thedifferencebetweenmenandwomenpb pt3.pdf

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AFemalepart

Mans3

Guide

MindThe

Difference


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Between

Men

and

Women


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1

TheDifferenceBetweenMen&Women

Vin:Allright,thissectionisaboutthedifferencebetween

womenandmen.Andtoreallyanswerthisquestion,Im

goingtointroduceBrianBurke,whoisnotonlyagood

friend,andtrainer,butreallythesecretweaponbehindall


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thisresearch.PandorasBoxisawayofunderstandingthe

femalemindandtherereallyisntanotherprojectlikeit.

Obviouslythereisadifferencebetweenhowmenthinkand

howwomenthink,andtobeginwith,weregoingtotalk

aboutthesedifferencesandexplorethem,andalsoexplore

howitaffectsourapproachindealingwithwomen.

Tostartout,whatImgoingtodoisintroducesome

commonmisconceptions,justtogeteveryoneonthesame

pagehere.AllrightBrian,soifyouwentuptoaguyonthe

streetandyouaskedhimwhatsthedifferencebetween

howwomenthinkandhowmenthink,mostguyswould

justsaywomenaremoreemotionalmenarelogical.Is

thatthebasicdifference?Andwhatdoyousaytoaguy

likethat?

Brian:Yes,sometimesthatisexactlywhatguysthink,womenare

moreemotionalandlessrational.Injusthavingregular

conversationswithmyfriendswhenImlikeofftheclock,

notnecessarilyworking,andwejusttalkaboutwomen

andstuff,theresaverycommonperceptionofwomenas


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justbeingallovertheplace,youdcallitwilly-nilly,much

ofthestufftheydodoesntmakeanysenseandthats

absolutelywrong.Womenareextremelylogical.Duringthe

thinkingprocesswomenfollowpatternsandtheyrejustas

rationalasmenare.But,theyredifferentonabiological


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level.Theyredifferentonaphysicallevel.Theyplaya

differentroleinthematingprocess,andinthepeerbonding

relationshipandthisdifferentrolehasforcedthemto

evolveatdifferentsurvivalstrategy.Andthisisgoingallthe

waybacktobeforewewerehomosapiens,anditsprimarily,

thesourceofit,isthatweresexuallydimorphicmeaning

thewomen,theirbodies,areverydifferentthanmen.

Vin:Right.

Brian:Obviouslywomenhavekidsandtheyaretheonesthat

bearachildandallthatstuff.Theyrealsophysicallynotas

strongasmentheyresmaller.Theresjustawholelistof

physicaldifferencesthathaveforcedthemtohavedifferent

psychologicalstrategiesforsurviving,formating,forfinding

thebestmate.Anditsextremelylogicalitsjustaslogical

asaman.Soitsimportanttonotgetstuckthinkingthat

womenjustdontmakesense.Thatskindofacopoutand

itsnotusefulanditsnotrealistic.


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Vin:Right.Iagree,ofcourse.Itislogical.Menandwomen

bothhavelogicitseverythingwedo.ButIthinkitsoften

unclear,orhidden,whatthelogicisitsoftenfarbelowour

consciousawareness.Butthereissomekindoflogicalways

runningtohelpussurviveandperpetuatetherace.


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Brian:Right,andifyouthinkaboutit,wewouldntbeatthetopof

thefoodchain,wewouldntevenbealive,ourracewouldnt

havesurvivedaslongasitdid,wewouldntevenstillbe

hereifthethingswediddidntmakeanysense.

Vin:Right.

Brian:Nature,evolutionandwhateveryouwanttocallithasbeen

shapingusforalong,longtime.Anditissubconscious,its

instinctual,butwhenyoutakeacloserlooklikewedidfor

thisproject,youstarttoseesomereallyinterestingthings

comingtothesurface.

Vin:Right.So,wedohavesomekindofdifferentsurvival

strategy.Imeanobviouslystayalive,reproduce,eat,and

notfreezetodeath,butonamorecomplexlevel,Iguess

moresophisticatedlevel,wehaveadifferentsurvival

strategy.Whatdoesitmeanexactlyandwhatisthemost

strikingdifferencebetweenthemenssurvivalstrategy


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andawomanssurvivalstrategyfromanemotionalpoint

ofview?

