the spirit of marriage

THE SPIRIT OF MARRIAGE

patience- peace

HOW DO OTHERS DESCRIBE YOU WHEN ASKED, “WHAT IS _________ LIKE?”

Patience

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU CONSIDER THE CHARACTERISTIC OF PEACE?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO HAVE THIS PART OF THE FRUIT IN YOU?

Peace

PEACE & PATIENCE

Patience Produces Peace

Peace

Patience

I. What is Patience?

What it is NOT: Passivity or Denial of Reality… nowhere in Scripture is patience seen as an apathetic tolerance

The Encarta Dictionary defines patience in this manner: “The ability to endure waiting delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset … or to persevere calmly when faced with difficulties.”

AMERICAN IMPATIENCE

I. What is Patience? Makrothumia. This is the choice to refrain from avenging oneself,

at least immediately; it can include either a delay or erasure of wrath. We might call this "the patience motivated by love.“

This "delay" aspect of patience runs against the grain of the Fight Instinct. If we experience the urge to fight (usually verbally) we wait; we gather our thoughts, get our composure, and perhaps seek counsel.

Hupomone. This involves the choice to bravely endure what cannot or should not be controlled. It involves the concept of resignation. We face the situation and endure the consequences. This patience keeps us from seeking unethical shortcuts and improper compromises. We might call this "patience motivated by hope" (1 Thessalonians 1:3b).

1. We believe we are entitled2. We are selfish and immature3. We think we are in control4. We believe we can predict the

future5. We are arrogant & feel superior6. We don’t care to understand

others7. We have unrealistic expectations

II. Why Are We Impatient?

III. The Importance of Patience

Why is patience an important characteristic for us to develop? Because patience is a characteristic of God,

and we are to imitate God's character (Ephesians 5:1-2; Jonah 4:2)

Scripture calls us to (2 Peter 3:9) It is a part of love’s definition- maybe

defines love (I Corinthians 13:4) It is an example Christ presented to us (I

Tim. 1:16)

We are Incredibly Impatient By Nature- That’s Why God Expects Us to Grow as Disciples… and Grow in Patience

POINT 1:

IV. Why is Impatience a Problem?

Impatience makes you a poor listener

Impatience keeps you from taking in information

Impatience makes you devalue others

Impatience annoys others

IV. Why is Impatience a Problem?Impatience Kills Marriages: 4 Horsemen

1. Criticism: Attacking your

partner’s personality or character, usually with the intent of making someone right and someone wrong

Generalizations: “you always…” “you never…”“you’re the type of person who …” “why are you so …”

2. Contempt: Attacking your partner’s

sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse him/her: - Insults and name-calling:

“wimp, fat, stupid, ugly, slob, lazy…”

- Hostile humor, sarcasm or mockery

- Body language & tone of voice: sneering, rolling your eyes, curling your upper lip

3. Defensiveness: Seeing self as the victim, warding off a perceived

attack: - Making excuses (e.g., external circumstances beyond

your control forced you to act in a certain way) “It’s not my fault…”, “I didn’t…”

- Cross-complaining: meeting your partner’s complaint, or criticism with a complaint of your own, ignoring what your partner said

- Disagreeing and then cross-complaining “That’s not true, you’re the one who …” “I did this because you did that…”

- Yes-butting: start off agreeing but end up disagreeing - Repeating yourself without paying attention to what the

other person is saying - Whining “It’s not fair.”


4. Stonewalling: Withdrawing from the relationship as a

way to avoid conflict. Partners may think they are trying to be “neutral” but stonewalling conveys disapproval, icy distance, separation, disconnection, and/or smugness: - Stony silence - Monosyllabic mutterings - Changing the subject - Removing yourself physically


Impatience Not Only Stunts Our Growth as Disciples, It Kills Our Marriages

POINT 2:

V. How Do We Embrace Patience?

What would your marriage look like if you were an incredibly patient person? How would it be different?

Can you see how changing you – changes your marriage?

Is patience something you pursue? Work at? Develop?

If no… Why not?

V. HOW DO WE EMBRACE PATIENCE? A. CHOOSE TO!

"PUT ON" PATIENCE (COLOSSIANS 3:12)

Patience is a Choice

Patience

V. HOW DO WE EMBRACE PATIENCE? B. STOP BEING A VICTIM

Patience

V. HOW DO WE EMBRACE PATIENCE?

C. ACCEPT THE REALITY ABOUT CONTROL

YOU DON’T HAVE IT!

Patience

V. HOW DO WE EMBRACE PATIENCE? D. GROW AS A DISCIPLE

BECOME MORE LIKE CHRIST… WHEN WE FOCUS ON GROWING AS A DISCIPLE, THE "FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT" IN US GROWS

A Method of Practicing Patience

V. HOW DO WE EMBRACE PATIENCE? E. PRACTICE PATIENCE

1. Figure out what makes you impatient- pinpoint triggers- look for patterns

2. Increase awareness of it when it happens- journal it

3. Overcome “bouts” of impatience-… it passes- let go

4. See the “big picture” – things take time- what really matters?

5. Expect the unexpected

A Method of Practicing Patience

V. HOW DO WE EMBRACE PATIENCE? E. PRACTICE PATIENCE

1. Breathe2. Relax 3. Manage Emotions4. Slow Down 5. Actively Listen with Empathy

Patience

V. HOW DO WE EMBRACE PATIENCE? F. LEARN FROM STORMS

1. Romans 5:3-52. Patience is seen in adversity3. How we interpret the hard times

is crucial

There are generally 2 ways we respond: As an “Anchor”… Or a “Bobber”


When crisis hits, we look for something to hold on to – to explain the crisis as it knocks us off balance

What do you define as a “storm” in life?

Who do we look to first? Why do storms come in our lives?


Why Do Storms Come? A. Character is forged through

suffering- (Romans 5:3-5; Heb.5:8, James 1:2)

• God uses your marriage to forge your character

• God will use hard times to expose our sin, and our spouses sin

Ask god, What is being exposed here? What are you after? Notice your inner thoughts. Notice what you intend to do


Why Do Storms Come? B. There is spiritual warfare – (I

Peter 5:8 )• Spiritual attack must be a category

we think in, or we will not win at our marriages


Why Do Storms Come? C. We are broken people- we work

to hide that truth- (Romans 3:23 ) We cannot demand the broken live

as whole... God uses troubles to flush us out of hiding- Like asking the one armed girl to swim the English channel


Why Do Storms Come? D. There are “Seasons” in life…


Storms Teach Us… If We Let Them

POINT 3:

VI. Patience Produces Peace

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

Invite God into the center of your marriage. The result is:“6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7.

PEACE

Invite God into the center of your marriage. The result is:“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts”. Colossians 3:15“They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it.” I Peter 3:11

PEACE

Do Something

Do Something:

• Try switching traditional roles with your spouse for a day

• Get in the long line- the slow lane- and wait…

• Practice what it means to “be still and know…”

• Grade each other daily on how well patience is displayed

Invite God into the center of your marriage. The result is:“20 Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, 21 equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” Hebrews 13:20-21

PEACE

the spirit of marriage

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