The Things We Do to Make It Home

Beverly GoloGorsky

A New York Times NoTABle Book

A Los ANgeLes Times BesT FIcTIoN Book

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“stunning. . . . lean and supple, completely persuasive, full of nuanced turns, dead on about how people try to bind

and repel each other at the same time.” —New York Times Book review

“evocative. . . . [A] powerful tale. . . . The characters stick with you.” —UsA TodAY

“Haunting. . . . A novel brimming with burning emotion.” —BookLisT

An emotionally charged story that lays bare the destructive impact of the vietnam War on the wives, lovers, and children of veterans, Beverly Gologorsky’s haunting story of love, devotion, and loss will speak to anyone who has lived through the last forty years, from the end of the vietnam War to the latest wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Novelist Beverly GoloGorsky’s critically acclaimed first novel, The

Things we do to make it Home, was named a Los Angeles Times Best

Fiction Book, a New York Times Notable Book, and a Barnes and Noble

Discover Great Writers Award finalist. Her essays have appeared in

The Patriots: The vietnam war remembered from All sides and The

Friend who got Away: Twenty women’s True-Life Tales of Friendships

that Blew Up, Burned out, or Faded Away. she has written for the New

York Times, the Nation, Newsweek, and the Los Angeles Times, among

other publications. A longtime activist in the women’s and peace

movements since the 1960s, Gologorsky has one daughter, Georgina lieberman.

Gologorsky lives with her partner charlie Wiggins in New york and Maine.

cover design by Jess Morphewcover art: Mustang © veer Images; Woman on bed ©

Getty/Neil Beckerman; Houses © Getty/George Marks; Boots © American Images Inc.

Author photo by Marion ettlinger

FIcTIoN $14.95 Us

seven stories Presswww.sevenstories.com

IsBN 978-1-58322-884-5

The Things We Do To Make It Home

BEVERLY GOLOGORSKY

A Reader’s Guide

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A CONVERSATION WITH BEVERLY GOLOGORSKY

Q: Why did you choose to take on the legacy of the Vietnam War as thesubject matter of your first novel?

A: Actually, I didn’t. That’s the interesting thing. The women in thebook were voices in my head and I wanted to give them life.They just happened to have Vietnam veterans as husbands andlovers. After I finished the novel, I realized that I had indeedwritten a novel about the Vietnam War. Yet in my head theimpulse for the novel was to explore the limits of love. In muchof contemporary literature I hadn’t found women such as theseand I wanted their voices to be heard.

Q: Your author biography mentions your involvement in the peace andwomen’s movements. What impact did your history have on the gen-esis of this novel?

A: I was intensely involved in the anti-war movement. I spenttwelve years working against that war—not just going tomarches but writing, organizing, and trying to change people’sminds. I worked on two magazines—Viet Report andLeviathan—that were involved in not just the anti-war move-ment but also civil rights and the women’s movement. Duringthe 1960s and 1970s, one movement flowed into the other.

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Given the intensity of those years, I was just too close to the warto write about its impact at home. Yet the impact of the war wasso visceral, it was in my bloodstream. This was the case for manywho lived through the period and one of the reasons why therewas not much fiction about the war, except veteran memoirs,until the 1980s.

Q: What kind of research did you do in the writing of this novel?

A: Very little. It interferes with my imagination. I check facts anddates. For example, after I wrote the first chapter on the Water-gate hearings, I went and checked the dates. However, I find thattoo much research gets in the way of my creative energies.

Q: While there is a wealth of fiction (and nonfiction, for that matter) onthe experiences of Vietnam veterans and the damage done, your novelseems to fill a relative void on the subject of their families and the long-term toll of the war on their lives. Why do you think this is so?

A: It took a long time to process and reflect on that period.Although women did not fight on the battlefields, the war wasbrought home to them by the men so scarred by their experi-ences. There is very little fiction by women about the womenwho live with or love Vietnam veterans. I received a letter froma woman who lost her son in the war. She said that it disman-tled her family. She wants a wall to memorialize not only the vetsbut also the families destroyed by the aftereffects of that war. Ifyou think about it, we have Memorial Day, Veterans Day, andall sorts of statues for soldiers, but not even a stone exists com-memorating the women and children who dealt with the fallouton the home front. There is nothing out there to commemoratethe countless number of women who got up night after sleep-less night to help men suffering from one or anothermanifestation of post-traumatic stress syndrome. If my novel

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helps in some way to bring their stories front and center, that ismore than fine with me.

What I think separated Vietnam from other wars was the sol-diers’ belief system. During basic training, soldiers are trained tokill the enemy ultimately in order to save their country. But aftera short period in Vietnam, so many of the soldiers lost theirbelief systems; that is, they no longer understood or believed inwhat they were doing. They came home feeling tremendousguilt and anger without any sense of achievement. Unlike otherwars, the majority of the soldiers who went to Vietnam werevery young, eighteen or nineteen, straight out of high school.And the younger you are, the more malleable you are, and thegreater the potential for emotional damage. The men weremostly from working class and Third World backgrounds. Mosthad not been to college or gotten married or had much of anadult life experience before they left the States, so they had notformed lives to fit back into. These vets returned to a void thatwas very difficult to fill.

