something,” but itwas bad advice to “jump in and justcommittosomething”becauseshecouldeasilyfindherselfovercommittedtothewrong thing. What she needed to do was find a way of trying things out firstwithout committing herself to themprematurely. Shewanted to test-drive somepossibilities,getsomerealexperience,butdoitinwateruptoherknees,notoverherhead.

Eventhoughshedidn’thaveaspecificgoalinmindforwhatshe’dlatercallherencorecareer,Claradidhaveonepossibleareaofinterest.She’dbeenoneofthefirstwomenever tosellmainframecomputers forIBMandhadlongconsideredherselfafeminist.Shefigured,“Okay,that’sstillanissueworthworkingon—let’s

lookforsomethingtodowithhelpingwomen.”Fromthatmomenton,shewasactively researching approaches to helping women and keeping her eye out forthingsshecouldtry.Afewweekslater,shewasatherlocalchurchwhenawomanwasgivingatalkaboutmediationandnonviolentcommunicationandhowthesetechniqueswerebeingusedtohelpmotherswithdelinquentchildrenandbatteredwomen inabusivemarriages.Clara introducedherself to thewomanand startedaskingquestionsaboutherwork.Thesesharpquestionsgotherinvitedtoattendthe trainingclassonmediation. Itwasonlya fewhoursaweek, andeven if shepassedthecertificationtestattheend,therewasnoobligation,soshedidittogetsomeexperienceofwhatitwasliketodomediationfortroubledwomen.Shetookthecourseandgotamediationcertificate.

It turned out that there was an opening for a very difficult job, providingmediation services for youth in the juvenile justice system. The position wasfunded only through the calendar year, so they couldn’t promise how long itwouldlast,butthatwasfineforClara.Shewouldbemediatingamongthecourts,the schools, the parents, and the kids, and coming up with an alternative toincarcerationforat-riskchildren.Itwasahardplacetostart,butClarafoundthatherdecadesofdealingwithdifficult salespeople in thehi-techworldmadeheranaturalnegotiatorandproblemsolver.Also,manyof the juvenileoffendershadsinglemoms,andshehada specialplace inherheart forother strugglingsinglemothers. Clara found the offer surprisingly attractive. She was ready to try it—thoughjustpart-time,andjustuntiltheendoftheyear.Shewasstillexploring.

Clara continued searching for ways to get involved in women’s issues, anddiscovered the Women’s Foundation of California (WFC). WFC didn’t doanythingon itsown—it fundedothernonprofits thatwere geared toward awiderangeofsocialjusticeissuesrelatedtowomen.Itwasavantagepointforher“trystuff out” exploration project, so she reached out to the organization. Clara’smediation work impressed the WFC leadership, and she was invited to join.Duringthecourseofthethreeyearsshespentservingthisfoundation,shelearnedaboutgrantwritingandnonprofitfunding,andshealsolearnedagreatdealabouttwenty-sevendifferentnonprofits thatwerehardatwork solving socialproblemsinherregion.

Alongtheway,Clarafoundthatshewasnotdrawntostayinginvolvedinthelegalsystemasamediator(asimportantasthatworkwas),butshewasincreasinglydrawn to the issueofhomelessness,whichhitswomen especiallyhard.ThroughWFC, shemet a philanthropistwhowas the largest benefactor for thehomelessshelter in her hometown. He asked Clara to become a member of the shelter’s

boardofdirectors, and itwas at thatmoment that she realized she’d foundherencore career. She took his offer and dropped everything else. She is now achampion for the homeless in her city, and is pioneering a model to solvehomelessnesslocallyandnationally.

Claradidn’tstartoutwithaplantoworkforthehomeless.Knowingthatshehadn’tfoundaspecificmissiontodirecthersteps,shecarefullyandthoughtfullycraftedaseriesofsmallbutillustrativeexperiencesandinvolvementstodesignherway forward.Herpath to“homeless champion” (which,by theway,hasbecomeher passion) was not a straight line, by anymeans. She designed the life she isliving, stepbystep,by thinking likeadesignerandbuildingherwayforwardbydoing small experiments—prototypes. She trusted that if she kept giving herselfcarefullyselectedhands-onencounters,she’dfindherway.

Shetookaclassonmediation.Shetookthe jobinthe juvenile justicesystem.She joined thewomen’s foundation. She learned about theworldofnonprofits.Shegotinvolvedintheboardforthehomelesscenter.Bydoingthework,meetingthepeople,andchoosingtoexploreheroptionsthroughhands-onexperience,andnot just spending her time reading, thinking, or reflecting in her journal aboutwhat she should or could do next, Clara found her encore career. It was onlythroughlifedesignthatshewasabletodiscoverafuturethathadbeennotonlyunknowable,butalsounimaginable.Claradidit,andyoucan,too.

DysfunctionalBelief:IfIcomprehensivelyresearchthebestdataforallaspectsofmyplan,I’llbefine.Reframe:Ishouldbuildprototypestoexplorequestionsaboutmyalternatives.

Prototyping—WhyandHow

“Buildingisthinking”isaphraseyouwilloftenheararoundtheDesignProgramatStanford.Whenthatideaiscoupledwiththebias-to-actionmind-set,yougetalotofbuildingandthinking.Ifyouaskpeoplewhattheyaredoing,theywilltellyou that they are building prototypes. Theymight be prototyping new productideas,newconsumerexperiences,ornewservices.AtStanford,webelieveanything

canbeprototyped,fromaphysicalobjecttopublicpolicy.Prototypingissuchanintegralpartofdesign thinking that itmightbeworthwhile to stepbacka littleandmakesurethatthe“why”ofprototypingisaswellunderstoodasthe“how.”

Whenyouaretryingtosolveaproblem,anyproblem,youtypicallystartwithwhatyouknowabouttheproblem:youstartwiththedata.Youneedenoughdatasothatyoucanunderstandwhatcauseswhat,andwhatislikelytohappenwhensomethingelsehappens.

Unfortunately,whenyouaredesigningyour life, youdon’thavea lotofdataavailable,especiallyreliabledataaboutyourfuture.Youhavetoacceptthatthisisthe kind ofmessy problem in which traditional cause-and-effect thinking won’twork.Luckily,designershave comeupwith awayof sneakingupon the futurethroughprototyping.

When we use the term “prototyping” in design thinking, we do not meanmaking something to check whether your solution is right. We don’t meancreatingarepresentationofacompleteddesign,nordowemeanmakingjustonething (designersmake lots of prototypes—never justaprototype).Prototyping the lifedesign way is all about asking good questions, outing our hidden biases andassumptions,iteratingrapidly,andcreatingmomentumforapathwe’dliketotryout.

Prototypes should be designed to ask a question and get some data aboutsomething that you’re interested in. Good prototypes isolate one aspect of aproblemanddesignanexperiencethatallowsyouto“tryout”someversionofapotentially interesting future.Prototypeshelpyouvisualizealternatives inaveryexperiential way. That allows you to imagine your future as if you are alreadyliving it. Creating new experiences through prototyping will give you anopportunitytounderstandwhatanewcareerpathmightfeellike,evenifonlyforanhouroraday.Andprototypinghelpsyouinvolveothersearlyandhelpsbuilda community of folks who are interested in your journey and your life design.Prototypesareagreatwaytostartaconversation,and,moreoftenthannot,onething typically leads to another. Prototypes frequently turn into unexpectedopportunities—theyhelp serendipityhappen.Finally,prototypesallowyou to tryandfailrapidlywithoutoverinvestinginapathbeforeyouhaveanydata.

Our philosophy is that it is always possible to prototype something you areinterestedin.Thebestwaytogetstartedistokeepyourfirstfewprototypesverylow-resolution and very simple. You want to isolate one variable and design aprototypetoanswerthatonequestion.Usewhatyouhaveavailableorcanaskfor,

and be prepared to iterate quickly. And remember that a prototype is not athoughtexperiment;itmustinvolveaphysicalexperienceintheworld.Thedatatomakegooddecisionsare found in the realworld, andprototyping is thebestwaytoengagethatworldandgetthedatayouneedtomoveforward.

Prototyping is also about building empathy and understanding. Ourprototyping process inevitably requires collaboration, working with others.Everyone isona journey, andyourprototype encounterswithotherswill revealtheirlifedesignsandgiveyouideasforyourownlife.

So—we prototype to ask good questions, create experiences, reveal ourassumptions,failfast,failforward,sneakuponthefuture,andbuildempathyforourselves andothers.Once youaccept that this is really theonlyway to get thedatayouneed,prototypingbecomesan integralpartof your lifedesignprocess.Notonlyisittruethatdoingprototypingisagoodidea;it’sequallytruethatnotprototypingisabadandsometimesverycostlyidea.

SlowandSteady

Elisedidn’tneedtoprototype—shewasreadytogo.Afterspendingyearsworkinginhumanresourcedepartmentsinlargecorporations,Elisewasreadyforachange.A big change. Now. She loved food, especially Italian food, and she loved theexperiencesshe’dhadinsmallcafésanddelimarketsinTuscany.ItwasherdreamtorunagreatItaliandeliwithasmallcaféinsidethatservedwonderfulcoffeeandauthentic Tuscan food. She decided to go for it. She had saved enough to getstarted, collected all the recipes she needed, researched the best place near herhometolocatesuchabusiness,anddidit.Sherentedaplace,totallyrenovatedit,stockeditwiththebestproducts,andopenedtogreatfanfare.Itwasanimmenseamountofwork, and itwas a roaring success.Everyone loved it. Shewasbusierthanever.Andinnotimeshewasmiserable.

Shehadn’tprototypedher idea at all. Shedidn’t sneakuponher future. Shejumpedoutoftheplanerightintoit.Shehadn’ttriedoutwhatitwaslikeworkingin a café, day in and day out. She hadn’t discovered that she had assumed thatrunningacaféwasthesameasgoingtoacaféorplanningacafé.Shelearnedthehardway that she’s a great café designer and renovationprojectmanager, and alousy deli manager. She didn’t enjoy hiring staff (over and over), or tracking

inventory,ororderingnewstock,anddon’tevenaskaboutthemaintenance.Shewas stuckwith this successful storeanddidn’tknowwhat todo.Eventually, shesolditandwentintorestaurantinteriordesign,butshegottherebyaverypainfulpath.

Howcouldshehaveprototypedheridea?Shecouldhavetriedcateringfirst—aneasybusiness to startupandshutdown (norent, fewemployees, super-portable,noregularhours).ShecouldhavegottenajobbussingtablesatanItaliandelitohaveagoodlookatthedirtyendofthejob,notjustthesexymenuplanning.Shecould have interviewed three happy and three grumpy deli-café owners to learnwhichgroupshewasmore like.WemetEliseafter itwasallover.Weheardherstorywhen shewas taking aLifeDesignWorkshopwithus.After theworkshopshelamented,“Gosh,ifonlyI’dtakentheslowpathofprototypingfirst,I’dhavesavedmyselfsomuchtime!”So,yes,evenifyou’reinarush,werecommendyouprototype your life ideas. You’ll get a better design and save a lot of time anddifficulty.

PrototypeConversations—LifeDesignInterview

Onceyou’vecommittedyourselftolifedesignprototyping,howdoyoudoit?Thesimplestandeasiestformofprototypingisaconversation.We’regoingtodescribeaspecificformofprototypeconversationthatwecallaLifeDesignInterview.

A LifeDesign Interview is incredibly simple. It justmeans getting someone’sstory. Not just anyone and not just any story, of course. You want to talk tosomeonewho is either doing and living what you’re contemplating, or has realexperienceandexpertiseinanareaaboutwhichyouhavequestions.Andthestoryyou’reafteristhepersonalstoryofhowthatpersongottobedoingthatthingheor she does, or got the expertise he has andwhat it’s really like to dowhat shedoes.

Youwanttohearwhatthepersonwhodoeswhatyoumightsomedaywanttodolovesandhatesabouthisjob.Youwanttoknowwhatherdayslooklike,andthenyouwanttoseeifyoucanimagineyourselfdoingthatjob—andlovingit—formonthsandyearsonend.Inadditiontoaskingpeopleabouttheirworkandlife,youwillalsobeabletofindouthowtheygotthere—theircareerpath.Mostpeoplefail not for lackof talent but for lackof imagination. You can get a lot of this

informationbysittingdownwithsomeoneandgettinghisorherstory.That’sLifeDesignInterviewing.Clarahadlotsoftheseconversations,andtheyreallyhelpedher.Elisehadalmostnone,anditreallycosther.

The first thing to know about a LifeDesign Interview is what it’s not—a jobinterview.IfyoufindyourselfinthemiddleofaLifeDesignInterviewandyou’reansweringquestionsortalkingaboutyourselfratherthangettingthestoryofthepersonyou’rewith,stopandflipitaround.Thisiscritical.Ifthepersonyou’reinconversation with misperceives that your meeting is a job interview, then it’s adisaster,andyourLifeDesignInterviewhasfailedorwillfail.It’sallaboutmind-sets.Thinkaboutit:Whensomeonethinksyou’relookingforajob,thefirstthingonhisorhermindactuallyhasnothingtodowithyouatall.Heisthinking,“Dowehaveajobopeningtodiscuss?”Theanswertothatisusuallyno.Somostofthetimeyou’retryingtogetameetingandtheotherpersonthinksyou’relookingforajob,youdon’tgettheappointment.Youjustget“No.”Itmayseemlikeaharshand presumptuous rejection, but it’s actually the kindest and most supportivething that person can do. If in fact you are looking for a job and that personhasn’tgotonetogiveorisn’tinfluentialinthehiringprocess,thebestthingshecandoforyouistellyousoandfreeyoutogofindsomeonewithanopeningwhocan actually behelpful to you. It doesn’t feel like an act of kindness (andmostpeopledeliverarejectionpoorly),butthatiswhat’sactuallyhappening.

Ifitturnsouttheanswertothatfirstquestionis“Yes,wedohaveanopeningavailable,”thenthesecondquestionis“Doesshefithere?”Themind-setofajobinterviewiscritiqueandjudgment,andthatisnotthemind-setwe’relookingforifweareafteraninterestingstoryandapersonalconnection.

In fact, a Life Design Interview isn’t an “interview” at all—it’s really just aconversation.So,when trying toget ameetingwith someone, youdon’tuse theterm“interview,”becausethatpersonwillassumeyoumeanajobinterview(unlessyou’reajournalist,andthatwillmakehimevenmorenervous,forotherreasons).All you’re doing here is identifying people who are currently doing things thatyou’reinterestedinandwhosestoriesyouwanttoget.Thisiswayeasierthanyouthink. As soon as you’ve determined that Anna is a cool person doing reallyinterestingwork,youandAnnahavesomethingincommon—youboththinkthatsheandwhatshe’sdoingaretwoofyourfavoritetopics!Theessenceoftherequestforameeting tohave this conversation is: “Hello,Anna, I’msoglad toconnectwith you. John said you were just the person I needed to speak with. I’m veryimpressedwithwhatIknowofyourwork,andI’dlovetohearsomeofyourstory.Might youhave thirtyminutes to spare, at a time andplace convenient to you,

whenIcanbuyyouacupofcoffeeandhearmoreaboutyourexperience?”That’sabout it—really. (And, yes, it’s important tomentionAnna’s respected friend orcolleague John if at all possible. John is the guy whose referral made all thedifference inyour findingAnna, and inherbeingmore inclined to accept yourrequestforcoffee.TherearelotsofAnnasintheworldwhowillhavecoffeewithyouevenifyouweren’treferredbyJohn,but itworksa lotbetter ifyoucangetthat referral. We’ll talk about how to get referrals in chapter 8. It’s callednetworking. Yes, youhave to network to do life design effectively, butmore onthatlater.)

PrototypeExperiences

Prototypeconversationsaregreat;they’reincrediblyinformativeandeasytocomeby.Butyou’regoingtowantmorethanjuststoriesas inputforcomingupwithyour life design. You want actually to experience what “it” is really like—bywatching others do it or, better yet, doing some form of it yourself. Prototypeexperiences allow us to learn through a direct encounter with a possible futureversionofus.Thisexperientialversioncouldinvolvespendingadayshadowingaprofessionalyou’dliketobe(TakeaFriendtoWorkDay),oraone-weekunpaidexploratory project that you create, or a three-month internship (obviously, athree-month internship requires more investment and a larger commitment). Ifyou’ve conducted a good number of prototype conversations using LifeDesignInterviewing, then you will have met people along the way who you may beinterestedinobservingorshadowing.Sothatvarietyofprototypeshouldbeprettyaccessible for you. You just have to ask—and remember, people enjoy beinghelpful. Most people we work with are surprised how well their Life DesignInterviewsgo.Thepeopletheymeetwithreallyseemtoenjoyit.Askingtoshadowsomeoneatwork is amuchbigger favor thana thirty-minute cupof coffee,butafter a dozen or so prototype conversations, you’ll be ready to make a biggerrequest.Tryit—evenifyouhavetotryafewtimes.You’lllearnagreatdeal.

Comingupwithhands-onprototypeexperiences, inwhichyouactuallyget todostuffandnotjusthearaboutstufforwatchstuff,isanevenbiggerchallenge.Butit’swellworththeefforttogetyourhandsdirtyandreallydiscoverhowsomethingfitsyou.Youwouldn’tbuyacarwithoutatestdrive,wouldyou?Butwedothisallthetimewithjobsandlifechanges.It’scrazy,whenyouthinkaboutit.Remember

all the ideas we had that Elise could have tried before she actually bought andopenedadeli—thingslikecateringafewtimesortakingashort-termjobbussingtables? Those are the sorts of ideas you’re looking for. Conceiving prototypeexperienceslikethisisrealdesignworkandisgoingtorequirehavinglotsofideas.Sothis isagreat timetointroducedesignbrainstorming—acollaborativetechniqueforfindinglotsofideas.Herewego.

BrainstormingPrototypeExperiences

LookbackattheOdysseyPlansyoumadeinthepreviouschapter.Wehopethesesparkedsomefutureversionsofyouthatyou’dliketoexplore,andthatyounowhavequestionsthatneedanswers.What’sitlikeworkinginasmallcompanyafteralltheseyearsatHuge,Inc.?Howismanaginganorganicfarmfull-timedifferentfromspendingasummerWOOFing(workingonanorganicfarmasavolunteer)?Whatdo salespeople actuallydo all day, anyway?Take a closer look atwhateverversionofyourOdysseyPlanswascoherent,likable,andexciting,andthatyou’resomewhatconfidentyoucoulddo.Whatareyourquestions?Whatwouldyouliketounderstandbetterbyprototypingtheexperience?

Thisisthechallengewe’regoingtoaddressbybrainstormingsomeprototypableideas.

Justabouteveryonehasdonesomethingcalled“brainstorming”before.Thisisone of those often used and much-abused words that can be used to describeanythingfromastructuredcreativityexercisetojustsittinginaroomandtossingaroundideas.Brainstorming,atechniqueforgeneratinglotsofcreativeandout-of-the-box ideas, was first described by Alex Osborn in a book published in 1953calledApplied Imagination.Hedescribedamethodofgenerating ideas that reliedontworules:generatingalargequantityofideaswithoutconcernforquality,anddeferring judgment so that participants would not censor ideas. Since this earlydescription, brainstorming has become a popular way of generating ideas andinnovationsandhastakenonmanyforms,butallstillobeyOsborn’stworules.

The most common form is group brainstorming. A group of individuals,typicallyfourtosix,gettogether,selectafocalquestionorproblemonwhichtobrainstorm,andthenspendaperiodoftwentyminutestoanhourgeneratingasmanyideasaspossibletosolvetheproblemposedinthefocalquestion.Thegoal

istocomeupwithideasthatcanbeprototypedandtriedintherealworld.Brainstormingrequiresagroupofpeoplewhowanttobehelpfulandwhohave

some practice with the technique. It isn’t easy to find good brainstormers, butonceyouhaveagoodgroup,youcanmakealotofprogressgeneratinglifedesignideasthatyouwanttoprototype.Likegreatimprovisationaljazzmusicians,goodbrainstormerslearntofocusonatopic,buttheycanalsoletgo,bein-the-moment,andimprovise,comingupwithideasthataretrulyoriginal.Ittakespracticeandattention,butonceyoumasterlifedesignbrainstorming,you’llneverrunoutofideasagain.

Life design brainstorming has four steps, and a very structured approach tocomingupwithlotsofprototypableideas.Typically,ifyouarethefacilitatorwhobringsthegrouptogether,youmighthavealreadyframedthebrainstormingtopic.Youwantateamofnofewerthanthreeandrarelymorethansixpeoplewhohaveall volunteered to help. Once the group is convened, the session proceeds asfollows.

1.FramingaGoodQuestion

It is important to frame a good question for a brainstorming session. Thefacilitator uses the process of coming upwith the question as away to create afocus for the group’s energy.When comingupwith thequestion, the facilitatorneedstobeawareofsomeguidelines.

Ifthequestionisn’topen-ended,youwon’tgetveryinterestingresultsandnotmuchvolume.Wetendtostartallofourlifedesignbrainstormswiththephrase“Howmanywayscanwethinkofto…”tomakesurethatwehaven’tlimitedourpotentialoutput.Claracouldhaveorganizedherbrainstormaroundthequestion“Howmanyways canwe thinkof to experiencemaking an impact onwomen’sempowerment?” Before jumping into grad school, Chung could have set up abrainstormsessionasking,“Whatarethefunctionsofcareercounseling,andwhatencounterscanweimaginetorevealwhatdoingeachofthemisreallylike?”

You alsowant tobe carefulnot to include your solution accidentally in yourquestion. This happens all the time with some of Bill’s clients. They want tobrainstorm “ten newways tomake a ladder for a stockroom.” This isn’t a verygood framing question, because a ladder is a solution (and they only want tenideas).Abetterframingwouldbetofocusonwhataladderdoes:“Howmanyways

canwe think of to…give a person access to inventory in high places?” or “Howmanywayscanwethinkofto…giveastockpersonthree-dimensionalmobilityinawarehouse?”Thesequestionsdonotassumethatladdersaretheonlywaytosolvetheproblem,andtheyopenupthesolutionspaceformorecreativeanswers(user-controlledstockroomdrones,anyone?).

Also, be careful that you don’t frame a question so broadly that it ismeaningless.Wesometimessitinonlifedesignbrainstormswherethequestionis“Howmanywayscanwethinkofto…makeBobhappy?”Thisvaguequestionfailsforacoupleofreasons:Firstofall,“happiness”meanstoomanydifferentthingsto different people. And positive psychology tells us that happiness is context-dependent, so,withoutacontext—suchas“mywork”or“mysocial life”—nooneknows where to start. Without some constraints, these types of brainstormingsessionstendtogenerateideasthatareneitherprototypablenorsatisfying.

Mostofthetimewhenpeopletellus“ourbrainstormdidn’twork,”wefindoutthat they framedapoorquestion—eitherone that alreadyassumeda solutionorone thatwas sovague theycouldn’tgetany traction forgenerating ideas.Watchoutforthiswhenyoustarttobrainstormwithourfour-stepmethod.

