think before you say

8/13/2019 Think Before You Say

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/think-before-you-say 1/19

Think Before We Speak



Quotes

• "Even a fool, when he holds his peace, is counted

wise: and he that shuts his lips is esteemed a man of

understanding.“

• "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than tospeak out and remove all doubt." ~~Abraham

Lincoln: February 12, 1809 – April 15, 1865

• “By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever

harmed his stomach.” Sir Winston Churchill



How to Think Before Speaking

1. Observe yourself: Take note ofthe circumstances when whatyou say is not what you, uponreflection, would have wantedto say. Does it happen mostly

with one particular person or aparticular group of people or just groups in general? Is it mostoften in arguments or debates?Is it when you’re "on the spot"and pressed to supply

information? Try to find apattern. It might be helpful tostart a journal of events so youcan compare these at yourleisure.

http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-a-Journal





2. Recognize your situation: After

you determine what circumstances

might be most likely to produce this

unwanted effect, try to be very

observant about when those

conditions appear to be manifesting.

The more skilled you become at

recognizing this, the better you will

be at changing your approach.




3. Observe the conversation. Now

that you know you’re in one of

"those" situations, the goal is for you

to process information. Often when

we respond in a less than

appropriate way, it’s because we

didn’t fully comprehend what was

being said. This is the time to sit back

and listen to what’s going on around

you. Don’t start focusing on what

you’re going to say; just absorb. Yourmind will process this information in

the background.

http://www.wikihow.com/Listen

http://www.wikihow.com/Listen




4. Observe the people: Who is

speaking and how do they

communicate? Some people are very

literal and some people use

examples. Some people use a lot

of facial expression and body

language to augment their

conversation, whereas others rely on

complex verbiage. How people

convey information is a very good

indicator of how they best absorbinformation.

http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Pleasant-Facial-Expression

http://www.wikihow.com/Read-Body-Language










5. Formulate responses: Not just

one, but consider your options.

There are many different ways to say

things. and your goal here is to find

the best way to convey what you

want to say in a way that has a

positive impact. Communication is

primarily a function of the recipient

so you have to communicate based

on the listener.




6. Consider the information: Is what

you want to say Effective, Necessary,

Accurate, Timely, and Appropriate

(ENATA)? If you are just responding

because other people are talking,

then it’s possible your

communication doesn’t fit

the ENATA model. If not, then sit

back and continue to listen. You want

what you say to have impact, not just

make noise.




7. Gauge the reaction: Is the

information you’re going to present

formulated in a way to make a

positive impact? Creating a negative

atmosphere will guarantee failure in

communications. You want people to

understand that you are contributing

rather than detracting. It only takes

once to ruin your ability to

communicate during that time.

Identify how the listeners will react.




7. Be thoughtful about your

tone: How you say it is, in many

ways, as important as what you say.

Tone of voice can convey enthusiasm

and sincerity, or it can rebuff and

show sarcasm, and as most people

have experienced, what we say can

be taken in the wrong way. The most

likely reason is that the tone of voice,

what was said, body and facial

language, as well as content, werenot all thoughtfully combined to

integrate with the listener’s most

effective method of communication.




1. Observe yourself: Take note ofthe circumstances when whatyou say is not what you, uponreflection, would have wantedto say. Does it happen mostly

with one particular person or aparticular group of people or just groups in general? Is it mostoften in arguments or debates?Is it when you’re "on the spot"and pressed to supply

information? Try to find apattern. It might be helpful tostart a journal of events so youcan compare these at yourleisure.






9. Communicate: You now know

what you’ll say, why it’s ENATA, how

you’ll say it and the most likely

reaction. Wait for an appropriate

break in the conversation and speak.

It’s usually best not to interrupt,

although there are occasions when

that will work best. When to

interrupt is beyond the scope of this

document.




10. Repeat Step 1: While you’re

talking, consider what you’re saying

and keep a close watch on the

reactions as they emerge. After the

conversation is over, review the

whole process again in your mind

and note what you might have done

differently and why. This is an

ongoing process. Over time, you will

refine and improve – you will

become a better communicator andpeople will accept your responses

with a more open mind.



Tips

• Make sure your comments are relevant and appropriate to the conversation. Don’t stray from

the topic – stay focused.

• To remind yourself to think before saying something, pinch yourself on the finger or

somewhere discreet (gently, but just enough to get yourself on track). If you develop a

routine for answering a question, you will be less likely to say the first thing that comes to

mind.

• This will take time – it should become a part of your life. As you get better, you will be

regarded as someone whose opinion is valued.

• When you say something you shouldn't have, and if it was something hurtful, make a point to

apologize. Either immediately, or in private; however is most appropriate.

• Wait 5 or 10 seconds before responding. This gives you time to formulate a): whether a

response is required, and b): an appropriate and thoughtful response.

• When you say something you shouldn't have, fix it in your mind to avoid that specific

situation in the future.

• Before entering a room think about the people involved in the situation and the possible

questions you might be asked. Decide how you will respond and what points you want to

make before entering the room.

• Resting your chin on the back of your hand (as illustrated above) is a body language that can

convey thoughtfulness. Be aware of the surroundings, though, as it can also convey boredom.



Warnings

• Saying these many times will make your listener tired of hearing the same thing.

• Strictly avoid "flame speak." Insults or inappropriate personal references of anykind are frequently used on the Internet for effect, but in conversation theoutcome is quite different; you will lose respect and you are guaranteed a negativeresult. Remember - this is about thinking before you speak.

•

Avoid overuse of common phrases. Examples are 'the bottom line is'.• If you do not know what you’re talking about, do not try to be convincing. It’s okay

to express an opinion, but make sure people know you’re speculating.

• Absolutes are rarely accurate. Using terms like always or never provides anopening for argument. "Often," "frequently," "occasionally," "infrequently" and"rarely" are good substitutes. Keep in mind: "It's never always perfect," and always

remember to never use always and never.• If people aren't actually addressing you, they may not want your opinion. Try to

tone down how much you force yourself into conversations.

think before you say

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