Q: Why do you think it was so difficult for these women to let these mengo? In other words, why couldn’t they just walk away?

A: It is, I think, a question of conditioning. These women receivedtheir conditioning as females in the 1950s—their sense of rightand wrong, the meaning and limits of marriage and love. Therewere few female models to emulate. After the women’s move-ment developed, conditioning changed. Women began to seethey had a right to more than one beginning; that there wasmore than one possible way to live a life; that they could fall inlove more than once. These were new ideas, ideas that hadn’tpermeated the atmosphere during my female characters’upbringings. My characters leave the men because there isnothing more they can do within the relationship and it is nolonger possible for them to stay.

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However, their daughters are growing up in a world differentfrom their mothers’. While their mothers were brought up in aworld in which marriage comprised two halves making up awhole, their children believe in marriage being the comingtogether of two whole people. After the women’s movement,women’s consciousness existed on a whole new plane. Thefemale characters in my novel were conditioned before this newconsciousness prevailed. Social class was also a factor. They didnot have the leisure and opportunities to become students at theuniversities where much of this consciousness began to per-meate.

Q: Was it a painful process writing about the dismantling of some ofthese lives? Do you feel hopeful about any of your characters’futures?

A: It was painful in the sense that all writing is painful. Flaubertwas once asked how he could know what Madame Bovary felt.He replied, “Madame Bovary, c’est moi.” All of the emotions thatmy characters experienced I have seen, felt, and known to betrue from life experiences and observations. When I am writing,I find myself delving into the feelings my characters experience.Sometimes the feelings are too painful and I need to walk awayand work out my resistance. I have tried to be very respectful oftheir feelings and emotions, so I can demand the same of myreaders.

I think Sara-Jo is going to be the first female president. I dofeel hopeful about the children of these men and women even ifyou haven’t met all of the children referred to in the novel. Asfor Lucy, she now has a secret and that’s good. She’s breaking outand doing something in her interlude with Sean that a muchyounger woman might do. And once you break out, you can’tlock yourself back in. I see possibilities for Millie in Californiawith Pete—she’s going back. What I find hopeful is that all of

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these women have learned from their suffering; they are goodlearners.

It is different for the men. They are displaced and it will bevery hard for them. However, Rod will be OK. Rod and Emmahave something good between them. He came back to their mar-riage and had this stable moment to rebuild his life, which waslacking for the others.

Q: Deede tells the other women, “We don’t matter, not the way weshould.” How accurate would you say this statement is?

A: I would say this is very accurate. However, like the witness onthe stand who wants to explain everything and is cut off by thelawyer who says, “Just a yes or no answer,” I have to add thatmore needs to be understood. Loving these women is second toprocessing the experience of the war. The men’s capacity to lovehas been altered by their experience in Vietnam. The limits oflove work both ways here: The women thought they could savethe men and had to very painfully and gradually accept thatlove alone was unable to provide a haven. The men had tounderstand that because of the damage of the war they couldnot give and receive love as they would have liked or perhapsonce had.

Q: The past weighs so heavily on the present and future lives of thesecharacters. How successful do you think any of us are in wrestlingwith the demons of the past?

A: We know that the past can’t be remedied. The best we can do islearn from it and not repeat it. The most progressive mining ofthe past is using it to determine what went right and what wentwrong and then let go of it. Demons need to be demystified andbrought into the light of day. For example, Sara-Jo suffers froman absent father and a mother struggling to pick up the slack.

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She battles her demons through the various men in her life. Shedoesn’t want to drown with the demons. She wants to swim. Shedoesn’t want limits—something that she inherited from thewomen’s movement.

However, this is a difficult question to answer in generalterms. It depends on who you are and what the past has enabledyou to do that will qualify how you see the present and how youhandle the demons. The privileged often feel empoweredenough to throw the demons over their shoulders and move on.Lucy is attempting to throw the demons of her conditioningover her shoulder. Her encounter with Sean is an example of herstruggle to free herself. On the other hand, Ida (a character I justadore) is mired in the love she feels for Frankie, which will beshort-lived because he is dying. Maybe she will also free herself—I am optimistic. However, she does believe love is all, which forsome women can be a trap.

Q: Jason declares, “I think Nixon’s men know we have a beef with themand they’re afraid to show up today. And they’re right because weaimed our guns in the wrong direction.” Do you agree with Jason?How would you judge the government’s role in the fighting of thiswar and its aftermath?

A: Jason is right. Fifty-six thousand American soldiers killed; almostthree million Vietnamese killed or wounded; a country ravaged;and former defense secretary McNamara is still writing books inhis eighties. A handful of men guided a foreign policy thatdestroyed so many lives—thousands of poets gone. It was a smallnumber of people that thought the war should be fought, andso many died carrying out their wishes. The U.S. government’sconduct was abominable.

The Vietnamese say there are people who have small atti-tudes, people who don’t understand more than their own needs.This is an apt description of the U.S. government’s role in the

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war. What is remarkable is that the Vietnamese people havealways contended that they are angry at the U.S. government,not the U.S. people—they have been able to make the distinc-tion between the leaders and the masses of people.