Brian:Well,whenwetalkaboutsurvival,weretalkingaboutnot

justsurvivaloftheindividual,butsurvivaloftheoffspring,

thegeneticsurvivalmakingsurethatthechildrenshehas


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survive.Itsagenegameweretalkingaboutgenesbeing

passeddown.Andinasenseyoucanevenseehumans

likevesselsforgenes,anditsreallyallaboutthegenes

gettingpasseddown.Formales,becauseweretalking

aboutourentirehistory,Imeanpre-human.Formen,

physicalstrengthhasalwaysbeenreallyimportantasfaras

surviving.Forwomen,theyhaveadifferentrole,andthey

cantrelyonphysicalstrength,onbrutestrength,theway

thatmaleshistoricallyhave.Whatafemaledoestosurvive,

sinceshecantrelyonbrutestrength,isyoucanalmost

thinkofitasstrengthinnumberswhereherstrength

comesfromtheassociationshehaswithothers,menand

women.So,also,ifyouthinkaboutheroffspring,her

childifshehasachild,sheneedsthatchildtosurviveand

childrencantspeak,soshehastohavethisintuitivesense

ofwhatthechildneeds.Andyoullseethiswithmoms

whentheirbabyscrying,theykindofknowwhatswrong.

Andwhatthismeansisthatwomenhavedevelopedavery

highdegreeofempathy,whichmeanstheyunderstand

howothersfeelbyfeelingthatwaythemselves.Andthisis

fundamentaltobeingabletocreatestrongbonds,strong

connectionsitsalmostlikemindreading.Ifyoucanfeel


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howsomeoneelsefeels,youresteppingintotheirshoes.

Andthisisextremelyimportantforcreatingstrongbonds,

forcreatingrapport,afeelingofrapportwithanother

person.Itsalsoveryimportantwhenyouhaveacrying

babythatcantspeakandyouneedtoknowwhatswrong,


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sothatyoucanattendtothatchildsneeds.Itsalso,ifyou

thinkaboutit,itsalsoveryimportantasfarasfindingthe

bestmalemate,theguywhosgoingtogiveyouthethings,

asawoman,thethingsthatyoullneednotjustgoodgenes,

butisthisguygoingtostickaroundafterhehassexwith

youandputsababyinyou.

Vin:Right.

Brian:Andso,shesgoingtobekeyedintowhatsgoingoninside

thatguy.

Vin:Right.

Brian:So,thishighdegreeofempathy,youcouldjustsayitsher

wayofsurviving.Itsherwayofcoping.

Vin:Right.Itsherlogicalmechanism.


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Brian:Yes.

Vin:Thosearethereasonswhyitisalogicalmechanism,isthatthis

empathy,herabilitytosensewhatotherpeoplearefeelingand

feelwhatotherpeoplearefeelingnotjustknowwhattheyre

feeling,butactuallyfeelitherself,thatswhatallowsherto


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makedecisionsthathelpherownsurvival.Aswell,likeyou

saidinregardstothebaby,withtryingtodetermineifthisguys

goingtostickaround.Andso,thatsobviouslysomethingwe

noticeisifwereoutwithguys,alotoftimeswhenaguygoes

totalktoagirl,thereasonwhyitdoesntworksometimesis

becauseherdegreeofempathyshecansensewhatsgoingon

insidehismindandifheshavingstrangethoughts,orifhes

feelingalotoffear,notnecessarilyalittlebitofnervousness,

butlikefearorhassomekindofhiddenresentment,orsome

hiddenagenda,shecansensethatnomatterwhathessaying.

Andso,thatsadifficultythatguyshaveisthattheydonthave

theempathy.Sonotonlyarewomenusingtheirempathyto

sensethisguysstateinsayingthisguysnogood,butalso,the

guysarelackingempathybecausetheyrehavingdifficulty

bringingtheirenergyleveluptoaplacethatmatchesthe

womanthattheyregoingtotalkto.

Brian:Right,andIcanmakethisreallyclearforguys,keep

listening.ThisissomethingItellmystudentsrightoffthe

batwhentheyallsitdownandprepareforthebootcamp.