2.WarmingUp

People need a transition from their hectic, event-driven workday to a state ofrelaxed,creativeattentioniftheyaregoingtodoagoodjobbrainstorming.Peopleneed some support and a transitional activity to move from theiranalytical/criticalbrain to a synthesizing/nonjudgmentalbrain. It’s amind-bodyproblem and it takes some practice to get good atmaking such a transition. Agoodfacilitatortakestheleadandmakessureeveryoneiswarmedupandfeelingcreative.Thisisessentialifthebrainstormisgoingtobehigh-energyandgeneratealotofideas.

You can visit our website, www.designingyour.life, for a list of exercises andimprovisationalgamesthatweuseallthetimewithourstudents.Here’sonequickideathatalwaysworks:giveeveryoneinyourbrainstorminggroupacanofPlay-Doh.Bill’sbeeninlovewithPlay-DohsincehisdaysatthetoycompanyKennerProducts;itisamagicmaterialthatturnsadultsintochildrenagain.Ifyoujustletyour brainstormers play with the Play-Doh while they are brainstorming, weguaranteeyouwillgetmoreandbetterideas.

3.TheBrainstormItself

3.TheBrainstormItself

Aswementioned at the start, brainstorming sessionsneed to be facilitated. Thefacilitator sets up the room and makes sure there are pens and sticky notes orpaper for every participant, and that the space is quiet and comfortable. Thefacilitator also helps frame the question, manages the warm-up, makes sureeverythingthatissaidisrecorded,andmanagestherules.

We recommend that all participants have their own pens and notepads andwrite down their ideas. That way, the group isn’t constrained by how fast thefacilitator can record ideas, and there is less chanceof losing apotentially greatidea.

TheRulesofBrainstorming

1. Goforquantity,notquality.

2. Deferjudgmentanddonotcensorideas.

3. Buildofftheideasofothers.

4. Encouragewildideas.

The“Goforquantity,notquality”rulehelpssetacommongoalforthegroup,anditencouragesalotofpositiveenergy.Agoodbrainstormingteamisbubblingwithideas,andthereisrarelyapauseintheoutput.

Weusethe“Deferjudgmentanddonotcensorideas”ruletomakesurethatthebrainstormingsession isa safeplace tohaveanycrazy idea thatcomes tomind.People fear being judged as silly, and fear shuts down creativity.This rulehelpsmakesurethatdoesn’thappen.

We“Buildoff the ideasofothers” in the samewaya soloist in a jazzquartetriffsoffthemusicalideasofthesoloistbeforehim.Wewanttousethecollectivecreativityofthegroup,andthisruleencouragesthatcreativeinteraction.

We “Encourage wild ideas” not because the wild ideas themselves are useful(theyarerarelyusedinthefinalsort),butbecauseweneedtobreakoutoftheboxoftypicalthinking.WhenyougofaroutoftheboxandspendsometimeinCrazyLand, the ideas that follow tend tobemore innovative andoriginal.Wild ideasoftencontaintheseedsofthemostusefulthingstoprototype.

4.NamingandFramingtheOutcomes

Thisisperhapsthemostimportantpartofabrainstorm,andtheoneactivitythatwenoticemostgroupsleaveout.Theymighttakeacell-phonepictureoftheirwallfullofstickynotes,high-fiveallaround,andthenleave.Theproblemwiththisisthat the information on the wall is pretty fragile, and if it isn’t processed rightaway, the freshness of the ideas and their interconnections get lost. Later,participantsoftenfeelthatnothinghappened,andtheycan’trememberwhatthebrainstormaccomplished.

Ideasshouldbecounted—youwanttobeabletosay,“Wehad141ideas.”Groupsimilarideastogetherbysubjectorcategory,namethosecategories,andframetheresultswithreferencetotheoriginalfocalquestion.Everyuniquecategoryisgivena descriptive and often funny name that captures the essence of that group ofideas.Thenvote.Votingisimportant,andshouldbedonesilently,sothatpeoplearen’t influencingoneanother.Weliketousecoloreddotstocastvotes,andwealsoliketousecategoriessuchas:

• Mostexciting

• Theonewewishwecoulddoifmoneywerenoobject

• Thedarkhorse—probablywon’twork,butifitdid…

• Mostlikelytoleadtoagreatlife

• Ifwecouldignorethelawsofphysics…

Once the voting is complete, the selections are discussed, and potentiallyregroupedandframedagain;thendecisionsaremadeonwhattoprototypefirst.

Attheendofourfour-stepprocess,thegoalistosaysomethinglike“Wehad141ideas,wegroupedthoseintosixcategories,and,basedonourfocalquestion,weselectedeightkillerideastoprototype;thenweprioritizedthelist,andourfirstprototype is…”Often it ispossible tobackoff fromoneof thewild ideas just alittleandturnitintoagreatidea.Let’ssaythatClara’sbrainstormhadthecrazyideaof“Meetwithahundredexperienceddonorstowomen-orientednonprofits.”Claramayhavefeltthatahundredmeetingsweremorethanshewasabletopulloff,butthe ideaofgainingaccess toa largebodyofexperienceandwisdomwasattractive—andpromptedthederivativeideaoflookingforadonorgroup,whichisexactlywhatshefoundintheWomen’sFoundationofCalifornia.

If you follow all four steps and get results like that, your life designbrainstormingwillbemorethanworthit.Thebrainstormwillgenerateenergyandmomentum towardyour goalof comingupwith someprototype experiences toexplore.Itwillalsobeanexerciseyoucanturntowheneveryouneedsomenewideas,somecommunitysupport,orjustalittlemorefuninyourlifewithpeopleyoutrust.

A great way to do this would be to combine yourOdyssey Plan presentationgathering(discussedinchapter5)withaprototypeexperiencebrainstormsession.Yourcollaboratorswillhaveamuchbetter timeif theyareablenotonlytogiveyou feedback but also to contribute directly to your life design with ideas andactionableprototypepossibilities.

TryStuff

Prototyping

1. ReviewyourthreeOdysseyPlansandthequestionsyouwrotedownforeach.

2. Makealistofprototypeconversationsthatmighthelpyouanswerthesequestions.

3. Makealistofprototypeexperiencesthatmighthelpyouanswerthesequestions.

4. Ifyouarestuck,andifyouhavegatheredagoodgroup,haveabrainstormingsessiontocomeupwithpossibilities.(Don’thaveateam?Trymindmapping.)

5. BuildyourprototypesbyactivelyseekingoutLifeDesignInterviewsandexperiences.

7

HowNottoGetaJob

Steve Jobs andBillGates neverwrote résumés,went to career fairs, or struggledoverachieving theperfect tone, in theperfect first sentence,of theperfectcoverletter.Perfectiondoesn’tplaya role in lifedesign,andthere iscertainlynothingperfectaboutthestandardAmericanmodelthat90percentofjobseekersusetogoaboutlookingforajob—atechniquethatsomesayhasasuccessrateoflessthan5percent.That’sright,90percentofusareusingamethodthatmightonlywork5percentofthetime.

Kurt had just completed a two-year fellowship after getting his master’s indesign in our program at Stanford—on top of one he already had fromYale insustainablearchitecture—whenheandhiswife,Sandy,discovered their firstbabywasontheway.TheydecidedtorelocatefromSiliconValleytoAtlanta,Georgia,tostart theirfamilynearSandy’sfolks.Kurtwasfinallyreadyforall thoseshinydegreestogotoworkandprovidehimacareerthathecouldloveandthatwouldpaythebills.Kurtknewhowtothinklikeadesigner,butwhenhefirstarrivedinGeorgia,hefeltheneededtoprovetohimself(andtohiswifeandhisin-laws)thathewasseriousaboutlandingajob—andfast.Sohegotbusy.Hedidhishomework.Hecarefullyfoundjobpostingsintheareathatfithisrésuméwell.Heidentifiedthemostviableopeningsand submitted thirty-eight jobapplications, alongwithhisimpressiverésuméandthirty-eightindividuallycraftedcoverletters.

Heshouldhavebeenbeatingtherecruitersawaywithastickandhavingmorejoboffersthanhecouldcount,butitdidn’tworkthatway.Outofhisthirty-eightapplications,Kurtreceivedterserejectione-mailsfromeightcompaniesandneverheard anything at all from the other thirty. Eight nos and thirty nothings. Nointerviews, no offers, no follow-up calls. He was discouraged, disheartened, andmore than a little concerned about how he was going to support his new babywhenshearrived.AndthiswasaguyeducatedatYaleandStanford.Wheredoesthatleavetherestofus?

Kurt’sfirstapproachiswhatmostpeopledo—whatwecallthestandardmodel

of jobseeking.You lookfora job listingon the Internetoracorporatewebsite,read the jobdescription,decidewhether that’s the “perfect” job for you, submityourrésuméandcoverletter,andwaitaroundforahiringmanagertocallyouforaninterview.Andyoukeepwaiting.

Andwaiting.Stillwaiting.Theproblemisthat52percentofemployershaveadmittedthattheyrespondto

fewerthanhalfofthecandidatesthatapply.1

Thisstandardmodel fails somuchof thetimebecause it isamodelbasedonthemistakenideathatyourperfectjobisouttherewaitingforyou.

MiningtheInternet

The idea that somehow the Internet is the be-all and end-all when it comes tolooking for a jobhas gotten a lot of traction, but it’s yet anotherdysfunctionalbelief.Thisparticulardysfunctionalbeliefleadstoalotoffrustration,withasidedishofdemoralization.

Mostgreat jobs—thosethatfallintothedreamjobcategory—areneverpubliclylisted.Themost interesting start-up jobs—at the companies thatwill somedaybethe next Google or Apple—are not listed on the Internet before they are filled.Companieswithfewer thanfiftyemployeesandnohuman-resourcedepartmentsare often exciting places to work, but they don’t regularly post jobs. Largecompanies typically post theirmost interesting jobs internally only, invisible tomostjobseekers.Manyotherjobsarenotlisteduntilanattempthasbeenmadetofillthemthroughwordofmouthorsocialnetworks.Youdon’tfindthegreatjobsontheInternet.Nomatterwhatyourcousin’sfriend’sbrothertoldyouabouthowhefoundhisjob.

When you are job hunting on the Internet, it takes an inordinate amount oftime to craft a good cover letter,modify your résumé so it fits a particular jobdescription, and manage and keep track of dozens and dozens of onlineapplications.Andafterallthattimeandhardwork,allyouhearbackisawholelotofsilence.Deafeningsilence.PositivefeedbackissoinfrequentwithInternetjob-huntingthatanalreadyunpleasantactivity(lookingforajob)getsevenmoreso.Using the Internet as your only job-finding method is nothing short of

masochistic.We don’t recommend the Internet as your primary job-finding method, but

there are thousands of jobs listed there every week. If you insist on trying togeneratejoboptionsbyminingthepostingsontheInternet,wehaveafewinsidertipsforyoutoimprovethechancesthatyourInternetsearchwillbeproductive.

UnderstandingJobDescriptions

Wehavetogivethehiringmanagersoftheworldsomecredithere;theyallhavegoodintentions.It’sjustthattheprocessdoesn’tworkverywell.Sinceadvertising,interviewing,andhiringarerepeatedhundredsoftimesayearinaveragemid-to-large-sizedcompanies,theycan’tbeallowedtotaketoomuchtime.Noonewantsto miss out on a good candidate, so companies post jobs on the Internet withfairly generic descriptions, looking for as many applications as possible. Andremember, all of this hiring activity occurs in addition to the hiringmanager’sregular job assignment, so listing jobs accurately often doesn’t get the time andfocusedattentionitdeserves.

How many times have you thought, “My résumé is a perfect fit for this jobdescription!”? So you applied, only to get nothing back, not even anacknowledgmentthattheyhaveyourrésumé?Ifyouunderstandacoupleofthingsabout this process from an insider’s point of view, itwillmakemore sense andhurtalittleless.

1. Thejobdescriptiononthewebsiteistypicallynotwrittenbythehiringmanagerorsomeonewhoreallyunderstandsthejob.

2. Thejobdescriptionalmostnevercaptureswhatthejobactuallyrequiresforsuccess.

Toshowyouwhatwemean,let’stakeapartsomecomponentsborrowedfromor inspired by actual job descriptions that we pulled from the Internet. Mostlistingswill have twoor three sections that try todescribewhat the company islookingfor.

Section1:TheSetup

Thisistheheaderofthejobdescription,whichoftencontainssomethinglikethis

CompanyXislookingforacandidate(forjobX)withthefollowing:

• Goodwrittenandverbalcommunicationskills

• Stronganalyticalskills

• Excellentbusinessplanningandreportingskills

• Highlymotivatedandcreative

• Demonstratedabilitytojugglecompetingprioritiesandmovequickly

• Stronginitiative,biasforaction,andameticulouslyhighattentiontodetail

• Innovativeandmarket-savvy

• Apassionforcustomers

These job qualifications are so generic that they really tell you nothing at allaboutthejob.Theyaretheattributes(notskills)ofanygoodemployee.Theyarealsoalmostimpossibletoscreenforbyjustlookingatarésumé.

Section2:Skills

Thegenericattributessectionistypicallyfollowedbyasectionwitharidiculouslydetailedlistofveryspecificeducationalrequirementsandskills.

Excellentcandidatesforthejobwillhavethefollowingexperience:

• Abachelor’s,master’s,orPh.D.withtenyears’experience(doingexactlywhatwedoinourcompany)

• Fivetotenyearsofexperiencewith(someobscurelegacysoftware

programthatwestilluse)

• Threetofiveyearsofexperiencewith(someobscurejob-specifictaskthatonlypeoplewhoworkhereknowhowtodo)

This part of the job description is always based on the skills of the previousjobholder;it’shistorical.Itdoesnottakeintoaccountthepossibilitythatthejobwill change in the future,or that the very specificknowledge requiredwouldbeirrelevantinsixmonths,whenthecompanychangesfromonesoftwareplatformto another. Nor does it account for the fact that office procedures and othermethodsofoperationconstantlyevolveinanyhealthy,growingcompany.

Section3:“WhatMakestheCandidateSpecial”

Wait, we’re not done yet. Our favorite part of job descriptions is where theoverworkedHRpersonorofficemanagerwritingthisthingaccidentallydecidestoletthetruthsneakintothedescriptionandaddsqualificationslike

• Thisroleisnotforthefaintofheart,andonlythosewithaprovenandsuccessfultrackrecordshouldapply.

We call this the “You’d have to be crazy to take this job” qualifier. It reallymeans“Thisjobreallysucks,andonlypeoplewhohaveaproventrackrecordofsurvivingsuckyjobsshouldapply.”

• Lookingfor:superheroeswiththeabilitytoproduceridiculousamountsofworkonludicrouslytightdeadlines.

This“superhero”qualifiershouldbereadas“Thisjobisimpossible,andnoonecandoit.”

• Ontopofyourabilitytocreateelegantandinspiringsolutions,youareinsightfulandpersuasivewhenanalyzinganddiscussingstrategieswithcolleagues.

Wecallthisthe“wishfulthinking”qualifier.We’venevermetajobseekerwhodidn’tthinkheorshewasinsightfulandpersuasive,elegantandinspiring.It’snice

that we all think of ourselves this way, but it’s not much help when you’rescreeningcandidates.

Again,wedidn’tmakeanyofthisup.Wetookthesewordsrightoffofmajorcorporatejobwebsites.Andwedon’tthinkthisisaverysmartwayforcompaniesto act—it’sunlikely that these jobdescriptionswill attractonly thebest-qualifiedcandidates.But,thatsaid,therearewaystoimproveyourchancesofusingInternetjoblistingstofindajobwhenyouknowhowthesethingsarecreated.

FitInBeforeYouStandOut

To get considered for an interview, your résumé has to end up on the top ofsomebody’spile.Sojobnumberoneisto“fitin.”Thisdoesn’tmeanyoushouldsay anything about yourself that isn’t true. It doesmean that, if youwant tobediscovered,youneedtodescribeyourselfwiththesamewords that thecompanyuses. It also means that you don’t want to talk about your amazingmultidisciplinaryskillsetyet—itwillonlyconfusethe“fit”evaluation.

Mostmid-to-large-sizedcompaniesthatusetheInternettocollectrésumésscanthemintoanHRor“talentmanagement”database.Thehiringmanagerneverseestheoriginal.Yourrésuméwillbe“discovered”inakeywordsearchofthedatabase,andthekeywordsusedmostoftencomefromthejobdescription.So,toincreaseyouchanceofbeingdiscovered,usethesamewordsthattheyusedinthefirstpartofthejobdescription.

Thespecificskillsthatarelistedasrequiredareimportant,butoftennotadealmakerorbreaker.Remember,theirdescriptionsarewrittenfromthepointofviewofthecurrentjob,notthefuture.Ifyouhavethosespecificskills,great;addthemtoyourrésumé,wordforword.Ifyoudon’t,listveryspecificskillsthataresimilar.Findwaystodescribethoseskillsthatmightcomeupinakeywordsearchbasedonthejobdescription.

Finally, in the “screening candidates” phase of the hiring process, people arelooking for a skills match. Once you get to the interview, you have to be verycarefultocraftagood“fit”story.Ifyouaretryingoutforasoftballteamandthesoftballmanagerneedsapitcher,that’swhathe’slookingfor.Notacatcher,notarightfielder.Nowisnotthetimetotalkaboutcollectingbaseballcards,winningbaseballtriviacontests,andyourhobbyofmakingbaseball-shapedcakes.Youjust

talkaboutpitching.Inthescreeningphaseoftheprocess,donottalkaboutyourother amazing talents or bring up skills you possess that aren’t part of the jobdescription.Youwillcomeacrossasunfocused.Youmightsoundlikeyouarenotinterestedinthejob.Worseyet,youcomeacrossasabadlistener,becauseyouwillbe perceived as answering a question that hasn’t been asked. There is a time to“stand out” later in the process, but if you do it in the beginning, you will beejectedfromthecandidatepool.

HereisasummaryofourtipstomakeyourInternet jobsearchstrategymoreeffective:

Tip 1: Rewrite your résumé using the same words used in the job posting. Say “goodwritten and verbal communication skills,” not “I’m a good writer and Icommunicatewell”; say“passion for customers,”not“customer-centricattitude.”Youwill improve your chanceof beingdiscovered in a keyword search.Andbegenerous;nowisnotthetimeformodesty.Afterall,whoisn’t“highlymotivated”and“creative”?Tip2:Ifyouhaveaspecificskillthatispostedasrequired,putitinyourrésuméexactlythe

way it is written in the Internet posting. If you don’t have that skill, find a way todescribeyour skill set thatuses the samewords thatwillbe found inakeywordsearch.Tip3:Focusyourrésuméonthejobasdescribed.Evenifthejobdescriptionisn’tveryaccurate, thiswill increasethechancethatyourrésuméwillshowupinasearch.Then focus on the skills that you can offer the company, using their words asoftenaspossible.Focusonwhatyoucandoforthem,notonwhythisjobworksforyou.Donot appear tobe a generalistor amultidisciplinarypersononyourrésumé or in the first interview. Just focus on answering their needs.Once youhavereassuredthemthatyouhavetheskillsrequired,youcanmoveontoimpressthemwithyourdepth.That’showyou“standout.”Tip4:Alwaysbringa fresh,nicelyprintedcopyofyour résumétoan interview.Thiswillprobablybethefirsttimeanyonewillseethecareyouputintodesigningthedarnthing.

There are a coupleofother things tobeawareof if youwant topractice safesurfingon the Internet for jobs.Knowingabout thesecansaveyouhundredsofhoursoffruitlessjobhunting.

TheSuper–JobDescriptionSyndrome

Inourexperience,it’squitecommonforpeopletopostjobqualificationsthatthefolkscurrentlyinthejobcan’tpossiblymeet.Thismanagerialwishfulthinkingisasyndromeaffectingmostof corporateAmerica.Theprocess goes something likethis:

Jane(theemployeewhoquit)wasagreatprogrammanager,but,boy,IwishshehadbeenbetteratX,Y,andZ.Nowthatshe’sgone,let’spostajobfora“SuperJane”andlistallthethingsthatJaneusedtodo,andallthethingswewishshehaddone,andhopeforthebest.

The super–job description is posted, résumés are collected from keywordsearches, and candidates are screened by phone. Interviews are scheduled, andcandidate after candidate is interviewed and rejected because he or she is not a“SuperJane.”Thisisespeciallytruesincenoonewhofitsthenewjobdescriptionwill work for what they used to pay Jane. Interview processes like these areessentiallybroken—theyburnoutboththeinterviewteamandthecandidates,andnobodygetshired.

Asajobseeker,youwanttofindoutassoonasyoucanifyou’reinvolvedinaninterviewprocesslikethis.

Onewayistodosomeresearchandfindouthowlongthejobhasbeenposted.Inagood labormarket, a jobposting shouldneverbeopen formore than fourweeks(sixatthemax).

Another is to findouthowmanypeoplehave alreadybeen interviewed.Bothdata points will give you a sense of what’s going on behind the scenes. It’ssurprisinglynothardtofindthisout.Justaskoneofthepeopleontheinterviewteam. If they are in this situation, they know something is wrong, they arefrustrated,andtheywillprobablytellyou.Andthey’llprobablyconfesstowantingtoleavethecompany.Thishappensmoreoftenthanyouthink!

Inourexperience,ifmorethaneightpeoplehavebeenthroughthewringerandnodecisionshavebeenmade,thehiringprocessisprobablybroken.Thisisasignthatthecompanymaynotbeagreatplacetowork,andyoumightwanttowalkquicklytotheexit.

ThePhantomJobListingSyndrome

Thisisanotherthingtobeonthelookoutfor.Manycompanieshavearulethatbefore they can hire someone for a job they have to post the job description,purportedly tomake sure that the best candidates are identified and hired. Butmanytimesmanagershavealreadyselectedaninternalorexternalcandidatetheywanttohireforthejob.Beinggoodatgettingaroundcorporatebureaucracy,theywriteupaverydetailedjobdescription—onethatmatchestheircandidate’srésuméexactly—postthe“phantom”jobdescription,waittherequiredtwoweeks,doafewcursory interviews,andthenhire thepersontheywantedallalong.Sincethe jobdescription was written to match the preselected candidate’s résumé, the hiringmanagercan“prove”thatheorshehiredthemostqualifiedperson.

These“job”openingsneverreallyexistedatall.Butyoumayhaveseenoneandapplied, thinking itwas real, and thenneverheardback fromthecompany.Or,worse,theywastedyourtimewithacursoryinterviewandthenneverfollowedup.Oneway to tell if this ishappening is to findouthowquickly jobdescriptionschurnonacompany’swebsite. If theyare comingandgoingeveryweekor two,thismightbethereason.