What is also remarkable is how so many men—veterans intheir late forties—are returning to Vietnam in order to close acircle. And they are being treated with great courtesy andrespect, something I cannot imagine happening here in theUnited States. The Vietnamese have a Buddhist approach tolife, for lack of a better term, a much more easygoing andaccepting conception of human nature than exists for many inthe States.

Q: So Frankie’s return to Vietnam mirrors a real-life phenomenon?

A: Yes. Many men are going back to heal, to start businesses in HoChi Minh City, to see the places they had been, to makeamends. Frankie went back, not to start a business, but for all ofthe other reasons combined.

Q: Which character presented the greatest challenge to you as a writer?

A: Rooster was difficult. In my mind, he was a sly fellow. I kepthearing him and seeing him, but he was difficult to capture onpaper. The women were different because they were my inspira-tion.

Q: This is your first published novel. When did your writing careerbegin and how did it take shape?

A: I have been writing for years on topics such as women’s healthand other issues. While this is my first published novel, it is notmy first novel. The first novel I wrote went nowhere. So when Ifinished this novel, I was filled with great trepidation. But to my

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amazement and joy, my wonderful and enthusiastic agentbrought it to Random House and they bought it right away. Itwas the complete antithesis of my previous experience.

Q: What advice would you give writers struggling to get published?

A: Keep going, writing, sending, doing. You never know. One expe-rience does not teach you what the next experience will be—atleast in publishing.

Q: What writers and/or works have most influenced you and why?

A: I have had different favorite writers at different moments in mylife. There are some authors and works that I have always loved.Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina and War and Peace. The fiction ofSimone de Beauvoir. Nadine Gordimer’s work. Doris Lessing’searly work. All these women are a joy to read and challenging;they gave me a real feeling for literature.

Q: What books would you recommend reading groups add to their lists?

A: I would recommend Nadine Gordimer’s Guest of Honor andBurger’s Daughter. These books are rich in detail and enfold youin a world that you will remember after you are done reading—a wonderful experience. Also the four books in the Martha’sQuest series by Doris Lessing. There are, in each of these books,lives created with a sense of history, and a sense of time and placeoutside the United States (in Rhodesia and later England) whichis so rewarding and makes for the best reading.

Q: What would you most like your readers to get out of your novel?

A: A sense of the travails of women and a sense of their incrediblestrength—that is, how much these women give and do; also, the

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importance of respecting, honoring, and remembering allwomen whose lives are similar.

Q: Are you working on a new novel?

A: Yes, indeed. But I’m too superstitious to talk about it.

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READING GROUP QUESTIONS ANDTOPICS FOR DISCUSSION

1. Did this novel change your perspective on the Vietnam War? Onthe role of women? Why or why not?

2. Discuss the different kinds of damage inflicted by the war and itsaftermath on the lives of these characters. Do you think there is anykind of damage control that could have averted some of these dis-asters?

3. The silences in this novel are so palpable and dangerous anddestructive. Why do we often have so much trouble talking tothe people we love?

4. Discuss the meaning and significance of the title of this novel.

5. Some of the men in this novel are homeless, transient, displaced.For men such as Rooster, the street seems the only place to be com-fortable. Discuss the many reasons people end up on the street. Didthis novel challenge your understanding of the homeless?

6. The women in this novel have to create new homes for them-selves. What kind of homes do they create, if any, and howsuccessful do you think they are in doing so?

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7. Of all the veterans in this novel, Rod is the only one who seemsto have a real home. Why do you think this is so?

8. Do you think Rod and Emma will resist and keep their house?What do you think will happen to them if they lose it?

9. Why does Frankie decide to return to Vietnam? Do you thinkthis is a wise decision? Do you think he will find what he islooking for?

10. Do you think Frankie’s encounter with J. J. in the bar is real orimagined or a bit of both?

11. In discussing her relationship with Frankie, Ida says, “There issomething between us, a kind of space I can’t get past.” Whathas created this “space”? How does this space manifest itself inthe various relationships in this novel?

12. Why is Frankie estranged from his sister Pauli? We do not hearher side of the phone conversations with Frankie. How do youthink she would answer his questions?

13. There is a large cast of characters in this novel. Which char-acter(s) and narrative threads do you find the most compelling?Is there a character you wished to hear more from?

14. Sara-Jo is so angry at her father, Rooster. Do you think she willoutgrow this anger? Do you think she should outgrow it?

15. How does Sara-Jo’s understanding of her parents’ relationshipchange over the course of this novel? How does she help free hermother from the past?

16. These women are all struggling to determine the limits of love.

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Discuss what you think the limits of love are. Or should therebe limits?

17. Which of these women do you think will finally free themselvesfrom the demons of their collective past?

18. Can your group come to a consensus on a brief (one- or two-sentence) summary of this novel? Do you find that the variousmembers of the group read books very differently and focus ondifferent themes?

19. Why did your group select this novel? How does this work com-pare with other works your group has read? What will you bereading next?

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