Ithinkmostguysareabletolookdownaboutacityblocks

distanceandseeawomanwalkingtowardsthem.Andeven


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ifsheswearingacoatorasweater,theycantellhowlarge

herbreastsare,whatkindoffigureshehas,whethershes

prettyornotfromalongwaysawayyoucantell.

Vin:Yes.

Brian:Thatswhereourattentioniscalibratedto,isherbody.


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Becausewhatwewanttodo,toputitbluntly,isspread

ourseedinthemostfertile,healthywomenwecan,so

thattheyllhavehealthyoffspring.So,thatswhereour

attentionhasevolvedtobe.Now,ifyouhavethat,theres

thismyththatlikeguysareperceptiveoraware,theyre

justkindoftheseguysdotingaround,justdumbright?But,

wereextremelyperceptive.Werejustpayingattentionto

differentthingslikethehip-to-waistratio.

Vin:Right.

Brian:Now,ifyoucantellhowlargeawomansbreastsarefrom

acityblockawaywhilesheswearingasweater,because

youretunedintoherbody,womenaretunedintoyour

character,yourpersonality,yourenergy,youremotions,

andwhatsgoingoninsideyou.Soifyoucantellthat,

ifyourethatperceptive,youbetterbelievethatwhen

youreupcloseandpersonallookingawomanintheeye,

shecantellwhatsgoingoninsideyouforaveryhigh

degreeofaccuracy.


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Vin:Right.

Brian:Becausethatswhereherattentioniskeyedinto.

Vin:ThatsreallygreatstuffBrian.Now,onethingthatIve

observed,andImsureyouveseenthistoo,isthatpeople

gettheiridentityfromdifferentthings,right?Soforaman,


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hemightgethisidentifyfromhiscareer,howmuchmoney

hemakes,howhedresses,whatkindofcarhedrives,things

likethat.Howimportantisawomansidentity,andwhere

doesshegetitfrom?

Brian:Well,whenyoutalkabouttheguysjobandhismoney

andhiscarandhowhedrives,Idefinitelyagreethat

thoseareallveryimportanttotheaverageguysidentify.

Andeventome,Iliketohavenicethingsandoneofthe

appealsofhavingthisjobisthatthereissomestatus

attachedtoitandmyegogetsalittleboostoutofthat,

andthatswhatitreallyisallaboutwhatIjustsaid,

status.Sowhenyouretalkingaboutaguyscar,hisjob,

andallthat,whatsunderlyingallthosethingsisstatus.

Andmenarewiredtopursuestatus,toelevatetheir

status.Menaremoreaggressive,moreproactive,and

moreconcernedwiththeirrank.


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Andforwomen,theresthechaseforstatusisaverysolo

adventure.Itsyourstatus,andifeveryoneelseistryingto

raisetheirstatus,theyreessentiallyincompetitionwith

everyoneelse,oratleasttosomekindofdegree.

Vin:Right.


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Brian:Forwomen,statusisntasimportantasinterconnection.

Andso,itsnotjustasmenwegrowuplearningtochase

status.Therearenumerousstudiesshowingthatboys

naturallydothistheynaturallycompeteandhavea

hardertimesharingthanthegirls,althoughfromage2

and3andup.Soitsnotthatthisidentityis,itislearned,

butitsalsowerebornwithit,andwomenhaveevolved

thishighdegreeofempathy,becauseinterconnectionis

wheretheygettheirpowerandhowtheysurvive.Soas

aman,havingthisdrivetopursuestatusandtoimprove

yourrankandtocompete,youhavetounderstandthat

underlyingdrivethatpermeatesprettymuchyourwhole

life.Awomanhasthesamelevelofdrive,onlyitsnotfor

status,itsforinterconnection.Andstemmingfromher

biologyandfromherpsychology,thisthenbecomeshow

sheidentifiesherself.Soawoman,herlevelofselfesteem

isbasedonthenumberandqualityofconnectionsshe

haswithotherpeople.Andonethingthatsinteresting,

alltheresearchIdid,aninterestingthingthathappens

whenwomengetcaughtupinthemansgameofpursuing

thedifferencebetweenmenandwomenpb pt3.pdf

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