Warning:CoolCompaniesandFalsePositives

There’saparticular issue tobeawareof ifyou’reapplying toacoolcompany—ahot,growing,successfulcompanythateveryonewantstoworkfor.HereinSiliconValley, it’sGoogle,Apple, Facebook, andTwitter—youmayhave heard of them.Cool companies can be found in all healthy industries; you probably know theones in the industries you’re attracted to. The problem is an oversupply of notonly qualified candidates but really great candidates. These companies have farmoretopcandidatesthantheyhaveopenings.Consequently,coolcompanieshavenofearwhatsoeveraboutbeingabletohireterrificpeople.Theironlyfearisthattheymighthireabadcandidate.Ifacompanyerroneouslyconcludessomeoneisagoodcandidatewhenthepersonisreallyjustaverage,that’sa“falsepositive”—andit’sahiringnightmare.

Abadhire is incredibly expensive andpainful. It’s tough to firepeople thesedays(employmentlitigationisatanall-timehigh),andafteryoudo,youstillhave

togothroughthewholesearchprocessagain,andtheimportantworkyouhiredthemfor isn’tgettingdone,andschedulesareslipping,andmoney isbeing lost,and…Thelistgoesonandon.Companieswilldoanythingtheycantoavoidfalsepositives in hiring. This includes being quite tolerant of false negatives—misperceivingthatsomeone’sabadcandidatewhenthepersonisactuallyagreatcandidate.Mistakenly lettingagreatcandidategodoesn’tcostacoolcompanyathing: they have plenty of spare great candidates, so letting a few spill on thegroundisamuchbettermistaketomakethanhiringabadcandidate.Therefore,coolcompanies’hiringprocessesaresometimesratherdraconian.Greatpeoplegetrejected frequently, and oftenwith no idea why. It could happen to you. Thesecompaniesoftencangetpeoplewhoreallyarealmostexactly likewhattheircrazyjob listing is asking for (Iknowwe said thatdoesn’thappen in reality—but coolcompanies distort that reality). So, if you are at all out of alignmentwith theirdesired candidateprofile, or even just a fewdays late getting into line, youmayhavenochance,evenifyou’reagreatcandidatewhowouldbeaterrifichire.Theydon’t care. They don’t have to. It’s not meanness—it’s just a smart businessdecision,grownofnecessitycausedbytheirpopularityandsuccess.

Thisisagravityproblem:youcan’tdoanythingaboutit.Ifyouwanttogoafteroneofthesecoolcompanies,you’rejustgoingtohavetoplaytheirgamebytheirrulesandhopeyou’vegotwhat it takes towin.Remember, theydowant tohiregreatpeople,andthecompanymaybeagreatplacetoworkifyoucanjustpullitoff.Ifyouwanttoworkatacoolcompany,youreallydowanttogetconnectedtopeopleinsidethatcompany,usingtheprototypingconversationswe’vediscussed.A personal connection can help you greatly. You’ll still have to go through thehiring process, but you’ll have some help.We’re not saying you shouldn’t try—manyemployeesatcoolcompanieslovetheirwork,soitmaybeworththeeffort.Butbebrutallyhonestwithyourselfaboutyourchances,andcaveatemptor.

TheWayItShouldBe

One thing that you may have noticed is the conspicuous absence of jobdescriptionsthatsoundlikethis:

• LookingforcandidateswhowouldliketoconnecttheirWorkviewtotheirLifeview

• Lookingforcandidateswhobelievethatgoodworkisfoundthroughtheproperexerciseoftheirsignaturestrengths

• Lookingforcandidateswithhighintegrity,thecapacitytolearnquickly,andhighintrinsicmotivation;wecanteachyoualltherest

Inourperfectworld,that’showitwouldwork.So here’s how it goes: Companies post these tortured job descriptions that

describealmostnothingusefulaboutthejobtothepotentialemployee.Thentheysurround those descriptions with ridiculous comments about superheroes andcourage. None of the job descriptions we found when we went looking on theInternet seemed to address any of the issues we’ve been discussing. They didn’tspeaktothedeeperissuesofwhyweworkorwhatworkisfor.It’sawonderthatanyonewouldwanttoapplyforoneofthesejobs.

Remember,lifedesignersdonotworkongravityproblems.Wearenotgoingto“fix” Internet job postings. But don’t worry. Even though the job descriptionsposted on the Internet are pretty much useless, they still represent a potentialstartingpointinyourconversationwiththeinstitutiontheyrepresent.

Awarenessiskeytolifedesign,andthisistrueespeciallywhenyouaredesigningyour career. If you are aware of the process involved in hiring, in writing jobdescriptions,inreadingrésumés,ininterviewing(fromtheemployer’sperspective),yoursuccessrateingettingajoboffergoeswayup.Empathyisacrucialelementindesignthinking,andhavingempathy—andunderstanding—forthepoorhiringmanagerburiedunderaseaofrésuméswillhelpyouknowhowtodesignamoreeffective jobhunt.Effectiveness ingettinghired involves a simpleyet importantdesignreframe.

DysfunctionalBelief:Youshouldfocusonyourneedtofindajob.Reframe:Youshouldfocusonthehiringmanager’sneedtofindtherightperson.

Thebottomlineisthatthereisnoperfectjobthatyouperfectlyfit,butyoucanmakelotsofjobsperfectenough.

8

DesigningYourDreamJob

DysfunctionalBelief:Mydreamjobisouttherewaiting.Reframe:Youdesignyourdreamjobthroughaprocessofactivelyseekingandco-creatingit.

So,ifyourdreamjobisn’tonthefrontdoorstepwaitingforyouwhenyoucomehome,wheredoyoufindit?Firstofall,let’sclarifythatthereisnodreamjob.Nounicorns.Nofreelunch.Whatyoucanfindouttherearelotsofinterestingjobsinworthwhileorganizationspopulatedbydedicatedandhardworkingpeople tryingtodohonestwork.Therearegoodjobsingoodplaceswithgoodco-workers,andthereareat leastacoupleofthosegoodjobsthatyoucanmakecloseenoughtoperfectsoyoucanreally lovethem.Thosearethe“dreamjobs”wecanhelpyoufind,butalmostallofthemareinvisibletoyounow,becausethey’repartofthehiddenjobmarket.

Aswesaidearlier,wedon’trecommendminingtheInternetforajob.Infact,inthe United States only 20 percent of all the jobs available are posted on theInternet—orpostedanywhere, for thatmatter.Thismeansa full fouroutof fivejobs that are available, are not available through the standard model of jobhunting.It’sastaggeringnumber;nowondersomanypeoplefeelfrustratedandrejectedwhenjobseeking.

Howcanyoubreakintothishiddenjobmarket?Well,youcan’t.Noonecan.There isno such thing as breaking into thehidden jobmarket.Thehidden job

market is the jobmarket that’s only open to people who are already connectedinto the web of professional relationships in which that job resides. This is aninsider’sgame,andit’salmostimpossibletogetinsidethatwebasajobseeker.Butit’s quite possible to crack into the network as a sincerely interested inquirer—someone just looking for the story (not looking for the job). That’s how thisworks.Itisawonderfullyhappyaccidentthattheverybesttechniqueyoucanuseto learn what kind of work you might want to pursue (prototyping with LifeDesignInterviews,asdiscussedinchapter6)isexactlythebest,ifnotonly,waytogetintothehiddenjobmarketinyourfieldofinterest,onceyouknowwhatyouwant.Kurt—theonewithmaster’sdegreesfromYaleandStanford,andthirty-eightcarefully crafted applications with zero offers—was disheartened by his lack ofsuccesswithtraditionaljob-findingmethods.Realizingitwastimetoapplydesignthinkingtohis jobsearch,KurtstoppedapplyingforjobsandbeganconductingLifeDesign Interviews.He conducted fifty-six authentic prototype conversationswithpeoplehewasgenuinely interested inmeeting.Those fifty-sixconversationsresulted in seven different high-quality job offers, and one dream job (the realkind,notthefantasykind)—whichhegot.Henowworksfull-timeforacompanywhere he has flexible hours, a short commute, decentmoney, and work that ismeaningfultohiminthefieldofenvironmentallysustainabledesign.Andhegotaccesstotheopportunitiesthatproducedthosesevenoffersnotbyaskingforajobbutbyaskingforpeople’slifestories—fifty-sixtimes.

Remember,allyou’relookingforfromaLifeDesignInterview(functioningasaprototypeconversation)istolearnaboutaparticularkindofworkorroletohelpyoufindoutifyouwant,atalaterdate,totrytogetajobdoingthatkindofworkyourself. While conducting the conversation, you really are not after the job—you’reafter thestory.“Butwaitaminute,”yousay.“Youjust toldmehowKurtgot seven offers out of his fifty-six LifeDesign Interviews.How’d that happen?Howdoesgettingthestoryturnintogettingthejob?”Goodquestion.Importantquestion.Theanswerissurprisinglysimple.

Mostof the time, theperson talking to youdoes it for you. “Kurt, you seemveryinterestedinwhatwedohere,andfromwhatyou’vesaidsofar,itsoundslikeyouhavetalentswecoulduse.Haveyoueverthoughtofworkingsomeplacelikethis?”

Morethanhalfthetime,whentheapproachwe’rerecommendingresultsinanoffer,theyinitiateit.Youdon’thaveto.Iftheydon’tstartitforyou,youcanaskone question that will convert the conversation from getting their story topursuingajob.

“ThemoreIlearnaboutXYZEnvironmentalandthemorepeopleImeethere,themorefascinatingitbecomes.Iwonder,Allen,whatstepswouldbeinvolvedinexploringhowsomeonelikememightbecomeapartofthisorganization?”

That’sit.Assoonasyouask,“Whatstepswouldbeinvolvedinexploringhowsomeonelikememightbecomeapartofthisorganization?,”Allenknowsit’stimetoshiftgearsandstartthinkingcriticallyaboutyouasacandidate.Itmeanshe’llstartusinghisjudgingbrain,butthat’sokay.It’sgottahappensometime,sowhenthetimeisright—goforit.

Notethatyoudon’tsay,“Wow—thisplaceisgreat!Doyouhaveanyopenings?”Forthereasonsalreadymentioned,theanswerisprobably“No.”The“Whatstepswould be involved in exploring…” question is open-ended (not yes or no) andinvitespossibilitiesfarbeyondjustwhat’savailabletoday.Andifyou’reaskingitof someone like Allen, with whom you’ve established a connection and earnedsome regard, we hope he’s going to give you a candid but supportive reply. Insomecases,Allenmayevensay,“No,wedon’thaveanythingcomingsoonaroundhere,butIthinkyoumightbeagreatfitinoneofourpartnercompanies.HaveyoumetanyoneatGreenSpaceyet?Ithinkyou’dlikewhatthey’redoing.”

Ithappens.Allthetime.Bytheway,insixofthesevenplaceswhereKurtreceivedoffers,hedidn’thave

toaskaboutopenings.He justgot thestoriesof thepeoplehewas interviewing,andtheyaskedhim.Allbutoneoftheoffershegotwereforunlistedjobs—partofthehiddenjobmarket.Thejobthatwaslistedwastheoneheendeduptaking.Butthelistingwasn’tpostedpubliclyuntilafterhe’dalreadyscheduledaLifeDesignInterviewwiththeCEO,whichwentsowellthat,bythetimeitwasposted,hehaditwired.

Oh, and one more little tidbit about Kurt’s story. The final interview at thecompanywherehenowworkswaswith the five-personboardofdirectors.Theirfirst question was “Do you think you can be effective in establishing partnerrelationshipswithinthesustainablearchitecturecommunityhere?Afterall,you’vejustmovedtoGeorgia.”Lookingaroundthetable,Kurthadthehappysurpriseofrecognizing three of the five board members as people he’d already met overcoffee.Heanswered, “Well, I’vealready successfully reachedout to threeofyou.I’dbehappytokeepdoingthatkindofoutreachonbehalfofthisorganization.”Yeah—he nailed the interview. But before any of that, he had to do a lot ofnetworking.

People:TheOtherWorldWideWeb

When Kurt really put his shoulder into the hard work of lining up lots ofprototyping conversations, he had to reach out to all kinds of people to getconnectionsandreferralstothosewhomheneededtomeet.Togetthosereferrals,Kurthad to “network.”Hehad to reachout tohis contacts, and their contacts,andhe evenhad to reachout to strangershe’d identifiedonline.Thenheaskedthosepeoplewhomheshouldbetalkingto—whosestoriesheshouldbegettingifhewantedtolearnmoreaboutsustainablearchitectureintheAtlantaarea.Itwashard.ItwasnotKurt’sfavoritepartoftheprocess(actually,it’snobody’sfavoritepart),butitworked.Andit’sabsolutelynecessary.

Now, a lot of people have an instant aversion to the term “networking.” Itconjures up images of slick, self-interested people manipulating others to getthingstheydon’tdeserve,orhucksterspretendingtocareaboutsomeonejustforthepurposeofusingthatpersontogettosomeoneelse.Thesenegativeimagesarepowerful and reinforcedby lotsof characters in films andnovels, aswell as toomany real people we’ve encountered or heard about. The good news is that,although these stereotypes arenotwithout real-life examples, they areby far theminority.Letusseeifwecanmakeiteasierforyoubygivingadifferentimageofnetworking(areframe).

DysfunctionalBelief:Networkingisjusthustlingpeople—it’sslimy.Reframe:Networkingisjustaskingfordirections.

Think about the last time you were walking down the street in your city ortown, and an unknown car pulled up slowly alongside you. The window rolleddown, and the driver or passenger leaned toward you with an obvious look ofdistress.Now,dependingonwhereyoulive,yourfirst instinctmayhavebeentoduckandtakecover,runscreaming,orpulloutyourcanofpepperspray,butformostofusthefirstinclinationwouldbetoofferhelp.

Thepersoninthecarislostandaskingyoufordirectionstothenearestcoffeeshop, or freeway entrance, or amusement park, or antiques stores.What do youdo? Well, most of us will give them directions if we can. We help them out.

Perhaps they ask you a little about your town, other places theymight want tovisit, or they ask youwhat the service is like at the coffee shop you’ve directedthemto.They leave,andyougoonyourway.Howdoyoufeelwhentheydriveawaywithyourdirectionsandinformation?Doyoufeelused?Areyouoffendedthattheywon’tcallyouthenextdayorbecomeyourfriendonFacebook,orthattheycaremoreaboutgettingtothenearestcoffeeshopthantheycareaboutyou?Ofcoursenot.Youarenotfriends.Youhaven’tenteredintoarelationship.Whatyoudo feel is great abouthavinghelpedanotherhumanbeing.Multiple studiesconfirmthis—mostofuslikebeinghelpful.It’shard-wiredintoourDNA.Wearesocial creatures, andhelpingoneanother isoneof the things thatmakesus feelbest.

Kurt didn’t know his way around the sustainable architecture industry inAtlanta.YoumaynotknowyourwayaroundthenanotechnologycommunityinHongKong,or thecraftbeercrowd inWichita,or theemergency-roomnursingunioninSeattle.Whatdoyoudo?Youaskalocalfordirections.Gettingreferralstopeoplewhosestorieswouldbeusefultohearisjusttheprofessionalequivalentofaskingdirections.Sogoahead—askfordirections.It’s.No.Big.Deal.

“Network”ismorenounthanverb.Thepointisn’tto“do”network-ing;thegoalistoparticipateinthenetwork.Simplyput,itjustmeanstoenterintoaparticularcommunity that’s having a particular conversation (such as sustainablearchitecture). Every domain of human endeavor is held together by a web ofrelationshipsbetweenpeople.Realpeople.Thatwebisthefabricthatundergirds,contains,andholdstogetherthatpartofsociety.TheStanford“network”thatweare a part of holds Stanford together. The SiliconValley “network” is the loosecommunityofWestCoastfolkthatallowstechentrepreneurshiptoflourish.Mostindividuals have both a professional network (of colleagues) and a personalnetwork (of friends and family). The most common way for people to beintroduced across professional networks is by referrals from personal networks.This isn’t favoritism—it’s just communal behavior. The use of personal orprofessionalnetworkstoinitiatenewpeopleintoacommunity’sconversationisagood thing. The network exists to sustain the community of people getting theworkdone—andistheonlywaytogainaccesstothehiddenjobmarket.

Speaking of the World Wide Web, it turns out that networking is one placewheretheInternetreallycantransformyourjobsearch.UsetheInternetnottogetonlinejoblistingsbuttofindandreachouttothepeoplewhosestoriesyouwanttohear.Bella,oneofourstudentswhograduatedafewyearsago,justcalledtotellushowhappyshewas,andhowwell thisapproachhadworkedforher.Shehad

successfullyfiguredoutwhatshewantedtodo(impactinvestinginthedevelopingworld)anddesignedherway to threegreatoffers in that field includingtheonesheacceptedwithaboutique firm she’dneverheardofbefore—and itonly tooktwohundredconversationstodoit.Twohundred.Injustsixmonths.Really.

BellareportedthatshewasabletofindandreachouttowelloverhalfofthosetwohundredbyusingGoogleandLinkedIn.Ofcourseshedidherhomeworkonindividuals and organizations and networked to obtain a personal referralwhenevershecould,butsmartlyleveragingheruseofInternettoolsmadeahugedifference.LinkedInhasutterly transformedour ability to find thepeoplewe’relookingfor.Therearelotsofbooksandonlineprogramstoteachyouhowtobeeffective using these tools (some of the best ones are offered by LinkedInthemselves).Usethem.IfyoubecomeasuperstaratusingLinkedInandGoogle,theInternetcanmakeadifferenceforyou,andwillno longerbe theblackholeintowhichyousubmitcountlessapplications.

FocusonOffers—NotJobs

Every year, the National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE), anonprofit established in 1956, compiles data on new college graduates andemployment, such as the average salaryof recent graduates, top skills employersarelookingfor,andalsowhatgraduatesreportasthetopthingstheyarelookingfor when it comes to a job. Guess what the first consideration was of thegraduatingclassof2014whenlookingforajob.1

Natureofthework.Salaryandthefriendlinessofco-workerscomeinsecondandthird,tocomplete

thiscompletelydysfunctionaljob-seekertrifecta.Theproblemwiththisscenarioisthatthereisnowaytoknowthereal“nature

of the work” before you have gotten very close to actually getting the job. It’simpossible.Sincesomanyjobdescriptionsaredysfunctionalandinaccurate,mostpeople rule out a job as not being “right” for thembefore they’ve even applied(andbeforetheyactuallyknowwhatthey’rerejecting).It’sanastychicken-and-eggproblem that can severely shrink your potential opportunities. That’s why themostimportantreframewhenyouaredesigningyourcareeristhis:youareneverlookingforajob,youarelookingforanoffer.

DysfunctionalBelief:Iamlookingforajob.Reframe:Iampursuinganumberofoffers.

Now, this might not seem like a big distinction at first, but it is critical. Itchanges everything—from what jobs you consider, to how you approach coverlettersandrésumés,tohowyouinterview,tohowyouclosethedealandultimatelygettheopportunitiesyou’relookingfor.Thebiggestimpactofthisreframeisonyourmind-set. It shifts you frombeing apersondecidingwhetherornot you’dtakethisjob(whichyouknownothingabout)tobeingapersonwhoiscurioustofind out what kind of interesting offer you might be able to find in thatorganization. It flips you from judging to exploring, fromnegative to positive—andthat’sahugedifference.

Whenyouare lookingfora job,your focus isonthat job,andyourbehaviortoward getting that job becomes centered around convincing the institution tohireyouandconveyingtothemthatthisisyourabsolute,ultimatejob,whichyouwerebornwanting.Youhavetoconvincethepersonorpeopleinchargeoffillingthatjobthatyouandthejobdescriptionaretheperfectfit(matchmadeinheaven,can’t livewithouteachother,have tobe togetherorelse).Sinceyoudon’t reallyknowmuchabout thenatureof thework, youhave to fake your enthusiasm tomakethisprocesswork.Inotherwords,youeitherlieoryoudon’tapply.

Andnobodylikestolie.But when you are looking for an offer rather than a job—when your goal

switchesfromgettingonejobtogettingasmanyjoboffersaspossible—everythingchanges.Youdon’thavetobedeceptive.Youcanbegenuinelycuriousaboutthejob,becauseitisabsolutelytruethatyouwouldliketheopportunitytoevaluateanoffer. It’s not a matter of semantics; it’s a matter of authenticity. When youreframe the job search into an offer search, you end up being more authentic,energetic, persistent, and playful while you pursue your next position oropportunity.And,ironically,thisendsupmakingyoumorelikelytogettheoffer.People don’t hire résumés; they hire people. People they like. People who areinteresting.Andyouknowwhat typesofpeopleeachofus ismost interested in(whether it’sasapotentialdateorapotentialemployee)—theoneswhoaremostinterestedinus.

It goes back to curiosity—one of the most important life design mind-sets.

Whether you are seeking your first job, changing careers, or choosing an encorecareer, youneed to be genuinely curious.That’swhat prototyping conversationsand prototyping experiences are all about: being open and curious about thepossibilities.Wecallitpursuinglatentwonderfulness.Whatthismeansisthatyouask yourself, “Is there a 20 percent chance there’s something interesting to megoing on somewhere in this organization? Is there a 10 percent chance?” If theanswerisyes,thendon’tyouwanttofindit?Ofcourseyoudo,andthatdesiretofinditallowsyoutoshowgenuinecuriosityandawillingnesstopursuethelatentwonderfulnessinanorganizationyoumayhaveunnecessarilydismissedoutrightasnotbeingafitforyou.

You can’t know the nature of the work until you’ve conducted furtherinvestigation,untilyou’vepursuedtheoffer.Youcan’tknowitfromafaultyjobdescription.Youcan’tknowitbecauseofpreconceivednotionsaboutwhatit’sliketodothatjob,orworkforthatcompany.

Yourarelyknowtoomuchaboutajobbeforeyougettheoffer,sopursuealltheoffers you can. All you need is the possibility that one of themmight be a fit.That’sit,justapossibility.Andmaybesomeday,whentheNACEdoesitsannualstudyofwhatcollegegraduatesarelookingforinajob,thenumberonethingisn’tgoingtobethenatureofthework.It’sgoingtobelatentwonderfulness.It’sgoingtobemoreaboutpossibilitythanpreconception.

TheJobCharmingFairyTale

Kurtenteredintogenuineconversations,andhefoundagoodjobthathe’sbeenable to build into a great job. You can do the same.We know this is hard.Weknow this is a lot of work and is sometimes scary. But it’s also incrediblyinterestingandistheonlywayweknowtocrackthehiddenjobmarket.Tosomedegree, it’s also a numbers game—the more connections you make, the moreprototypesyourun,themoreopportunitieswillturnintooffers.

Considerthealternatives.Thirty-eightapplicationsforzerooffers.Fifty-sixconversationsforsevenoffersandagreatprofessionalnetwork.Whichapproachdoyoulikebetter?It’syourcall.Itismorethanpossibletousedesignthinkingtogetyourfirst job,transform

your current job, design your next job, and create a career that integrates yourWorkview and yourLifeview. In fact,we recommend it, because there is no JobCharmingcomingtorescueyou.Theideathatyourdreamjobalreadyexists,fullyformed,justwaitingforyoutofindit,isafairytale.

Youdesignyour“reallyprettyterrificandsurprisinglyclosetoadream”jobthesamewayyoudesignyourlife—bythinkinglikeadesigner,bygeneratingoptions,byprototyping,andbymakingthebestchoicespossible.

Andbylearningtoliveintothosechoices.

9

ChoosingHappiness

Designingacareerandaliferequiresnotonlythatyouhavelotsofoptionsandgoodalternatives, aswehavediscussed; it also requires the ability tomakegoodchoicesandliveintothosechoiceswithconfidence,whichmeansyouacceptthemanddon’tsecond-guessyourself.Regardlessofwhereyou’vestarted,whatstageoflifeandcareeryouarein,howgreatordireyouperceiveyourcircumstancestobe,wewouldbetourlastdollarthatthereisonegoalyouallhaveinthislifeyouaredesigning:

Happiness.Whodoesn’twanttobehappy?Wewanttobehappy,andwewantourstudents

tobehappy,andwewantyoutobehappy.Inlifedesign,beinghappymeansyouchoosehappiness.Choosing happiness doesn’tmean you should click your heels together three

times while wishing to go to your happy place. The secret to happiness in lifedesignisn’tmakingtherightchoice;it’slearningtochoosewell.

You can do all the work of life design—ideating and prototyping and takingaction—allleadingtosomereallycoolalternativelifedesignplans,butthisdoesn’tguaranteeyouwillbehappyandgetwhatyouwant.Maybeyou’llenduphappyandgettingwhatyouwant,andmaybeyouwon’t.Wesay“maybe”becausebeinghappy and getting what you want are not about future risks and unknowns orwhetheryoupickedtherightalternatives;it’sabouthowyouchooseandhowyouliveyourchoicesoncethey’remade.Allofyourhardworkcanbeundonebypoorchoosing.Notsomuchbymakingthewrongchoice(that’sarisk,but,frankly,notabigone, andusuallyone you can recover from) asby thinkingwrongly aboutyour choosing. Adopting a good, healthy, smart life design choosing process iscritical to ahappyoutcome.Manypeople areusing a choosingmodel that cutsthemselves off from their most important insights and actually prevents themfrom being happy with their choices after they’ve been made. We see it all thetime,andstudiesagree:manypeopleguaranteeanunhappyoutcomebyhowthey

approachthisall-importantdesignstepofchoosing.

DysfunctionalBelief:Tobehappy,Ihavetomaketherightchoice.Reframe:Thereisnorightchoice—onlygoodchoosing.

On the flip side, choosing well almost guarantees a happy and life-givingoutcome,whilesettingyouupformoreoptionsandabetterfuture.

TheLifeDesignChoosingProcess

Inlifedesign,thechoosingprocesshasfoursteps.Firstyougatherandcreatesomeoptions,thenyounarrowdownyourlisttoyourtopalternatives,thenyoufinallychoose, and then, last but not least, you…agonize over that choice. Agonize overwhetheryou’vedonetherightthing.Infact,weencourageyoutospendcountlesshours,days,months,orevendecadesagonizing.

Just kidding. People canwaste years agonizing over the choices they’vemade,butagonizingisatimesuck.Ofcoursewedon’twantyoutoagonize,andthatisnotthefourthstepinthelifedesignchoosingprocess.

Thefourthstepintheprocessisto letgoofourunnecessaryoptionsandmoveon,embracingourchoicefullysothatwecangetthemostfromit.

Weneedtounderstandeachofthesechoosingstepstoappreciatetheimportantdifferencebetweengoodchoosing,whichresults inreliablyhappyoutcomesandmorefutureprospects,andbadchoosing,whichpreconditionsusforanunhappyexperience.

Step1:GatherandCreateOptions

Gathering and creating options is what we’ve been discussing throughout thisbook. Having good insights about yourself, exploring options about where toengage with the world, and prototyping experiences are the ways that your lifedesignprocessgeneratesideas,alternatives,andviableoptionsthatyoucanpursue(allpursued,ofcourse,withacuriousmind-setinwhichyou’relookingforlatentwonderfulness, and approached with a bias to action versus overthinking). Wewon’t spend any more time on option generation here, other than to tell you(again)towriteyourWorkviewandLifeview,tocreatemindmaps,doyourthreeOdysseyPlanalternatives, andprototypeconversationsandexperiences.Youcanusetheseoption-generatingtoolsforanyareaofyourlife.

Step2:NarrowDowntheList

Somepeoplefeeltheydon’thaveenough(orany)options.Otherpeople,andmostdesigners,feelthey’vegottoomany.Ifyou’vegottoofew,thengobacktoallthosesuggestionswe’vealreadymade(stepone),andinvestthetimeneededtocultivatemoreideasandoptions.Itmaytakeweeksormonthstobuildupalistyoureallylike,whichisjustfine.Afterall,it’syourlifewe’redesigninghere,andthisisnotgoingtohappenovernight.

Now,onceyou’vegotaheftylistofoptions,chancesarethatyou’restrugglingwithallthepossibilities.Youlookoverallyourideasandallthesuggestionsother

people have given you and all the things you could possibly do with your life,and…it can feel overwhelming. You find yourself unable to choose—or at leastunable to choosewith confidence—so you figure you’ve done somethingwrong.Youmustnothavedoneenough“homework”andunderstoodyouroptionswellenough.“IfonlyIhadbetter informationandaclearerpictureof theseoptions,I’dknowwhichonetochoose.”Andoffyougotodomoreresearch,interviewing,andprototyping.And itdoesn’twork. Itdoesn’tworkbecause, even thoughnothavingenoughinformationissometimesarealproblem,it’susuallynotthecoreissue.Bythetimemostofusaregettingclosetoanimportantdecision,we’vedoneour homework.Wemay not know everything there is to know—in fact, all ourinvestigating actuallymakes clearer to uswhatwe don’t know thanwhatwe doknow, so we’re pretty suremore research would be helpful—but that’s not it. Ifyou’relikemostofus,thenthereasonyourchoosingprocessisstuckisn’taboutyourknowledge—it’s about the lengthof your list andyour relationshipwith allthoseoptions.Wecanmosteasilymakethispointclearbylookingathowpeoplebuyjam.

Professor Sheena Iyengar from the Columbia Business School is a psycho-economistwhospecializesindecisionmaking.Herfamous“jamstudy”wasdoneusingspecialtyjamsinagrocerystore.Oneweek,theresearcherssetupatableinthe store showing off six different specialty jams (with snazzy flavors like kiwi-orange, strawberry-lavender…you get the idea). Then they watched how theshoppersbehaved—whostoppedtolookand,ofthosewhostopped,whoactuallybought some jam. The first week, with six jams on display, 40 percent of theshoppersstoppedtocheckoutthesixjamsandaboutathirdofthemboughtone—about13percentoftheshoppers.

Afewweekslater,inthesamestore,withthesametimeframe,theresearcherscame back with twenty-four jams. This time, 60 percent of the shoppers in thestorestoppedby—a50percentincreaseoverthesix-jamdisplay!Butwithtwenty-fourjamsondisplay,only3percentoftheshoppersboughtone.

What does this research tell us? First, that we love having options (“Whoa!Twenty-fourjams?!Let’scheckthisout!!”),and,second,thatwecan’tdealwithtoomany of them (“Um…somany…can’t decide; let’s go get some cheese”). In fact,most minds can choose effectively between only three to five options. If we’refaced with more than that, our ability to make a choice begins to wane—manymorethanthatandourabilitytochoosecompletelyfreezes.It’sjustthewayourbrains arewired.We’re attracted tohaving alternatives, andourmodern culturealmostidolizesoptionsfortheirownsake.Getlotsofoptions!Keepyouroptionsopen!Don’tgetlockedin!Wehearthissortofthinkingallthetime,anditseems

tomake sense,but there absolutely canbe toomuchof this goodoption thing.When you toss in the Internet and the fact that we can now bemade aware ofseeminglyevery ideaandactivityon theplanetafter a subsecondGoogle search,mostofusaresufferingapandemicattackoftoomanyoptions.

The key is to reframe your idea of options by realizing that if you have toomany options, you actually have none at all. If you get frozen in front of yourdaunting listofpossibilities, then, in fact, youhavenooptions.Remember thatoptionsonlyactuallycreatevalueinyourlifewhentheyarechosenandrealized.Weoften teachour students thatwhenanoptiongrowsup itbecomesachoice.So,whenyou’vegottwenty-fourjamoptions,youactuallyhavezerooptions.Onceyou understand that, in choice making, twenty-four equals zero (and, boy, is ithardtobelievewhenyouloveyouroptionsandworkedsohardtofindandcomeupwiththem),thenyouarefreetotakethenextstep:narrowingdown.

Sowhat exactly do you dowith toomany options? Simple.Get rid of some.First,ifitturnsoutthatalotofyouroptionsgrouptogetherintocategories,youcanbreakyourlistdownintosmallersublists.Thatmayhelpyougettoyourtopcontenderforeachoptiontype.Buteventuallyyou’llbeinthatoverwhelmed-by-too-many-optionsplaceandhave toget ridofabunchof those jams.How? Justcrossthemoffyourlist.

Ifyou’vegotalistoftwelveoptions,crossoutseven,thenrewriteyourlistwithjusttheremainingfiveonit,andgotostepthree.

Mostofourstudentsandclientsfreakoutatthisidea.“Youcan’tjustcrossoptionsoff!”“WhatifIcrossoutthewrongone?”Weunderstand.Butwe’renotkidding—you just cross themoff.Remember, if

you’vegottoomanyoptions,youreallydon’thaveany,soyou’vegotnothingtolose.Andyouwon’tcrossoffthewrongone.WecallthisthePizza-ChineseEffect.We’veallexperiencedit.Edstickshisheadinyourofficeandsays,“Hey,Paula—we’regoingoutforlunch.Wannacome?”

“Sure!”“We’rechoosingbetweenpizzaandChinesefood—gotapreference?”“Nah—whatever’sgood!”“Okay—we’regettingpizza.”“No,wait.IwantChinese!”In that situation, when you gave your first answer (“whatever’s good”), you

thought you meant it. You didn’t know that you had a preference until anunwanteddecisionoccurredasafaitaccompli.Onlyafterthechoicewasnameddidyou become aware of your preference. So you really can’t lose when you’reshortening your list of options. If you cross out the wrong ones, you’ll knowafterward. You may have to go as far as crossing out seven of the twelve andrewriting that new, clean list of just five before you realize it, but if it’s wrong,you’llknow.Trustuswhenwetellyouthatyoucantrustyourself.Andifyoufindthatyoucan’tchooseamongthefivealternatives,either,checkwhichoftwoverydifferentreasonsmightapply.Themostcommonreasonisthatyou’restilljustinagony over losing those seven other options and are refusing to let them go. Ifthat’s thecase, thendowhateveryouneedto inordertoshortenyour list.Burnthelistofthesevenyourejected,putitalldownforadayortwo,thencomebacktoyourlistoffivelaterandtreatthatlistasthelist(nottheshortenedlist),butdoeventually get going. If, however, you can’t act on your list of five because youreallycan’tfindanypreferencesormeaningfuldistinctionsbetweenthem,then—youwin!Youhave just discovered that you’ve got a can’t-lose situationon yourhands.Thatmeansthatallfiveoptionsarestrategicallyworthwhileforyou,withno real distinctive difference. They will all work for you, which leaves you tochoosebasedonsecondaryconsiderations(thedriveiseasier,thelogoiscool,thestorywillbesexieratcocktailparties).

Thepointisthatyouwanttoleavethestorewithsomejam.

Step3:ChooseDiscerningly

Now—once you’vedone thepreliminaryworkof gathering andnarrowingdown(and, yes, you do want to gather lots of options up front, choice overloadnotwithstanding, because then you’re choosing from thebest list), thehardpartstarts:actuallychoosing.

Tochoosewell,weneedtounderstandhowourbrainsworkintheprocessofchoosing. Where do good choices come from, and how do we know when weknow?Fortunately,wearenowlivinginaneraofunprecedentedprogressinbrainresearch,andwe’re learning tonsabouthowwe think, remember,anddecide. In1990,JohnMayerandPeterSaloveywrotetheseminalscholarlyarticlelaunchingtheconceptof “emotional intelligence”andproposing that, inachieving successand happiness, our “EQ” was as important as, and in many situations more

importantthan,our“IQ,”measuringourcognitiveintelligence.1In1995,theNewYork Times science writer Dan Goleman popularized their ideas in his bookEmotional Intelligence, and a cultural phenomenon was launched.2 “Emotionalintelligence” is a phrase everybody has heard and has some regard for, but fewpeoplefullyunderstandwhatitmeans,andfewerstillarelearningandbenefitingfromit.

Itturnsoutthatthepartofthebrainthatisworkingtohelpusmakeourbestchoicesisinthebasalganglia.It’spartoftheancientbasebrain,andassuchdoesnothaveconnectionstoourverbalcenters,soitdoesnotcommunicateinwords.Itcommunicatesinfeelingsandviaconnectionstotheintestines—thosegoodoldgutfeelings.Thememoriesthatinformthischoice-guidingfunctioninourbrainsGolemanreferstoasthe“wisdomoftheemotions”;bythishemeansthecollectedexperiencesofwhathasandhasn’tworkedforusinlife,andwhatwedrawuponin evaluating a decision. Our own wisdom is then made available to usemotionally(asfeelings)andintestinally(asabodily,gutresponse).Therefore,inordertomakeagooddecision,weneedaccesstoourfeelingsandgutreactionstothealternatives.

Rememberthatdefaultresponsetobeingstuckonadecision:Imustneedmoreinformation!Wecannowseethatthatisexactlywhatwedonotneed.Itisourtoo-noisy brains, talking at us constantly as they try to cogitate our way to a gooddecision, that are getting in the way of connecting to our gut feelings on thedecision. It is very important to have good information available—to do lots ofhomeworkandtakelotsofnotesandmakespreadsheetsandcomparisonsandtalkto experts, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But once that work is done—led by theprefrontal cortex of the brain, which runs the executive functions of coding,listing, and categorizing—we need access to that wisdom center where our well-informedemotionalknowingcanhelpusdiscernthebetterchoicesforus.

Wedefinediscernmentasdecisionmakingthatemploysmorethanonewayofknowing. We mostly use cognitive knowing—all that good, objective, organized,informationalkindofknowing—thesortofknowingthatgetsyouA’s inschool.Butwealsohaveotherwaysofknowing,includingtheaffectiveformsofintuitive,spiritual,andemotionalknowing.Addtothosebothsocialknowing(withothers)andkinestheticknowing(inourbodies).AnincrediblyskilledtherapistfriendofDave’salwaysknewwhenshewasgettingtotheimportantissuewithaclient:herleftkneewouldstart toache.Shedidn’tknowwhyitwasher leftknee,butoveryearsofattentivepracticeshecametotrustwhatherkneehadtotellher.Because

shelearnedtolistentoherknee,shewasabletomakebetterdecisionsandbetterserveherclientsbyhavingaccesstothatawareness.

Thekeytostepthreeistomakediscerningdecisionsbyapplyingmorethanonewayofknowing,andinparticularnotapplyingjustcognitivejudgmentbyitself,whichisinformedbutnotreliableonitsown.Wearen’tsuggestingmakingonlyemotionaldecisions, either.We allhave examplesof emotions gettingpeople introuble (though usually those are impulse emotions, and that’s a very differentthing), sowe’renot saying to swapyourbrain foryourheartoryourgut.We’reinviting you to integrate all your decision-making faculties, and to be sure youmake space soyour emotional and intuitivewaysofknowing can surface in theprocess.

Inotherwords,don’t forget to listen toyourkneeor yourgutor yourheart,too.

Doingthisrequiresthatyoueducateandmatureyouraccesstoandawarenessofyour emotional/intuitive/spiritual ways of knowing (or however youmay nametheseaffectiveaspectsofoursharedhumanity).Forcenturies,themostcommonlyaffirmed path to such maturity has been that of personal practices such asjournaling, prayer or spiritual exercises,meditation, integrated physical practiceslikeyogaorTaiChi,andsoon.

We don’t have the space, nor do we claim the expertise, to coach you onforming your set of personal practices, but we do encourage you to do so. Thereasonpracticesworktogiveyoubetteraccesstoyourbestwisdomindiscerningagooddecisionrelatespreciselytothenatureofsuchinsights.Emotional,intuitive,andspiritualformsofknowingareusuallysubtle,quiet,andevenshy.RarelydopeoplegetaccesstotheirdeepestwisdombyrushingaroundafewhoursbeforeadeadlineandtalkingalotorsurfingtheWeb.It’saslower,quieterthing.Practicesare just that—practice. We both practice regularly, month in and month out—especiallyduringouroffseason,whenthere’snopressuretoperformandwecanfocuson justdoing thepractice andgaining strength andbalance.The time forgainingmaturitybypracticeisn’tduringtheplayoffs,whenthingsarestressfulanddemanding. Decision making is stressful, so the best time to prepare for goodchoosing iswhen there’sno choice at stake.That’swhenyoucan invest in youremotionalintelligenceandspiritualmaturitysothatthosemusclesarestrongandtrainedwhenit’sdecisionorgametime.

Thebesttimetogetreadyforstepthreeismonthsoryearsbeforethechoosing.Thatmeansthebesttimeisrightnow—todayisthebestdaytostartmakingthat

investment.Here’sonespecifictechniqueyoucantrythatemphasizesaccessingthewisdom

ofyouremotions:grokit.

Grokking

Inhis1960ssci-ficlassicStrangerinaStrangeLand,RobertHeinleininventedtheword “grok” to describe a way of knowing that Martians employ. It means tounderstand something deeply and completely, so much so that you feel you’vebecome one with it. Because of its rarity, Martians don’t just understand whatwaterisordrinkwater—theygrokit.Nowgrokhasenteredmorecommonculturaluse; “I grok that” is sort of like “I get that,” onlymore so. It’s “I get that” onsteroids.

Whenyoufinallygetdowntomakingachoicefromyournarrowed-downlistofalternatives, and you’ve cognitively evaluated the issues, and emotionally andmeditatively contemplated the alternatives, itmay be time to grok it. To grok achoice, you don’t think about it—you become it. Let’s say you’ve got threealternatives.Pickanyoneofthemandstopthinkingaboutit.ChoosetothinkforthenextonetothreedaysthatyouarethepersonwhohasmadethedecisiontopickAlternativeA.ChoiceAisyourrealityrightnow.Whenyoubrushyourteethin themorning,youdo sohavingchosenA.Whenyousit ata red light,you’rewaitingtoproceedtowardyourdestinationrelatedtolivinginAlternativeA.Youmayormaynotactuallysaythingstootherpeopleaboutthis—suchas“Ohyeah,I’m moving to Beijing in May!”—because such statements will cause confusionlater. But you get the idea: you’ll just live in your head as the person in anAlternativeA reality. You arenot thinkingaboutAlternativeA fromyour currentrealityasastrugglingchoicemaker.YouarelivingcalmlyasonewhohaschosenA.Afterone to threedaysof this (how long isup toyouandamatterof taste),thentakeat leastadayor twooff tobeyourregularselfandreset.ThendothesamethingwithAlternativeB,thenanotherresetbreak,thenAlternativeC.Thenone more reset break and, finally, a thoughtful reflection on what thoseexperienceswere likeandwhichoneof thosepeopleyoumightmost like tobe.Thistechniqueisn’tguaranteed(nosuchtechniquesare),butyoucanseehowtheintentionhere is to allowyour alternate formsofknowing—emotional, spiritual,social, intuitive—to have some room to express themselves to you, and therebycomplementtheevaluative,cognitiveknowing,which,ifyou’relikemostofus,is

thedominantformofthinkingandchoosingyourelyon.

Step4:AgonizeLetGoandMoveOn

Beforewediscussthestepof lettinggo, it’s importanttoaddress,at leastbriefly,whythefourthstepisnot“agonize.”Agonizinglookslikethis:

“DidIdotherightthing?”“AmIsurethisisreallythebestdecision?”“WhatifI’ddoneoptionfourinstead?”“IwonderifIcangobackanddoitover?”If you’ve no idea what we’re talking about here, consider yourself unusually

fortunate,thankyourparentsforgoodbrain-chemistryDNA,andskipahead.Butif you’re likemostofus, these are familiarquestions.Wehear lotsof groansofrecognitionwhenwe say, “And the last step is…agonize about the decision overandover!”Thosegroansareasignalofoursharedhumanityinthisexperienceofdecisionmaking.The reasonwe’re agonizing is thatwecare aboutour lives andthelivesofothers.Thesedecisionsmatter,andwewanttodoourbesttogivethefutureitsbestpossiblechance.Wewanttomakegooddecisions,butofcoursewecan’tpossiblyknow ifwe’vedone so rightaway:unknownsarealwaysout there,andnoneofuscanseethefutureaccurately.Sohowdowebeatthispost-decisionagonything?

It turns out that our mind-set about how to make a good decision is asimportant aswhich decisionwemake. It seems obvious that the bestway to behappy with a choice is to make the best choice. Simple enough—except it’simpossible.Youcan’tmake “thebest choice,”becauseyoucan’tknowwhat thatbest choice was until all the consequences have played out. You can work onmakingthebestchoiceyoucan,givenwhat’sknowableatthemoment,butifyourgoalis“makethebestchoice,”youwon’tbeabletoknowifyou’vedoneit.Yourinability to know that keeps you focused on whether or not you did the rightthing, and keeps you rehearsing the alternatives not chosen: this is calledagonizing.Andallthatrehashingdrainssatisfactionwiththechoiceyoudidmakeanddistractsyoufromgettingenergeticallyaheadonthechoiceyouhavemade.

Dan Gilbert at Harvard has looked at this area and demonstrated the effectletting go of your options has, in a study evaluating how peoplemade decisions

aboutdifferentMonetartprints.3Heaskedpeople to rank fivedifferentMonetprintsaccordingtotheirpreference,numberingthemfromonetofive.Whicheverprints the subjects ranked numbers three and four he said the experimentershappened to have spare copies of andwere letting subjects take one homewiththem.Ofcourse,mostofthepeopletooktheonetheyhadrankednumberthree.Then, interestingly, the experimenters told some of the people that they couldswap theone they took for theotherone later if theywanted to, and theotherpeopleweretoldthatwhateverprinttheytookhomewasit—noswapping.

Afterafewweeks,theexperimenterscheckedbackwiththesubjects.Thepeoplewhohadbeentoldtheycouldswaptheirprints—eventhoughtheyhadnotdoneso—were less happy with their choices than the people who had chosen the exactsame prints but had been told the choice was irreversible. It turns out thatreversibility is not conducive to establishing reliable happiness with a decision.Apparently,justtheinvitationtoreconsiderand“keepyouroptionsopen”makesusdoubtanddevalueourchoice.

Butwait…it getsworse. InhisbookTheParadox ofChoice, the researcherBarrySchwartz informs us that this nasty little feature of how our brains handledecisions goes even further.4 When we make a decision in the face of manyoptions,orjustwhileperceivingthattherearelotsofotheroptionsthatwedon’tevenknowabout,wearelesshappywithourchoice.Theproblemhereisnotjustthe options we had and didn’t pursue (the options we “keep open”)—it’s thatmountainofoptionswenever evenhad time to checkout.Theperception thattherearegazillionsofpossibilitiesthatmayhavebeengreatbutthatwenevergotto is apowerful forceagainstbeingatpeacewithourchoicemaking; even ifwedon’tknowwhatitwas,theremusthavebeenabetteroptionoutthere,andwemissedit.IntheInternet-powered,globalizedworld,therearealwaysagazillionoptions,sowearenowmorecapableofbeingunhappywithourchoicesthananygenerationinhistoryhasbeen.

Yayforus!The key is to remember that imagined choices don’t actually exist, because

they’renotactionable.We’renottryingtoliveafantasylife;we’retryingtodesignarealandlivablelife.Ifweburdenedourselveswithknowingeverythingaboutourdecisionsanddiscoveringeveryoptionpossible(which,ofcourse,youshoulddoifyou’regoingtomake“thebestchoice”),we’dneverdecide.Inlifedesignweknowthat there are countless possibilities but aren’t stymied by that fact.We revel inexploring a few possibilities, then taking action by starting with a choice. Only by

taking action can we build our way forward. So let’s get better and better atbuildingbygettingbetterandbetteratlettinggooftheoptionswedon’tneedanylonger.(Andnowyouhavetheconfidencetoknowthatyoucanalwaysgetmoreoptions in the future, just the way you got these.) This is key to choosinghappinessandbeinghappywithourchoices.

Whenindoubt…letgoandmoveon.Itreallyisthatsimple.Wearenot sayingyoupretendyoudon’tknowabout the roadsnot taken,or

thatyouwillneveragaindiscoversomethinghalfwaydownthepathanddecidetobackupandmakeacorrection.Whatwearesayingisthatthereisasmarterwaytoproceed, which will significantly enhance your ability to be successful inimplementingyourchoices,andleadtohappinessandsatisfactiononthejourney.

Doyourselfthefavorofgettinglotsofoptions,thencullingthelistdowntoashort and manageable size (five max); then make the best choice that you can,giventhetimeandresourcesavailabletoyou,getonwithit,andbuildyourwayforward.Note that if you’redoing thiswithprototype iteration, youdon’thavetoomuchatstake,andyouwillbeabletoadjustasyougo,beforeyoureallyreachasignificantinvestment.Andonceyoumakeachoice—thenembraceyourchoiceandgowith it.Whenthequestions that lead toagonizingcreep intoyourhead,evict the thoughts, and direct your energy into living well the decisions you’vemade.Payattentionandlearnasyougo,ofcourse,butdon’tgetcaughtwithyoureyesfixatedontherearviewmirrorofdecisionregret.

Thisletting-gostepreliesprimarilyonpersonaldiscipline.Keepyourreframedunderstanding of decision making handy, and be sure to win the internalargumentwithyourselfwhenyou’retemptedtorehashandruminate.Putinplacethe support youneed to stickwith it—find a life design collaboratoror team tohelp remind youwhy youmade the choice or choices you did;make a journalentryaboutyourdecision,andrereaditwhenyougetconfused.Findwhatworkstoenableyourselftoenjoyyourchoicesfully.

DysfunctionalBelief:Happinessishavingitall.Reframe:Happinessislettinggoofwhatyoudon’tneed.

LettingGobyGrabbingOn

Andywasatoppremedstudent.Excepthewasn’treallyapremed,hewasapre–public-healthorpre–med-tech-entrepreneur student.Andyhad twoprimary ideasabout his future and one backup, all in response to the same big mission—fixhealthcare.

Andy could see that the health-care system needed massive reform, withsignificantincreases inpreventivecareandwellnessmanagement, ifwewereevergoing to fix health care’s disproportionate drain on the economy, and theinaccessibilityofmedicinetoallbutthewealthy.Hethoughtthereweretwowayshecouldbemosteffectiveatmakinganimpact.Hecouldbecomeaninfluentialhealth-care public-policy adviser, or he could become a medical-technologyentrepreneur.Though itwasoutof vogueamonghis friends to consider gettinginvolvedingovernmentandthepublicsector,Andycouldseethatonlythepeopleadjustingthereallybigcontroldialsonhealthcareweregoingtobeinapositionto cause deep change. As far as medical technology, he knew there was a lothappening in that sphere, andnew technologycould spurbehaviorchanges thatcould possibly get traction faster—since they moved at the speed of themarketplace,notpolitics.

Hisbackupplanwasto“justbeadoctor.”Itsoundedfunnytosayitthatway,givenhowrespectedthenobleroleofphysicianisinoursociety,andespeciallyinhisAsianextendedfamily—butthat’showhealwayssaidittohimself.Hewasn’tbeingdismissive;hewasbeinghonest.Hisbackupplanwasaninsurancepolicyinthe event he couldn’t find away tomake awide societal impact andneeded toredirecthiseffortstoasmallerplayingfield.Hefiguredthatanindividualdoctorcertainlycouldmakeanimpactwithinhispractice,andpossiblyeveninhislocalhospitalsandregion.Maybethatwasapathtoofferingashiningexampleofwhatbetterhealthcarecouldbe.

Whichway tochoose?Actually, thatwasn’t the toughdecision forhim.Andywas convinced that the policy route was the most potentially impactful andinteresting,sothat’sthepathhewasgoingtopursue.Thetoughchoicewashowtodo it. Should he go right from undergraduate studies into a master’s in publichealth (M.P.H.)andthenrightoff toWashington?Orgo tomedical schoolandget hisM.D. first—then get hisM.P.H.? Andy knew that in themedical cultureM.D.sarerevered,andtheircounselonallthingsmedicalbearsmuchmoreweightthan that of non-M.D.s. He didn’t actually believe that getting an M.D. would

makehimasmarterormoreeffectivepolicymaker,buthereallywantedtomakeadifference and was willing to consider the eight to ten years it would take toenhance his credibility (four years to get an M.D., and four to six years fromresidencytolicensing).

Thiswasatoughdecisionforhimtomake.Tenyearsfeltlikeanincrediblylongtimetowaittogetstartedonwhathewantedtodo.

Andykeptgoingaroundandaroundinhishead,butcouldn’tlandonachoicethat he felt good about. As soon as he’d decide to get hisM.P.H. now and getstarted,he’d say, “But…if theydon’t listen tome, thathead startdoesn’tdoanygood!”Andassoonashe’dlandongoingtomedschool,he’dsay,“But…tenyearsisjusttoolongtowait—whoknowswhatwillhappenbythen?”Andykeptchasinghisownthoughtsinanendlesscircle.Hesaidhefeltasifhisbrainwerestuckonahamsterwheel,squeakingaroundandaroundallnightlong.

Andy stopped thinking about the decision and grokked it. As he did so, hediscoveredthatMedSchoolAndyfeltbetterthanJustPolicySchoolAndy.Whilewalking around being the guy becoming a doctor, Med School Andy foundhimselffeelingworriedaboutthosetenyears,butthenthinking,“Yeah—it’salongtime.ButI’mreallycommittedtothisgoalofimpactinghealthcare.IknowthatthepathI’mtakingmeansI’mdoingeverythingIcantopreparewellandgiveitmybest shot. Theproblemswill still behuge a decade fromnow; I’mnot going tomiss it. I just don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t do my best.” Bycontrast, when the question about “What if no one pays any attention to mewithout anM.D.?” occurred to Just Policy School Andy, he didn’t have a goodanswer;allhecoulddowasfeellousyaboutit.

SohechosetogotomedschoolanddedicatethenexttenyearstobecomingalicensedM.D., almost solely inorder tobe amore crediblepolicymaker in thefuture.Okay—choicemade,jobdone.Right?

Wrong.Andy still had to implement step four—to let go andmove on.Andy quickly

realizedwhywegavethisnametostepfour.Thesecrettolettinggoismovingon.Merelylettinggoisanincrediblyhardthingtodo—somewouldsayit’simpossible.For example, right now, put anything in your mind’s eye except a blue horse.Whateveryoudo—donotthinkaboutorseeabluehorse.Nospottedbluehorse.Noblueunicorn.Nobluepygmyponywithared-and-whitestripedsaddleandapinkribbononitstail.

Pleasekeepnotseeingabluehorseforthenextsixtyseconds.

Okay, how did you do? If you’re like everybodywe’ve everworkedwith, youwerestampededbybluehorses.That’stheproblemwithlettinggo—it’smoreofaninactionthananaction,andyourbrainjusthatesthat,thesamewaynatureabhorsavacuum.Sothekeytolettinggoistomoveonandgrabsomethingelse.Putyourattentiononsomething—notoffsomething.

HowwasAndygoingtoletgooftheworryanddistractionthathewaswastingadecadeofhis life?Howwashegoing to letgoofall those imagesofgettinghisM.P.H.injusttwoyearsandjoggingthehallsofCongress,becomingthehotnewpolicywonk in health care?Andy realized that theway out of it is into it, andasked,“HowcanImoveonandmoveintobecomingadoctor?”

As soon ashedid that,Andy realized thathisMed SchoolAndy choice gavehimhisbackupplanforfree—becomingadoctor.Heknewthatmedicalstudentsactuallystartdoingmedicinewithinthefirstfewyearsoftheirtraining,andalltheresidency years are spentdoing clinicalwork.Whatkindof specialtieswouldbemostrelevanttohealth-carepolicy?WhatmedicalschoolshadthestrongesttiestoWashington and an affiliated M.P.H. program? What kind of care-providinginstitutionswouldteachhimthemost:Alocalclinic?Abighospital?Smalltowns?Cities?Assoonashebegantoembracewhathismedicaltrainingcouldcontributeandhowhecouldmakethemostofit,hehadtonsofideasandlotsofinterestingquestions to pursue. By imagining his way into moving on, he gave his mindpermission to let go. And he came up with lots of ways to have prototypeconversationsandprototypeexperiencesrelatedtohealth-carepolicyinhisroleasamedicalstudentandaresident.

Andywasastarpupil.

NoMoreHamsterWheel

Designers don’t agonize. They don’t dream about what could have been. Theydon’tspintheirwheels.Andtheydon’twastetheirfuturesbyhopingforabetterpast.Lifedesigners see theadventure inwhatever life theyarecurrentlybuildingandlivinginto.Thisishowyouchoosehappiness.

And,really,isthereanyotherchoice?

10

FailureImmunity

Imaginetherewasavaccinethatcouldpreventyoufromeverfailing.Justonetinyshot, and your life would be guaranteed to go exactly as planned—nothing butsmoothsailingandsuccessaftersuccess,asfarasyoureyecouldsee.Anentirelifewithout failure sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?Nodisappointment, no setbacks,notrouble,andnolossorgriefseemslikeafinewaytolivetomostofus.Nobodylikes failure. It feels terrible—that horrible sinking sensation in the pit of yourstomach, theheavyweightofdefeat that canmakeyourchest feel like it’sbeingcrushed.

Whodoesn’twanttobeimmunetofailure?Unfortunately, there’s no vaccine, and it’s impossible never to fail. But it is

possible tobe immune from failure.Wedon’tmean you’ll be able to avoid theexperience of having things not work out the way you hoped for; but you canbecome immune to the largemajorityofnegative feelingsof failure thatburdenyourlifeneedlessly.Ifyouusetheideasandtoolsthatwe’vebeentalkingaboutsofar, you will reduce your so-called failure rate, which is great, but we’re aftersomething much more valuable than just failure reduction. We’re after failureimmunity.

We’vebeentryingalotofdifferentthingsonthewaytodesigningalifethatisworththeliving.Usingthecuriositymind-set,we’vegoneoutintotheworldandmetsomeinterestingpeople.We’veradicallycollaboratedwithfriendsandfamilyand prototyped somemeaningful engagements with theworld. And throughoutthislifedesignjourney,we’vegottencomfortablewiththebias-to-actionmind-set,andwheneverwe’reindoubt,weknowit’stimetodosomething.

All along, you have been developing something positive psychologists likeAngelaDuckworthcallperseveranceorgrit.1Duckworth’sstudiesongritandself-control demonstrate that grit is a better measure of potential success than IQ.Failureimmunitygivesyougrittospare.

It’simportanttothinkofourselvesaslifedesignerswhoarecuriousandaction-

oriented,andwholiketomakeprototypesand“buildourwayforward”intothefuture.Butwhenyoutakethisapproachtodesigningyourlife,youaregoingtoexperience failure. In fact, you are going to “fail by design” more with thisapproach than with any other. So it’s important to understand what “failure”meansinourprocess,andhowtoachievewhatwecallfailureimmunity.

Thefearoffailureloomssolargeinpeople’sexperienceoftheirlives.Itseemstorelatetoafundamentalperceptioninthewaypeopledefineagoodorabadlife.Shewasasuccess(yay,good!).Hewasafailure(boo,bad!).Whenyoulookatitthatway,noonewants tobea failure.We imagine that atour funerals therewillbesome external judge (or some imagined life tenure committee) who will passjudgmentonwhetherwemanagedtosucceedorendedupfailing.

Fortunately, if you’re designing your life, you can’t be a failure. You mayexperience some prototypes and engagements that don’t attain their goals (that“fail”),butremember,thoseweredesignedsoyoucouldlearnsomethings.Onceyoubecomealifedesigningpersonandarelivingtheongoingcreativeprocessoflifedesign,youcan’tfail;youcanonlybemakingprogressandlearningfromthedifferentkindsofexperiencesthatfailureandsuccessbothhavetooffer.

InfiniteFailure

Wetrust thatyounowunderstandthatprototypingtodesignyour life isagreatwaytosucceedsooner(inthebig,importantthings)byfailingmoreoften(atthesmall, low-exposure learning experiences). Once you’ve done this prototype-iteration cycle a number of times, you will really begin to enjoy the process oflearningvia theprototypeencounters thatotherpeoplemightcall failure.Asanexample, one day just before our large Designing Your Life class started, Davemadeabigchangetooneoftheteachingexercisesforthatday’sclass.Hehadanideaandjustwantedtotrysomethingout.Hedidn’tevenhavetimetotellBill,soBillhearditatthesametimeasthestudentsdid.AfterDaveannouncedthe(neverbeforeattempted)exerciseandthestudentswereworkingonit,BillcameovertoDaveandsaid,“Thisisgreat!Ilovethatyouarewillingtofailmiserablyinfrontofeightystudents!Ihavenoideaifthisexerciseisgoingtowork,butIlovehowyou’reprototypingit!”DaveandBillhavecometotrusttheprocessoflifedesignsocompletelythattheydon’teverhaveaconversationabouttherightwaytoruntheirclasses.Whenyoureallyget thehangofthedesignthinkingapproach,you

endupthinkingdifferentlyabouteverything.Thisisthefirstleveloffailureimmunity—usingabiastoaction,failingfast,and

beingsoclearonthelearningvalueofafailurethatthestingdisappears(and,ofcourse,youlearnfromthefailurequicklyandincorporateimprovements).Bytheway, that exercise in class went pretty well, and then we decided to jettison itanyway andkeep theprior versionof the exercise because itwasmore effective.Whatasuccess!

There’s a whole other level of failure immunity that we call big failureimmunity, which comes from understanding the really big reframe in designthinking.Areyouready?Designingyourlifeisactuallywhatlifeis,becauselifeisaprocess,notanoutcome.

Ifyoucangetthat,you’vegotitall.

DysfunctionalBelief:Wejudgeourlifebytheoutcome.Reframe:Lifeisaprocess,notanoutcome.

Weare always growing from thepresent into the future, and therefore alwayschanging.Witheachchangecomesanewdesign.Lifeisnotanoutcome;it’smorelikeadance.Lifedesignisjustareallygoodsetofdancemoves.Lifeisneverdone(untilitis),andlifedesignisneverdone(untilyou’redone).

ThephilosopherJamesCarsewroteaninterestingbookcalledFiniteandInfiniteGames.2 In it he asserts that just about everythingwedo in life is either a finitegame,oneinwhichweplaybytherulesinordertowin—oraninfinitegame,oneinwhichweplaywiththerulesforthejoyofgettingtokeepplaying.GettinganAinchemistryisafinitegame.Learninghowtheworldisputtogetherandhowyoufitin it is an infinite game. Coaching your son to win the spelling bee is a finitegame. Having your son come to trust that you love him unconditionally is aninfinite game. Life is full of both kinds of games. (By games we don’t meansomething trivialorchildish. In thiscontext, it simplymeanshowweact in theworld andwhat importance we place on our actions.) Everyone is playing bothfinite and infinite games all the time. One kind is not better than the other.Baseballisagreatgametoplay,butitdoesn’tworkwithoutrulesandwinnersandlosers.Loveisaninfinitegame—whenplayedwell,itgoesonforever,andeveryone

playstokeepitgoing.Sowhatdoesthishavetodowithlifedesign?Justthis:whenyourememberthat

youarealwaysplayingtheinfinitegameofbecomingmoreandmoreyourselfanddesigninghow to express the amazingness of you into theworld, you can’t fail.With the infinite-gamemind-set,youarenot justadeptat failure reduction—youaretrulyfailure-immune.Sure,you’llexperiencepainandlossorserioussetbacks,buttheywon’tmakeyoulessofaperson,andyoudon’texperiencethesesetbacksasanexistential“failure”fromwhichyoucan’trecover.

BeingandDoing

Formillennia,peoplehavestruggledwiththedifficultyofbalancingourfocusonourselves as human beings (which is more prevalent in Eastern cultures) or ashumandoings(whichismoreprevalentinWesterncultures).Beingordoing?Thereal innerme, or the busy, successful outerme?Which is it? Life design thinksthat’safalsedichotomy.Sincelife isawickedproblemthatwenever“solve,”wejust focusongettingbetterat livingour livesbybuildingourway forward.Thisdiagramis,wethink,abetterwaytoimaginetheprocess:

When designing your life, you start with who you are (chapters 1, 2, and 3).Then you have lots of ideas (rather than wait and wait to have the idea of thecentury)andyoutrythingsoutbydoingthem(chapters4,5,and6),andthenyoumake the best choice you can (chapter 8).As you do all this, includingmakingchoicesthatsetyouononepathforanumberofyears,yougrowvariousaspectsof your personality and identity that are nurtured and called upon by thoseexperiences—you become more yourself. In this way, you energize a veryproductivecycleofgrowth,naturallyevolvingfrombeing,todoing,tobecoming.Thenitallrepeats,asthemore-like-youversionofyou(yournewbeing)takesthe

nextstepofdoing,andsoitgoes.Alloflife’schapters—boththewonderfullyvictoriousandthepainfullydifficult

anddisappointing—keepthisgrowthcyclegoingifwehavetherightmind-set.Inthiswayofseeingandexperiencingthings,you’realwayssucceedingattheinfinitegameofdiscoveringandengagingyourownlifeintheworld.

And thatmind-set is a great big dose of our version of the failure immunityvaccine.

DysfunctionalBelief:Lifeisafinitegame,withwinnersandlosers.Reframe:Lifeisaninfinitegame,withnowinnersorlosers.

Now,youmaybethinkingthatthissoundsgood,butintherealworldit’sjustnot so simple.Wedobelieve (andwe’ve seen it inothers and lived itourselves)thatyoureallycanreframefailuresinsuchawaythatyoutransformsetbacksandhave a happier, more fulfilling life. This isn’t just our own rehash of positivethinking;it’sadesigntoolthat’simperativetolifedesign.

Failure is just the raw material of success. We all screw up; we all haveweaknesses;weallhavegrowingpains.Andweallhaveatleastonestoryinusofan occasion when we’ve reframed a particular failure, where we’ve changed ourperspective,andhaveseenhowafailureturnedouttobethebestthingthateverhappened.

We all have our stories of redemption. A perfectly planned life that neversurprisesyouorchallengesyouor testsyou isaperfectlyboring life,notawell-designedlife.

Embracetheflaws, theweaknesses, themajorscrewups,andall the things thathappenedoverwhichyouhadnocontrol.They arewhatmake lifeworth livingandworthdesigning.

JustaskReed.

WinningandLosingandWinning

Reedalwayswantedtobeaclassofficeratschool,sohestartedrunningforofficeassoonashecould,infifthgrade.Helost.Heraninsixthgrade—andlostagain.Heranforofficeeveryyear,oftentwiceayear,andlosteverysingletime.Bytheendofhis junioryearofhigh school,he’d run forone schoolofficeoranotherandlostthirteentimesinarow.Duringhislastyearofhighschool,hedecidedtorunonemoretime—forseniorclasspresident.

Over the years,Reed’s parentswatchedwith agony as the lossesmounted up.Afterfourorfivelosses,theywouldwinceeverytimeReedannounced,“I’mgoingto run again!” They were smart enough not to discourage him, but inside theywishedhe’d just let it go and stop thebleeding.They couldn’t stand to seehimgoingthroughallthosefailures.ButReeddidn’tmind.Ohsure,hehatedlosing—buthewasn’tchanginghismind.Heknewthatifhekeptat,ithe’dlearnwhathewasdoingwrongandeventuallyhe’dwin—oratleasthe’dlearnabitmore.Inhismind,failurewasjustpartoftheprocess.Witheachsuccessiveloss,losinggotlesspainful,whichallowedhimtotakeriskstoseeifnewapproacheswouldwork.Itgave him the courage to try out for other things—sports, acting. Most of thesedidn’tpanout,butacoupledid.Thoughhewasdelightedwithhissuccesses,hewouldhavebeen just fineeven ifhe’d failedat those, too.Failingoverandoverfreed him to focus his energies on running the best campaigns he could. Eachfailure was a lesson, so when he ran, he never worried about losing. When hefinallywonandbecameseniorclasspresident,hewasthrilled,butthepointisn’tthathefinallywon—thepointishowhekeptrunning.

Itturnedouttobeamoreimportantlessonthanherealized.At twenty-two, to anyone who looked at him from the outside, Reed seemed

finallytobewinningatlife.BoyScout.Classpresident.Quarterback.IvyLeague.Crewchampion.Whenhegraduatedfromcollegewithadegreeineconomics,hislife seemed set on a straight course for success followed by more success. Helandedajobwithatopfirmandforthefirstfewyears,hisnewcareerwasgoinggreat.

Hisjobtookhimontheroadoften,andduringabusinesstriptotheMidwest,Reednoticeda strange lump justbelowhisneck.Hewent toaclinicduringhislunchbreaktocheckitout,andbythetimeheboardedhisflighthomethreedayslater, a doctor has confirmedhisworst fears:Hodgkin’s disease, a cancer of thelymphnodes.Whenhegothome,heimmediatelybeganchemotherapy.

Cancerattwenty-fivewasnotpartofReed’slifedesign.Butitwasnowpartofhislife.

Alifetimeofexperiencedealingwithfailurehadpaidoff.Prettyquickly,Reedwasabletoaccepttherealityofhissituationandputallhisenergiesintogettingbetter.Hedidn’tgetstuckasking,“Whyme?”Nordidhebelievehehadfailedatbeinghealthy.Hewas too busy getting another campaignprepared—this time, acampaigntobeatcancer—andthenusingit.Forthenextyear,hewasn’tadvancinghis economic consulting career, as he had planned; he was undergoing surgery,radiation,andchemotherapy.Hewasalsolearning,ataveryyoungage,justhowfragilelifeis.

Whenhiscancertreatmentwasoverandhiscancerwasinremission,Reedhadno idea what to do next. Actually, he had one idea—one somewhat crazy idea.TherewasthislittleitemonhisOdysseyPlanthathehadn’tbeguntoprototype:takingayearofffromeverythingandbeingaskibum.Hewasconflicted.Anall-Americanboyonthefasttracktosuccessjustdoesn’ttakeayearofftobecomeaskibumandgetnothingdone.

Reed,however,wasnotyouraverageBoyScoutanylonger.Hehadjustfoughtawar with cancer, and even though he knew the smart plan was to go back tobuilding his career, and he worried that an additional year of employment gapmightruinhisrésuméandthereforeruinhislife,Reeddecidedhewantedtolivehislife,notjustplanit.

Hedid someprototypeconversationswithbusinesspeoplebeforehemadehisdecision, because hewanted to learn how future hiringmanagersmight look atthatdecision, andconcluded thathe couldafford the risk, and that thekindofpeople he’d want to work with would view his post-cancer ski adventure as ademonstrationofboldness rather than irresponsibility.As forhowotherpeoplewould see it—well, that was their problem. The point isn’t primarily that Reed“succeeded in beating cancer,” but that he was able to enjoy failure immunityduring the process, which enabled him to direct his energy productively and tolearnthingshecoulduselater.Byturninghisproblemintoanadvantage,hewasabletodesignthebestlifepossibleinthefaceofadversity.Itbeatsthehelloutofbeingdespondentlyconfusedaboutwhybadthingshappen.

Thefailureimmunityhebeganlearninginthefifthgradejustkeptcominginhandy. A few years later, Reed decided to go for his dream job—working for aprofessional sports franchise, inparticularanNFL team.Thoughhedidn’thaveany family connections in that world, he had met an up-and-coming NFLexecutivewhileincollegeandhadbeenslowlybuildinganetworkintothesportsworld through prototype conversations. He made some overtures into the

industry,lookingforwork.Theworstthingthatcouldhappenwasbeingrejected,butwithrejectionnolongerscarytohim,whynotatleasttry?

Whenhis attempts at anNFL job failed, he let go and quickly redirectedhiseffortsintohisnext,alternativeplan.

Overayear later,he finallygotachance toapply fora jobnegotiatingplayercontractsforanNFLteam.Upagainstdozensofothercandidates,manyofwhomhadindustryexperience,hemadeitdowntothefinaltwoandlost—hedidn’tgetthe job. It really hurt, but, again, he quickly redirected his efforts into analternative plan, andhe got a job in financialmanagement,working for a greatcompany.

But he didn’t give up on the pro team. Despite being rejected, he keptprototyping that career.He stayed in touch with theNFL executives and spenthundreds of hours building innovative sports analysis models, which he wouldshow themeverynowand then.Thiswasnot theusualbehaviorofpeoplewholosta job.And,yes,hewaseventuallyhiredbythatsameNFLteam,forabetterjobthantheonehehadoriginallytriedfor.

He had worked there for about three years when he decided that pro sportswasn’treallywherehewantedtobe—he“failed”again.Sohemovedontoahealth-carestart-up,secureintheknowledgethat,ifthatdidn’tworkout,thenextthing—or,barringthat,thethingafterthat—would.

Reedisnowcompletelyfailure-immune.He’snotprotectedfromthepersonalpainandlossoffailure,buthe’simmunefrombeingmisinformedbyfailure—hedoesn’teverbelievethatheisafailureorthatfailuredefineshim,or,infact,thathis failureswere failures.His failures educate him in just the sameway that hissuccessesdo.Helikessuccessbetter,buthe’lltakewhateverhegetsandjustkeepfailinghiswayforward.

TomeetReedtodayistomeetwhatappearsineverywaytobeaverysuccessfulandcontentyoungman.He’shappilymarried,withabeautifulbabygirlandanirrepressiblydelightfulthree-year-oldson.He’stall,good-looking,andhealthy.Heand his wife just bought their first house, and he’s doingwell at a great youngcompany,workingingenetictestingandhealthcare.Reediscertainlyenjoyingallhis recent success, but he doesn’t think of it in those terms. He’s mostly justgrateful, and knows that howwell it feels life is going ismuchmore about hismind-setthanhiscurrentlevelofsuccess.

ThisistherealreasonwhyReediswinningatlife.

FailureReframeExercise

It’seasyforustodescribetheloftygoalofattainingfailureimmunity,butgettingthere is another matter. Here’s an exercise to help you do just that—the failurereframe.Failureistherawmaterialofsuccess,andthefailurereframeisaprocessofconvertingthatrawmaterialintorealgrowth.It’sasimplethree-stepexercise:

1. Logyourfailures.

2. Categorizeyourfailures.

3. Identifygrowthinsights.

LogYourFailures

Justwritedownwhenyou’vemessedup.Youcandothisbylookingbackoverthelastweek,thelastmonth,thelastyear,ormakeityourAll-TimeFailureHitsList.Anytimeframecanwork.Ifyouwanttobuildthehabitofconvertingfailurestogrowth,thenwesuggestyoudothisonceortwiceamonthuntilyou’veestablisheda new way of thinking. Failure reframe is a healthy habit that leads to failureimmunity.

CategorizeYourFailures

It’s useful to categorize failures into three types so you canmore easily identifywherethegrowthpotentiallies.

Screwupsarejustthat—simplemistakesaboutthingsthatyounormallygetright.It’snotthatyoucan’tdobetter.Younormallydothesethingsright,soyoudon’treally need to learn anything from this—you just screwed up. The best responsehereistoacknowledgeyouscrewedup,apologizeasneeded,andmoveon.

Weaknesses are failures that happen because of one of your abiding failings.Thesearethemistakesthatyoumakeoverandover.Youknowthesourceofthesefailures well. They are old friends. You’ve probably worked at correcting themalready,andhaveimprovedasfarasyouthinkyou’regoingto.Youtrytoavoidgetting caught by these weaknesses, but they happen. We’re not suggesting you

caveinprematurelyandacceptmediocreperformance,butwearesuggestingthatthere isn’tmuchupside in trying to changeyour stripes. It’s a judgment call,ofcourse,but some failures are justpartofyourmakeup, andyourbest strategy isavoidanceofthesituationsthatprompttheminsteadofimprovement.

Growthopportunitiesarethefailuresthatdidn’thavetohappen,oratleastdon’thavetohappenthenexttime.Thecauseofthesefailuresisidentifiable,andafixisavailable.Wewant todirectourattentionhere, rather thangetdistractedby thelowreturnonspendingtoomuchtimeontheotherfailuretypes.

IdentifyGrowthInsights

Do any of the growth opportunity failures offer an invitation for a realimprovement?What is there to learnhere?Whatwentwrong (thecritical failurefactor)?Whatcouldbedonedifferentlynexttime(thecriticalsuccessfactor)?Lookforaninsighttocapturethatcouldchangethingsnexttime.Jotitdownandputittowork.That’sit—asimplereframe.

HerearesomeexamplesfromDave’salmostendlesslylongfailurelog.

Dave did actually miss his daughter Lisa’s birthday. By exactly a week. Hedoesn’trememberthissortofthingwellatall(aweakness),soheuseshiscalendartoremindhimself.Butoneyearheaccidentallywrote iton thewrongweek.Hecarefully planned a nice birthday dinner out with her—seven days after herbirthday.Hemanagedtostayinthedarkforthewholeweekbybeingontheroad.Totalscrewup.Weirdmistake.Notgoingtohappenagain.Anotherawfulscrewup

wasgettingrobbed.While thehousewasbeingfumigatedfortermites,Daveandhiswifehadtomoveoutforthreedays,duringwhichtimethievesbrokeintothetentedhouseandstoleeverythingofvalue. Itwasawful.Whatdidhedowrong?Hedidn’thire aprivate guard towatch thehouse for threedays.Butwhodoesthat?Thepolicesaiditwasaveryoddsituation(mostthievesaren’twillingtobelethallyfumigatedtogetyourTVset),andallofDave’sfriendshadgonethroughgettingfumigatedwithoutevenhearingabouthiringaguard.Thoughthefailurehadbeenpreventable, itwas sounusual thatheaccepted it asmerelya screwup.Huge,painful,andexpensive,but—justascrewup.

Thenhehadtostayuphalfthenight(again)togethisbudgetinontimethenext day. Dave is a famous procrastinator. He has lots of tricks to solve thispersistentfailing,andtheyworkagood7percentofthetime.He’slearnedtoworkaround itmostof the time and just livewith it the rest of the time.He almostnever misses a deadline—he just gets to stay up late a lot. Big deal. There’sapparentlynotmuchlefttolearnhere.Beenthere,stilldoingthat.It’saweakness.

Hewasverysurprisedwhiletalkingonthephonetoaclientnotlongago.Davehadjustopenedtheconversationwithamarketingquestionabouttheprojecttheywere working on when the client lost her temper and started yelling. Dave wasfloored. He’d not heard that the key engineer on the project had quit andeverythingwas in shambles.Though itwas the scheduled reason forhis call,hislengthyopeningquestionaboutmarketingwasnowirrelevant,andtheclientwasfuriousthathewaswastinghertime.ThatisnotthesortofmistakeDaveisusedtomaking.He’sactuallyprettygreatatclientmanagement,andtalksonthephoneafewdozenhoursaweek.Sowhathappenedthistime?Ashethoughtaboutit,herealizedthat themistakewas launchingright intotheagendaof thecallwithoutcheckinginfirst.AlmostallDave’scallsarescheduledwithanagendatopicandatighttimeframe.Heusuallyhasgreatsuccessifhelaunchesintotheagendarightaway,butnowherealizedthatheneverdoesthatwhenhemeetspeopleinperson.

In a livemeeting,he startswith a checkin to seehow theperson is andwhatnews has developed since their last contact, and he always confirms the agendabefore gettingdown tobusiness.Heoftendiscovers importantnewsduring thatcheckin,buthestoppeddoingitsometimeagoonthephone, inthe interestofsavingtime.Skippingitwasclearlyarisk;hejusthadn’tgottencaughtuntilnow.The insightwas clear—doaquicknews-and-agenda check, even inphone calls. Itonlytakesafewsecondsandcanmakeahugedifference.

Dave needed less time to analyze those five failures than it took you to read

aboutthem.Thisexerciseisnothard,butitcanbringbigrewards.IfDavehadjustleftthatbadphonecallsaying,“Sheesh!What’sherproblem,anyway?,”he’dhavelearnednothingandwouldstillbeatriskofdoingitagain.Similarly,ifhe’dnotthoughtaboutwhatledtothatawfulrobberyorblowinghisdaughter’sbirthday,he would still be beating himself up about those situations needlessly—to noproductiveend.

A little failure reframing can go a long way to building up your failureimmunity.Giveitatry.

Don’tFightReality

Evenifyouhaveyourdreamjobandyourdreamlife, stuffwill stillhit thefan.Designers know a lot about how things don’t work out as planned. When youunderstandwhoyouare,designyour life,andthengo liveyour life,youcannotfail. Itdoesnotmean thatyouwon’t stumbleor thataparticularprototypewillalways work as expected. But failure immunity comes from knowing that aprototypethatdidnotworkstill leavesyouwithvaluable informationaboutthestateoftheworldhere—atyournewstartingpoint.Whenobstacleshappen,whenyourprogressgetsderailed,whentheprototypechangesunexpectedly—lifedesignletsyouturnabsolutelyanychange, setback,orsurprise intosomethingthatcancontributetowhoyouarebecomingpersonallyandprofessionally.

Life designers don’t fight reality. They become tremendously empowered bydesigning their way forward nomatter what. In life design, there are no wrongchoices; there are no regrets. There are just prototypes, some that succeed andsome that fail. Some of our greatest learning comes from a failed prototype,because then we know what to build differently next time. Life is not aboutwinningand losing. It’sabout learningandplaying the infinitegame,andwhenweapproachourlivesasdesigners,weareconstantlycurioustodiscoverwhatwillhappennext.

The only question that remains is one we’ve all heard a time or two before:Whatwouldyoudoifyouknewyoucouldnotfail?

TryStuff

ReframingFailure

1. Usingtheworksheetbelow(ordownloadingitfromwww.designingyour.life),lookbackoverthelastweek(ormonthoryear),andlogyourfailures.

2. Categorizethemasscrewups,weaknesses,orgrowthopportunities.

3. Identifyyourgrowthinsights.

4. Buildahabitofconvertingfailurestogrowthbydoingthisonceortwiceamonth.

11

BuildingaTeam

Everygreatdesignwasmadegreatbecause therewas adesign team thatbroughtthatproject,product,orbuildingtolife.Designersbelieveinradicalcollaborationbecausetruegeniusisacollaborativeprocess.Wedesignourlivesincollaborationandconnectionwithothers,becauseweisalwaysstrongerthanI—it’sassimpleasthat.

DysfunctionalBelief:It’smylife,Ihavetodesignitmyself.Reframe:Youliveanddesignyourlifeincollaborationwithothers.

Whenyoudesignyourlife,youareengaginginanactofco-creation.Whenyouuse design thinking, the mind-set is completely different from “careerdevelopment”or“strategicplanning”oreven“lifecoaching.”Onekeydifferenceistheroleofcommunity.Ifyou’rethesolearchitectofyourbrilliantfuture,thenyouthinkthewholethingupandyouheroicallybringitintobeing—it’sallaboutyou. Life design is about your life, but it’s not all about you—it’s all about us.Whenwe saywe can’t do this alone,we don’t justmean thatwe’d like to do itourselvesbutwe’reinsufficient,sowehavetogogetsomehelpers.Whatwemeanis that lifedesign is intrinsicallyacommunaleffort.Whenyouarewayfindingasteportwoatatimetobuild(notsolve)yourwayforward,theprocesshastorelyonthecontributionandparticipationofothers.Theideasandopportunitiesyoudesignarenotjustpresentedtoyouorfetchedforyoubyothersonyourbehalf—theyare co-createdwithyou incollaborationwiththewholecommunityofplayersyouengagewith in life.Whether they thinkof it thiswayornot, all thepeopleyoumeet, engage, prototype, or conversewith along theway are in your designcommunity. A few particularly important people will become your core

collaboratorsandplayacrucialandongoingpartinyourlifedesign,buteveryonematters.

Everyone.Co-creationisanintegralaspectofadesignpointofview,andit’sakeyreason

thatdesignthinkingworks.Yourlifedesignisn’t inyou; it’s intheworld,whereyouwilldiscoverandco-createitwithothers.Theideasandpossibilitiesandrolesand forms that you will end up living do not actually exist anywhere in theuniverserightnow,asyouarereadingthis.Theyareallwaitingtobeinvented,andtherawmaterial to invent themis foundout in theworldand,most important,lyinginwaitintheheartsandmindsandactionsofothers—manyofwhomyou’venotmet yet. A big reason somany traditional approaches to doing this sort ofworkareunsuccessful is that they’rebasedon the falseperception thatyou (andyou alone) know the answers, you have the resources, and you know the rightpassion to follow in order to have it all. You know the kind of thinking we’retalkingabouthere—thekindthatsaysyoushouldsetsomegoodgoalsandgogetit.Itsoundslikethelockerroomathalftime:“Getoutthere!Youcandoit!”

Wesaythat’snuts.ThinkaboutEllen,Janine,andDonaldfromourintroduction.Theyhadgoals.

JanineandDonaldhadaccomplishedmanyoftheirgoals,andquitesuccessfully.Butbothofthemwerelostintheirownways—wonderingwhytheyweren’thappywiththeirchoices,wonderingwhichdirectiontogonext,andnotknowinghowtomaketheactuallivingoftheirlivesmatterinawaythatmadesense.Andallthreeofthembelievedtheyhadtofigureitoutallalone.Theyweren’tdesigningtheirlives,andtheyweren’tusingateam.

If you find yourself standing alone in front of themirror trying to solve orfigureoutyourlife,waitingtomakeamoveuntilyouareclearaboutthecorrectanswers,you’regoingtobewaitingalongtime.

Lookawayfromthemirror,andlookatthepeoplearoundyou.Ifyou’vebeendoing theworkandtheexercises suggested throughout thisbook,you’vealreadyengagedlotsofpeople—manyofwhomyoujustmet.Youtalkedtoothershonestlyabout your current situation, your values, your Workview and Lifeview. You’veidentifiedgroupsandindividualswhoarepartofyourenergy-producingactivitiesinyourGoodTimeJournal.Youprobablyhadsomehelpersforideatingorgettingfeedbackonyouralternativelifeplans.Peopleappearineverysingleoneofyourprototypes as collaborators, participants, and informers. You may not havethought of all these people as being a part of your team. You may have just

thoughtofthemasthepeoplewhoweretherewhenyouweredoingortryingstuff.Thatwouldbemissingthepoint.Theyarepartofyourteam.

IdentifyingYourTeam

Everyoneparticipatinginyourlifedesigneffortinonewayoranothershouldbethoughtofasbeingapartofyourteam,buttherearedifferentrolestobeplayed,andit’susefultonamethem.And,yes,ofcourse,certainindividualswillappearinmorethanoneoftheseroles:

Supporters. Supporters come in all flavors, ages, proximities, and sizes.Supportersarejustthosego-topeopleyoucancountontocareaboutyourlife—people close enough to you that their encouragementhelpskeep yougoing andtheir feedback isofrealuse.Mostofyoursupportersarepeopleyouthinkofasyour friends, but not all friends are supporters, and some supporters are notfriends (they are there for you in your life design, but youdon’thangoutwiththem).Howmanysupportersyouhaveislargelyaresultofyourpersonality—thisgroupmayrangefromtwoorthreetofiftyorevenahundred.

Players.Playersaretheactiveparticipantsinyourlifedesignprojects—especiallyyourongoingwork-relatedandavocationalprojectsandprototypes.Thesearethepeopleyouactuallydothingswith,yourco-workersintheclassicsense.

Intimates.Intimatesincludeyourimmediateandcloseextendedfamilymembersandyourclosestfriends.Thesearelikelythepeoplemostdirectlyaffectedbyyourlife design, and, whether or not they are actively involvedwith your life designproject, they are themost influential people in it.We encourage you at least tokeepyour intimates informed, ifnotdirectly involved, inyour lifedesignwork.Thesepeopleareabigpartofyourlife,sodon’tleavethemout.Whatroletohavethem play in your ideation, planning, and prototyping can be tricky. Some ofthemmaybetooclose.Someofthemmayhaveapreferenceforacertainresultsowellestablishedthattheycan’tbeobjective.And,ofcourse,someofthemarethebesthelpersyoucouldpossiblyaskfor.Allwe’resayingisthatyourecognizehowimportant these people are and figure out an effective and appropriate role forthem.Dotrytoavoidthemistakeofleavingthemcompletelyoutofituntiltheend.Thatseldomworksoutwell, fora lotofreasonsyoucanprobably imagine.

Surprisingyourwifewith the fact thatyou’reprototyping livingoff thegrid forthenextyearisnotgoingtolandwell.

TheTeam.Thesearethepeoplewithwhomyou’resharingthespecificsofyourlifedesignprojectandwhowilltrackwithyouonthatprojectovertimeatregularintervals. The most likely candidates for your team are among the people youinvitedtoyourfeedbacksessiontopresentanddiscussyourthreealternativefive-yearOdysseyPlans.

Youneeda groupofpeople towalk alongside youas youaredoingyour lifedesign.Theydon’t have tobe yourbest friends.They justneed tobewilling toshowupforyou,tobehelpfullyattentiveandreflectivewithyou,andtorespectandcareabouttheprocess—butnotfullofanswersandadvice.

Youknowthekindoffolkswemean;theirfacesarealreadycomingtomind.Ahealthy team is more than two people and not more than six, including you;optimally,yourteamwouldbethreetofivepeople.Justonepersoncanbeagreatpartneroranaccountabilitybuddy,buttwopeoplemakeapair,notateam.Inapair, there’s always one speaker and one listener. A hundred percent of theresponse towhat’s justbeensaid ison theshouldersof theotherperson.Apairdoes not create enough diversity of opinion for the kind of collaboration youneed.

When there are three people in the circle, amuchmore active dynamic is atplay,andatrulywide-rangingconversationcanensue.Thatprocesscontinuesupto maybe even six people, and then it starts to shift again. Beyond six people,there’s limited airtime for each participant.Who speaks next becomes an issue.Sinceeveryone’s timeis limitedandwehear lessfromeachperson,rolesstart toform.Annbecomesthepracticalone;Theoisalwaysdefendingyourcreativeside.On bigger teams, each person gets stuck in a persona, and the conversationshrinks.So,again,trytobuildateamofthreetofivepeopleforthebestdynamicsandmostinnovativeinput(andjustoneextra-largepizzawilldoforteamsessions—andthat’salwaysaplus).

TeamRolesandRules

First of all, keep it simple. The team’s focus is on supporting an effective lifedesign—no more and no less. The team members are not your therapist, your

financial adviser, or your spiritual guru. They are your co-creators in your lifedesign.Theonlyrolethatreallyneedstobedefinedisthatoftheteamfacilitator—thepersonwhoorganizeswhenyougettogetherandwhatyoudowhenyoumeet.Usually,that’syou.It’sbestifyoudrivetheschedulingandcommunications;thatway,youcanbesure the teamisontrackandnotdoingtoomuchor too little.Butyoumayaskanothermembertoactuallyfacilitatethemeetings,oryoumaypassthatrolearound.Itdoesn’treallymatter,aslongassomeoneisalwayskeepinganeyeontheclock,theagenda,andtheconversation.

That last part—the conversation—is the most important. The role is to be afacilitator,notabossorarefereeora“leader.”Youdon’tneedanyofthose.Youjustwant someone toparticipate in theconversationandalsoattend tohow it’sgoing—makingsurethateveryoneisheardfromandthatkeyideasandsuggestionsaren’t lost in the noise, and helping the team determine which path to followwhenmultipleissuesorconsiderationspresentthemselvesatonce(whichhappensa lot).As far as rules go,we use just four in our Stanford teams (whichwe callsections).

Keepit:

1. Respectful

2. Confidential

3. Participative(noholdingback)

4. Generative(constructive,notskepticalorjudging)

CallingAllMentors

Mentors play a very special role in your life design community or team. Noteveryone reading this book has had access to a goodmentoring experience, butsomeofyouhave,andweurgeeveryoneto try to find it.Your lifedesigneffortwill be greatly enhanced if you’ve got a few mentors participating with you.Mentoring has become popular in recent years, and here are a few thingswe’vediscovered about mentoring that have been most helpful to our students andclients.

Counsel and Advice. We make a clear distinction between counsel and advice.

“Counsel” is when someone is trying to help you figure out what you think.“Advice”iswhensomeoneistellingyouwhatheorshethinks.Fortunately,there’saveryeasywaytotellwhenyou’regettingadviceratherthancounsel.

When someone says, “Well…If Iwere you, Iwould blah, blah, blah”—anytimeyou hear “If I were you”—you’re getting advice. When someone says, “If I wereyou,”whathe reallymeans is “If youwereme.” See, that’s thepointof advice—tellingyoutodo inyour lifewhat theadviserwoulddo inyoursituation.Well,that’sgreatifyouhappentobeidenticaltothepersongivingtheadvice.Ifyouareagenetictwin,goforit.Otherwise,weseldomfindourselvesadvisingpeoplewhoarejustlikeus.Adviceisfinetoget—youjustwanttobeverycarefulaboutactuallytakingit.Ifyou’regettingadvice,trytofindouttheadviser’svaluesandprioritiesand point of view, and what key experiences informed the evolution of herconvictionaboutthatadvice.

WeknowanERdoctorwhoemphaticallyadvises everyone,“Don’t ever rideamotorcycle—you’ll justbecomeanorgandonor!”Fromapersonwhosees lotsofmotorcycle accident victims come into her ER, and toomany of them dead ofbraininjuries,that’sveryunderstandableandrationaladvice.ButwealsoknowafineartistontheEastCoastwhoseinspirationsforhisverysuccessfuloilpaintingshave all come from his up-close encounters while motorcycling around thecountry for thirty to a hundred thousand miles a year—for thirty years. He’sconvincedthatthebestwaytoseetheworldandmeetthepeopleinitisfromthebackofamotorcycle(anold-schoolflatheadHarley-Davidson,preferably).They’reboth right: Motorcycles are much more dangerous than cars. Motorcycling is agreatwaytoseethecountrysideandmeetpeople.Botharetrue.What’simportantis,howdoesthatadvicerelatetoyou?

Goodadvicecomesfrompeoplewhohaveindisputableexpertise.Youwantanexpert toadviseyouonfilingyourtaxes,orwhetheryoushouldhavesurgeryorjustphysical therapy for thatbumknee.There isnoexpertadviser foryour life.Peoplewillsometimessay,“Igotbadadvice.”That’sprobablynottrue; they justgotgoodadvicethatdidn’tfit.Lotsofpeoplewillbereadytogiveyouadviceonyourlife.Beverycarefulaboutthat.

Counsel is entirelydifferent.Counsel is alwayshelpful.You canneverbe tooclearonyourownthinking.Youcannevergettoogoodagraspofyourownbestwisdomandinsights.Findingsomeonewhocangiveyougoodcounselandwhoregularlyleavesyouinaclearerandmoresettledstateofmindisagreatasset.Thisis where good mentors shine. We would say that all legitimate mentoring is

centeredongivingcounsel.Counselinvariablybeginswithlotsofquestionsaimedat accurately understanding you, what you’re saying, and what you’re goingthrough.Good counselorswill often seem to ask the samequestion a couple oftimesfromdifferentpointsofview,tobesurethey’regettingit.Theywilloftentrytosummarizeorrestatesomethingyou’vesaidandask,“DidIgetthatright?”Thisapproachtellsyouthatthey’refocusedonyou—notonthemselves.

Thevalueofmentors’ life experiencewhen theyaregivingcounsel liesnot inborrowingwhat factsoranswers theyknowbut inaccessing thebreadthof theirexperience and their objectivity,whichhelps them tohelp you to see your ownreality in a new way. Good mentors spend most of their time listening, thenofferingpossiblereframingsofyoursituationthatallowyoutohavenewideasandcomeupwiththeanswersthatwillworkforyou.

Ofcourse,thisisjustouradvice.Discernment. We talked about discernment in chapter 9, when we discussed

making good decisions by employing multiple ways of knowing. Mentors canmake aparticularly valuable contribution to yourdiscernmentprocesswhen it’stimetomakechoices. Importantdecisionsare seldomeasy,andthereare lotsofcompeting issues and trade-off considerations that conspire to make it awfullynoisyinyourhead.Whenyou’vegotanoisybrain,that’sagreattimetoconnectwithamentorwhocancounselyou.Thementorcanlistentoyoudumpoutallthestuffgoingoninsideyouandhelpyoutomakesenseofitall,sortingitintothebigstuff,thesmallstuff,andtheirrelevantstuff.Agoodmentorwilldothiswith somecare, andeven some trepidation.Sortingandprioritizing issuesoftencomesveryclosetopointingsomeonetowardapreferredchoice.Agoodmentorwill resist tellingyouwhat todo,orwillat leastbeexplicitlycautiousabout therisksofoverinfluencingyou.Shemightsay,“Well, look, I’mreallynot trying totellyouthatIthinktherightthingistotakethatpromotionandmovetoBeijingforayear,butIdonoticethateverytimeyoutalkaboutChinayoulightupandyousmile.Haveyounoticed that? If so,youprobablyshould just takea lookatthat. I’m not saying go to China; I just think there’s something there worthnoticing.”

TheLongViewandtheLocalView.Mentorscomeinlotsofforms.Somepeoplearefortunateenoughtofindalifelongmentor,someonewhoreallycaresabouttheirlives and is committed towalkingwith them throughout their journey for yearsandyears.But that’snot theonlykindofvaluablementor.Youcanfindtopicalmentors (parenting, finances, spirituality, etc.), and you can find ad hoc or

seasonalmentors (getting through thepregnancy,handlingyour firstmanagerialrole,dealingwithelderlyparents,movingtoCostaRica).Therereallyarenoruleshere—justbeonthelookoutforpeoplewhocanprovidementoringassistancetoyou.

Now, you’re probably wondering where you are going to find all these greatmentors.(Ifyou’renot,thenskipthispart;youareoneoftheluckyoneswhoarewellstockedwithmentors.)Wesuggestthattherearemanymorepeoplecapableofgiving good mentoring than there are good mentors. Lots of people withsignificant life experience and thewillingness to listen andprovide counsel (notjustadvice)areoutthere,butmanyofthemdon’tthinkofthemselvesasmentors,or aren’t skilled in the practice of amentoring conversation. It’s not that thesepeoplearen’tmentors—theyarejustnotwhatwecallmastermentors.

Thisiswherebeingagoodmenteecomesin.Youdon’tneed100percentmastermentors.Sure,mastermentorsaregreat,andifyou’vegotsome,hangontothem.Butall you reallyneedarementor-capablepeople fromwhomyoucanextract amentorcontribution.It’ssurprisinglyeasytodo.Youjusthavetobetheinitiator.Whenyouidentifysomeonewhoyouthinkcanserveyouasamentor,findawayto spend some timewith theperson anddirect the conversation to the areas inwhichyouwanthelp.Specifically,askhimnotsomuchtotellyouwhathe’ddoastousehisinsightsandexperiencetotrytohelpyousortoutyourownthinking.

“Hey,Harold.IreallyappreciatethewayyouandLouisehaveraisedyourkids,and,frankly,thiswholefatherthingscarestheheckouttame.CouldIbuyyouacupofcoffeejusttohearsomeofyourstoriesaboutthatsometime?”

Of course,Haroldwill say yes (and, yes, this approach is strikingly similar tohowwesetupaprototypeconversationinchapter6).Whenyougettogether,afteryouhaveHaroldtellyousomeoftheendearingandsomeofthescaryfatheringmomentsherecalls,youjustask,“Iwonderifyoucoulddothisforme.I’vegotasituationbrewingwithSkippy, andLucy and I arekindof flummoxedabout it.WhatifIjusttellyouwhatwe’vegotonourminds,andmaybeyoucouldhelpmehearmyownbestthoughtsonthis?IthinkSkippyisprettydifferentfromanyofyour and Louise’s kids, but you’ve got a practiced father’s ear, and maybe youcould helpme sort out themajors from theminors of whatwe’re dealingwithhere.”

ThatmaybeadifferentrolefromanythingHaroldisusedto,buthe’llgiveithis best shot and probably do pretty well. If he veers into advice, just listenrespectfully and come back to the request. He’ll probably get it; if he doesn’t,

nothing lost and you can try someone else. This way, you can build your ownstableofmentorswithouthavingtowaitforoneofthemastermentorstoappearonthehorizon.

BeyondTeamtoCommunity

Ifyou’relikemostofthepeoplewe’veworkedwith,you’llfindthetimeyouspendwith your LifeDesignTeam and collaborators to be pretty stimulating and life-giving.Thekindofsupportandsincereandrespectfullisteningthatwe’rehopingyou’re experiencing as you do this are pretty habit-forming. There is somethingincrediblyspecialaboutbeingpartofacommunity.It’showhumansaresupposedtolive.

Communityismorethanjustsharingresourcesorhangingoutnowandthen.It’sshowingupandinvestingintheongoingcreationofoneanother’slives.Beinginthatkindofcommunityisagreatwaytolive,andwehighlyrecommenditasanongoingpractice,notjustwhenmakingbigplansorstartingnewthings.

Identifyingwhat sustainingpracticeswillhelpkeepyougrowingandenjoyingyourwell-designedlifeisanimportantpartoftheformula,andcommunityisanimportantpiece.

Sowhat exactly dowemean by a “community” whenwe’re talking about anongoingexperience,notjustyouradhocLifeDesignTeam?Onceuponatime,amajority of people found themselves organically located in a community. Theywere raised in a church or a faith tradition. Theywere part of a large extendedfamilythatactivelygatheredregularlyandinparticularways.Theymayhavebeenparticipants in a career, such as the military, or an avocation, such as rockclimbing,thatbroughtacommunitywithit.Buttodaymostpeopledonothaveaready-made community—a place to return to regularly where they can have thiskindoflifeconversation.Tofinda“community”asweintendit,you’relookingforagroupofpeoplethatsharesmostofthefollowingattributes:

Kindred Purpose. Healthy communities are about something—not just gettingtogether to get together. Dave’s community exists to become people of greaterintegrity in living out their faith in all aspects of their lives. Bill’s communitygathers to support one another in becoming better fathers and more authenticmen. Themost effective communities have an explicitmission that keeps them

directedandmoving.It’sjustmucheasiertokeepmovingifyou’removingtowardsomething.BothBill’sandDave’scommunitiesveerintoallmannerofotherstuff—socialactivities,recreationalevents,andthelike—butthereisalwaysthatNorthStarpullingthembackto“whywe’rehere.”

Meets Regularly.Whether at the same time everyweek ormonthor quarter ornot, the community must meet regularly. It must gather frequently enough tosustain a consistent, ongoing conversation in which the members can pick upwhere they left off last time without starting all over again and again. The realintentionhereisthatparticipationinthecommunitybecomesapracticeinandofitself. The community isn’t just gathering for the ad hoc purpose of getting aproject done or finishing reading the book together—it gathers because itsparticipants agree that a life lived in a community-supported way is a betterdesignedlife,andtheystickwithit.Neitherofuscouldhaveendedupintheliveswenowlivehaditnotbeenfortheongoingpracticeofthiskindofcommunity.

SharedGround.Ifpossible,inadditiontoakindredpurpose,it’shelpfultohaveother shared ground. This is usually in the form of values or point of view. InBill’sdads’discussiongroup,mostoftheguyssharethehopeofbeingbetterdadsthan they had themselves; they are committed to total honesty (there’s aNoBSrule);andtheyallarewillingtotrynewthingsand“dothework,”includingtryingcrazyexercises—suchasaskingsomeonetoplaydead,thentalkingabouthimasifthey were at his funeral. As long as you’re alive it’s not too late to revise thepotentialcontentofyoureulogy,soeachmemberlistensandcanthendecideifhelikes who he’s become or not. This explicit shared ground keeps the grouptogether, keeps the conversation going, and acts as a means of establishingpriorities andmediating issues as the group journeys together. Even though nomorethanasharedaffection(“gettingalongwell”)andawillingnesstoparticipatemaybe enough toget started,we’ve seldomseen thatbe enough toholdpeopletogetherforthelonghaul.

ToKnowandBeKnown.Somegroupsareallaboutthecontentortheprocess,andsomegroupsareallaboutthepeople.Wearetalkingaboutacommunitythat’satleastinlargepartaboutthepeople.Youcanbeinareallygreatbookclub,wherepeopledothereadingandshowuppreparedandhavethoughtfuldiscussionsonwriting,narrative,andthestateofcivilsocietyplusalittlewinetastingontheside,andyouallreallylikeoneanother,andit’sgreat.Butthat’snotacommunityaswemean it. It really is great—don’t get us wrong. It has a purpose (informed bookdiscussions), it has shared ground (reading novels makes us more interesting,thoughtful,andopen-minded),anditmeetsregularly(firstTuesdayofthemonth)

—butwearen’tengagedinoneanother’slives,andwedon’tactuallyhavetoknowoneanotheratalltomakethecommunitywork.Thatgreatbookclubwouldnotlikelybeaplacetohavethisconversation.Acommunitydoesn’thavetobemadeupentirelyofintimates,butthereshouldbesomelevelofpersonaldisclosureaboutwhateachpersonisuptoandhowit’sgoing.

Whatmakes an effective community isnothavingpeople in itwith the rightexpertiseor information.Whatmakes itwork ispeoplewith the right intentionandpresence. It ismosthelpful tobewithpeoplewhoare tryingtoconnect thedotsandliveincoherencewiththemselvesandtheworldinanhonestway.Beingaroundadentistwhoisdoingasincere jobof turningintoherbestself ismoreencouraging and impactful, despite your being totally uninterested in dentistry,thanbeing in communitywith someonewhohas exactly the same interests andcareer aspirations as you but who isn’t being sincerely present and engaginghonestly with his hopes and struggles. You don’t need everyone to stripemotionallynaked,butyouwantagroupinwhichyou’regoingtobeknownandyou’re going to know others at a level where you feel like you’re all in thistogether.

Here’s a way to test what we mean. Think of the different groups you’veparticipated in over the years. You can probably think of groups in which thepeopleweretalkingaboutideasabouttheirlives,andgroupsinwhichthepeoplewere actually talking about their lives. It’s the difference between commentatorsandparticipants.It’sacommunityofparticipantsthatyou’relookingfor.

Ourhopeforthisbookisthatitwillhelpyoufindorcreatesuchacommunity.Byallmeans,readitatyournextbookclub,butthenfindthosewhoarewillingtogoonthis journeywithyou.Lifedesign isa journey,andit’sreallynotasmuchfuntotravelalone.

Fornow,wewantyoutoknowthatweconsideryoupartofourteam,andinviteyou tobe a part of our community. Findouthow todo thathere (www.designingyour.life).

TryStuff

BuildingaTeam

1. MakealistofthreetofivepeoplewhomightbeapartofyourLifeDesignTeam.Thinkofyoursupporters,yourintimates,yourmentorsorpossiblementors.Ideally,thesewillbethreetofivepeoplealsoactivelyengagedindesigningtheirlives.

2. Makesureeveryonehasacopyofthebook(orbuybooksforeveryone),soallthemembersofyourteamunderstandhowlifedesignworksandhavereviewedtheteamrolesandrules.

3. Agreetomeetregularlyandactivelytoco-createawell-designedlifeasacommunity.

Conclusion

AWell-DesignedLife

What does a well-designed and balanced life look like? Imagine a day cut intoperfectlyequalpiecesofpie—oneslice forcareer,oneslice forplayandfun,onesliceforfamilyandfriends,onesliceforhealth.Whatisyourperfectpie?Weallknowtheareasofourlivesthatareinneedofa littlemoretimeandeffort,andcould benefit from a little more design thinking and a little less worry,rumination,andshould’ve/would’ve/could’vethinking.

Now,howmuchof yourday todaydid you actually spendhaving some fun?Advancingyourcareer?Nurturingyourrelationships?Takingcareofyourhealth?Prototypingwhat’snext?Whatdoesyourpiereallylooklike?

Letustellyoualittlesecret.Thereisnoperfectpie.Itisvirtuallyimpossibleonany given day to devote yourself equally to all the areas of your life that areimportanttoyou.

Balancehappensovertime.Lifedesignhappensovertime.BillGates,theworld’srichestman(asof2015),didnotgetthatwaybyhaving

work/love balance on any given day.When he launchedMicrosoftWindows in1985 and took the company public in 1986, no one would have called him aphilanthropist doing good in the world. And it’s also probably safe to say thatbackin1998hewasn’tspendinganequalpartofhisdaynurturingrelationshipsand an equal part defending government charges against him for abusingmonopolypower.

Balanceisamyth,anditcausesalotofgriefandheartacheformostofus.Aswesaidearlier,wedon’tfightreality,andlivinginrealitymeanslookingat

andacceptingwhere you are rightnow.Lifedesign is really aboutbeing able toanswerthequestion“How’sitgoing?”

Itispossibletodesignyourlifeinsuchawaythatwhenthoseclosesttoyouaregivingyoureulogytheywillsay,“Overall,hehadaprettyevenlyslicedpie.”

Okay,somaybeyoudon’twantsomeonetosayexactlythatinyoureulogy,butyougettheidea.Weknowwedon’twantsomeonetostandupatourfuneralsandsay, “Dave had good written and verbal communication skills.” Or “Bill reallydemonstratedtheabilitytojugglecompetingprioritiesandmovequickly.”Lifeisabout more than a paycheck and job performance. We all want to know wematteredtosomeone.Weallwanttoknowourworkcontributedtotheworld.Weallwanttoknowwelovedandwelivedthebestwecould,withasmuchpurposeandmeaningaspossible,andthatwehadaprettyfuntimedoingit.

Andyouonlyunderstandthatinretrospect,becauseawell-designedlifeisn’tanoun—it’saverb(technicallyitisanounphrasebutyouknowwhatwemean).

DysfunctionalBelief:Ifinisheddesigningmylife;thehardworkisdone,andeverythingwillbegreat.Reframe:Youneverfinishdesigningyourlife—lifeisajoyousandnever-endingdesignprojectofbuildingyourwayforward.

Some of you are reading this book to improve a life that’s already pretty okay;others are reading thisbookaspartof a significant transition that you’ve eitherintendedorthatrealityhasthrustuponyou.Youhaveimportantplanstoexecute,youhavechoicestomake,andonceyoudothat,yourlifewillbequitedifferentfromwhatitusedtobe.Inthatsense,yournewdesignwillbeinplaceandtheolddesignwillbebehindyou—andthatshiftisindeedabigdeal.Youcanreallyfeelit.Butyourlifedesigningisnotover.

So, ifwayfinding ishowyoufoundyourway into the lifedesignyouwant tolive,thenit’salsothewaytoliveit.Justkeepbuildingyourwayforward.Designisn’tjustatechniquetoaddressproblemsandprojects—it’sawayofliving.Oneofthe reasons thatdesign thinkinghasworked sowell inourDesigningYourLifeclasses and consulting is that it’s so human. In 1963,when Stanford first beganteachingdesign, itwaswiththeuniqueapproachofconceiving“human-centereddesign”(HCD).Atthetime,thiswasasignificantdeparturefromclassicaldesignmethodologies,whichwereskill-centered,orart-centered,orengineering-centered,or manufacturing-centered. And the early work that went into developing theStanford designmethodology did a very good job of keeping humanness at the

centerofthingsandgettingthehumanitypartright.Sinceyourlifeisadecidedlyhumanenterprise,itmakessensethathuman-centereddesignapplieswell.

Further,inlifedesignweonlytakeonthequestionofhowtodesignyourlife—notwhatlifeyoushouldliveorwhyonelifeisbetterthananother.

Our friendTimgraduated fromcollegewithadegree inelectricalengineeringandwenttoworkinSiliconValley.Hisfirstjobwasinafast-pace,just-gone-publicstart-upwherehewasdesigning cutting-edgemicroprocessors.However, afterhisfirst design project got canceled, Tim re-evaluated all those long nights andweekends and came to the conclusion that work was not going to be themainfocusofhislife.Hevaluedplayandlovemuchmore,andrealizedthatheneededtomakesomechanges.

He switched jobs to a more mature company, rose to a comfortable seniorposition,andthenjuststayedthere.He’sbeeninthatroleforalmosttwentyyears,havingbecomeverywellrespectedasatechnicalguruinhisfirm,andhasturneddownpromotionsandthemoneythatcomeswithoneagainandagain.

“You have to make enough money to pay the bills and have the things youneed,” says Tim. In his case, thismeans supporting his family,making sure hiskidshaveaccesstoagreateducation,andhavinganicehouseinBerkeley.“Afterthat, what’s the point? I’d rather have more fun and more friends. Money,promotions,andmoreresponsibilitydonotmotivateme.Thepointofhavingagoodlifeistobehappy,nottowork.”

Tim’sdesignisworking,andhe’soneofthemostbalancedguysweknow.Heisagreatdadandthecenterofavibrantsociallife,haslotsoffriends,playsmusicalmosteveryweek,hashisowncocktailblog,onwhichhepromoteshiscocktailinventions, reads a lot, and is one of the happiest people you’ll evermeet.Hishealthworkplay/ lovedashboard is fullofgreen lights,andheplans tokeep itthat way. And he’s a great example of a well-thought-out life design strategy inwhichworkisn’tthemostimportantthing.

DisruptingLife

Someofthereframeswe’veofferedmaybedisruptive;unlearningthingsisoftenharder and more important than learning things. But we’ll wager that none ofwhatyou’ve learnedorunlearned inyour sojourn through thisbookwithus—as

disruptiveorobviousorupsettingorenlighteningasitmightbe—willactuallyturnyouintoadifferentperson.Weanticipatethatitwilljustmakeyoumorelikeyou.Thisiswhatgooddesignalwaysdoes:itreleasesthebestofwhatwasalreadytherewaitingtobefoundandrevealed.Sincethefoundationofourdesignmethodologyis and always has been an explicitly humanprocess that is applied iteratively, itstandstoreasonthatitoffersnotonlyaninnovativeapproachtoconceivingthelifeyouwantbutawaytogoaboutlivingitaswell.Whichbringsusbacktothefivemind-sets.

We introduced the idea of life design in this book by telling you five simplethingsyouneedtodo: (1)becurious (curiosity), (2) trystuff (bias toaction), (3)reframeproblems(reframing), (4)knowit’saprocess (awareness),and(5)askforhelp (radical collaboration).We’ve reminded you of thesemind-sets throughoutthebookaswe’vewalkedthroughthevarious ideasandtools thatconstitute lifedesign.

Youcanapplysomeofthefivemind-setsvirtuallyanywhere,onanygivenday.Theopportunitiestoliveintobeingcuriousortotrystuffareendless.WerunanexerciseinourclassescalledDesigningYourWayForward,inwhichwehaveourstudentsidentifytwoorthreethingsintheirlifedesignprojectthattheyarestuckon, things that are going nowhere fast. We then ask them to ideate for fourminutesonthatstuckproblemwithtwootherstudents,whowillhelpthemapplyanyoneofthefivemind-setsasawaytogetunstuck.Howcan“becurious”helpyou overcome the fear of talking to the Nobel Prize–winning professor whoteaches your class?Well…you could:Ask three other studentswhometwith herwhat they talked about and how it went. See if she talks about her own collegeexperience anywhere in some article or interview, and if her twenty-year-old selfsharesanythingwithyours.Findoutifshe’severfailedmiserablyatsomeprojects(andwhattheywereifso),tomakeherseemmorehumanandlessscary.Andsoon.Whenwedothis,itturnsoutthatapplyinganyofthemind-setscanhelpyouget unstuck and take someprogressivenext steps.The same is true for thewell-lived life you’renow trying to engage.Here are some reminders for eachof themind-sets.

BeCurious.There’s something interestingabouteverything.Endlesscuriosity iskey to a well-designed life. Nothing is boring to everyone (even doing taxes orwashingthedishes).

Whatwouldsomeonewho’sinterestedinthiswanttoknow?Howdoesitwork?Whydotheydoitthatway?Howdidtheyusedtodoit?Whatdoexpertsinthisfieldargueaboutandwhy?What’sthemostinterestingthinggoingonhere?Whatdon’tIgetaboutwhat’shappeninghere?HowcouldIfindout?

TryStuff.Withabiastoaction,thereisnomorebeingstuck—nomoreworrying,analyzing,pondering,orsolvingyourwaythroughlife.Justdoit.

Howcanwetrythisbeforethedayisout?Whatwouldweliketoknowmoreabout?WhatcanIdothatwillanswerthat?Whatsortsofthingsareactionable,andifwetriedthem,whatmightwelearn?

ReframeProblems.Reframing isachange inperspective,andalmostanydesignproblemcanuseaperspectiveswitch.

WhatperspectivedoIactuallyhave?WhereamInowcomingfrom?Whatotherperspectivescouldotherpeoplehave?Namethem,andthendescribe

theproblemfromtheirperspective,notyours.

Redescribe your problem using some of the following reframe lenses: Yourproblem is actually very small. Very easy to fix. An opportunity more than aproblem. Something you can just skip entirely. Something you actually don’tunderstandatallyet.Notyourproblem.Andhowwillitlookayearlater?

Know It’s aProcess.Awarenessof theprocessmeansyoudon’tget frustratedorlost,andyoudon’tevergiveup.

Whatareallthestepsbehindyouandinfrontofyouthatyoucanimagine?Iswhat’sonyourmindactuallygermanetothestepyou’reonnow?Areyouontherightstep,orareyouaheadoforbehindyourself?Whathappensifyoudon’tthinkmorethanonestepahead?What’s the worst thing that can happen? How likely is it to happen, and what

wouldyoudoifitdid?What’sthebestthingthatcanhappen?

Writedownallthequestions,worries,ideas,andhopesthatyouhave,andthenaskyourselfifyouknowwhattodonext.Doesitfeeldifferentnow?

Ask forHelp.Radical collaborationmeans that you aren’t alone in theprocess.Findasupporteryoucantalktoaboutwhatyou’reinthemidstof—rightnow.Tellthispersonyoursituationforfiveminutes,andaskforfiveminutesoffeedbackanddiscussion.Howdoyoufeelnow(regardlessofwhatyoursupportersaid—justtalkingtosomeoneotherthanyourself)?Therearelotsofwaystogetcollaborationstarted:

Buildateam.Createacommunity.Who are all the different groups and constituencies involved in what you’re

workingon?Areyouconnectedtoand inconversationwithallof them?Ifnot—getgoing.

Keepanask-for-helpjournalinwhichyoujotdownthequestionsyouwanthelpon, andkeep ithandy.Eachweek, identify somepeoplewho canhelp youwithsomeofthejournalentriesandreachouttothem.Journalanswersandresultsfromyourhelpers.

Findamentor.Callyourmother(she’dloveit—youknowshewould).

Ifyoutrytokeepthemind-setsasanactiveorientationtohowyou’relivinganduse them as part of your life design implementation as well as part of yourinnovationprocess,you’llveryquicklygetthehangofit.It’sasimplelist,andittakesalmostnoeffort tobringthesemind-sets to theforefrontofyourthinking

and see if they can serve you. In short order, you’ll find a natural, organicadoptionofthemind-setsaspartofyourownway.

JustTwoMoreThings

Beyondthefivemind-sets,therearetwomorethingsthatyouparticularlywanttopayattentiontoinlivingyourwell-designedlife—yourcompassandyourpractices.Your compass is about those great big organizing ideas of your Workview andLifeview.These,alongwithyourvalues,providethefoundationforyouranswerto“How’sitgoing?”Theyinformyouifyouareonagoodtrackforyou,orareoutof sync with yourself. They determine if you’re living a coherent life in whichyou’ve got who you are, what you believe, and what you’re doing in adequatealignment. When we talk to our students two, three, five, or more years afterthey’ve graduated and left our class, they say that their compass is one of theexercises they keep coming back to.Most of us find that our primary views onthese questions stay fairly constant, but the specifics and the nuances and theprioritiesdochange,andit’sveryhelpfultostayontopofthat.Thebestwaytoknow what you really think and value about the big questions of life is to askyourselfandseewhatyouhavetosay.Weurgeyoutorevisityourcompassatleastannually,andrecalibrateit.Thiswillhelpyourevitalizethecreationofmeaninginyourlife.

Perhapsthemostimportantrecommendationwecangiveyoutosustainawell-designedlifeistoinvestinandcommittosomepersonalpracticesofthevarietywedescribed inchapter9. Inourownlives,bothofuswouldsay thatourpersonalgrowthinthisarea—therefinementanddisciplinedparticipationinpractices—hasbeenthesinglemostlife-givingthingwe’vedone.Eventhoughappreciationofthevalue of such practices (yoga,meditation, poetrywriting/reading, prayer, etc.) isgaining ground, this remains an area of great weakness, especially in modernsociety. Traditional Eastern cultures are better at it, but, frankly, almost nomoderncultures excelhere.Thegoodnews is that evena small effort canbringgreatresults.Byeducatingyouremotionsandmaturingyourdiscernmentthroughsuch practices, you stand to reap great benefits that are accessible on an almostdailybasis.

For example,Bill isnourishedby amorningmeditation (donewhile shaving)andthedailyaffirmationhereferredtoonhishealthdashboard:“Iliveinthebest

of all possible worlds. Everything I do today, I choose to do.” And then herecountsinhismindeverythinginfrontofhimthatday,remindshimselfthatallthosethingsarethingsheputthere,andthenre-choosesthembeforeenteringtheday.Healsonowdedicatessignificanttimeeachweektopaintinganddrawingtoanimatehiscreativebrainandexperiencethepurejoyofit.Andhemakesatleastonecomplexifnotgourmetmealaweek,todosomethingcreativethatotherscansharein.

Dave works to spend twenty minutes a day in silent meditation (technically“centering prayer”) to recenter himself in the love of God. He also now readspoetryatleastonceaweek,tryingtolearnhowtofeelthepoeminhisbody,notjustreaditinhishead.Hereliesonhiseruditewife,Claudia,tocuratehispoetryassignments, since he cleverly designed amarriage with amuch smarter spouse.AndheforgoesthespeedandthrillofroadcyclingasexerciseonceaweektowalkinthehillsforatleastfourmileswithClaudiaandthedogs,toslowthingsdownandseenaturemoreintimately.

Thesearesomeofthethingswedo,butwehopeyouwillbuildandprototypeyourownsetofpractices to findwhatworks foryouandhelpsyouto liveyourownwell-designedlife.

So—How’sItGoing?

Atthebeginningofthisbook,weintroducedyoutoEllenwholikedrocks,Janinethemisplaced lawyer, andDonald the lostmanager.Howdid lifedesignchangethewaytheyusedtoanswerthedifficultquestion“How’sitgoing?”intothewaytheyansweritnow?

Ellenknewshedidn’twanttobeageologist,butshealsoknewthatshelovedsomepartsofwhatshelearnedinschool,especiallytheorganizingandcataloguingthatcomewithbeingageologist.Andshestilllikedrocks,especiallythefinegemsusedinjewelry.SoshedecidedtogetgoodatbeingluckyandstartedLifeDesignInterviewing. She discovered that project management jobs require people whoexcel atorganizing and categorizing tasks andpeople.That felt like a fit toher.Aftera fewmore interviews, shenetworkedherway toa start-upthatwasdoing,amongotherthings,onlinejewelryauctions.Herloveof“rocks”andhernaturalorganizational talent came through in the conversation, andher curiosity about

thecompanyreallystoodout.TheLifeDesignInterviewquicklyturnedintoajobinterview.Twoyearsandseveralpromotionslater,sheisnowtheaccountmanagerforeverythingthecompanydoesintheirhigh-fashionauctionbusiness.

Janine really worked on her compass and developed personal practices thathelpedhertorecognizeandtrustherowninnervoice.Shefoundjournalinglife-giving and eventually recognized that the reason journaling had become soimportant to her was that she is a writer—a poet, actually. After she had beenworkingonherwritingonthesideforatime,sheandherhusbanddecideditwastimeforherto“goforit,”andsheenteredanM.F.A.poetrygraduateprogram;shehasnowbegunanew(andfrugal)lifeasaspeaker,writer,andpoet.

Donaldusedthemind-setofcuriositytoreframehiscomplaint,“WhythehellamIdoingthis?,”intoanewquestion,“Whatissointerestingaroundtherethatitkeepsall thesepeoplecomingbacktothiscompanydayafterday?”Hefollowedthatquestion into lotsofLifeDesign Interviewswithhis colleagues, looking fortheoneswhowere really enjoying themselves andhad figuredout justwhat thehelltheyweredoingthere.WhenhecombinedhisinsightsfromthosestorieswiththeresultsfromhisGoodTimeJournal,thepatternwasclear.Thewaytogetre-energizedwastorefocusonthepeople.Hediscoveredthathewasn’tinthewrongplace,hewasjustinthewrongstateofmind.He’dgottensopreoccupiedwiththewhat and the how of business success and family responsibilities that he’dcompletelyforgottenthewhyandthewho.Hereinventedhimselfwithouthavingtochangeanythingabouthissituation.Reframinghisworkfrom“gettingthejobdone” to “creating a dynamic culturewheremy employees love theirwork”wastransformative.

NeitherEllen,Janine,norDonald(norClara,Elise,Kurt,Chung,or…)usedallthe tools, but they all took up the challenge, got unstuck, and built their wayforward.We are grateful to have known them and tohave been a small part oftheirlives.

We know that writing a book called Designing Your Life gives each of us theopportunity to be either a living example of how this stuff works or a bighypocrite.Weeachputtheseideasandtoolstoworkonadailybasis,andweareconstantlyprototypingnewexercises,newwaysofthinking,andnewwaysoflivingintoawell-designedlife.Wehavesharedwithyousomeofourdailypractices,andencourageyoutogotoourwebsite(www.designingyour.life)foracompletelistofdailypracticesyoumightliketotry.

Ourlivesareconstantlyevolving—fromengineers,toconsultants,toteachers,to

authors—and with each step of the journey we are constantly grateful andperpetuallycurioustoseewhatourwell-designedlifewilllooklikenext.

Throughoutthisbook,we’vesharedwithyouthestoriesofmanypeoplewe’veworkedwithandgottentoknowalongtheway.Thoughnoteveryoneis“livingthedream,” we can say with an informed confidence that every one of ourcollaboratorswhohasputintopracticeatleastsome(ifnotall)ofthesetoolsandideashasmaderealprogressinwaysnoneofthemhadexperiencedbefore.

We have enjoyed a long and radical collaboration with each other and withthousandsofstudentsandclientswhohaveembarkedonthejourneyoflifedesignwithus,andwelookforwardtocollaboratingwithyou.

Wehopeyouwillletusknowhowit’sgoing,but,moreimportant,wehopeyouareabletoanswer“How’sitgoing?”satisfyinglyforyourself.

Lifedesignisultimatelyawayoflifethatwilltransformhowyoulookatyourlifeandhowyouliveyourlife.Theendresultofawell-designedlifeisalifewelllived.

And,really,isthereanythingmorewecouldhopefor?

Acknowledgments

Therearemanypeoplewhohavebeenimportantandencouragingontheroadtowriting this book. At the great risk of leaving someone out, we wish toacknowledge:

EugeneKorsunskiy andKyleWilliams,our foundingLifeDesignFellows, forbelievinginusandforworkinghardintheircrucialrolegettingtheLabstarted.

The Stanford d.Life Fellows Jon Kleiman, Gabriel Lomeli, Gabriel Wilson,Kristin Mayer, Kathy Davies, Gabrielle Santa-Donato, and Lauren Pizer forembodying“radical collaboration”andhelpinggrowDesigningYourLife intoagiftforeveryone.

David Kelley, for creating the position of executive director of Stanford’sProductDesign program forme (Bill), lettingme teach whatever I wanted, andstartingthejourneythatledtothisbook.

Professor Sheri Sheppard for being a stalwart DYL supporter, heroic gradstudentadvocate,andartfulfacultymentorwillingtotakeagambleonacoupleofguyswithmeremaster’sdegrees.

Totheforward-thinking leadersatStanfordwhobelieved inthepowerofLifeDesign and paved the way for changing the university and, hopefully, highereducation: Harry Elam, Ph.D., vice provost of undergraduate education; PattiGumport,Ph.D.,viceprovostofgraduateeducation;BradOsgood,Ph.D.,formerdeanofstudents,SchoolofEngineering;GregBoardman,viceprovostofstudentaffairs.

A special recognition to our first collaborators who partnered with us in theveryearlydaysandwhoseyearsofsupportandencouragementhavemadeallthedifference: Scotty McClennan, dean of religious life (retired), who modeledpatienceandpersistence inbringingcultural change;ShariPalmer,associateviceprovostofundergraduateeducation,whocoachedusonhowtheuniversitythinks;Lance Choy, former executive director of the career development center, whobroke it all open when he asked the seminal question “Can’t you do this for

students ineverymajor?”;andJulieLythcott-Haims,formerdeanoffreshmen,whopushed us to reach out to the entire student body, energized us with reliableencouragements, and showed us the way to growing DYL beyond ourselves bybecomingourfirstcertifiedco-instructor.

Lindsay Oishi, Ph.D., and Tim Reilly, Ph.D., who made the huge personalinvestment of dedicating their doctoral research projects to demonstrating theefficacyofDYL,andinsodoingsetourworkapartandensuredwegavepeoplewhat theydeserved.ToProfessorsDanSchwartz andBillDamon, their advisers,for their support and guidance, and Dr. Denise Pope, founder of ChallengeSuccess, forhercarefulresearch insightsanddemonstrationthatyoucanchangetheeducationsystem.

RandyBare,thendirectorofWestminsterHouseattheUniversityofCaliforniaatBerkeley,forinnocentlysuggestingtome(Dave)in1999,“Youshouldteachacoursehere!,”andkickedoffmyfourthcareerasaneducator.

Dr.SharonDaloz-Parks,whoaskedme(Dave)withuncannypresciencesomanyyearsago,“Areyoureadyforwherethiswilltakeyou?,”andhasneverflaggedinhersoulfulsupportandlovingexhortation.

BobMcKim,whocreatedtheProductDesignprogramatStanfordandrescuedalostphysicsmajor(Bill),startingmeonacareerthathasbeensomuchfun.AndBernieRoth,amentorandguide,andtheonepersonweturntowhenwehavetofigureoutuniversitypolitics.

JimAdams,whoinspiredbothofusasundergraduatestudentsandtaughtustobustconceptualblocks,includingtheoneheputinfrontofusin2007whenhesaid,“Idon’tknowhowyouguyscouldactuallyteachthisstuff!,”whichspurredustofigureouthowtodoit.

Andtothosespecialpeoplewhoselivesappearbetweenthesepagestohelpusshowyouhow lifedesignreallyworks.We’veborrowed their stories tohelpyouwrite yours (and, of course, we’ve changed their names). For their invaluablecontributiontopersonalizingandhumanizingthisbook,weareforevergrateful.

Therearetwospecialpeoplewhomadethisbookpossibleinthemosttangibleway:

LaraLove,ourcollaborativewriter, for findingthe truevoiceofBill-and-Daveand crafting thewordswe’d havewritten ifwewere realwriters like she.We soappreciate her patience in enduring countless hours of meetings, videos, andrecordingswithnoweakeningofherardorfortheworkorsincereaffectionforus.When our own energies were flagging, we could simply borrow from her

bottomless well of cheerful readiness and productive availability. Larademonstratedanincredibleabilitytolistendeeplyandthenwriteusperfectly.Shedidnotwriteforusoraboutusoronbehalfofus.Shewroteus,andweandeveryoneofourreadersarewellservedbyherfinework.

DougAbrams,ouragent,bookco-inventor, ideaarchitect,publishingindustrytour guide, honest friend, and all-around great collaborator. It’s safe to say thatwithoutDougthisbookwouldn’thavehappened.Afterourfirstfailedattemptatwritingadraftthatwasessentiallyaboringscriptofourclass,weknewweneededhelp.Doug becameour bookdesign consultant and led the effort to figure outwhatbookitreallywasthatwehadtooffertheworldandhowtoarchitectitwellforourreader.Dougthebookdesignertaughtuswhatabookwas.ThenDougtheagentswungintoaction,droppedthevelvetrope intothepublishingworld,andsaid,“Followme,guys—getreadyfortherideofyourlife.”It’sbeenagreatridesofar,andwecan’twaittoseewhatcomesnext.

Finally,we’dliketothankthewholeextraordinaryteamatKnopf,butonebookchampion at the publisher’s stands alone—Vicky Wilson, our editor and chiefculturechangeofficer.WecannotdescribeadequatelythedifferenceithasmadetohaveVicky leadthecharge toput thisbookintotheworld.Hercommitment tothebookandtouswasimmediate.Sheisaforceofnature,andthebook’ssuccessisunconditionallyrootedinherdecisiontobringitintobeing.HerconfidenceinandvisionfortheculturalcontributionDesigningYourLifecanmakehasbeenourdependable fount of renewable energy. Even experienced designers needinspiration,andVickyhasprovidedit touswithoutpausefromthemomentwemet.Vicky,youhadusat“Hellodarlings…”—anditwasoneofthebestthingsthateverhappenedtous.Thankyou,thankyou,Vicky.

Notes

Introduction:LifebyDesign

1. JonKrakower,inventoroftheApplenotebookconfiguration,seeEuropeanPatentEP0515664B1,LaptopComputerHavingIntegratedKeyboard,CursorControlDeviceandPalmRest,andArtemisMarch,ApplePowerBook(A):DesignQualityandTimetoMarket,DesignManagementInstituteCaseStudy9-994-023(Boston:DesignManagementInstitutePress,1994).

2. LindsayOishi,“EnhancingCareerDevelopmentAgencyinEmergingAdulthood:AnInterventionUsingDesignThinking,”doctoraldissertation,GraduateSchoolofEducation,StanfordUniversity,2012.T.S.Reilly,“DesigningLife:StudiesofEmergingAdultDevelopment,”doctoraldissertation,GraduateSchoolofEducation,StanfordUniversity,2013.

3. Tolearnmoreaboutthesecompanies,visithttp://embraceglobal.organdhttps://d-rev.org.

4. WilliamDamon,ThePathtoPurpose:HowYoungPeopleFindTheirCallinginLife(NewYork:FreePress,2009).

Chapter2BuildingaCompass

1. Wehavedrawnmanyofourideasandexercisesfromtheworkofthepositivepsychologymovement,andespeciallyfromtheworkofMartinSeligman.Thenotionthat“peoplewhocanmakeanexplicitconnectionbetweentheirworkandsomethingsociallymeaningfultothemaremorelikelytofindsatisfaction,andarebetterabletoadapttotheinevitablestressesandcompromisesthatcomewithworkingintheworld”isoneoftheimportantideasinSeligman’sbookFlourish:AVisionaryNewUnderstandingofHappinessandWell-Being(NewYork:AtriaBooks,2012).

Chapter3Wayfinding

1. Formoreinformationontheconceptofflow,seeFlow:ThePsychologyofOptimalExperiencebyMihalyCsikszentmihalyi(NewYork:HarperPerennial,2008).

2. SeeSuzanaHerculano-Houzel’sTEDTalk“What’ssospecialaboutthehumanbrain?,”https://www.ted.com/talks/suzana_herculano_houzel_what_is_so_special_about_the_human_brain;andNikhilSwaminathan,“WhyDoestheBrainNeedSoMuchPower?,”ScientificAmerican,April29,2008,http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-does-the-brain-need-s/.

3. TheAEIOUframeworkcomesfromDevPatnaik,Needfinding:DesignResearchandPlanning(Amazon’sCreateSpaceIndependentPublishingPlatform,2013).

Chapter5DesignYourLives

1. StevenP.Dow,AlanaGlassco,JonathanKass,MelissaSchwarz,DanielL.Schwartz,andScottR.Klemmer,“ParallelPrototypingLeadstoBetterDesignResults,MoreDivergence,andIncreasedSelf-Efficacy,”ACMTransactionsonComputer-HumanInteractions17,no.4(Dec.2010).

2. InadditiontoHomerandtheGreeks,weborrowedtheterm“odysseyyears”fromDavidBrooks,thenotedNewYorkTimescolumnist.InhisOctober9,2007,column,Brookswasdescribingthenewrealitiesoftwenty-two-to-thirty-five-year-oldAmericanswhenhesaid,“Withalittleimaginationit’spossibleevenforbabyboomerstounderstandwhatit’sliketobeinthemiddleoftheodysseyyears[italicsadded].It’spossibletoseethatthisperiodofimprovisationisasensibleresponsetomodernconditions.”DavidBrooks,“TheOdysseyYears,”TheOpinionPages,NewYorkTimes,October9,2007,http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/09/opinion/09brooks.html?_r=0.

Chapter7HowNottoGetaJob

1. Froma2015report,TheRecruitmentPowerShift:HowCandidatesArePoweringtheEconomy,onCareerBuilder,whichcanbefoundathttp://careerbuildercommunications.com/candidatebehavior/.

Chapter8DesigningYourDreamJob

1. https://test.naceweb.org/press/faq.aspx.

Chapter9ChoosingHappiness

1. PeterSaloveyandJohnD.Mayer,“EmotionalIntelligence,”Imagination,CognitionandPersonality9(1990):185−211.

2. DanGolemanistheauthorofEmotionalIntelligence(NewYork:Bantam,1995)andthefollow-upbookSocialIntelligence:TheNewScienceofHumanRelationships(NewYork:Bantam,2006)fromwhichwedrawthenotionofthe“wisdomoftheemotions.”ForaninformativeandinterestingsummaryoftheseideasgotoDan’sSocialIntelligenceTalksatGoogleathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hoo_dIOP8k.

3. FormoreonDanGilbert’sideason“synthesizinghappiness”watchhisTEDTalk,“TheSurprisingScienceofHappiness,”http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happyandreadStumblingonHappiness(NewYork:Knopf,2006).

4. FormoreonBarrySchwartz’sideasonchoiceandchoosingwatchhisTEDTalk,“TheParadoxofChoice?,”https://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice?language=en.

Chapter10FailureImmunity

1. AngelaDuckworth’sstudiesongritandself-controlaresummarizedinagreatarticle:DanielJ.Tomasulo,“Grit:WhatIsItandDoYouHaveIt?,”PsychologyToday,January8,2014,https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-healing-crowd/201401/grit-what-is-it-and-do-you-have-it.

2. JamesP.Carse,FiniteandInfiniteGames(NewYork:FreePress,1986).

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